15.
Last Alarm
Chapter 15
"Crossroads"
Part Five
"Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them." -Jodi Picoult
As I plunged into the freezing water, the loud scream that I had heard coming from the young teenage girl watching me on the riverbank was immediately drowned out by the load roar of the river as I sank into the depths like a stone.
Almost just as quickly as all sound vanished, so too did the light from the late afternoon sun disappear as I sank all the way down to the bottom until I was fully enveloped in darkness as I desperately tried to hold my breath against the enormous pressure of the current which was trying just as hard to crush it right out of me and expel what precious air I had left in my lungs.
I had already experienced near- drowning twice before during swift water training at the Fire Department, and I had barely survived the first time because no one had noticed that I was in trouble till it was almost too late and I still remembered every awful moment of it.
And even as I struggled to free myself from my heavy pack, I already knew that I would not win my struggle against the river which was already beginning to force its way into my nostrils and then once that happened, my lungs would instinctively try to inhale despite my strongest efforts not to, and I would involuntarily suck in water instead of life-giving air.
And then once that happened my body would reflexively then attempt to save itself by "the Mammalian Diving Reflex" that we were taught about back in Paramedic school, which is where the body tries to prevent water from seeping through the trachea into my lungs by closing off the glottis as my body reflexively fought, kicked, and spasmed in an effort to struggle to breathe for air in an environment where there was none.
And once that point was reached, my brain would began to suffer a state of " hypoxia" which is a condition where the body is deprived of oxygen, and I would then began to hallucinate before eventually after a horrible span of time that seemed to last forever I would finally and mercifully, pass out.
And as my body relaxed and my lungs began to fill with water, I would then sink to the depths until the gases produced from decomposition would cause me to float to the surface where I would end up being one of the thousands of other "floaters" laid waste by this Outbreak drifting endlessly downriver until we were swept out into the sea.
But just as it seemed that I was done for, suddenly a strong hand grabbed me by my shirt collar and I was then roughly yanked to the surface of the water as I let out a loud gasp as soon as my head broke the surface and I sucked in all the air that I could, before promptly throwing up all over myself.
"WHAT THE F_CK IS WRONG WITH YOU, C-s?!" An unseen male voice screamed at the top of his lungs, the focus of his rage obviously directed towards me.
"I CAN"T F_CKING BELIEVE THIS, ARE YOU REALLY THAT MUCH OF A F_CKING P_SSY, THAT YOU'RE GOING TO DROWN IN THREE F_CKING FEET OF WATER, DOC?!" The unseen man roared as I tried to blink the stinging saltwater from my eyes so that I could see just who the hell it was that was screaming at me.
"HOW THE HELL DOES A BIG ASS APE LIKE YOU THINK YOU CAN POSSIBLY GET IN THE TEAMS?!" The infuriated man screamed in fury as he yanked me out of the water until I was standing upright.
"Teams..?" I thought to myself as I coughed and hacked away while the sound of the pounding surf and the raging maniac standing near me, filled my ears.
"Who is this guy, and how the hell does he know my real name?" I wondered to myself, as the maniac in question continued to scream into my ear.
"MY BAT-SHIT CRAZY GRANDMA CAN SWIM BETTER THAN YOU CAN "DOC", AND SHE'S BAT-SHIT CRAZY, SO WHAT THE F_CK IS YOU'RE F_CKING EXCUSE?!" The man roared angrily as I finally got my wits about me and stared into the face of NSWC Instructor Chief Petty Officer J. Vaughan who was glaring angrily at me.
And then as soon as I saw the man's face it hit me.
The year was 1988, and I was not a former firefighter or mercenary, but instead I was actually a Pharmacist's Mate in the United States Navy, having enlisted immediately after graduating from High School in 1986.
And now here I was, two years later about to get my ass kicked by a thoroughly pissed-off SEAL instructor at the Naval Special Warfare Center at Coronado Island with less than 100 other candidates left from an original 200 on the third day of HELL WEEK during Basic Underwater Demolition School, or "BUD'S" as it was commonly known.
"And to think, I actually volunteered for this bullshit…" I thought to myself grudgingly as I reflected on exactly how I had come to the decision to volunteer for this lunacy in the first place, as the SEAL instructor began hurling insults at me about me, my mother, and the whole C-s family lineage.
Back when I was still in high school, I had been interested in going against my family's wishes and joining the Navy so that I could volunteer for the Submarine Service, which for some odd reason, intrigued me at the time.
But after reading a ton of books on anything to do with undersea warfare, I suddenly became intrigued about joining a completely different unit in the Navy after reading some of author Clive Cussler's adventure books in which he wrote about a special breed of underwater warriors….the SEAL's.
And so after graduating from high school I immediately enlisted in the Navy, and then after going through training as a Pharmacist's Mate, I volunteered for BUD's as soon as I was able to meet their minimum qualifications.
And now here I was, cold, wet, miserable and exhausted, and completely covered in sand, trying to cough up half of the Pacific out of my lungs while the SEAL instructor standing next to me prepared to toss my ass right back in.
"NO EXCUSE INSTRUCTOR VAUGHN! " I finally yelled in response to the angry SEAL instructor's earlier query, or at least tried to anyway, as I continued to cough up salt water and whatever other briny crap I had swallowed when I had fallen down into the surf after my boat crew's return trip to the beach and my boat crew had accidentally ran over me, trapping me between the *IBS that we were carrying and the sandy bottom.
*(IBS - Inflatable- Boat- Small)
I wasn't sure just how long I had been trapped there between the IBS and the surf, but I do remember that I was already beginning to hallucinate when luckily the SEAL instructor who was watching over us at the time suddenly noticed that one of his little "tadpoles" was missing and then yanked me to the surface, saving my life.
Then again, maybe I really wasn't all that lucky after all because no sooner had I been yanked to my feet than Master Chief Vaughan immediately began screaming his head off first at me and then at my boat crew for my screw-up before then turning his attention back to me and singling me out for some "personal instruction time", as the rest of my boat crew ran up on shore with the IBS and began doing push-ups on the beach.
"GET YOUR STUPID ASS OUT OF THE WATER, C-s AND GET SANDY!" Master Chief Vaughan roared, practically spitting into my face as he shoved me towards the gritty California beach.
