VULNERABLE MOMENTS
Hello all. I wasn't planning to write anything more this year, but one, very unpleasant real life situation led me here...Today for the thousand time, I found out that it's not worth to rely on people, cause sooner or later, they will always let you down...Needed something to get my thoughts off this ghastly bussines, so I decided to write this one shot, to make my and hopefully yours day nicer. Hope you will like it.
Summary: Mr Carson is devastated after Charlie Grigg's visit in the Abbey, when the family learns the truth about his stage past. He starts to question his position in the house and feels really humiliated. There is only one person who can make him feel better...My own interpretation of the whole "Do you find me very ridiculous Mrs Hughes?" scene. One-shot.
Legal note: Don't own those wonderful characters, they just make my life easier...
Charles felt so uneasy after this whole Grigg business. He spent those last few weeks, making Grigg's demands. He risked his position, his impeccable opinion in the house, by stealing food, just to make sure that his former stage friend won't reveal his past to the family that he served.
It was all for nothing. That cheeky devil Grigg did it anyway. He had enough guts to come into the big house, asking for a meeting with Lord and he told him all about their mutual past. In the presence of His Lordship, Lady Sybil, Anna and Mr Bates.
Charles never felt such a humiliation in his life. He build his current position in the house for years. With all his actions and his always proper behavior, he was trying to convience all the people around him, that he was a solid and a trustworthy person. That he was an honest man. He did it so effectively, that everyone else believed it.
All the people in the Abbey-the upstairs ones and the downstairs ones, asked about the most decent man in this house, would point out to him, without a doubt. He really did his best, gradually forgetting about his infamous past, letting himself believe, that it never happened and being convinced, that nobody will ever know the truth. Until today.
Standing in the living room of the Abbey, surrounded by the people who knew and respected him, he felt like he just wanted to fall under the ground. Of course His Lordship acted like a true aristocrat. He nonchalantly "took care" of that unpleasant matter, showing that monster Grigg where his place was. He humiliated him and he had to take it, because he had no other way. He wanted to take the money from His Lordship, so he agreed to never go back to this again and he left.
Charles was sincerely hoping, that he will never see this wicked creature again in his life. However, the damage that he has caused stayed. He tarnished Charles's good name in the eyes of the people who he served and in the eyes of the people with whom he has been living and working...
As far as the upstairs people were concerned, he was rather calm about it. Of course, he was aware that because His Lordship and Lady Sybil were both present, all the rest of the family will probably know about it too, but he knew their habits, their way of sorting things...They will talk about it with each other, maybe even have a good laugh about it, but it won't be in his presence...He will never have to hear about that from them. That wasn't his biggest concern.
It was differnet with the downstairs people. Charles was the head of this household and the position he carried there required respect. Respect from the people who were his subordinates. So far, he had no problems with having that respect. He didn't have to ask for it, he naturally earned it, being extremely strict, but also fair butler. They were sometimes afraid of him, but they knew that he won't hurt them in any way. Now, things will be different. As much as he was sure that this matter will be talked about upstairs, it was the same with downstairs. He knew, that all the gossips were transferred with a speed of light downstairs. There wasn't many exciting news in their lives, so when something like this happened, he knew, that this will give them subject to talk about for weeks. Not only to talk about, but also to laugh about. He cringed inside, imaginig all those hidden jokes, malicious smiles... It was unbearable...
He may not care much about what the maids or the footmen thought about him. He wasn't interested with the valet's or the cook's opinion, but there was definitely one person among the staff, whose opinion mattered to him much...That was Mrs Hughes. He valued her opinion and she was closer to him than any other member of the staff...She was special to him, in every possible meaning of that word...He flushed, remembering how many times during their usual evenings with Sherry, he made those little speeches about morality, rules, propriety etc..How they often disagreed on those matters, because Mrs Hughes was so much more tolerant than he was...And now...What will she think of him? How will she react, finding out the truth about his past? Will she loose respect for him? He couldn't bear that thought...He could go through that humiliation one more time, he could have let the whole village know who he was, but he didn't want to loose Mrs Hughes respect for anything in the world...
Sunken in his unhappy thoughts, he decided to skip this hospital event, where everyone was going to...He earlier agreed with Mrs Hughes, that they will walk together, but he hid himself in the office, secretly hoping, that she won't notice his absence and that she will join the others, leaving him alone. That was all he needed now. A few moments of peace and quiet, with nobody around, a secret hideout, where nobody could see him.
He sighed with relief, when he heard the noises in the corridor, indicating, that they all went to this damn meeting, leaving him all alone. With nobody around. That was what he thought, but that wasn't true.
Elsie was not present when Grigg came, but when she went back from the village, she found out about the whole situation. She was a little shocked at first, but after that, she coped with that idea and she quickly and effectively let all the staff know, that no jokes or hidden laughs will be tolerated.
