Chapter Soundtrack: "Black Sheep" by Metric
Chapter 23- Vigil: Part Two
The trip south was pleasant, particularly for Neji and Lee, who were grateful to have trusted comrades on the team. Though they had wondered what became of Sai, their Root acquaintance had caused too much anxiety and mayhem for them to ever request him as a teammate again.
After a two day's journey they reached the magnificent residence of the Oga. It was an ostentatious castle within an ishibei: a tall, stacked-stone perimeter wall. The fortress was tucked in and among ancient trees and topiary plants on a hill that overlooked the sea.
The Leaf team was stopped at the outer gate by two armed guards, and after providing their identification, they were propelled into an inner wall where they were met again by a grounds warden. They were greeted warmly enough and brought into the main palace yards.
Shikamaru listened with half a mind as servants lead them on towards the lord's favorite pond. He had tuned out Akamaru's heavy panting beside Kiba, as well as Lee's curious comments to Neji. His mind had honed in on one alarming detail about the castle.
It was enormous. If any hooligans planned to crash the party, Shikamaru suspected that they had probably already found a place to hide. He would need to do a sweep with Neji's eyes and Kiba's nose to be sure no undesirables were lurking.
"Ah! Hello."
"Hm?" Shikamaru snapped back to his present environment.
"You are the team leader, correct?"
"Yeah," His eyes went from the uniformed attendant to the man seated regally beside a pond, "The Hokage sent us to supervise the upcoming nuptial."
The man stood from a bench and smiled weakly, "Thank you for coming early. I was hoping I could go over my security concerns with you."
"Are you the groom?" Shikamaru asked.
He shook his head, "No, I'm Moritsune. My younger brother Sanomune is getting married." He looked left and right before adding, "He should be here to be properly introduced to you good Leaf ninja…but I suppose I'll be managing things again."
Moritsune indicated for them to follow him into the towering house after removing their shoes. He led them along a hallway lined endlessly with traditional rooms. A servant had briefly fussed about Akamaru's indoor visit but Moritsune immediately gave his consent and sent the bellyacher away. Shikamaru mentally mapped the layout of the house as they proceeded. He then divined the reason for Sanomune's absence.
'Ritzy place. Bet I can call what kind of a situation we've got going on here…' The Nara watched the back of Moritsune's head as he followed, thinking, 'This is a prototypical big brother who caters to a younger brother. Probably bends over backwards to take care of his needs…and Moritsune's the leader of this clan too, which means he's been busy to begin with. All that caretaking has resulted in this gentleman having no time to find a respectable wife and marry, thus affording his pampered brother every opportunity to meet eligible women.'
Shikamaru clucked his tongue and Kiba gave him an odd look.
"I'll give you the lowdown later." Shikamaru told him in a quiet voice.
"About what?"
"How sad this is."
"What's sad? We're in a gorgeous house full of rich people who are about to have a huge wedding." Kiba remarked.
"It's sad because all of that pomp isn't for the guy in front of us. And he's not getting any younger."
Kiba nodded sagely, seeing the valid point.
Lee got in on the evaluation in a whisper, "I see! Neji, is Moritsune not the same man who visited-?"
"Don't bring that up." Neji said shortly.
"Ah. Very well."
They were brought to a garden-viewing room with tatami mats and asked to sit and relax. Moritsune quietly asked a servant to locate his brother before joining them on floor cushions.
"I'm terribly sorry. He should be with us shortly. I apologize for not asking your names when you already know who I am." Moritsune was contrite, "Please tell me about this team."
Shikamaru leaned back on his arms and recited the usual spiel, "Nara Shikamaru. I'll be coordinating your event security." He turned to indicate his companions, "Inuzuka Kiba: tracking and detection. Hyuga Neji: detection and attitude. Rock Lee: perfect manners and muscle."
Neji gave Shikamaru a mildly annoyed look, but couldn't argue with the description. Kiba and Lee found their introductions reasonable.
"What a capable group!"
"You've got that right. So, I suppose you don't want us on active lookout only on the wedding day?" Shikamaru continued.
"Right. I'd like you to get acquainted with the manor and be sure no one can sneak in. Servants have a bad habit of leaving doors and windows ajar. We've had…unwelcome visitors in the past." Moritsune waved his hand, "Not to worry! I have a feeling you can do this. I've already warned staff repeatedly to seal entrances for the rehearsal tomorrow. The wedding is the day after, so you'll have some time to prepare."
"Where should we position ourselves during the ceremony?" Shikamaru wanted particulars, "Should we stay out of sight?"
"I would recommend that you don't show yourselves. I don't want guests to be alarmed. Though…my brother has shinobi friends who will be allowed out in the open…We should discuss it with him and see what his preferences are."
The Nara added, "Any areas of concern?"
"The roof."
The boys gave the man a strange look.
Moritsune clarified, "Well…that's how they enter. Some intruders have climbed the surrounding trees to get over the outer wall. Our top level is not very well guarded and some have managed to sneak in that way."
Shikamaru made note of it, "Alright. We'll stake out the top floor at night and set humane traps during the day."
"I appreciate it."
"If we capture a trespasser, do you expect us to turn them out of this estate immediately or should they be detained?" Neji asked.
Moritsune was debating it, "If you toss them out they might just sneak in again…you can tie them up, I guess."
Lee interrupted politely, "Forgive my asking, Moritsune-sama, but why would someone try to disrupt the ceremony?"
"I'm not sure. My brother was worried about it and asked for guards." The man replied, "But as soon as he shows himself we can find out more."
"He's taking his sweet time," Shikamaru commented, peeved, "We can find him for you, if you like."
"Really?"
"Yeah; Neji can spot him without leaving this room." He inclined his head towards Neji, "Do you mind?"
He shrugged and activated his Byakugan.
Moritsune advised, "He looks like me but his hair is shorter. I think his robes were violet today…"
"Located." Neji frowned, "We won't be having a discussion with him anytime soon."
"Why not?"
He phrased it considerately, "He is...occupied with his intended."
While most of the gathered men blanched at the announcement of Neji's discovery, Kiba merely laughed, "Ha! Some guys just can't wait."
The day passed as they took a tour of the castle and its central tower, and Akamaru sniffed scents to identify typical visitors to each section of the building. Moritsune answered Shikamaru's questions to the best of his ability all the while.
They rounded a corner past a communal bath towards a residential wing and stopped. Moritsune greeted a servant with mild surprise.
"Kim! I didn't know you were back." He told the girl, "My brother said you had left on-"
"A wilderness sabbatical." Her monotone voice was unsettling. She was a short thing with bobbed, orange hair and a permanent frown. Her uniform and apron were a bit untidy.
"Oh. How was it?"
"Not satisfying."
"You'll be managing the first floor again?"
"Yeah." Her sharp eyes settled on the shinobi behind him, "One, two, three, four…what do they want?"
"Can you show them to our guest quarters? These are the Leaf ninja who'll be part of the wedding security force."
Her tangible hatred was making Kiba's skin crawl and he shrunk behind Lee. Neji and Shikamaru were impervious to the odious aura.
"Fine." She turned on her heel and began walking.
Moritsune didn't seem phased by her rudeness and explained, "She's our best worker, but also a misanthrope."
"How does that balance out?" Shikamaru wondered.
"She detests my brother but she accommodates me well enough. Ask her for whatever you need. I'll tell Sanomune to quit loafing around so he can meet your group."
And they split off from the Clan Head to follow the cynical maid. They were taken down a long hallway with lacquered wood floors and, after sliding open a rice paper door, Kim frowned and gestured with her thumb. Lee peeked into the space.
It was an exorbitantly large room with wide, southward-facing windows. They entered and beheld the rustic artwork, porcelain vases and lamps; as well as the low, antique table and a stack of futons on the side of the room beside a folding screen. Shikamaru turned to the servant, "Thanks."
She had sensed a kindred spirit in the Nara, "Do you ever…think about death and get sad and stuff?"
"Uh…like once a month." He estimated. Then he went inside and shut the door, proclaiming to his subordinates, "She is one freaky bitch. We'll probably have to keep our eyes on the staff too."
"Is that freaky behavior?" Lee asked as he set his travel bag down, "She reminded me of Neji."
"By comparison, I'm an optimist." Neji disagreed, "And I can change the tone of my voice."
Shikamaru got comfortable on the floor mats, "He has a point."
Akamaru trotted around the room, nose-first, becoming acquainted with the smells of their surroundings. Kiba collapsed to the floor opposite Shikamaru and breathed a sigh of relaxation, "Gotta love neurotic, wealthy clans…" Neji's nostrils flared and he added, "I don't mean yours, promise!"
