Disclaimer: I do not own Boku No Hero Academia.
CHAPTER VII – I AM HERE
The villain hospital was unexpectedly dull, darker than hospitals All Might had seen, but still sterile, quiet and really nothing out of the norm. Most of its patients didn't stay long enough to get such a good look at it as he did. As soon as they felt well again, they were put (back) into prison. Tomura was not going to be an exception.
He was asleep, two gunshot wounds healing beneath the bandages, one on his right arm, the other on his left shoulder. There was also a bandage around his head, which covered the stitched-up forehead wound, as well as some band-aids on his cheeks and arms. He was sweating heavily, his body heating itself in a fever to fight of the infections of his injuries. His wrists were tied to the sides of the bed with multiple zip ties, as were his ankles. Dangerous tools, zip ties only tightened, but the doctors and nurses in here could not afford to show any mercy; it could cost them their job if they sympathised with their patients, all of them criminals or villains.
It must have been a hard job, having to treat someone who was ready to at best just rob you, at worst kill you in your sleep. But that's what made a civilized society, and like police women and men, these doctors and nurses deserved praise for what they did.
"Don't..please.", Tomura's breath quickened. That's when he was dreaming.
He was already on his third dream – or rather nightmare –, occasionally moaning something about his father not to hurt him.
The former hero sat at the villain's side, his elbows resting on his knees and his face buried in his hands. He was exhausted and craved the sleep that didn't come to him. The clock on his phone told him that less than two minutes had passed since the last time he'd checked it, making it now 3:56am on a Saturday morning. His visit with Tomura at Tartarus had been only eighteen hours ago and he still remembered the moment he had walked into the cell after talking with the doctor.
18 hours earlier
"Is it any good?", All Might asked when he entered the cell and found Tomura reading one of the books he had brought him. The former leader of the League of Villains was lying on the floor, holding the book over his head in what looked like the most uncomfortable reading position All Might had ever seen. Tomura ignored him, instead finishing the page he was currently at, then placing the item next to him, sitting up and leaning his back against the wall. Father was placed over his face again and All Might couldn't help but feel disappointed about it, although he knew that it meant that Tomura had been behaving. Neither the guard nor the doctor outside had mentioned that the prisoner had gotten back his favourite item.
"You're late.", Tomura accused him and folded his arms like a spoiled child. There was no trace of the anxiety he had been giving off the last time. With Father on, he seemed to fall back into his villain-leader-role.
Well, at least he greeted me. More or less.
"I was..occupied.", All Might tried to explain without giving anything away, hoping they could leave it at that.
"The doctor talked to you, didn't she?", Tomura of course did not leave it at that. He was playing with the laces of his shoes while he asked that and All Might felt annoyed and amused at the same time. His voice sounded arrogant and cunning but genuinely curious at the same time – only Tomura managed to speak in such mixed emotions.
"You know I'm not allowed to answer that.", he told him what the kid should have already known and his eyes fell onto the book placed at his side, "So, is it worth reading? It was recommended to me, I wouldn't know."
The young man just shrugged, still looking at his red shoes. All Might nervously stepped from one foot to the other before forcing himself to sit down, debating on whether he really should break the rules regarding All for One.
I need to confront him on this. I will have to do it eventually, why not now?
"I visited All for One today.", he just got right to the topic and Tomura's eyes shot up, looking at him as what All Might had described as pure adoration. He whispered something the man couldn't make out and there was a shimmer in Tomura's orbs he had never seen before.
"We talked about you, about your father and-"
"Shut up.", Tomura interrupted him and bared his teeth behind the hand covering his face. Where there had been adoration, was now anger and rejection. Realizing that All Might read his face, he looked away again and hid the rest of it behind the hair. The former number one cursed himself for that third slip-up this day and took a deep breath before continuing. He needed to fix this immediately.
"I'm sorry, young Tenko.", he sincerely regretted mentioning that particular subject, hoping that Tomura would accept his apology.
"Stop calling me that.", Tomura snapped and sank his fingertips into the sensitive flesh of scarred arms.
"Come again?", All Might asked and frowned. Tomura didn't even hide that he was annoyed having to repeat what he just said.
"You know what I said. Don't call me.. that name.", he growled into his father and sounded almost like an animal doing that.
All Might passed his hand through his hair: "Alright, back to Tomura, I guess? You call me Toshinori then."
He tried to find a mutual agreement, but Tomura just stayed silent, fidgeting nervously with his finger, trying to dig them into his arms, then realizing that it didn't cause the wished result, going back to his laces, getting bored and trying to dig them into his skin again.
"I shouldn't have mentioned that. Let's just talk about something else, alright?", he really wished he had just followed the rules, because the climate in the cell was feeling like it was already going in a wrong direction.
His feeling proved him right.
"Yeah, of course! Just say it, All Might! Speak what's on your mind!", Tomura snapped at him and his eyes burned, the red in his orbs matching the chucks All Might had gifted him more than ever, "Just say what you gotta say!"