"HOOYAH, INSTRUCTOR VAUGHN!" I croaked in reply, as I limply flung myself into the sand and then rolled around till I was covered head to toe in grit.
"GET WET, C-s!" Chief Vaughan then yelled at me immediately after having finished my punishment of rolling around in the sand.
"HOOYAH, INSTRUCTOR VAUGHN!" I croaked again in response as I quickly rushed into the water and then bodily flung myself into the freezing surf as I literally felt my gonads try to force their way up into my body in a desperate effort to keep warm.
"GET OUT OF THE WATER, C-s!" The instructor roared again as I groggily got out of the freezing water and headed back up towards the beach.
"GET SANDY!" I was ordered yet again as I flung my body onto the beach and then rolled once more into the sand my skin now rubbed raw everywhere from the grit.
But apparently I was not moving fast enough in the Chief humble opinion, because once again I heard him yell angrily at me for me to get wet again, as back into the surf I went.
After I was ordered to return to the beach and roll around in the sand once more, I was finally given permission to join my boat crew, although that didn't mean we were out of the woods yet as far as the Master Chief was concerned.
And just as I though, the fun didn't stop there because as soon as I joined my boat crew we were then made to carry our IBS over our head as we were forced to listen to the instructor preach to us the finer points of what it takes to be in the SEAL Teams, and how we weren't good enough to even hope to clean the *"head" on a garbage scow, much less make it as an operator in the SEAL Teams.
*(Head-Navy slang for "toilet")
And apparently, I was an exceptionally hopeless case not even worthy of that assignment the instructor seemed to like to point out, as we all grunted from the strain of holding the IBS over our heads as the Chief then came right up to the left side of my head and began screaming into my ear again.
"I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A SORRY ASS PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU IN ALL MY YEARS IN THIS MAN'S NAVY, C-s...!" The Chief screamed into my ear as I tried to blink the sand out of my eyes, which were watering from a combination of the stinging saltwater and the grit. "..WHAT THE F_CK ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE?!"
"I WANT TO BE IN THE TEAMS, INSTRUCTOR VAUGHN!" I replied trying hard to remain calm, knowing that any sign of weakness on my part would only end up badly for me, not just now, but later on in my career in the Teams, if I survived "HELL WEEK", that is.
"BULLSHIT! YOUR SORRY ASS COULDN'T TREAD WATER IN A F_CKING KIDDIE POOL AND SURVIVE! WHAT THE F_CK MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN BE A FROGMAN, C-s?!" Chief Vaughan roared in response almost making me chuckle in response which would have been suicidal at that point.
Of course, if I really had been smart, I should have kept my big mouth shut altogether instead of what I did next.
Ah well, nobody ever accused me of being a f_cking genius…
"BECAUSE I WON'T QUIT TILL I AM ONE, INSTRUCTOR VAUGHN!" I said in reply to the Chief's question as I gritted my teeth from the effort of trying to keep the IBS over my head along with all the other guys in my boat crew.
"WELL, aren't you f_cking special, C-s?!" Chief Vaughan said with heavy sarcasm as he leaned his head back.
"YOU HEAR THAT LADIES?!" Chief Vaughan said as he gazed over at the rest of my boat crew. "Pharmacist's Mate C-s here, says he never gonna quit till he becomes a frogman."
"THAT IS SO MUCH F_CKING HOLLYWOOD F_CKING BULLSHIT, C-s!" The Chief screamed as he suddenly placed his face about a centimeter away from my left ear, as I winced in response to pain in my ear and in my arms.
"YOU MAKE ME WANNA F_CKING PUKE HAVING TO F_CKING LISTEN TO THAT F_CKING HORSESHIT, Doc!" The Chief roared into my ear as I did something extremely stupid in response that to this day, still remains legend amongst all the instructors and candidates at Coronado.
"IT'S NOT HORSESHIT!" I yelled suddenly and then shut my mouth, horrified at what I had just done as I noticed all the guys in my boat crew suddenly stop grunting despite the pain they were all suffering as we all watched in spellbound horror as the Chief stopped and then looked over at me and smiled.
"Aaaahhhh shit…" I thought to myself miserably, all my dreams of becoming a SEAL quickly washing away along with the pounding surf. "…wonder if it's too late to join the Army and sign up for DELTA Force?"
''Did you just say f_cking something, Doc?" The Chief said to me in a voice so calm, that I knew right then and there that I was a dead man, as my plans to transfer to the Army and sign up for their elite anti-terrorist team also began to spin rapidly down the drain.
But even though I knew at that moment that I was screwed no matter what I did, there was no way in hell that was I gonna open my mouth now as I stood there in silence trying to keep that damn IBS over my head.
"Whatsamatta Doc, don't wanna answer?" The Chief asked in a voice that was filled with venom as I waited for the hammer to fall.
"Okay Doc…" The Chief said with the most evil of grins that I have ever seen on a human being. "Have it your way."
''GET THAT MUTHAF_CKING BOAT DOWN ON THE F_CKING BEACH…NOW!" Chief Vaughan roared, as my boat crew and I immediately lowered the boat to the ground before standing at attention.
"GET WET, C-s… NOW!" Chief Vaughan roared, as the rest of the guys remained at attention each of them no doubt relieved that I would be the one getting his ass kicked instead of the entire boat crew.
"Assholes..." I thought to myself as I immediately shuffled over to the surf and then plopped in knowing that I was probably going to drown now since there was no way I could tread water with my arms now rendered useless from holding up the IBS for so long.
"GET SANDY C-s…MOVE YOUR ASS!" Chief Vaughan roared again as I miraculously, was able to shuffle out of the freezing water and then topple out into the sand.
But to my horror, for some strange reason unlike before, this time I was unable to roll around in the sand as I was ordered and just lay there like a piece of flotsam that had been washed up onto the beach.
"F_ck me…" I thought to myself as the inevitable screaming at my piss poor performance began to commence.
"WHAT THE F_CK ARE YOU F_CKING DOING JUST F_CKING LYING THERE ON THE F_CKING BEACH, C-s?!" The Chief roared his face turning purple, as I lay there, not moving. "I F_CKING TOLD YOU TO GET F_CKING SANDY, NOT TAKE A F_CKING NAP!"