Lee took a seat beside Neji and complied when the white dog nudged him to be pet.
"So did you really catch that guy doing it?" Kiba continued the conversation.
"It's hard to mistake." Unabashed, Neji added, "I have seen worse things unintentionally."
"Hopefully it was the woman he planned to marry." Shikamaru mused, folding his arms beneath his head, "I never sign up for drama like that..."
Distraught, Lee gasped at the suggestion of infidelity.
"What, Lee? It's something that does happen."
"To trample on the institution of marriage-!" Lee's eyes watered.
"At least as far as I could tell, Sanomune and that woman were not strangers." Neji reported, "Don't get worked up about it."
"Yeah, I'd like to see someone beat my dad's track record," Kiba said mordantly, propped up on a single elbow, "He's an institution-demolitionist."
The height of Neji's eyebrows belied a bit of sympathy, "Has he been caught yet?"
"It's got to be soon. A tracking squad went after him and he walks at about the speed of molasses." He supposed, "Unless he can vanish into thin air, he is so dead when my mom finds him."
"And I thought my mom was scary." Shikamaru snickered.
"What about you guys?" Kiba asked, turning to Lee and Neji, "I bet you've got tough mothers."
"We are parentless." Neji deadpanned.
Shikamaru shifted his eyes to Kiba in a "shit, why did you say that?" expression while the Inuzuka gasped at the conversational faux pas.
Lee's sympathetic remark rescued the discussion, "That is why we are close to the rest of our families. My grandfather has raised me all my life, so I have never felt lonesome."
"Oh yeah, you said he was training you these days." Kiba recalled.
Shikamaru added, "Ino told me she saw you both doing splits in the park with some old dude."
"Really? She didn't stop by to say hello." Neji snipped sarcastically. He was not a fan of splits.
"Nah. She was afraid if she did that he'd make her join in."
"Grandpa is considerate of ladies. Unless she was a student, I do not think she would have been asked to participate…"
"I've never tried doing one of those." Kiba noted.
"Allow me to demonstrate!" Lee offered and executed a perfect pose on the floor. He nudged Neji's shoulder so that he'd join the exhibition.
"No." He said flatly.
Shikamaru frowned, "No way you could get me to do that. That's a woman-exclusive skill."
"You have a tendency to be semi-sexist, Shikamaru." Kiba observed, carefully positioning himself on the mats, "And you know that statement is a load of shit because Lee can do it. I think maybe I can…"
"Good luck. And I'm not sexist."
Neji snorted in amusement at the assertion.
"What, Neji? You beg to differ?" Shikamaru grumbled, "Even you've shared that perspective a few times in your life, I'm sure."
"I am not sexist." Neji smirked, "I am equally critical of everyone."
"Completely true." Kiba agreed, "Hey! I got it!" He had miraculously done a front split, balancing his arms on either side of his body on the floor, "This is a small accomplishment…"
Akamaru laid down beside him and stretched out, trying to mimic the maneuver.
Shikamaru was further irked when Neji rather easily performed the stunt beside Lee, maintaining his bored expression. "Seriously, why do you all have to do that?" He growled.
"Solidarity." Neji replied evenly, "This is not a feminine skill."
"Jeez, I already said that I'm not sexist."
"What he means to say is…" Lee had decrypted the source Shikamaru's off-color comments, "Shikamaru is lazy and does not want to try. That is why he claimed it could not be done."
Kiba and Neji seconded and thirded the opinion and their team leader was quickly incensed. Total mutiny. Even Neji, who was frequently disinterested in participating in silly tiffs, had went ahead and made an example of him.
Though he kept it to himself, Shikamaru understood that Neji's firm belief in the power of women was reflective of his personal experiences. Tenten and Hinata had made a lasting impression on him. 'And now Lee, who can bend his body like a pipe-cleaner, is corrupting Neji's once unshakeable aloofness. I don't have anything against women. I don't.' He frowned to himself, 'I am just terrified of my mother.' Hopefully they couldn't tell.
Without any preemptive knock, the door of the room slid open. The boys simultaneously looked up at the visitor, still in their respective splits.
Shikamaru smirked, 'Now I am so glad I did not attempt it.'
There stood a shabbily dressed look-alike of Moritsune. He was a bit shorter with curly, dirty blonde hair. Neji quickly recognized the visitor as the man he had accidentally spied on earlier, albeit with some clothes on. Well. A T-shirt and brown pants. Tremendously odd.
"Well, uh…" He batted his lips together uncertainly, "Cool! Splits? Are you guys the entertainment or something?"
Cross-legged and arms folded, Shikamaru set the record straight, "No. We're your security team. That is, if you're Oga Sanomune?"
"That's me." He nodded with a friendly smile, "And if you were the entertainment troupe I'd be impressed."
"Don't be. We were getting bored waiting for you to show up." Shikamaru added.
Neji, Lee, and Kiba returned to seated positions and gave reserved looks to Sanomune…who was giving off a vibe similar to that of the eccentric maid's. That and his outfit was not befitting of a young clan lord. 'But what do I know? I don't dress to impress.' Shikamaru thought.
"Sorry! Thanks for coming. You made it before everyone else. I'm still waiting on the rapper I hired. Ramo-chan enjoys his music."
Shikamaru was deciphering the babble. He assumed that Ramo-chan was the bride, but it just as likely could have been a pet parrot.
"What's a rapper?" Neji breathed quietly.
"If you don't already know…" Kiba told him in a hushed voice, "There's no way we can explain it, Neji."
"Come with me!" Sanomune led the way out of the guest room, "So I'm Sanomune. Hi. You already know my big bro…and you guys-?"
Shikamaru repeated the same introduction he had given earlier.
"Oh. Nice." He enjoyed the descriptions, "You guys have totally got this."
Lee whispered to his teammates a half-step ahead of him, "He seems very enthusiastic."
In a low voice, Shikamaru assessed, "It could just be the drinking water here. On that note, I expect all of you to boil yours first. I'm not letting any of you go on a trip to crazytown."
They took an incredibly steep and narrow staircase to the upper level of the castle. The top floor was rather bare; a wide open space of polished wood floors and support timbers. Many of the windows were open.
"Not this again…" Sanomune growled, "They're compelled to leave these open, but I'm telling you that's how clowns get in here." He turned to Shikamaru, "Would you mind keeping an eye open for intruders up here? It might be a handful. Some servants don't shut-"
He fell silent as Kim materialized behind him. With a terrified squeal Sanomune hopped back and listened as the maid explicated, "Some servants dust your house. Then they air out rooms. In your house."
"R-Right! I only meant that these w-windows don't get shut…now and again."
"Not my fault. Not my problem. I'm back from my vacation, if you couldn't already tell. And I've got some bad news." The maid reported.
"What's that?"
"I hate you."
Shikamaru was grateful they were a few paces safely away from the hair-trigger servant.
Sanomune thought on it, "But Kim…you hate everyone."
"You're part of everyone." Her eyes skimmed over to the team of Leaf ninja, acknowledging Yes, you too, before she picked up a rag and a broom and stalked away.
Kiba broke the silence, "Can't you just fire her, man? She's horrifying."
"One time I tried that and then my entire staff rebelled." Sanomune explained, "I've got to live with it. It's my fault she's like that."
"What'd you do?" Shikamaru inquired.
"She and I were once…" He trailed off, but the Leaf team got the gist of it, "And then I met…" Sanomune shrugged, "You know. Time marches on."
The young lord stood by and watched as Shikamaru directed his team to stake out portions of the roof and all portals of entry. Neji had devised some particularly nefarious and inescapable traps that earned a thumb's up from Shikamaru. They set plenty of trip-wire; a butt-ton of it, Kiba had estimated. Akamaru sniffed around the exit hatch of a dumbwaiter before trotting back to his master's side. After securing the level they moved down to the second floor again, following Sanomune to each zone of concern.
"This water closet." Minutes later they stopped again, "This cupboard," And meters away, again, "This coat rack is suspicious!"
"No one can hide in that." Shikamaru said glumly.
"Just put a trap close to it, then. I'll give you extra."
"Sure." Shikamaru sighed, muttering, "You're nuts."
Staff were kindly warned of the hazards and asked to be alert. They passed the afternoon in a fog of stupidity and paranoia, and were finally deposited back in their guest quarters. Ever the ditz, Sanomune had completely neglected to ask them if they needed anything or desired a meal. He strolled off to find his bride, as far as Neji's Byakugan could tell, watching the man bustle towards a woman in a craft room.
"Yay for us." Kiba fell back on the floor mats, "We're getting paid extra because he's paranoid, but we've got to starve in the meantime."
