Title: Brother to Brother
Fandom: MacGyver (2016)
Author: Pandi19
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Angus MacGyver, Jack Dalton
Summary: Set in 4.12, in the cemetery Mac gets more answers from the living than the dead. (AU tag)
A/N: I've held on to this finished story for several months and now seemed as good as any to yeet it from the nest. Thank you to impossiblepluto to giving it a look-through.
This is part of the Departed Discussions series. You don't have to read Heart to Heart to understand this at all. Just two standalones, linked by subject.
As the GTO rolled to a stop behind the black pickup truck and Jack Dalton shifted into park, he hesitated. Was he really doing this?
He could drive off. Nobody would know. Mac wouldn't know.
As he contemplated his options, Jack chewed on the inside of his mouth. The coppery taste of blood spread onto his tongue, a symptom of his nervousness. In his mind's eye, the ideas swapped positions quickly as if playing the shell game and he hoped he kept his eye on the right choice.
Two years ago and a lifetime away, it wouldn't have been a question. Jack had known his purpose, felt it down to his bones. Mac as his job was breathing, living. Jack felt as though he hadn't taken an easy breath in years.
In the time since his Kovacs' mission, his life had been turned upside down. Everyone on the team had gotten doxed. The Phoenix was shuttered. And one-by-one everyone took on civilian jobs, each trying to find their own balance. Jack bounced from job-to-job, first trying private security jobs, then falling back on tiling bathrooms and kitchens. In the beginning, they'd kept up with calls or texts, once they'd all met up for pizza and skee-ball. But, after a while the normalcy drifted, and it was less painful to not contact.
Operating with the possibility of everything being yanked out from under was a way of life for a soldier and clandestine agent; coping with the reality was harder. Being on the outside was hell. The fallout had taken more than an occupation, it ripped his family apart. For the first time since he'd joined up eons ago, Jack was left without a purpose or a brotherhood.
He hadn't spoken to Mac in over a year.
Just outside the cemetery, Jack sat in the GTO. Windows down. Radio off. Counting his breaths and exhalations; desperate to quell the uneasiness coiled deep in his gut. He focused on the breeze.
His mind was swirling. When Matty sent out her 911 text, he hadn't known what to do. If Jack were honest with himself, he still didn't know what to do. Without thinking his instincts led him, but he couldn't bring himself to get out of the car.
Going out there, made things real. Real meant the risk of rejection. Wounds carefully sealed and protected, would be exposed. There would be the possibility of hurt.
Jack dug his phone out of his back pocket, then flicked the screen on. Scrolling through his text messages, he found the map. The autopilot of a thousand missions took over as he enlarged the schematics, eyes moving back and forth as he quickly committed everything to memory.
Inhaling deeply, Jack shut off the car. He released the breath slowly as he checked the clip in his weapon, then tucked it into his jean waistband. With the practiced ease of a federal agent, he exited the car, adjusted his shirt to conceal his gun. Taking another deep breath, he tried to still the rising panic within himself, then shut the car door before heading up the path.
The cemetery was picturesque, something that would make the front of a brochure for the afterlife. Strong sycamore and maple trees along the gentle hills with willows by the lake. The family plot was around 150 meters in, tucked away from the view of the road. As Jack cut down the adjacent row of headstones, he saw him.
Mac.
By the look of it, he was carrying the weight of the world. Again. From his direction, Jack could see his former partner's side profile. Mac sat, lounging in front of the family plot, James and Ellen MacGyver. Most would've seen it as relaxed and comfortable, but Jack saw the rigidity in how he held himself. Mac's bangs dipped in front of his face as his head bowed. One hand fidgeting with his shirt placket that covered the buttons. Mac was at war with himself and everyone else.
As he walked closer, he made sure to slow his gait to a more casual pace, the last thing he wanted was to spook Mac. Whatever the situation was, he knew it had to be big; something big enough for Matty to contact a civilian, especially one that didn't have his head screwed on properly. From what Matty had said, Mac was trapped in a spiral and lashing out at everyone. Jack was the last one who wanted to cause the kid pain; he still hadn't forgiven himself from before.
His approach didn't matter and Mac's head snapped to the side at the intrusion and he stared down Jack, eyes full of anguish and shock.
"Hey, man." As soon as the words left his mouth, Jack was mentally slugging it out with himself. Hey, man? You went with that, Jack?
"Jack? What—what are you doing here? You're back in LA?" Mac asked, confused.
He heard the question Mac hadn't asked as clear as day. Why didn't you tell me? It cut through Jack like a knife. The accusation. But more so, the fact that it wouldn't matter what he said. Mac's mind would supply the story he would believe; reality be damned. Breaking his tenuous connection with Mac, Jack looked up at the cloudless blue sky and sent a big fuck you to James MacGyver.