"Shigaraki, calm down.", Tomura flinched at the guard's voice echoing through the room. Tired of digging his short nails into the thick skin of his arms, his hands shot up to scratch his neck. That didn't seem to work either, because he went straight to pulling his hair.
"Tenk-..Tomura, stop it!", All Might ordered him, because he knew that if he didn't, this visit would be over before it had even begun. But Tomura had him completely shut out. He went on to pull at the sensitive skin around his eyes and making father fall of his face in the process, damaging his own face and when All Might couldn't watch it any longer, he shot forwards, taking Tomura's wrists, one in each of his hands. The young man seemed shocked by that action and for a moment, he just stared in disbelief though he promptly regained himself, ripping his wrists out of the hero's hold, and then pushing the skinny blonde figure to the ground. Tomura's eyes erupted into a fire. Nana's grandson jumped up, buried his knee into the hero's stomach and made him defenceless holding his arms down. ShigarakiTomura was hovering over him like a wild animal, read to tear him into a thousand pieces and the symbol of peace knew for sure, had Tomura not been wearing those gauntlets at that moment, that the kid would have killed him.
How many times had Tomura tried to kill him by now? Twice?
Even if what was happening right now was just a reflex because All Might had just taken his hands, the part of his body Tomura used his quirk with, how many times had the young man at least expressed the wish to murder him?
All Might remembered the conversation he had just had with the doctor in front of Tomura'scell:"Why would Tomura stab you?"
His own stupid words.
Wasn't that obvious? Because he is a he is a villain. Someone who wanted to hurt society for the sake of doing it. Because he takes enjoyment out of it, because he was way past any sanity.
Unlike his comrades, Tomura did only ever pretend to have idealistic goals.
"I think that you hate me because I couldn't save you from your fall."
A fall too deep for All Might to reach. Dark like a new moon's night, dark like the loneliest ocean and Tomura was the anchor in it. An anchor relentlessly sinking, reaching for the bottom that never came. An anchor, that was too heavy for All Might alone to bring back to the surface.
Forgive me, Nana. I'm trying, but whenever I think that I've made some progress, I fall back again. It seems as if I really can't save anyone.
For a moment, All Might felt far away.
"Be proud, Toshinori."
Proud of what? He felt like he hadn't managed a single thing since Nana died.
"I KILLED HIM! I MURDERED HIM IN COLD BLOOD!", Tomura yelled directly into All Might's panicked face, pulling the man back to reality. The younger man's lips were formed into a smile so wide it hurt to look at. All for One's protégé giggled, his voice becoming high-pitched and reminding him of the day him and Kurogiri attacked U.A.
"They never wanted me! And now I don't need them! I don't need you!", he let go of All Might's arms, reaching for his neck.
An opening for All Might to fight back, and he took it, tossing Tomura off him. All Might then remembered his first visit, where he couldn't stand up against the villain. Had he become so much weaker in those few weeks? No. All Might had fought too many battles to know that Tomura didn't actually care to have the upper hand. He knew he didn't stand a chance, at the very last when the guards entered, he just fought for entertainment. His giggling didn't stop when he fell onto his back and he didn't try to fight it, when All Might stepped onto his arms, holding him down with his own lightweight.
"What are you saying? Why wouldn't I want you!? How many times have I told you that I care about you!"
To All Might's surprise, the giggling stopped and Tomura's laugh quieted down. Silence prevailed for a few seconds and All Might searched for the right words to interrupt it and to make his master's relative finally understand, but it was Tomura to eventually break the overwhelming quietness. His voice was calm when he spoke, but what he was about to say shook All Might to the very core.
"Then why couldn't you save me?"
...
...
The world around All Might was shut out. He didn't register the guards coming in, neither did he hear Tomura screaming and struggling, nor did he realize that he was being guided outside of the high security prison. He didn't even register getting into the rented car.
"Then why couldn't you save me?"
'This all never would have happened, if you would have just saved me.' – was what he had basically just said.
He blames me for all the things he was forced to do.
He blames me for not being able to ever live a normal life.
It's all my fault.
"This is your fault!" – Tomura's words he had already thrown at All Might on the first visit.
He had blamed himself for what had happened to Tomura, but not solely. To Tomura however, there was only him to blame. Of course.
Why would he blame All for One, the man who had saved him?
It's all my fault.
Present
After All Might had regained himself more or less, he had left the island of Tartarus. He didn't even remember what he did back home, only that he received a call from his notary, informing him that Tomura had been brought into the villain hospital on the mainland.
Apparently, had had somehow been able to break the syringes the guards had tried giving him to calm him down, as well as broken one guard's arm and another one's jawbone. Panicking and seeing no other solution, one of them shot him twice. Tomura was then violently thrown to the ground, where had probably gotten that injury on his forehead from.
All Might's notary had also informed him, that this was Tomura's very last possibility for rehabilitation.
"If he misbehaves once again, they are going to strip him to a chair forever. He will lose all the humanity he has left."
A shiver went down All Might's spine just thinking about it. There was still a chance.
Don't give up.
All Might checked the clock again: 4:05am. He remembered checking six more times before he finally dozed off. It was a good and deep sleep, something he had needed after this accumulation of tiredness. So while his body still hurt after sleeping on a chair, his mind felt rested.
