Trigger warning for this one for non con/rape. Not happening now. Gabriel talks a little about what happened to him and Paul says what happened to the girl from last chapter.
Also, not a crossover with the MCU. I do think the MCU would strengthen the Norse pantheon gods still around. Loki of which is one of them.
Loki, Loki, Loki, Loki
WTF?!
Okay, Jamie, just a little bit of advice here.
Stop praying to Loki, please. He is back, so I am now not him any longer and so should NOT be getting your masturbatory thoughts. Please stop.
Thanks!
Not Loki
Gabriel,
Please let my college application be accepted. I need to get out of the house.
Holly,
I'm sure you did fine. You're smart and will be successful if you put your mind to it. Don't lose hope.
Gabriel.
Gabriel,
I've had to lock Lucifer back up in the chains in the dungeon. He was trying to get a bit handsy with me. And no thank you to that! I hope you hear this. Can't say I've actually truly prayed to an angel before, let alone an Arch.
Oh, hello Rowena!
Okay. Pretty sure if he's in the right mood, Lucifer will actually be enjoying that, so be careful if he's trying to get handsy.
I wouldn't trust him using any part of his body on a human woman as far as I can throw him. And he's just a bit bigger and stronger than I am. So good luck with that.
Any word from the boys? Just answer this text.
Oh, hello. Hah, I now have your number saved.
You didn't save it beforehand? I am hurt to my very core.
And that's my job done.
Hah! So, boys?
Nothing yet. A simple rescue mission of two has been turned into a full on evacuation of the nearby human population by the refugees that sometimes come through.
The bunker has actually got quite a few others here now.
Hence putting Lucifer away. I'm keeping the portal open by spells and one of those nifty Grace extractors the boys have.
Nope, no further than that, thanks. I'll have nightmares for weeks...
Bad experience?
The Winchesters didn't tell you? Well, yeah, bad and extended.
Aww, poor dear. Well, I'll leave you to your nightmares then.
Gee thanks.
Bye.
Uuuugh, now I can't get non con Grace extraction out of my head.
What?
Rowena locked Lucifer up. Apparently he was upstairs with Rowena and had his Grace on tap up there by slitting his throat for direct access.
Now there are more people to murder around, so she put him back up in the chains in the dungeon and is taking his Grace through an extractor.
Bad, bad memories.
Non con?
Non consensual.
Ah. I think you mentioned that before. I know you were low on Grace and have been building it back up.
Eh, maybe.
Want to talk about it?
I don't know...
I didn't really expect that.
Why wouldn't you expect to think on a traumatic event?
Huh? Oh, no, I meant Rowena actually praying to me. That was just the added nightmare on top of it.
I take it she's not the praying type?
Uh, Paul, she is a card carrying evil witch. No.
Well, not so much evil anymore. Just very witchy.
She is atoning?
Eh, I would say more she is trying to be better, as opposed to just going off the handles completely. Apparently it only happened after Lucifer fried her to death, so who knows?
Wait, she was killed and yet lives?
Did I mention she's a witch at any point?
Witches can't die?!
Oh, they can die. They can also cheat death with spells.
That and she's been told who will kill her dead dead. Oddly, it relieved her.
I believe that Lucifer has killed her twice now. He's probably wondering why she's still alive and kicking his ass.
Witch is how.
Okay, I will have to remember that in case I come across any witches.
Hah, you'd be amazed, really. Not all are bad, especially the natural witches. It's the demon deal ones that are evil.
I don't know what kind Rowena is.
So there are two types of witch?
Three, kind of. There's the natural, there's the demon deal and there's the ones taught by a natural. I think.
It's been a while.
Most these days are natural or demon deals.
So, enough about that. How are things going on your end?
Parents of Heather brought her in for a session earlier today.
She the girl Robert got to the other day?
Yes. I asked her outright what he did and she told me.
That's good. Things like that can really fuck a person up.
And now I have non con grace extraction in my head again.
It's so damn unfair. I'm an archangel. Shit like this isn't supposed to happen to us and now it's happening to Luci and why do I feel bad about that?
Because he's your brother and you love him?
Well, yeah. He raised me, you know?
That would explain the whole stint as a pagan god.
Hah, not really. That was running away from home.
And speaking of, I really need to go find Loki and have him explain to me exactly why he is routing naughty prayers to him my way.
...Naughty prayers? Really?
Yeah. You have any idea why he'd be sent those? Because he is sending them to me. And it's annoying. And weird.
Blame the MCU.
MCU?
Marvel Cinematic Universe. Thor is part of their franchise.
Huh, I thought Thor was dead...
