Hello, hello!
Here come this new (very very long) chapter, I hope you won't mind! ^^ As usual, give me your reactions and advice in comments!
TW: smut and always more smut (and some fluff too)!
Now I leave you with the loaded month of November!
xxx
November
She has spent the night crying.
Alternating between remembering the worst moments of her life and imagining all the things she could have had and had just ruined.
Haymitch, the girls, and half of the town would hate her. Chaff would be all smug and insufferable because he had been right. She would have to move again and start all over again somewhere else.
Haymitch…
She doesn't look forward to seeing him again.
She had certainly hurt him, leaving like that, with no explanation. He must have thought that she had been disgusted by him or something like that. But no, she was disgusted by herself.
And if she was to see him -and she would have to one day it was inevitable- she isn't sure she could tell him the truth. In both ways, she's sure he would never want to see her again.
What was she thinking? Despite his apparent vulgarity and rudeness, he was a very good man. Very well educated, very proper. And he had children. Baby girls…
He would never, ever want to see her again if he knew.
And she doesn't want to see in his eyes what she usually sees in the eyes of those who know. Pity, disgust, condescension…
She had finally fallen to exhaustion around four in the morning, after hearing Portia come back from her night out.
Now she's opening her eyes to see it's already past eleven. She hadn't opened the shop, nor baked anything. Her last hope is that Portia had found the strength to at least open the shop and take care of the clients, finding an excuse for her absence.
She rubs her face a few times, smudging even more the makeup she had already ruined crying and forgot to take off. Then she finds the courage to take her phone. She's just as afraid to see a thousand missed calls and texts than to see none.
Seven missed calls. Two from Haymitch and the others from Portia.
Then she goes through her messages. She has a lot of them, all from Portia. The general idea is "Are you okay? / Where are you?/ Should I call the police?/ I'm telling the clients you're sick.", the rest are only variations or forest of question marks.
She lingers in bed for ten more minutes before standing up and dragging herself in the bathroom.
She almost screams when she meets her reflection in the mirror. She looks like a panda in fancy lingerie.
She takes a long hot shower and decides to take the day off. It's too late to go bake for the shop anyway so…
She doesn't bother with makeup either, she just puts her hair up in a bun, takes some comfy clothes -a black legging and warm pink sweater – and decides to go get some leftovers downstairs for her late breakfast. She turns on her electric kettle, puts a tea bag in her mug and goes to open her door.
She opens it only to find herself face to face with Haymitch, with his hand in the air, ready to knock at her door. They stare at each other for a few seconds before he clears his throat.
"I hum… I wanted to see if you were okay… Portia let me in..." he stammers, rubbing his neck awkwardly.
She comes back to herself and invites him in.
"Hum, do you want some tea?" she asks, only to win time as she gestures him to sit on the couch.
In a way, she is glad he came to her, he gave her a chance to explain. But she is also devastated because it means that everything would be over very soon. Way too soon. But she decides to grab that chance.
After all, maybe she was wrong.
She brings him a mug and they sat in the living room, her on the couch and him in the armchair.
He takes a sip of his tea and speaks first.
"Listen Sweetheart..." he begins seriously. Of course she should have known… He was too nice to leave her hanging, he had just come to make things clear. Not to give her a chance… "Do you… do you want to stop?"
"What?!"
"Did I do or say something? Do you want to stop here?" he asks again.
"What? I… Of course not! But after yesterday I'd thought you would..." she answers, shocked. How could he blame himself for what happened? She had been the one with the awful behavior, not him. "Of course it's not your fault Haymitch!" she adds to make things clear.
"Tell me what happened then." he opens his hands in invitation, showing her he is ready to listen and discuss.
"Haymitch…" she winces. "It's… It's..." she can't speak, blocked by the tears in her eyes and the lump in her throat. She lowers her head to breath and try to get back under control.
"Come on sweetheart, it can't be that bad." she cannot stop the nervous laugh that escapes her. She lifts her head to look at him. His face crisps when he sees the tears in her eyes and her twisted smile. "Or maybe it can… Come on Effie. Tell me. I won't judge or anything."
It's the rare use of her name and the strange look in his eyes that make her talk. And once she's on, she cannot stop. If he has to hate her, then he'd better know the whole story.
She takes a few deep breaths and sips of her tea before diving back in hell.
"My break up with Seneca was not just a blow for me, it was also a blow for my family business. It wasn't really a match of love you see… Not only…" she clarifies. Marriage of love still isn't the norm in high society."So after, it had been made quite clear that I had made a huge mistake and that I would need to assume the consequences. The consequences being having my bank accounts frozen and having to leave the house and fend for myself." she stops an instant to breathe and see his reaction, but so far, his face remains neutral.
"They let me stay until I find a job and another place to live. But life in the city is expensive and… in order to make enough money to be able to buy something, I had to take... multiple jobs."
And here comes the best part…
"I have been a waitress, a barmaid on some days, a cleaning lady on others. But it wasn't enough. So I had to… I was a dancer and... an escort at night." she stops, swallowing the tears threatening to spill and making her voice waver.
"Somehow, my brother found out. And he told my mother. This time, I was asked to pack and leave the house immediatly. It has been made clear that I was the shame of the family and that I would not be welcomed there anymore. My mother disinherited me. The only thing that saved me from a scandal was that they didn't want my father to know. I had to go live with Portia for a while, and as soon as we got enough money, we came here. I couldn't bear being there any longer..." She finishes her anxious monologue, hugging herself, curled up in the smallest ball possible, with uncontrollable tears spilling on her bare face. What a sight she must be.
He doesn't say anything. He has listened to her all along without a word, without a spark of judgment in his eyes, and now he fixes her in absolute silence. She looks into his eyes but she doesn't find any of the expressions she had feared. Only sadness and… Anger?
She waits but he doesn't say anything. He looks at her, thinking and waiting for something else. A clearer explanation of what had happened last night maybe.
"I did not want to hide it from you, but I also didn't want you to know." she cries desperately, hoping he would understand. "I was afraid you would hate me. You would not want a... whore... near your girls. And I would have understood."
She hesitates before telling him what had triggered her panic. But he deserves to know, he would know at some point anyway… "And yesterday… It was really not your fault but… Chaff's interrogation reminded me of things… I was on edge and.. It was too much. I'm so sorry. So sorry I ruined everything...". She's downright sobbing now, she cannot stop it.
"You're not a whore." he just says before standing up. She thinks he's going to leave, but he comes to sit next to her on the couch.
"You're certainly not a whore." he repeats as he takes her head in his hands to force her to look at him. "Only a strong woman who fought for having her own life. And that's very honorable."
It sounds like a nice way to say he understands and forgives her, but that he also doesn't want her to be part of his -their – life.
But he stays there, holding her face, brushing the tears with his thumbs with his eyes locked in hers. Then he leans in and kisses her, softly, lovingly.Not the heated and hungry kiss from the previous day. It's an apology and a comfort. He doesn't deepen it and breaks it too soon for her taste.
He retreats slightly to look at her. She remembers her bare face and her -everything but flattering - outfit, imagines her puffy red eyes and feels terribly self-conscious. She tries to lower her face but he holds it high and kisses her again. Always keeping this strange expression on his face, between lust and sadness, almost suffering.
"You're gorgeous." he whispers.
This time, it's her who initiates the kiss, a little more deeply and passionately and he responds in kind. It stays quite chaste, but it lasts and it feels so right… It's certainly the best of the kisses they'd shared until now. It was… meaningful.
When they break apart, it feels like a dream ending.
He loosens his hold on her face so she can move.
