Besides making her feel ten times better, Brie also convinced Stephanie to give talking to Paul a go. Even though talking with Brianna lifted so much weight off her shoulders, she made a good point about having more support with Murphy and Aurora. A sweet conversation, as uplifting as it may be, can only last so long - having some comfort from her husband would help her get through everyday life a little better.
With that being said, there are still butterflies in Stephanie's tummy about admitting how she's been feeling. After all, this is a big deal for her - with a confident TV persona, people sometimes forget that she's a really sensitive soul deep down. Especially Paul.. he's her husband, and even he forgets that. To be truthful, that's probably why she's so nervous.
But if talking to Brie has assured her of anything, it's that she's worth a little support. For too long, Stephanie's had this feeling that asking for help was a sign of weakness; she grew up a strong, powerful woman, but in a man's world - she had to work things out for herself, relying on other people was out of the question. Even now, it's something she carries with her, so having Brie tell her that it's okay to need help sometimes was really appreciated.
Stephanie walks upstairs, presuming that Paul would be in his home office; he seems to spend forever in there nowadays. Although, it's not as though Steph's in any place to comment on spending too much time working. Half the time, she blames her self-created workload for being the wedge between herself and her daughters.
As she walks through the corridor, something catches her attention - Steph was sure that she heard Murphy sniffle, almost like she was crying. Instinctively, she rushes to Murphy's bedroom door with every intention of comforting her daughter.
"Hey, don't get upset.. you've still got me.." She hears a male voice say from behind the door, recognisingly Paul.
Even though Stephanie knows it's not a good idea to snoop on conversations between her husband and daughter - something was telling her to regardless. Besides, as long as she doesn't get caught, there's surely no harm right? She doesn't even know what's compelling her to do this, but there's definitely something, and it's important to trust your gut at times.
"I just don't get it.. Why doesn't she love us anymore..?" Murphy asks tearily.
Stephanie does a double take. Surely, Murphy wasn't talking about her? Of course she loves them! Despite all of the name calling she gets from them, Stephanie couldn't possibly love her daughters any more - they're the light of her life, the reason she wakes up everyday.. she has no doubt the reason she was put on earth was to parent those beautiful young girls. Murphy asking that question was breaking Steph's heart.. but what really concerns her is that Paul isn't giving that reassurance..
"Murph.. your mom just gets wrapped up in her own world sometimes. With work, her friends.. she doesn't mean to upset you or your sister, she just has priorities." Paul answers.
Her eyes widening and chest beginning to tighten up, Stephanie can't believe what her husband just said. Her kids will always be her priority! How could he say otherwise? And why isn't he assuring Murphy how much she loves her?
"But I love you both.. always remember that, okay?" He says happily.
This was too much to take in at once. First of all, why does Murphy believe Stephanie doesn't love them anymore? Absolutely nothing could be further from the truth. But why does Paul seem to be.. well, encouraging those thoughts? It was hurting Stephanie more than she was willing to admit.
She was supposed to be going to Paul for support with their girls, not this! Granted, he might not have explicitly stated that Stephanie didn't love them, but he's clearly allowing Murphy to think that. Also, he's obviously saying these things when he believes no one else is listening. Why the hell would he..?
"What are you doing?!" Aurora shouts from behind her mum. Damn. "Murphy!" She calls to her sister.
Both Murphy and Paul emerge from the teenager's room, looking confused as to why Stephanie was stood by the door. Crap, she was caught red handed. How can she explain this one away..?
"Murph, she was just listening to your conversation.." Aurora says, looking at her mother with almost disgust. "First you're never there for us, now you're invading our privacy?"
"That's not fair, I'm always here for you.." Steph defends herself.
"Always?!" Murphy joins in, shouting. "How about all my dance shows? Or Aurora's piano gradings? You've barely been to any of them!"
The mother's heart sinks; there are few things she feels more guilty about than missing those events. In her defence, she's never blown them off for a social call, it's always been because of a work commitment she simply can't get out of. Besides, Paul's missed these events too, and they seemingly have no problem with him - why is it always Stephanie who ends up being the enemy?
"Girls.. girls, you know how much I love you.." Stephanie pleads, tearing up.
"No you don't! We'll never be as important as your stupid friends or your stupid job! I wish you weren't our mother!" Murphy exclaims, running over into Aurora's room, her sister following.
As the door slams, Stephanie begins to cry openly. That's the single most hurtful thing that her own daughter could've done.. do they really wish they had a different mother? Is she really that horrific..?
Rather than comfort his wife, Paul looks her in an almost accusatory way. Yes, she shouldn't have listening to their conversation - but Paul shouldn't have insinuated that there's anything in Stephanie's life which could possibly be more important than her children. For some reason, she can't help but think he wanted this outcome; Of course, that sounds stupid. But if he wanted Stephanie to have a good relationship with her daughters, he would've told Murphy just how much she adores them.
"Why are you crying?" He asks. His voice seemed genuinely confused, but Steph looks towards him like it's obvious.
"Murphy wishes I wasn't her mother, and you're asking me why I'm crying?"
"Well maybe, if you worked less and actually spent time with them, she wouldn't feel that way.." Paul chuckles.
How is he chuckling at her? That's one of the single most upsetting moments of her entire life, yet her husband can't even stop himself from laughing? And how does he have any right go say she works too much? Maybe she could be home more, but he isn't exactly innocent of that himself. At least Stephanie's whereabouts can always be explained - half the time, she has no clue where he's swanning off to.
"Paul.. I'm away from my family when work says I have to be.. I don't even know where you go most nights.." Stephanie says tearily.
"What is that? Some kind of accusation?" Her husband spits back.
"No, of course not.. I just want to know where you're going.." she answers. "My own daughters hate me, and I'm scared I'm losing you too.. you never show any interest in me anymore, it's like I'm not attractive to you at all.."
Looking at her up and down, Paul's eyes remain distant from his wife. Here she was, crying about her life falling apart, admitting how she's been feeling - but there's absolutely nothing from him. They've been married for so long, and she'd give absolutely anything to have things be like they were a few years ago; when Paul clearly had eyes for no one but Stephanie, when her daughters loved her.. when things simply weren't as complicated.
"It's not like you show much interest in me either.. you seem way more interested in being friends with Brie Bella than our marriage."
"That's not fair! I stopped seeing Brie because you asked me to.."
"Doesn't stop you from texting her constantly.. always on the phone with her.." Paul says with a sense of dismissal. "You know what? I can't be fucked to deal with your shit today. I'm heading out." He declares.
"Where are you going Paul?!" Stephanie cries firmly.
Steph's question falls upon deaf ears; without a response, Paul was walking down the stairs and grabbing his jacket. Soon, there was a slam of the front door from downstairs - away he'd gone to wherever it is he goes.
While her eyes were still red and puffy, Stephanie walks up to Aurora's bedroom door. She lifts her hand up to knock, but a pit forms in her stomach, and she reluctantly lowers her hand. Right now isn't the time to have round 2 with her daughters; she simply doesn't feel up to it. Maybe a quiet few hours would be good for everyone.
Stephanie walks her tired bones into the master bedroom; she turns off the light and closes the curtains in attempt to make the room as dark as possible, despite the bright sun outside. Sombrely, the business woman kicks off her shoes and climbs into bed, hiding her face from the world with her duvet. Steph's pillows soon became wet with tears. Her mind was racing with so many things; where Paul could've disappeared to; why her children seem to despise her; why her life is overall tearing apart at the seams.
But most of all.. Stephanie's mind was thinking about one, specific wish - for Brie to be there with her, telling her that everything would turn out okay.