You would have had no idea.

You could believe you are a fairly perspicacious person. You could think you are able to pin down people's personality quite well. When you make assumptions about someone, you generally are right. But this time… How could you have known?

Whichever way I look at it, I still can't help but think that I should have guessed. I should have seen…

It explains so much… You know, I quickly understood that, it probably ended ugly with his ex. Hugo barely mentions him, never names him. The guy is only "Ernest's dad", "his other dad", "my ex". Also, in the almost nine months I have been living in the cul de sac, I have never seen him picking or dropping up Ernest on the weekends.

Hugo always cut conversations short when it is about him, no matter the context or circumstances. When I tried to ask him how things were between him and his ex, he only muttered "we don't talk", and looked down at his shoes. This should have tipped me off… You know… I just thought that, well it probably still was painful for him. A breakup never is easy, let alone a divorce… I cannot imagine. May be, they had a fight over Ernest's custody?

About Ernest, this too should have raised a red flag. At Amanda's party, Ernest came up to me and, well,… he kind of approved of me… which I appreciate. After all, he does actually care about his dad's well being. Although I'm not entirely sure he knows how close Hugo and I actually are…. But I am derailing. That day, he said to me people tended to not be kind with his dad. He included himself in that (not surprising), and Hugo's ex (a bit more surprising). Which now let me think, does Ernest know the full extent of this? Does he knows… how bad it got?

Nobody seemed to know about this either. Nor even suspect. After all, Hugo's ex was always classified as the "cool dad". I asked people who Hugo was closest to, like Damien. He told me he simply assumed the two outgrew each other. Both of them were pretty busy with work at the end, may be passion died out or something. It happens after all, people fall out of love all the time. Others had not a clue about why and since Hugo appeared defensive with this... They never asked. I would have been certain Mary would have tried to dig around.

"But, why would you want to know? Just ask Hugo… But… It's not really a good thing to ask about exes you know…" Well… I guess I did had a hunch after all, just didn't fully trusted it.

What finally made the penny drop, was Hugo's reaction when we had our first "serious" argument. Something about meeting each other's parents… Something a bit silly… Yet he got visibly uneasy. Kept his gaze down avoiding eye contact, scratched the back of his head, he seemed to be struggling to stand still… I had never seen Hugo looking this anxious. And… to be fair he is a fairly stressed person. But that was another level. I couldn't think something I had said would get him in such a state. And since he was originally enthusiastic about meeting my family and is the one who asked for it, it wasn't that either. Yet I clearly had triggered something.

It was too odd, too unusual, so I started digging. Asked what was wrong, asked if he was ok, asked if he was mad at me, asked if we should talk another time, asked if there was something else. It was complicated not to insist. He clearly closed up, and I didn't want to cross a boundary he was trying to set up. I cared way too much to do something that foolish.

You know, I am not the type of guy who raise his voice, or yells when he's angry. Amanda would tell you, it really need to be something absolutely outraging for me to even get louder. If I'm mad, and again, she knows this too well, I deepen my voice. But I tend to make a lot of gesture when I'm frustrated. We're tactile person in the family, very expressive…

At some point, Hugo got startled when I raised my hand to make a face-palm. I guess I did move too quickly, or stood too close at this instant. He even took a step back. He thought I hadn't notice and tried to evade the issue but kept a certain physical distance from me. He looked shaken up. He was avoiding eye contact at all cost, kept picking at his sleeve. I couldn't believe it. I had to say something. "Did you… got scared I was going to hit you?"

I was certain he was going to have a melt down. He was on the verge of it.

I let him a moment to regain his composure. He needed it.

"This is not just our argument? This isn't about the Sunday dinner, there's something else, right?"

He took a while before answering. He let out a deep sigh and nodded. We were still standing a few feet apart, he remained there for a long minute in silence, arms crossed, staring at the ground.

"Listen, I would like to know what is wrong. I really care about you, Hugo… And I… I don't know what this is, but it seems bad… But I-… When you are ready, ok?"

That day, we had planned to spend the night together. I was worried he would have asked me to leave. But to my surprise, he even specifically asked me to stay. I guess, he felt the need not to stay alone. I guess my presence was still reassuring to him.

