Author's Notes: Hello again, all! Thanks so much to everyone for reading, following, favoriting (that's not a word, but I think it should be), and reviewing (thank you to evattude and kiarcheo)! I hope you all enjoy this new chapter. I'm hoping to still be able to update fairly regularly (and I will also be working on posting the next installment of Catherine Willows' Guide ASAP!). I might also possibly have another Cath/Sara story in the works because that's just where my brain has been going lately... let me know if you want to read it :)
This new chapter includes a lot of dialogue between the two ladies. One thing I wanted to point out before you begin reading is that Catherine's "official" character biography changed a lot over time – one of the biggest changes being that it originally stated she was born in Montana, and then was revised to say she was born in Vegas. For the purposes of this story, I chose to go with the original bio with her hailing from Montana and later moving to Vegas.
Anyway, enough from me – I hope that you will enjoy this new chapter!
Catherine drummed her fingers against the desk as her gaze once again fell on the wall clock. As had been the case the last five times she'd looked, shift still wasn't over, and she was beginning to lose her patience.
Fifteen minutes left. Okay, she could handle that. Fifteen minutes, then she'd grab her things, meet Sara at the door, and they'd walk out to her car together. She'd call to have a pizza delivered and maybe she could run in a liquor store near Sara's apartment to grab a six-pack. Easy.
It should be easy, Catherine thought to herself, chewing on the inside of her bottom lip. We're just going to eat dinner and chat. So why the hell does my damn stomach feel like it's doing flips?
It's not like it was a date, after all. Sure, she and Sara had definitely been flirting back and forth – especially earlier at this afternoon at the crime-scene – but it wasn't like they were in a relationship or anything. They'd both acknowledged that there was a mutual attraction… that was all. Okay, and there had been an awkward, sloppy, impromptu kiss, but really, that hardly even mattered at this point. They'd discussed it, and it was all fine.
It didn't prevent Catherine from feeling like a nervous teenager, though. She wondered how Sara was faring. Given how stoic and professional the brunette always appeared, Catherine doubted she was anywhere near as nervous as she currently was.
"…so y'all are definitely looking for a nine millimeter semi-automatic handgun."
Catherine blinked, and suddenly remembered that she was standing in the ballistics lab and Bobby Dawson had been talking to her for several minutes about the shell casings they'd recovered at the crime-scene. In embarrassment, she realized she hadn't heard a word.
"Um, right," Catherine cleared her throat. "Nine mil, semi-automatic."
Bobby spun in his swivel chair, tilting his head as he shot her a smirk. "You didn't hear a thing I just said, did you?"
"No, of course I did," Catherine insisted. "You said that based on the shell casings we covered from the scene, we're looking for a nine millimeter semi-automatic as the gun that fired them."
"And what did I say before that?"
Catherine again bit her lip, and at Bobby's knowing smirk, she offered him a shrug and a charming grin. "Something about guns, I'm sure?"
Bobby laughed, shaking his head. "Come on, Catherine, you're telling me you were really spaced out for that entire spiel?"
"I'm sorry, Bobby. It's not you, I promise. I've just been a bit distracted lately."
"No worries, Cath," Bobby shot her an understanding smile. The gesture was probably meant to put her at ease, but instead, it made her slightly uncomfortable. Was he being so understanding because he knew about what had happened last night with Eddie? Had he heard something, and if he had, did everyone else know?
She stopped herself, letting out a deep breath. No, that was ridiculous, and there was absolutely no way in hell she was going to let Eddie make her this paranoid, especially around her friends and colleagues. Besides, she knew Gil and Jim wouldn't have said anything, nor would Sara, who had already proven at this point that she took the blonde's privacy very seriously.
"What I was saying was, these shell casings y'all recovered from the scene? They're all beat to hell. Now, casings are bound to get scratched up when they're ejected from a gun and roll around on the pavement, but this kind of damage ain't normal. There's a good chance that the gun that fired these puppies has got a damaged firing pin or some other internal damage."
"Which might make it easier to identify," Catherine concluded, "so if we find a gun matching the description, check it, and find damage… it'll probably be enough to get a warrant so we can collect it, test-fire, and confirm."
"You got it."
"Great," Catherine shot Bobby a smile, and patted him on the shoulder. A quick glance at the clock told her shift was over in five minutes, and her smile grew brighter. "Thanks, Bobby. I'll see you tomorrow."
The blonde walked out of the ballistics lab and strolled into the locker room to collect her things. She'd barely pulled her locker door open when she turned and noticed Sara standing in the doorway. "Hey."