When the man slowly opened his eyes, he expected to see Tomura still asleep.
Instead the lad was awake and a red blush graced his cheekbones, still showing the fever he had. And Tomura was crying.
Tears were running down his wrinkly tempes and he sobbed very quietly, almost inaudible, becoming a child again in All Might's eyes. His vision looked blurry.
All Might cleared his throat and Tomura's eyes shot towards him, that blurriness vanishing instantly.
When he realized that All Might was awake, he turned his head to the other side, trying to hide from his gaze and wiping the tears onto the bed's sheets. He also pulled at his restraints, but all he managed to do was to cut into the skin at his wrists and ankles. Tomura was stronger than he looked, but in this state, his physical strength would be the least of their concerns.
"Tomura."
"What do you want from me?!", he hissed between his teeth and seemed to regret that his voice sounded this pathetic. The boy immediately bit his lip so hard, it started to bleed. No doubt he was forcing himself to stop tearing up, obviously failing miserably.
"You better listen to what I have to say right now.", All Might tried to speak calmly but authoritative. The topic was serious and could decide the rest of Tomura's life, whether he would ever see the blue sky again or spend his time stripped in a chair.
"They're fed up with you, all of them.", it was blunt but true. There was no reason to beat around the bush.
"Like they were not before all of this.", he said and grinned, still taking it all as a joke. Tomura was sad to look at, with his crude smile and the wet, red eyes.
His wide smirk disappeared, when he saw that All Might kept a straight face.
"I mean it: Whatever you do from now on, be it only to scream at one of the guards, will take away the last of the freedom you've enjoyed until now. They're not joking."
Tomura closed his eyes as if it could shut out the truth while blood dripped from his lip down to his chin. All Might stood up and walked up to the table next to Tomura's bed, taking one of the paper tissues placed there.
"Will you stay still so I can wipe that off?", he asked and awaited Tomura's reaction. The young villain opened his eyes again and looked up at him. He didn't answer, just extended his jaw and All Might slowly took a hold of his face and carefully patted the blood away. He expected his skin to be dry and rough, and it definitely was around his eyes were his thumb rested, but the rest of it was surprisingly smooth.
"That wasn't so bad now, was it?", he asked and threw the used tissue away, sitting back onto his chair, but Tomura had his face the other way again. He sighed: "I will never hurt you, Tomura."
"Why mention him then?", the villain accused him, still looking away and talking toward the wall.
"All for One?", All Might asked and was met with a shake of the head.
"I see.", he whispered, understanding that Tomura was talking about his father, "I didn't mention him for the purpose of talking about it. I actually had made up my mind not to ever touch on that subject unless you wanted me to."
"Lies!", the younger one yelled and pulled at the restraints again, hurting himself more in the process. How did he still have the energy to fight after being shot twice?
A new wave of tears flushed his eyes and there was no denying it anymore, that Shigaraki Tomura was sobbing like child.
"I hate..you!", his words felt genuine and it still pierced All Might's heart to hear them, but he understood now. He stood up and walked back to the table next to the villain's bed, taking two of the plastic cups and filling them up with water of the sink at the other side of the room. While doing that, he could feel Tomura's eyes following him everywhere. Turning around, Tomura turned his head again.
All Might sighed and walked back to the side of his bed, where he held the cup in front of the restrained figure's face. Tomura looked up from the corners of his eyes and grit his teeth.
"It's alright, hate me all you want if it makes you feel any better,", he said and Tomura turned around to look at him, "because I still want to carry this burden with you. It depends on whether you let me."
Tomura was confused and All Might was sure he was frowning, although he couldn't really say, since half of his head was in a bandage.
"Why? Why won't you just let me rot in here?", he demanded to know and the former number one wasn't surprised to hear that. To Tomura, none of this made sense. Why would the one who hadn't come to save him, want to help him now? Why was this man, the man he had learned to hate the most, standing here trying to reach through to him? Was all he had learned from All for One been so wrong?
"I thought it was because of Nana. But it's more: I wasn't there when you needed me."
You already know that not everything All for One had taught you was the truth, young Tomura. You can keep denying it and letting your fears get the better of you, or you can face the hard truth.. and start to live again.
Tomura then raised his head as high as he could and All Might reached down to support it at his neck. His long hair felt soft like feathers in in the former hero's hand. He slowly put the cup to Tomura's lips, letting him drink until it was empty, then went on to empty his own. The young villain turned his head after that, a streak of pinkish-red flowing his cheeks. that didn't look like it came from the fever. All Might ignored it; he had already assumed that even such simple things as helping someone drink would be highly intimate for the young man. Tomura didn't let himself get touched by anyone (except for his master).
All for One's apprentice fell back asleep soon after that. He didn't wake up even when the nurses came to check in on him. Around lunch time, All Might was asked leave.
He stood up and gently brushed away the strains of hair hanging into Tomura's face. Even at the foreign touch, Tomura was in such a deep slumber that he didn't reacht.
"It's alright now, I am here."