His Vixen
By: tweet-src-clt9
Part 3 – Dates, Cats, Relationships
I have been regularly communicating with Amy Farrah Fowler ever since our first meeting at that coffee shop. It has been great really, just talking to someone who understands me in ways others can't. The best part, I never have to "dumb" myself down when talking to Amy because she's nearly as intelligent as I am. That woman's brain is spectacular!
Texting Amy, talking to Amy on Skype, and exchanging emails with her was now an important part of my day. She was highly entertaining, her sense of humor is spot-on, and she understands me in ways that my other friends can't. It also helps that Amy is as pragmatic as I am. She doesn't care for small talk and catering to the nonsense babble of the simple-minded folk.
The only downside to my newly found friendship is that my nosy and annoying friends keep on insinuating that Amy Farrah Fowler is my girlfriend. I only snort and retort with my signature look of haughty derision. As if Amy and I would subject ourselves to the irrelevant feelings of romance and attraction like the common and lower IQ folks.
Amy Farrah Fowler is a girl and she is my friend. But no! She's not my girlfriend!
How many times do I have to repeat those lines to my not so intelligent friends?
Amy laughed as she read Sheldon's line about her being a girl and just his friend. It seemed like a lifetime away. Just by reading these documents, she really could tell that it was Sheldon who wrote these words. His signature arrogance and self-confidence are oozing from every single page. It warmed her heart though since it's clear that he had always held her in high esteem right from the very start. In fact, he had always hinted about seeing a future for them, sure it was a relationship of the mind, but even at the start, it was clear he wanted her to be in his life for the long-term.
Flipping another page, Amy felt giddy as she saw the date. September 23rd of the year 2010, it was their first date chaperoned by her bestie…
September 23, 2010
Since my nosy friends have always been teasing me about my friendship with Amy, Penny told me that I should "date" her. As Homo Novus, Amy Farrah Fowler, and I were talking about how our combined DNA will result in the most excellent and evolved progenies especially in terms of intelligence. So, we were discussing creating a child together, through in-vitro fertilization, of course, no need for a sweaty love fest, but Penny just had to intervene.
Penny told me that I cannot build a strong relationship with the future mother of my progeny just through text messaging. As I thought about the Nebraskan cornhusker's argument, it does make sense.
And so, I asked Amy Farrah Fowler out on a date.
Since it's a non-optional social convention for the man to pick up the woman on dates, I made Penny drive us. It was awkward at first since Penny being her chatty and overly friendly self, kept asking questions that were way below Amy and I's IQs.
At the end of the day, maybe I should thank Penny for being present since her rather active dating life, and the statistics that go into predicting the number of lovers she has had through the years became an excellent ice breaker for my date with Amy. As a scientist, Amy found my math exciting and she's now eager to have Penny under her EEG machines. Amy Farrah Fowler's eyes just sparkle with this fascinating shade of green when she's talking about connecting her electrodes on an interesting test subject.
Anyway, Amy and I decided to stop our idea to collaborate on a progeny using in-vitro. My mother would never allow me to have progeny out of wedlock. Oh, well.
"I guess he's always had a thing for my eyes. He's been mentioning it a lot," Amy grinned as she skimmed through his anecdote on the shade of her eye color once again.
October 7, 2010
Ever since our "date", I have been involving Amy in more activities within my social group. The downside of this is that not only were my friends intimidated by her superior intelligence but also, they have been calling us the "Shamy". Shamy was a juvenile amalgamation of our names, Sheldon and Amy. Really! What baloney! What are we, in high school? It's a good thing that Amy is patient enough to interact with my friends even if they were clearly beneath her level of intellect. Us Homo Novus really endure a lot just to be able to interact with lesser folk. Oh, the pain of being geniuses!
Speaking of geniuses, Amy and I invited this fun game called "Counterfactuals". Sad to say, no one else on the planet seems to understand it. We tried playing it with Leonard, but his Princeton degree seemed to be inadequate for the mental prowess needed by the game. Good thing I have Amy to play the game with me.
Anyway, everything seemed to be going well until I invited Amy to come and visit me at CalTech. I just wanted to show her around and impress her with the university's facilities. I also wanted to wow her with my brilliance, because really, who else but Amy can appreciate my intelligence in the way it so rightly deserved? Only a genius knows a fellow genius after all.
But no! Things went downhill.
Amy Farrah Fowler may be a genius but she's also a bullheaded stubborn vixen!
She just didn't want to admit that I was right, and she was wrong.
She just didn't want to admit that Neurobiology was inferior to the wonder that was Physics.
And so, like mature Homo Novus, we agreed to end our relationship. Just like that.
I know she would come crawling back to me. Where else can she find a man as riveting and engaging as I am?
Amy rolled her eyes as she read about her husband's thoughts. She remembered this moment perfectly. It was the first time they argued, and it was about science. It was very interesting to read about his thoughts on the matter especially since she knew the end result of this event. Sheldon ended up with twenty-five cats!