"Hey," the brunette greeted her, "just left the postmortem with Doc Robbins. COD on our John Doe was exsanguination from multiple GSWs. Doc identified five wounds total – the first hit the chest and punctured a lung. From there, all the fight left the vic and he bled out in minutes."
"So there was really no reason to fire the other four shots," Catherine frowned, tugging her jacket on over her shoulders. "If it was self-defense, the first shot would have eliminated any immediate threat. If the intention was to kill, same thing – the vic probably would've stopped breathing or would have bled out before help arrived. That means the remaining four shots were just plain overkill." The victim's wallet had been missing from his personal effects, which had made them both initially think that this was an armed robbery gone wrong, but they weren't usually this brutal.
"Maybe it was personal, someone he knew?" Sara offered. "Hopefully we'll get a hit in AFIS from his prints so we can put a name to our vic's face."
"Right," Catherine nodded, closing up her locker after grabbing her purse. Seeing that Sara was still in full CSI mode, she bit back a smile. "You about ready to get going?"
"What?" Sara blinked, glanced at the clock in the corner, and her eyes went wide. "Oh, shift's over. Yeah, uh, sorry. Let me grab my stuff and I'll meet you at the door."
"I'll wait," Catherine shrugged, moving aside so Sara could access her own locker. She tried to tell herself that she was waiting to walk out with Sara because the difference was only probably a few seconds, not that she was a bit nervous about starting to walk out by herself after Eddie had accosted her in the parking lot. "So, got any pizza topping preferences? Except for no meat, of course."
Sara turned to her in surprise as she grabbed her jacket from where it was hanging in her locker. "…You know I'm a vegetarian?"
"Of course." The look of utter bafflement on Sara's face made Catherine laugh. "Even if Gil hadn't mentioned it to me after that case where you two stayed up with that dead pig, I'm pretty sure every time I've ever seen you eat, you're clearly not eating meat. Why do you look so surprised? I do kind of make observations for a living, you know."
"Of course," Sara cleared her throat, nudging the door to her locker closed as she draped her jacket over her arm. "It's just… I guess I didn't think anyone had noticed."
"Yeah, and I didn't think that you'd be able to perfectly tell how I take my coffee after sharing one meal with me, but you did," Catherine reminded her with a cheeky grin, stepping out into the hallway. "You ready?"
"Sure," Sara nodded, following the blonde into the hallway. They both waved to Judy at the front desk as they walked by. "And to answer your question, no, I really don't have any preferences… except no anchovies." The brunette made a face.
"Good, I'm with you there," Catherine replied, reaching into her pocket for her cell phone as they stepped into the parking lot. Her heart was pounding at the thought of Eddie possibly waiting for her, but she pretended that she was unbothered, hoping that externally she was projecting an air of apathy as she dialed the number for her favorite pizza place. As she placed an order for a large vegetarian pizza, she noticed that Sara was carefully cataloging their surroundings, her hand close to the gun on her hip as they approached her Tahoe.
With the food ordered, Catherine climbed into the passenger's seat of the car and breathed a silent sigh of relief. Sara hopped in the driver's seat and a moment later, they were heading down the street toward her apartment.
Silence filled the first stretch of the trip, until Sara spoke. "You didn't have to order an entire vegetarian pizza, you know. You could've gotten half with something you like."
"I don't mind it," Catherine shrugged, grateful for the lighthearted small talk. "I'm always getting on Lindsey to eat more vegetables… I guess I should walk the walk as well as I talk the talk."
Sara laughed softly. "Speaking of which, where is Lindsey this weekend? On a school trip or something?"
"No, she's in Laughlin with my mother," Catherine answered. "That woman lives in Vegas but says she prefers the casinos there. She also likes to horse riding along the water, which is how she talked Lindsey into going with her. I would've loved to have gone with them," she shook her head sadly, "but it came up suddenly, so I couldn't give notice, and we've been so backed up…"
Sara threw a glance in Catherine's direction before she returned her eyes to the road. "I'm sorry, Catherine. That… that sucks."
"It does," Catherine agreed with a wry smile. "But thanks, Sara. Hey, before we get back to your place, can you drop me at a liquor store? I need to grab the second half of this pizza and beer dinner."
"No need," Sara replied, "you've got the pizza. I've got the beer covered already in my fridge."
"Damn, Sara, is there actually anything you can't do at this point?"