"I am famished." Lee agreed.
"We're ninja. We could steal that oaf's entire kitchen stock and he'd never realize it." Shikamaru observed, "I am not going hungry."
"That would be disrespectful of Moritsune. This is his property, not his brother's." Neji argued.
Shikamaru flattened himself on the floor, groaning, "We need to eat."
"Be patient."
A knock at the door. It slid aside partially and a dark haired male servant poked his face in, "Supper, courtesy of Lord Moritsune. Is now an appropriate time?"
Shikamaru looked to Neji, "You saw that coming."
"I did."
"You could've just told us. We were on the verge of losing it."
Kiba invited the servant in who expertly set out a spread of food and baskets of treats on the table. After leaving cups, flatware, and a huge pot of tea the retainer hurried out, wishing them well. The boys gathered 'round and gladly helped themselves. Akamaru sat politely behind Kiba and was promptly gifted a basket of roasted duck and vegetables.
And it was decided over dinner that Neji would take the first watch of the third floor that night. It was because he had given the team leader the most sass.
The crescent moon was low in the sky when Neji made himself comfortable on the vast tile roof of the castle. He had found a nook beside the enormous, golden shachihoko motif where he could keep out of sight if, heaven forbid, a party crasher snuck by.
He noted that the mythical shachi, a tiger-headed fish beast, was an ornament often placed on roofs to protect them from fire. Purely superstition. Castles still burned to the ground, regardless. 'They'd be better off with a fire-extinguishing seal.' He thought, but that was a tool that ninja employed, not aristocrat families. Shachi ornaments came in pairs. On the left side of the building where Neji was seated, the male beast would be installed; and on the right side, the female.
He stared across the sloping rooftop towards the distant, complimentary sculpture. He thought that Tenten might settle herself there if she had been a part of this mission. She was always a perfect counterbalance.
Neji exhaled through his nose harshly into the chilled, spring air. These days she had become an apparition; a figment of his imagination. With his eyes alert and body paused in a comfortable crouch, he allowed his mind to wander a little.
She was definitely getting stronger. He had been told that she was training with Gekko Hayate. Neji smiled a little at the thought of how her personality was clashing with her new mentor's. That was the girl he knew. Unyielding. Tenten would take heed of her lessons and spin them into deadly techniques. Maybe, someday, he would have the pleasure of seeing those results for himself if he was permitted to train with her.
Neji's slight smile faltered and then disappeared. She might never again be on a team with him or Lee. Tsunade's investigation and defensive efforts were highly ambiguous with no end date in sight. She may feel the need to put Tenten elsewhere…where she could very well adapt and grow and shine; befriend a new team and balance them as she so effortlessly did theirs.
The ease and security he felt when she was near…it would be gone for good. It would be stationed on another team with other people. The idea sunk into him like a hook into fish flesh.
Neji conceded that, in spite of the circumstances, Lee had found a way to balance him through alternative means, and proven himself an irreplaceable friend. Yet, it was not the same as the days Tenten had stood by his side. He was uncomfortable with the seismic change. It also soothed him, if by way of distraction.
It had not occurred to Neji at all that, in the old days, he spent most of his waking minutes with Tenten. By choice. After she had gone, Neji had finally noticed a shift in the company he kept. Lee had gradually introduced him to the companionship that their friend group offered. In particular: the young men he had often thought himself superior to.
He was quickly realizing that his contemporaries had quite a lot to share with him. Even more to teach him! It was enjoyable at times. In other words, he knew he would get used to it.
A flock of bats flittered through a beam of moonlight and then roosted in a tall tree. The flock's soft squeaking was a sweet tune in the night.
But underneath this newfound strength and comradery was a misery unlike any he had ever felt before. The death of his father had acuity like it, but that loss was dulled due to time. It made every other obligation in his life; whether to friends, or his clan, or Lee's relentless grandfather, seem like cotton candy in the hand. Air-light and fluffy and gone in a nip. More or less.
The yearning he felt was a cinder block of lead on his chest that never let up. Day or night. Training or dreaming. It pressed. It reminded.
It was unbearable to be apart from her.
Something crossed the lax path of his eyes and Neji blinked. A striped, gray cat stalked across the rooftop and along a gutter on silent paws. He watched as it crouched, zeroed-in on an unsuspecting mouse near a pantry window, and then it burst forward with stretched claws. The mouse scuttled to the safety of the cracked window, but the cat did not give up. It dove over roof timber and into an inactive stove vent, infiltrating the house, and then resumed the chase indoors.
"Hm." He was mildly impressed.
Neji watched the cat's hunting path in the castle with the Byakugan for a short while before growing bored. He continued his vigil until, some hours later; Shikamaru turned up to relieve him of the watch. They had agreed that Kiba and Lee would alternate and stand guard the following night, thus affording them an entire night's rest.
"See anything interesting?" Shikamaru asked.
"Wildlife. No activity, otherwise."
"Alright. Get some sleep. I'll watch until morning to make sure no one tries to squeeze behind Sanomune's coat rack…"
In the morning, Shikamaru had to avoid hustling servants in the halls after descending from his post. He returned to the room, opened the door, shut it behind him, stepped over Neji and Lee, asleep, and then fell face-first onto the futon beside Kiba. Akamaru perked up for a second at the disturbance, but then curled up again.
Nothing at all. Silence all night, except for local bats and insects.
'Stupid.' Shikamaru thought. Then he went to sleep. At least they were being paid handsomely.
Some dozens of minutes later, Lee stirred. He allowed a servant inside and thanked him for dropping off a morning meal and tea. Kiba and Neji arose at the smell of food, but even that wasn't enough for their team leader. They left Shikamaru where he was so that he could catch up on rest.
"Today is the rehearsal." Lee announced with a pointed finger, "This means that we may experience more serious attempts from party crashers."
"I doubt it." Kiba yawned, "Neji and Shikamaru didn't see anything last night. Why would they bother now when they know more eyes will be peeled?"
"The entire third floor will detain any trespasser for quite some time." Neji added while pouring tea, "They've missed their chance."
"Maybe." Lee relented, helping himself to some food.
Shikamaru slept the whole morning away. Neji took over and led his teammates towards Moritsune's sitting room on the first floor. The lord of the Oga clan was contrite, "Forgive me. I was not able to check on you last night. I've been scrambling to keep in contact with a caterer and a no-show musician."
"You mean the rapper?" Neji assumed.
"Yes. But I have no idea what that is." Moritsune admitted.
Kiba shook his head at them.
"Did Sanomune cooperate?" The lord asked.
"He did." Lee confirmed.
"He's a little paranoid." Kiba pointed out, "What's up with that?"
"I've asked him several times, but he always tells me not to worry." Moritsune rubbed his chin, thinking, "He's put his mischief-making days behind him…but even now he still acts so jumpy!"
"What did he used to do?" Neji inquired, figuring it could provide a key detail.
"I don't know. He would leave the castle for days on end. He never spoke of his adventures." The man frowned, "But he always had this gratified look on his face when he returned! I worried that he was a moonlighting bandit or prankster…"
"We should ask him." Lee ventured, "If he was an aspiring graffiti-artist in his youth, then it will not do to have vandalized property owners take vengeance on him!"
"Of all the things he could do at night," Kiba sniffed, "I bet that wasn't it."
"I have my suspicions." Neji affirmed, "But it wouldn't be appropriate to voice them in front of his honorable older brother."
"Thank you. I fear I don't have the constitution for it."
Kiba turned around, "Let's find that guy. It could save us a whole lot of trouble."
They returned to the corridor and saw Kim approaching from the right, going after antiques with spray-cleaner. The boys hurriedly moved to the left, funneling down the hallway and around the corner.
Akamaru barked in a panic and leapt backwards.
"What's the matter-?" Kiba's question failed as he felt the unmistakable pull of a string, tugged taught as he took a step forward. Ahead of him, Lee hollered in surprise when he too triggered a trap.
They ducked in cover and Neji, at the back, shot a small Air Palm to knock away a hailstorm of darts, sparing his friends. Unfortunately, his technique sailed down the corridor and snapped the triggers of innumerable, hidden traps which he had noticed after the fact. The team gasped together in stupefaction and watched as wary servants ran for their lives, ducking and rolling away from swinging blades and clubs, firing projectiles, and other hazards.
"I didn't, I mean, we didn't…" Kiba turned in a small circle, "We didn't set anything up down here! Right? That could've killed someone!"
"Nothing at all!" Lee clamored.
Neji narrowed his eyes, "We're checking the third floor. Now." He bolted off and his companions followed, trusting that the Hyuga's eyes were now carefully scanning for errant traps.
