Disclaimer: I do not own Boku No Hero Academia.

CHAPTER IX – FALLEN ANGEL

What had he done?

He had cried.
He had cried like a child.
Not only that, but into All Might's shirt nonetheless.
What had he done?
What the hell was wrong with him?

What's the next pathetic thing I'm going to do in front of him? In front of all of them?

He was disgusted by himself, by that weakness he had shown and he cursed the cameras, the microphones and everyone that had been watching and listening to them. How could he have been so oblivious, so naive? He should have known better; he had been taught by the best, how could he not have known better?! Stupid, stupid Tomura!
But the worst thing was yet to come: He couldn't even deny that All Might holding and comforting him had felt.. good.
It had felt so good! It had felt like everything Tomura had been looking for his whole life was just there, like all his wishes, whatever they were about, had been fulfilled at once.
If All Might would have just pushed him away, if the symbol of peace would have just been as fake and evil as All for One had said he was, all of this would be easier: Tomura could just continue to hate him like he had been doing for the most part of his life. Instead, he kept being thrown back to that moment All Might had placed his chin on him, the moment the man had softly touched his hair with his hand, with those long and skinny fingers of his that were just like Tomura's, the moment he had pushed his head towards his chest.
They had then spent the rest of the visit in silence, with Tomura quietly crying into All Might's clothing and the hero just holding him, slowly stroking circles on his bony back. When the guards had called time, All Might had softly pushed the younger man away, looking at him with a (proud) smile.
Even with those sunken in dark eyes and that jejune blonde hair, everyone could still see who he was because of that smile. It was too bright for Tomura to take in, so he had averted his eyes and looked at the ground. At this point, he wasn't going to deny that All Might really cared for him. The fact opposed everything he had learned about the man, however he still couldn't let go of his own feelings, feelings of anger and abandonment that were engraved into his bones.
Did he want to let go of them?
He felt so torn about everything, how could he even know what he wanted anymore?

"Tomura?", the man then had asked but Tomura had ignored him, still looking to the ground, not wanting to take in the light that was All Might, then suddenly feeling a rough hand touching his cheek and wiping away the wetness his tears had caused. And Tomura, unfocused like he had been, had leaned into the touch.
Like a pet.
Like a child.
How disgusting and weak.

His skin crawled at the thought. Not even because of the hero touching him, but because he hadn't fought it. Why hadn't he fought it? What would his Sensei do if knew?

Where's your fucking dignity? Why was he letting these people do with him as they pleased?

"But if you ever need someone to be a father to you, a father that won't hurt you.. I'll be there."

All Might's words just didn't leave his ears, his brain, his heart. Those had been the words which had pushed Tomura to his limits, ripped down the barrage that had held back his tears. The more he repeated them in his head, the more wrong they felt.
Wrong, wrong so wrong, yet so.. warm, safe and homelike.

Father.

Someone he could turn to.
Someone he could bond with.
Someone who would never get tired of teaching him throughout his whole life.
Someone who would always be there for him, no matter the time, no matter the distance.
Someone who would support him in his decisions or stop him from doing the things that harmed him and his surroundings.
Someone who would accept him the way he was.
Someone who would love him the way he was.

Your father didn't love you. He didn't want you. Neither did your mother.

Shut up., he ordered his brain and clenched his fists, causing the healing wounds to hurt.

You're still wearing his hand because you're fucked in the head.

Could his anxiety just stop talking to him? He couldn't think about his parents, it would only stir up additional bad feelings he just had no power to deal with right know.

This isn't the first time you've embarrassed yourself in front of that man.
Remember the hospital? He saw you crying there too and you let him touch you, not once but twice!
Remember what you asked him before you were brought to the hospital? You've shown him all your weaknesses!
Sensei would be so disappointed!

Tomura groaned at himself, hoping it would scare away that part in his brain that wouldn't stop talking about all these things he wanted to forget.

At least you're a tiny bit closer to getting freedom again. Just build some more trust. They've stopped drugging you since you came back. Just behave and it will all play out.

That was the thing though; Tomura didn't want to play this game anymore. He was tired of lying, tired of fighting. Yes, he did want to get out, it was driving him mad staying in here, but he felt as if had no energy left to achieve that goal.
Why couldn't they just kill him? Was this their way of torturing him, locking him up until he became even more insane than he already was?

As if that was possible, you disgusting fucking freak.

Since the day he was injured, he had just enjoyed behaving, blaming it on his wounds. Not being able to do anything but sleep most of the times had its appeal. It didn't feel as if he was wasting time.
Then his lawyer had even gotten these dumb guards to play games with him. How had he achieved that, especially after All Might had told Tomura at the villain hospital that the people were just waiting for him to do something stupid again, so that they could restrain him to a chair and lock him up for good? Had All Might lied? Who was that lawyer-guy anyway? He hadn't even met him once those past months. Wasn't he supposed to meet with Tomura in here on a regular basis?

