Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger

Setting: The DH Aftermath AU

Word Count: 2070 words

Inspiration : FOOLS by Troye Sivan

I am tired of this place, I hope people change

London seemed drearier than usual, and I stared down at the black umbrella, droplets of the rain in the afternoon dampening the grey carpet. The tips of my hair were wet, just like no one could escape the dread and the sadness of life even though they were wrapped in warm blankets or in arms of those who loved them.

Chin up: the worst is over, they told Harry; Have you started planning the wedding, they asked Ron and I. The worst is yet to come, I wanted to shout into their faces, but I hugged Harry, nodded once at Ron without looking at him, and walked slowly back towards where I came from.

I need time to replace what I gave away

It was quiet around the house, and the boxes and my spare things were still scattered around the bare living room. My battered Hogwarts trunk, durable to a fault, had arrived yesterday from Harry's place, and I had left it by the fireplace, a temptation to build a fire during early spring just to scorch the memories hot enough to burn them away. I opened it up anyway, knowing I couldn't afford to replace them, because then it would just be flashes of the past, instead of remembrance that could wake people up at night. I fingered the edges of my seventh-year textbooks, brand new and un-tampered from age. One of my new eagle quills had been bent being under the inkwell for far too long, so I picked it out from the pile, a quick Incendio, and it was gone. It was just that easy.

It could just be that easy. We were lost, scattered. Ron had registered for professional Quidditch try-outs, I had filled in the application for a job inside the Ministry and not sent it, and Harry had plans to be not be around people for a while.

There was nothing left for anyone of us to save: Harry moved into his inheritance, Ron with his mother and me back into my Muggle roots. There was nothing else we could do for anyone else. What Harry was meant for was done. I knew what I was meant for, and my obligations were fulfilled. What had defined the Trio was over, and suddenly, I had no direction.

I said I wanted to do good, but what was good anymore?

And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small

No owls still. The trials were one week away, and I knew I couldn't get a reply sooner than that. We never talked about what happens afterwards, when we could stop fighting for battles we were not meant for, but he was stubborn just like I was, and when we were together, we were the most selfish people in the whole goddamned world.

Though I try to resist I still want it all

It was no surprise when I told Ron about him. He was a little taken back, but his mind was still in that place, so he didn't really react the way Harry thought he would. He had kissed me on the forehead, and told me to take care of myself. I had returned a bone-crunching hug and he was the one who had pushed away first. I knew he trusted me in my judgement, and I was disappointed. I wanted him to shake me until my brain rattled in my skull, I wanted Harry to yell at me until I sob, and I wanted to bang my head on the dry wall until it breaks. How irrational I was, yet I knew the second he touched my hand it was going to be never-ending. That was why we never talked about this thing, this gift, thismistake.

I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes

Don't fall in love during the war. Of course, you probably would before or after the battles because you want to be missed and know that there was someone who does; after the war, you want someone to tell you you are not a monster. But never during. That makes you human. That makes the demons multiply and they stay behind so much longer. And your inner turmoil would be between fighting for your cause and being afraid you are going to lose something as fragile as love between you and him. Just don't.

Because you won't get to see your kids grow up, you won't get that small house in a quant part of the village he grew up in, and you won't get to hold your hands on the front porch. All of these are just bullshit. Something reachable until you topple backwards and break your neck.

I see a little house on the hill and children's names

He had told me he couldn't afford it; I told him I had only so much to give; every single time we kissed, I told him it was the last time and he told me it was the only time he could be weak ever again.

I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray

Therefore: we weren't even paper thin; more like a piece of string, held only by few loose threads. And I was the one who cut them free. Our Headmaster's blood was on his hands as well as mine.

But everything is shattering and it's my mistake

"I thought you were off the witness list." He still found me, even when I had placed my home as Unplottable before I had left.

I halted from de-shelving the books. "I thought I told you that would be impossible."

"Romantic partners aren't allowed to testify against theirs. I thought Muggle law is the same."

Only fools fall for you, only fools fall

"Was that why you were with me? So there would be one less person to throw evidence against you?" First thing that came out of my mouth and I already fucked up.

His response was swift, like instinct. "Don't degrade us when you are angry with me." His words were as sharp as claps of thunder. His voice was like the grey clouds brewing above, threatening to rain down on me.

Oh, our lives don't collide, I'm aware of this

Fuck you, Malfoy! I told you… I can't…

Then make me stop. Make you stop.

Your resistance is just shit.

Your resolution is just as shit as mine, so stop leaving.

The differences and impulses and your obsession

I can't believe you.

