" Severus, " A thick voice came out of the haze.
He realized he was no longer in a dark ocean but lying on a bed.
" Severus are you awake ? " the thick voice continued. " Oh my God, you, young wizard, scared us , we thought you wouldn't survive You - Know – Who, but… "
Albus paused to collect his thoughts and choose the correct wording.
" Severus, you always amaze me as to how good a young wizard can be, " Albus spoke softly to the man lying on the hospital bed .
Severus opened his thin lips to speak, but Albus indicated him to stay quiet and rest.
" No, you must not strain your body much. You have already strained it enough in the past and during the war. "
A tear fell from Albus' eyes as the last words poured out of his mouth . He cleared his throat and spoke with utter sincerity.
" Severus, now that you have killed the Dark Lord, you fulfilled your promise to be at my side during the war. " He paused. " So, now it's my turn to fulfill my promise; from now on you shall no longer owe me anything ." The last words came out of Albus' mouth without hesitation. He was serious .
"Thank you, Albus, " he weakly mumbled as a tear rolled down his cheek.
Albus leaned in to hear him more clearly .
" Not only me, but the whole wizarding community is thankful to you. I owe you a lot, my young friend," Albus replied with thankfulness clearly evident in his voice .
"What was that the Dark Lord did to me before dying ?" Severus mumbled in the same weak voice . He was tired. It was clear to him he had not completely recovered yet . He couldn't see anything clearly; his vision was blurry .
"We don't know that yet, but I have summoned many great scholars to know what that spell was, " Albus said with concern. " No one has ever seen a spell like that before , and to our astonishment, it didn't have a single effect on your health , mind or body, " he continued .
Albus let out a small sigh. It felt as if a big burden was lifted off his shoulders . " Well, you passed out on the battlefield after defeating the Dark Lord. Hagrid carried you all the way back," he continued with a little giggle trying to lighten the topic. " You've been here unconscious for four days," he related.
Severus' head felt heavy . His mobility was still restricted and his vision became even blurrier. Again the darkness surrounded him .
His eyes blinked. He felt that he was awake. His head felt less heavy, and the pain had also been reduced . He looked around. No one was sitting by his side. The room was dark and much smaller compared to the hospital wing. He turned his neck to take a look around. It was then he realized he was no longer in the hospital wing but rather was in a comfortable room . It seemed to be a personal chamber with big windows so maximum sunlight could enter. A red couch was to his right and a coffee table was placed near it next to the fireplace above which was a big bookcase . There were also many portraits of great wizards and witches .
The smell of the room was very refreshing. It smelled of old books , of smoke , fresh made tea, and a perfume he couldn't recognize . This room was unlike his own , a boring room with no portraits , no windows and there was also the continuous smell of potions . He hadn't made a separate room for a lab in his chambers. All of his equipment would lie in his living room, kitchen, and even his bedroom .
One could also call his room dull and sadistic . Of course, why wouldn't one call it that? His chambers had no life . One would rather call it a coffin than a room. It was hard to believe a person had been living there for four years .
He sighed to himself .
There was one more decision he made. He would make his chamber look lived in , not like a coffin where vampires slept . He would change his perilous life habits. Quitting drinking was the first one of those . He drank so much sometimes, that he couldn't get up in the morning, lying all day in his bed with headaches from hangovers.
These thoughts got him so occupied that he lost the track of time . It was the sound of a door opening that tugged him out of his thoughts. An elderly woman stepped in with a tray . It was Minerva .
"Oh, Severus, you woke up," she exclaimed softly in surprise.
She placed the tray on the coffee table and softly walked to the bed . " How are you feeling now, Severus ? " she asked .
"Much better, " he replied.
It no longer strained his body to look around or speak . His body felt stronger than before . While trying to sit up to have a talk with her, pain stung his shoulder. He growled . Minerva helped him with sitting up , placing a cushion behind his back to give support to him . He looked around the room to get a more clear view . Looking outside the window, he saw the moon in the sky. It was clear that it was night .
Minerva had brought food for him. Taking the plate from the tray, she placed it on the side table with a glass of pumpkin juice . He cleared his throat and asked her, " Where am I, Minerva ?"
"Oh ! You are in my chambers. I thought you wouldn't like being in the hospital ward surrounded by people bothering you by asking about the Dark Lord , so I asked Albus to shift you here instead, " she replied .
She was amazed by the fact that he was in pain and has just woke up, but then also he acquitted a great aggregate of self awareness he carried with him .
Minerva handed him the dinner plate with sausage, beacon , toast , and beans placed in it . He had his dinner in silence with Minerva on the couch near the fire place, giving him updates of all the things that had happened while he was in slumber, recuperating.
He listened in silence , but his mind was not completely there . A fragment of his mind was still ruminating about those eyes: mysterious , angelic , alluring, and soul-abducting black eyes . He felt bewitched .
"Well, Severus you seem to be in deep thought. I think I should leave you alone, " Minerva said with a chuckle , but her soft voice tugged him out of his intense thoughts.
" A House-elf is always at your service, just call out for Becky, " she continued as she approached the door .
"Oh ! It's not like that, Minerva. I just wanted to ..." he took a pause , probing for the correct words. " You know that I have an undying gratitude for you deep inside my heart ." His cavernous voice distinctly laid bare the sincerity in his statement.
"No, Severus , what I did is nothing compared to your act of bravery. The gratitude is ours " she said. " Now get some rest and recover quickly, people are desperate to see their savior, " she continued with a little chuckle .
"I am no hero, Minerva. You know that, " he replied in a tone devoid of any expression.
Minerva was about to close the door behind her, but when his words fell on her ears she suddenly froze . Only two thoughts stuck in her mind, either he was being utterly modest or he regretted something . She turned opening the door wide.
