hey guys, quick little chat. i absolutely love the feedback i am getting and happy to see some returning faces. Im glad there are still Merder stan's out there and i hope you are enjoying these long chapters as much as i am enjoying writing them. again thank you for all the love and support you haeb given me. it means the world.
Meredith rummaged through her closet, she was looking for her maternity scrubs. She didn't remember needing them as fast with her other pregnancies but this baby was getting so big, especially for just getting out of her first trimester. She groaned loudly as she couldn't find the bag of maternity clothes anywhere.
"We are going to be late Mer," Derek said as he peaked his head in the closet.
"I know! My clothes don't fit, my boobs have grown two whole sizes and I am only fourteen weeks," she huffed from the ground.
"We can get some later, you are just going to have to wear what you have. The kids are going to be late," he said before disappearing. She huffed, grabbing a shirt and jeans. She had to use a hair tie to button her jeans. She had to sit down, she was quickly out of breath now. This pregnancy was kicking her ass. She stood up, looking in the mirror. Her belly shining prominently through her clothes. She couldn't hide the bump anymore, this baby wanted to be shown. She threw her hair up and quickly hurried downstairs.
"Wow," Derek said, looking at her. It was like she grew overnight, he hadn't noticed how big she had gotten.
"Hush. Now let's go," she grabbed a coat, throwing it around her shoulders. It helped cover the bump from the side but you could still definitely see she was pregnant.
"Mom, you are huge!" Scarlett said. Meredith quickly threw a glare at her daughter.
"Scarlett, you never tell a woman she's fat," Derek said something before Meredith could.
"I'm fat now!" Meredith irked.
"Not what I meant," he was quick to reply.
"No mom, your belly is big. Is the baby going to come out soon?" Scarlett asked.
"Not until July," Meredith sighed, not sure if she could make it that long. She felt like a whale already, she could feel herself start to waddle.
"Today is Lexie's release day," Derek said, changing the subject.
"I know. She is going insane in the hospital room. She's ready, I know it's killing her not to walk but at least she's alive," Meredith sighed. They rounded the kids up into the car, they were ready for summer time.
"Any interesting surgeries today?" Derek asked, hoping to make Meredith feel better.
"The usual. When I chose general I did it because it was easy, like a second nature. I hate to admit but it's became boring," she stated honestly. It was the easiest specialty for her to raise her kids with, she was settling.
"Have you thought about any kind of research?" He asked, knowing how passionate about medicine she was.
"I mean, I was reading this diabetes treatment my mother was working on before she got sick. I thought about continuing research but it was kind of confusing the method she was using. I know medicine has changed a lot since she first started that so I might take a look at it again," Meredith contemplated. She wanted something different in her work, it was something she had thought about before Charles died but after he did, it was like she had to shift her whole life.
"You should," he smiled over at her.
"I just don't know. With the kids and the baby on the way, I don't want to put everything on you," she said honestly to him. Scarlet and CJ were her kids, they weren't his responsibility.
"Meredith, it will be fine. I can handle it. We are a partnership and I want you to follow your dreams and be happy," he grabbed her hand and squeezed confidently. She looked at him, tears coming to her eyes. She couldn't believe how supportive he was of her career. She could remember the words of her mother.
Don't ever let a man make you chose between your career and him. You can be extraordinary Meredith.
Those words were ringing true, he wasn't going to force her to change and it was something she never thought she would change. Charles never out right asked her to chose but he didn't make it easy. Him bing the man he was and how amazing he was in his neuro, it was often putting a strain on the two of them.
"I've had my research, I've made medical history. It's your turn," he pulled her hand to his lips, placing a kiss against the back of her hand.
"Thank you," she smiled at him. They dropped the girls off and made it to the hospital. Meredith took CJ to the daycare and dropped him off before going to start her rounds. She changed into her scrubs, they had grown so tight on her she couldn't barely breathe. She looked at herself in the mirror in her office and shook her head. She couldn't go much longer with hiding this baby. She pulled her white coat on and did her best to keep the bump hidden behind the sides of the coat. She shook her head, she grabbed the tablet and started on her patients.
