For the next few days, Ash did his best to ignore the voice in his head. It was getting increasingly difficult. With each passing hour, the voice became angry and louder. It roared against his eardrums and beat against his forehead, giving him a massive headache. Between his own guilt and the voice, he was slowly losing his mind. To make matters worse he still didn't know where he was or how he got there. If he knew that maybe he could try to convince the voice to let him stay longer. Ash's new theory was that he either magically replaced Eiji's current husband or magically tricked everyone into thinking he was Eiji's husband when Eiji was single. He wasn't sure which was worse. One would mean that Ash was stealing Eiji's time when he deserved to use it to love his own husband. If Eiji wasn't married it meant that Ash was forcing Eiji to believe he was stuck with a criminal like him. It was a depressing thought. Ash soon found himself overcome by gloom.

Like the angel Eiji was, he noticed something off two days after the voice stated in Ash's head. He didn't confront Ash until he got home from work. When Eiji arrived in the kitchen looking serious, Ash knew they were going to have a talk.

"Ok Ash what's going on?" Eiji folded his hands in his lap. "Since last week you've been acting strange. I know you're going through a really bad relapse but if there is something else going on please tell me."

"What do you mean?" Ash's heart was hammering. What did Eiji know?

"I mean." Eiji seemed to be struggling with words. "You seem really…out of it. You forget basic things. You've stopped trying to learn Japanese. Mrs. Tamanaka said you haven't been by to try to chat with her at all. I've been trying to give you space but you've gotten worst." He peered into Ash's eyes. "I'm worried Ash. I don't know what happened. Did someone you know contact you? Did someone try to hurt you?" His eyes got wide. "Did someone try to touch you?"

"No, it's nothing like that." Ash waved his hand quickly. "It's….It's…." What was he going to say?

It's just that I'm not supposed to be here. I know you think we're married but I'm actually a criminal from American. Something weird happened and now I either replacing your loving husband or tricking you into thinking we're married. There's a little voice in my head telling me to return to my life of crime but I'm ignoring it for a couple of days longer. I'd rather stay here, and have you spoil me before I go back to killing and leading my gang.

Yeah, that would go over well. Eiji would think he went crazy. If Eiji actually believed him however that would be worse. Ash was terrified that Eiji's soft eyes would fill with fear and disgust and he would demand Ash to leave. He wasn't sure what "dark past," Eiji thought he had but it couldn't be as bad as Ash's real history. If it was, Eiji wouldn't be so kind to him. That's why Ash decided to not say anything at all to him. It would be best just to keep this to himself until he disappears for good.

"It's just a relapse. I promise I'll be better by the end of the week." Ash finished lamely. By the end of the week, Ash would be gone. Then everything in Eiji's life would go back to normal.

Eiji squinted at him, clearly sensing there was more. After a moment, however, he signed and his shoulders drooped.

"If you say so, but if this gets worse please tell me." Eiji raised a hand like he wanted to touch Ash's face before dropping it again.

"Alright, I'll do that." Something about Eiji's actions bothered Ash. Since coming here Eiji always looked like wanted to reach out to touch him but was restraining himself. What did he want to do with Ash?

It took Ash a few minutes before realizing the obvious. If Eiji thought, they were in a relationship he might be wanting to kiss or hug or do something more intimate with Ash. He was probably holding himself back because of Ash's "relapse". Guilt flooded Ash's stomach. He was preventing Eiji from enjoying a loving relationship because he wanted to bask in Eiji's light for a few more days. What right did Ash have to hold back an angel like this?

"Ok then." Eiji's voice was quiet. "I guess we should start making dinner." He forced a smile.

"Ok." Ash didn't know what else to say. The full extent of what he was keeping from Eiji made him feel disgusted. Eiji deserved better. He didn't deserve to suffer like this.

By the next day, Ash knew he couldn't keep on like this. He really didn't belong here. The voice in his head knew it. His guilt knew it. Ash himself knew it. As he lay in bed that morning, he decided this would be his last day. It was the only way to stop being a burden on Eiji. Ash's mind started panicking at the thought of returning so soon. He crushed the thoughts and pulled up his walls. Enough was enough. Ash would enjoy one more day of paradise then leave forever.

