November 4, 2023,
Today has been uneventful. We left the frontlines just before the break of dawn and crossed the Sibuyan sea under the watchful eyes of the 1CarDiv's fighters. Even through the moderate soundproofing of my cabin, hearing the constant low drone of the engines was strangely therapeutic. Once in a while I left the cabin to gaze out upon the open sea, looking at the flight of 3 planes circling overhead, with a new flight of 3 coming to relieve the orbiting trio at the planned handover times. I tried to get Haruna to join me, but every time I asked, she just averted her gaze and shook her head.
In any case it is now twilight. The last flight left us 15 minutes ago, and we would be running the Palawan passage alone to meet our escorts at dawn. It seemed Haruna dozed off, so I guess what I can do now is write.
In being alone with my thoughts I have been reminiscing the good days back at the base; our first meeting; the budding of our relationship, of the Christmas party and how we gave ourselves to each other that night; and the vague optimism we held of our shared future. And it is now that I realized that I haven't actually formally proposed to Haruna. Everything just, well, happened as things went along. I guess I can use this time to pen a draft that I will forget about when more pressing things pop up. In any case, since I have nothing else to do now, and for austerity's sake, here it goes.
"May 7, the day I received posting orders to this base, the day I was manhandled onto a dinky little aircraft for an 8-hour flight, the day I met the most wonderful person in the world and the love of my life. Since then we have been through so much together, and through all the highs and lows, I am thankful to have had you by my side."
Okay, not too shabby, but the elephant in the room needs to be addressed.
"Things have been rough recently, and I am not going to say something as insensitive as "It's okay" or "Everything's going to be alright", because it is not. I am hurting; you are hurting; and I can't foresee a time when this will simply be forgotten. I just want to say that through it all, I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you. And I want you to know that I will always be here for you, and I know, in my heart, you will always be here for me."
That took a while to write. I don't know when or if I will be using this, and I don't even know if it is right to hope to use this soon.
"Even if we never get this chance again, I hope nothing between us will change. Even if we can't see the road ahead, we can be assured that we can, and we will, keep going forwards. Even if it will only ever be the two of us, we will find comfort in each other. As long as we are together, and for each other's sake, we will find a way, and as such, I must ask you, earnestly and officially: will you marry me?"
The more I read this, the more inappropriate it feels, but I mean every word of it, and I can only hope this will help the two of us when the time is right.