Catherine's teasing remark brought a light shade of pink to Sara's face. It seemed Sara was blushing around the blonde a lot lately, and they both definitely noticed it. It made Sara feel slightly uncomfortable how strongly Catherine always seemed to affect her, but it also sort of thrilled her, the way it definitely thrilled Catherine, who thought it just made the brunette appear even more attractive.
The trip to Sara's apartment only took about fifteen minutes with some traffic. After the Tahoe was pulled into a parking space, both women began to get out of the car. "So, you got any good movies we can put on while we eat?" Catherine asked her.
"Uh, no, not really. Sorry," Sara apologized as they stepped onto the curb. "I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of movies, and what I do have hasn't made its way from San Francisco yet."
"You're still waiting on some of your stuff to get here?" Catherine asked in surprise. "What's taking so long?" Maybe that was why Sara's apartment seemed so bare and hardly lived in. The thought comforted Catherine some, the possibility that maybe Sara wasn't quite as lonely as her empty apartment made it appear.
"A few things," Sara shrugged as they rounded the corner toward the elevator. "Just some miscellaneous things, really. I've got all of the essentials here."
"I don't know about you, but entertainment is very essential," Catherine responded, her face falling when they approached the elevator only to see caution tape across it. "You've gotta be kidding me. Is this what you were talking about with the elevator always being out of order?"
"I'm afraid so," Sara bit her lip, "sorry, Cath. Stairs it is."
Catherine groaned dramatically as she followed her to the staircase. "Fine. At least I'll burn some extra calories before the pizza gets here."
"Here we are," Sara announced as she pushed the front door of her apartment open. "See, not so bad, right? Kind of getting used to it now?"
"Hell no," Catherine said with a chuckle as she followed Sara through the door. "Cardio was never my strong suit."
"Sorry," Sara smiled innocently enough. "Go ahead and help yourself to anything to drink, and feel free to turn on the TV if you want. I'll be back."
"Where are you going?" Catherine asked in surprise, and, she noted with a bit of shame, a touch of fear.
"Just to shower," Sara answered, walking to the closet in the hallway to retrieve a towel. "If you'll remember, I didn't exactly get a chance to shower before shift this morning, and Greg wasn't shy about telling me that I kind of smelled."
Catherine met her gaze, and finally shot the brunette a wide grin. "You do kind of smell."
Sara chuckled, held up her middle finger to flip the blonde off, and disappeared into the bathroom.
Catherine had a smile on her face as she walked into the small kitchen area of the apartment in search of a drinking glass. The sound of Sara's laughter and the sight of her smile both warmed her heart and also made it flutter. She still didn't know that much about Sara, but something gave her the impression that the brunette probably didn't have a lot of laughter in her life. It was something about the way that the younger woman carried herself, how she came off as stoic, even a little cold and stand-offish at first, like she was used to keeping people at a distance. It was a defense mechanism and a tactic that Catherine was very familiar with and had herself employed on multiple occasions.
She located the drinking glasses in one of the cabinets by the sink and quickly fixed herself a glass of water. As she walked to the couch and reached for the TV remote, she heard the faucets in the bathroom turn on for Sara's shower. In an attempt to ignore the fact that a very naked Sara Sidle was just feet away, she turned the TV on and began surfing through channels.
Catherine settled on the local news, but didn't really watch it more than keep it on for background noise as she sipped at her water. It was really impossible to keep her thoughts from going back to Sara. She thought about how nervous she'd suddenly felt minutes before when she'd asked where Sara was going, like the brunette would just take off after they'd made plans and leave a woman alone in her apartment who, for all intents and purposes, she still didn't really know all that well. Her reaction had been more than nervousness, though – it had been closer to actual fear.
She was a scientist. She understood the science behind fear – the fight-or-flight signal from the amygdala, then the hypothalamus to the central nervous system and the adrenal glands. She could even understand some of where this fear was coming from right now. Not even 24 hours had passed since Eddie assaulted her in the parking lot at the lab and threatened her. It made perfect sense that she was still a bit shaken up over it. What she didn't understand was why she was reacting so strongly to Sara's presence – and her absence.
Sara had protected her, so it made sense that she felt safer when she was near. But the weight in her chest when she wasn't near Sara made her feel more like the brunette was her lifeline right now.
That was terrifying. Catherine had never needed someone in her life on that level before – not even Eddie, when things were good. And she still hardly knew Sara. How was it possible to need someone you didn't even really know?
Alright, Cath, the blonde let out a deep breath, trying to center her thoughts, so where does that leave us, and what does this all mean?