While a thoroughly pissed of Chief Petty Officer is a nightmare that no sailor anywhere ever wishes to tangle with, especially a royally pissed-off SEAL Chief Petty Officer during BUDs, as hard as I was trying to lift my tired, beaten, body off the California beach to avoid the pain and suffering that I knew was about to befall me, my body just wouldn't move as I struggled to lift my head, hoping the rest of my body would follow.
Unfortunately, just as soon as I was finally able to succeed in raising my head off the beach, I was then rewarded with a boat paddle full of sand being flung into my face as the Chief then tried to bury me in the cold, California sand.
"JUST F_CKING LOOK AT YOU, C-s!" The Chief roared at me as another paddle full of sand smacked me full in the face. "EVEN A F_CKING JELLYFISH HAS MORE F_CKING SPINE THAN YOU F_CKING GOT! "
"Can't argue with him there…" I thought to myself as I spit out a mouthful of sand and then lay my head down on the sand just as another paddleful of sand fell on top of my head and knocked my *cover off.
*(Cover- Military word for head gear)
"WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO SCRUBBING F_CKING BEDPANS, DOC?!" Chief Vaughan screamed out loud as another paddle full of sand landed on my head and then promptly ran down my shirt, adding to my misery.
"C'MON MAN, RING THE F_CKING BELL, AND IT'LL ALL BE F_CKING OVER." The Chief roared as he flung boat paddle after boat paddle of sand on my body as I lay there not moving, grateful for the fact that I was being buried alive and could die in peace knowing that at least I hadn't voluntarily quit BUDs.
"Yeah, f_ck that stupid bell…" I thought to myself as I closed my eyes and blissfully waited to be buried alive to the sweet sounds of the U.S. Navy's most foul-mouthed SEAL Instructor lulling me to sleep with his angry rant.
"GO BACK TO YOUR NICE, CLEAN HOSPITAL, DOC! YOU DON'T F_CKING BELONG HERE!" Chief Vaughan roared as another plop of sand landed on my ass and then ran down my trousers.
"Asshole…" I said miserably as I felt the cold sand running down my pants. "…bad enough you're burying me alive, but couldn't you have at least aimed that last one somewhere else?"
"WADDAYA F_CKING SAY, DOC…?!" He shouted as another plop of sand ran down my trousers and into places that sand really shouldn't go as I swore again under my breath at my shitty luck. "…NO MORE F_CKING SAND! NO MORE F_CKING SURF! NO MORE F_CKING HELL WEEK!""
"C'MON! NICE HOT SHOWERS, CLEAN SCRUBS, HOT CHOW AND HOT NURSES! DOESN'T THAT SOUND F_CKING AWESOME?!" Chief Vaughan yelled, trying hard to test my motivation although at that point I had to admit it really did sound pretty awesome, actually.
"C'MON, DOC! RING THE F_CKING BELL! YOU'LL BE DOING YOUR BOAT CREW A F_CKING FAVOR TOO, NOT HAVING TO F_CKING DRAG YOUR WORTHLESS F_CKING ASS EVERYWHERE!" Chief Vaughan roared as I started to feel the strange sensation of the cold sand that was covering my body beginning to feel more and more like a warm, comforting blanket as I began to allow my body to relax and waited for sleep to come over me.
"C'MON DOC, WADDAYA F_CKING SAY?!" The Chief's voice roared harshly in my ears as I lifted my head up in irritation at his disturbing my near-slumber and yelled back at him irritably in response.
"I'm not ringing that f_cking bell, Instructor Vaughn so quit f_cking asking me, you f_cking asshole!" I sputtered groggily as the horrified gasps of the guys on my boat crew reached my ears as I heard footsteps coming towards me and then stop.
"What the f_ck did you say, doc?" The Chief asked in an unusually friendly-like tone as he knelt down next to me.
"F_CKING SPEAK UP, C-s! WHAT THE F_CK DID YOU SAY?!" The Chief then roared when I didn't answer right away, his tone of voice not nearly as friendly as it was before.
"I SAID I AIN'T RINGING THAT MOTHER-F_CKING PIECE OF SHIT BELL, INSTRUCTOR VAUGHAN!" I yelled in response, my determination to be a SEAL at any cost overpowering the misery I felt at having to endure "Hell Week" and Chief Petty Officer Vaughan's constant berating.
"HOOYAH!" I yelled in defiance as I heard the sound of the Chief sucking in his breath in order to vent his rage at me as I braced myself for another verbal onslaught.
"DADDY! WAKE UP!" The Chief screamed shrilly in my ear although oddly enough, in a little girl's voice, which immediately jolted me awake as I sat up in bed gasping for breath before I began staring all around at my surroundings, in confusion.
I wasn't on the beach at Coronado being buried alive, nor was I experiencing the pain and torture of the third day of "Hell Week".
I was home, and not the little run-down apartment I had been living in back in San Antonio, but my own house in the small town of Kerrville, Texas, located in the Texas Hill Country.
And even stranger, I was lying in my bedroom on a Japanese-style futon, surrounded all around by Japanese décor.
"This can't be…" I thought to myself wondering if I had finally fallen off the deep end at last. "…I left this house back in 2007, when the economy fell on its ass, and it certainly didn't look like this when I was living here."
"Daaaadddy….?!" I heard that same small voice calling out again, as I turned my head and was shocked to see, not a furious SEAL instructor glaring angrily at me, but a little girl kneeling on the floor right next to my futon whom appeared to be about 4-5 years of age, of visible Asian ancestry, and wearing a little girl's pink sundress and the cutest little pig-tails I'd ever seen, sticking out from both sides of her head.
But what really shocked me though about the teeny little girl kneeling next to me besides the angry scowl on her face as she stared at me in visible annoyance, was the identity of who the little girl was.
"Saeko-chan…?" I said, my eyes widening upon recognition of the kneeling figure before me. "…that can't be, Saeko is a teenager."
"Isn't she…?" I thought to myself my head reeling as I suddenly began to feel woozy and thought I might pass out.
"Daddy!" The chibi version of Saeko snapped irritably at me immediately snapping me out of my dizzy spell.
"Well, the frown is definitely Saeko's..." I thought as the young girl continued to glare at me, seemingly growing more annoyed with me with each passing second.
"Uh…what is it honey…?" I asked Saeko still confused as to what was going on and wondering if I had actually been locked up in some nut house and was now under the influence of some sort of anti-psychotic medications.