"Good morning Mrs. Wilson," she smiled at the older lady in the hospital bed as she walked into the last patient room she had to round on.
"Oh Dr. Grey, I am so ready to get out of this hospital," she sighed. She was diagnosed with stage three Pancreatic cancer. She was scheduled to have a whipple done today. Meredith hoped she would be able to remove the majority of the cancer and they would finish with chemotherapy and radiation.
"I know. I am going to have Dr. Wilson come prep you for surgery and hopefully get you out of here soon," she smiled at the white haired woman, she reminded her so much of one of her nanny's as a child.
"Thank you," she smiled at Meredith. Meredith explained the procedure again to her before going to the nurses station. She had Jo paged to get her preped for surgery. She had enough time to go by and see Lexie before she was discharged.
"Meredith! Tell Bailey to hurry up and get me out of this hospital. I have realized how awful our food is and I can't stand it anymore," Lexie sighed as she saw Meredith come inside her room.
"Lex, I can't do anything about that," Meredith rolled her eyes at her sister. She had regained her strength for the most part and happily sat down on the chair next to her.
"Wow Mer, you're huge," Lexie's eyes widened as the coat fell from her belly and the baby bump showed proudly.
"Yeah yeah, don't remind me. I've been called fat by two people already," Meredith rolled her eyes.
"Little bean likes to stay hidden," Lexie smiled as she rubbed her almost flat stomach. She was ten weeks, the baby was growing perfectly. It was a miracle that she was still pregnant. They all thought she would lose the baby, even Lexie thought she had lost it when she was finally coming out of her coma.
"You remember with Scarlett, you couldn't even tell I was pregnant until I was almost eight months," Meredith reminisced the time when she was scared Scarlett was going to be so tiny and she was a healthy eight pounds.
"It's just because this is your fourth pregnancy. They say every one you get bigger," Lexie mentioned. Meredith winced a bit, shaking it off before she noticed. No one every brought up her miscarriage. It was between Scarlett and CJ. She was thirteen weeks when she lost that baby, she was convinced it was a girl.
"I know, I have to get going. I got a whipple in thirty minutes. I'll come by your house tomorrow," Meredith smiled at her sister. She wanted to stay five more minutes but she knew she couldn't. It almost broke her when she almost lost her, she would give anything just to stay as long as she could by her side.
"Today if you want. I miss those little monsters," Lexie laughed a bit.
"Ok. I'll make dinner," Meredith winked and they both laughed.
"Absolutely not. Derek can cook," Lexie replied.
"I love you Lex, I feel like I don't say it enough," Meredith had a tear in her eyes as she spoke the words.
"I love you too Meredith," Lexie choked. She wanted to cry, it was very emotional for the pair. Meredith never knew she had a sister until eight years ago but she wouldn't change it if she wanted. She wiped the tear that fell and hurried off to the OR. She watched as the anesthesiologist talked to Mrs. Wilson while she was scrubbing in. The woman looked terrified. Meredith would be too, until a few months ago she was a healthy middle-aged teacher and today she was fighting for her life.
"Alright Mrs. Wilson, you ready to get this show on the road?" Meredith asked as she walked in and the nurse began to gown her.
"As ready as I can be," the woman smiled weakly at her.
"You'll do just fine, I'll see you when you wake up," Meredith winked at her and nodded to the anesthesiologist who began putting her under. They waited a moment to ensure she was completely under before Meredith began. It was a routine whipple, she was speaking to Jo about the procedure as she was doing everything.
"What'a that?" Jo interrupted Meredith, pointing to a mass sitting on her liver.
"Damn it," Meredith shook her head. It had began to spread.
"Can you guys pull up her latest scans?" Meredith asked as one of the nurses began showing Meredith as she was at a pause.
"How did we miss this? This thing is massive," Meredith was shook, she didn't realize how advanced it had become.
"What are we going to do?" Jo asked.
"We are going to get what we can, shit this is attached to the main vein," Meredith cursed under her breath. This was worse than she could imagine. It was in an instant when the monitors began beeping like crazy as Meredith began to cut away at the head of her pancreas.
