Welp, that's all, folks.
Thanks for reading, and I am SO relieved Edward's vulgar mouth was not a turn off. lol
One year later...
"What about this one?"
Carlisle points through the glass at a fucking rock the size of both my nuts put together - in other words, huge - and I shake my head.
Lovebird would throw me off the balcony if I proposed to her with that fucking thing.
"Do I really gotta get down on one knee…" I say, moving down the glass case, searching for something that says I'm gonna marry the fuck out of you now please blow me. I mean that in the most romantic way, and fuck it, my little birdie would expect nothing less than that shit.
She loves me for who I am - one horny, lovebird obsessed motherfucker.
"...fuck the norm," I say and Carlisle cringes when the older lady gasps. I grin and tap the glass. "That one."
"Really?" Carlisle asks.
"Yes. That's the one." I cross my arms and watch the woman pull the ring out.
"This is just a band, sir."
Sir? I'm no sir. Maybe Sir Dicksalot - you know, like dicking down my birdie a lot - but other than that, no thank you.
Now, Carlisle here, he could be a fucking sir.
"You need an engagement ring…"
"Just that one. She won't want one of those flashy fucking things. Just the band."
She nods and turns the ring toward us, and fuck yeah, that vintage shit is perfect for lovebird.
"How much is it?"
Not that price matters.
"Final total will be 1,698 dollars."
Say what?
Carlisle chuckles, and I pick up my jaw from the fucking floor.
"Alright, cool," I say, nodding, sweating, hoping like fuck my card doesn't get declined. "Ring that baby up. How many diamonds are in that thing anyway?"
"It looks like...73."
Carlisle whistles, and all I can think about is how birdie's gonna fit 73 blowjobs into one night after accepting that beautiful thing. We might have to spread them out through the week. The month, maybe. Fuck, probably the year.
Better pick up some chapstick on the way home.
"So, let me know how it goes," Carlisle says when we step outside the store.
He's a good fucking guy.
An alright pops.
The dad I never had.
"Yeah, I'll text you later. Well, maybe tomorrow. We'll be celebrating all night if I have anything to say about it."
And, I do.
Have anything to say about it.
Lovebird's gonna say yes, and then she's gonna beg me to fuck her all fucking night long.
In the bed.
Against the wall.
Bent over the balcony.
In the shower.
All over the goddamn place.
Add in the blowjobs, and Lovebird's gonna be fucked three ways from Sunday.
I'm probably going to need some nutt butter or some shit with all the friction that'll be going on.
So fucking worth it.
Carlisle pats my back before getting in his car and pulling away from the curb, heading back to Tucson.
Now to figure out how I'm going to do this shit. The getting down on one knee thing isn't me. Birdie would probably fucking laugh at me anyway then I'd have to spank her and then I'd get distracted because she'd be all fucking wet and my dick would be hard and we'd have to do something about it and the whole proposal would be ruined.
Actually seems like a good time, though.
Maybe I'll strategically place it on the tip of my dick and when she starts the dick sucking she'll see it. Or choke on it. Fuck, bad idea.
I'll think of something a little less dangerous. I'm sure I can pull it off. It'll be easy. She'll say yes. I mean, I fucking hope she says yes. How could she say no anyway? Fuck, what if she does say no?
I try not to beg when it comes to lovebird. She takes that shit too seriously, thinking she's got me by the balls or something, but if she says no, I might have to give in.
How fucking pathetic.
There's no way she'll say no. She loves my dick and me too much to give it up. There's nothing to worry about.
She'll say yes.
Pulling up to our apartment complex, I grab the ring box and try not to hyperventilate when I spot Lovebird's car.
Stop acting like a nervous little bitch, you pussy eating God. You've got this shit!
Climbing the two flights of stairs, I let myself in and don't see Birdie anywhere. She doesn't live here. Don't ask me fucking why. She's here every damn night, riding my dick, cuddling my ass but won't move in. 73 diamonds better change that shit. Call me sentimental but I want to see her shit thrown all over the place - my briefs and her panties tangled together on the floor and shit.
After dabbing my sweaty face with a towel, I head out to the balcony to wait for my future wifebird.
I spot Jacob across the courtyard doing some type of shirtless yoga, and I roll my eyes. It was one time, dude, move the fuck along. And here I thought I was the pathetic one. Bitch.