"You're all smiles this morning." Eiji grinned mischievously as Ash sat down for breakfast. "I knew I would make a morning person out of you."

"Don't get used to it." Ash waved a fork of eggs in Eiji's general direction. "Just because I'm happy today doesn't mean that I want to wake up at an ungodly hour every single morning." He chomped on the eggs, enough Eiji laugher.

"Ah yes, 8:30; a god-awful time to be awake. I'm sure no one gets up that early."

Ash thought about it for a second. "Old people do I suppose. How old are you again? 70? 80? You're getting up in the years grandpa"

Eiji rolled his eyes. "I don't want to hear that from a young whippersnapper like you." He huffed. "The youth these days. You have no respect! In my day I had to wake up at the crack of dawn each morning!"

Ash nearly choked on his eggs from laughter. Eiji chuckled along as he began collecting his work items.

"I'll be back a little late tonight." He said slipping into his coat. "There's food in the fridge for lunch and dinner so eat that if I'm not back."

"Have fun." Ash stretched luxuriously eyeing the weather outside. Freezing rain pattered against the window. "I'll just spend the day here, warm and curled up with a nice book." Eiji glanced out the window before shooting Ash the skink eye and stuck out his tough. Ash grinned cheekily and blew him a kiss as Eiji opened his umbrella and stepped outside. Once Eiji was gone Ash let his girl fall. When Eiji returned that evening it would be the last time he saw him. Gloomily Ash finished his meal and sat back. It had been another amazing meal, but he couldn't really enjoy it to its fullest. He would try to enjoy lunch better. Everything Eiji cooked was a miracle. Everything Eiji did was a miracle. Ash suddenly had the urge to do something nice for him.

With only hours, left Ash wanted to show Eiji his appreciation. Even if Eiji, didn't remember him, Ash wanted to leave something behind. No one had ever treated him like this before. For a little while, Ash had felt clean. He doubted he would ever see Eiji again after he left. Ash tried to squash the painful squirm that protested at that thought. He knew this couldn't last. To keep his mind in the present, he tried to think up ways to pay Eiji back. Cooking was out of the question. It would do more harm than good and poisoning someone wasn't a great farewell gift. He could clean the apartment, but it wasn't that dirty. Eiji kept the place fairly neat and over the weekend they had both did some deep cleaning.

Ash sighed and leaned back in his chair. Despite his gang's and Golzine's praises on how special and talented he was, Ash found himself stuck. Nothing he could do would make a good gift for Eiji. His talents were things useless things like killing, strategizing, and seducing. Eiji wouldn't appreciate the first one or the third one and Ash had no idea how strategizing could help him either. If Ash had a talent such as writing or drawing, he would make Eiji something special. He wished he thought to try to make some money while he was here, that way he could have bought Eiji a gift. Even if the school he worked out wasn't in season, he was sure he could find another way to make money, after all, he was still good looking. Someone surely would have taken interest in him. Unfortunately, it was too late for that now.

"Damn it," Ash growled sitting up. His mind was pulling up a blank. Nothing he did was good enough. His hands were only for killing not for helping. It was frustrating. Eiji had done nothing but give and now Ash couldn't even give back. As he continued to ponder over his predicament the voice decided to choose this moment to get louder. Ash tried to push it back, but the voice just kept growing.

Ash let out a gasp of pain. The voice was rattling his skull and caused his vision to blur. It blocked out every other sound and Ash tried to cover his ears, desperate for it to leave. As he stumbled to his feet, he found that his legs were numb and he couldn't feel his body anymore. Everything was wanky. His hands were too far away and the table was too close. The room seemed to be spinning and the ground was rushing up to meet him.

"Ash!"

There was a voice calling his name

"Ash please wake up!"

It wasn't the voice in his head though, it was a beautiful angelic voice, full of love and concern.