"I'm sorry sweetheart, I have to go. I came here before going to get the girls at Seeder's." he manages to say between two heavy breaths.
"Oh! Yes, of course, no problem." she replies. Of course she knew he wasn't going to stay.
He gets up, goes to the door and stops.
"Come for dinner tonight."
"What? I thought you were working tonight..." It's Saturday, his biggest day of the week. He usually works twice as hard.
"I'll close. The girls would be happy to have you. I would be happy to have you." he says, blushing a little.
She doesn't dare laugh at the unwanted innuendo. Instead she flashes him her brightest smile.
"I'd love to then."
"Great!" he smiles back, leaning above the couch to steal one last kiss before running through the door.
She watches him leave with his truck from the window and once he is gone, she storms downstairs to see Portia. Fortunately there are no customers and she is in her study.
She tells her everything and begs her help for a beautiful new dress for the night.
xxx
It's seven pm, Effie is in her apartment, all ready for the night.
She wears her brand new red velvet dress with a knee length fluid skirt, high neckline and long sleeves, that lets her back bare to the waist. She embellishes it with golden rings and a golden necklace falling on her spine, black tights and red stilettos. Her hair is up in a stylish bun with studied wayward strands, and she kept her make up quite light, just her complexion fixed, red lips and a light brown shadow and mascara.
She and Portia are standing in front of her mirror in her room, checking the last details.
"You look gorgeous Effie." Portia says searching her eyes in their reflection.
"Thank you." She wouldn't be that beautiful if it wasn't for Portia's great talent and dedication. She could never have dreamed having such a friend one day in her life, and yet there she was. She was always there for her, and always would be, she was sure of that.
"Be careful Eff'. Don't do anything you could regret. But don't hold back either." She adds with a wink before taking her in her arms, mindful of not messing with her dress. She hugs her too for a second and pecks the air next to her cheek as she retreats to leave.
She takes her purse, the apple cinnamon pie she has prepared for dessert and climbs in her car. She'd rather use her car than risking her heels -and her life - by walking all the way there.
She rings the bell at the back door and waits, until she hears Haymitch's heavy footsteps in the stairs.
When he opens the door, she sees him for the first time in something else than his usual thick flannel shirts and frayed blue jeans. He is actually wearing a clean light grey button up shirt with black buttons complimenting his eyes, black slacks tight where it counts and shiny black shoes. He looks good enough to eat.
He too is watching her from head to toe, his mouth gaping, before shaking his head and inviting her in, taking her coat while he is at it.
She laughs lightly, flattered and flustered by the weight of his gaze on her.
As she enters the living room, the two girls run to welcome her. They are both wearing very pretty dresses, Prim's white with small flowers and Katniss's emerald green with golden ornaments.
They seem really happy to see her and drag her to sit on the sofa to talk with her and admire her dress.
She feels Haymitch's gaze on her nape and remembers the back of her dress. She turns to see him watching her with a smirk and licking his lips. Then he approaches and makes a sign for the girls to get up.
"You two go set the table in the kitchen while I take care of our guest." he asks them with a wink. The two little girls go running to obey the order while he comes closer to her.
He takes her by the waist with a smug face and caresses her back with his big calloused hand as he plants a quick kiss on her painted lips. It sends goosebumps all over her body.
"I'm glad you came." He just whispers before guiding her to the kitchen with his hand still at the small of her back.
She sits next to him with the girl on the other side of the table, and the dinner goes perfectly well. He had made a salad with beetroot, walnuts, feta cheese and balsamic vinegar and then salmon with roasted Brussels sprouts, butternut and garlic. They all talk, laugh and she sometimes feels his hand on hers under the table or on her thigh, but never in a dirty way.
She has never felt so at ease before, she finally sees what a family is, speaking freely, laughing and doing silly things without being scolded about propriety. And she loves that. She can't help herself correcting the girls on their language and grammar a few times, but she takes care of never spoiling their joy.
Even Haymitch seems happier than she has ever seen him, he keeps smiling at his kids and at her. For a while she feels... loved. Even if the word can sound strong.
The dinner ends and Haymitch asks her to wait downstairs while he takes the girls, especially Prim, to their room.
When he comes back, she is waiting for him in the living room, running her finger on the book covers on the shelves.
"Thank you for the dinner. The girls are real treasures." She tells him as he approaches her.
"Yes. And they really like you too. They're … happier since you're around." His arms are around her again, one hand ghosting the skin of her bare back and the other playing with the loose tendrils of hair framing her face. She has never felt him so affectionate.
She reciprocates his embrace by putting a hand on his chest and the other around his neck, moving her fingers up his hairline on his nape.
They stay like that, looking deep in each other's eyes for a while. Just enjoying the feeling of the other's presence and warmth. Then he leans in to kiss her more intensely and passionately than he ever has. She melts into the kiss, forgetting everything else for as long as it lasts.
But comes the moment they need to break for air. They remain tangled, forehead touching and noses bumping with the rhythm of their breaths.
"Stay." is the only word that leaves his lips, and it's everything she wanted to hear.
She looks once more in his eyes, and all she sees is need, longing and desire.
"Okay."
He makes them cups of coffee and leads her to his room.
It's a little messier than the rest of the house, books everywhere, some shirts and sweaters on a chair in the corner, but it's quite cozy and she likes it. It's dark, with only the bedside lamps lit, painted and decorated in dark colors and materials (navy blue, grey, brown wood), but it's warm and welcoming.
She takes a tour around the room and stops in front of his desk and his bookshelves. There are lots of books, accounting files, but it's something else that catches her attention. A disc cover that seems familiar to her. She takes it and hears him behind her taking a deep breath.
She remembers it now. Her mother used to listen to it when she was young, and she did too. It was her favorite piano concerto and her favorite version. Rachmaninoff 2nd by….
"Is that you? Haymitch Abernathy?" she asks, stunned. The cover was a black and white picture that only showed the young pianist's hands on the keyboard, but the name was written white on black. She turns toward him, waiting for an answer.
He is sitting on the bed, his elbows on his knees, his hands in front of his mouth. He simply nods and makes a gesture opening his hands. Like if he was surrendering, waiting for her to mock him or something.
Maybe that's what he was used to.
"I loved it! I still do..." she laughs nervously, still incredulous. She takes a quick look on the shelf, and finds three other discs with his name on it. Other piano pieces and chamber music. She takes them all and reads all the covers with rapt attention. She was feeling like a child in a toy shop.
She couldn't believe he was the man who had lulled her to sleep, comforted her when she cried, made her dream, so many times when she was young.
She had not really paid attention to the name on the cover at the time though. But what were the odds….
She startles when she feels him right behind her and hears him chuckle.
"That's not the usual reaction." he laughs. Watching her with amusement and some kind of fondness.
"What is the usual reaction then?" she hated the idea of people mocking him because he played classical music, and she hated even more the idea of people -well, women – coming here to see those discs. Which was stupid. She was in no place to be jealous of anything. Even more if it had happened before her. And yet…
"Mockery, admiration, indifference… But you're the very first to know me though. Or to like it." he says looking at her with a frown.
"My mother had each of us play an instrument and listen to classical music. I had chosen harp but I never got really far with that." she tells him laughing. "I stopped playing but I kept listening. I still like to. Among other things….But this used to be one of my favorite. You made me cry!"
He laughs at that but remains quite serious under the surface.
"A bad habit of mine It seems." he mutters, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and drawing her to him.
She leans in the warmth of his chest, enjoying the sensation of the silky fabric of his shirt against her naked skin.
"Why did you stop?" she asks and immediately regrets it when she feels him tense in her back.