"But if you ever need someone to be a father to you, a father that won't hurt you.. I'll be there."
Why couldn't he just stop thinking about it?

He's nothing to you! You hate him! He ruined Sensei's face!, Tomura tried to convince himself and to go back to the pure hatred, without success.

Sensei. Had Sensei ever been like a father to him?

No, not really. To his master, he had been a tool, he knew that, he just didn't care enough to question it. Sensei had saved him, given him everything he had desired, why would he question his motives?

But.. how would Tomura have turned out if it hadn't been for him?

What a stupid fucking question. You would have been dead. There is no you without Sensei. All for One gave you life.

Tomura ignored the voice in his head and tried to really think about it. It was challenging, as if he was discovering something forbidden, something he should never think about.
He knew that he would have been more timid, a characteristic Sensei had purged from him. He had liked flowers a lot too, and animals, but he would never admit to that today. Tomura cringed about himself, at how fucking embarrassing that thought was. The leader of the League of Villains, weak for the eyes of some dumb puppy? Also, flowers? Really? What was he, some naive little girl?

Flowers.
There had not been any flowers around his childhood home. The garden had been a neglected wasteland, empty like his father's soul, grey like the inside of their home. No decor but the bottles of alcoholic liquids, liquids Tomura would enjoy drinking today.
Back then however, they had only been the cause for so much pain.

"It hurts!"

Don't think about it.

"Stop, please!"

Don't think about it!, he ordered himself but the pictures kept coming and Tomura tried to ignore them, tried to push them away, to think about something else, but the only other thoughts his brain allowed him were All Might comforting him.

What was it going to be, All Might or his father?

"But if you ever need someone to be a father to you, a father that won't hurt you.. I'll be there."

All Might comforting him.
His father pulling his hair.
All Might stroking circles on his back.
His father slapping him across his face.
All Might wiping the tears of his cheeks.
His father starving him.
All Might wiping the blood away of his busted lip.
His father choking him until all he saw was black.
All Might placing his chin onto his head.

"Disgrace! You're a disgrace!"

"Please, daddy, stop!"

His heart was racing and he started to feel dizzy, it was too difficult to breath and suddenly, his chest hurt so bad it even faded out the pain of his gunshot wounds.

Calm down. Calm down. CALM DOWN!, his orders didn't work, his brain wasn't listening, he was losing control, he was losing control, he was dying, was going to die! Tomura tried to breath but his lungs didn't fill!

The thoughts raced in his brain.
All Might. Father. Sensei. League of Villains. Hate. Decay. Kill. Father. Stop. Stop. STOP.

"Please..", his teeth were grinding hard on another, making his jaw hurt, but he still managed to push the words trough, "please!"

His begging seem to work: Someone entered the room, he couldn't tell who and he didn't remember much, just that he was forced to swallow something that calmed him down in a matter of minutes. Right now, he couldn't care less about how pathetic he looked; he just wanted all of this to stop.

I want to die.

"Don't walk in front of me, half and half bastard!", no one who had met him could ever forget Bakugou's voice or choice of vocabulary, he was truly unique in every aspect. But who was he talking to? Half and half? That must have been Todoroki.

"Don't be like that, Kachann.", only Midoriya called Bakugou like that.

"Shut the fuck up, Deku!"

"Why are you so angry all the time, Bakugou?" That was Bakugou's close friend, Kirishima, always a grin on his face.

"Nobody asked for you fucking opinion, bad hair!"

All Might was waiting right next to the classroom's door when the students walked out, all of them respectfully greeting him before heading towards the exit.

"All Might!"

"Young Midoriya! Long time no see.", the skinny man greeted his apprentice. They were already a week into January and had not seen each other since the day before Christmas Eve.

"What are you doing here?", Midoriya asked as they both exited the building together. Most of the snow had already melted away, but the temperature was still freezing and Midoriya dug a hat out of his jacket, his dark hair disappearing underneath it as he pulled it over his head.

"I thought you might have time for me after class.", the symbol of peace said, "We haven't talked in a while and I wondered if you'd care to join me for some hot chocolate at my apartment?"
The student didn't take long to answer that.

At the man's place, All Might prepared the hot chocolate first, as promised, and then sat opposite to Midoriya, speaking with the teenager about all kinds of things, first about One for All, then about the coming exams the hero-in-training was currently preparing himself for. Midoriya had always been a good student, diligent and hungry for information. That hadn't changed to this day and it was impossible for him to fail, All Might was sure. After that the man addressed Midoriya's Christmas Eve evening, but the student dodged the topic, obviously still too embarrassed to reveal any details about his.. was it a 'significant other' already? The kid wouldn't even tell him that.

