The Legend of Zelda, its characters and locations are all property of Nintendo. Any and all OCs and original locations belong to me unless specifically stated to belong to someone else.

Fashion Disaster
Chapter 8

While the Sheikah retreated to the couch and gathered around Sheik to put him the new outfit he'd demanded, Link and Zelda conferred behind their cameras, going through a few of the shots they'd taken.

"This is good," Zelda said, grinning at the camera, focusing on one shot in particular. It was of Ishida, crouching low, with Kiro and Rena hovering in the background, giving the viewer a wicked, challenging grin that could be interpreted either as lascivious or taunting. "He looks like either wants to sleep with you, kick your ass, or both."

"Probably just the ass kicking part," Link said "Guy can't stand me."

"Well, you had a rough start, but at least you're able to work together," Zelda said, giving him a sly look. "And you? Sleep with, kick ass, or both?"

Never mind the fact that this was far from something Link wanted to talk to his sister about. Zelda had never given much thought to decorum, especially not after Link had come out to her during high school. She'd gone for the jugular right away and tried to set him up with a whole bunch of guys she knew.

They'd all ended in disaster.

Link chose not to answer. Frankly because he wasn't sure himself. Each moment he interacted with Ishida, it went from one to the other, then shifting back. He supposed that technically meant both, but...

"I respectfully decline to answer," he finally said. Zelda rolled her eyes, but didn't press further, finishing her perusal of the photos.

"These are all good, Link," she said, smiling. "Thank you so much for agreeing to this."

"Yeah, well..."

"Excuse me, Miss Hyrule?"

Link saw the change in Zelda the moment Paya's voice spoke behind them. Her tone was even and serious, nothing flirtatious about it at all, but Zelda reacted like Paya had just suggested they do some extracurricular activities, based on the way she blushed. If this were an anime, her nose would be gushing blood already.

His sister had never been a good poker player.

"Y-Yes!" she exclaimed, whirling around to face the suit-clad security guard. "What can I do for you?!" she more or less shouted in Paya's face.

The Sheikah took it stoically, not even flinching. "I was wondering if I might have a moment of your time. I have some questions regarding your cyber security setup..."

"O-Of course!" Zelda replied, still shouting into poor Paya's face. "What would you like to know?!"

"Well, I noticed that you have a guest network set up, but it appears to be unsecured. Even if this network doesn't have access to your server, I highly recommend that you secure it with a password-and a difficult one, at that-just in case. I can show you how, if you wish?"

Link suppressed his frustrated groan. He'd been telling Zelda to do that for months, but her ability to follow through with IT-related stuff was about as well-developed as her scheduling ability.

"Yes please," Zelda said.

There'd be hearts in her eyes by now.

Paya bore it well, giving Zelda a polite smile as they headed for Zelda's desk and the computer on it.

Well, Link suspected he wouldn't be seeing much of her for the rest of the day.

"What the fuck is this?!"

At this point, Ishida's shouting didn't even surprise him. He simply went about his business, resetting his gear for round two.

Sheik never learned. When dealing with Kafei, any sort of compromise reached would always be in his favour, even if he made it sound like it was of mutual benefit. In this case, it couldn't even be called that; it was more of a "Heads, I win, tails, you lose," situation.

Oh, sure, the outfit he'd just been put in was more covering, technically, but it somehow seemed even worse than the other one, because this one pretended to be modest.

It was a kimono, dark blue, with the red Sheikah eye patterned all over it. That in itself wasn't the problem. The problem was the length. It ended just a few inches above his knees, but each movement he made had the fabric sliding up a little, exposing his thighs in a way that felt far obscener than the shorts had.

There was no right sleeve, or rather it was pulled back and down, tied down beneath the wide obi (which was tied into a big bow behind his back), revealing the right side of Sheik's upper body.

One of Kafei's little minions had attached some sort of butterfly-shaped hair accessory to the side of his head, while the bun his hair had been kept in had been loosened and several locks were braided.

All in all, while the exposed shoulder might have looked a bit badass, the other touches like the nearly revealed thighs and other touches just made it look more feminine.

Sheik hated it.

"You just can't design a normal outfit, can you?" he asked, glaring at his cousin, the man behind all his misery. "What's wrong with a regular kimono? A fully covering one?"

"Oh, that's part of the collection, too," Kafei said, waving his hand dismissively. "But that's not what this shoot is about. We're here to show that my designs are daring and bold and will shake up the dreary fashion world!"

"By dressing everyone like ninja rent boys?" Sheik asked.

"If I must," Kafei nodded. "I'll show that hack Elenwe that ninjas are where it's at, not fucking desert nomads or whatever she's trying to push this time!"

