Rated M for mature content. you have been warned..

"Mer," Cristina called as she hurried toward her friend just as she was walking out of the cafeteria.

"You already ate?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah with Lexie and Alex," Mer nodded.

"Well have you heard about the new attending?" Cristina followed Mer as they walked to the elevator.

"No, what do you know?" Meredith was now curious. There hasn't been any recent deaths or people being fired.

"Nelson is retiring. Word is they are getting this big replacement, suppose to give Shepherd a run for his money," Cristina grinned. She did like Derek but she knew Meredith. Mer was dark and twisty, saw everything in gray. Derek was the opposite.

"Wow, where is he from?" Meredith said, eyebrows raised.

"I don't know. I could ask Preston but i doubt he would know. Since Bailey became cheif, Preston doesn't know much anymore," Cristina stated .

"How are you two anyway?" She ask, knowing the answer.

"Things are ok. He keeps bringing up kids. When we got married, we both agreed that our careers come first," she said. Cristina didn't do children, she loved Meredith's kids but from a distance. As they have gotten older, she spends more time with them but she never wanted kids.

"Well you both have careers that are flourished. Things change. Needs change for men. I am not saying you go get yourself pregnant and become a housewife but you need to have a real conversation with him," Meredith said, the look on Cristina's face could have been confused for a look of disgust.

"Yeah I am aware but I haven't even won my Harper Avery yet. Anyway how are things with Shepherd?" Cristina said in a low voice as they walked toward the nurses station.

"Good. He is great with the kids, CJ adores him and Scar loves being able to have her best friend come over a lot," Meredith nodded.

"Have you two, ya know?" Cristina didn't want to be insensitive and come right out.

"No, taking things slow. I don't think I am ready for that step yet," she shook her head. They had been close to but he always asked if she was ready. He knew to take things slow. She really was setting the pace for everything.

"That's good. He is a good guy I guess. Don't you dare tell him I said that," Cristina said and Meredith laughed.

"I won't. What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year?" Meredith asked. Usually she and Charlie would go to his family but she didn't want to do that this year.

"Probably ordering take-out. No use in making a big meal for just us."

"Let's have Thanksgiving together this year. Maybe invite Lexie, Mark, and Alex," Meredith suggested.

"I hope you ask Lexie to cook," Cristina joked.

"Shut up. I can cook," Mer rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, if it comes out of a box. Burke can cook a good turkey," Cristina said.

"It's settled," she smiled.

"You inviting Derek?" Cristina asked.

"Inviting me to what?" Derek came out of nowhere.

"Thanksgiving at my house. Just a few friends will come over," she shrugged.

"As long as you aren't cooking, I am in," he chuckled and she shook her head.

"I will tell Alex," Cristina raised her brow as she left the two alone.

"I thought you had a family?" Meredith questioned him.

"I do. I visit on Christmas. You can come if you want," he raised his brows. She shook her head vigorously.

"For one, I don't do big family gatherings. Slow. We are going slow," she muttered as she looked into his eyes. He slowly backed her into the on-call room behind her and closed the door behind them. He took her face into his hands and kissed her deeply.

"I missed you," he whispered. Her breath hitched in her chest, this was different. They hadn't had time to themselves in three weeks due to schedule conflicts. She did miss it. His lips. She had grown fond of their quick sneaky kisses in the hallways and on-call rooms.

"More than you know," she replied and pressed her lips to his again. His tongue slowly found itself against hers as they danced to imaginary music. Their kiss was interupted, as always. Both pagers beeped loudly as they pulled apart.

"ER?" She asked as she fixed her hair quickly and he nodded. They slipped out and down to the emergency room. They were met by Owen, shaking his head.

"DOA, sorry for the page," he said and walked away.

"Dinner tonight?" He asked and she nodded.

"My place at 6," Meredith replied and walked over to the nurses station.

"Didn't her husband die like nine months ago?" One of the interns stated, obviously unaware of Meredith standing behind them.

"Yeah, heard it was a heart attack. Right in the OR. Kind of soon to be sleeping around if you ask me, especially with his replacement," the other intern scoffsd as she turned and her face went ghostly.

"I uh-"

"Enough. Go find your resident and I don't want to see your face again," Meredith spat angerly. She was holding back tears. She didn't think about it much, how long it had been. She had began to move on, the hurt rose in her body as she realized she had forgotten what it was like to feel his skin against her own. Their love was that of storybooks but she couldn't even remember what it was like to be held by him. She hurt, her body craved the touch of a man that was not her husband. She let a tear escape before quickly wiping it away.

"Mer?" Derek whispered as he brushed against her. His hand ran across her shoulder for comfort but she shrugged it away.

"Please just leave me alone," she breathed before walking away. She was doing what she did best. Pushing away. Throwing her feelings into a little box and hiding away. She knew he was following her. She felt his presence as she turned each corner to find herself in her office.