All Might had not planned on talking anymore about Tomura or Tartarus in general, but it was Midoriya who addressed it after finishing his cup: "All Might.. Shigaraki.. I mean.."
The kid bit his lip, unsure about the choice of words but then settled on a simple 'How is he?'.

"I shouldn't talk with you about this, it could get us both into legal trouble.", All Might explained, but was willing to reveal at least a tiny bit of information, "But he is doing alright, at least physically."

"I see.", Midoriya said and lowered his head.

"Young Midoriya,", All Might spoke up after finishing his cup as well, "now that we're on this topic, I have a confession to make. I've been having a bad conscience regarding you."

Midoriya raised his head to meet All Might's eyes and frowned: "What do you mean?"

"These past few months, I only had my mind on Tomura. I've been completely neglecting you and I wanted to apologize."

"What are you saying, All Might?", the teen opposite to him asked with a genuinely confused look, "Right now, Shigaraki needs you more than I do! Please don't apologize!"

"Young Midoriya,", All Might tried again, "when I told you that day at Kamino, that it was 'your turn now', I didn't mean to just leave it all to you. I still need to guide you, just like Nana guided me. I am so proud of what you've become and I want to accompany you to the day you get your professional license and beyond."

There was a glitter in Midoriya's orbs and he looked like that fifteen year old boy again.

"Will you let me be your teacher again?"

Surprisingly, the student really seemed to think about at it, despite what he had said before.

"I still don't think there's any reason to apologize. But yes, of course I want you to be my teacher again!"

All Might smiled, a stone falling from his heart.

"But I have a request."
It was blunt, direct and unlike Midoriya and All Might found himself unprepared for what was about to come.

"What's that?"

"I want to visit Shigaraki."

All Might's face lost all colour.

"I want to help too. Please?"

"'Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back.
But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven.
The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, who leads the whole world astray.
He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.'"

A hand caressed his head.

"Don't you think that sounds beautiful, Tomura?", All for One asked from on the sofa, gently turning the thin page of the book in his lap with the hand he had just touched the younger villain's head with.
Tomura rarely saw his Sensei anymore. Most of the time, the man was connected to a machine with the Doctor keeping him company, looking for different quirks they could use to further the healing process. All for One then communicated with Tomura through either the computer set up in the bar, or the one in the teen's room. This was one of the rare occasions All for One just wanted to spend some time with him. At least that's what he had said: No assignments or exercises, but Tomura still felt like he was being tested when the man asked him questions like that one.

"Not really.", the teen answered, his eyes fixed on the big screen before them. He was playing an action-RPG, ironically one with a dragon ruling the earth. The fair-haired boy briefly wondered, if that text passage may have been the inspiration for it but assumed the creators just had copied another medium. Having read a handful of fantasy books and played hundreds of videogames of the sort, he knew that all of it was more or less the same. They were either all inspired by the same source or just copied one another, no one was really creative anymore. But then again, there's only so much stories one could do.

"Any further explanation?", his Sensei asked, just proving Tomura's point that the man was testing him.

"Nah.", was the kid's short answer, not in the mood to do any of that.

"It reminds me a lot of us."

Tomura paused his game and turned to look at the speaking black mask:"How?"

All for One smiled behind it, satisfied with Tomura's natural curiosity.

"God, the One to give quirks, the One to take them away.
All for One.
He gave Lucifer, the angel he loved, his little brother, everything that he desired.
But Lucifer, the holder of One for All and his army of angels, the army of heroes, rebelled against him and a war broke out.
A war that will hold on until the moment God sends out Michael, his archangel, his apprentice, who shall lead God's armies to fight the one who betrayed Him.
And Michael will defeat the hero and his fallen angels."

The teen stared at him for a few seconds, before telling him that "he didn't see it", turning back to his game.

"That's too bad. I hoped you'd learn to appreciate a comparison as poetic as this."

"That's not poetic, it's just crap.", he said while finally beating that annoying last boss of the dungeon.

All for One placed his hand on the teen's head again.

The student stopped pressing the buttons on his controller when his teacher intertwined the fingers of his big hand with the messy silver hair, unintentionally massaging the dry scalp. It felt good, relaxing and in moments like these, Tomura completely forgot that he hated any kind of physical contact.

He felt like in trance
– until he disintegrated the item he was holding.

The young villain looked down at his own hands, now covered in dust. A message popped-up on the screen, telling him to re-attach the controller.
"Great.", he murmured and decided to immediately get a new one. Kiyashi Ward Shopping Mall would surely have a shop which sold them.

Suddenly, his master's hand closed in on his hair, pulling hard on it when Tomura tried to stand up, making him groan. His teacher then let go of it and the teen rubbed his head, trying to ease the pain.

"Watch your tongue when you talk to me, Shigaraki Tomura.", All for One said with his calm and soothing voice, but Tomura knew that it was a warning.