"Why do you have to drag me into your pissing match with your fashion rival?!"

Kafei pretended to give the question some thought. "For funsies?" he said.

Sheik groaned and hid his face in his hands, earning himself a judgemental tongue click from the minion in charge of make-up. Someone tapped his foot, and he lifted without thinking, letting them slide a wooden sandal onto it. The process was repeated with his other foot. Only when he put it down, Sheik realised he was suddenly a little taller.

"Kafei," he said, still hiding his face.

"Yes, cousin?"

"Am I wearing geta?"

"Yes, you are!"

"Why?"

"...well, you've always wanted to be taller, haven't you?"

"What the fuck?!"

The shoot continued. Despite his earlier outburst, Ishida was being quieter now. He almost seemed embarrassed, his cheeks dusted with red.

"Come on, everyone!" Kafei exclaimed from just behind Link. "It's festival time! Let's all be happy and cheerful! We're having the time of our lives!"

Kiro and Rena were in kimonos as well, much in the same style as Ishida's, though they seemed to be exceedingly comfortable in theirs, having no trouble sliding around in front of the camera, posing alternatively sensuously and ecstatically with each other. Occasionally, Ishida was brought between them, sometimes in a group hug, but sometimes like a lover.

The last part was Kafei's idea.

"Now, Rena," Kafei said, "hold Sheik against your bosom like a mother, and Kiro...hm...maybe grab his buttock?"

Link didn't consider himself a prude, but he found that to be an incredibly inappropriate thing for him to say about his own cousin. Judging by Ishida's grimace, he didn't like it much either.

Zelda was no help, still being helped with her cyber security setup by Paya, making googly eyes at the pretty Sheikah.

So...

Link made a decision.

"I think we've got enough suggestive photos, Mr. Kafei," he said, turning to look at the designer. "We're dangerously close to turning this into a soft-core pornography shoot, and that's not what the contract stipulated."

"What?" Kafei asked. "But that's...really, pornography? What kind of sheltered upbringing did you have?"

"A daring pose is fine," Link maintained, "but models grabbing each other's asses? That's not fashion. That's porn, Mr. Kafei, and that's not my job."

Kafei looked positively offended by that. "Hmph, big words coming from the man who took a bunch of upskirt photos at the show."

"I also took a lot of non-upskirt photos, but I guess those weren't of interest to you," Link countered. "Again, I have to insist that we keep this PG-13."

Kafei maintained his glare for a few moments, but then relented. "Fine, I guess you're right. Sorry, I get a little caught up in these things."

"Good," Link said, nodding. "Festival friends, then?"

"Sounds good to me," Kafei said. "Okay guys, you heard the man. Just having fun at a festival now!"

"Got it, boss," Kiro said.

Link turned back to his camera and continued to shoot. He didn't notice the appreciative look he got from Ishida...or the calculating yet approving one he got from Kafei.

After that, things were...easier. Ishida's uncharacteristic tranquillity continued, but he seemed far less...uncomfortable now. Maybe without Kafei's continued suggestions to look salacious, he felt more confident. A bit odd, since Link assumed Ishida would be used to it by now, being a model and all, but he was just happy that the shoot was moving along at a good pace now.

Mostly because Link himself was feeling more comfortable with issuing instructions and making adjustments to the scenes now. Zelda had disappeared into conversation with Paya, and now that he wasn't feeling her gaze boring into the back of his head, he wasn't afraid of fucking up too badly.

That said, directing three models at the same time was exhausting, and when he gently suggested to Kafei that they do some single shots, the designer was thrilled.

"Excellent idea!" he exclaimed. "Let's do Sheik's first! He's the centrepiece! Rena, Kiro, get over here. It's time for a wardrobe change anyway!"

Ah.

Well.

Link was suddenly a bit unsure again. He'd hoped to be able to warm up with Kiro and Rena, who seemed far more comfortable with this gig than Ishida, but here he was...and he suddenly found himself completely blank on what to do.

"Treat him like a sexy mannequin," Zelda's voice suddenly whispered in his ear, and it took every single bit of self-control he had not to scream.

"How long were you standing there?" he hissed.

"Long enough to see you freeze," his sister said, nodding to his camera. "Lose the tripod-time to get those angles and energy Kafei loved so much. And, seriously, just treat him like you would a mannequin. It's time to show off the fit and fabric-and make sure he pops his legs. Bitches love popped legs."

And then she was gone. Link looked back and found her, predictably, standing next to Paya, talking with one of the minions.

No help there, in other words.

Taking a deep breath, Link looked back ahead, finding Ishida standing there with an expectant yet hesitant look, waiting for instructions.