"I had to come back here. After… an accident. And I just never got back. Even if I had had the possibility, six month without playing is like losing years of practice. And far enough to be forgotten in this business." he shrugs. He doesn't tell her everything, she knows it, but she doesn't push it. She understands what it is to bury some memories and not wanting to dig them out.
"Don't you miss it?" she asks softly, not pushing him to anything, just curious. She would have loved that life when she was young. Now, not so much.
"I was young. I never really thought about it, I just followed what I was told. It's not an easy life, I did a lot of stupid things." he gives her a pointed look. She guesses that it's why he had forgiven her faults. He had had his share too. "Thinking about it now, I don't regret quitting. It was more… poisonous than anything."
She knows what he means. It's not a healthy industry, drugs, alcohol, hard work, competition, hypocrisy… if you're not built for that it can be really hard.
She leaves the comfort of his arms to resume her tour of the room, looking at his books, trinkets, pictures. There are few of these but one really stands out.
It a picture of him young, around sixteen or seventeen, with what must be his family. They are all standing in front of a big white house, a younger Sae, an other woman with a long brown loose braid with grey strands that must be his mother, a boy about twelve with the same cunning grey eyes, and a beautiful young girl with messy red hair smiling with all her teeth, her arms around Haymitch's neck and his hand on her hip.
He is watching her from the foot of the bed, not in any hurry to come look at it with her. She has never heard him talk of his family, and she has never seen them either. Are they gone? Did he have a fight with them? Are they…?
He had said something about an accident…
Instead of thinking, she lets the first question that comes to her mind escape her lips.
"Is she the girl who broke your heart?"
"How do you know about that?" he asks in response, quite harshly. She doesn't dare look at him but she tries to take a more relaxed tone to answer him. She doesn't want him to think she has investigated on him or anything.
"Chaff. Well, he didn't tell me but… I figured." she gives him a shy smile and sees him coming closer to take her in his arms again.
"Irene. We got together when we were sixteen. And stupid. I thought she was the woman of my life and… anchored myself to her. Especially after…" He stops for a second, a wistful look in his eyes fixed on the picture. "She was all I had left, the only steady thing in my life. Then three years later I discovered she was cheating on me, had been for a while actually. With one of my rare friends, Darius." he stops and sighs. He doesn't seem mad or upset, only defeated. He laughs a bitter, self-depreciating laugh. "I have really been blind and stupid. Had even bought a ring and everything… Can't really blame her. I must have been a real pain in the ass then."
She turns in his arms to face him, cups his cheek and caresses him with her thumb.
"There is nothing that justifies that. You are supposed to talk about that sort of things in a couple. Not lie to each other for years..." She is mad at this woman she had never seen for hurting him like that. Under her angelic smile she was a real….
"It's all forgotten now. They moved far from here years ago. Out of sight, out of mind." he cuts her from her internal rant. She can see that this is not exactly true, or he wouldn't have kept this picture of her. But she lets go.
She kisses him softly, comfortingly until he responds to her kiss. Then she turns it into a hungrier and more passionate one. She guides him toward the bed, until the back of his knees hit it and he falls on it.
"So, where were we?" she teases him without taking her lips off his. Then she slowly puts one knee on each side of his legs, straddling him like she had the last time. "Ah yes..."
They kiss for a long moment. Hands roaming everywhere on and under fabrics. Then she feels him harden against her lower belly and recoils slightly.
"We don't have to do this. If you're not sure." He pants.
But she takes his mouth in another breathtaking kiss.
"I am sure. I want this." she whispers between two kisses. "I want you."
That's all he needed to hear.
He takes her mouth like if he had never kissed her before, and this time they're lost. The rest of the world stops existing.
His hands are everywhere, but very insistent on her back, sinking the little heart shaped pendant of her necklace in her skin. From the moment she had arrived, she had noticed he seemed obsessed with that part of her attire.
She runs her fingers from his hair to the collar of his shirt, slipping them under the fabric to feel the heat of his skin. She drags them to the front and undoes one button.
His hands travel up her back, leaving goosebumps on their trail, to stop at the hem of the dress on her shoulders.
He breaks the kiss and wordlessly asks for the permission to pull it down. She doesn't answer, but keeps taking off his buttons one by one, staring right into his eyes. His dark grey eyes are nothing but a storm of lust. And that's all for her.
He takes that as a yes, and slowly pulls the smooth red velvet down her arms, discovering her bare silky skin and her bra-less breasts. He breaks the kiss to look at her, and she uses the moment to take off his shirt. Once his hands freed, he takes them back on her. Touching, kissing and licking this whole new territory.
She follows his lead, arching and bending to give him better access, dragging her own hands on his firm muscled chest.
He kisses every accessible inch of her skin, before going back up to her mouth. He draws back just enough time to groan a "Damn you're beautiful!" that makes her giggle in his kiss.
Then things go from still quite romantic to heated. She rubs herself against his hard member and he licks and bites his way down to her breasts. She holds his head there as he scraps the delicate skin with his stubble and sucks on the erected buds, trying to keep her moans at a reasonable level.
She tears him off her before it becomes too much, and stands to wriggle out of her dress and tights., exposing her black lace panties clad body in front of him.
He watches her with his mouth open and seems to have difficulties swallowing.
Then she bows to kiss him, still standing with her legs each side of his, while her hands reach for his belt. He breaks the kiss and his breath catches in his throat when she touches him through the fabric and she laughs a little, now working on his zipper.
He lifts his hips to take his pants off, then grabs her to throw her on the bed and cover her with his body. She laughs at the surprise and he kisses her silent.
She enjoys the weight and heat of his body on her, kissing and nipping at every part she can touch. His body is muscular but also tender, like if he had lost some weight, and his complexion has a slight yellow tinge. She maps every little bump, scar or mark with her hands or mouth, and he does the same with her.
His mouth moves from her mouth to her ear lobe to distract her while his hand comes to her inner tight. She inhales loudly and he asks her if it's okay and she nods. He strokes her skin up and down her inner thigh, avoiding the part she desperately needs him. When he touches her she has to bite her cheeks to muffle her cry. He groans when he feels her soaking wet through the lace and muffles a "Hell...".
They both lose control the moment he pushes the lace aside to properly touch her, skin on skin. She has never been so aroused and wet before and the sensation is too much, she can't hold back. Her hips jerks to chase his hand as he kisses her again to hold in her obscene sounds.
"Please… please Haymitch..." she pants in his ear.
He takes pity on her, takes her panties off and finally drags his finger between her silky folds before pushing two fingers inside her. She cries in his shoulders and he stares at her, holding her face in his hand and holding her glassy gaze with an intense expression. He flips his thumb on her clit once and smirks when she throws her head back biting her lips, and does it again in rhythm with his moving fingers inside her. She holds his gaze all along, she loses herself in her building pleasure until her vision goes white as she comes on his hand. She has to bite her lips hard to keep her scream from escaping her.
As soon as her orgasm ends he kisses her and licks her bottom lip gently to ease her pain. She is still very sensitive and makes a strangled noise when he takes his fingers out of her.
She realizes that his cock is hard and hot against her thigh even through the fabric of his boxers. She strokes him with the hand that isn't on his nape keeping him close to her, and she can feel him twitch and moan in her mouth. She keeps stroking, going up until she finds the hem of the boxers and slips her hand inside. He stops kissing her and his breath hastens, his eyes close and his hand clutches her thigh. He is hot and rock hard in her hand and he really isn't small either. His head is already freed and she feels it's already wet too. He moves to take his boxers off while she keeps stroking him, watching him in the eyes like he did and licking her lips.