It seemed that Penny was right. Breakups are hard.
I really thought Amy would be crawling back to me the very next day. But no!
The exasperating vixen hasn't sent me a single text message.
Oh, well. Maybe I should just get a cat. At least cats never question my scientific genius. Who needs Amy Farrah Fowler anyway?
"Capital D – E – N – I -A – L," Amy smirked.
I now have my cat, Dr. J. Robert Oppenheimer. See? Who cares about Amy Farrah Fowler when I can have the company of a cat who would NEVER dare to question my field, my studies, and my genius!
I bring Dr. Oppenheimer everywhere because he keeps me company.
Because of my Vulcan hearing, I can hear the snarky comments from my so-called friends, but I didn't care. They never understood my need for complete acceptance and companionship anyway. Leonard may be my best friend and roommate, with Wolowitz and Koothrapali as part of my social group, but they have never understood me in a way Amy date. But then again, at least they never questioned my genius as she had.
Aww! Dr. Oppenheimer is feeling lonely.
I should find him a friend to talk to who would completely understand him.
Yes, I need another cat to accompany my new friend.
"Oh, Sheldon," Amy chuckled. She recalled how upset she was that her budding friendship with Sheldon ended. However, the old Amy simply brushed it aside and carried on with her life as usual. The old robotic Amy never had friends before Sheldon and she was used to being tricked or picked on. So, it was easy for her to move on from their friendship. On the other hand, her husband clearly didn't take it lightly. It was obvious that he was devastated. He was in denial, yes! But he truly did miss her very much.
Leonard being the nosy buddy he is, called in my mom from Texas. My mom being her sneaky and clever self, gave me an out by using that reverse psychology babble she always does. I just let her be since I grabbed my chance to be friends with Amy Farrah Fowler again.
I even had to accept that 65% of our troubles were caused by me.
Sheldon Cooper never compromises! This is the first time I did that!
Wow! What a vixen!
Oh well, at least Amy and I are friends again.
Bottom line, I found new homes for my 25 cats. Really! What was I thinking?
Amy Farrah Fowler was right though, cats are the epitome of indifference, just like her. Oh boy!
Amy Farrah Fowler is greaten than all the cats in the world and maybe koalas.
"Boy is these hilarious," Amy giggled. Even his innermost thoughts about her sounded like him pouting in his childlike innocence.
Just when I thought that Amy and I were on the same page, a relationship of the mind, I was taken aback that she wanted ME to meet her mother! Good lord! That vixen must have fallen in love with me and now she's planning our wedding, where we're going to live, and the number of children we're having.
Leonard is right. I am attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis. Specifically, Amy Farrah Fowler's axis!
I must put an end to this vixen's schemes.
Sheldon Cooper's body is no one's wonderland.
Goodbye, Amy Farrah Fowler.
What a shame, our minds could have been great together. Sigh.
Women and their hippy-dippy feelings always get in the way.
Amy rolled her eyes. Even his thoughts were so dramatic and over the top. Missing her silly genius of a husband, she grabbed her phone.
Amy: Too bad, Sheldon. You broke one of your self-imposed paradigms.
Sheldon: What are you talking about?
Amy: I quote, "Sheldon Cooper's body is no one's wonderland."
Sheldon: Amy!
Amy: What? It's true. (smirk)
Sheldon: Well, it would have stayed that way if it weren't for your sparking emerald eyes, your curvy body, pert breasts, lean legs, duck-caught-in-an-oil-spill-hair, and your ample bottom. Good lord, woman! You could kill a man with all of that and then you just had to add ALL that with that big bulbous brain of yours.
Amy: Is that so? (wink)
Sheldon: Oh just keep on readin', will ya? There's bound to be pages there on my daydreams of you. Lord is this embarrassing (sigh)
Amy: I love you, Sheldon (giggle)
Sheldon: You better come home to me soon, you Vixen. (huff)
Amy: Soon, cuddles.
Sheldon: I love you.
She put on her phone down and continued reading. If only she read these documents early on, then maybe they didn't have to break-up. She sighed sadly as she thought about those painful months. No! That break-up made us stronger together and as individuals, she countered.
Amy Farrah Fowler and I didn't have to end our relationship after all. It turns out, she only needs me to pretend as her boyfriend so her mother would stop pestering her about dating. Mothers! I guess I should be thankful that my mom only wants me to go to church once a year. I'd hate it if my mom forced me to date silly women as well.
Because of the Skype call with Amy's mother though, I discovered something interesting.
Amy Farrah Fowler had a saucy mouth. That vixen made me memorize this sassy talk about having coitus with her. What a crazy woman! She always made me laugh since her sense of humor is so spot-on.
