October 29, 2023,
There have been reports of high-altitude reconnaissance raids over our position, but the command team assured me they'll manage without me. Our relationship is an open secret, but what I'm doing now should be raising some red flags. No doubt there is theory-crafting going on, but I guess they are not pursuing anything out of respect. Anyway, I have covered for some of them in the past, so I guess it is fair that they return the favour, but in any case I will have to thank them all personally when the job is done.
The other girls also seem to have noticed my absence. Shigure visited my cabin this morning to check up on us, and I assured her we are managing. Later Yukikaze came to bring us lunch. I expected her to come down sooner or later, given the circumstances.
I invited her into the cabin to have a chat, offering her a candy bar from my own stash so it wouldn't be awkward for her watching us eat. I don't hold anything against her though, since the two of us basically brought this upon ourselves.
I got Haruna into a sitting position on the bed facing the desk. I sat next to her, and Yukikaze next to me. It was quiet at first, with only me eating and the two girls just looking at their food.
"Yukikaze," I said, "don't beat yourself up over what happened. You took a gamble; I took a gamble;, Haruna took a gamble; Life is a gamble. I don't know what you where thinking, but I know for a fact that when Haruna was drawing fire, she believed deep down that she would win that gamble."
I know I did.
"But that is the thing about taking chances. It ain't a guarantee, and sometimes…sometimes we lose," I got lost in my own thoughts for a moment, but I quickly snapped back.
"So, I can't force you to accept everything that happened, but if you thought what I said made sense, please, for the three of us here, take a bite of that candy and give us a smile," I said, smiling softly, or at least pulling off what could technically be a smile.
Yukikaze looked at me with unsure eyes for a moment, before gingerly biting off a chunk of the candy bar, forcing her own smile. Haruna sat silently the whole time, listlessly nudging the rice and gravy around the food tray, occasionally bringing some of it up to her mouth – an improvement, I guess.
Yukikaze left after we finished, taking the food trays with her. Haruna remained hunched over the desk, head supported by her right hand, looking forlorn at the framed picture – the picture of the two of us at that Christmas party.
I scooched closer to her, reaching for her left hand on her lap. She does not recoil, instead resting her head on my shoulder. My other hand reached for the picture, thumb gently caressing the image.
"Things were simpler back then, weren't they?"
I felt a small nod.
"There is no going back to those days, is there?"
Her head shook. My thoughts exactly.
Silence followed for what felt like hours. I felt my shoulder getting damp. I knew what I needed to do. I put my arms around her and pulled her in close. The sobbing became audible. I felt something on my own cheek.
It is a step. A small one, but a step nonetheless.