"Meredith, what happened?" He asked as he shut the door behind him. He had patients, but he couldn't shake the feeling that she needed him.

"I miss Charlie. I am falling in love with another man. It feels so wrong, but it doesn't..."

"Huh?"

"Stupid interns," she shook her head.

"Please let me in," he begged, moving closer to her.

"I can't," her eyes shifted, hiding the tears that fell. He took her face into his hands, guiding as his eyes met hers.

"Please," he mumbled, his forehead slowly rested against hers. She collapsed intl his arms, hers resting around his waist as she squeezed tightly.

"I feel guilty. I hate it. I don't want to feel this way. I want to love you. I want to wake up in your arms. I want everything with you. I hate myself for it. I never realized how hard it could be to let go of the love I once had. I have never felt like this in my entire life. I loved Charles more than words ciuld ever explain but you are different. I want more. I want you. I want this to work, I don't know how to make this work without hating myself for it," she rambled on, "and I want to give you my all. Everything. I don't know how to let go of my past love. I do not know if I could ever give you everything. I am afraid to fall again because I will lose myself in you."

He didn't have words. His actions spoke thousands as he slowly kissed her. His lips gently leading their kiss. His hand slowly brushed against her hair, removing it from her face as his other hand caressed her cheek. It was gentle, loving. He wanted to show her the love he felt for her. How much she meant to her. He wanted to convince her of the love he felt and how he qould never hurt her.

"I love you. I want to show you. I want you to feel secure in loving me. You don't have to lose your love for Charles because he will always be a piece of your heart. You had two beautiful children together. He will always be a part of you, one that I accept. It scares me, how much I love you. I never doubted my love for Rose until I met you but I also realize she gave me Zoe. She will always be apart of me but she is my past. You are my future," he said as he pulled away from her. She looked into his eyes, tears welled as she realize this was it. This was what he entire life was missing. She wanted him, in every way, to be hers.

"I love you," she whispered before she guided her lips to meet his. She wanted it, she wanted him more than she had ever wanted anything. She reached for his collar and slowly unbuttoned each button as their lips danced a slow dance.

"I want this to be special," he tried to pull away, knowing where she was going with this.

"I want you, in every way. I want to feel your body against mine. I am going to give myself to you Derek Shepherd," she said and pushed his shirt off his body. The light shinned from the windows in her office and lit ul his bare chest. She took a deep breath, taking in what she was doing as she looked into his eyes. They shinned a dark blue, his breath hitched when she ran her hand down his bare chest, feeling every single part of his body. Her eyes met his once more, a smile spread across her lips which was returned by him.

He took the lead, kissing her again. His tongue danced across her lips and on to hers. His left a trail of kisses down her cheek, leaving a tingle against her skin at every place his lips touched. They landed on her neck, she moved her head to give more access. A moan escaped her lips as he hit a spot in her neck that sent a shiver down her spine. His hand slipped under her shirt, running up her stomach and to her breast. He squeezed gently as his lips pressed against her neck and returned to her lips to dance more.

Things began to move quickly as he took the hem of her shirt and quickly pulled it over her head to reveal her chest. His whole body shook when she quickly removed her bra. He pulled her tight against him, feeling her bare chest against his. Their lips kissed more as he walked backward to the sofa and pulled her down on top of him. He imagined what this feeling would be like for months. Her body against his, it was like magic. She was giving herself to him. He dreamed of this day, he didn't think it would happen the first time in her office. He felt like a virgin all over again when he saw her fully nude body. He couldn't contain himself anymore. She moaned deeply when he finally was able to bury himself into her. It was an amazing feeling, her body was a wonderland. Her touch felt like fireworks, he had not felt this with anyone in his entire life.

"Wow," she exclaimed, laying against his body.

"I love you," he replied, a smile spread across her face as he pecked her lips

"I didn't imagine it would feel like that," she breathed.

"I don't want to move," he admitted.

"Me either. I love this. Your body, my body," she smiled widely. A sigh of relief for Derek, he really thought she would regret this.

"I am glad. I really enjoyed that," he admitted.

"Wanna go again?" She joked and he just laughed.

"I wish. I have patients now but I am excited for dinner tonight," he admitted. He sat up and grabbed his underwear.

"Me too. I had a consult at 2," she giggled as she sat ul and found her own clothing.

"I feel like a teenager," he joked as he tried to fix his sex hair.

"I wish you could stay over tonight," she said.

"Me too. The girls would get too suspicious and I don't think we should tell them yet," he admitted.

"Agreed," she nodded with a smile. He smiled and kissed her quickly.

"See you tonight," he winked as he slipped out of her office. She let go of the breath she didn't know she was holding and smiled. She didn't know it would feel that amazing. He changed her and she couldn't be happier.