Hermione quite enjoyed having a rather boring Christmas with her parents, she knew they'd loved having her back, and it had been nice to see them so happy. But really, her heart hadn't been there. Her heart was well and truly in the wizarding world, at Hogwarts. She'd spent such a lot of time thinking and worrying about Snape, that all in all it was a real relief to get back to her school and see him, even if it was only for him to glare at her as she headed down to see Hagrid.

It was lovely to see Harry again, and not nearly as painful to see Ron, or Ron and Lavender snogging, as it had been. Then Harry told her everything he'd overheard between Snape and Malfoy before Christmas. It certainly went a long way to explaining why Snape had appeared so angry.

The Unbreakable Vow.

She'd read all about it, and there really was no way out; if you broke it, you died. And for Snape to have made one with Malfoy's mother … it didn't seem likely he was lying, it would be too easy for Malfoy to write home to check… That meant Snape must surely have been telling the truth … and that meant he had to protect Malfoy or he'd … die. Why would he do something like that? What if he had to break the Vow for the Order? The whole thing was so dangerous…

Harry was staring at her.

* "Don't you think — ?"

"— he was pretending to offer help so that he could trick Malfoy into telling him what he's doing?"

"Well, yes," she said.

"Ron's dad and Lupin think so," Harry said grudgingly. "But this definitely proves Malfoy's planning something, you can't deny that."

"No, I can't," she answered slowly.

She stared across the room, lost in a fresh wave of worry about the precarious position of Professor Snape. "How's Lupin?"

"Not great," said Harry, and he told her all about Lupin's mission among the werewolves and the difficulties he was facing. "Have you heard of this Fenrir Greyback?"

"Yes, I have!" she said, momentarily startled back into the present. "And so have you, Harry!"

"When, History of Magic? You know full well I never listened ..."

"No, no, not History of Magic — Malfoy threatened Borgin with him!" said Hermione. "Back in Knockturn Alley, don't you remember? He told Borgin that Greyback was an old family friend and that he'd be checking up on Borgin's progress!"

Harry gaped at her. "I forgot! But this proves Malfoy's a Death Eater, how else could he be in contact with Greyback and telling him what to do?"

"It is pretty suspicious," she breathed. "Unless ..."

"Oh, come on," said Harry in exasperation, "you can't get round this one!"

"Well ... there is the possibility it was an empty threat."

"You're unbelievable, you are," said Harry, shaking his head. "We'll see who's right... You'll be eating your words, Hermione, just like the Ministry. Oh yeah, I had a row with Rufus Scrimgeour as well..."

And the rest of the evening passed amicably with both of them abusing the Minister of Magic, after all the Ministry had put Harry through the previous year, they had a great deal of nerve asking him for help now.* She almost forgot to think about her Professor for a few hours, but as soon as she was alone again, her thoughts became totally consumed by him. She trusted Snape, and that hadn't changed, but what on earth was he doing making Unbreakable Vows with Death Eater's wives? He was in so much danger already…. Could this have something to do with the terrible thing he had to do? Or could this be it? Something seriously didn't add up. With her thoughts going nowhere, Hermione eventually slipped into a very uneasy sleep.

Her energy over the next few days was half devoted to fretting about Snape and half devoted to pretending she was doing no such thing and everything was normal. Aside from the slight distraction of all Harry had learnt from Dumbledore in their latest lesson, and his strange homework of securing a memory from Slughorn that Dumbledore himself had been unable to retrieve, it was all she could think about. She couldn't look at Snape in class or in the Hall, terrified her face would give something away, to him as well as anyone else who might be looking.

Finally, on the fourth day of very little sleep and a twisting stomach, she hung back at the end of their Defence class, determined to just speak to Snape about it. When she was the only student left in the room, Snape looked up from his desk and regarded her with those deep obsidian eyes.

"Well, Miss Granger?"

Her heart did a back flip. This was the first time she'd been alone with him, or even properly looked at him, since Slughorn's party.