"ASH!"

Ash didn't want to open his eyes, but he didn't want the voice to suffering. Against his better judgment, he pried open his throbbing eyelids. The world was too bright, and it pounded against his eyes. His head responded by throbbing painfully in protest. As his vision cleared, he saw who was calling him.

"Eiji."

Eiji's pale face peered down at him. He lay a gentle hand on Ash's forehead. Ash closed his eyes at the contact. Eiji must have just come back home. His hand was still cold and wet from the rain outside. It felt so incredibly good.

"You're burning up." Eiji removed his hand and pulled Ash onto his lap. "Can you stand?" Ash hesitated. He hated the idea of being a burden, but he really didn't think he could move on his own at this moment. Biting his lip he shook his head. Pain shot up through it and he winced.

Eiji grimaced. "Alright hang on." Without another word, Eiji tucked his arms under Ash's body and scooped him up. Ash had just enough energy to marvel at how strong Eiji was. It was nice in his arms. They felt safe and secure. Ash rocked slightly as Eiji padded across the floor to the bedroom. The sound of Eiji's footsteps began lulling Ash back to sleep. As he drifted, Ash found himself thinking that if this really was his life, he would marry Eiji all over again. His last thought was that Eiji's real husband was one lucky man.

When he next woke, he was in a dark room. Someone was dabbing a wet cloth against his forehead. It felt nice. Ash let out a sigh and his nose filled with the smell of warm chicken soup. His stomach growled hungrily and Eiji looked over at him.

"You're awake." Eiji stepped back. "Can you sit up? You should try to eat something." Ash blearily dragged his body to a sitting position. It hurt his head but not as much as earlier. Eiji watched him and, after deciding he wouldn't topple over, handed him a spoon. Ash shakily took it and eat some. The taste filled his mouth, and he closed his eyes. When he was sick in the past, Golzine always gave him the best foods. He rarely enjoyed it. All the food was tasteless and made his stomach churn. He would force it down in the hopes that he would recover quickly and be able to return to the streets. This however was different. The soup filled his mouth and ran down his throat, gentle and warm. Ash let out a long breath and opened his eyes.

"What time is it?"

"Around 2 in the afternoon," Eiji said casually sitting back. Ash squinted at him confusedly.

"Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I took the day off. I'm so glad I forgot my bag or else I wouldn't have found you unconscious on the floor. Who knows how long you would have been lying there?" Eiji looked pained at the thought.

Ash put down the spoon his stomach clenching painfully. Eiji had stayed home from work to take care of him. Instead of repaying Eiji liked he wanted to him just put more work on him. He didn't deserve Eiji. No more excuse, it was time to go home.

"Ash you should eat more." Eiji nudged the bowl toward him. Ash shook his head and pushed the bowl away.

"Eiji, can you hug me." It was a selfish request, but he wanted to be held one more time. Just one more gentle moment before he was flung back into chaos until he eventually died and went to hell. Eiji frowned slightly but still leaned in. Ash tucked his head against Eiji's chest and tried to memorize this moment. He wanted to internalize the gentle feeling of Eiji's touch. He wanted to remember the sound of his heart heartbeat. He never wanted to forget any of this, Eiji's warmth, his breath, his smile. When he felt that the memory was imprinted in his heart he reluctantly pulled away.

"Eiji there's something I need to tell you." His decision to tell Eiji the truth came out of nowhere, but it felt like the right thing to do. This was Ash's parting gift. Even if Eiji hated him it wouldn't matter. Ash would be out of his life soon enough.

"What is it?" Eiji pulled away scanning Ash's face.

Ash took a deep breath. It was now or never. "I'm not really your husband."

"What?" Whatever Eiji was expecting this wasn't it.

"I'm a murder Eiji and a whore….I'm a criminal. I have blood on my hands. I just woke up here and I don't belong here. I belong in hell. I'm a horrible person Eiji." With each word, Ash felt like he was waking up from a dream. Of course, that was what he was. Saying it out loud made him remember vividly all his crimes.

