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Today's the day.
Doom's Day.
As much as I want to show up looking like a scrub in holey jeans and a ripped tee, I don't have that shit in me. Not for their sake, but my own. There's no need to be a sloppy asshole. Assholes can still be classy. I'm going to be the best looking classy asshole they ever laid eyes on.
Rosalie's gonna want to fuck me - not that I'd allow that shit ever again. Emmett's gonna wish he was me. Most importantly, Esme's gonna wish she never laid eyes on me on that beautiful day 24 years ago. She's the true monster in this nightmare.
I'm in good spirits, though. I had my coffee date with Bella, and she didn't even annoy me aside from pretending my shirtless self didn't faze her. I saw the heat in little lovebird's eyes, though. She was drooling for a taste.
We even stayed on our respective sides, leaning on the divider, me trying to look down her shirt, and her spitting details about how shit's gonna go down today. It was all very normal.
Tossing some extra shit in a bag along with my toothbrush, deodorant and cologne, I carry it to the kitchen and throw in a half empty bottle of vodka. Just a treat for later if the need arises.
The wedding starts in about two hours, and I'm ready to close the door on this bullshit and be done with the fuckers. I'm gonna need a change of address and phone number, so I never have to hear from their asses again. A fresh start. A clean slate. A nice fuck you to their faces.
I close and lock my front door and wait for Bella in the hallway. I could bang on the door and tell her to hurry her ass, but she's fucking scary sometimes. Instead I pick a piece of lint off my suit jacket and make sure my white shoes aren't dirty. I'm debating changing them for the ride when Bella's door opens, and my mouth almost hits the fucking floor.
I was hoping for blood red like the little devil she is, but white is a game changer. She wears white well. Too well. She's looking totally fuckable right now.
Ah, shit, I'm fucked.
"Of all the things I imagined," I say, holding my bag discreetly in front of my raging boner. "This was not it."
Her tits are on full display. She's not teasing. Those babies are sweet talking me right now. They want me to taste them, motorboat the hell out of them, give them a little sucky suck.
She shrugs and smirks, and my dick gives a little squirt. I know how that sounds, but there you have it. What can I say? It's natural. "What better way to say fuck you than to wear white just like the precious bride."
"Such a savage," I say, licking my lips and nodding because I like the way she fucking thinks.
She turns to walk in front of me, that dress so fucking tight there's no way she's wearing anything underneath. Not only is she a walking fuck you to those dickwads, she's a goddamn menace to my dick.
I want her to slap my ass and call me daddy. Wait, no, that's not right. I want to smack her ass until she's calling me big poppa and begging me to fuck her.
Oh, fuck, just shut up, dickhead.
I follow her down the stairs and into the parking lot, wondering how the hell I'm going to keep my dick in check today. I mean, I'm all about fucking this day up for three assholes, but I'd rather my dick take a backseat to the shit show. He's arguing with me right now, though, just straight up begging to be let out so he can defile the fallen angel in front of me.
Can we just say fuck the wedding and fuck each other instead? I think it's all gonna be okay. There's nothing wrong with wanting to bang my balcony bitch. I'll take it to her right here right now. She should have chosen red. She's a fucking sexy ass contradiction. She's the devil in white. Who cares if we're coffee buddies. We can be coffee fuck buddies. I will buddy the fuck out of her. Fuck the buddy out of her.
"I'm pumped," Bella says, ruining thoughts of her drinking my coffee while I drill her ass to the balcony wall. "You're not gonna bitch out are you?"
I'll just keep a hand over her mouth so she can't give me any fucking lip.
"Bitch, please."
She snorts a laugh. "Just follow my lead, okay."
"I got this shit." She's doubting me, I can tell by that doubtful look on her face. "Seriously, stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?" She walks backward, balancing on those fuck me heels, her tits begging me to give her a good ole titty fuck.
"Like you want to get fucked."
Damn, I really said it. It's true, though. She's got the look. The fuck me look.
"You wouldn't know what to do with me, little boy." She licks her lips, and did she really just call me little boy?