"Sir, I … well, I wanted to ask you something … something that … something that someone overheard." She'd already decided that bringing Harry's name into this wouldn't be a good idea.

He continued to stare at her, and even as the time elapsed between them, she found she couldn't gather her thoughts.

"I … well I – someone overheard you before Christmas … well, they said they overheard that you'd … that yo – you'd made the … the Unbreakable Vow … to protect Draco Malfoy."

She thought she saw a slight flash of fear on Snape's face but it was gone too quickly for her to be sure.

"Potter?" He asked slowly, his voice dangerously low.

She nodded, not wanting to lie to him, and knowing there was little point anyway. Snape pinched the bridge of his nose.

"And what did you wish to ask me?"

Her stomach turned over. He hadn't denied it. Half of her had just hoped this was something that Harry had interpreted dreadfully wrong.

"Well …" She paused, there were about a million questions she wanted to ask him, but she'd have to be careful; Snape hadn't sent her running yet but that didn't mean he wouldn't…

"Is it true?"

His gaze became heavier and she fought the impulse to start squirming.

"Who else did Potter tell?" He asked.

"Only myself and Ron, sir," she answered quickly, "and Professor Dumbledore I think."

A look of mingled anger and satisfaction flashed on Snape's tired and thin face.

"It's true." He answered simply.

She gaped at him for what felt like several minutes.

"It's true?" She repeated stupidly.

"Yes." Said Snape calmly. "And do you still trust me, Miss Granger, knowing as you do, that I've made an Unbreakable Vow to protect the child of a Death Eater?"

"Yes of course." She snapped, flashing him a glare for good measure. How many times was he going to test her? "But sir, if you break the Vow you'll … well you'll die," to her humiliation she felt tears prickle in her eyes and quickly blinked and looked away, "what if you have to break it for the Order or something, sir? This must surely make everything so much more … precarious?"

She looked back up at him and the intensity of his gaze made her blush. She'd moved closer to his desk at some point so she now stood directly before him.

"I will not betray the Order." Snape said slowly, a frown marring his face.

"But if it becomes a choice between breaking the Vow, or betraying the Order… Then … then betray them. Please!" Her voice had become a little shrill and tears threatened in her eyes once again. She was discussing Snape's death, how had this happened? And when had his life become more important to her than the Order? Nothing should be more important than that.

"I will not betray the Order." He repeated, fire in his eyes.

She turned away from him as she fought to get herself under control. Snape would die rather than betray the Order, that should be reassuring, but it made her feel … awful … terrified.

"Does this have something to do with the terrible thing you have to do?" She looked back at him in time to see his hands turn to fists convulsively.

"Your word, Miss Granger - "

"I won't say anything to anyone sir, I promise." She said quickly, feeling her heart rate increase.

"It … it has everything to do with … that." He said stiffly, looking endearingly awkward.

"And the … the thing … it's for Dumbledore?"

"Yes. But that is all I'm saying on the matter." He snapped.

So Snape had to do a terrible thing for Dumbledore that had everything to do with the Unbreakable Vow he'd made to protect Malfoy… Another question popped into her head at random.

"Sir, the Headmaster's hand - " Snape froze and she stared at him in confusion.

"Enough." He said roughly, cutting across her. "Enough, Miss Granger, I have suffered you presence for long enough. You are dismissed."

She stood frozen for a second, staring openly at Snape, his abrupt dismissal was not entirely unexpected, but it was strange that it came after such an innocuous question… And the look on Snape's face when he'd interrupted her … he'd appeared … panicked….

"Take care of yourself, sir." She said quietly as she left his classroom.

Hermione knew she should be feeling immeasurably relieved; Snape would not betray the Order, and it was all for Dumbledore; the terrible thing, and surely the Vow too if they were related… But instead she felt really quite uneasy. Snape would die if he broke the Vow. That was scary enough but there must be a high chance that protecting a Death Eater's child would come into conflict with staying loyal to the Order… 'I will not betray the Order.' Then he would die. But somehow this was all for Dumbledore. And Dumbledore's hand …. there was something important about that too. It was all so confusing.