Eiji was staring at him his eyes aflame. Ash felt a twinge of sadness. Eiji looked angry. It was the first time he made this expression. Ash bowed his head ready to be thrown out of the apartment into the freezing rain. He had done it. He had finally driven Eiji away from him.

"Ash look at me." Eiji's voice was firm. Ash forced his face up fighting to keep his face neutral. No matter how much it hurt this was what he deserved.

"I know this relapse has been really hard, for you but I need you to listen to me." Eiji leaned in closer "Even if you don't believe it yourself try to believe me. You are NOT a murder or a whore. All your crimes; all the blood on your hands, were not your fault. It was the people who tried to crush you. "His eyes flashed with passion. "You are the victim here not the culprit. More importantly You. Are. My. Husband." He punctuated each word. "You are my Ash Lynx, my Aslan Jade Callenreese, my dawn. I will never leave you. The only way we'd ever stop being married is if you decided you didn't love me anymore." A flash of uncertainty passed through Eiji's eyes before he shook his head "But if you do love me then I will be yours forever. My soul is always with you."

Ash wanted to believe him so badly. He would give anything, do anything to really be Eiji's husband. He wanted all those words to be true. He wanted to hear that he wasn't broken. He wanted to be loved even though he did so many bad things. He wanted Eiji to stay by his side. He wanted the world Eiji had created for them but….but he knew it was fake. Whatever supernational intervention had put a story in Eiji's mind it wasn't true. Eiji probably had a real husband waiting for him.

For a moment he let himself believe that someone actually said those things about him without any weird voodoo involved. For a moment he let himself be Eiji's husband. Ash took those words, so pure yet so false, and buried them deep within his being. He wanted those pretty lies when he was left broken and bruised on a stranger's bed.

"Ash you look exhausted." Eiji's voice was soft. Ash blinked back to reality. The fire in Eiji's eyes was gone replaced by gentle waves of compassion. "I know this has been a tough time for you. I know you are still getting used to opening up to a therapist. I know you still sometimes forget yourself in the depths of your trauma but Ash, hang in there. The relapse will pass. Things will be alright again."

Ash wanted to cry out. He wanted to say how content he was with Eiji. Instead, he just nodded mutely and snuggled back into his blankets. Eiji smiled down at him.

" I'll come back later to check on you. If you need anything just call" Eiji waited for Ash to nodded again before picking up the bowl of soup and leaving.

As the door shut closed Ash knew that was the last time, he was going to see Eiji. For the first time that reality didn't hurt as bad. It still caused his chest to clench but with Eiji's words in his heart, the pain was soothed. Ash had wanted to tell Eiji the truth as a parting gift but instead, Eiji was the one who gave him a gift. The gift was a lie spoken with so much love and passion that he couldn't help but want to believe it was true. Ash could go to back hell know that for a moment someone cared about him. Eiji would forget and that would be alright. Everything would be alright.

Still a small part of his mind was still agitated. It wanted to call Eiji back one more time. It complained that it didn't get enough of Eiji and his words. It begged for one more hug, one more smile. Ash snorted and pushed it down instead, concentrating on that small voice in his mind. Through the whole exchange with Eiji, it had been surprisingly quiet. Now however it started to get louder. It was getting closer to him. Soon it felt like someone was approaching him….

It was pitch black. Ash wasn't sure where he was. One moment he was in Eiji's room, next, he was in inky nothingness. Ash wasn't even sure if he was physically here. He couldn't feel his body He couldn't move or breathe. For some reason, he knew he didn't need air. He didn't need movement or food here. Here was just a conscience in nothingness. It took him a few seconds of adjusting before he realized there was someone else with him in the nothingness. Before he had time to panic, he realized that the other someone felt familiar. As Ash analyzed it, he realized it was himself.

About time you arrived.

Through the darkness annoyance emulated from the nothingness where his other self was. He felt the voice in his mind, soundlessness.

"Who are you?" he asked or thought. He wasn't sure which one. It didn't really matter though.