Once his cocks springs free she can finally see it and how big it is. He is long -but not too much - and really thick, her middle finger and her thumb can just touch. She feels herself getting even more aroused if it was possible at the sight and the feel of him. For the first time she really feels desired. As much by his cock than by his intense and dazed look.
"Fuck..." he mutters when she flicks her thumb on his head.
"That's the idea." she laughs.
"No, not that. I don't have any..."
"Oh!" she breaths as understanding downs on her. Condoms… Her mind quickly flies at the one in her wallet but she didn't take it with her that night. She doesn't really care as long as he's clean. "I'm clean. And on the pill so..."
He doesn't answer right away, disturbed in his thoughts by her ministrations.
"I'm clean too. I checked not long ago."he finally blurts out between two heavy breaths.
"Alright then." she brings him closer from her, spreading even more her legs and guiding him at her entrance.
He strokes the tip of his cock a few times along her length to gather her wetness before dipping his head. She cries a little at the sensation of his thick head pushing her walls. She had never taken anyone so big and she can feel her pleasure building again. He draws back and thrust again a little deeper. Again and again until he's fully inside her. He remains there for a moment, letting her time to adjust before resuming his thrusts.
She is completely filled, literally and metaphorically. She feels whole, complete with him inside her. The thought is as exciting as it's scary.
He quickens the pace of his thrusts and she feels herself coming again, and he seems to be quite close too, his hand clutching her thigh hard enough to leave bruises. She brings his face to hers to kiss him deeply as she comes, and he comes with her, still inside.
They kiss as they come down from their orgasms and he rolls on his side not to crush her as she tries to find her breath back.
"Sorry about that." he laughs, gesturing at the mess dripping down her thigh.
"It's okay." she pants, still recovering from her intense second orgasm. She feels his gaze on her, on her body and then his hand caressing her stomach, breast and arms before kissing her deeply again.
She stays in his arms for a few minutes but soon breaks his embrace and sits on the bed, ready to go. She knows men usually don't like cuddles and women staying without being invited, so she does like she has always been told to do and leaves. He watches her questioningly.
"I should go before I fall asleep here and we have to explain that to the girls tomorrow morning." she explains with a smile.
His face relaxes and he nods, relieved. He stands and puts on his boxers and some sweatpants while she gets dressed again.
He accompanies her at the flat door. He kisses her deeply, holding her nape before asking a loaded and anxious "See you tomorrow?"
"See you tomorrow." How can he doubt that? She leans to give him one last kiss that transforms into a series of pecks. She can't find the strength to get away from him. She reluctantly moves away from his arms and leaves, feeling his gaze following her down the stairs and out the door.
She sits behind the wheel and lets out a deep sigh, bumping her head on the headrest.
This morning, she would have never dared hope for such a moment, and now here they were.
She had discovered a lot of things about Haymitch that night. He was as broken as she was, or even more, for multiple reasons, but she wouldn't have thought he was the insecure kind. Now she wants to know more about it, this fragility she had felt in him.
xxx
The next few days everything is fine. She goes to take her coffee, he comes sometimes to the shop with the girls with different pretexts, there are looks, lingering touches, kisses in dark corners, making out when they have time but not much more.
At the end of the week, when she's alone in the shop -Portia being on an other date with Cinna, a bike trip for what she had been told – she gets an unexpected visit.
The doorbell rings, and Chaff appears in front of her counter. He wears a complicated expression on his face, needless to say not very sympathetic, but she welcomes him as warmly as any other client.
"Hey love. I'll take a box of these chocolate and cranberry cookies. The kids love them." he asks her with minimal politeness.
"Yes, perfect. Very good choice." she answers automatically.
She watches him warily as she fills the box, waiting for him to do what he came for. She knows he didn't only come here for the cookies, as famous as they might be by now.
She comes back to give him his package, next to the cash register. She hands it to him as he hands her the money, and they look at each other for a moment, only separated by the counter.
His eyes are narrowed and he is staring in her eyes like if he was trying to get to her soul.
"Are you happy here?" he finally says. It's not what she expected but at least the answer is easy.
"Yes. Yes more than ever." It's a little more honest than she should be, but it's the truth. She had never really thought about it but it had come naturally to her.
"So you don't think about leaving then." he states more than he demands.
"No. Absolutely not." she repeats, for what feels like the hundredth time.
"Yet a high-maintenance girl like you must find the country life hard and boring." If he's trying to push all her buttons he is on a good path to succeed. It takes her all her good will to remain calm and polite.
"A woman like me," and she insists on the woman, "can perfectly take care of her own 'high-maintenance' as you say. And the boring life is exactly what I was seeking coming here." she reassures him on these points, keeping a nice smile on her face but her eyes were throwing daggers at him.
His face softens a little (a very little) and he sighs.
"He's happy, don't break him again." he says as he reaches the door.
"I won't." she answers as the door closes behind him.
xxx
That night, she decides to indulge herself with a quiet cocooning night.
The rain is pouring outside so she doesn't have any regret in doing so, that's the reason why it's her favorite weather.
She sets her favorite baking show on Netflix on her TV, makes herself some peppermint tea and takes some white chocolate cookies and nestles under her heaviest and softest blanket. Combined with her comfy legging and her woolen sweater, it was like being in a big warm cloud. That was second best in terms of comfort after Haymitch's arms.
This was going to be a perfect night.
Just what she needed to forget the weird and not really pleasant encounter of the afternoon, and the absence of Haymitch all day.
She's about to push the 'play' button when knocks echoes from her door.
She sighs loudly, not to say groans, and goes to open the door, expecting Portia just back from her trip and all excited about it.
But it's Haymitch who's standing behind the door, and she suddenly feels ill at ease. She partly hides herself behind the half opened door and pats her hair. Which is stupid because he has already seen her in much worst states than that.
"Oh! Good evening! Wha... What are you doing here?" She really feels stupid. Stammering in front of her man, what is she? Twelve?
"Hum… the girls are at Sae's and… I … I missed you." he stammers too, rubbing his neck. That must have been really hard to admit for him, considering his reluctance to speak about feelings.
She remains speechless for a second, but quickly waves him in.
"I'm not… intruding?" he seems unsure, worried. What is he thinking? That she has a lover in her cupboard?
"Not at all!" She reassures him with a smile. It was funny how he could go from cocky and proud to insecure and… boyish. She can see the crushed, insecure teenager in him in moments like this.
None of them moves and they just look at each other, a few steps apart.
They had never done that yet. Showing up at the other's place without being invited first, and without a real reason. Just because they wanted to. And neither really knew what to do.
She was still patting her hair, trying to give them some shape and he was shuffling on his feet, staring at her with an intense gaze.
He is the first to the cross the distance separating them in two strides. He tears the arms she had been hugging herself in off and takes her in his instead. She is still tense but forgets everything about why she had been uncomfortable when he kisses her.
She is reduced to something akin to mush against him when he breaks the kiss and locks his eyes in her.
"You're beautiful."
"Even like this?"
"Especially like this." he frowns.
"Ugly?" she is teasing him mostly, but deep down she wonders how he can like her so plain. She had been repeated enough times that she wasn't a natural beauty.
"You." he answers in a deep cracking voice. "Not hidden behind a mask of paint."
She kisses him, a little deeper than previously, but still chastely.
"So, what were you doing?" he asks her, breaking the embrace.
She simply waves at her little installation in the living room. The blanket and her tray of sweets and tea is still waiting for her there.
"Do you want a cup?" she offers, not really sure that he would like this kind of evening. He didn't seem like the literal Netflix and chill kind of man.
"Why not. Except if you want to be alone..."
"Of course not!" she almost screams. She had been longing for him all day, being alone is the last thing she wants now. "I just… I don't know if you like that kind of program..."