She stared blankly at the Fat Lady's portrait for some time before she had the presence of mind to utter the password. She'd spoken to Snape, but now she was far more confused, and had far more questions than answers….

*The snow melted around the school as February arrived, to be replaced by cold, dreary wetness. Purplish-grey clouds hung low over the castle and a constant fall of chilly rain made the lawns slippery and muddy. The upshot of this was that the sixth-years' first Apparition lesson, which was scheduled for a Saturday morning so that no normal lessons would be missed, took place in the Great Hall instead of in the grounds.*

It was an interesting enough period, Harry snuck off to keep an eye on Malfoy and, although she would never admit it to him, she was quite pleased; he might inadvertently overhear something that was relevant to the whole Snape-Malfoy-Dumbledore situation.

By the end of the lesson she still hadn't managed to Disapparate, but she couldn't say she was surprised; her heart hadn't been in it at all. She'd spent most of the lesson trying to steal looks at Snape, as if she could find the answers to all her questions written on his face. She'd had to stop after he'd flashed her a particularly murderous glare though.

She dreaded the days when she didn't have Defence Against the Dark Arts, it was stupid really, childish, but when she could see Snape, in lessons or even just in the Hall, however tired or stressed or weary he looked, she knew he was … well enough. Alive. And when she couldn't see him …. well … anything could have happened to him. He was in so much danger. Hermione kept wanting to see him, to talk to him, but she could think of no reason to, and the man himself didn't seem too keen on her at the minute, so the days slipped into weeks, and she took what comfort she could from just … looking at him.

Severus Snape had told Hermione Granger far too much.

She knew about the Unbreakable Vow, not the full extent of course, but all the same…

When the students had returned from the Christmas Holidays, it had honestly come as a relief, for the first time … perhaps ever. Over Christmas he'd had to attend many Death Eater meetings, which were becoming more and more hideous, and many Order meetings, which weren't going particularly well on any front. He was torn between one Master who was becoming increasingly frustrated by his lack of inside information, and one Master who was becoming increasingly frustrated by his lack of knowledge of Draco's plans. One used physical pain as a punishment, one used emotional pain. He had no idea which was worse.

And then Granger hadn't been looking at him. She literally hadn't looked at him for days. And he'd been angry and confused and hurt an angry and confused by his own reaction to it. But her behaviour had been because she'd found out about the Vow. Bloody fucking meddling Potter. But Granger still trusted him. And she worried about him and cared about him and if it ever came to it, she wanted him to betray the Order and save his life. When she'd said that, when she'd had tears in her eyes and said that … everything had just … burned. His chest, his face, his hands … everything. She hadn't even really realised what she'd said, what it meant, but that insufferable little girl had grown into a young woman who … who really valued his life. His life. Slimy greasy ugly Severus Snape. If only she knew what she'd been asking. Granger would think he had betrayed the Order when he … killed Dumbledore. She didn't realise what she was asking and he couldn't tell her… He just couldn't.

Severus walked along the grounds with Dumbledore, the evening light making the scene all the more beautiful, but he couldn't appreciate the sight right now; this was no walk for pleasure, and both teacher and Headmaster knew it.

**"What are you doing with Potter, all these evenings you are closeted together?" He asked abruptly.

Dumbledore looked weary, it sent a shiver of unease down his spine.

"I spend time with Harry because I have things to discuss with him, information I must give him before it is too late."

"Information," Severus repeated, feeling an old pain stir in his heart. "You trust him ... you do not trust me."

"It is not a question of trust. I have, as we both know, limited time. It is essential that I give the boy enough information for him to do what he needs to do."

"And why may I not have the same information?"

"I prefer not to put all of my secrets in one basket, particularly not a basket that spends so much time dangling on the arm of Lord Voldemort."

"Which I do on your orders!"

And there it was. He did as Dumbledore asked, but somehow it made him untrustworthy.

