Collapsing onto her sofa, Stephanie throws her head back as a few more tears escape her eyes. Today probably couldn't have been worse - but she blames herself just as much as she blames Brie.
Quietly getting on with some paperwork, while admittedly quite boring, was at least a distraction from the rest of the world; she didn't have to think about Paul, she wasn't in the house which feels way too big for her, but most importantly, Steph's mind was too concentrated on finances to be thinking about Brie Bella. Every time Stephanie thinks about her, there's a split second where she makes her feel incredibly happy.. but then comes the sharp sting of realisation, and she's hurting all over again. In essence, it's simply so much easier to not think about Brie at all.
But today, she had to. Because Brie was there.
When Steph heard someone knock on the door, she didn't think for a second that Brie would walk into her office. Presumably, it would be another superstar, or someone from production.. but Brie?
Stephanie knows that she reacted angrily, and maybe it was over the top, but laying eyes on Brianna again caused all of the pent up emotion to spill out at once. Yes, perhaps she shouldn't have shouted.. but Stephanie was just so angry at Brie, she couldn't help it! And wether she had the right or not, Steph's blood was boiling - for Brianna leaving her all those months ago, only to turn up out of the blue on a random Monday night.
As Steph moves herself to lie down on the sofa, she props her head above a cushion, her tears falling onto the soft fabric; she clings to her stomach as the pain begins manifesting itself in physical ways. While a small part of her is still angry at the younger woman.. she deeply regrets yelling at her. Call her stupid, but Stephanie near despises herself for losing her temper so badly.. for Christ's sake, Brie's pregnant, what if Steph's outbursts caused any complications? She'd never be able to live with herself. Besides, she never even gave Brianna a chance to explain herself..
It feels like, over the years, Stephanie's made an enemy out of every superstar on their roster - she's always been perceived as the cold hearted authority figure, who abuses all of her power.. but deep down, she's a kind woman, with a heart of gold. And Brianna brought that side to the forefront.. she made Steph want to be a better person, and made her feel like it's okay to be vulnerable. After today, the older woman is questioning if she really is just the bully everyone takes her for.
The most hurtful part of all..? Brie saying 'I love you'. Being true to her heart, Stephanie could say the same about Brianna.. maybe she really has fallen for her? Maybe, if she allowed herself, Steph could march to Brie's front door and take her in her arms, forgetting the world that surrounds them. But even if that were possible, Stephanie understands that loving Brie would only hurt them both; After all, if Brie really loved her, why would she abandon her and have a second child with someone else?
As Stephanie sinks further into the sofa, the front door clicks, and the broken young woman looks towards the noise. In walks her two teenage daughters, and Stephanie inwardly swears at herself for forgetting that her girls were staying with her for the night. With her and Paul only being recently separated, the custody of Aurora and Murphy isn't a set routine yet; besides, today has been admittedly frazzling for her.
Quickly wiping away the tears on her cheeks, Stephanie stands up to greet the girls, plastering on a smile. With that being said, Neither Murphy or Aurora seem convinced by their mother's fakery.
"Okay, we can tell you've been crying." Murphy pokes.
"Oh.. yeah, just a sad movie.." She plays off, hoping they buy the excuse. "How come you're wearing your ballet shoes Murph?"
A moment of silence passes. Stephanie racks her mind for what she could've said wrong - everything that comes out of her mouth seems to get her in trouble today. But whatever the reason for the judgmental look on her daughter's faces is, Steph isn't entirely sure that she'll be able to mentally cope with another argument. She's at her wit's end with life at the minute, and she can't always imagine herself coming out the other side.
"Are you kidding?" Aurora breaks the silence.
"No..? Did your teacher change the days of rehearsal again?"
Murphy looks down as her little blue eyes begin to well up. "I have a dance show tonight.. you were supposed to come watch me.." she explains with a wobbly voice.
"She's been looking forward to this for months, and you forget?" Aurora shoots, protectively wrapping an arm around her younger sister.
Completely horrified, Stephanie can't help but feel the knot in her stomach tightening - as if her day could've gone any worse. She swears on her own life that quite literally no one told Steph about this dance show.. Hell, she didn't even book time off work! The only reason she's at home is because she left early after what happened with Brie! Admittedly, Stephanie hasn't been able to attend every dance show, but she's always tried her best to get there.
"Honey, I promise you that no one told me about tonight.." Stephanie pleads.
"Dad told us he'd phoned you, and you offered to drive us there.." Murphy says with a quivering lip.
Stephanie does her best not to scoff too loudly. She can forgive Paul for getting mixed up about the phone call.. but you can't imagine someone offering to drive. For whatever purpose, he's so blatantly lied to them, and once again, Stephanie must look like the bad guy in front of her own children.
As much as Steph could loose her mind right now, break down crying and blame Paul for her life falling apart.. but besides being disingenuous, she can't badmouth a father in front of his kids. Aurora and Murphy are just as much Paul's children as Stephanie's, and she refuses to play a blame game with him.
"Girls, I'm sorry, but your dad must've just gotten his wires crossed.." She says, attempting to remain calm.
"Dad's right.. you really don't care about us, do you?" Aurora questions.
Her eyes visibly widening, Stephanie nearly has a panic attack on the spot. Surely, her girls don't believe she just doesn't care? Granted, she isn't the perfect mother.. but despite all her faults, there's no one on this earth she'd put before her daughters - not her father, not her brother, not Paul.. not even Brianna. Besides how heartbreaking that question is, Steph's blood also boils at it; why the fuck is Paul telling his girls that their mother doesn't care about them?
"Your dad said I don't care about you..?" Stephanie asks, her fragile state getting the better of her as she starts weeping.
"He's only telling the truth!" Murphy shouts.
Shooting her mother a dismissive look before turning around, Aurora looks down to her sister. "Come on, we'll get the bus, and we'll just go back to dad's together afterwards.."
"Wait.. wait, I'm happy to drive you.." Steph makes a plea, near enough pathetically.
Aurora guides her sister to the front door a Stephanie's tears just get worse and worse. What happened with Brie was nearly enough to send her over the edge - if she can't amend this with her daughters, she might become past the point of saving. If she had nothing else, her daughters are all Stephanie truly needs..
"Girls.. please, I'm sorry.. I'm so, so sorry.." She sobs. "Murph, I'd love to come watch you.."
"I don't want you there!" Her youngest daughters yells. "I don't want you anywhere near me! I just want to do what dad suggested, and move in with him permanently!"
While she attempts at wrapping her mind around what Murphy just said, Stephanie weakly stammers in response. Words can't describe how she feels - it's the most deep scar of betrayal and abandonment possible, and it's a hole she isn't sure is escapable. Despite her girls only being a few steps away from her, they've honestly never felt so far away.
"Met too Murph.." Aurora agrees, looking her mother directly in the crying eyes. "Let's go.." she adds, taking them both outside of the house.
Upon hearing the door click once again, Stephanie physically falls back onto the sofa, desperately trying to regain control of her breathing. She's never cried this way in her entire life, not even when she discovered Paul's cheating. All her mind can focus on is the idea of sheer hopelessness.
Sobbing uncontrollably, Steph slowly drags herself up the stairs, clinging onto the banister for dear life. Right now, she needs the minimal comfort found within a pillow, underneath a warm duvet.. and no matter how much she despises herself for doing it - she imagines Brianna lying with her.
Because regardless on what her brain knows.. her heart still loves her. She loves her.