"I don't mind it."
She gives him a mug of peppermint tea and invites him to sit with her on the couch. They settle under the blanket with him sprawled and her snuggled against his side, her head propped on his chest. When she starts the TV, he puts his arm around her to hold her close.
They watch two episodes of the show, laughing and screaming at the screen and bickering about which candidate's the best. It was all very domestic and, she had to say, very agreeable.
As the time passes, they lie more and more on the couch. They end the second episode with him lying on his back, his head on the armrest and her curled up against him, half sprawled on his chest, her head tucked under his chin. He holds her with a hand on her back and the other petting her hair soothingly.
She has never been so intimate with anyone else before, and she loves it.
With Seneca it had always been very proper and cold, and none of her other boyfriends had had time to get there.
She uses the hand she has on his chest to lift herself enough to look at him. Just look at him, study every feature of his face. His square jaw covered by blond and grey stubble, his crooked nose, certainly broken at some point, and most of all his troubled grey eyes. He is not the type of beauty she had been used to, he isn't all smooth and spruce. His face is marked by years and hard work. And yet he is certainly the most handsome man she knows.
He is holding her gaze with his eyebrows furrowed, and strokes her face with his big calloused hand.
"What?" he whispers, both amused and anxious.
"Nothing." she breathes as she leans in to kiss him.
He kisses her back and, of course, it grows heated pretty quickly.
After a while, she suffers from the lack of place. She stands up and takes his hands to guide him to the bedroom. He stands but doesn't follow her, instead he pounces on her and take her in his arms. She shrieks and laughs in surprise but holds tight to his neck and wraps her legs at his hips.
He carries her all the way to the bedroom, his mouth never leaving her neck.
Once at the foot of the bed, she expects him to fall with her on it, but he carefully lies her down at the edge of it. He kisses her one last time before getting on his knees on the floor in front of her. He distracts her by kissing her lower stomach while he drags her pants and panties down. Then his head disappears between her thighs. She hears him chuckle and groan when he sees how wet she already is, but she doesn't have the strength to rebuke him. Even less when she feels his tongue licking all the length of her core.
She forgets everything but the feeling of his mouth and his hands on her. This time she doesn't hold back her moans and cries, and he seems to like that. He makes her come, harder than she ever had before.
As she comes down from her high, she feels him chuckle against her skin as he kisses his way up her stomach, nuzzling her sweater out of the way. She takes off her sweater and brings him up to her. She can taste herself on his mouth, and it's strangely arousing. He doesn't break the kiss to take off his shirt and pants, but he can't help a sharp intake of breath when she takes him in hand through his boxers.
He takes them off too and position himself between her legs He looks at her to asks her permission and, when she nods, pushes himself inside her.
And it's amazing. Even better than the first time. Because they know each other a little better and because they aren't restricted in anything. She can scream her pleasure and they can take all the time they need to give pleasure to the other. It's slow and mindful. Intense and powerful. His hands and his mouth are everywhere on her, trying to learn what she likes best, and she feels worshiped. She wants to crawl under his skin.
It feels like they are one unique being.
They come as one.
Afterward, they roll on their backs to catch their breath. She expects him to bolt away but he stays and keeps her close to him. They cuddle for a little while, and it feels almost as good. In a more domestic way. It's an intimacy she had never known, and never knew she craved.
She decides to gather her courage and ask him about his past. Confessions on the dead of the night are her best chance to get something from him. And she really wants to know him, understand him.
"Why didn't you go back?" she whispers, caressing his chest to soften the 'blow' and hooking her leg across him to keep him in place.
He sighs but doesn't tense. He keeps running his hand on her forearm distractedly. Thinking about his answer.
"I had to stay after my mother and my brother died... Take care of the house… the papers.." he stopped, a wistful look on his face. "And I wasn't in any state to go back to city. And I didn't want to… Playing wasn't appealing to me anymore."
"Is that… Is that why you started drinking?"
"What? How do you know about that?" he frowned, his hands stilling and hovering right above her skin.
"I lived in rich society, I know the signs." she answers, running her hand on his yellowish skin and the little tender pouch on his stomach. "You stay away from anything alcoholic, you still have a light jaundice and you have tremors when you're nervous." She kisses his pectoral to soften the blow.
He just nods for a few seconds. Then shakes his head.
"I didn't start drinking then, I used to drink a lot before. Like any good musician ought to…" he scoffs. "But that's when it grew… out of control, yeah." he admitted.
"And what made you stop?" she asks softly.
"The girls." this time he doesn't hesitate. He is proud of that, of them, it's so obvious. "Well, I had reduced a lot already since Sae had handed me the dinner. Chaff had been on my back on that… But it was either I went to rehab to completely stop, either the girls were sent into the system. Separately. I couldn't let that happen." he shakes his head.
"You did the right thing. They couldn't have found a better family…You always make sure they don't miss anything." she says planting a firm kiss on his neck.
He shrugs and doesn't answer but holds her even closer.
They stay like that for a while and when she feels herself drifting off she turns and he follows to spoon her.
"Don't mind if I stay?" he mumbles, apparently half asleep himself.
"Of course not." she answers, tightening her hold on the arm around her stomach. She can't help a little smile to tug at her lips.
She is almost completely gone when she hears him whisper something in her nape. He sounds much more awake than he did a few minutes before.
"Now, they don't miss anything."
xxx
They wake up with her alarm at five am.
They cuddle and kiss for a moment in the bed before sharing a mischievous shower and going down to bake.
He helps her with her preparations until around 7:30. With his help, everything had been faster so it's all ready an hour earlier than usual. They have largely compensated the time lost in the shower… He even has time to make her coffee. And even in her kitchen with her coffee machine, he manages to give it the same taste it has at the dinner.
"Do you want to come with me get to the girls at Sae's?" he asks as they're silently sipping their coffee.
"I'd love to!" she beams at him and he gives her back her smile. "Let me go get dressed!" she says as she hurries upstairs to get ready.
She keeps her makeup light, first because she doesn't really have time to do much, and also because him liking her without any gave her back some confidence. Then she quickly puts on a pair of jeans, boots and a thin beige cashmere sweater with embroidered pearls.
When she gets back downstairs she finds Haymitch talking with Portia, who watches her get down with a smirk. She discretely rolls her eyes at her friend, and playfully mouths her that she is in no place to talk.
Portia simply giggles at that, and wishes them a good walk as they get out.
They walk for twenty minutes, heading to the residential area at the edge of the town that is called The Village.
They go through the meadow, walking hand in hand, talking about the town and other meaningless things. She's still surprised that he accepts to show his relation with her so soon – they hadn't even really talked about what kind of relation it was yet -, but she doesn't comment on it. She doesn't want to spoil the moment. Besides, they are practically alone, so there is no real reason to hide.
The meadow is beautiful. She hadn't been there often, only the few times she changed her usual running path, when she needed a longer one to burn the extra cookies she had eaten.
The grass is of a vivid green, partly hidden by the dead leaves from the trees at the edge. Some of them are already naked, others still have their colorful mantle, and others are tall dark green pines.
With the fog and the pale orange light of the early morning, there is something romantic in this scenery.
She is surprised when they arrive at the Village. She would never have imagined a humble woman like Sae would live in such an expensive part of the town.
She is even more surprised when Haymitch stops in front of a not so white anymore big house, that she recognizes from the family picture he keeps on his shelf. It's nothing like the house she had seen on the picture. The paint is faded and dirty, some shutters are broken, all the second floor curtains are closed and the wrap around porch is filled with old broken furniture. As for the garden, the pretty flowers and rose bushes have disappeared, replaced by weeds and unkempt lawn.