"More suction," Meredith snapped as she was doing the best she could to find out what was was causing the issue.
"Dr. Grey, she's becoming tachycardic," the anesthesiologist mentioned, noticing her heart rate was now 110bpm.
"I see that, I'm trying to find out, here," she was quick to throw a stitch in where she noticed the bleeder. The monitor returned to a normal rhythm and they all breathed a bit better.
"You are gonna die on me today Linda," Meredith said. She continued through the surgery, suddenly the monitors began to rapidly beep again.
"What is going on?" Meredith quickly searched her abdomen, not understanding what was the cause. She worked tirelessly and quickly as the monitors continued to blare.
"She's bleeding out," Jo said.
"More suction," Meredith ignored Jo. She was determined. As the minutes passed, it was like seconds.
"I don't see anything," Meredith continued to search, rechecking every single thing she could. A long solid beep come from the monitors.
"She's asystolic, Grey ," the anesthesiologist said.
"Hang two units of blood, someone get me the paddles," Meredith moved quickly, she placed the pads on her chest and quickly charged the paddles.
"Clear," she yelled. The monitor continued to make the dreaded long beep.
"Charge again," Meredith snapped. This wasn't suppose to happen. It was standard procedure. She continued to shock her three times. Nothing. The monitor continued to beep loudly like a siren.
"Meredith, it's too late," Jo said to her.
"Charge one more time, damn it Linda," Meredith took a deep breath before the shock. Nothing. She shook her head, watching the monitor.
"Time of death, 11:57 am," Meredith sighed, she threw the paddles to the cart and removed her gloves. She was shocked. It was an unexpected complication and she was unsure what went wrong. She hated the next part. Telling the family. She dragged herself to the family waiting room, she couldn't manage to pick up her feet. She saw her husband and her daughter sitting in the corner. Her heart ached, her only daughter was pregnant with her first child. It was a girl, Linda just talked on and on about her being excited to finally become a grandma.
"Mr. Wilson," Meredith spoke up. She didn't know how she was going to do it. This hit in a way she never had, she cared about each one of her patients but there was something different about Linda.
"How is she?" He asked, worry was covered all over his face.
"During surgery, there was a complication which lead to lots of blood loss. I did everything I could but unfortunately she didn't make it. I'm so sorry for your loss," she didn't know how she was keeping it together as she watched the man turn into a mess. Her daughter began sobbing hysterically as she shook her head.
"Would you two like to see her and say your goodbyes?" She asked.
"Yes please," her daughter spoke for her and her father. The devastation showed all over his face and she lead them to the morgue where they had a sheet covering everything but her face. Meredith stood back as she watched the scene unfold. She couldn't help but cry as well, she replayed the surgery in her head, trying to understand what exactly went wrong. She let them take as long as they wanted to say their goodbye and she walked them to the waiting room again. She went over what was next and apologized and explained she tried everything in her power to save her life. She left them, heartbroken. She went to the nurses station and began to fill out the chart for Mrs. Wilson.
"Hey," Derek smiled as he leaned next to her against the nurses station.
"Hey," she sighed back at him, refusing to look up at him. She knew if he saw her face, he would know something is wrong.
"You about ready for lunch?" He asked her.
"Mhm, just let me finish this," she nodded, continuing to type in the notes from the procedure. She glanced around, she had taken her white coat off and it was clear the nurses and other staff were staring at her. She took a deep breath, it wasn't the time.
"I'll meet you in the cafeteria," he smiled and resisted the urge to touch her. It was hard, being around her just made him crazy not able to show his love for her.
"Ok," she replied, she keep noticing the eyes starring daggers at her. She noticed two nurses standing a bit away whispering to each other.
"Can I help you?" She shot a glare in their direction. The both shook their head and turned away. She couldn't take it anymore. She saw Derek out the corner of her eye, stopping in his tracks.
"I know you all are wondering," she announced, now gaining the attention of the other staff members.
"Yes, I am pregnant. Yes Derek is the father. Any more questions," she slammed her hand against the nurses station. She was done with the stares and the assumptions she knew they all had.