She could be a real nippy-sweety when it was needed. She was understanding, tolerant, but she didn't let the staff forget who is the head of this household. Her attitude swiftly made them realize, that they had to show restraint when it came to joking around about Mr Carson.
Elsie noticed that ever since she came back from the village, Mr Carson was nowwhere around. Normally, he was everywhere, now, he was sitting all alone in his pantry, separated from the world. She knew him so well, she knew what that meant. She felt his suffering, sensing how much his position was at stake. She decided to skip this hospital meeting and instead of wasting her time, to do something for the man who was so very dear to her heart. Elsie didn't like to overanalyze things, but she had absolutely no doubts, that Mr Carson was the closest to her heart man in her life. She couldn't stand the thought of his suffering. So she waited patiently for everyone else to go and as soon as she heard that the door were closing behind the last member of the staff, she went towards his pantry...
The doors were only slightly shut, so through the chink of the door, she saw how he was looking through the window, with sad eyes. It was the saddest face expression that she had seen on him and for a moment, she thought that his eyes were glistened, which meant that he might have been crying.
Her heart clenched at this sight and she decided that there was not a minute more to loose...
"Mr Carson..."
"Mrs Hughes! What are you doing there? I thought that you went with the others.."
"I was going to, but I decided to stay here instead and talk to you..."
"Ermm...Hmm...Was there any particular reason for that?"
"I think we both know the reason Mr Carson. Come here, sit by me..."
He obeyed her request and very soon, they were both sitting at the sofa, closer than they usually were, but non of them had anything against it...
"I'm guessing that you already know.."
"I do. You know how it is here..Somebody sneezes in the living room upstairs and five minutes later all the donwstairs is talking about it..."
"I guess you are right..."-he smiled to her and his face brightened a bit..."Do you?...Do you find me very ridiculous Mrs Hughes?"
"And why on earth would I do that Mr Carson? Because of that insignificant situation that happened today?"
"Well yes...My past was revealed and it's not a very glorious past and in the light of what's been revealed, all my little talks about rules, proper behavior must now seem silly to you..."
"Mr Carson...I ask you...You are and always were a man of integrity and honor...You are raising the value of this house, just by being a part of it. So please, no more of that nonsence...I never found and I will never find you silly or ridiculous..."
"Thank you...That means so much to me...But if you only knew how I felt today, when this pitiful being did what he did...In the presence of His Lordship and Lady Sybil...I never felt so humiliated in my life..."-his head went down and that sad face expression went back...
Elsie's heart was floded with emotions, when she saw that the dearest to her heart man, was so devastated with this situation, she thought that no matter what kind of words would she use right now, it will not be enough for him, he will still think of it as a failure and humiliation, so she decided that some stronger means are necessary... She cautiously, not wanting to scare him too much, put her hand on his, touching him with tenderness..That little gesture of hers made him speechless. He didn't raise his head, because he was afraid that once he will do it, this magic moment will end. That she will withdraw her hand from his and there was nothing more that he needed right now, than her soft, delicate touch...Indeed it meant everything to him and helped him a lot more, than all the words that she would use right now...So they sat together, for a longer while, enjoying this unique moment, that so unexpectedly brought them together...Finally, Elsie was the one that spoke:
"Mr Carson, I can imagine that it must have been awful for you, but I'm sure that within a week, it will all be forgotten. They will find a new subject to talk about and His Lordship already handled the situation with grace and dignity, so don't you worry about it no more..."
"I will try...I know that he will...The staff will forget, they will joke around, I'm sure,but..."
"They won't..I took care of that already..."
"I knew I could always count on you...To tell you the truth, I was most worried what you will think of this..."
"You needn't worry anymore...My opinion of you will never change...I have always thought of you as man of integrity and honor and nothing will change that..So no more worries..." She stroked his hand gently and he sighed deeply, thinking how soothing effect she had on him..."Now, I think the best solution will be if we will get dress and join the others on that hospital event, before they will start to wonder where we are..."
Elsie smiled to him warmly and her eyes were full of something so special that captured his heart...She got up and told him, that she expects to meet him by the door within few minutes. When she left, closing the door behind her, he took his hand to his face, still feeling the warmth of hers..Her sweet scent, that she left on his hand, attacked his nostrills and he closed his eyes, remembereing that sweet moment, when her touch helped him to get through that difficult moment...He was calm now, the person whose opinion was the most important one for him, accepted his past and that was all that really mattered...
This was going to be short story...Well ;-) It really helped me to go through the difficult moment, so it was worth it. This is how I saw that difficult situation from episode 2, season 1. I still believe that Elsie's opinion was the one who Charles cared about. Anyway, I hope you liked it a bit. Sorry for any mistakes. If you didn't hate it, please let me know. Stay safe and have a very Happy New Year!