Ah, fuck it. Fake it till you make it, wasn't that the expression?

"Right," he said, unscrewing his camera from the tripod and walking up to Ishida. "I think that's enough for the theatrics, don't you?" Ishida nodded, confused. "We need to get a bunch of shots to show off the clothes themselves-like, fabrics and stuff. So...just do as I say, okay?"

"No funny business, though," Ishida said, grimacing.

"No funny business," Link confirmed with a nod. "So...shall we?"

Sheik didn't understand what was happening. Hyrule had changed completely from the nervous fool he'd been at the start of the shoot. He seemed to have found his feet a little halfway through, but now that it was just him and Sheik, he'd turned into someone else entirely.

Instead of nervously suggesting poses and carefully issuing corrections, he was now firmly guiding Sheik through a set of poses, all meant to show off the quality and fit of Kafei's design, and not a shred of perversity to be found in them. Many of them had Sheik staring into space, looking thoughtful, but also relaxed. Some had him posing triumphantly or stretching languidly. Some had him grinning like an idiot, others scowling or pouting.

But at no point was he asked to flip up the lower part of his kimono to show off those damned panties, nor was he asked to emphasise the parts of him that were uncovered. In fact, Hyrule almost asked him to do the opposite. It was all very...innocent almost.

The weirdest thing was how much Sheik found himself not minding being ordered around by this confident version of Hyrule. In fact, he found himself quite enjoying it. There was something almost...attractive about him, like this, in fact. The way those blue eyes roamed over Sheik, not in a horny manner, but professional, just analysing and trying to find the best way to show off Kafei's clothes using Sheik as a living mannequin.

And the expression he made was...for the lack of a better word, smouldering. Whether he did it on purpose or not, Sheik had no idea, but it was really...appealing.

Combined with the tight T-shirt showing off a physique that one usually only saw on people whose livelihoods depended on looking good...

His cheeks grew warm for the umpteenth time that day, but not out of embarrassment this time, but...

No!

Damn it, this was so fucking annoying! Sheik was supposed to be pissed at this guy for being a creepy, slobbering horn dog, but now he found himself liking him for his professional and, quite frankly, hot gaze.

Honestly, sometimes his eyes reminded Sheik of a wolf's. Not one out stalking prey, but the one watching a photographer curiously but cautiously.

"Good," Hyrule said quietly. "Very good. Turn a little towards me."

Sheik did so.

"Bend your right knee just a bit, and your foot outwards."

"Sheik did that, too.

"Good," Hyrule said, his voice low. "Very good. Hold that pose for me..."

His camera clicked several times as he moved around Sheik, getting him from every angle save for the low ones that would expose the stupid underwear. Sheik did not shiver a little at the approving tone from Hyrule.

He did not!

Something had changed in Ishida. Link wasn't sure what, but instead of grouchily and reluctantly complying with Link's instructions, as he had before, he was now doing exactly as he was told right away, making adjustments immediately as Link requested them.

Link took him through the typical poses Zelda had shown him during the preparations for the shoot. He wasn't sure if the typical ones were the best for showing off Kafei's particular designs, so he made a few adjustments along the way.

Ishida just accepted it all without complaint. In fact, he barely spoke at all. He was just...quietly posing. His eyes kept meeting Link's, and for the first time, without all the noise and distractions from before, Link could really notice how red they were. All the Sheikah had red eyes, but Ishida's seemed...deeper, somehow. And more vivid. Link was sure to take a few shots focusing on those eyes in particular-they matched the eye pattern of the kimono quite nicely, in fact.

About halfway through the normal poses, Link started making Ishida do a few martial arts poses again, which showcased the model's muscles underneath the silk-like material of the kimono very nicely. Whatever workout regime or martial art Ishida did, it left him in very nice shape.

But what really made Link grow a little hot under the collar (apart from the heat of the lamps) was just the quiet, almost shy demeanour of Ishida as he continued to obey and quietly pose the way Link asked him to.

"Okay," he said, drawing Ishida's attention to him immediately. "I want to take some close-up shots now. Get the fabric in focus, you know? Maybe a few low angles-"

Ishida's eyes widened a little. "I don't think-"

"Nothing up," Link said hurriedly. "None of that. Just...I'll have you look down at the camera. Superior-like, yeah?"

Ishida looked sceptical, but eventually nodded. "Okay," he said.

Link stepped closer and got down on one knee, beckoning Ishida closer. "If you stand here," he gestured to the point right in front of himself, "and I shoot up, from your waist, we'll get the light reflecting off the shiny threads. If you look a little...hm...smug, we can get a regal and dignified feel."