It was a mad rush upstairs as the hysteria in the building spread. Neji halted the party at the narrow staircase for the top floor, scrutinizing it closely with his blood limit.
"Everything has been re-arranged. All of it…reset." He turned his head, getting a precise read on another location, "And Shikamaru is not in the guest room."
"Bathroom?" Kiba asked hopefully.
Neji looked closely in all directions, working through the dense details and woodwork of the house, "He's not anywhere that I can see."
Lee was verklempt, "How? He would not leave without telling us!"
"He didn't leave." Neji rested his eyes, "He was taken."
Kiba and Lee stared at him with pounding hearts. They were rapidly deducing, just as Neji had, that the party-crashers were by no means ordinary.
Neji resumed slowly, picking a decent route, and then darted out of an open window and along a safe stretch of roof. He reasoned that they would avoid many of the snares that had been mysteriously and inconveniently set. They entered the building again at a balcony, down a landing with steps, and took a sharp right into Sanomune's bedroom; bursting inside unceremoniously.
The man shrieked in shock, startling his fiancé beside him in bed. Upon seeing who his visitors were, Sanomune covered his wife-to-be with the quilt and pulled a robe on. He stepped into the hallway, livid, "You can't just-!"
"I already did." Neji growled, "Our team leader is missing. Your entire castle is littered with traps. It took twenty minutes. Twenty. Minutes. Our attention was occupied with Moritsune-sama and someone was able to turn this fortress into a funhouse."
Helpless, Sanomune looked to Lee and Kiba, who were equally furious.
"Explain." Neji demanded.
"Hey! Keep your voices down!" Sanomune hissed, "I don't want Ramo-chan to hear…"
"Hear what?"
"About what's going on! I want her to feel safe." His shoulders slumped, "I should have mentioned…what was really bothering me…but you ninjas looked so cool and you had it together and I just thought…you'd handle it."
"These aren't party-crashers. They re-rigged our traps. Akamaru didn't scent 'em and Neji didn't see 'em." Kiba huffed, "What's the deal?"
Sanomune hesitated to say, "They're…"
"They are what?" Lee encouraged.
"They're…my…ex-girlfriends."
Neji looked at him blankly.
"Ex-girlfriends. The women I dated…before Ramo-chan." Tears welled in his eyes, "I was afraid they'd get angry if they learned I was getting married. They found out…I don't know how…"
"How are they doing all of this?" Kiba gestured wildly about.
"They're kunoichi."
Neji's handling of the situation collided with a cognitive brick wall. The ubiquitous you-asshole look he gave to Sanomune translated excellently.
Lee's eyebrows sloped in dismay, "All…kunoichi?"
"All of them. They hate me now." He whimpered, "Please help me!"
"Help you? What are they gonna do?" Kiba scoffed, "Kill you?"
"I…don't know. I just don't want them hurting my wife!" Sanomune confessed, "If they get away with killing me, then maybe it's deserved. I suck. Well I used to suck. Please protect Ramo, won't you?"
With folded arms, Neji raised his chin a bit. From the corner of his eye he exchanged a non-verbal idea to Lee, who clearly got the message.
"We'll guard you and the bride." Neji determined, "But first we need to retrieve Shikamaru. To do that you need to share with us as much information as you can."
"Okay."
"How many of them are we up against?"
"Well…" He furrowed his eyebrows, "Excluding Kim?"
"Excluding her. Unless you believe she is a threat as well." Lee clarified.
"That's an even seven."
"It isn't even considering that seven is an odd number." Neji's teeth barely parted when he spoke, aggravated, "I've checked twice, but it's unclear if you brain is fully formed."
"Don't mind him. He's got an attitude," Kiba interrupted, "So there are seven of them?"
"I've only dated eight people. Whoa, hold on. Ramo-chan makes nine…but she wouldn't hurt me." He smiled stupidly, "Just this morning we were-"
"Stop." Kiba commanded, "Before Neji kills you. Before I kill you. That'd make all of this counterproductive."
"Right."
"How skilled are they?" Lee presented a practical question.
"In what respect?" He asked defensively.
"Are they Chunin-level? Jounin?" Kiba threw words at him.
"I don't speak your language."
"You do. Selectively." Neji pointed out.
"Okay! How about this? How quickly could they kill you?" Kiba posed, "And in what way?"
"Hmm…like a second. And…a hundred ways?" Sanomune pursed his lips, "Maybe."
"Highly skilled." Lee determined.
"Seven kunoichi." Kiba sniffed.
Neji looked out a window, brooding, "And an idiot to protect."
Again, Lee was insightful, "Are you sure they came in from the top level?"
"Seventy percent sure." He nodded, "But there's also the servant's quarters, the love tunnel, the dumbwaiter, the supply stack, the stage door, and the basement." He paused and regarded Neji and Kiba who were trembling with anger, "But they came in from the roof last time."
"Maybe…in an evolutionary sense…" Kiba murmured, "He's got it coming."
"We won't get paid if we fail." Neji put it in perspective, "Now to set priorities." He turned to Sanomune, "Hide yourself and your fiancé. Give your brother warning so that he isn't captured and used as leverage. We need to get to Shikamaru."
"Yes!" Lee echoed the sentiment, "Make your staff and family aware. Guests as well."
"Fine…but…" His eyes were wide as saucers, "What about Kim?"
Kiba followed after Neji and Lee as they took off down the corridor, "Tch! Just hope she doesn't point 'em straight at you!"
Meanwhile, in a poorly lit, subterranean room…
Shikamaru's eyes batted open slowly and he yawned, 'Ah. Not bad. That was some pretty decent sleep after a night's watch…'
He sat up and bashed his head on something. Then, he immediately fell backwards again, supine.
"-the hell is this?" He murmured.
After his eyes focused Shikamaru observed that he was inside a barred, wooden crate. It was a near perfect size to fit him lengthwise, but when he tried to sit upright he would undoubtedly smack his head on the top of the container. His lips were pressed in a thin line of annoyance, 'Which one of those idiots is responsible for this? Is this some kind of practical joke?'
He glanced around without a word, noting his location. He was alone in what he guessed was an underground room, 'Basement of the castle, most likely.' It smelled damp, and the stone-lined walls and dirt floor were kind of a giveaway. Two incandescent bulbs wheezed light tiredly from both sides of the room. Some storage shelves and boxes were stacked around hither and thither. Behind the crate, Shikamaru marked the only entrance: a doorway that fed into an upward staircase. 'Basement.' He asserted.
Maybe this wasn't a joke. Maybe this was something to worry about.
"Pff. Great." He grumbled, rolling flat on his stomach. He rested his chin on the backs of his hands and took more time to think. There was nothing else to do.
He was probably moved without his team knowing. Shikamaru presumed that Neji or Kiba would have quickly noticed his absence, and, being aware that he was an avid sleeper, would have been surprised by his disappearance. They were probably looking. Or dealing with a problem. Or with the creepy housekeeping and blockhead groom.
During his relocation he hadn't noticed a thing, 'I slept right through it.' It had been done carefully and judging by his cage, purposefully.
'So someone doesn't want me around.' Shikamaru smiled to himself, 'Crafty party crashers. They planned to bust in here and make sure that shinobi couldn't interfere. And they didn't hesitate to lock me up in-' He paused to shake the crate, which was padlocked at the top, 'A pretty sturdy box. All the way down here.' He also noted in frustration that if he couldn't stand, he wouldn't have an easy time of Shadow-Binding anyone to unlock his prison. 'I'm gonna have to cook up an alternative, then.'
If he was lucky, Kiba and Akamaru would be able to track his scent…in the event Neji didn't spot him first. But it didn't seem like it was meant to be. He heard the distinct tapping footsteps of a pair of heels descending the steps. Tense, Shikamaru prepared a hand sign in the hope of snatching his visitor in a shadowy strangle-hold.
The lights snapped off and plunged the room into darkness.
He heard a woman's voice, "You're a Nara. A handsome one too." The stranger entered the room and stopped; a black silhouette in the dark…and vaguely voluptuous.
Shikamaru was mildly fascinated the intruder was aware that an absence of shadows would nullify his attempts to use jutsu. It wasn't a good thing, but it was interesting. The woman retrieved several objects from a box, stored them in a hip pouch, and then rounded on the prisoner.
"I checked the idiot's attendance records and saw that a team from Leaf was called in." She chuckled, "It might've been a problem…if I didn't plan for things ahead of time."
"Wedding crasher?" Shikamaru guessed.
"Destroyer." She corrected.
"Ninja?"
"Most definitely." She purred.
"And a jealous bitch." He added shrewdly, "You, like everyone else, have got a problem with Sanomune."