I beep the locks on my sweet ride and toss our shit in the trunk. "I'd call that a challenge, little lovebird. Are you asking for some dick?"
She looks up at me, and I look down at her, wanting to push her against the car and show her how big of a boy I really am because I am. Big. And a boy. "I don't ask for dick," she says, patting my chest, her fingers lightly scratching at my open collar. "It just comes to me." She smirks and shoves me back a foot, slipping into the car.
Fuck me.
No, fuck her, the sexy little bitch.
My dick won't come to her. He might come on her. In her, maybe. All over her, possibly. But he takes orders from no one unless I give him the okay. Her tits smile at me through the window, and fine, okay, my dick might just crawl to her if she asked.
Seriously, I'm fucked.
"How are we playing this?" I ask, slamming my door and revving my engine like I'm some bad bitch.
"I'm your girlfriend, duh." She slides her legs in my direction, keeping them pressed together like she's such a lady.
"My girlfriend would never be so rude."
"Your girlfriend fucked your brother. Your taste sucks."
Little bitchbird really fucking went there. She's gonna pay for that little comment.
"In that case, come over here and do your job." I grab my - yes, hard - dick, daring her to suck me off right now. I want her to choke on it until she cries.
She laughs, though, and turns the music up, leaving me hard and pissed off. She better check herself before I wreck her shit up. A hate fuck is sounding pretty good right now.
I let her choose the music as long as she plays it loud and doesn't say another fucking word. Blue balls are a real thing, and this asshole has them navy fucking blue right now.
We drive an hour and a half in blissful, musical, silence before the church comes into view. Yeah, the fucking devils are getting married in a church. Fucking hyopcrites. I can't wait to see the look on their ugly faces when I walk in there with Bella.
She may be a raging bitch, but she's hot as fuck. The tits on display are an added bonus.
I park and nearly jump through the fucking roof when Bella's hand lands on my thigh, giving it a little patty pat pat, her fingers grazing my balls before she moves away. What the fuck was that? Is she trying to comfort me? Is she wanting me to fuck her right here in front of God's house? I'll do it. You bet your fucking ass I'll do it.
"Are you ready? I'm ready," she says, pulling the visor down and checking herself out in the mirror.
Ready for what? To fuck? To go in? What the fuck is she asking here?
People are leaving their cars and walking up the church steps, and to be honest, I'm in no mood to see any of their faces. I've avoided seeing Emmett since graduation six years ago and can count how many times I've seen Esme on one hand. Toxic bitches.
"Edward."
"What?"
"Let's go before you pussy out."
"Really, Bella. Your language is atrocious."
"Don't pretend you don't like it." She flicks me in the nose before hauling her ass out of my car in that wicked fucking dress.
Rubbing my nose, I watch her walk around my car until she's standing at my door, arms crossed, pushing her tits up. She widens her eyes as if to say I'm waiting, bitch, and I get out of the goddamn car.
She smiles and bounces on those sexy ass shoes. "Let's wreck their asses."
"And then later I'll wreck your ass."
Yeah, fuck, I said it. I don't regret it. We've been dancing this dance long enough. It's time to get fucked.
She pauses, looks me up and down, bites her lip. "You can try."
"I don't try, I do."
She rolls her eyes and grabs my hand. "Like I said, you can try."
Fuck, she's holding my fucking hand but it feels like she's squeezing my dick. I want it. I want her to squeeze the hell out of my dick. I want it more than…
"Edward?"
Eww, fuck. It's Esme. And she's saying my name like it's a question. Like she doesn't recognize her own fucking son. She's just goddamn despicable.
"Baby," Bella says, her fake sweet as fuck voice pulling at my dick strings. "Is this your grandma?"
Esme scoffs and narrows her eyes at Bella, no doubt checking out those perfect tits. "I told you not to come," Esme says, looking at me now, her face all twisted up.
"But I like when he comes," Bella says, and no doubt about it, she's gonna get pussy slapped so hard for that shit.
Damn.
Just goddamn.