"And you do it extremely well. Do not think that I underestimate the constant danger in which you place yourself, Severus. To give Voldemort what appears to be valuable information while withholding the essentials is a job I would entrust to nobody but you."

"Yet you confide much more in a boy who is incapable of Occlumency, whose magic is mediocre, and who has a direct connection into the Dark Lord's mind!"

"Voldemort fears that connection," said Dumbledore. "Not so long ago he had one small taste of what truly sharing Harry's mind means to him. It was pain such as he has never experienced. He will not try to possess Harry again, I am sure of it. Not in that way."

"I don't understand."

"Lord Voldemort's soul, maimed as it is, cannot bear close contact with a soul like Harry's. Like a tongue on frozen steel, like flesh in flame - "

"Souls? We were talking of minds!"

"In the case of Harry and Lord Voldemort, to speak of one is to speak of the other."

That sounded incredibly ominous.

Dumbledore glanced around to make sure that they were alone. They were close by the Forbidden Forest now, but there was no sign of anyone near them.

"After you have killed me, Severus - "

"You refuse to tell me everything, yet you expect that small service of me!" He snarled, and real pain, real anger flared through him. "You take a great deal for granted, Dumbledore! Perhaps I have changed my mind!"

"You gave me your word, Severus. And while we are talking about services you owe me, I thought you agreed to keep a close eye on our young Slytherin friend?"

Dumbledore sighed.

"Come to my office tonight, Severus, at eleven, and you shall not complain that I have no confidence in you..."**

And off Dumbledore went, off in a swish of ludicrously coloured robes. Well, at least he'd tried, for some reason standing up to the Headmaster wasn't easy. He didn't like Dumbledore much at all, but he didn't want him to die, he didn't want to kill him. But he had to now. Of all the many reasons he didn't want to kill Dumbledore, he hadn't expected the thought of Granger's trust in him finally failing, to be the one that haunted him, kept him up in the night. He knew Draco wouldn't be able to kill Dumbledore, and he'd sworn to fulfil the task if Draco failed. So it became a question of Dumbledore's life, or his own. But Dumbledore's life held a lot more value than his, even if the old man was dying. He sighed and headed slowly back to the castle, wondering what on earth he was going to learn from Dumbledore now…

He found himself seated at the Headmaster's desk at just gone 11pm. Dumbledore himself was … restless. His obvious unease created a knot of worry in Severus' stomach. He sat very still, his mind blank and calm, his shields ready.

**"Now listen closely, Severus. There will come a time - after my death - do not argue, do not interrupt! There will come a time when Lord Voldemort will seem to fear for the life of his snake."

"For Nagini?" Severus repeated, astonished.

"Precisely. If there comes a time when Lord Voldemort stops sending that snake forth to do his bidding, but keeps it safe beside him under magical protection, then, I think, it will be safe to tell Harry."

"Tell him what?"

Dumbledore took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Severus braced himself.

"Tell him that on the night Lord Voldemort tried to kill him, when Lily cast her own life between them as a shield, the Killing Curse rebounded upon Lord Voldemort, and a fragment of Voldemort's soul was blasted apart from the whole, and latched itself onto the only living soul left in that collapsed building. Part of Lord Voldemort lives inside Harry, and it is that which gives him the power of speech with snakes, and a connection with Lord Voldemort's mind that he has never understood. And while that fragment of soul, unmissed by Voldemort, remains attached to and protected by Harry, Lord Voldemort cannot die."

"So the boy ... the boy must die?" he asked, his calm voice entirely at odds with the absolute turmoil inside.

"And Voldemort himself must do it, Severus. That is essential."

There was a long silence as Severus tried to process this information through the pounding in his ears. When he spoke, his voice seemed to be coming from a long way away. "I thought ... all those years ... that we were protecting him for her. For Lily."

Betrayal. Disbelief. Shock. That was what the pounding was. Pain.