"We all do. I came with backup. How do you think I got you into that tiger crate? It took more than one person."
"This is for holding tigers?"
"I set one loose in the dining hall." She added sadistically, "I love cats."
"Oof. You are making my mission fun."
"Oh? So you like it in there?"
"Not really. I bet your 'backup' is comprised of cats or jilted women."
"Both." She was more visible as she bent down to look at him, "You could say one and the same." A small tabby prowled past the crate and rubbed against the woman's leg, "This is Gidion. He's my angel." She stood up and folded her arms, "And I am Haka. I dig graves and put people in them."
"Like stupid guys?"
"Yes. Like stupid guys who didn't seem stupid in the beginning…but then he just can't help showing it and he leaves you after promising to spend his life with you." She managed it in a single breath, "Then he marries a common woman instead. It stings. It really does. Do you know what I mean?"
Wide-eyed, he admitted, "Nope."
"He was so taken with kunoichi…and then he insults us by settling with some skinny, hair-color-changing nobody!" Her rage shook the small room, "Sano thought he could get away with it! Ha! Of course he did…he'd just hide in his big castle and throw money at his problems…"
"I hear that's how it's done." Shikamaru agreed, eyeing the sword at her hip.
She looked at him critically from over black-rimmed glasses, "Cheeky boy. The best way to deal with problems…is to take them into your own hands. He'll never learn." She scooped up Gidion, "My friends are looking for retribution as well. I trust that you and your team won't get in the way. I don't have beef with you now…but so help you…if you resist or hinder us I will cut your dick off."
He put on a good I'm-not-scared front, "Sure thing, lady. I am not going anywhere. Just leave me and mine be."
"Good." Haka turned around, "Oh, and don't expect your team to find you. I'm keeping them busy." She and her companion cat climbed the stairs, "Do you mind if I keep the lights off?"
"I'd prefer them on."
"Ha! Suck it." And she slammed a door shut on the upper level. The light switch hadn't been flipped.
"Archetypal…" Shikamaru rolled over again, "Nasty…" He kicked the lid of the box with both legs, "Scorned…" And kicked again, "Cow." He got tired and stopped. It was tiger-proof, "Ugh. It smells in here…"
He glanced around, fully accustomed to the dark. 'Ino would've slapped her in the face. Probably would've kicked that cat too…'
Shikamaru felt around the corners and bars of the crate, 'I need to find some hinges…' A rattling explosion shook from upstairs and he watched as dust pittered down from the ceiling. Screams and panic followed as castle-folk ran to safety, 'Keep it together up there, Neji! You know what you're doing.' His hand stopped on the cool metal on the corner opposite of the padlock. 'There we go.'
Poking around, the clever shinobi had thought to locate the pintle of the hinge. Since the tiger or whatever had been thrashing around in the crate so often, the joint of the door was loose. He wouldn't bother with a lock that couldn't be opened.
Shikamaru tapped, mapping the design in his head as he could not see what the outside of the container looked like. He nudged the back of a pintle, which slid easily through the pivot hold and out, plopping with a chime to the floor. Scooting back, Shikamaru worked on the second hinge, which was gummed up. It took quite a while to push the pintle free, but once it came unfastened there was nothing holding the hinge joints together.
He casually pushed up on the lid and it flopped over to the padlocked side of the box. Shikamaru stood up and brushed his clothes off, stepping out of the prison. 'I've thought longer and harder for board games than working on this great escape…'
He leapt up the stairs, flipped on the light switch and was stopped at the door. Locked. 'I could probably get out of this the same way, but…' Shikamaru crouched down and peeked through the gap between the door and the floor of the first level. As soon as he saw a pair of feet go by, he captured the person with his Shadow Bind.
A screech of terrified confusion was cut short as Shikamaru orchestrated the step towards the door. The old servant reached for the latch, turned it, and then skittered away in fright as the shinobi released his hold. Shikamaru barreled through the door and into the free air again.
Taking in his surroundings, it was clear that the resentful band of kunoichi had unleashed havoc in the palace. Staff and residents were evacuating to the eastern portion of the manor, although Shikamaru suspected it wouldn't be much safer. Traps and flash grenades had been triggered and tossed ad nauseam to scare everyone off, 'They're probably trying to flush out Sanomune and the missus…'
In an uncharacteristically swift run, Shikamaru covered the distance of the long hallway. He took a sharp left around a corner and then tripped and fell over Akamaru. The dog barked joyously.
Kiba whipped around in shock, "Holy-! You made it!"
"Yeah," Shikamaru pushed himself up, his face flattened by the floor, "Made it."
"Neji saw that they captured you! We figured we needed to rescue you after dealing with all these bombs and junk."
Shikamaru dusted himself off again, "You were taking a little long."
"There are seven kunoichi after Sanomune!" Kiba brought him up to speed as they moved on, "He and his lady friend are hiding. Not sure where his brother is…and I got separated from Neji and Lee when a wall came down."
"I spoke to one of them: scary lady in heels and glasses. Has a sword and a cat," Shikamaru replied, ducking under a toppled beam, "Let's cut through the courtyard and find-"
Kiba held out his arm, barring Shikamaru from running headlong into a barrage of senbon needles. They skidded to a stop and traded glares with their assailant. The woman strolled along the railed, second-floor walk above them, flipping chestnut hair off of her shoulder. She was done up extravagantly, maybe for the occasion.
"Back off," She sounded bored, "Haka-sama already warned you not to interfere. You people just can't take direction, can you?"
"It's kind of hard to do when directions are given to me while I'm locked in an animal cage," Shikamaru added sidelong to Kiba, "Long story."
"Luli…"
A shorter, younger woman came to stand beside the brunette: on the husky side with short, blonde pigtails and war paint on her cheeks. She added to her comrade, "They screwed up once so let's just punish them."
The woman droned, "They should do what they're told…" She rolled her neck, "Or we'll just be wasting time and energy, Roxi."
"Men are pussies who don't listen. You know that."
"Say that like we're not standing right here!" Kiba shouted up at them.
"It's true. You all have a serious lack of balls and brain matter. Sano had a major deficiency." The feisty short one bit back, "And Luli's a movie star. She knows how to take direction. You scabs can learn something from her!"
"I've got a direction for you then," Shikamaru snarked, "Stick to movies, doe-eyes! And you!" He indicated the short woman, "Your kindergarten class called. They say they're missing a toddler. Better hurry back."
After grinding her teeth at the insult, Roxi hefted a precariously large, iron-emblazoned mallet, which had initially looked like a cane for walking. Her partner dove gracefully from the walkway and hurled needles down at the Leaf ninja. They dodged in opposite directions, preparing for the inevitable melee.
While a swing of the mighty hammer came at his head, Shikamaru bent backwards, and from the corner of his eye, noticed Lee rocket past the window outside, 'Looks like he's got his own welcoming committee…'
After losing Kiba in the smoke and rubble of a wall collapse, Lee had been promptly kicked in the chest by a screeching woman. The blow had shot him through a window, shattered glass, and the kunoichi dove after him with her twin sister.
When the confusion of the ambush wore off, Neji thought it wise to go outside and help Lee, but was confronted by a third vengeful ex. She seemed to float above the ground before touching down. His skilled eyes noticed that it was in fact a wire trick, and also unnecessarily flamboyant.
"Oh look." The platinum haired, rockstar-esque woman smirked, "You must be the bride."
"No, actually," Neji was sick of jibes directed at the length of his hair, "Security."
"Are you just going to let Kata and Yana kick the shit out of your boyfriend?"
"I am debating putting you through a window. And I don't have a boyfriend."
She grinned and rode a wire back up to the next floor, "Don't worry! There's a someone for everyone. I've even had two at the same time…just make sure they don't find out."
His brain violently expunged the recommendation as he hurtled outside, pinpointing Lee's position with his blood limit. His teammate was making use of his Drunken Boxing Evasion, avoiding brutal assaults as the two kunoichi chased him along the top of a secondary roof. It seemed like they had agreed to aim for his eyebrows: a most prominent feature. They swiped and kicked like cyclones.
The twins had matching outfits, long hair (black and white) in pigtails, and furious war-cries as they attacked in unison. Neji might have called their Taijutsu impressive, but they had not successfully touched Lee once. Therefore, Lee was impressive.
Neji scaled the slope of the roof in a bound. He slipped his arm through Yana's block as Lee took a jab at her. The woman blanched in surprise as her arm lifted and exposed her ribcage plainly. Lee's timely second jab hit her. Her squeak of pain was rubber-duck like and she slid down a patch of tile. Her sister, Kata, leapt over her and shouted in aggravation. She aimed for Neji in unfair places, but it did afford her twin a moment to recuperate as Lee sprang again.