Is that a compliant or…? Does that really turn you on? Arguing for an hour about how stirring three times clockwise would turn the potion pink, but four times anti-clockwise would turn it translucent instantly?

Shut up. Shut up. You know I got that right. I'll prove it to Slughorn tomorrow.

Merlin, Granger. If talking about academia could get you off, I should have one mark higher than you from now on.

Shut up, Malfoy.

Make me.

The little things you like stick, and I like aerosol

I didn't want to look at him just yet: what if the images of him was different from what I remembered… what if he was better? Could I afford it then? I was never a Seer, never had the patience for Divination, but I had seen those flashes of the forever I could promise him, and I could get addicted to a long, long time of just being myself when I was with him. It was all so fucking dangerous, because so was he. I could love him, he could love me, there just never have been a thing called us.

I had acted on impulse, which made me kiss him on the mouth after verbally sparing about potions in the darkest corner of the library; he acted on instinct, and kept us a secret.

We could never mix without igniting something between us, and we never got to find out if it was devastatingly destructive or glorious.

Don't give a fuck, not giving up, I still want it all

He took a deep breath I could almost hear made his chest expand. "How was the ceremony?"

"Fucking grim."

"But bearable."

I nodded. "We will get there."

Only fools fall for you, only fools

"How was the hearing?"

"He's calm. Mother's doing fine."

"He's ready."

He grunted, because I still wasn't looking at him. "They want me to attend the allocation."

"Are you ready?"

I glance at him then. His jaw locked shut.

Only fools do what I do, only fools fall

History grows on a person. It sharpened his cheekbones, it tightened the corners of his mouth. It lengthened his hair, it hardened at his jawline. The black layering him used to make him mysterious, but now it had grown onto him. He seemed to have shrunk, from his prideful youth to the boy who kept his head low and flinch against loud noises that would still risk kissing a girl in hidden corridors, to the man he was now, just… just Draco. He seemed grounded, quiet and deflated. He looked like himself, finally, like the boy he kept hidden and revealed in the most vulnerable of occasion.

I could bet his lips tasted the same, I could wager he still smile that same way, and I could believe he was just as warm.

Only fools fall

You taste like a future I could only live within my dreams.

Oh, no. A Malfoy breaking free of his mould.

You just had to ruin a moment when I'm trying to be sentimental.

I'm sorry. Thought you would want a light mood on a Friday night.

Too late.

I said I'm sorry. Tell me. And stop fidgeting.

My name doesn't sound so bad anymore. You make it bearable.

I like you just the way you are, you know that.

You don't get it, do you? Not everyone deserves to be saved, Granger, and you make me want to become someone who does.

Only fools fall for you, only fools

"They won't take that much from you, and after your hearing…"

"You know I have to go to prison for all the things I did. You being on the witness list doesn't make it less true."

Only fools do what I do,

No, no, you don't. You don't have to do this.

That's the only option I have! He would kill my parents, and he would kill me.

So you kill Dumbledore because you want to live? Who's next, then?

I don't fucking know! What would you do: you Gryffindors tell everyone to stand up to what is wrong, but you are all left to cry over those you lost as you fought! This never ends! This is the start of a War, don't you understand that, Granger? When you and your boy duo go around spying on me, do you know what's happening outside? You don't always get to do the things you know is right if you want to live!

Then I'd rather die!

Maybe I don't, because I never got the life I wanted!

Only fools fall

"Not everyone gets to do the right thing if they want to live." I whispered, taking a step closer.

"I'm doing this because I want that life. I need this, Granger."

"It's Azkaban. You won't get out if you go."

His eyes blazed, and he took a few steps. "Not everybody gets an anchor or something to survive for."

"I will wait." I said, taking a few more breaths and he closed his eyes.

"You shouldn't." He warned, but his fingers touched my elbows.

"Don't say it like a goodbye." I breathed, smoothing my fingers over his skin.

He opened his mercury eyes and framed my face just like I did his. "No, I say it like a prayer: because you know I can't."

I touched his mouth with mine.

"Forgive me." I think he was saying when he buried his face into my hair.

I allowed his hand on my arm and wrapped his arm around my waist.

That was Day Zero. And on Day Five-Hundred and Forty Six, he was still him, and he was mine again.

I see a little house on the hill and children's names
I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray

I think I could keep waiting when I could see the silhouette of the end.

A/N: I wonder if those who read my last drabble noticed the underlying tone of where the short led: snapdragons, crisp shirt, lillies, her constant drinking, a lone candle, even a sleeping Crooks… a bit of poetic writing but i was basically describing how draco died (i.e. his concussion that he had left untreated after his mission) sorry hope this one's more not-so-dark… but it's me so don't get your hopes up