October 28, 2023,
An attaché from High Command made an unscheduled visit to the front today. I had 30 minutes of warning before he arrived. It's not like I had anything I needed to prepare, but knowing those goons, there would be questions asked if they saw Haruna in the sick bay without any visible injuries. From my time in logistics I know there are a few black projects eating up resources with certain girls assigned to them, and I shudder thinking of the repercussions if they discover Shipgirls can get pregnant. Or maybe they have already done such experiments.
This is just so fucked up.
In any case I had to move Haruna somewhere he would not want to check or had any reason to visit, so I carried her to my own cabin. When I lifted her up she was still catatonic and her skin was cold to the touch. I had her in a princess carry, like I was hoping to do at our wedding, yet there was nothing romantic about this.
I was walking down the stairs, gazing straight ahead in a dead stare, taking one step at a time, when I felt something on my cheek. It was her hand, weakly running along my jawline, her fingers lingering on my chin. I stop, my head instinctually following her hand down, savouring the sensation of her touch, hoping for her hand to cradle my chin, like the old days. Time froze in this moment, the moment when she physically and emotionally reached out to me for the first time since the battle was over, seeking consolation, seeking the assurance, in her words, that everything will be alright. I looked down. My eyes met hers. I saw the pain of loss, the longing for warmth, the desire to return to the status quo. I remained enthralled by those hazel pools as I subconsciously moved in for a kiss. My head tilted to stop our noses from colliding. I felt her breath on my lips. Her eyes fluttered in invitation. But at the last moment the same hand that was caressing my cheek was nudging my lips away as she turned away in anguish.
I did not insist to continue. You cannot rush the healing of physical wounds; emotional wounds take longer to heal, if ever.
The attaché came and went without much incident. He did however visit the sick bay and skim through the injury files, to "get a sense of causality statistics". Chances are that he wasn't hiding anything and was legitimately trying to get estimates that will help in future planning, but I know there are things I am not being told.
It is night now and I am writing this entry as she is lying next to me, again in the fetal position with her back to me. I chose to keep Haruna in my bunk for now to let her have the privacy she needs, and I will be next to her whenever possible for when she needs someone she knows and loves to be there when she reaches out again.
If she reaches out again…
And until that happens, I will be here.