Conic book version of Thor from Marvel. The movies are different from them, obviously. Loki is featured heavily.
Oh no.
Damn it. Why did I go Trickster?
Poetic justice.
Oh yeah, that.
Well, now I am worried that if I kill him I will get all prayers to him come to me, as I was kind of him for a long while. As if I don't have my own prayers to sift through, you know?
That is a problem I don't know much about. I tend to do the praying not get prayers sent to me.
Hah, true. I think I momentarily forgot you were human. Whoops!
I don't know if you meant that as a compliment or not.
Nah, but not an insult either. Just my mind deciding to forget things for a very short time.
It's the talk of Loki. Used to doing that with other pagans.
Ah, that would be why then. Are you feeling better?
Not really.
How about you? It's been three days.
I feel a little better knowing what actually happened instead of letting my imagination make things up for me.
Hmm.
It was still a sexual assault, but he never had time to do the things he really wanted.
He hurried and made mistakes? You could use that.
Not mistakes really. More, he never had time to actually do anything involving actually touching her.
I think he knew that I would notice something if that happened and her disappearing and then saying she felt sick sounded convincing, because it would have sounded like she had gone to the restroom.
Makes sense. Poor kid must have been so confused and sickened by whatever it was he did do.
Yes, she was quite shaken. Her parents had given her the scream if someone tries to touch your private parts conversation. Everyone would have heard her. But he didn't touch her.
Let me guess, parents never said anything about an adult touching their own private parts in front of a kid?
Yes.
Ugh, everything is a mess today.
And now I have even more unpleasant memories in my head involving non con. And not the kind involving Grace extraction.
I need to go have a bath or a shower or something. Fuck.
It feels like he's all over me right now. Seriously, I can feel it on me right now.
Sorry, I should have known this wasn't a conversation to have with you right now. You were already triggered off by the witch. I didn't help.
Gabriel?
Did you actually put the phone down to have a shower?
Shit, no. Sorry. I'm here.
Just had to go wash my face. I feel a bit calmer from the cool water.
Sometimes a sensation like something cool or wet or heated can ground you.
Yeah. Water works pretty well for me I think. At least I didn't get stuck in the memory. It was more a sensation of past events than a replay.
Does that make sense?
I understand what you're saying.
Flashbacks aren't always visual in the way they happen. It can be any sense.
He sewed my lips shut.
Yes.
Sometimes he got frustrated that he did it.
What would he do then?
He would tell me he wanted to use my mouth as an extra hole to stick his cock in. But he couldn't do that.
He could have taken the stitches out and put them back in afterwards. It probably would have hurt more.
I was very used to physical pain by that point.
Ah, not as fun for him?
I don't know? I guess...
He'd jerk himself off over my face. Around my mouth mainly. Some of it got in through the stitches. He tasted so gross.
Sometimes, when he hadn't used me in a while and was especially pissed with something happening around him, he would aim for my eyes instead.
Ow, by the way.
That does sound painful.
I preferred that to getting the taste of him in my mouth. Especially when he didn't give me anything to eat or drink. Not that much would have fit through the stitches on the eating front.
I can't open my mouth...
The stitches aren't in anymore. You'll open your mouth again when you calm down a bit.
I can taste him in my mouth just typing this.
I think I'm going to be sick, but I can't!
Gabriel, the stitches aren't in now. Someone took them out for you.
Sam. It was Sam.
BRB
Rinse your mouth out with water. It will help with the taste if you are sick.
I'll wait.
...
...
Okay, back. And regretting eating those pancakes for breakfast.
Rinsing my mouth out with water helped, thanks.
How are you feeling now?
Shaky. Breakable.
Like it's real.
It happened and I wanted to forget, but I can't.
I thought if I could just help these kids it would erase the problems I am having. I think I ended up putting what happened to me onto them instead and tried to stay away to make it not hurt.
And I stopped making sense again!
No, you're making sense. It's a defence mechanism to help deal with negative or traumatic memories and emotions.
This shit is normal?!
Yes.
What do I do?!
You're doing it right now. You stopped projecting onto others, clamed your memories and emotions as your own and you're talking it through with me.
Healing from something like this takes a very long time. Lifelong for us humans.
You're a survivor of a very traumatic time.
How you deal with it is up to you, but it doesn't help to put it all on other people. I am glad to see you deciding to deal with the problems now for yourself.
It hurts and I'm crying right now.
Crying is good.
I don't even know how I'm crying right now. I feel emotionally drained.
The vessel knows what it's doing. Just put down your phone, go lie down and cry for a while.
Okay. Bye I guess.
Get some rest.
Bye.