Bella's door slides open, and my balls crawl their way into my stomach and hide. I haven't smoked a cigarette in a year, but I could really use one right now. This shit is stressful as fuck.
"Hey, lovebird," I say, watching her climb the wall before climbing on my lap. She may be a sassy ballbuster, but she's also a cuddly little thing. The combination is a real fucking turn on. I'm already getting hard and thinking of creative ways to show Jacob who the fucking man is.
Me.
I'm the fucking man with a sweet pussy on my lap. Take your desperation elsewhere.
"How's Carlisle?" She asks, running her hands through my hair, giving off fuck me vibes.
Hold your horses, birdie.
"Good. Still not as good looking as me."
"So better then?" She kisses my cheek.
I see I've got sweet and sour tonight. I bet she tastes fucking delicious.
"Sure, lovebird…"
Just ask her. Do it now when she's all warm and melty. Put it on her finger and demand she get on her knees and be your wife.
"...I have something for you."
She lifts her head. "Dinner?"
"What? Fuck. No, not dinner."
Shit. Why the fuck am I so nervous?
"Well what then?"
Okay, calm your fucking shit and get the ring out and slip it on her finger. That shit's cake. No biggie, you stupid fuckface.
I wiggle my hand into my pocket, keeping hold of Bella, and I honest as shit feel like my asshole is sweating. Thank God I'm not into ass play. I mean, I play with birdie's ass, she just doesn't play with mine.
Is it not good enough for her?
Oh, fuck, shut up!
I don't even want my ass played with.
"So, I got you…"
"What the fuck is that?" She rudely interrupts me, her eyes on the box in my hand.
Fuck, she's gonna say no.
"Why?"
"What?"
"Why are you asking?"
"You said it was for me," she says, pulling the hairs at the back of my head.
"Hey, that hurts, birdie. Fuck," I say, tilting my head away. "It is for you."
"Is it a brooch?"
"What the fuck is a brooch?"
"I don't know," she says, looking all panicked and shit.
What.
The.
Fuck.
She's goddamn brokebird right now. What was I motherfucking thinking doing this shit. Should have just kept fucking that sweet pussy for as long as I could before she got tired of me. She's gonna leave me high and fucking dry.
Fuck, you can't trust women…
"Edward," she says, slapping my cheek. "Is it what I think it is?"
"That depends. What the fuck do you think it is?"
I should have just gotten down on one goddamn knee. Point blank. One knee. A ring. Can't fucking confuse that shit.
"Are you going to ask me to marry you, McBaby?"
I shrug and act like my heart is still beating normally. Clearing my throat, I shrug again. "Are you going to say no if I do? Cause if so, then no it's not a ring, it's a motherfucking brooch."
She snorts, and I want to hold her down and punish her with my dick.
"Show me it."
"Don't tell me what to fucking do," I say, acting like a stubborn asshole, but fuck, man, she's got me all riled up. This was supposed to be easy. Put the 73 diamonds on her finger, kiss the fuck out of her, and then shove my cock down her throat. What's the goddamn problem here?
She smiles and rubs her lips all over my cheek like she can make up for this shit. "You ruined my fucking proposal," I say, leaning into her precious dick suckers.
"It was a shock, that's all. Don't be a baby. I want to see it."
"Say please."
"Please, McBaby," she says, all seductive and shit, nibbling on my ear.
Fuck.
I pop the box open, and she stares down at it for half a goddamn century before opening that hot mouth. "Holy fuck," she breathes, lifting my hand and the box closer to her face.
"Tell me you like it, birdie." I pull the ring from the box and toss the box on the table, lifting her left hand and sliding it on. "Say you'll marry me, lovebird, before I lose my shit."
"You're so romantic," she says, smirking and nodding her head.
"You fucking know it," I say, holding her head and finally fucking kissing her. She straddles my lap and plays with my tongue, grinding that hot pussy all over me.
I yank her shirt over her head - fuck the neighbors - and move my lips down her neck, my fingers slipping beneath her little shorts. "You don't know how much I want these lips…" I move back to those lips and bite the bottom one. "...wrapped around my cock." What can I say, I love birdie's blowjobs. My fingers glide through slippery wetness, and I groan into her mouth. "Come on, baby, blow me, please."