"You were having a bad dream daddy…." The chibi version of Saeko said still frowning at me. "…are you okay, now?"
"Um, yeah honey…." I stammered still reeling from what was happening around me as well as my unease at the way the little cutie was staring so angrily at me. "…I-I guess I was having a bad dream."
"Sure wish it had been a memory though, and not only a dream…" I thought to myself wishing once again that my life had gone another direction than what it had, and the vision that I had just had of my undergoing the first phase of BUDS training had not just been a mere dream.
"But I'm okay now, sweetheart..." I said trying to force myself to smile despite how crazy I thought this entire situation was.
"Are you sure, daddy?" Saeko replied still visibly skeptical despite my attempts to reassure her I wasn't losing my sanity, even though I wasn't all that sure myself.
"Yeah baby, I'm fine now…" I said once more with more enthusiasm as I winked at her in order to appear more convincing as Saeko merely stared at me in response without saying anything for several long moments which I had to admit, was a little unnerving actually, seeing her staring at me that way.
"Daddy?" Saeko asked, breaking the awkward silence.
"Yes, Saeko-chan?" I asked suddenly feeling more like I was being interrogated by a police detective and less than a father being questioned by his five-year old daughter.
"You said a bad word…" Saeko snapped, as her frown deepened significantly as I sat there staring back at her in mute silence before I then rolled over in my bed laughing my head off at the sight of this tiny little girl scolding me like an adult.
"Oh this is too much..!" I said finally roaring with laughter at the entire situation which had now turned hilarious, or at least to me, anyway.
Saeko on the other hand, didn't think my laughing at her was all that funny though as I was quick to find out.
"IT'S NOT FUNNY, DADDY!" Saeko said raising her voice while I continued to laugh my head off like an idiot, not realizing that Saeko was beginning to sniffle until I then gazed over at her and noticed to my horror that big crocodile tears were beginning to run down her cheeks.
"Waaaaaah….I'M GOING TO TELL MOMMY!" Saeko said finally bursting into tears, as she got up off her knees and started running towards the door.
"No, no, no, honey…don't cry…! "I said panicking as I quickly scooped Saeko into my arms and then placed her on my lap and held her as she howled at the top of her lungs.
"I'm sorry baby, I was just playing sweetheart!" I said trying to console the tiny little heartbroken bundle in my arms and failing miserably. "…Daddy didn't mean to make you cry sweetie…. I'm sorry."
"Nice going Jim..." I said cursing myself as Saeko continued to sob pitifully as I tried desperately to figure out a way to stop this tiny child with the man-size pair of lungs from freaking out the whole neighborhood. "…you're definitely not going to win father of the year anytime soon, ya dumb-ass."
"Hey, Saeko-chan….?" I said, spotting just the thing I needed to get myself out of the mess I was in as I reached for a sheet of paper that I had noticed holding earlier.
"What is that, honey?" I said making a big show of picking up the sheet of that she had dropped just as she was about to run out of the room.
"Is that a picture you colored, Saeko-chan?" I asked Saeko as she finally stopped crying and looked at the picture I was holding and then nodded her head, her eyes and cheeks all red and puffy.
"Hai, Teacher taught us the letter "A" today, daddy…." Saeko said, still sniffling. "See…"A" is for "apple, and I colored it."
"You sure did sweetie…" I said smiling warmly at Saeko as the tiny girl in my arms looked up at me, tears still running down her puffy cheeks.
"And my…that's a very pretty blue that you colored the apple there, Saeko-chan..." I said trying to keep from chuckling at the image of the apple in the middle of the sheet of paper that had been colored completely in the color blue as Saeko's face began to beam with joy at my praise of her artistic ability.
"Like father like daughter apparently…" I thought to myself, realizing that apparently my daughter had the same talent as I did when I was her age for choosing only the blue crayons to color with, and also for mashing the crayons into the paper in order to ensure that the coloring remained permanent.
"Woo, boy… I sure hope she gains some other talents as she grows up..." I thought to myself as Saeko then began to tell me everything that had happened to her in school today, the feelings of hurt she'd had earlier having evaporated almost as quickly as they had come.
But just as Saeko was telling me about what the servers had cooked for lunch at school, I was hit with the sudden, horrible thought that the little "moment" I was now spending with my daughter was no more real than the dream I'd had earlier of my being a SEAL candidate undergoing "Hell Week" at Coronado.
"Oh shit, is this is a dream too..?" I thought to myself with growing dread as I gazed down at the tiny miracle in my arms and fell my whole world falling apart around me.
"What if all of this is a dream, too..?" I thought to myself as I listened to the tiny girl sitting in my lap talking about her friends at school, as I then held her tighter.
"No…please…I have a family." I said aloud as my eyes began to tear and I noticed Saeko stop talking as she looked up at me quizzically. "…I have a home."
"Please, don't let this be a dream…." I said my voice rising as I gazed down on Saeko's face and then leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead and held on to her for dear life. "…please don't do that to me…please."
"PLEASE…!" I said as I then held Saeko tightly against my chest. "…this is all I've ever really wanted…please, I've tried to help others as much as I can….I've bled, hurt, sacrificed and nearly died several times trying to be a good man."
"PLEASE…don't take my baby away from not me…!" I begged as I looked down at Saeko who had stopped talking and looked up at me. "Please not my little girl…please, I'm begging you."
"Daddy…why are you crying?" Saeko's tiny voice sounded in my ear her voice filled with rising alarm as I heard her beginning to sniffle all over again. "Daddy…who's gonna take me away?"
"Nobody baby…nobody's gonna take you away from me, I promise…" I said lying through my teeth, trying desperately to keep from getting Saeko all worked up again.
"Daddy's crying because he loves you so much…" I said barely able to force a smile as I held Saeko tightly in my arms, and then spoke out loud my most heartfelt thoughts at that very moment as I held her even tighter against my chest.
"If any of the things I ever did has meant anything…" I said aloud desperately as I clung to Saeko, knowing that I was scaring her but far too afraid to let go. "…then please, I beg of you, if this is a dream, then please, let it be the last thing I ever remember before I die…"
"Please don't take my little girl away from me…" I said my emotions finally overwhelming me as I broke down in tears. "…PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU!"