" Your level of modesty is exorbitant ,you know that, Severus?" she said with a feigned chuckle .
He looked up at her , his coal black eyes met her green orbs. He was not joking, she could read that in his eyes. Sadness was discernible on his face . She understood what thoughts his mind processed . Walking towards the bed, she sat on the chair kept adjacent to the bed. She looked straight into his coal-black eyes.
It felt to him like she was staring straight at his soul .
" Severus, " she started softly, " bad things happen with everyone, but that does not mark the end of life . And not every bad thing that happened to you was because of your mistakes . For Merlin's sake, stop blaming yourself for every bad thing, " she continued in a solicitous tone .
" But nothing has happened in my life that I could say was good, " he interjected.
Minerva was horrified by his revelation, but she couldn't deny it, he was correct after all . Nothing good had happened to her former student - now - colleague . An ignored childhood , a bullied teenager , a dark start of his adult life… how could she expect a metamorphosed man, especially after these pathetic past 8 months? He was just a young man, after all . A young man of 21 . Still, she shot him with an opprobrium glance . She couldn't let her emotions overcome her . In the grimmest of times, someone needed to stay strong, and she couldn't expect that from Severus , at least not right now .
She let out a little sigh . Standing up from the chair to leave, she spoke.
" You are not wrong, Severus , but things change with time, and you are young and have a whole life in front of you , so just don't waste it mourning over Lily like you wasted the last four years of your life ."
She didn't glance at him this time. She was afraid he would get enraged at the mention of Lily . Quickly, she walked out the door, shutting it behind her .
Dumbfounded . Severus found himself dumbfounded after hearing what Minerva had said . She was right . He did mourn over a woman who never understood his feelings for her. To her, he was only someone who helped her with her studies and nothing else . When had she ever come to talk to him , or ask what was going on in his life ?
He placed his head softly on the pillow and faced the celling .
He had always made his decisions quickly , and mostly they had been all right except for those decisions he'd made while lamenting over Lily .
But one cannot always be correct , he acknowledged the fact to himself .
He lost track of time, he was so deep in thought about all of that.
The creaking sound of a door opening tugged him out of his thoughts yet again . A small creature appeared from behind the door . It was a House - elf .
" Hello, Master Snape, " the creature said in a timidly sweet tone. " Betty thought Master would be in need of something, so Betty came to have a look, " she continued with her thin voice, which was unconventionally soothing.
"Well, I am fine, Betty, thanks for the concern, " he replied .
His tone and words astonished him . He had never spoken so politely to anyone else ever before . The war had surely changed him. He'd gone against his master and joined the people who he was supposed to hate. But the thing that had pompous him the most was the trust--the trust these people showed in him and when he aphorism all of them standing with him, somewhere his heart melted .
He would have considered himself dead if had resisted that, too . ' Perhaps it requires depths of oppression to create such heights of character, ' he recalled the saying of a Muggle revolutionary. Perhaps that Muggle was right .
"Betty should leave Master. Master needs rest. Master can call Betty anytime he wants, " the House - elf said while approaching the door, bowing low.
"Can you do me a favor, Betty ? " he asked the House - elf ." Actually, two " he said with a smirk on his lips .
"Anything for Master, " the House - elf replied timidly.
" Call me Severus, because I am not your master, and please answer my one question, " he said softly
Flabbergasted by his assertion the House - elf was left open mouthed . Although Betty was the most healthiest House - elf he had ever seen but It was never asked by a master to call them by their name. Severus could clearly comprehend that by the expression that was on the House-elf's face .
" Master, that is ... disrespectful. Master is a great man. Calling Master by his name is disrespectful, " the little figure mumbled more to itself .
" But I didn't do anything great, " Severus said calmly.
" No, Master is a brave man. Master killed The - One - Who - Shall - Not - Be – Named. " Horror crept up into the creature's voice when The Dark Lord's name poured out of it's lips .
Severus let out a little sigh. He acknowledged the fact that it was futile arguing with the elf as to whether he was a hero or not .
"Can you answer me one question?" he said arduously, changing the topic .
" Of course, Master, " the timid reply came, but it's voice showed fear of another intricate favor like that.
" Can we control our life and live it the way we want ? " he asked after a great deal of searching for his words .
"With all due respect, Master, Betty would say life is uncontrollable. The more Master will try to control, it the more it will slip out of Master's hand. Master, sometimes it is good to do what life wants and not questioning it . It makes living easier, Master ."
The little House - elf had chosen it's words with utter sincerity. that laid bare in his divulgence. For a moment, Severus was speechless. Unequivocally, the House - elf was correct . Surely, life was uncontrollable . What was there that he was able to sway ? He hadn't been able to stop his father from beating him , neither had he been able to save his dying mother . The Marauders had bullied him, and he was always defenseless . Had he been able to get himself out of the Death Eater muck he had gotten himself into? No . Then why he did he want to control things out of his league? he argued to himself .
This train of thought didn't feel weird to him. It was time to converse with himself and make choices, but with the hope of no future sorrows .
On Seeing his master quite busy with his own thoughts, little Betty decided to leave his master alone . As it was about to shut the door, a deep , alluring voice fell on his ears. " Thanks, Betty. "
It was the voice of his master, who had glanced at Betty and gave him a weak but warm smile .
" Anything for master, " the timid reply fell from his mouth as the door shut behind its back .
Again, he was alone, but somewhere deep inside of him he didn't fear what would come next , which he had always done before facing the Dark Lord. Instead he would abide it with open arms . The abysmal thoughts tired him, and he drifted into a profound slumber in no time, remaining in the exact position he had been sitting--leaning on the pillow behind him . He hadn't recovered fully yet .