Mac back in his sight, he grinned widely, feeling the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkle. Jack couldn't remember the last time he'd had a reason to smile. It was good to see him regardless of reason, but Jack's insides were twisted in knots.
Instead of talking loudly and potentially waking the dead as they slumbered, he jogged the remaining short distance. Swallowing his breathlessness and ignoring the burn in his legs and torso, he answered truthfully, "Just got in last night, Hoss."
Mac started to gather himself up and stand. "Nah, don't do that. Maybe I can sit a spell with you?"
Receiving a nod, Jack eased himself down to the sun-warmed grass. He pursed his lips against the groan in his throat. While he tried to find a comfortable position, Mac rearranged himself into an easy cross-legged seat, then plucked a blade of grass and began to tie it into repeating knots. The air was heavy in a way he hadn't felt in years. He didn't take offense to Mac's need to fidget, though playing with anything other than paperclips was odd.
They sat in the silence for a while after that. The physical distance between them closed, while their connection was miles apart. It was the worst round of the Silent Game, Jack had ever played. But, he knew he had to wait and for this kid, he would wait the rest of his life if need be.
Breaking the quiet, Mac repeated a question from before as he concentrated on the grass chain in his hand. "What are you doing here, Jack?"
He took a breath and pivoted slightly toward Mac before answering. "I got the bat signal."
Mac exhaled harshly and threw the grass knot to the side. "I don't need a babysitter. You shouldn't've come. 'M sure you have better things to do."
Closing his eyes briefly against Mac's verbal punch, Jack heard the pain and betrayal in his tone and words and felt the surge of emotions roiling off. Breathing in to ground himself, he opened his eyes and dipped his head. "There's no better thing than you, Kiddo. And, I'm not babysitting, you're thirty. Matty thought you might need a friend right now," he replied hoping to lower his former partner's walls.
"Fucking Matty," Mac muttered.
"Hey now –" Jack held his hand out. "I think she was right. You just lost your pop. I know things weren't like you'd hoped, but I'm sorry, man."
Mac shifted to hug his knees close to his body. "He wanted to start over." His voice was small. "He-he asked and I told him it was a little late, then he sacrificed himself because I was more important."
Jack felt a wave of emotion rising up his chest and let himself fall into it. Tears slid down his cheeks.
"It's because you are, Mac, you are. You're the key to so many equations, it ain't funny," he replied.
Some things never changed. Mac wasn't one to see and know his worth. Jack saw the trenches the kid dealt with in life; hell, he'd been in most of them, too, side-by-side. But he saw outside where Mac couldn't when he was focused on the problem.
"Is that how you found me? I don't have my phone." Mac asked, pivoting away from the feelings.
Jack shook his head, at the mistrust and as the answer. "Matty? Nah. I called Riley and she low-jacked her ride that you're borrowing after I didn't find you in the usual places."
Mac hummed a response, then picked another piece of grass. His gaze shifted away from Jack to the marble gravestone of Ellen and James MacGyver.
The emotional, relational distance between them was a great chasm. Looking over the edge, Jack saw all of his failures. The voice in his head was ever-present telling him he'd done to Mac what he'd promised not to; he'd abandoned the kid. When he returned from the Kovacs' mission, he'd ruined what remained. Jack had let go to save Mac from himself and left Mac to think whatever his big brain came up with. He'd settled on Mac being safe, for the price of his own peace.
"Sorry that I haven't been around," he began. "I've been thinkin' maybe I was your Mary Poppins; I was there when you needed me, not when you wanted me. And when you wanted me, but didn't need me in the same way, I had to go."
"So, you're my Yondo?" Mac's mouth quirked a grin. "Never mind that makes sense."
While the tension eased, Jack continued. "I didn't want to go, hell, I still want to be there on the razor's edge with you; I probably always will. But, you got what you needed in a weird twisted, nightmarish-sort of way, you got your family back, then built what you needed."
"But the cost…." Mac interrupted, only to stop when Jack held his hand up.
"Was worth it. Knowing you could thrive and save the world while I was out chasing my demons was the only way I could walk out that door," Jack confessed.
"You are my family, Jack, more than he ever could be." Mac said, gesturing to the headstone reading his father's name.
This was what they'd never talked about. It had always been unspoken, especially following James MacGyver's return. Their connection had puzzled his father to the level where he'd looked around every corner and under each rock working to discover how they ticked and how to disrupt it before settling on a ghost-suicide mission for Jack.
Tears filled Jack's eyes turning his vision blurry. "I'm so, so sorry, Mac. I'm so sorry," he choked out.
He barely detected when Mac scooted closer, almost closing the gap between them. Blurrily, he saw Mac's legs stretched now parallel with his own. Then Mac shoved a long blade of grass into his fingers and Jack held on to it as if it were his only lifeline.