"Daddy…who are you talking to?!" Saeko asked with growing panic, her eyes wide with fear as I gazed through blinding tears upon Saeko's face… my daughter.
And I gazed upon the beautiful face of my daughter, I took every feature in as if it were the very last time I would ever see her again as I gazed into those beautiful dark eyes that were now all red and puffy from crying, her ebony hair tied into cute little pigtails with pink string tied around them, and her little hands gripping tightly onto my arms as I held her.
"I love you baby…" I said to Saeko as if in farewell as I finally broke down into a sobbing mess, unable to control my emotions any longer.
"MOMMY, SOMETHING's WRONG WITH DADDY…!" I heard Saeko yelling in panic before she then started crying again.
"HONEY?!" The sound of a woman's voice coming from the next room reached my ears as Saeko kept crying and I heard footsteps rushing towards us and I suddenly felt a presence stop at the door to my bedroom.
"Jim….honey, what's wrong?!" The female voice asked in a worried voice as I looked up at the figure of the woman standing at the door, my vision blurred from the blinding tears falling down my face.
"My wife…" I said aloud as I desperately tried to blink the tears out of my eyes in order to see the face of the woman that I had so fondly wished for, for so many lonely years.
But just as I opened my eyes…..
I found myself looking up into the late afternoon sky, with the only sound filling my ears being the roar of the river as I then sat up and saw to my dismay, that I was sitting in several inches of water a few feet away from the riverbank as the chill of a cool breeze suddenly flowed over me and I began to shiver in my wet clothes.
Location: Tokonosu City, Japan
Time: Late Afternoon
Spring 2XXX
Z-Day plus Two
It had been a dream…every bit of it.
No… actually it wasn't a dream.
What it really was, was the most horrible kind of joke that could be played on a broken man who has known nothing but misery most of his life by giving him a small slice of the joy for the merest glimpse of time only to snatch it away from him and then shove the horrible reality of the hell that is his life, right back into face.
After having experienced such a horrible thing, I doubt anyone would disagree that Death would have been preferable to waking up from such a heart-breaking experience.
And right now, Death was exactly what I wanted more than anything else.
It is said that what dreams really are is our deepest hopes, wants, desires, and anxieties that lie so deep within us, that we are not even conscious of them until our mind enters that realm of sleep and our mind relaxes and lets us see these hidden thoughts in the form of dreams.
Sometimes we only see those visions in small pieces, but as in my case, sometimes they appear in a vision so clear that I truly believed that I was living every moment of it.
And the one thing dearest to my heart which made my waking up from that dream that much more painful had just been ripped out of my arms along with my heart as I looked down and saw that there was nothing in my arms, which a mere moment ago had been holding the most precious bundle a man could ever have.
But the horrible reality for me was that I was still stranded in Japan, a man currently being hunted by both men and monsters and lost in a horrible nightmare that I could not escape from, and doomed to endure it for as long as I remained alive.
And upon realizing that there was no other way I could escape this horrible reality, the anguish that I was feeling at the moment began to overwhelm me until I could keep inside no longer.
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY…?!" I roared angrily into the sky at the top of my voice, not caring who or even what, heard my anguished cry.
I had never blamed God for my troubles, and even as distraught as I was at the moment, I wasn't starting now, but with no one answering my cry of anguish, I then angrily jumped to my feet and with my body beaten and bruised and hurting in every possible way, I once again shouted at the sky at the top of my lungs, not caring if any Infected were lurking around.
As far as I was concerned, they could kill me, and I would have welcomed their arrival too.
"I GAVE EVERYTHING I HAD, DAMMIT..!" I yelled as the tears fell from my face. "…AND ALL ANYONE EVER F_CKING DID WAS ASK FOR MORE!"
"NOBODY EVER GAVE A RAT F_CK ABOUT ME! I WAS JUST SOMEONE THEY COULD USE, AND THEN THROW AWAY LIKE A PIECE OF F_CKING GARBAGE!"
"I NEVER ASKED FOR MUCH...!" I roared into the afternoon sky. "…ALL I WANTED WAS THIS ONE LITTLE THING!"
"AFTER ALL THE THINGS I'VE DONE FOR OTHERS, WHY COULDN'T I HAVE AT LEAST DIED WITH THAT ONE LITTLE BIT OF HAPPINESS?!" I howled in anguish as I fell to my knees.
And then before I even realized what I was doing, I reached for the butt of my Sig pistol and pulled it out of its holster and pulled the hammer back before putting the muzzle against my head.
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?" I roared in anguish as long and as loud as I could, the only sound in my ears being the roar of the river.
It wasn't the first time I had ever asked that same question in my life, in fact, I had asked that same question many times over the years.
But this was the first time I had ever asked that very question with my pistol in my hand, and pointed at my head as I knelt there for a long time letting my tears flow until there was nothing left in me, before finally lowering the pistol from my head and then staring at it for an even longer amount of time.
After a considerable amount of time had passed, I then pressed the hammer release lever on my pistol and de-cocked my weapon before returning it to its holster as I stood up and gazed out over the river in silence and pondered the miracle that had just happened.
As much as I wished at that moment that I were no longer alive I couldn't help but think to myself how ironic it was that I, who had wanted so much to have been a SEAL years ago couldn't swim for shit, and yet somehow had managed to survive from drowning in a rushing river while weighed down with weapons and ammo.
In fact, I had nearly drowned twice before back during my days as a fireman when I was undergoing swift-water rescue training, so why not this time when the odds of my survival were so much against my favor?
Why?
But no matter how much I pondered on the subject, no answer came to me and after a while, I gave up trying to find an answer as I then knelt down near the rushing river and splashed some water onto my face before walking back up to the riverbank and checking my carbine which had somehow miraculously managed to stay lung over my shoulder despite my little swimming adventure.
I pulled out the empty 60-round Surefire magazine that was still snug in the magwell of my carbine and put it away in one of my vest pockets and checked the chamber of my weapon to make sure that it was clear of mud or any other debris before I pulled out a fresh 30 round mag from my combat vest and slapped it into the M-4's magwell, and then pulled back on the charging handle to cycle a round into the chamber.
Once I made sure I was *loaded and locked, I then made a quick check of my surroundings to make sure that no Infected were anywhere nearby as I then removed my compass from one of my vest pouches and checked my bearings to make sure that I wasn't on the wrong side of the river where I wouldn't be able to reach the kids.