Come to think of it, if ever I would be forced to have coitus for at least once in my life, like in a life-and-death or save-the-world situation, I guess there's no one else more suitable for me than Amy Farrah Fowler. At least I would be having coitus with a fellow Homo Novus, not like those silly girls who'd just do dangerous poses that Wolowitz brags about. While highly unlikely and borderline improbable, if Amy and I do engage in coitus with each other, at least there's some sort of mental connection there.
Good lord, what am I writing?
I should delete those last lines.
This is part of my promise to Pop-pop so I can't delete anything. Deleting would be like lying.
No one's going to read this anyway.
Note to self, tighten security measures on this folder.
Amy's eyes widened in shock. As early as that point in their relationship, Sheldon already hypothetically thought about coitus – with her? Wow!
"I guess I may have underestimated your baser urges, my Sweet Baboo," she smirked. She couldn't wait to read the more salacious parts. This must be the reason why he insisted that whatever was in here was for her eyes only.
She decided to text Sheldon once again.
Amy: Thank you for trusting me with these documents, Sheldon. You don't know how much this means to me.
Sheldon: Who else would I share them with? Besides, you're my wife, I share everything with you. (smile)
Amy: Keep that up and I might go home tonight (wink)
Sheldon: In as much as I want that, you need to sleep and rest, Amy.
Amy: I know. I'm sorry about running away again.
Sheldon: It's alright, darlin'. Now you carry on reading but you have to stop in an hour and go sleep. Our progeny needs her mama to be all happy and healthy.
Amy: Really? You think our baby's a girl?
Sheldon: I would like to have a little Amy around (smile)
Amy: Awww… So sweet. Although, I prefer a little Sheldon though.
Sheldon: Want to bet? (smirk)
Amy: Interesting…
Sheldon: We'll talk about the bet and the details when you're home. There's going to be a contract and everything. That way, when you lose, you can't use your charms against me to get your way.
Amy: So serious, Dr. Cooper.
Sheldon: I have to protect myself against your charms, you vixen. Now, one hour and off to bed. No negotiations.
Amy: Yes, sir (wink)
Amy set the alarm on her phone to one-hour. Since Sheldon was very thorough, she must not violate his condition. After all, he was right. It was for the best interest of their baby. With the alarm set-up, she resumed her reading again.
I realized that since Amy is not like my other friends who blindly worship me, I must do more things for her so that she would like me better. I tried to follow my mother's advice. Although this advice was for my sister. Anyway, it couldn't hurt.
I was right! Amy did love my Sourdough bread. Mom really knew what she's talking about when she said, "a way to man's heart is through his stomach." Although this is only a short-term thing given my daddy cheated on her. Good thing I am only getting on Amy's good graces since I want to keep her friendship.
Amy chuckled as she read more of Sheldon's thoughts. In some instances, he gave a thorough retelling of their "riveting" (his words) counterfactual games. He would then detail that he was amazed at her brilliance since she always kept him on his toes which was truly refreshing for a man of his genius intellect. She found it funny when he also lamented about her frowning on his love of comic books and "doper space movies" (her words). As she read more of Sheldon's retelling, she felt her eyes start to droop.
She glanced at her phone and noticed that she had five more minutes until her one-hour was up. She decided to mark her page and check on the next one for a sneak preview. As she saw the name of "Zack", she smirked. Tomorrow morning will be a very interesting read.
As part of their tradition, she wanted to say goodnight to Sheldon so she called him up. He immediately answered, his voice filled with worry.
"Amy, is something wrong?"
"I just wanted to say goodnight, Sheldon. My one-hour is up, as promised," she was smiling as she talked to her husband.
"Oh, good…"
"Good night, Sheldon."
"Good night, Amy."
"I guess I'll talk to – "
"You owe me a good night kiss, little lady," he said teasingly.
"Oh, you know how I am with my routines. Besides, it's your fault for getting me addicted to your pouty lips, you vixen," he sighed.
"You got yourself a deal, Dr. Cooper," she replied flirtatiously.
"It better be a long one," he pouted.
"As long as you want it to be."
"You don't know what you're getting yourself into, little lady."
Amy chuckled. It still amazed her that the stoic Sheldon Cooper could be so laid back and relaxed with her and her alone. She truly felt so loved by him that she chastised herself for accusing him of cheating. Stupid pregnancy hormones!
"Good night, Sheldon."
"Sweet dreams, Amy and baby benign overlord," he chuckled.
"Bye. Mwah!" and with that, Amy carefully stored the documents in the box and prepared for bed.
A/N: I changed the rating to T since there are no "sexy scenes" yet. In the future, well it will definitely change.
Thoughts on the chapter? Any special Shamy scenes you want me to include?
This chapter is unedited by the way since I'm so sleepy. When I post Chapter 4, I'll edit this as well.
Review, fave, and follow if you enjoyed this chapter.
P.S. I'm a new Shamy writer so forgive me.