Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger; background Ron Weasley/Pansy Parkinson
Setting: 7th/8th Year AU
Word Count: 864 words
A/N: for the Blaise Annoyed-By-Dramione Zabini headcanon/meme
Saturday afternoons were Blaise's favorite day of the week. Mondays to Fridays were pure torture and the influx of reasons to have headaches even during bloody lunch could push a man into doing things he would never have condoned.
The first example on the top of his aching skull; being guilt-tripped into joining a study session with Granger in the library, and stayed when Granger had nonchalantly invited Draco: that was two months ago. Another example was allowing himself to be dragged along for a 'this is not a date!' to Hogsmeade and becoming the third-wheel that was given sympathetic looks after surveying the 'I hate this!' 'I hate you, more.' 'I hate you first!'duo. And the latest reason for a migraine: finally giving in and giving bloody Granger the password to the Slytherin dungeons just to stop her from hanging on his coat-tails and acting all chummy when she didn't really mean it. Alright, she really meant it, but a Zabini would never permit himself to be a vessel for a way out of sexual tension.
That was three weeks ago and he was regretting it ever since. That - witch was everywhere, investing the air with her lily hand lotion and he swore to Salazar if he found any more strands of hair in between the lining of cushions or the arms of the chairs, he would-
It was Saturday, and you are all alone in the common room, with War and Peace, and they are serving steak and kidney pie later for dinner, so all is well. Blaise inhaled deeply with his eyes closed, and shook his shoulders free. Calm. Zen. Or any of those bull-
"Fucking hell, Granger! I told you! Twice clock-wise and thrice anti-clock wise!"
"No, the book said the opposite and I'm doing the opposite! What are you-"
"The fucking carpet, that's what! It's corroding-"
"For Godric's sake-"
"Pride jar! One Galleon! Put it-"
"Shut up and help me wipe this off-"
"Wipe? Are you a witch or not- fuck, did you just hit me with-"
"I can hit you with anything I want to-"
"Woman, I'm not your fucking pet-"
"I wouldn't want a ferret as-"
"Get out of my room! I need to get-"
"Oh, no, you don't, Malfoy-"
Blaise turned his eyes towards the ceiling instead of the incoming couple; the whiff of singed powdered horn and the faint sizzling of a cooling potion could be heard from Draco's room. Blaise didn't know whether he should be grateful that the pair was not naked or not: maybe that would stop the angry snarls cleverly (in their opinion, obviously) disguising their version of a three-months-and-ongoing so-called annoying the shit out of each other/ I just can't stand her/him! cycle.
Blaise surveyed them over the top of his book, crooking an eyebrow. "Draco, mate, do we have to talk about how your downstairs is being very uncomfortable there, and frankly, I'm uncomfortable as to know that fighting with a Gryffindor turns you on: you should be the one to put your family fortune into the House Pride jar." Without wasting a breath to smirk at his housemate's shock of realization, he turned towards the witch who was definitely not from their house, despite the green patches of potion across her white blouse: "And you, Granger. One Galleon for your Godric exclamation, and if you wish to stop contributing your money into our graduation trip, the next name you'd better be screaming is Malfoy's."
Blaise picked up his wand as they simultaneously opened their mouths, and casted a Silencio to the pair. "This is my last warning: either kiss, or get the fuck out of my sight."
Blaise was about to bet the rest of his sorry inheritance that there would be more shuffling and pushing against the shoulders, elbow-poking, belt-pulling, and his personal favorite, tie-tugging, but- Granger clasped Draco's up-turned collar and yanked him down to her for a snog that would surely haunt Blaise once again during their wedding. His best mate was as a slow as Slughorn realizing he was cheating off Granger for half the year, but he managed to grasp on the top of her arms before Granger pushed away and skidded out of the room as quickly as Blaise would have preferred her to on the first day she was allowed in.
That moron just stood there as if his first kiss was stolen and gaped at Blaise instead, and Blaise stared blankly back, his wand pointing to the direction where the girl went. Who knew Draco Malfoy could make a comical exit pathetic as he darted out and Blaise muttered out a synonym of a feline as the door of the common room slammed shut behind said described.
Blaise waited a good five minutes for the universe to defy his one good day in the week, and after three more cycle of breathing exercise that could prevent his eye from twitching too much, he settled back into the sofa and propped his book back over his chest.
"Pansy, I swear to Merlin-"
"Weasley, I would not permit myself to be compared to Brown of all-"
"Oh, for fuck's sake!"
A/N: plot-twist blaise loves being the third wheel lol (;