Hugo opened up to me. He was distressed. He kept playing with the edge of the blanket, even his eyes were watery. I could tell it was complicated for him to speak about this, his voice was shaking and he had trouble finding certain words. I listened very carefully and patiently.

I couldn't have known…

How ugly it got with his ex.

A honeymoon at first. The sweetest guy, of course. The perfect match. They shared so much, had common interest, same sense of humor… Disagreements on certain point didn't matter. They were so passionate about each other.

Until Ernest arrived in their life… Not that it's Ernest fault of course, Hugo was very clear about that. He is just part of the events that made him reveal his true face.

Hugo always have wanted to be a parent. Always. The ex… Wasn't so certain, yet agreed. Although, things went smoothly enough when Ernest was a baby… I couldn't help but notice the first red flags… Flags Hugo didn't see at the time. You know, having a kid isn't easy at first, it's life changing, so many things are happening, you feel like everything goes so fast, you can't get a grip yet you do everything you can to be as present as possible. You wouldn't have noticed. You couldn't. You were in love.

To take care of the baby, Hugo started working a lot less, and you know how much Hugo loves his job. Hugo took care of the house, Hugo took care of the food, the laundry… Pretty much everything. He did put his life on hold. His ex did not. His ex did nothing to adapt to all the changes necessary.

Daily fights began… As Ernest was growing up, more and more tensions appeared. But his ex was very good to maintain a good look in public. He is the "cool dad", but also the cool husband, always smiling, always good looking, so lovely with his man, so charming…

I thought to myself, "oh, this sounds familiar.. Ahem.. Joseph and Mary… ahem" But I truly hope it won't get as bad for them as it got for Hugo.

Each year it worsened. Ernest was more of Hugo's responsibility than his ex's. Never really took is role as a father very seriously. Yet he often managed to make Hugo look like the bad guy in the eyes of his own son. Of course he's the bad guy, he's the one who has to say no to you when you want a new toy, the one who makes you eat your broccoli, the one who look after your homework.

Hugo often stopped and specified, almost each time he mentioned Ernest, how much he loves him and how it wasn't his fault. Ernest is just a child, he has nothing to do with all of this. Hugo never regretted having him, not a single second. No matter how complicated to handle Ernest can be sometimes. You would just have to see how his eyes shine when he talks about him… Hugo felt sorry for him. It must not be easy for him to see his parents getting a divorce. I must not have been easy to see the fights…

Multiple times during his tale, Hugo did put the blame on himself. How he made his ex mad by not doing things exactly how he wanted. How he could have compromised better. How he could have been a better spouse. He even belittled himself. I couldn't belive my ears. But I listened silently until the end.

With arguments, came insults; with insults, came humiliations; with humiliations, came slaps… and worse. The guy was "quick-tempered". Oh what a nice way to put it. But after each crisis, he would come back with hugs and kisses, cute words. Of course. It's always how this goes with these kind of men.

Hugo's words were filled with insinuations. I understood he tried to make things work for a long time. Doing everything he could, agreeing to things he didn't want, forgiving the unforgivable, erasing his own passion to give his ex more space in his life… To please this guy. What wouldn't you do for love… right? Behind each sentence, something far worse lurked between the lines… This guy, he did the worst someone can ever do.

When I think about all the things this guy did to him… I am glad I never saw him, and hope I never will. For the guy's sake. He mocked most of the things Hugo likes, forced him more than once to do what he wanted, when he wanted, how he wanted. There was always a threat somewhere. Everything was double edged. Not a singe time did this guy do something kind, just for the sake of it.

Even if it was five years ago, everything sounded fresh in his head. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to rebuild yourself after all that. The hardest must have been the realization. When the penny drops. When you realize how miserable the person you love made you.

I am horrified he had to go trough this. For years. But now things starts to make a bit more sense. Why Hugo is always so concerned when Ernest goes to his other dad, why he hid his passion that much, why he seems so insecure, why he does rarely say when something bothers him, why he do his best to avoid conflict…

I am incredibly grateful he did share this with me. You'd need a whole lot of courage to tell someone all this, knowing full well this could end up the same horrible way. I dearly hope I am something good for him. Something truly good.

You wouldn't have had any idea… You wouldn't have guessed how bad it was. In a way, you're thankful for that: your pain isn't written all over your face.

That night. I could have sworn. I hear a noise in the hall way. As if someone was listening to the bedroom door.