"Oh," Ishida said, looking surprised. "That sounds...good."

"Come closer, then."

"Right."

Fuck, why was Ishida doing as he was told so fucking appealing to Link? Sure, the twirl on the catwalk had been phenomenal in its own right but was this was entirely different. Maybe because it was such a contrast to the loud, obstinate shit he'd been earlier.

Damn it, he was supposed to be professional, not entranced by the model!

Focus, Link, focus!

Right, he had pictures to take, and lots of them.

For a while, all the sound that passed between him and Ishida were the clicks of Link's camera.

He fell into a bit of a trance, his sight and ears filled only with Ishida and his kimono. He had no idea how many pictures he took, but when he next looked down the screen was covered in a storage depletion warning, telling him he only had about a few dozen more photos before he needed to change the memory card.

"All right!" Zelda announced. "I think it's time to take a break!"

Link breathed a sigh of relief, a tension he hadn't even realised was building within him suddenly releasing. Ishida seemed much the same, his pose sagging a little.

Link gave him a little smile and looked behind himself...and found the whole studio in an odd state.

Zelda was behind the secondary camera, trying her best to look innocent.

Suspicious.

Kafei and Paya were right behind her, also looking innocent.

Even more suspicious. At least in Kafei's case. Paya seemed trustworthy.

For now.

The minions appeared to be restraining Kiro and Rena, whose eyes were bulging and faces scandalised.

What the fuck even was that?

Well, whatever it was, Link didn't care. He was tired and needed a break. And something to eat and drink because goddamn was he thirsty and famished, and...well, he kind of wanted to ask Ishida if he wanted to have lunch together.

To give them a better chance to bury the hatchet.

Nothing more than that.

He opened his mouth to ask, but he was interrupted by Kafei.

"Hey, Sheik! If you want to text your boyfriend during the break, that's fine by me. Paya, get him his phone."

Link turned back to Ishida just in time to see the model's face turn bright red, his mouth opening and closing several times as all that came out was several false starts and syllables. "I...wha...you...Kaf!"

Huh, so Ishida wasn't single...

Something in Link's chest gave a slight twinge, but he ignored it.

Stomped it down.

Crushed it under the heaviest weight he could find.

"I'm going to the bathroom!" he announced loudly as he marched past Zelda, shoving his camera into her hands as he did so.

Sheik stared after Hyrule as he literally stomped off towards the bathroom like a toddler, just after announcing his need to use it, confused as all fuck. The professional and serious attitude the Hylian showed before had evaporated in an instant the moment his sister had announced their break, leaving Sheik with the impression, once again, that the guy was a complete buffoon.

Other than when working, apparently.

He shook his head, disappointed that he'd been wrong, focusing instead on glaring at his cousin, who was about to pay for that boyfriend comment.

"The fuck's the matter with you?!" he shrieked.

"I figured you'd want to tell young Sidon how the shoot is going?" Kafei said, trying to look innocent. "He was so excited for you-"

"He's not my boyfriend!"

"Oh, but you looked so chummy at the party-"

"We're friends, nothing more!"

Which was a shame, but what could he do? Well, invite Sidon for a spar at the dojo, he supposed. Maybe Hyrule too, if only so Sheik could have an excuse to kick his ass. It'd be cathartic, maybe even for Hyrule if he was the masochistic type.

"Ah, well, foolish me," Kafei said with a shrug. "Miss Hyrule, where are we on lunch?"

Sheik's stomach growled at the mention of food, and all thoughts of perverted idiot Hylians with stupidly handsome faces disappeared, and he excitedly turned towards the Trifocus owner.

"What're we having?" he asked eagerly.

Zelda looked stricken. "Hehe," she said with a smile that looked like it was about to crack. "Funny story...about that..."

Sheik's stomach twisted and lurched. This couldn't be...

"What's the matter?" Paya asked.

"Ehehe...I...may have forgotten to call the caterer," the photographer said, looking embarrassed.

In the corner of his vision, Kafei braced himself.

"What?!" Sheik shouted. "How the fuck could you forget that?!"

"I was going to!" Zelda said, pointing at her phone. "Had it written down in my schedule and everything! Except..."

"Except?" Sheik repeated slowly.

"...something came up?"

This was it. This was the day Sheik murdered someone. He opened his mouth again, one hell of a salvo of adjectives prepared, but Rena was suddenly standing behind him, snaking her arm around Sheik's waist and covering his mouth with her other hand.

"Let's say not anything we'll regret, hm?" Rena suggested. "I'm hungry too, but we're all professionals here."

"Not her, clearly," Sheik muttered under her hand.