(*Contrary to popular belief, this is actually the correct phrase used)
Luckily for me, I confirmed that I was on the same side of the river based on what my compass told me as I then looked over at the position of the sun, and then checked my watch and frowned at how much time had already passed.
It would be dark soon, and searching for the kids in the dark in unfamiliar territory with cannibalistic monsters lurking all around was something I truly wished to avoid as I painfully climbed up the embankment and then pulled out my monocular and studied the area upriver for several moments.
But after a while I shook my head in frustration as I saw nothing about the surrounding area that looked anything remotely similar to the spot where I had jumped, or any sign that the kids and their school nurse where anywhere nearby, either.
"Either they took a different route after I jumped…" I mumbled to myself as I returned my monocular back to its pouch. "…or I drifted a hell of a lot farther downstream than I thought."
In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I began to believe that it was the latter, since I had been unconscious for hours according to the dial on my dive watch, so there really was no telling just how far I had floated downstream.
In fact, all I could remember after my near suicidal plunge into the rushing river was my body tumbling along the river bottom and smashing into every friggin' rock that seemed to be resting on the river bottom as I tried desperately to free myself from my heavy pack which had proven to be not nearly as buoyant as I had hoped.
And as I struggled to remove the straps from off my shoulders the last thing I remembered was a bright flash from my head striking something hard and then… nothing.
And now here I was hours later, alive and somewhat well, although a large part of me was wishing that I wasn't.
But while I may have had no love for life at that particular moment, the fact remained that there were five teenagers and one young woman stranded out there whose lives were still very much in danger, and while I had been sitting here on my ass feeling sorry for myself, heaven knows what might be happening to them.
And that being the case, I needed to cowboy the f_ck up and get my ass in gear before something did happen to them as I did a quick check of all my remaining gear to see exactly what I had left on hand.
Sometime during my underwater tumble, my pack must have been torn free which would explain why I had managed to escape from drowning, however, the loss of the pack was a major blow since my reserve med-pak, M24 rifle, extra ammo, and all my other gear were stowed in it.
And that being the case, the only means of survival I had was what weapons, ammo, and gear I had on me, which really wasn't all that much tactically-speaking, but would have been the envy of any of the cast of "The Walking Dead."
That being said, even without my pack, I was still pretty heavily armed and therefore, the best shot the group of survivors had at surviving this nightmare, so I needed to get my ass in gear if I wanted to find them before nightfall as I began to climb up the steep hill on the side of the riverbank.
Fortunately, since I was on the right side of the river there was a strong possibility that the group of survivors that I had left behind might still be upriver looking for me, or, at the very least were still walking in my direction once they had realized that I wouldn't be coming back.
And hopefully, if that were indeed the case then maybe, just maybe, I would be able to meet up with them somewhere upriver and possibly finish what I had started and return them to their families.
My own life had been one big disappointment after another, but maybe for this group of kids and their school nurse there might be a happy ending for them at least, as I finished climbing up the side of the riverbank so that I could overlook the entire area and still be able to observe anything coming towards me as I then began to briskly walk upriver.
After about an hour of walking without observing any signs of movement, I began to ponder deeply about the dream I had experienced earlier, and the more my mind dwelt on it, the more puzzling the riddle of my dream became.
For starters, the dream had focused on two things that had been dearest to my heart, which had been my desire to serve as a member of SEAL Team in the United States Military, and the other…my having a family of my own.
Time and unforeseen circumstances and some of the decisions I made, had ruined any chances that I could have had of ever having both, and over the long years that passed, the regret that I had over never having achieved either one had gnawed at me constantly.
My disappointment at not ever becoming a member of SEAL Team was pretty tough to deal with since I was born and raised in the South Texas city of San Antonio, which was a Military town, where you could see groups of servicemen from all branches of the Military always walking around in the downtown area.
And while most of those young men were either mostly young airmen based out of Lackland Air Force Base, or Army "grunts" based out of Fort Sam Houston, occasionally you could also see a group of sailors or Marines there in the mix.
And while catching sight of them was rare, once in a great while I would catch a glimpse of men attached to one of the Military Special Forces units, whom I knew were going through combat medical training at Fort Sam, which was only a mile from where I lived.
But then on even rarer occasions, I would sometimes catch a glimpse of someone dressed head-to-toe in forest "cammies", and wearing the gold-plated "Budweiser" identifying him as a SEAL proudly on his chest…
But each time I saw them, it was always a reminder of what could have been, but would never be.
And as far as having a family?
Well, that was actually no surprise to be honest.
In life, I was never much of a socializer, and when it came to social events I was about as socially awkward as they come and of course, being a fireman didn't help much since most civilians don't really understand or appreciate our rather "unique" sense of humor sometimes.
And of course, trying to be social when all you want to do is go home and forget the shit you just experienced after working a twenty-four hour shift, doesn't help either.
Still, a lot of guys managed to get married and raise a family despite all the social awkwardness that comes from someone working in Emergency Services, so I guess I really have no excuse.
So to be honest, even I don't know what the hell happened, all I know is that it would be hard for me to go to a wedding or a baby shower and try to be social and smile as the happy couple or the new expectant parents were enjoying their happy occasion, when I was about as miserable as could be over some crazy-ass shit that I had just gone though at work.
And of course, me not wanting to be the dark cloud in the group, I eventually just stopped going to social events altogether and stayed at home drowning my sorrows in cup after cup of coffee in favor of booze.
At work I was a different person though, and you'd be surprised at the remarkable change in me as joked with the rest of the guys on my squad as we bull-shitted about some really f_cked-up call we had experienced on some prior shift, or laughed our asses off whenever we pulled pranks on each other or on the guys from the Police Department whom often dropped by for a visit.
But then as soon as the shift was over it was a different story, although I would occasionally hang out with the guys sometimes when we were off duty, although in time, eventually I stopped hanging around with them as well.
I guess it really should have been no surprise to me that I never had a family of my own, I mean seriously, it's kind of hard for someone to find that special someone and hope to start a family when you intentionally shut yourself off from the whole world, even those whom you call "family".
And if you intentionally shut yourself off from even friends and family, well hell, who wants to be stuck with someone like that for the rest of their lives?