It contrasts a lot with the others primped houses in the neighborhood. She recognizes some names on the mailboxes, and she isn't surprised by most of them, Snow, Flickerman-Templesmith, Heavensbee… all the big heads in town.
Haymitch had stopped at the fence, but he wasn't making any move to open it. Instead, he just puts his hand behind to ring the little bell acting as a doorbell.
If he sees her frown and puzzled expression, he doesn't say, he only waits with his hands in his back and his eyes on the front door. He doesn't seem well, he keeps a step between him and the fence, like if he was afraid to touch it.
Then the front door opens, and two little rockets pounce on them, followed at a lower pace by the old lady.
No one there seems to find Haymitch's attitude weird.
Sae comes to salute them and exchange a few words, says goodbye to the girls and goes back inside. All this time, Haymitch hasn't moved, it's Katniss who unlocks the fence and shuts it behind Prim.
After a quick hug to each of the girls, they are on their way back to the town. They stop at the meadow to let the girls play with the squirrels.
She waits until they are out of earshot to ask him the question that's burning her lips. And he must be waiting for it because he hasn't said a word since they left the house.
"How can Sae afford a house like this alone?"
"It's not her house. It's mine. Well… it was my family's, but now..." he turns toward her to see her frown and sighs. "I won a lot of money with the competitions and concerts. One day I decided to buy them the house, so they could have a nice life while I'm away. But one day, I came back to find it on fire, with my mother and my brother still inside. They didn't make it…"
She read the guilt on his clenched jaw and fists. His eyes are away, following the girls running in the wet tall grass. She carefully puts a hand on his arm.
"It wasn't your fault Haymitch." He doesn't answer that. She can feel that she could say it a thousand times, he would never believe it. He is the kind of person who always takes the responsibility of everything.
"The town paid for the reparations. It was as good as new. But it wasn't the same. I've never been able to put a foot in there. Not since I came into the ruins. All I could save were a few pictures and old stupid trinkets..."
"Well you have a brand new stupid one here now." she jokes as she slips her hand in his pocket to take his hand, linking their arms and getting closer while she is at it. Using his warm and giving him hers.
He snorts at her poor pun, but holds her hand tight in his.
"So I gave it to Sae and her daughter when she gave me the diner and the apartment that goes with it. It seemed like the normal thing to do." he finished his story.
"Sae has got a daughter?" she had never seen or heard of her.
"Had. She died a few years ago, she had Down syndrome. That's one reason why Sae retired. That and her smoking taking its toll on her." he explains. It was easy to see that he didn't like that. He loved Sae and he didn't like to know her ill.
She squeezes his hand in comfort, safely hidden in his pocket.
She too lets her gaze follow the girls while her mind wanders somewhere else. How can someone have so many misfortunes in his life? And be so strong about it?
She almost feels silly with her little tale of woe…
When the girls come back to them, with their pants and shoes all muddy, they resume their trip back home. The girls are a little tired and Prim asks Haymitch to take her in his arms. He lets go of her hand to haul the little girl up.
Effie is about to put her hands in her pockets, to protect them from the cold, when she feels something cold touching her. She looks down to see a shy Katniss slipping her little hand in hers. She takes it firmly and here they are, walking down the streets like a perfect little family.
Seeing them like that, no one could imagine all the cracks and scars they hide.
Effie catches herself dreaming that this could become something real in the future, them as a – makeshift but real- family.
She is startled from her daydream by Haymitch's elbowing her playfully. She watches around her and realizes they have arrived in front of her shop. She quickly blinks back the tears in her eyes, wishes the girls a good day at school and kisses them goodbye. Haymitch simply winks at her and they leave her at her door.
xxx
They see each other everyday for the next week, for coffee, for the girls, or for themselves, and the more they see each other the less they seem to be able to stop.
One day, in the afterglow of a particularly good moment at her place he asks her a question she wasn't expecting.
"Hey princess, could you make a cake for Prim's birthday on Saturday?" he mumbles, his nose buried in her hair.
"What?!" she jumps in horror, absolutely furious. She catches her pillow and hit him with it in rhythm with her words. "Why didn't you tell me before?! I'll have to find a present! And make her the best cake ever! I can't count on you, you're the worst!" she rants, until he catches the pillow and tosses it away in the bedroom.
"Hey hey hey! Calm down it's no big deal!" he laughs, trying to bring her back in the bed.
"No big deal? Of course it's a big deal! I want everything to be perfect for Prim! I even could have organized the whole day!" she winces and whimpers "Oh I cannot believe you didn't tell me about Prim's birthday… It's in two days..." He succeeds in making her lie back against him in the bed, and kisses her forehead. She is still tensed and mad but she can't resist melting a little on him, softened by the warmth of his skin and the caresses on her back.
"Don't work yourself up like that. The cake will already be a great present, sweetheart." she sighs on his chest and it makes him shiver. "We're simple people, she doesn't need a party or any fancy shit."
She tenses full force again and there is no way he doesn't feel it. He has a talent for adding insult to injury. She only wanted to do something nice for a little girl she loves, and here she is, accused of spoiling and being a bad influence on the girls.
She sits at the edge of the bed and covers herself with her robe.
"Sweetheart..." she has her back to him but she can hear the wince and the annoyance in his voice.
"It's fine, I'll make her cake. I'll ask Hazelle to bring her tomorrow to choose the flavor." she says as she stands and walks to the bathroom, refusing to let him see her cry. She hopes he'll take the hint and leave.
She knows he surely didn't mean it like that but it still stings. She will always be seen like that, the City Princess. Sometimes it will be a compliment and sometimes it will be an insult. But she simply wants him to understand that never, under any circumstances, she will try to change the girls. Especially not in 'spoiled brats'.
When she gets out of her shower, he is gone. And she doesn't see him the next days. She doesn't go and he doesn't come.
But she sees the girls, when Hazelle brings them after school the next day.
They take an hour to talk and taste the different flavors of cake. Hazelle has the tact of not talking about Haymitch, but Effie can see that she knows something happened.
After numerous testings, Prim's choice is made. Strawberry and vanilla it will be.
On Saturday, she shows up with the cake, a big vanilla flower cake with strawberry cream and fresh fruit,a big 3 shaped candle, and a present, a dress made by Portia and herself with floral embroideries.
Haymitch invites her in the kitchen to put the cake on a plate, and she follows him. They are alone but they can hear the children running and playing in the apartment. He puts a tray on the table and waits until she has installed the cake on it to talk.
"Effie, I… I'm sorry." he says, staying next to her but not daring to touch her yet.
She turns to face him, not quite mad but not really happy either.
"I don't want to change the girls, and certainly not change them into 'me'. I just wanted to be nice." she clarifies "I am sorry I overreacted."
"You already changed them, in a good way. They needed someone like you. What I don't want is for them to get used to a way of life they might lose later and get hurt." she nods, because she can perfectly understand what he means. She had lived that.
She lets him come closer and take her in his arms. He kisses her lightly and they hug for a while, settling the argument. Then he moves back a little to look at her intensely, frowning.
"I would be proud if they become like you." he whispers. She isn't so sure herself, but she gives him a small smile before dragging him back to the living room with the children.
There are a lot of children running everywhere. Katniss and Prim of course, she recognizes Vick and Rory, two of Hazelle's kids too, Rue, and the girls introduce her to Madge, Annie and the famous Peeta.
They relocate to the diner, privatized for the occasion, to eat the cake and give Prim her presents.
They are all sweet but they are numerous and full of energy and it's hard to keep an eye on everyone. They decide to take them to the park to let them play and run as they wish, she even lets herself be dragged to play blind man's buff.
