Another winter passed in Mirkwood, followed by spring, summer and autumn… one year and another… and the captain of the border guards remained within her chambers, hardly leaving and even when she did attend the court or meals she did not linger, remaining only to oblige duty.
Five years passed as easily as the sun rises after dusk… she hadn't changed. There was no outward sign of the years passing on her clear and perfect skin. There wasn't even a scar.
Nothing.
Yet Kili was still gone but the pain remained.
And Tauriel had nothing to show for it… except the gift Dain had handed her all that time ago.
It had taken her years to bring herself to even open the chest, but one unimportant day she found herself at the table where it had sat since her return to Mirkwood.
As the lid lifted, a bass and resounding shock filtered through her as her fingers wound about the white gems of Lasgalen.
The very gems that almost caused a war…
But by the light of the stars the jewels became their own creation, shining and breathtakingly beautiful… and all hers.
Tauriel had shut the box.
There had been a rush of emotion she had not expected; being devoid of anything for such a length of time, Tauriel had difficulty processing what she was feeling…
She couldn't possibly keep the jewels.
They weren't Dains to give nor hers to keep.
She had to hand them over to Thranduil…
But what would the consequences of that action be? Would it lead to further mistrust between elves and dwarves? Would it even cause mistrust between elven-kind?
Tauriel sighed and thought again… noticing, with some surprise that for the first time in a very long time, even if only for a moment, she had not thought of Kili.
And so, she pondered what to do; days may have passed… even weeks…
And once she had reached the conclusion of simply doing nothing about the gift; allowing the notion to settle in her mind… she found a strange void in want of another subject to consider…
Tauriel took her time to bathe and look about her rooms for something to read or an activity, such as painting, to indulge in… and found none.
Mereth Nuin Giliath was, once again, upon the forest and the wines and spirits flowed through the celebrations with ease and joy…
It had been seven years since she had spoken of this night with Kili… it had taken her a while to calculate this, given the years of self-imposed isolation.
Perhaps it was time.
Not really wanting to, Tauriel left her chambers and made her way to the festivities, departing at a time she knew the majority of her kin would have had their fill and already retired…
Some of her previous subordinates cheered to see their Captain and she, briefly, joined them in a raised glass of wine and cheerful recount of their latest purge of the forest against the spiders of the north.
The festival of light had hit the highest point in the sky, when all the stars shone their brightest and as she reached the tallest tower she was overtaken with the beauty and wonder of light; it bathed and soothed her, blanching out all sorrow until there was only bright existence.
Life.
Oh how special that gift and knowledge was…
"Tauriel?"
Startling at the voice of her king, the once-Captain of the Guard span about to see him, showered in starlight, resplendent and breathtaking…
His skin sparkled and his platinum hair glowed as he approached…
Tauriel steadied herself… "My Lord."
"What are you doing here?"
"It is Mereth Nuin Giliath, my Lord," she answered as he joined her at the balcony, looking out to the night, "I am taking joy in the celebration."
Hardly making a sound the King moved to her side, still looking out to the horizon and answering, "I had thought you unable to feel joy for the longest time, Tauriel…" then he turned to her, "What has changed?"
And she thought on it… "Nothing…" she answered, watching the blinking life and death of a million years play out in the canvas above her, "and everything."
The King nodded, resting close to her and breathing for a moment; in awe of their view…
"May I ask why you are here, my Lord?"
Thranduil laughed a little and looked to her, eyes glittering, "Did you think you were the only one to walk these paths?"
How was it he always made her feel a little foolish? Perhaps it was a sign of a great King and Leader, to display such regal surety in their words… And, perhaps it was something else…
"You once accused me of holding no love in my heart…" the King continued, looking out to the night sky to avoid her gaze. Tauriel wondered if it was due to his fear of her repose… but when there came none, Thranduil continued… "I had such great love, once… true, bright and incandescent. When it was lost to me, so suddenly and without warning, I believe I chose to feel nothing rather than allow that pain to bleed through into my everyday life."
Tauriel knew he spoke of Legolas' mother, and felt a pull in her chest and reached out a hand to place it on his shoulder.
The King looked to the touch before returning his eyes to the starlight, "I allowed myself to remain in that dark place, filled with only paranoia and control… believing I was saving those around me from my own failings… protecting them from the pain I endured. Centuries of distancing myself from those around me. I grew cold to all; even those I sought to guard against my own sorrow."
"No one should feel like this, my Lord," Tauriel admitted, allowing the emotion to raise to the surface slightly, "No one should see how it hurt me… no one should have to suffer my loss but myself."
He turned quickly, gathering her smaller hands in his own and drawing them to his lips, "No, my girl, don't you see… That was my mistake and it can't be yours."
Tauriel hesitated, "I am not sure I can feel what you wish me to, my Lord."
"No, no, no…" Thranduil rushed to take her fully into his arms, swaying to offer comfort, "Tauriel… It is not that I wish you to feel, it is only that I wish you to express it and heal."
"To heal…" Tauriel wondered, "if it is possible, I should like to heal one day."
"Is that what you fear?" Thranduil asked, his soft voice gaining something near compassion… "You fear you are no longer capable of feeling anything… even love?"
Tauriel hesitated… "What if…" Perhaps she was… "What if I am…" drawing back a little, she took a breath and asked in a quiet voice, "…now… broken?"
Thranduil observed her a while, his face an alabaster cast of wide-eyed thought.
He sighed, "If you were truly broken…" the King soothed, "you would not have such thoughts."
And Tauriel supposed what he said must be truth; only the broken would believe the world numb and find it normality.
She knew there was more.
"I promise you," Thranduil breathed, folding her into his embrace, "I will show you how to heal."
There were doubts but at that moment, in the starlight, she found nothing to counter his assumption.
"Daughter of the Forest…" He gave her just the slightest squeeze, denoting affection, "Perhaps you can also teach me the same lesson."
And then she realised that he did this, not only for her, but to also reclaim that part of himself that had been lost all those years ago.
The stars shone brightly and she breathed in his arms… why not allow herself to heal? Why not heal another while becoming whole once more?
Tauriel relaxed in the Kings arms.
For now, she let the light shine upon them.