"I will, Sensei."

Tomura shivered at the memory, but thinking about Sensei's lessons kept him from wandering to thoughts which made him feel even more uncomfortable. He had kept himself busy this way for days, maybe weeks, Tomura didn't keep track of the time anymore. His wounds were still bandaged, but didn't hurt anymore and although he could have cleaned them himself, he found himself craving for company and therefore let the doctors do their work, even if he hated them touching him.

One of these days All Might came back and Tomura's eyes glowed up when he saw the man holding an older American board game under his arm.

"Hello, Tomura.", the man then greeted him, his smile warm and.. fatherly. Tomura caught himself and quickly looked away, but All Might didn't seem to mind that the younger one did not greet back; he sat down, started unpacking the box, placing the pieces of plastic onto the board in a manner that made it look like he already knew the game very well.

"The guards don't want to play anymore?", Tomura asked, still mostly looking away but occasionally peaking at the man setting up the game.

All Might shook his head: "I cannot tell you about the things we speak outside. But I can tell you that you're wrong."
Tomura decided not to further comment on that.
Once the game was set up, All Might took the dices and placed them in front of Tomura: "You start, kid."

Tomura then turned to him, not able to resist a good board game and observed the way All Might had placed the villagers, a blue and a yellow tribe.
"I'm blue.", he declared and moved three of the villagers standing on the island's outer circle directly into the sea fields, then removed one of the main island's pieces on All Might's side, one which didn't have any villagers placed on it and turned it upside down, showing the symbol of a shark. After he had placed a shark token onto that field, Tomura rolled the two dices.
Dive and sea serpent: All Might's villagers were going to have a hard time getting off the island.
He was off to a good start.
Then it was All Might's turn. None of his villagers were placed onto the sea fields, he instead moved the meeples standing on the inner circles of the island more to the outside. When he removed one of the tiles on Tomura's side, a whirlpool showed up and killed two of Tomura's blue villagers.
It didn't matter, nothing was decided yet. The hero rolled a number and the sea serpent, moving away the one Tomura had placed near the tiles his villagers were standing on.

Just as Tomura was about to start his turn, All Might spoke up: "One of my students would like to visit you."
The kid stopped his movement, holding his hand in mid-air.

"Why?", he tried to ask calmly, but his voice was shaky, betrayed by his feelings that were in an uproar again.
Who was he talking about? When did this student want to visit him? Why would one of the students he had tried to kill so many times want to visit him in the first place? What was happening?

"He wants to get to know you and it would be a great learning experience for him. And he could make his semester project about..this topic."

"'Topic'? You mean about how to treat the scum like me once we are caught and jailed?", Tomura spit out and reached up to his neck, but didn't scratch yet.

"You're not scum, Tomura.", All Might eyes looked sad saying that.

"You're the only one who thinks that way.", it hurt Tomura speaking those words aloud, but he threw them at him like an insult.
You're the only one who thinks that way and that's why you're stupid.

"He thinks that way too.", All Might said and the former leader of the league didn't know what to say to that.

"What's up for me?"

"Nothing for the visit-"

"Then I don't want to see the brat.", Tomura interrupted him, let go of his neck and continued the game, moving two of his villagers to the rim and the third in the sea one field towards the safe land.

"But", All Might spoke again, "it would be a plus factor in your therapy data. The more you work towards reparation, the better your situation will get."

"What's there to get better?", Tomura asked, softly biting his lip when he heard how weak his voice sounded, cursing himself for showing weakness again.

You're losing your touch, Tomura.

"Maybe once day, they might be willing to transfer you into a normal prison."

Tomura looked at the man with a face that really didn't say anything.

"You wouldn't be alone all the time and there are always a lot of things to do. For example you could work in a garden, under an open sky."

Tomura gulped. He imagined his finger digging through the softness of moist earth, never decaying, never killing –
earth, with its distinct fresh scent, something else he could touch with all of his fingers beside water, something nurturing and alive that didn't die in his hands, hands that were made only to destroy.

He let go of the island tile he was holding, not in the mood to play anymore.

"Alright."

"Are you sure?"

Tomura nodded, although he wasn't sure at all: "If you're there as well."

"I will always be there, Tomura."

"But if you ever need someone to be a father to you, a father that won't hurt you.. I'll be there."

End note:
1. I didn't mention Midoriya's date by name because although I am not a shipper, I want everyone's ship to be possible. Tell me, do you ship and if yes, what are your otp BNHA ships?
2. In one of the mangas, there is a "concept art" for Shigaraki, where it's said that he was a boy that loved flowers and animals. I am not sure if this is applies to the canon anymore, but I want it to.

Answer to Galaxy diamond (user): Don't thank me, I thank you : )) Let me know if you ever decide to write your own story!