"We have protected him because it has been essential to teach him, to raise him, to let him try his strength," said Dumbledore, his eyes still tight shut. "Meanwhile, the connection between them grows ever stronger, a parasitic growth. Sometimes I have thought he suspects it himself. If I know him, he will have arranged matters so that when he does set out to meet his death, it will truly mean the end of Voldemort."

Dumbledore opened his eyes and all Severus could do was stare at him in horror.

"You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?"

"Don't be shocked, Severus. How many men and women have you watched die?"

"Lately, only those whom I could not save," he said, another anger firing up inside him. He stood up. "You have used me."

"Meaning?"

"I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter's son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter - "

"But this is touching, Severus," said Dumbledore seriously. "Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?"

"For him?" he shouted, and, not stopping to think, "Expecto Patronum!"

From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe. She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to him, and his blue eyes were full of tears.

"After all this time?"

"Always," he said** and then all but ran from the office.

How could this have happened? How? Dumbledore … he was supposed to be … good. And now Potter had to die. There was certainly no love between them but …. he was Lily's. His whole life since that terrible night had been about keeping Potter safe … for Lily. And now….

Lily's son had to die.

He slammed his office door behind him and slumped into a chair, his hands covering his face.

His whole life… everything he'd done … and the boy was going to die. The boy had to die.

Miss Granger … her best friend.

Another pain stabbed in his chest. His doe.

"Expecto Patronum."

There she was, his doe. His loyal doe.

But…

She was different.

Only slightly.

But…

She was less … elegant.

Her eyes were more … understanding … more … intelligent.

Why?

His doe was a representation of Lily. Unrequited love. Lily.

So why … why was his doe … different?

Ron had been poisoned. Ron had almost … almost died. Ron had almost died and she'd been – really, really rude to him. A lot. And he'd almost died.

*"... and then I got the bezoar down his throat and his breathing eased up a bit, Slughorn ran for help, McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey turned up, and they brought Ron up here. They reckon he'll be all right. Madam Pomfrey says he'll have to stay here a week or so ... keep taking essence of rue …"

"Blimey, it was lucky you thought of a bezoar," said George in a low voice.

"Lucky there was one in the room," said Harry.*

Hermione's whole body turned cold. Ron had come so close to dying, and she hadn't been speaking to him. All because he'd been snogging someone else. She hadn't even really cared that much after a while, it wasn't as if she really felt that way about Ron, it had become just about the principle. And he'd almost died. And they hadn't made up. And it was all because of her bloody pride.

She found she kept tuning in and out of the conversation, torn between the real world and the happenings in her head.

*"Someone couldn' have a grudge against the Gryffindor Quidditch team, could they?" said Hagrid anxiously. "Firs' Katie, now Ron ..."

"I can't see anyone trying to bump off a Quidditch team," said George.

"Wood might've done the Slytherins if he could've got away with it," said Fred fairly.

"Well, I don't think it's Quidditch, but I think there's a connection between the attacks," she said quietly, ready to voice one of the many dark thoughts that had been plaguing her.

"How d'you work that out?" asked Fred.

"Well, for one thing, they both ought to have been fatal and weren't, although that was pure luck. And for another, neither the poison nor the necklace seems to have reached the person who was supposed to be killed. Of course," she added broodingly, "that makes the person behind this even more dangerous in a way, because they don't seem to care how many people they finish off before they actually reach their victim."*

She knew she was right, it was someone clumsy, inexperienced and incredibly reckless and unfeeling.

Then Mr and Mrs Weasley arrived, and she, Harry and Hagrid took their leave.

Hagrid was talking.

*"I mean, it's always bin a bit of a risk sendin a kid ter Hogwarts, hasn' it? Yer expect accidents, don' yeh, with hundreds of underage wizards all locked up tergether, but attempted murder, tha's diiff'rent. 'S'no wonder Dumbledore's angry with Sn —"

Hagrid stopped in his tracks, a familiar, guilty expression on what was visible of his face above his tangled black beard.

"What?" said Harry quickly. "Dumbledore's angry with Snape?"