"Hmph," Rena hummed, her own stomach making a sound like a purring cat. "Still."

"There's no food?!" Kiro wailed, throwing himself on the couch dramatically. "I'm going to die!"

The minions joined him in his wailing, crying about starving to death in a chorus of whining that, frankly, had Sheik plotting his escape. Or a murderous, cannibalistic spree.

Either or, really.

"I think I saw a convenience store a few blocks from here," Paya said, shutting down the wailing choir with a decisive blow. "Why don't I go get something?"

Sheik's gut continued to voice its displeasure at the lack of nourishment, and while he was immensely disappointed there wasn't going to be any fancy catered stuff, right now he'd happily eat anything.

Or anyone.

Like Zelda, if she continued to give Paya-nee that hungry look.

"That is an excellent idea, Paya!" Zelda announced. "I will go with you!"

"Is it really such a good idea?" Rena asked doubtfully, stepping away from Sheik now that she could be (reasonably) sure that he wasn't about to commit murder. "I mean, shouldn't you be staying here to keep an eye on things?"

"Oh, my brother will take care of that!" Zelda said, pointing at Hyrule as he emerged from the bathroom looking quite miserable. "Link!"

His eyes widened. "What?" he asked.

"Paya and I are stepping out for a moment to get some food."

"Why?" Hyrule asked, grimacing as he came to a conclusion. "You forgot to call the caterer, didn't you?" he said accusingly.

"Not important!" the sister exclaimed. "As I said, I'm stepping out, and I need you to keep an eye on things and stop everyone from eating each other. Sound good? Great!"

The guy wasn't given a moment to protest as Zelda, in a feat of impressive speed and guile, managed to hook her arm in Paya's and more or less drag her out of the office.

Impressive, because Paya-nee wasn't the sort to just let herself be manhandled by anyone, much less someone she didn't like.

...unless...

Nah, couldn't be.

So here they were, standing in a rough circle, all eyes on Hyrule as he looked very much like a deer caught in the headlights of an incoming car, suddenly in charge of a studio filled with three two models, one judo instructor, one designer, and a small army of assistants.

All of them starving.

The cannibalistic murder spree was starting to seem more and more likely.

"So," Kafei said, looking oddly cheerful. "How about a game of Never Have I Ever?"

Sheik punched him in the throat.

Two minutes later, in the parking garage

Zelda couldn't keep her eyes off Paya as they headed for the Shinobi van. They'd need it if they were going to get enough food for everyone. Frankly, some of them had looked hungry enough to start killing and eating each other.

And Zelda couldn't have people eating each other in her studio.

Unless it was the sexy kind.

Speaking of sexy, it was unfair how beautiful Paya was. Seriously, how could a girl both look like the very image of innocence and sex at the same time? It was ridiculous! Even worse, it didn't look like the slightest thing bothered her or threw her off. She bore with every bit of insanity with a calm she'd only seen on monks in the old temples they'd toured in the mountains.

Clearly, she was some sort of goddess.

Her physique under that suit certainly supported that hypothesis.

Gods, how Zelda wanted to see it bared...

The van's lights flashed as Paya unlocked it with the remote key, opening the sliding door and rearranging some of the boxes inside to make room for the food they'd buy. It forced her to bend over, and Zelda had never been so grateful for the trend of tight suit pants as it gave her ample view of sheer buns of fucking steel.

"...are you all right?"

How long had she been staring? And spacing out? Long enough for Paya to turn around and face her again, apparently. Her lips (sinfully moist) were turned down in a slight frown, looking at Zelda with a little concern.

"Miss Hyrule?"

"P-Please, call me Zelda," she replied.

Gods, how she wanted to kiss those lips. Touch those arms. Squeeze those buns. Eugh, Zelda knew she was being creepy, but there was nothing wrong with fantasising, right? If she were braver, she'd ask the Sheikah out loud if she super wanted to make out, but-

"Yes."

"Eh?" she said intelligently.

"I...want to," Paya repeated, her face turning red.

"Want to what?" Zelda asked.

Paya shifted uncomfortably, suddenly unable to meet Zelda's gaze with her own. "Um...I want to...super make out...with you."

Oh.

Oh!

Oh fuck, she'd said that out loud, hadn't she?

"Y-Yes," Paya said. "I-If you don't want to-"

Zelda's body moved without her mind's input as she rushed forward, crushing her lips against Paya's, taking them both off balance and sending them sprawling into the back seat of the van. The electric door activated automatically and shut behind them.

That was a sign, Zelda decided, as was the moaning whimper from Paya and the way she squirmed eagerly under her.

Lunch could wait.