Needless to say, the realization that I wasn't exactly someone's idea of the "ideal" mate didn't do much to help soothe the loneliness and depression that I suffered all those years, and before long my outlook on love, work, and even wanting to be alive became almost non-existent.
But then when I became a PMC, everything was exciting again, new, exhilirating…..fun.
And by the end of my training as I walked up the ramp to the plane on my first OP as a PMC, I was so thrilled at what I had just accomplished after all those rigorous months of intense training that I felt like a rookie fireman all over again….eager, excited, scared as hell, but I couldn't think of anywhere else that I wanted to be.
It was exactly the kind of jolt that I desperately needed to want to live life again.
In fact I was so stoked at the time, that the only thing that could have made me even happier was if the guys onboard the plane had just handed me the "Budweiser", the coveted symbol that meant that I had earned a place amongst them as a SEAL operator.
My joy however, had been short-lived just like all the other few happy moments I'd ever had in my life when I found myself separated from my guys and being chased by monsters and men intent on killing me on my very first OP.
And while I was no twenty-something cadet straight out the Fire Academy afraid of his own shadow, in truth, I was really out of my element nonetheless although I was managing to stay alive so far and hadn't gotten anyone else killed yet either.
But then when I came across a group of teens and their school nurse scared and fighting for their lives, everything had changed, and in more ways than one.
Now I was back in my element, helping people when they needed help the most, and I had slid into the role of guardian, quite easily.
And even though this unexpected setback had complicated things, my miraculous survival had now given me a second chance
And as the sun began to set, I finally heard the familiar sound of a motorcycle approaching from upriver and as I ran towards the sound I saw a large bridge stretched over the river that was filled with abandoned cars and barricaded with barbed wire on the opposite end.
And I blew out a sigh of relief at the sight of the shadowy figures of the teens and their nurse standing underneath the bridge animatedly talking amongst themselves, almost as if they were arguing about something.
At the time though, I couldn't care less about what they were talking about since all I wanted to right then was shout and wave my arms and let them know that I was alive and then go hug them all and laugh with relief that we had all made it.
But I didn't.
I was not a fireman anymore, and as much as I wished it and had even dreamed about it just a few hours ago, I was no one's father either, I was a half-ass rookie mercenary marooned in their country and nothing more.
And being that I was a merc and not a public servant, I needed to start acting like one and make sure my "packages" were not about to be ambushed by any unseen attackers as I scouted the area around them first to make sure they were safe before I began my approach to where they sat under the bridge.
The street lights were only now beginning to flicker on as the sun was beginning to set as I made my approach, although even if there had been no illumination whatsoever there was no way that I could have missed the now familiar angry, shrieking voice of Saya screaming her head off which was further amplified by echoing underneath the bridge.
"Wonder what Kouta did now?" I said with a sigh as I stopped for a moment and took another look around the area and thought to myself just how lucky the kids had been not to have been attacked by any of the Infected with all that noise they were making when I suddenly noticed that another female voice was screaming angrily back at Saya.
And only then did I realize something bigger was going on and not just the regular "Saya and Kouta show" that I had come to know and love.
Since all of the shouting was in Japanese, I couldn't tell at all what it was they were saying as the shouting echoed across the river, but I could tell it was getting ugly by the second and being that we were all still very much in danger, I stepped up my pace over to the bridge in order to put a quick halt to all the fireworks before the kids started attracting unwanted attention and inadvertently get us all killed.
And as I reached the edge of the hill near the bridge and gazed down upon the road running underneath, I was extremely shocked to see both Saya and Rei trying desperately to kill each other while the rest of the teens were trying just as desperately to keep them apart while Shizuka was in the middle of it all trying to restore order.
"Didn't take long for them to completely fall apart now, did it?" I said underneath my breath as I shook my head in disgust and sighed heavily in frustration.
"Geez, I leave you kids alone for a few minutes and you're already trying to kill each other…" I said sarcastically, hoping my voice would be enough to distract the two girls from trying to kill each other as every one of them finally stopped screaming and kicking and looked up at me in visible shock as I stiffly began walking down the hill towards them.
I guess they must have thought they were seeing a ghost or something the way no one reacted at first, but then again, even I hadn't thought I would survive from being swept away in the river myself.
All that changed though the moment I finally began walking up the road towards them though, and to my surprise, the welcome I received was not quite what I had expected
"JIMU-SAN!" I heard Saeko shriek as she suddenly ran towards me with out-stretched arms and nearly knocked me over from the force of her slamming herself against my body as she began to cry loudly in my arms.
And as I held Saeko's tiny body against mine as she cried her eyes out, for a brief moment, I didn't see the young woman that was standing there as I returned her embrace, but instead I saw the same tiny, little girl with the cute pigtails that I had seen in my dream.
And for that brief moment in time, I allowed myself to pretend that I was holding the child that I always wanted whom had filled the empty space in my heart and in my life and even though I was tired and beaten, this one moment had refreshed me more so than anything else could have and I was filled with a joy I thought I'd never experience in my life.
"Hey sweetie…." I said to Saeko as I hugged her even tighter, wishing that beautiful moment would never end.
After a moment had passed though I began to feel the eyes of the rest of the group staring at us and as I looked up I couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed that I had been focusing all my attention on Saeko and had forgotten about the others as I gazed back at them with a silly grin on my face
"Hey guys…" I began feeling a little self-conscious of the way they were all staring at me.
"Everyone all righ_" I began when Saeko suddenly broke away from my embrace and then slapped me as hard as she could across the face, the blow taking me completely off guard as I stumbled backwards.
Catching myself before I could fall ass over teakettle, I shook off the stars that were dancing in my head and then stared in shock at the young girl whom only a moment ago had been weeping with joy at my miraculous return, but who now stood there before me with nothing but fury in her eyes.
"BAKAAAA…!" Saeko screamed angrily at me, tears streaming down her face as the joy that I had been feeling only a moment ago, was quickly dashed to pieces.
"Ara?" Shizuka said as she watched with horror as Saeko suddenly slapped the American as hard as she could across the face as the man stumbled back from the unexpected blow and then shook his head and gazed in shocked surprised like everyone else by Saeko's sudden outburst.
"Ow…well, I guess I deserved that for some reason... " The man said with a silly smirk on his face in an effort to ease the growing tension.