A loud knock at the door startled Catherine and made her jump, some of the water in her glass spilling on the floor, the couch, and herself.
"Shit," Catherine cursed, setting the glass on the table in front of herself. She stared at the door as she rose to her feet. She knew it had to be the pizza delivery person. Of course it had to be the pizza delivery person. There was no possible way that Eddie could find her here, and with the restraining order and the warrant in place, even he wasn't stupid or reckless enough to come near her right now.
Right?
Deciding she was being ridiculous, Catherine fetched her wallet out of her purse and walked to the door. A quick look through the peephole confirmed that the visitor was, in fact, the pizza delivery person, and she let out a breath as she pulled the door open.
She nudged the front door shut with her hip after paying for everything and made sure she re-locked it behind herself. The pizza smelled wonderful and she was certainly hungry, which helped to alleviate some of her anxiety from moments prior. She set the box on the kitchen countertop, then tore off a couple of paper towels to clean up the water she'd spilled by the couch.
Her head poked up when she heard the faucets in the bathroom turn off, signaling that Sara's shower was finished. The blonde returned to the kitchen and busied herself with looking for plates while she got dressed. She found them in another cabinet and placed a steaming piece of pizza on each of the plates.
Sara emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, already dressed. She was wearing grey sweats and a ratty-looking UC Berkeley t-shirt that looked to be about two sizes too big for her. "Pizza's here already?" she asked, toweling her hair dry. "God, it smells good."
"Just got here," Catherine nodded. "I fixed you a plate. Go ahead and grab a seat and I'll grab the beer. You said it's just in the fridge?"
Catherine's words made Sara blink in surprise, and she nodded as she tossed her towel into the laundry hamper by the door. "Sure, and yeah, the fridge. Thanks."
"It's the least I can do after everything you've done for me," Catherine replied, pulling the fridge open. She spotted the six-pack of beer near the bottom and grabbed two bottles from it, also taking a moment to inspect the rest of its contents. A box of Chinese takeout, a quart of orange juice, still sealed, a jar of preserves, and three apples.
The sight gave Catherine immediate pause, but she bit her lip and kept her thoughts to herself. She was here as a guest, not to comment on the amount, or lack thereof, of food in her home.
She nudged the fridge shut and joined Sara on the couch, handing her one of the beers. As she sat down, she laughed when she realized Sara was already half done with her pizza. "Someone's hungry. I guess that gluey oatmeal this morning really wasn't enough after all, huh?"
Sara rolled her eyes at the comment, taking another bite. "I haven't had pizza this good in a long time, since I was in San Francisco. There was this place downtown that I used to go to with some of my colleagues, and I've missed it. This is very similar."
"Yeah?" That brought a smile to Catherine's face as she took a bite from her own slice. "Good. I think you'll find that if you look hard enough, you'll be able to find just about any type of food you want in Vegas." She grabbed her beer, realizing then that she hadn't thought to look for a bottle opener. "Oh, damn – hey Sara, where's your bottle opener?"
Sara stuffed the last piece of crust in her mouth and shook her head, motioning for Catherine to hand the bottle to her. She grabbed it and held it against the corner of the table in front of the couch. She pressed the edge of the bottle cap against the table, held it at an angle, and then sharply pulled downwards. The cap popped off cleanly and Sara handed it back to her.
"Okay, what?" Catherine chuckled as she took the bottle from her, watching the brunette grab her own and prepare to do the same. "You can't just pull an epic party trick like that without telling me where you learned to do that."
Sara popped the cap off of her own bottle, shaking her head as she laughed. "It's really not that impressive. Something I picked up in college at a party."
The idea that someone like Sara, who always seemed so quiet and reserved, partied in college seemed like such an alien concept that it took Catherine a moment to process what she was telling her. "You partied in college?" she blurted out, her mouth getting away from her.
Sara quirked an amused eyebrow at her as she took a sip from her beer. "Why do you sound so surprised?"
"I don't know, it's just," Catherine took a sip from her beer as she fought to come up with the words, "you just seem so… quiet, you know? I wouldn't have pegged you as a partier."
"I've quieted down a lot since my college days," Sara smirked, "not to say that I was a prolific partier, but yeah, I went to my fair share of ragers."
"Ragers?" Catherine found herself laughing again. "Jesus, Sara. Okay, you have to tell me more. And this was where?"
"Well, I did my undergrad at Harvard. I was a bit tamer in grad school."
Catherine's jaw actually dropped. "Hold up, Harvard? As in… Harvard-Harvard?"