I'm not begging.
Just asking nicely.
Her hands lift the bottom of my shirt, and I rip it off before pulling her against me and sucking on her mouth the same way I'd suck on her cunt. Not as messy of course, but…
She wiggles down my legs before slipping to her feet and bending forward to get my pants undone. "So, you're going to be my McHubby?" She pulls my pants open and reaches in and grips my dick, pulling it out and dropping to her knees.
"As long as you're my McWifey," I say, groaning when she flicks her tongue out, swiping it across the precum dribbling out of it. "Yeah, birdie, suck it."
She doesn't, though, because that wouldn't be her M.O. She's gotta fuck around first. Get me all hyped up and shaking before she swallows me like a champ. I'm fucking here for it.
She tongues the hell out of me, jerking it a little at the same time, and I grip her hair in my hand. "I don't want a wedding," she says, sucking on the head before releasing it with a sexy as fuck pop.
"No wedding," I say, pushing her head down and lifting my hips up, slipping my dick in her open mouth, nearly screaming like a bitch when I hit the back of her throat. "Say you'll move in."
She bobs and weaves on my cock, looking up at me with those fuck me eyes, and I'm not gonna last long at this rate. This is too fucking good. She's wearing my ring, my dick's in her mouth, and it's too much for even a fuck like me to handle.
I yank her off me and lift her into my arms, shuffling into the apartment with my pants around my ankles. She's biting and sucking at my neck, and I'm tripping on my own goddamn feet trying to get us down the hall and in my bed so I can fuck her properly.
This is a goddamn celebration.
I slide her down and kick off my shoes and pants before turning her around and bending her over my mattress. "Are you moving in, little birdie?" I ask, running my palm down her spine and across her ass before giving it a good little spank, making her moan and grip the blankets in her fists. I grab my cock and rub it through the dripping mess between her legs, making sure to spend an extra amount of time at her swollen clit. "Say you're moving in or no dicking down for you."
"Why don't you move in with me?" She gasps, pushing back against me.
"Fine," I say and slam inside the sweetest cunt I've ever had the pleasure of fucking. Seriously. There's nothing better. I'm about to wife this pussy up.
"Oh, God," Bella says, flattening her cheek against the mattress.
I bend over her, pumping my hips as I kiss her face. "Do you love me, little birdie?" I know she does. It's so fucking obvious, but even a bastard like me wants to hear it. We've said it. No shit, we've fucking said it. But right now, with my ring on her finger and my cock inside her, I want to hear it more than I want to cum. "Tell me you love me, lovebird. Let me hear it."
"You say it," she breathes. "Tell me you love me."
As if it wasn't fucking obvious. I slow it down, gliding out slowly and slamming roughly back in over and over until she's gasping for air. "I love my little birdie," I say on a rough slide. "And I love her sweet cunt. It's so goddamn sweet, lovebird. And it's all fucking mine."
She crawls her way up the mattress, and I follow her, pulling her to her knees and wrapping my hand gently around her throat, not letting up one fucking bit. "I love you, too," she says, turning her head and kissing my lips.
"Yeah," I grunt, kissing the hell out of her. "Now slide your hand down and play with your pussy, so I can feel it come all over me."
She listens, fuck yeah, she listens.
What a good goddamn birdie.
When she comes, I'm right behind her, groaning into her shoulder as she milks the fuck out of me. "Fuck…"
She falls forward and my dick slips free. I crawl in next to her and gather her sexy ass into my arms, kissing her damp forehead.
"I'll move in here," she says, kissing my throat.
Such a ball buster.
"I knew you wanted more than my dick," I tell her, gliding my hand up and down her smooth back.
"Yeah, well…" she says, and I feel her smile against my neck.
We're silent, and to be honest, I need a fucking minute. I'm no bitch, but getting lovebird to marry me feels all kinds of heartwarming.
"Hey, hey lovebird," I whisper, and she looks up at me. "This is forever, got it?"
"We'll see." She smirks but pats my chest, and I know she's fucking got it.
Our lips meet and my cock hardens, and this is what it's always gonna be like.
Lovebird climbs on top of me, and fuck yeah, she wants it again.
I can't fucking wait.
McHubby's gonna fuck McWifey so good.
Fuck yeah, he is.