Since I woke up in New York City in my 16-year-old self's body, I'm going to guess that I'm you from the future. You took your sweet time reaching out to me. What took you so long? I was starting to think my other theories of being drugged or going to hell were accurate. I don't remember being that complacent when I was your age. I was sure my 16-year-old self would be fighting tooth and claw to get back.

"I did want to come back!" Ash protected. As he did so a wave of guilt and shame wafted from him. He knew his older self felt it.

Really? Then why did you ignore my call? I've been calling you for two days!

"You've been calling me all week."

Surprise oozed through the darkness before being replaced by thoughtfulness. After a few seconds, his future self thought/spoke.

Time must moves differently. I've only been in your timeline for three days.

If his future self could shrug, Ash knew he would. Ash sent a scowl through the darkness. His future self sent back laughter.

"It was two weeks for me."

The laughter stopped abruptly followed by shock.

Two weeks? That meant you were there a week before I even contacted you. Why did you wait that long? Didn't you want to come back?

"I wanted to go back…" It sounded weak and pleading to Ash. "I mean I did at first, but that week was…it was amazing… and then… I didn't think I could return so I was just enjoying it…I kind of felt relieved. Then I heard your voice, and I was going to return, just not right away. I wanted to wait a little longer. That place was paradise" He sounded like a child. His sulkiness and petulant traveled through the darkness. His future self sighed.

So you wanted to stay because Eiji was pampering you.

Annoyance rolled over Ash from his future self.

"It wasn't only that! I just enjoyed….well everything…." He peered off not sure what else to say. He felt his future self roll his eyes again.

Don't try to explain it I know. How do you think I felt going to sleep in paradise and waking up in hell?

There was a pause and concern suddenly emanated from his future self.

Please tell me you didn't do anything stupid there. I better come back to find Eiji happy and healthy. If he's in the hospital or is upset….

His future self petered off clearly not sure how to threaten his past self. Instead, he sent a growl over followed by a wave of protectiveness.

"You're one to talk!" Ash sent his protest over. "You managed to hospitalize him multiple times!"

A begrudge acknowledgment seeped out of his future self.

Did you at least explain everything properly?

"I did explain but he didn't believe me."

That doesn't sound like Eiji. When and what did you exactly say?

Ash felt his future self's suspicion.

"I told him on my last day here. I explained that I wasn't his husband…because at the time I didn't think I was... and that I was a killer."

Oh, past self.

His future self was annoyed again.

You managed to mess this up so badly. Of course, he wasn't going to believe you! If you explained your confusion right away, he would have helped you figure everything out. Since you waited, he probably thought you were going through a really bad relapse. Blurting out your crimes was also a terrible way to go about it. Eiji is adamant that we're innocent. He would just jump to your defense. That was dumb and cruel of you to push all that onto him at the last moment.

His future self was very displeased. It oozed from him and made Ash squirm in shame. Eiji didn't deserve to be put through that. He really shouldn't have needed to deal with him at all….

Eiji chose to deal with us. You shouldn't feel ashamed about that. I just wish you didn't burden him more than I've already had.

The voice sent gentle vibes through their connection. Ash tried to push them away. He didn't need comfort from his future self. They both knew they were terrible people. Ash should never have burdened Eiji in the first place. His future self must have felt his feelings because he sighed.

Was I really this angsty when I was sixteen? I guess therapy really does help. Eiji was right. Damn he never going to let me live this down.

Annoyance and love hit Ash in waves. Ash sent a smile back, his mind on what future Ash had said. So in the future Ash went to therapy. He guessed it was Eiji's doing since he knew he would never talk to a stranger willingly. He really must have changed in the future…

In the future….

"Wait a minute! You're from the future?"

It was quiet for a moment.

That was literally the first thing I said. I KNOW I wasn't this stupid when I was sixteen.