The blonde briefly wondered how it was possible that she hadn't known this about the other woman, then remembered that she hadn't bothered to ever look at Sara's resume when she joined the team. Gil had passed it around to them all which was standard whenever a new CSI joined the team. In embarrassment, she realized the reason she didn't know was probably because she'd been so upset at the brunette's being there in the first place, she hadn't cared.
The look Catherine was giving her made Sara blush again, and she cleared her throat, taking another sip of her beer. "Uh, yeah. I was able to attend on a scholarship."
"Holy shit, Sara! I'd figured out you were smart, but Ivy League?"
"It's really not a huge deal," Sara mumbled, the attention making her blush more red than pink, "I was lucky."
"I doubt it," Catherine shook her head. "It sounds like you were brilliant. So you did your undergrad at Harvard, went to some ragers, then what, got it out of your system when you went to grad school at Berkeley?" she motioned to the other woman's shirt.
"Something like that," Sara smiled. "I was working while I was in grad school, so I just didn't have a lot of extra time, and once you've been to one of those parties, you've kind of been to them all, you know what I mean?"
"Yes, unfortunately," Catherine smirked, getting to her feet to grab them each another slice of pizza. "I don't even want to try and think about how many parties I went to in college. You may not have been a prolific partier, but I definitely was."
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," Sara called out so her voice would carry to the kitchen, "you're so outgoing. I pegged you as an extrovert the moment we met."
"I'm going to take that as a compliment, Sidle," Catherine teased, returning to the couch and placing one of the slices of pizza on the brunette's plate. "I'm afraid my undergrad was much less impressive than yours, though."
"Honestly, whether you go somewhere that's well-known or not really doesn't matter. Where did you go?"
"Easy for you to say, Harvard," Catherine laughed. "UNLV," she then answered with a shrug, "only for undergrad… I didn't actually make it to grad school. Since I was in Vegas, UNLV just made sense."
"Are you not from Vegas originally?" Sara inquired. "I guess I just assumed that you'd always lived here."
"You'd think," Catherine smiled, "I nearly forget myself, sometimes. No, I'm originally from Montana. My mother moved us here when I was about 7 or 8, but up to that point, she'd spent her entire life there. It's one of the reasons she itches to go horseback riding from time to time. We grew up around them."
"Really?" Sara asked in surprise. "I never would have guessed."
"Yup," Catherine shot her a grin as she took a bite from her second piece of pizza. "Your turn. Are you originally from San Francisco?"
The way the conversation shifted to Sara made her slightly uncomfortable, and Catherine noticed, the way she'd noticed her slight discomfort when she'd inquired about her time at Harvard. For as reserved as she was, the brunette had a tell that Catherine wondered if she was even aware of – the way she worked her jaw when something made her uneasy. Unfortunately, the younger woman would probably be a pretty lousy poker player.
"Uh, sort of," Sara finally answered. "I was born in Tomales Bay, which is about an hour north of San Francisco. I spent most of my childhood there."
"I've never heard of it," Catherine replied. "So you moved to San Francisco when you were older or something?"
"Something like that," Sara answered, taking a longer swig of her beer.
Catherine sighed, sinking back into the couch cushions as she took a sip of her beer. "That sounds amazing. Don't get me wrong, I loved growing up in Montana, but it's not exactly known for its breathtaking beaches. I would've loved to have been able to grow up right on the coast. That just seems so cool."
"It was." A soft smile crossed Sara's face. "I was on the beach and in the water every chance I got."
"That's great, Sara," Catherine replied. "It sounds like your childhood was really special."
Catherine realized that she'd said the wrong thing as soon as she saw Sara's jaw working overtime. She didn't understand why, though. Sure, she'd firmly established her uncanny ability at this point to stick her foot in her mouth around the brunette, but she honestly couldn't think of anything that had been wrong with what she'd said.
"I'm sorry," Catherine finally said to break the silence, "if I said something wrong."
"What?" Sara met her gaze, her jaw tense. She took a long swig from her beer before placing the now-empty bottle on the table in front of her. "You didn't say anything wrong, Catherine. Of course not."
"Are you sure?" Catherine asked in concern. Sara clamming up around people wasn't new by any means, but something about the sad look in her eyes told Catherine that there was more to this than the brunette was letting on.
"Yeah," Sara slowly nodded. "I'm sorry, Catherine. I didn't mean to bring the mood down or anything."