Both pairs were searching for opportunities to divide the opposing duo. Several times the twins had singled out Lee (or his eyebrows) and used combination assaults. The women swatted and struck with shocking ferocity until Neji's Jyukken strikes had all but crippled Kata. The girl bent double in pain, reached up as she fell, and grabbed a handful of Neji's hair. She tugged, upending his balance, and hurled him down into a courtyard below. Then she rolled up like a pill-bug and tried to recover in the safety of a rain gutter.
Now in a one-on-one brawl, Lee was about consider the Front Lotus as an option until a weighted wire lashed out, looping several times around his neck. He had the sense to bring his hand up and prevent a death-choke. Another wire snared his ankle, tripping him, and Lee looked up to see the rockstar woman as she left her perch, almost levitating. She had thought it prudent to keep the odds in favor of her female colleagues. Yana leapt at the chance, bringing her elbow down in a pile-driving motion. She missed Lee as he rolled down the opposite slope, and gouged a hole in a portion of roof with the blow. Lee stopped at the siding of the house lined with windows, struggling to breathe.
"Hold him still for me, Ingri!" The wrathful twin hollered, taking a stance.
The accomplice held the wire taught from above, and Lee tried to negotiate opening any of his Inner Gates while trying to oxygenate. Neither was working well. Fortunately for him, Neji's long-distance Air Palm had snapped the length of cord between Lee's neck and Ingri, freeing him. He gasped for breath and ducked as Yana's flying kick nearly had him. She soared into the house through an open window with a resounding crash.
Lee coughed and then gave a thumbs-up to his friend who was rushing up rails and timbers, "Thank you, Neji!"
Lee then jumped up the height of the inclined roof, pursuing Ingri as she retreated. The woman squealed in terror when she was cornered near the female Shachihoko motif at the edge of the building.
"Please don't hurt me!" She begged, falling to her knees in front of him, "I have three kids to provide for!"
"You do?" Lee's compassionate heart could not abide the idea of hurting a mother. He stopped.
Ingri promptly swept Lee's legs out from under him with a round kick, "Stupid ass!" He toppled off the edge, "None of us have kids!"
"Good." Neji remarked from beside her.
The lying woman drained of color. Neji had no qualms with folding her like a piece of paper with Jyukken strikes. For good measure, he planted a right hook to Ingri's face and watched as she plummeted an unsafe height down into a water feature.
Neji glimpsed over the sheer ledge of the roof, seeing that the broken length of cable knotted around Lee's leg had caught in a slot between tiles. Lee hung upside down, swinging to and fro gently. Neji reached down and caught his outstretched hand, hoisting him up, and then snapped the wire that had spared his teammate from a terrible fall. Lee appeared devastated.
"What?" Neji rumbled.
"She lied to me!" Lee threw up his arms, at the peak of offense, "My sympathy was preyed upon!"
He nearly rolled his eyes, "And a woman pulled my hair and tossed me off a roof. Those tactics are not above them." He shepherded Lee along, his Byakugan wary for booby-traps as they backtracked, "I can see Shikamaru and Kiba on the first floor. Let's go."
Neji and Lee returned to the skirmish on the first floor just in time to partake in a flashy yet unexpected victory. Kiba and his ninken (transformed) had overwhelmed the movie star; the woman was disheveled and bruised beneath a pile of plaster-and-wood rubble. Shikamaru, on the other hand, had not been faring well against the short, pudgy kunoichi. He already had a broken finger and several welts. She had nimbly avoided his shadow and tricks.
Neji held back and watched what would have been a textbook perfect "Dynamic Entry," but Lee missed. Roxi had anticipated the ambush and grabbed Shikamaru about the shoulders, spun around, and let the signature kick land squarely on Shikamaru's forehead (Forgive meee). In the same motion, the kunoichi had raised her mallet and brought it down over Lee. He rolled, slippery as an eel, and avoided the weapon while continuing his apology.
Shikamaru was out cold for three seconds before he woke up on the floor, sucking wind as he sat up.
"I am concussed." He decided.
Shikamaru blinked twice to make sure he was not imagining the skittish tiger slinking by. It was terrified of its surroundings. He confirmed with Neji in a hasty glance, seeing that the Hyuga had acknowledged the odd element in the room with a face that said: This isn't strange anymore.
While Neji and Kiba moved in to surround Lee's opponent, who was now swinging in circles, Shikamaru got his shit together. He stood up, rubbed his head, and then caught the cowering tiger in his Shadow-Bind, "We're putting you to work, Scardey-Cat!"
He turned on his heel, aiming his technique for Roxi, and Scardey-Cat lunged.
There was an ear-splitting scream as the tiger bore down on the woman, catching her face in its jaws. The mallet slipped from her hand and fell with a heavy thud to the floor. Lee covered his mouth to prevent a revolted gasp as his opponent was mauled.
When Shikamaru thought the brief but violent assault was enough for surrender, he released the tiger. It scampered away in fright and looked for something to hide under. Roxi, incapacitated, was still alive, but lay skewed on the floor. She sputtered curses. The team of Leaf shinobi regrouped.
"There will be more of them." Neji warned Shikamaru, "What is our next action?"
"We should find the idiot and Moritsune. Once we can secure their safety then we'll go to work disarming traps and…" Shikamaru frowned at the state of the castle corridor, "Cleaning all this crap up."
Kiba couldn't tell if he meant the petty kunoichi goons or the debris.
Neji's Byakugan could not spot any of their intended clients in the castle, but for better or worse, he could spot Kim. She appeared unscathed and was even dismantling traps that had not yet been tripped. He relayed this sighting and behavior to Shikamaru.
"I don't know if she's trustworthy." The team leader was hesitant.
"It may be worth inquiring that she is not an enemy, at the very least."
"Alright…" Shikamaru relented.
When they had made it to the eastern hall they caught up with the cranky maid at a castle exit. She looked over her shoulder at the team, disgruntled.
"Aren't you, like, supposed to be stopping death and destruction?" She complained, "I'm trying to keep my staff members alive. It's not my job to take down traps. You guys are shit ninja."
"Thanks." Kiba retorted, "You're a shit maid."
"No. I'm awesome. I'll clean up later. This is a six-person job, and we'll need more dustpans."
"Are you allied with the…ex-girlfriend coalition?" Neji had a hard time arranging the words, "We would like to rule you out as an antagonist."
"I hate everyone, but I would never kill anyone." Kim illuminated, "They're all idiots."
They accepted the answer and sighed in relief. It was nice to have someone on their side. The maid pushed the double doors open and gestured with her head, "Come on. My bookkeeper told me the caterer and entertainment arrived. They'll be waiting."
"Is now an appropriate time to let them in?" Lee wondered.
"Sure. They bothered showing up." She walked ahead of the team briskly, passing through castle yards and into the surrounding fortress.
From a distance they could see Moritsune leading a caterer and chefs (with a wagon of delicacies) towards a decorated building. Kim said it was the Theater Hall, "And that's where we're going."
Once inside they caught up with Moritsune, who had successfully sequestered the heedless chefs to the kitchen. He shut the door and exhaled, laying eyes on Kim and the security team, "Thank God you're all alive! I was scared the servicers would see the house and just leave!"
"I'll clean it. Promise." The maid murmured.
"The intruders were kunoichi." Shikamaru informed Moritsune, "Hence the state of your castle. Sorry. If we had known, we probably could have prevented some of the damage."
"It's alright. It's my brother's fault for not being forthcoming. Speaking of which…" The clan head hustled towards a door at the end of the lobby, "He and Ramo should be here. They already brought the musician inside!"
Kiba corrected, "You mean the rapper."
"Yes! But I don't know what that is." Moritsune repeated, entering the theater ahead of the team.
Beyond the heavy doors was a wide and spacious room, filled with tables and seats fit for a reception or gala. The grand stage was equipped with screens and a perpendicular catwalk that protruded out for ten meters. At the foot of the stage was the table at which Sanomune and his fiancé were seated. In the chair beside them sat the entertainment.
Dark skin with formidable tattoos, white, corn-rowed hair, dark sunglasses, with swords at his back…the team gradually realized, by indication of a headband, that the man was in fact a Cloud ninja. Kim assessed from beside them, "That's a sick goatee."
Shikamaru frowned at her, "The performer is another shinobi? Am I missing something?"
"He was hired as entertainment, not for security. Don't ask me. Sano's a fan."