"I know what you said!" Ash sent his irritation over. "It just took me a while to…fully comprehend it." Now that he said it, he really did sound stupid, but the feeling didn't last long. The fact that he really was Eiji's husband overpowered any other thought. That was really his life. He was going to live in paradise. Eiji's words came floating back to him. His passionate declaration that Ash wasn't a criminal. His statement about how Ash was innocent. His loving proclamation about how Ash was his husband. Eiji had told Ash that he was his; that he would stay by his side….and he meant every word of it. He was talking about Ash and Ash alone.

Pure joy emanated from him. If he could, he would be crying now. Instead, he thought/said

"Eiji is real….Eiji is my husband"

Will be your husband.

Love and joy wafted from his future self.

"I'm going to live with Eiji." Excitement and hope poured from his end of nothingness. "I can actually meet him."

Yes.

Pride and love gushed through his future self's connection

My husband is the best. He's my moon, my guiding force. There is no one as gentle, understanding, funny, witty, stubborn, or talented as him. Have you seen any of the photos he's taken?

"No." Ash regrated now that he never paid more attention to Eiji's job.

He has talent. He can make New York City look beautiful. He can make you look human. Don't let him tell you otherwise. He's always too hard on himself.

A conversation he had with Eiji flashed through Ash's mind. "Eiji had a break down a few days ago. He met someone from his past and it made him feel insecure about his photos and…um unworthy of our love." The thought even after so long was ridiculous.

Sadness and horror wafted over from his future self, followed by regret.

That happens sometimes. Eiji can be insecure. I wish I was there. I know I was bad at comforting others at your age

"Sorry." Ash's shame oozed out of him. "I wasn't sure what to do. I just put on a movie and hoped it would help."

That wasn't too bad. Good job.

"I actually thought Eiji was a real angel until that point. Eiji had to be human…I mean he's still my angel but he's not a magnification of all goodness and light or whatever angels are supposed to be.

Multiwinged eye covered fireballs of power and might. Trust me biblical angels are actually quite terrifying. You'd know if you met one….but you are right about one thing. Eiji is still our angel. Just wait until you see him fly!

"Eiji can flight?" If Ash had a heart it would be pounding. As it was his excitement traveled through the darkness. His future self chuckled.

Only once. He pole-vaulted over a wall. It was amazing. I never saw someone fly like that. At that moment I knew I would do anything for him.

Ash listened, his excitement rising. Eiji was real. He was going to meet Eiji. He was going to see Eiji fly. "Everything will be alright then."

There was a pause. Sadness and grief slammed against him from across the nothingness. It felt so heavy that if Ash was somewhere, he would be sinking.

Yes but not for a while. Even after meeting him things are going to get bad…really bad. You're going to lose a lot….You're going to lose…. You're going to lose….

Whatever he wanted to say was too hard for his future self. After a few more waves of grief, his future self got a hold of his emotions.

Never mind. I doubt telling you now is going to change anything anyway. I don't remember this conversation with you or going to the future. You'll probably just forget about all this when you return.

"I won't" Ash sent his determination over. He wasn't just going to forget all this. He would hang on to these memories at any cost.

Perhaps

His future self oozed with pessimistic energy.

If you do remember something, even if it's just a feeling, remember this. Hang in there. Things will get better. The future you saw is achievable. You will find peace in Eiji's arms. Just wait for him and fight with him and never let him go. Don't give up at the library even if you think it's for the best. Just keep fighting a while longer. Eiji will be waiting for you. His soul is with you after all.

Ash remembered Eiji saying the same thing right before he left. He wondered what those words meant. Before he could ask another wave of sadness hit him.

There is so much more I could tell you, but I don't have time. There are so many warnings I could give you, but I have a feeling it won't change anything. Just leave with positive energy now.

Ash could feel himself sinking. He wanted to ask more questions. He wanted to know what was making his future self so sad. He wanted to know more about Eiji. When was he going to meet him? Where was he going to meet him? How long would it take? His future self must have felt his questions because he sent a small chuckle over.

You'll see.

With that, the connection suddenly broke. Ash was fading from the nothings, falling into something. For one second, he glimpsed Eiji returning to the room with a new washcloth before that faded as well.