Catherine could practically see the walls going up around the other woman, the moat filled with man-eating sharks being dug in real-time. She wasn't sure she was going to be able to press her on this, or if she even should.
To her surprise, she didn't have to, because this time it was Sara's voice breaking the silence.
"I just don't like to talk much about my childhood," she began. "I… lost both of my parents when I was pretty young, so…"
"Oh, Sara," Catherine's voice was soft as a whisper, and she reached a hand across the couch to place it on her knee. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."
"It's okay." The brunette met her eyes with a small smile that didn't touch her eyes.
"My dad walked out before I was born," Catherine shared. "Left my mom single with one daughter and another on the way. I've still never met the bastard."
"Christ," Sara whispered. "I'm sorry, Catherine. That sounds awful."
"Things were hard at times," Catherine agreed, "but it wasn't so bad, really. My mom made do with what she had, and we all had each other, you know? 'Course, my sister and I drove my mom nuts nonstop, but she's never disowned us, so I guess that means she still loves us."
Sara finally laughed, and it brought a smile to Catherine's face. "Your mother sounds like a terrific woman, and another great role model for your daughter."
"Yeah," Catherine found herself smiling again. "She is. It… it wasn't easy, making a life for us the way she did, but thank God she did."
"What did she do, if you don't mind me asking?" Sara gently prodded, taking one last swig from her beer before the bottle was empty. She held the bottle up. "You ready for another one yet?"
"Oh yeah, bring it on," Catherine smirked, "and no, I don't mind you asking." It sort of touched her that Sara even seemed interested enough to ask, actually. Gil, Nick, Warrick, and probably Greg, at this point, had all heard this story before, but with the exception of Gil, their interest had always been more about Catherine's history as a dancer. Not that she blamed them or faulted them for that, because she was pretty sure she would be the same if she were to find out one of her coworkers used to be a stripper. Still, it was nice to have a conversation with someone who seemed more interested in just learning about who she was, rather than about the scandalous parts of her past. It was refreshing, and, she realized, it was nice to be able to talk about it with another woman.
Sara retrieved two more bottles from the fridge before returning to the couch. She sat down and, after employing what Catherine had dubbed the "epic party trick" from earlier, she quickly uncapped both bottles and handed one over to the blonde.
"Yeah, you're definitely going to have to show me how to do that before I leave," Catherine said with a smirk as she took a sip of the cool liquid.
"I will," Sara matched her smirk, "scout's honor."
"You better," Catherine laughed. "Alright, let's see, where was I… right. My mom. Well, when we were in Montana she mostly worked at desk jobs – bank telling, reception, more clerical or administrative type stuff. I've always wondered if my dad left her with money before he walked out, because I honestly don't know how we all would've managed to live off of what she made. When we came to Vegas, she found work as a cocktail waitress at the Eclipse, but ultimately she ended up being a showgirl."
Sara's eyes widened a bit in surprise. "Your mom was a showgirl? Like, on the Strip?"
"Oh yeah," Catherine grinned, feeling somewhat proud, "she started off performing in smaller clubs off the Strip, but eventually she performed in all of the major casinos. She actually performed all up and down the west coast, so for a little while there, we were moving around an awful lot. Come to think of it, we ended up California several times."
"Wow," Sara shook her head in awe as she downed some more of her beer. "That's amazing. That must have been kind of hard though, moving around so much like that."
"A little," Catherine shrugged, and with another sip of her beer, she knew that the reason her nerves were dissipating wasn't just because she felt comfortable around the brunette. She hadn't had a drink in a while, and while she was still only about one and a half beers in, she didn't really have that much in her stomach right now and she was beginning to feel pleasantly buzzed. She briefly wondered if Sara was feeling it too, especially since the younger woman's stomach had to be much emptier than her own. "It was definitely challenging at times, but it was fun, too. I think the hardest part was school. Because we moved around so much, it was really hard to get settled in anywhere, you know? I'm afraid I wasn't the best student in the world, but I managed. And I suppose the experience rubbed off on me, given my later career choices."
At that, Sara quirked her eyebrows in slight confusion. "What do you mean? Did your mom go into forensics, too?"
Catherine bit her lip in amusement, sure that Sara had to be joking. "No, I'm talking about her being a showgirl and how I ended up becoming a dancer."
The genuine look of shock and surprise on Sara's face presented Catherine with the sudden realization that the brunette had honestly had no idea that she used to be a stripper. But how was that possible? It wasn't like she was shy about it, and everyone sure as hell talked about it enough.
What would she think now that she knew?