Neji fell into step with Moritsune as he went to his brother, hoping to get to the bottom of his shenanigans. Kiba made a motion to follow but stopped. A table away from Sanomune and his company were two, blasé-looking young Cloud ninjas. They were leaned back in their seats while they stared at the ceiling. Akamaru's tail wagged.
Kiba had to stare for a moment with squinted eyes before recalling the kunoichi's name, 'That's Karui…' He wrinkled his nose, 'And her sidekick.'
He followed Lee and Shikamaru ahead towards the soon-to-be-weds, watching the familiar Kumo nin from the corner of his eye. Neither of them budged; wholly unaware of the people popping in and out of the theater.
"Sano!" Moritsune stopped in front of the table, hands on his hips, "Several shinobi infiltrated the house! If you were afraid of a threat like that why didn't you tell me?"
"Totally told you." Sanomune blinked, "And I hired a team. It's cool."
"It is not cool." Neji assured him.
Shikamaru added, "Turns out…the women who are attacking were all-"
Sanomune made a cutting motion against his throat, indicating that nothing be said. Shikamaru fell silent. A magenta haired woman sitting beside Sanomune smiled uncertainly, "Crashers got in the house?"
"Moritsune just likes to worry, you know that." He tried to play it off casually, "Detail-oriented kind of guy. The Leaf team is doing a great job. Check it out: they're all sweaty and stuff."
Ramo regarded them, "Yeah, I guess."
"You know Crash and the Boys are headlining for Killerbee tomorrow?" Sanomune added.
The woman brightened, "For real?"
"Yeah."
"I haven't seen them in ages. You're pretty thoughtful," She kissed his cheek and then turned to the rapper, "Do you mind doing another one for us, Killerbee-san?"
The man who had been sitting stock-still beside them raised his arms, gesturing while he spoke, "Straight up, pink-headed girl! Imma 'bout to spin your world!"
The woman beamed happily. A hush fell over her companions.
"This is it." Kiba poked his head through the gap between Lee and Neji, "Behold a new genre."
Lee was listening with an open mind, but Neji's face had become a sounding board of discomfiture.
Killerbee established a beat:
This real shit
That I spit
Made you want
To kick it
Your big day, gonna be sick
A triflin' rich-ass picnic
With Karui
And Omoi
Purebred ninja pedigrees
Sitting, stanking, they hate it here
But kids I thought I made it clear
I came back to rip y'all some rhymes
Never gonna waste your time
Def 'gon fill 'yo theater pits
And teach some whiny ni-ta-wits
Killerbee stopped and glared his students, "One day ain't gonna kill you."
"This is completely stupid." Omoi hissed in response, crunching down on a lollipop. He tipped back his chair and it slipped, dumping him to the floor. He laid there unmoving.
Karui frowned down at her teammate, "Have some dignity. This is a wedding."
"Weddings are stupid."
"Generally, they're not." She sighed, "But this one is."
"Yo, Karui," Killerbee pointed a flattened hand at her, "Sit his ass up."
She glanced over her shoulder with narrowed eyes, "I think Omoi wants to stay down there…where no one can see him."
"We're guests! So sit 'em up!"
Karui blinked, seeing Kiba among the additional people gathered around her sensei's table. She immediately recognized him. She pulled Omoi's chair upright and murmured, "The escaped Inuzuka is here…"
"What?" He peeked over at the other side of the room, "You sure?"
"Positive," She reported, patting Akamaru's head in her lap, "This dog just appeared. And I'm pretty sure I remember it."
"Yeah…you're right." Omoi reached over and mussed Akamaru's head, "Hey boy. You're that friendly dog, huh?"
Akamaru's tail wagged with enough force to wobble his entire backside.
Killerbee continued rapping for the enchanted couple. Shikamaru, Lee, and Moritsune didn't seem to mind it much, and Lee had likened it to "very original poetry." Kim had drifted towards the stage to look for microphones.
Neji stood in chagrinned silence, feeling as though he was trapped in a waking nightmare.
Kiba had only been paying half-attention to the performance, as he had turned to face Karui when the kunoichi coolly made her way over to him. She stopped beside him and folded her arms, "Long time no see."
His smile was wolfish, "Hey, Karui."
Shikamaru's ear discreetly tuned in to the unexpected conversation behind him, 'No way! They're acquaintances?'
"You remembered my name," She looked pleased, "Sorry. I don't remember yours."
"Kiba," He reminded her, "But you called me dog-breath."
"Oh yeah."
"So you're here for the wedding?"
"Our sensei was hired to entertain." She sulked, "But he dragged me and Omoi along. He said he wanted us to get out and trip more."
"Well it looks like he picked a good location," Kiba's eyebrows rose cheekily, "You found me."
"I wasn't actually looking."
"Sorry if my escape caused you any inconvenience."
"Nah. I got over it," Her face was coy, "This is better timing now. My sword's been fixed."
Shikamaru nudged Lee, muttering, "Something weird is happening."
Accordingly, Lee and Neji gave their unnoticeable attention to Kiba and his red-haired confrère, feigning interest in the bizarre lyrical routine in front of them. It was a rare thing to get any kind of non-violent interaction from a kunoichi, at least these days.
"Oh, so you want a rematch?" Kiba teased.
"I've thought about it." Karui smirked and rolled her shoulders, conveying the sword at her back.
"That means you thought about me."
Her cheeks reddened but she was steadfast, "In the way that involves cutting your dog-face, I have."
"It's Kiba."
"I got that already."
"I thought about you too." He conceded, leveling the field.
"What do you want? A trophy?"
With nothing to lose, Kiba went for it, "How about another opportunity?"
Their tête-à-tête was in the background of the conversation going on between Kiba's teammates.
"He is…quite self-assured." Lee whispered to his teammate, "I would never be confident enough to speak to a beautiful woman!"
"You might find they're trouble later on." Neji opined, "Look at the position we're in: seven women after the blood of one man."
"Neji, you're not one to talk about troublesome women. That's my gig." Shikamaru replied quietly, "Sheesh! And your woman is trustworthy and loyal. You have no idea what trouble is. Don't preach."
Lee amended with a pointed finger, "Tenten is not an object, Shikamaru. We have discussed-"
"Shaddap!"
Meanwhile, in Neji's head, he had received a weird, unanticipated boost of elation that Tenten was indeed a faithful partner…and other men were picking up on it. Not to say that he had any official stake in Tenten's heart, as far as he knew. It was nonetheless a good feeling.
All pleasantries were disrupted by an incoming fireball.
It soared across the room, scattering Shikamaru's team and the Cloud students. Killerbee remained contently seated while Sanomune ducked under the table, coaxing his confused fiancé down with him.
Two kunoichi that the Leaf ninja had not yet encountered had appeared in a puff of smoke. Shikamaru, for one, had spoken to Haka in the dark, but was surprised by her immodest appearance in the light of day. 'Way too much cleavage…' And next to the ringleader was a scowling, dark-skinned woman with black rings around her eyes, 'Kind of like Gaara. Huh. I wonder if Gaara does his with eyeliner?'
"Matti, look!" Haka was tittering with laughter, "They invited a circus for the wedding! How about that?"
"Too bad we weren't invited." The dark woman gnashed her teeth.
Shikamaru confronted them, "Exes don't get that privilege, besides; you brought the circus. Why don't you pack it up and scram?"
"You've got a mouth on you." The leader smiled, "But we're not leaving without exacting the payback we deserve, Nara."
Abruptly, Omoi, Lee, and Neji had been pounced upon by replications. Kiba had darted back after snatching up Karui, sparing her from a swipe by one of Matti's clones. While evading, Neji took a reading with his Byakugan, 'Fire Clones, like the technique that Sato uses. These won't last long…'
Before a Fire Clone could grab Moritsune and use him for leverage, Lee had kicked the bunshin squarely in the back of the head, dispelling it with a burst of flame. He carried the Lord of the Oga to the table his brother was taking shelter under. Lee returned to the fracas as Kiba and Karui, in attempts to impress each other, swatted and smashed incoming clones.
Neji and Shikamaru were having difficulties with Haka, who was keeping them at sword's length. Omoi had come up from behind her to assist, parrying her swordstrike, trying to position her for the Leaf ninja. Shikamaru's shadow had pitifully missed several times, and Neji had nearly taken Omoi's head off with an Air Palm he had stepped in the way of. The woman laughed at their frantic cooperation and tossed a food pill to her cat, Gidion.
The tabby growled, his fur standing on end as his chakra soared, and Haka used seals to transform the feline into a Beast Copy of herself. Kiba was mildly outraged by the stunt, and hurriedly followed suit with Akamaru. He and Neji traded adversaries, and Lee found that Neji was more suitable in the clash with Matti, whose use of Fire Jutsu and clones was tearing the dining room apart.