"He made you into a weapon in his war for control over me. None of what happened is your fault. I don't blame you for anything, I don't…no matter what your head's telling you, man. After you came back and the Phoenix went dark, I was an asshole. That's all me, pal. I'm the one who's sorry. I'm so sorry, Jack," Mac said, his voice growing lower with his own emotion.
All the chaos that had lived within him the last two years was threatening to sweep him away. The tears continued to fall. If Mac said anything after apologizing, he had no idea. He couldn't hear over the anguish in his soul.
"…You and me: we're good; I promise," Mac finished.
A gentle breeze swept through the cemetery as though to wash the slate between them. Jack leaned back, breathing deeply, trying to will the emotion back inside. They were good again. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Jack let out a laugh and looked at Mac. If it was absurd, he didn't say anything. Mac's blue eyes held the trust that he relied on.
Now to untangle Mac's head.
"You look like you've been rode hard and put away wet. Have you been sleeping at all?" Jack let concern filter through his words, leaning on them to balance himself.
"I don't have time to sleep; there's too much to do," Mac insisted as he dragged a heavy hand down his face.
Inaction wasn't an option for the kid, problems gnawed at him, stealing every, last ounce of self-preservation in the hunt for answers. Jack wondered if anyone on the team had said anything or if they'd been treading lightly through Mac's grief, unable or perhaps willing to be a lightning rod for his ire. They'd hadn't been him; they weren't Jack. He'd put himself between the kid and the fire every time…even as a civilian.
"Dude, take a beat. Even your brain needs to power down sometimes," Jack said, determined to help Mac see that he wasn't a robot like Sparky. As Mac rolled his eyes, he changed his tactic. "You're on a team so you don't run yourself into the ground. Use them, pass the baton. They'll give it back for you."
Mac shook his head stilling Jack's argument, for the moment, then asked, "Have you ever heard of File 47?"
He almost hadn't caught the switch flip to sensitive material. Over the years, they'd talked about not sharing with civilians that Jack had assumed Mac would adhere to that no matter if it were him on the other side. Although, if it helped Mac, he'd answer anything.
Jack frowned as he tried to remember across his career. "Forty-seven? Nah, kid, the only numbered file I know about is File 13."
Mac threw his head back and smiled before his face turned grim, his eyebrows knit together in what Jack recognized as deep anguish.
"What's File 47?" He asked, knowing Mac most likely couldn't tell him anything.
Mac chewed his lip for a second, then spoke, "Do you remember that old Star Trek episode, the one where we learn Kirk was on Tarsus IV and how Kodos sacrificed half the population to save the rest?"
For a beat, he had no idea what Mac was talking about. They'd watched the Original Series years ago after being laid up and hidden away from Bozer following Cairo and serious meds were involved. Then the realization hit him, and Jack's body turned cold from the inside out. "Genocide?"
"Sort of." Mac started to fidget more, this time, fishing his SAK from his pocket and starting to flip and detract each attachment one by one. "More like creating the apocalypse, then using Darwinism to determine who lives or dies."
"Using monkeys? Planet of the Apes is really going to happen? Hard pass." Jack was thoroughly confused now.
"Natural selection – it's survival of the fittest. Not monkeys, but not not monkeys, if that makes sense, less about evolution and more like Nazi Germany except it's a group called Codex," Mac explained.
"Fuck," Jack swore. Whatever he'd thought Matty was calling him off the bench for, it wasn't this. There was something still nagging him though. "Why'd you come here? You've never been one to talk with the departed, that's my thing."
Mac stilled his hands and looked at Jack. His face that of slight panic, like a child getting caught for doing the wrong thing. Unable to not offer tactile support anymore, Jack slowly reached out and gently squeezed Mac's bicep. "It's okay, man. You don't have to tell me."
"I don't know what I'm doing anymore or who am I. I'm even questioning which side I'm on," Mac confessed.
In that moment, everything aligned for Jack. It all made sense. "You ever heard of Saturn's return, Hoss?"
Mac quirked an eyebrow and asked, "Which Saturn are we talking about: the Roman god, the planet, or the car?"
Jack's hands came together to form an orb. "The planet. You see, Saturn's year lasts twenty-nine –"
"29.46 Earth years," Mac answered as if by rote.
"Is this your story or mine?" He feigned offense.
Mac rolled his eyes and gestured go on with his hand.
"Saturn's year lasts 29.46 Earth years as you say, so from where it is in its…" Jack made a loop in the air with his finger.
"Orbit," Mac supplied.
Jack continued, "Orbit, when you're born to when it comes back around is…."
"Now," Mac breathed. Jack wondered if Mac knew where he was going.
"Yeah, now. Really probably the last eighteen months fall into Saturn's return for you. The return causes what my nana called a great upheaval. It's a wake-up call. You come face-to-face with your fears. For some, it's like their world goes to hell in a handbasket," he explained.