When she comes back to him, panting and certainly all disheveled and blushed, Haymitch is looking at her with an amused smirk and a weird look. She doesn't have time to linger on it because it begins raining and they have to take the children back inside.
It's a relief when their parents come to get them -even if after meeting his mother, she would almost have asked Haymitch to adopt Peeta too – and they can finally go rest upstairs.
The two girls have eaten much too much sugar and go directly to their room to sleep.
Prim clings to her to attract her in her tiny bed, so she sits beside her and tells her a story until she falls asleep. She stands up slowly and kisses her blond curls before turning to the door to see Haymitch against the door frame, his arms crossed in front of him, with the same look he had earlier.
They get downstairs together without a word. Once safely in the living room, he wraps his arms around her.
"So, what should I do to make it up to you Princess?" he whispers, nibbling on the lobe of her ear.
She cannot help a chuckle at this terrible attempt at playfulness and turns in his arms to kiss him firmly on the mouth. He takes the hint and carries her to the bedroom.
That night is different. It's slow, sweet and passionate. Loving. It's perfect.
She doesn't ask him if he wants her to stay. The fact that he spoons her tight against his chest to the point that she can barely move is enough of a clue. He barely gives her enough room to grab her panties and tank top and put them on. She catches their reflection in the mirror on the wall. He isn't sleeping, not at all. He is looking away, with a hard look on his face. He almost looks worried.
She strokes his forearms with her fingers soothingly.
"What's going on?" she asks. He takes a deep breath.
"They're happy now you're here." he pauses for a while. "They really love you..."
"And I really love them too." she says, entwining their fingers on her stomach.
And I won't go anywhere, I won't abandon them or you, is what this means.
xxx
The end of the month comes and with it the Thanksgiving frenzy.
And for the first time in her life, Effie doesn't have a family to celebrate with. It hurts, but maybe it's better than suffering a whole week of reminders of her failure and blind dates, like she used to. Even Portia is leaving to go to her parents in Chicago.
She had never been alone on any holiday actually, and she has no idea of what to do.
She cannot invite anyone in her small apartment, even just with her and Haymitch in it, it feels crowded. And nobody has invited her yet. Well, Portia had asked her, but she doesn't want to take Cinna's place as her holiday date or hold the candle for three days so she had declined her offer. But she still has some hope that Haymitch will.
One morning, she arrives at the diner and spots Chaff in front of the door. He is looking inside with an amused smile, his hands in his pocket, making no move to enter.
She quickly understands the origin of his amusement as she comes closer the building.
"I'll shove you your turkey where the sun doesn't shine!" she hears Haymitch yell inside.
Just as a big thud echoes, the front door opens and immediately shuts behind a very defeated Plutarch.
"You'll have more luck at Easter, Heavensbee." Chaff laughs patting his back.
"I hope so..." the poor man sighs. "Chaff, Miss Trinket." he salutes them before leaving.
They both look at the retreating man with a smile for a moment. Then Chaff opens the door and holds it open for her.
"Come in love."
It's the first time he speaks to her really nicely, without any underlying aggressiveness.
They enter to find Haymitch pacing behind his counter, red as a tomato.
"Hey! How are you buddy?"
"Hey." he answers flatly. "Hey sweetheart." he adds once he has finally turned his head toward them. "I… am… great!" That's an obvious lie, but she bites the inside of her cheeks to keep a smile from slipping on her lips. Something tells her he would not take it very well.
Instead she lets Chaff handle the situation, and observes them a little. She never really had the occasion.
"Yeah… So, what are you bringing to Hazelle's party?"
Haymitch freezes as he puts her coffee in front of her, he doesn't notice that she has frozen too. She can feel colors escaping her face and a cold shiver running down her body, soon replaced by a wave of heat creeping up to her cheeks.
Of course, Chaff notices and understands. He looks a little sheepish when their eyes cross, she has to give him that.
"I don't know, I had forgotten to be honest. But same as usual I guess." Haymitch grumbles, oblivious of their silent conversation.
"Okay. We'll bring the meatloaf and cornbread. As usual." Chaff answers, truly ill at ease. "Well, see you Haymitch. See you love." he says as he stands to leave, putting a hand on her shoulder on his way out.
She sips her coffee silently, and Haymitch doesn't pay attention to her. He's still mad after Plutarch's intervention and he's been wiping frenetically the same glass for two minutes.
She can't be mad at him, he cannot invite her to someone else's place. But he could at least have told her. She isn't really mad at Hazelle either, they're friends but that's all, and she's new in town, and apparently this seems to be some kind of tradition. She doesn't expect to be included that easily after only three months here. And Hazelle knew nothing of her situation, so she must have assumed that she would be going back to her family for the holiday. Like any normal person would do.
She is mostly mad at herself for having hope, her mother had always told her that having hope could only lead to hurt, that the only things she should have were expectations. Maybe that for that one thing she was right after all…
She leaves him to his brooding and goes back to the shop, resigned to be alone like an old maid with her cat for Thanksgiving.
xxx
The whole town is crazy and she doesn't have a minute for herself that week. She is inundated with orders for Thanksgiving. Everyone seems to be really happy to have a new pastry chef in town. Everyone but Haymitch apparently, she has barely seen him these last few days, only to go get her coffee and that's all.
Two days before the fateful date, Hazelle comes in the shop with Posy to order desserts for her thanksgiving dinner. She shows her all of her recipes and lets her choose.
"So, I'll take one pumpkin pie, one apple and raisin pie, a pecan cheesecake and a box of chocolate truffles and candies..." she enumerates after reading all the menu. "Thank you so much for your help, you're really the best!" she seems so happy that Effie tries to match her enthusiasm.
"Wow, that's a big order!" she jokes as warmly as she can.
"Yes, we have Sae, Chaff, Seeder, Haymitch and all the kids over so… that's a lot of mouths to feed!"
Effie laughs and takes a paper to write her order down. Then comes the question she dreaded.
"What about you Effie? Where are you going?"
She pretends to be focused on writing the order to avoid answering or at least use the time to think of something, but she hears Hazelle's gasp and it's too late.
"Oh my god! I'm going to kill him!" she whispers-shouts not to disturb the other clients. "I had told him to tell you! I had even implied that he could bring a date if he wanted..."
"It's alright Hazelle." she tries to laugh the matter off. "I can use the night off, I'll be exhausted anyway." And that's not really a lie, with the schedule she'll have to keep the coming days, she will certainly fall once the shop's door is locked.
"Nonsense!" Effie startles at the authority in Hazelle's tone. She feels like a child being chided. "I'll come at six to take the cakes, and you with it!" She says in a no-argument-possible tone before storming off, muttering things about how she's going to beat the shit out of him.
"Hazelle I'm not really sure it is a good…. Idea..." Effie tries uselessly because she is already out now…
She is on the brink of tears now, but she has to put herself together as an other customer comes in.
If he hasn't told her, he must really not want her there. Maybe he had grown bored of her after all, that would explain why he is so distant lately. She just isn't part of the family that's all. She never has been.
But now that Hazelle has invited her, she knows she'll have to go. She'll drag her by the ear if she has to, Effie knows her enough to know that.
She really doesn't want to go now. He will be mad at her for intruding, she will have to fake cheerfulness for Hazelle, she will feel completely out of place…. It's going to be terribly awkward…
xxx
She doesn't see Haymitch at all for the next days, they don't even text or call either. She has too much work to do during the day, and she even has to go to the closest mall to buy all the groceries she needs on the evenings.