"Mer," he said walking back over to her.
"I'm sorry. I can't do that staring and the whispering anymore. It's like we are working in a high school. Yes my husband died almost a year ago and I've moved on. It's time for everyone to just move on with their lives and stop worrying about mine," she spat angered, she rushed off to find Amelia. She knew she couldn't go to Cristina, the two had grown apart and in completely different paths in their life.
"Amelia, I just did something and I completely regret it," Meredith gulped as she saw her standing in the cafeteria line.
"Did you cheat on Derek?" Amelia asked curiously.
"No, of course not. I kind of blew up and spilled to every single staff member at the surgical floor that I was pregnant with Derek's baby," Meredith gulped. Amelia burst into laughter, she shook her head looking at her.
"You're kidding," Amelia said.
"I wish I was. God I can't go back there," Meredith shook her head, running her hand through her hair.
"You kind of work there Meredith, it'll be fine. By next week they will find something else to gossip about," Amelia assured her.
"What? This is the biggest thing since Charles death and they still can't stop talking about that," Meredith rolled her eyes.
"When Lexie gets back, you know they will start talking about here and it's not a big deal Mer."
"You aren't helping. I can't believe I did that. God I'm an idiot," Meredith hurried her face into her hands.
"They would have found out eventually. At least the speculations will stop," Amelia shrugged.
"I know. It's just so soon after Charlie, everyone probably thinks I didn't love him but that wasn't true. I wasn't going to let your brother go just because I was grieving. He was here for me and he barely knew me. God he is going to hate me now," she stammered on.
"Derek could never hate you. Who cares what they think? If you love him then it shouldn't matter. Screw them," Amelia interrupted her rant.
"He was standing right there. I just walked off without letting him talk. I need to find him," Meredith quickly got up and rushed to find him. She had to explain and let him explain. She called his phone a few times and he answered.
"Where are you?" She asked.
"In my office," he replied. He didn't sound angry. She was thankful.
"Wait for me," she said as she hurried to the elevator, quickly pressing the button to his floor. A hand stopped the doors from closing and Bailey appeared.
"Meredith Grey. What is this I hear about you yelling at the nurses about your pregnancy?" Miranda said in a stern tone.
"I'm sorry Bailey. I know it was inappropriate and I apologize. I just couldn't stand the stares," Meredith said.
"That was highly unprofessional. I know you are under a lot of stress but Meredith that was uncalled for," Bailey replied.
"I said I'm sorry. But you should be talking to those gossip queens you have as nurses."
"What do you expect? Everyone knew Meredith, you are growing quickly. But that should not have been said the way it was," Bailey scolded.
"I will apologize to the chatty nurses, now I need to go find Derek," Meredith said as the elevator dinged as they arrived at the floor and she bolted out the elevator before Bailey could finish scolding her. She sprinted to Derek's office, she opened the door as she was trying to catch her breath.
"I'm sorry," she blurted out to him.
"For?" He questioned. He seemed generally confused.
"Earlier. When I just blurted our business for everyone to hear," she huffed, realizing pregnant women should not run.
"Ok, I am not angry Meredith. I'm almost glad cause now I can do this," he stood from his chair and came around his desk. He grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes.
"And this," he leaned down and placed a longing kiss on her lips. She felt his hand drift from hers to her face, caressing her cheek.
"Anytime I want without caring what everyone thinks," he whispered against her lips. She crashed hers back into his. Her hands wrapped around his neck as she held his lips to hers. She felt his tongue brush softly against hers and she felt a sense of peace as they kissed. It was long, their tongues danced with each other as he pulled her waist tightly against hers. She felt his bulge between his legs grow instantly as he squeezed her ass.
"I'd love to continue this," she breathed as she pulled away, "but baby is starving."
He laughed, nodding his head to hers.
"Let's go feed our growing monster," he smiled, grazing his hand across her belly. She laughed, grabbing his hand as they left his office. She walked happily and proud to hold his hand. She didn't care that everyone was staring at the pair. She was loving the man she was utterly and deeply in love with and she didn't care who had anything to say.