"Check, check, and check. What happens after?" Mac asked.
Knowing this was the part Mac would integrate or reject into his story, Jack answered. "You come through with a new way to see the world, strength through experience."
"But what if I don't? Everything I thought I knew was a lie built on another lie," Mac countered.
Needing to see Mac's face, Jack moved so that he sat almost against the gravestone. While they'd been sitting together for some time, it was his first full look at him. James had done a number on the kid and seemed to still be meddling from the grave. He nudged Mac's boot with his own, so he'd look at him.
"It's not possible for you not to, dude." Jack shook his head. "You move through things that would cripple a regular person; I have all the confidence that you'll make it. You always come out the other side."
Mac sighed, clearly frustrated. "Right now, I don't even know what the other side is. With the things Gwen said, I feel like I've been on the wrong side of history."
"You're not. Codex is just trying to get in your head. You gravitate towards goodness because you are light, Mac," Jack said. If only Mac could see it.
All of Mac's fidgeting stopped and he looked into Jack's brown eyes as if searching for the truth. "How do you know that?" he asked.
Jack shrugged, "I got my M.A.C. years ago. I see you for you."
"That's a master's in accounting," Mac replied dully while rolling his eyes.
"Whatever. I stand by it. All of it." Jack made sure to keep eye contact and not look away. This was important, he needed Mac to hear him and see his truth.
"If only we could get Matty to greenlight you, I could use you on my six." Hope clear in Mac's tone. "Everybody thinks I've been compromised…fuck, I don't know maybe I am."
Jack closed his eyes as his heart cracked. The notion of Mac being compromised wasn't possible. He wanted more than anything to be back with Mac in the field. To carry the banner and Mac-splan Mac to those who didn't see him for the asset and gem he was. But, Jack wasn't fine and fit.
"Not Riley or Bozer." Jack pushed back. If he couldn't be there, Mac needed to see his allies.
"Yeah, them too." Mac's head bobbed, then he looked away.
Not chancing another misunderstanding, Jack leveled with the kid, letting his voice come off harsher. "You mishear, Riley and Bozer don't think that." Seeing Mac's eyes widen, he softened. "If I can see you're not compromised, you can bet that they see it too. They know you."
When Mac replied, his unease showed. "I guess. But with Desi and Taylor pushing and questioning everything, it's hard to hear over the shouting."
Jack leaned into their bond as he read between the lines of what was being said. He frowned as he turned the words over and over in his head. As volatile as he knew Desi could be, he had to estimate Taylor. The man was an outlier, a mystery. Him questioning Mac at all turned his stomach. It clicked.
"When has a little noise been a problem, Hoss? I thought I taught you better than that." Jack challenged, knowing he'd said the right thing when Mac's head popped up. When they made eye contact, he continued, "Use it. Then you gotta do what you do best; save the world."
Emotion welled up again in his chest as Mac got that look in his eye, the one that said, I have an idea but you're not going to like it. It had been so long since Jack had seen it. That was the Mac he knew. The gaping hole in his chest had been healed. With the kid's wheels spinning, Jack sat back and propped himself up with his arms, breathing in the moment.
They sat together for a while after that. Jack making small, nearly one-sided conversation, allowing Mac to do his thing and think of a way out of his problem. Every time the kid said 'yes' or gasped at an idea, Jack grinned wider. The important things never changed.
The ground seemed to be getting harder under his rear. Looking at his watch, Jack saw three and a half hours had passed since his arrival. No wonder my hips and back hurt, he thought.
Mac must have seen his time check. "You have to go?"
"Um," Jack didn't want to break the bridge they'd built. "No, I just might need to move around a bit. I can stay with you as long as you'd like."
The answer seemed to work for Mac, who nodded. "I'm about done with my plan. If you start walking out, I'll catch up in a minute. Gotta…" He nodded toward the marker.
With the agreement to finish up, they both moved to stand. Mac popping up easily, while Jack moved to his knee, then slowly pushed himself up to close to standing. Mac sprung into him with the fiercest hug, he'd ever initiated. Jack wrapped his arms around him, one cupping the kid's head, the other across his back.
"I missed you so much." Mac said, his words muffled in Jack's shoulder.
Jack found himself speechless in the moment, pressed a kiss into Mac's hair.
As quickly as the hug came, they parted.
"Alright," Jack agreed. "Mrs. MacGyver." He nodded. "Oversight, sir."
He left Mac to say his piece. As he reached the end of the row, Jack looked back to see Mac already walking toward him. He paused, waiting for the younger man to catch up. The conversation back to their vehicles was easy and light, as if no time had passed.
As Mac opened the truck door, Jack spoke one last time. "Whatever happens, Mac, know that you're making the right choice. I'm here if you need me."