"You didn't know?" Catherine asked, trying to cover up her sudden unease by taking a very large drink from her beer. "I guess I just assumed everyone I worked with knew."
"No, I had no idea," Sara shook her head. "So… what, you picked up in your mother's footsteps? Performed at casinos on the Strip?"
The innocence implied by Sara's question made Catherine choke a bit on another swig of beer, and she wiped at her mouth ungracefully as she cleared her throat anxiously. Alright, Cath, moment of truth… how are you going to respond? Are you going to be honest or are you going to lie? She'd never been more nervous about someone's reaction to learning about this part of her past than she was right at this moment. She wasn't sure she could stand to see judgement in the brown eyes fixed on her right now.
"No," Catherine finally answered, "I was a stripper."
There, it was out there. The blonde held her breath, feeling like her heart might actually stop beating as she awaited Sara's response.
"Oh." That was Sara's response, and Catherine thought she might go insane. What the hell was she supposed to do with that! Was it a good "Oh"? A bad "Oh"? An indifferent "Oh"? She felt like she was hanging in limbo, and she desperately wanted Sara to say something else, or at least to let her face provide some sort of clue as to what she was thinking.
"Yeah." Catherine looked down at the brown bottle in her hands, and began tearing at a loose end of the label, rather than meeting Sara's eyes. She was afraid of what she might see in them right now.
"I had no idea," Sara repeated her words from just moments ago. Catherine braved a glance at her face, and saw that she was staring off into space, squinting her eyes in concentration. "How did I not know this about you?" she suddenly asked.
Catherine chuckled, feeling most of her nerves and anxiety leave her body with the sound. "You tell me, Sara! It's not exactly a secret. Haven't the boys said something to you about it before?"
"Well, yeah." The pink tint was back to Sara's face, as was her sudden shyness. "But I just thought they were… I don't know, joking."
"No, it's definitely not a joke," Catherine replied. "I started dancing when I was about 22."
"Did you enjoy it?" Sara asked, and the sincerity with which she asked the question put the blonde's remaining fears of judgement to rest.
"Hell yes," Catherine fixed her with a grin. "Going up on stage under bright lights, letting yourself just let loose, your body moving almost on its own to a heavy bass line… it was like a drug. It was like a release. After a while, you just stopped even noticing the people in the crowd. When I went up on stage, I danced for myself. I danced because I had fun and I enjoyed it."
Sara listened in silence, lifting her bottle to her lips to take another drink. The nostalgia in Catherine's voice as she spoke, sounded almost sad. The brunette was perceptive enough to recognize that there was probably a lot more to this story, but she was also respectful of boundaries and privacy and didn't want to prod. If there was one thing she could understand, it was wanting to keep certain things private.
Unlike Sara, though, Catherine was much more open about her life.
"I started dancing because I met Eddie while I was in college," the blonde said, setting her second empty bottle down on the table in front of the couch to join the first. "I was young and stupid and he wooed me. Believe it or not, he used to be incredibly charming. I guess I didn't really stand a chance, given my taste, and he was a really smooth-talker. Managed to talk me into leaving school to start dancing to support us both."
Sara remained quiet as she listened to Catherine speak. She emptied her second beer with a long swig and set it on the table with the rest of the empty bottles. She was definitely feeling a slight buzz, but her head was still very clear. She thought back to last night's altercation and pictured Eddie's drunken form. The trained observer in her could picture him perfectly, but her memory was very procedural – 6'0" Caucasian male, approximately 180 pounds, obviously intoxicated or otherwise under the influence, belligerent and violent. It was difficult for Sara to picture this man as anything other than what she had seen last night, but she knew, perhaps better than most, how first looks could be incredibly deceiving.
"He wasn't always violent," Catherine continued, her voice soft. "I like to think that I wouldn't have gotten seriously involved with him if he'd ever been violent toward me when we first started dating. I knew he was into drugs when we started going out, but I had no idea just how serious it was until after I'd left school and started dancing. He was an addict and he was hemorrhaging money, spending it as quickly as I could make it to get his next hit."
"I'm sorry, Catherine," Sara finally spoke, her voice as soft as the blonde's. "It sounds like he was always toxic."
"He was," Catherine agreed, "but during that time… so was I. Like I said, I was young and stupid, but I was also madly in love with him. I was smart enough to know at the time that he was bad for me, but I thought I could make it work. In a lot of ways, we enabled each other, and so we were toxic together. He became violent, abusive, volatile… and eventually, I started giving it right back to him."