On the night before Thanksgiving, she has to begin all her preparations. All the ones that need to be done early or to rest in the fridge overnight. When she comes back to her apartment, she is covered in chocolate, dough, and she reeks of spice mix and vanilla aroma, so she runs directly in the shower.
Then she resigns herself to look at what she has to wear. She will have to go anyway so better be at her best. At least if he dumps her, for whatever reason – maybe he's grown bored, or she did something or else -, she'll show him what he'll miss. She won't let him see her broken, she will keep her eyes bright, her chin up and her smile on.
She settles her choice on a sapphire blue dress that matches her eyes, with long sleeves letting her shoulders bare, a sweetheart neckline and a knee length long pencil skirt that Portia had made for her for her birthday a year ago. It's silk on the inside and suede outside with geometrical holes and embroideries on the hem of the skirt.
She gets back in her bedroom to find her phone flashing. She take sit to find one missed call from Haymitch. It was two hours ago, it's late now and the girls must be asleep. And she doesn't know what to say to him. She keeps her head in the sand and doesn't call back, she'd rather confront the matter face to face.
Instead she goes to sleep, she'll need it if she wants to face the huge day coming.
She doesn't have one minute free the next day, between finishing the orders in the morning and handing them to the clients in the afternoon. And of course, when Hazelle arrives at six sharp, she isn't anywhere near ready.
"What is that? Go upstairs get ready immediately!" she exclaims as she gets in and sees her behind her counter.
She still has a mountain of boxes behind her to be given.
"I still have orders to sell, go I'll catch up when I'm done." It never costs anything to try…
"I'll take care of it. Shoo! Now!" she demands her with her finger pointing to the back door. She sighs and refrains from answering 'Yes mother.' and obeys.
She takes a quick shower, styles her hair in a messy bun with a blue ribbon weaving in her blond curls, does her makeup -light-, and puts on her dress and her blue stilettos.
When she gets down, Hazelle whistles and catcalls her playfully.
"You. Are. Gorgeous!" she beams. "Let's go!"
Indeed the pile of boxes is now reduced to the four ones of her order. Hazelle drags her to her car with all the boxes and drives her to her place. She has no escape possible now, she's trapped.
Sae is already there taking care of the kids when they arrive.
The house isn't big but the space is perfectly used, it's homey lived in but clean. The first floor is one big room with the living area on one side, the dining room on the other and a half open kitchen in the back. The smell of the turkey and stuffing is filling the air and cranberry and gravy sauces are getting heated on the stove. The perfect picture of a family house.
She is helping Hazelle with the presentation of the desserts when Chaff, Seeder and the kids arrive. They put a big meatloaf and a basket of cornbread on the table and come to greet them. Seeder simply pecks her cheek, but Chaff takes her in his arms.
"It's good you're here, love." he whispers in her ear. She is a little embarrassed but she gives him a small smile. If only he knew how much she wants to run away from here…
Half an hour later, she is in the kitchen making a salad when Haymitch knocks at the door. She reflexively goes to hide behind one of the rare walls in the room to avoid, well delay, the confrontation as long as possible. Which is stupid, she might as well show her presence now instead of hiding cowardly. She isn't doing anything wrong, just having Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's.
She can't avoid him when he comes to the kitchen to put his dishes there. Mashed potatoes, green beans and pumpkin gratin. She'd rather look at those than at him.
He comes closer but she still avoids to look at him directly. From the corner of her eyes she can see him rubbing his nape and shuffling on his feet.
"Sweetheart…"
She wants to look angry and upset, make him understand he did something wrong, but she only manages to look afraid and apologetic. She can't even persuade her own body that she is sure it isn't her fault. She still expects him to tell her she shouldn't be here, she doesn't belong here. That he doesn't want her here.
"I… I'm sorry I didn't tell you… I wasn't sure you would want to come here, with us." she shots him her best are you dumb look, and waits for a better explanation, a real one, with her arms crossed on her chest. He sighs but nothing comes.
"You.. weren't sure I would want to spend Thanksgiving with the people I owe thanks the most to… People I care about most here… Great reasoning..." she deadpans, turning back toward the stove to put his dishes to heat and to hide the tears in her eyes.
"Princess, I… Fuck you're gorgeous..." her eyebrows are almost melting into her hair line when she turns her head to him. "Sorry. I… don't do holidays. Well, I didn't used to. The girls are young, they don't really care, but this… This I… forgot. I forgot how to do all that. I'm a regular Scrooge and you're … well you're a… merrymaker. I didn't want to spoil your joy." he struggles to find his words but she understands. But she can't completely forgive, he could have told her. Couples talk. Well, if they are a couple that is…
"Well… You did anyway…" she shrugs.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. Really... Guess, deep down, I was also afraid we would not be… good enough for you. We're a weird family. The widow, the coarse uncle, the broken man and an armful of children. Not really what one would dream about."
He was looking at his shoes so he couldn't see her shake her head.
"You're an idiot..." she whispers to hide her cracking voice. She doesn't want to cry now. She didn't cry of sadness, she won't cry of relief. And she can't ruin her makeup now.
"Yeah..."
"You're the only family I have, and I would choose you over anybody else..." she admits, whacking his chest to emphasize her words, and channel her anger in something else than tears.
He doesn't say anything, but he hesitantly takes her in his arms. She lets him, happy to burrow her face in his neck and to breath his smell of cologne, coffee and… him. She had been so worried at the idea of never doing that again…
He takes a step back to look at her, stroking her cheek absentmindedly.
"Damn, you're so beautiful."
"So I've been told." she answers playfully. He leans to kiss her but just as their mouths brush they are cut by two little bullets barging in the room.
"Effie!"
She crouches to hug the girls, and then lets herself be dragged in the dining room.
They all gather around the two aligned tables. She sits with Haymitch at her side, Sae facing her.
They eat, talk, laugh, telling stories and anecdotes about each others, and everything is perfect. Like she has always imagined a thanksgiving dinner would be.
She can feel Chaff's scrutinizing gaze on her, on them, quite often but she doesn't care. Not when she is distracted by Haymitch's hand wandering on her thigh or squeezing her hand under the table. He even ends the dinner with his arm on the back of her chair.
After dinner, the children run upstairs to play while the adults stay in the living room with coffee, tea, and Effie's chocolate candies.
Haymitch settle next to her on the couch and puts his arm around her shoulders. She isn't even sure he realizes it. All the others do realize but no one dare make a comment on it. All she can see are amused or fond smirks tugging on some lips.
Chaff and Seeder are the first to leave. They hug everyone goodbye, and she can feel a real shift in Chaff's attitude. He is less wary. She must have gained her spurs… He whispers something she can't catch to Haymitch, who clasps his shoulder but doesn't answer.
Then it's their turn to go. She accepts the lift he proposes her, and they leave with the two very sleepy girls in his truck.
"Do you want to come in? For one last tisane?" he asks as he parks in front of the diner.
"I'd love to." she laughs discretely because of the sleeping girls in the back.
Once the girls in bed, he comes back down with her in the living room, gives her a mug and then goes to take something in a drawer. He comes to sit with her and puts something cold in her hand.
She opens it to find a big silver key.
"It's for the back door. So you can come whenever you want… if you need something. To see the girls. Whatever."
That's the proof of commitment she needed to be perfectly reassured after her little panic. She can't do anything else but kiss him soundly and passionately.
She only breaks the kiss to stir him toward the bedroom.
"Good, I wanted to take that dress off you all night." he smirks and she kisses him silent.
xXx
And here we are! They made some progress didn't they?
I hope you liked this chapter, tell me every thought that crossed your mind about it!
See you next Thursday for more… adventures! ;) xxx