Surrounded, Haka substituted when her enemies leapt for her. She wheeled away with impressive flips before settling on the stage, snickering, "You kids kind of made this fun…"
"Wah!" Sanomune screamed as he was dragged out from under the table by a wire. Ingri had returned, worse for the wear, and reeled him in from her position behind a screen. All of the other jilted women descended from various balconies and windows of the building, surrounding the united forces of Leaf and Cloud.
The groom was hoisted up so Haka could catch his chin and squeeze his face threateningly, "You know what I'm going to do, Sano?"
"Apologize?" He replied through fish lips.
She shoved him, pushing him down to the polished wood of the stage. Haka brandished her Ninjato sword, "I'm going to cut your dick off."
"I need that." He protested, "Please! Just leave everyone alone!"
"Why should I? You obviously don't know how to leave people alone; you've passed through the hands of eight women and rubbed salt in our wounds!"
"Nine, actually."
"The truth is…" She stomped on his stomach with a pointed heel, pinning him, "I want to kill everyone here. Your Leaf pals, your pink-haired whore, the entertainment…even the caterers. I want you to watch them die after I neuter you."
His eyes were wide, "You bitch."
"You're the bitch! You shouldn't have forsaken me-!" Her words trailed off.
In the span of a moment, tentacles had grown out from Killerbee's back and wrapped around the unsuspecting, would-be-avenged kunoichi. The women screamed in unison.
Killerbee continued to sit with his arms folded, "Bitter ladies need to cool it, fool ya fools!"
An eighth tentacle freed Sanomune from his hog-tie, and the groom was able to scamper back to his Leaf guards. The captured women struggled in a panic when Killerbee stood, toting the prisoners along. Haka whistled for her transformed cat to come to the rescue, but the Cloud ninja brushed it aside when it came bounding. The cat hit a wall, released its transformation, and then slid down into a trash bin.
"Gidion!" She began kicking in a rage, "Let go of me you freak! You're like some kind of porn monster!"
"That's just low…" The man replied, "But you should know…"
Eight Tails, that's me
Da rappin' Killerbee!
Makin' beats and rhymes
And makin' 'em live
It's what a Jinchuriki needs
To survive
A Tailed Beast resides
In my hide
Step aside
And prepare to be petrified
Cause it's hard out there for a Jinchuriki
When you're fightin' and recitin' and your rhymes are freaky!
My vanquished foes do the dance of defeat
And we celebrate my win with these ice cold beats!
He whirled the howling kunoichi around in a vortex, a few vomited from the spin, and he tossed them like ragdolls. They rocketed across the room and crashed into the screens of the stage, knocking the set over.
A moment later, Kim poked her head out of a stage door, looking around curiously. She noticed the pile of defeated kunoichi to her left, "Oh. I missed something." She turned and called for backup and several other janitors joined her in extricating the unconscious women, "Get this cleaned up. Watch out for that puke on the floor…"
Sanomune hugged one of Killerbee's beefy arms, not afraid of the receding tentacles in the slightest, "You're like my actual hero! I loved your music, but now I really love you."
"I'm dope." Killerbee agreed.
Shikamaru was assessing the abrupt and single-handed (or eight-tentacled) defeat of the party crashers. He gave a suspicious look to Karui and Omoi, "So…about what your sensei said before…is he really a jinchuriki?"
"He really is." Omoi confirmed.
"He's the Eight-Tail's container. He also thinks he's a superstar." Karui added, "Sensei is skilled and we trust him with our lives…but he never shuts up."
"Ah! The octopus arms that emerged from his body…" Lee was astute, "That was the Hachibi?"
"Yeah. They're buds." Omoi unwrapped another lollipop, "Not every jinchuriki is on good terms with their Tailed Beast, but Sensei made it work. He's one of the strongest shinobi in our village."
"Good to know." Shikamaru yielded, "He saved the idiot's wedding."
Moritsune arose from beneath the table and dusted his robes off. He crossed over to Shikamaru's team and also gave a grateful look to the Cloud ninja, "I would like to thank all of you! My brother would have been maimed if you hadn't intervened!"
"Just doing our duty." Shikamaru shrugged, adding, "But you may want to give us a little extra for our trouble."
Moritsune nodded, "I can accommodate that. Well! We have to get on with the rehearsal now…so would you mind helping us set these tables and chairs back up?"
"We're not getting paid." Karui nagged, motioning for Omoi to follow her, "Count us out." She located an intact table to relax at.
While Sanomune and his intended were still preoccupied with Killerbee's lyrics, Shikamaru and his teammates reluctantly cooperated in restoring the theater hall. A few times, the team leader caught Kiba glancing back at the red-haired kunoichi who had refused to help. Shikamaru flicked his ear.
"Hey!"
"Quit making eyes at her, Kiba."
"I wasn't making eyes at anyone, you grouch."
"We don't have time to mingle. We need to finish the security detail and get out of this hellhole."
"I know that. Jeez! Don't get annoyed just because I have game." He grinned mischievously. Kiba had moved over to the next row of dismantled furniture to work on his own, where, as luck would have it, Karui was watching him with a carefree expression.
Peeved, Shikamaru set up a chair and took a seat, reasserting his usual lazy-mode. He sighed, "I need a break. His ego just exhausted me."
"You deserve a rest, Shikamaru." Lee assured him, and then his voice lowered, "But what is game? Is that like rap?"
The next day, correspondence had been sent by messenger hawk from the Oga residence to the attention of the Hokage. Tsunade opened the scroll in amusement, supposing that Shikamaru had something to tell her before coming home.
Hokage-sama,
Nara Shikamaru, checking in. It might be worth mentioning that we arrived at the Oga homestead and were quickly attacked by a group of seven kunoichi. They wanted to get back at Oga Sanomune for rejecting them. Needless to say, we had our hands full.
The rapper hired to entertain the bride and groom happened to be the Eight-Tails jinchuriki from the Cloud Village. He also easily neutralized the threat. Don't get me wrong, we deserve some credit for the work we did. Neji, Lee, and Kiba made a great team. Regarding the Hachibi, I have never encountered a jinchuriki as far as I know, but this shinobi from Kumogakure made a good impression on us. I could have done without the rapping though. It may be worth staying on Cloud's good side, whenever possible.
Unfortunately, we were asked to stay an extra day to participate in the wedding. Sanomune thinks we're friends now. If Neji turns up in your office all by himself it's probably because he couldn't stand the awful music they're playing here. He looks about ready to run for it. Lee and Kiba are happy, otherwise.
Consider this mission a success. On that note, I'd like to request a day off this week. Can you mark me down?
Tsunade finished the message and snickered, "Sure! I'll let you have a personal day. But then I have every intention of assigning you as a proctor for the Chunin Exam."
She set the scroll aside and stretched, cracking her back. The door to her office opened after a single knock, and she frowned at her visitor, "You're late, Tenzo."
"Forgive me, Hokage-sama. The team briefing at HQ ran long."
Tsunade stood, skirted around her desk and then exited the office, inclining her head so that the ANBU agent would follow, "We shouldn't be wasting any time right now. I had some of the veterans keep an eye on Root for the past few days. We have a bit of a problem. Keep up!"
Tenzo kept pace with her down the hallway, "A problem?"
"Danzo recently donated a subordinate of his to fill in the gap on Maito Gai's team. His name was Sai." Tsunade explained, "And Hyuga Neji informed me that Sai hesitated to obey orders to exchange them for an armistice. Since the failure of that endeavor, which I was not alerted to…" She grimaced, "That shinobi has been held in some rather inhumane conditions."
"The veterans reported on it?"
"They did. I had concerns that mistreatment continues in Root these days, even after the Third's reforms." Tsunade hurried down the stairwell, "At the very least, I intend to call Danzo out on his unauthorized instructions…and I want to pick up a few things."
"I see. Do you intend to visit the Root command center now? I can arrange guards."
Tsunade smiled, "You will suffice. We'll be meeting up with Kakashi along the way as well." She pushed through a back door and left the building with Tenzo at her heels, "Take that mask off for now. Danzo may think twice about crossing me after he sees your faces."
Note:
In the event that the Bryan Lee O'Malley references went in one ear and out the other…reading his famous series could illuminate the gags in this chapter for you. And if you've read it already, then I am totally stoked that maybe you got some of it! The next episode will pick up with heavy-duty, serious confrontations and training scenes with characters we haven't seen in a while.
Good reader…
Please share your thoughts and review. You have my sincerest thanks.
Chapter 24: How to go Home
Bonus Soundtrack: "Another Winter" by Anamanaguchi