Sara slowly shook her head. "Catherine, that wasn't your fault. You said it yourself – he was abusive. I'm sure the abuse wasn't just physical, I'm sure it was emotional, too."
Catherine shot her a rueful half-smile. "I'm not going to bother to ask how you knew that."
"I saw enough of his behavior last night to figure that out. He's the manipulative type. Controlling."
"He is," Catherine agreed, "and he was. But I wasn't a saint. I was a young, stupid kid in an abusive relationship with a partner who got me hooked on cocaine. And once I started the coke… that was all that mattered. It didn't matter how horrible Eddie could be so long as he kept me fixed up."
Sara's sharp intake of breath didn't go unnoticed by Catherine, and the blonde raised her eyes to meet hers. She suddenly wondered if she'd said too much. Their conversation had really ended up in a very strange, personal place. Maybe it was the alcohol that was keeping her from feeling overly self-conscious about what she'd just shared with Sara. Maybe it was the safety net that Sara's company afforded her.
Still, she'd just dropped a lot on Sara, and she did feel badly about that. It really wasn't fair to put Sara in yet another uncomfortable position, especially after what had happened the night before.
"I'm sorry," Catherine finally said. "God… I'm really sorry, Sara. I shouldn't have told you all of that. Shit. What the hell is wrong with me?" The blonde pushed herself to her feet, and she began to pace anxiously in place.
It had been one thing to tell Sara about her past as a dancer, but it was an entirely different thing to go into detail about her abusive ex and her former addiction. She hadn't even shared all of those details with Gil, who had been a close friend and confidant for years now.
What was it about Sara Sidle that made her want to bare her soul?
"Catherine," Sara softly spoke, also rising to her feet. "Don't apologize. I know it was probably hard to talk about all of that, but… I appreciate you telling me. Especially given everything that happened last night."
Catherine stopped pacing and met Sara's eyes. She understood what it was that Sara was trying to tell her. For better or worse, the brunette was involved in this mess now, though the blonde sincerely hoped that this was the furthest extent of her involvement. The last thing she wanted was to drag someone else into the gigantic shit storm Eddie always kicked up.
Sara took a slow, hesitant step toward the older woman. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Catherine nodded, letting out a slow breath. "Thanks, Sara, really, for listening, and… for not judging me." They shared a small smile. "Can you do me a favor, though and just…"
"This stays between us," Sara promised. "It's no one's business but yours, but I'm willing to listen any time you want to talk about it."
Catherine held her gaze, her heart fluttering as she stared deeply into Sara's dark eyes. She took a few steps to close the space between them, and experimentally allowed her hand to slide around the brunette's slender waist. She could feel the younger woman's muscles tensing under her fingers, but she didn't pull away from the contact. The blonde searched her eyes for any signs of discomfort or anxiety, and seeing none, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to hers.
The kiss started soft, tender, and somewhat hesitant… but only for a moment. Catherine pulled Sara's body tightly to hers, feeling the heat radiating off the other woman, tracing her tongue along the brunette's lower lip. When entrance was granted, Catherine deepened the kiss to the point that Sara's breathing was coming out ragged, and she stumbled back a bit like her knees might give out on her.
The blonde pulled away from the kiss, licking her lips as she stared into Sara's eyes. The brunette took a breath and let it out a bit shakily. Her face appeared flush. "Well…" Sara's smoky voice definitely had some extra husk to it. "I don't know if I forgot my name… but that was definitely an amazing kiss."
Catherine chuckled. "I guess I'll just have to try harder. Still think I'm a tease, though?"
"I never really thought you were," Sara admitted.
"Is that so?" Catherine asked, slowly leaning closer for another kiss.
Their lips and bodies once again connected, and the kiss this time was much softer, much like the first had been.
But it didn't stay that way. Before either of them could really comprehend what was happening, they were stumbling toward the bedroom, hands desperately grabbing at clothing and searching for unexplored skin. They stopped just outside the bedroom door, Catherine's back pressed against the wall, both chests heaving with ragged breaths, lips already bruised from fevered kissing. Catherine's shirt had already been pulled off and discarded on the floor in the hallway, and the blonde was working on pulling the brunette's over her head.
"Are you sure?" Catherine somehow managed to get the words out as she searched Sara's eyes for any hesitation or insecurity.
"I think so," Sara answered, panting hard. "As long as you won't regret it in the morning."
"I want this. I want you."
Without another word, the brunette captured her lips in another fiery kiss as they pushed their way into the bedroom.
TO BE CONTINUED