"I never said tha'," said Hagrid, though his look of panic could not have been a bigger giveaway. "Look at the time, it's gettin' on fer midnight, I need ter —"

"Hagrid, why is Dumbledore angry with Snape?" Harry asked loudly.

Hermione's stomach tightened.

"Shhhh!" said Hagrid, looking both nervous and angry. "Don' shout stuff like that, Harry, d'yeh wan' me ter lose me job? Mind, I don' suppose yeh'd care, would yeh, not now yeh've given up Care of Mag—"

"Don't try and make me feel guilty, it won't work!" said Harry forcefully. "What's Snape done?"

"I dunno, Harry, I shouldn'ta heard it at all! I — well, I was comin' outta the forest the other evenin' an' I overheard 'em talking— well, arguin'. Didn't like ter draw attention to meself, so I sorta skulked an tried not ter listen, but it was a — well, a heated discussion an' it wasn' easy ter block it out."

"Well?" Harry urged him, as Hagrid shuffled his enormous feet uneasily.

"Well — I jus' heard Snape sayin' Dumbledore took too much fer granted an maybe he — Snape — didn' wan' ter do it any more —"

Oh God.

The terrible thing.

Snape had told Dumbledore he didn't want to do it.

That had to be what they were talking about.

"Do what?"

"I dunno, Harry, it sounded like Snape was feelin' a bit overworked, tha's all — anyway, Dumbledore told him flat out he'd agreed ter do it an' that was all there was to it. Pretty firm with him. An' then he said summat abou' Snape makin' investigations in his House, in Slytherin. Well, there's nothin' strange abou' that!" Hagrid added hastily. "All the Heads o' Houses were asked ter look inter that necklace business —"

"Yeah, but Dumbledore's not having rows with the rest of them, is he?" said Harry.

"Look," Hagrid twisted his crossbow uncomfortably in his hands; there was a loud splintering sound and it snapped in two. "I know what yeh're like abou' Snape, Harry, an' I don' want yeh ter go readin' more inter this than there is."*

Hermione didn't know about Harry, but she was certainly reading a lot into this, whether it was more than what was logical, she didn't know. Snape had told Dumbledore he didn't want to do 'it' anymore. But Dumbledore had said he'd agreed to do 'it', and so he had to. What in God's name was 'it'? She felt a flare of hot, fierce anger at the Headmaster. He was making Snape do something he didn't want to do, something awful, and he wasn't giving him a choice.

'I have no choice.'

That's what he'd said to her, all those weeks ago, and it seemed he'd been right. He had no choice.

She went to her bed at the first opportunity and lay in the dark, her head spinning with thoughts of cursed necklaces, poisoned mead, Ron lying in the Hospital Wing, her own cursed pride, an unseen assailant within Hogwarts, and poor, poor Snape, with his sadness and his dread and his dangerous life.

Here we go :) I know there's quite a lot straight from the books in this chapter and I'm sorry to those who don't like it when I do that but, as you are probably aware by now, that's just how I role.

I'm afraid I may have to slightly decrease the frequency with which I post chapters - I have a lot of work this year and I'm struggling to keep up with it all and have a chapter written by the end of the week. I think I'll either start making it an every other week thing or just post as I'm finished, which would probably we a round the 10 day mark, but perhaps a little later. If anyone had any strong preferences let me know :) I wish I could keep it up this pace but I don't think I'll be able too, I'm sorry :/

*Text between one asterisk* from Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - J.K Rowling

**Text between two asterisks** from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J.K Rowling.

mundy - I'm glad you think it works, although I think of him as being 'human' rather than 'a bit weak and emotional' ;) totally get what you mean though! Thanks for your review x

vaila - Pleased you think explaining Severus' feelings sheds light on his actions :) I'll try to find a compromise between slow and gradual and the raw intensity between them as much as I can - although Hermione is 17 now and of age in the wizarding world so things will start to step up a bit, even if a relationship between them is going to be very hard with the circumstances their in. I'll do the best that I can with updates I promise ;) Thanks for reviewing x