"Dang, Saeko-chan, you really clobbered me the_…" The American began when Saeko once again slapped the man again even harder than before as he grimaced.
"AAH…SUNUVA…!" The man swore as he placed his hand on his deeply reddening cheek.
"Dammit Saeko, I said I was sor_...!" The man shouted in a mixture of anger and pain as Saeko suddenly slapped him once more on the other side of his face.
"DAMMIT YOUNG LADY, THAT'S ENOUGH...!" The man roared in anger as he was suddenly forced to defend himself as the angry teen began to pummel him with her fists as the rest of the group watched in complete shock.
Growing frustrated at being assaulted for no apparent reason, the American successfully dodged a couple of violent blows from the wildly swinging teenage girl and managed to grab ahold of both of her arms as Saeko then angrily tried to shake him off with an jujitsu throw that the man was easily able to shrug off as he then effortlessly picked her up by the waist and lifted the screaming girl off the ground.
"DAMMIT SAEKO…!" The man yelled as Saeko continued to punch and kick him in mindless fury. "…KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!"
"I HATE YOU!" Saeko screamed at the top of her voice in anger, before she then suddenly stopped her violent struggling and burst into tears as Shizuka saw a pained expression appear on the man's face in reaction to Saeko's word's.
"I hate you…" Saeko repeated as the man sighed heavily before he then gently lowered Saeko to the ground and then released her.
And as her feet were once again firmly on the ground Saeko quickly turned around and was about to deliver a verbal onslaught at the man when she suddenly hesitated upon noticing the strange expression on the man's face.
And to Saeko's surprise, despite her violent attack upon him there appeared to be no hint of anger whatsoever in the man's eyes, instead, there was only the same intense sadness that she had seen just before he had jumped off the bridge and plunged into the rushing waters of the river below.
Yet despite her hesitation, Saeko's fury with the man was far from spent as she fearlessly stepped forward and glared angrily into the man's eyes.
"Why…?!" Saeko said her voice chilling the air around her, tears streaming down her face.
"Why did you jump?!" Saeko said angrily as the American merely lowered his head and just stood in silence as Saeko unleashed her wrath on him.
"I thought you were dead…!'' Saeko said her voice rising as the tears from her eyes began to flow even more now. "…I thought you were dead and now your back acting as if nothing had happened! "
"I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" Saeko screamed as it appeared that she was about to assault the man once again, but only fell against him as the American gently wrapped his arms around Saeko and held her as she sobbed uncontrollably against his chest.
"She's right you know…" Saya said suddenly, as Shizuka noticed that angry tears were also falling down the pink-haired teen's face as well.
"Why did you keep going in the first place if it was so dangerous!?" Saya said her voice growing louder as her anger with the American grew. "And why did you shoot if you knew you were going to be attacked!?"
"No one asked you to do any of that!" Saya suddenly shouted before bursting into tears as well, as Shizuka immediately reached over and wrapped her arms around the weeping teen.
"Jimu-san?" Shizuka said trying to keep her emotions in control, as tears of her own began to fall down her own face as Saya wept in her arms. "I hate to say this but the girls are right, that was a very stupid thing for you to do."
"Stupid would be an understatement…." Rei said interrupting, as she glared angrily at the American. "He almost got killed because like all Americans he felt that he had to be a hero."
"Miyamoto-san!" Shizuka snapped angrily. "That was completely out of line!"
"Actually, she has a point..." Kouta said quietly as everyone turned to gaze at the soft-spoken teenage boy still holding the American's sniper rifle in his hands.
"At first, I had thought that what he did was very brave…" Kouta said gazing longingly at the heavy rifle in his hands. "…and I kept thinking to myself that I hoped I would be brave enough to do the same thing, if I were ever in the same position."
"But now I don't know…." Kouta said shaking his head as he glanced over at the American for a moment before lowering his eyes.
Of all of the people standing before me as I held Saeko in my arms, only Takashi said nothing in response to all the comments made by his comrades, but the look in his eyes spoke volumes to me and there was no doubt in my mind that he did not approve of my actions either.
So there it was, as painfully eye-opening as a kick in the nuts.
After all that I had done to protect everyone including nearly sacrificing my own life, in their eyes I wasn't a man who had given everything he had to protect their lives, in their minds, I was just a screw-up who had nearly thrown away his life unnecessarily all so that I could be regarded as some sort of "hero".
Most people would have lost it after being told something like that and told everyone to "go to hell" at this point, but of course I realized that emotions had been running high even before my unexpected arrival, and I knew that the kids were just venting and really didn't mean what they were saying.
Still, after all I had just been through including nearly coming within a hairbreadth of blowing my brains out the kids couldn't have picked a worse time to go off on me, even though it wasn't the first time I'd been treated in such a way by those I had sought to help.
And even though I realized it was just emotions running wild right now, I could feel the same bitterness that had finally pushed me to finally turn in my badge after twenty-five years of service welling up in me as I gazed upon all the faces glaring angrily at me.
But as I heard and felt Saeko weeping so pitifully in my arms, the pain that I felt at having caused her so much grief was hurting me more so than any of the blows that she had landed on me earlier, or the angry looks on the faces of her friends.
"So much for a happy reunion…" I thought to myself as I gazed down upon Saeko who had finally stopped crying.
"Ah well…" I said with a heavy sigh as I brushed Saeko's hair with my hand as she lifted up her head and gazed up at me, the image of the little girl with the cute pigtails that I had seen in my dream staring back at me as I gazed into her face for a long moment.
"But of course, that and everything else was all just a dream, wasn't it…?" I said under my breath sadly as I slowly released Saeko from my arms and then brushed the tears from her cheeks as she gazed at me with a curious expression on her face, no doubt confused by my words.
Unfortunately, there was no time for me to offer an explanation, even if I had wanted to in the first place.
At that particular moment, all I really wanted, was to be alone.
"I'm sorry I upset you, sweetie…" I finally managed to mumble to Saeko as I patted her gently on the shoulder and offered her a weak smile before I then hefted my carbine and began to walk back up the hill the same way I had come.
"Jimu-san…!" I heard Saeko and Shizuka call out to me as I turned my head and noticed that all of them were staring at me in shock.
"I don't mean to be rude guys…" I said curtly as I began walking back up the steep hill.
"But right now, I need to make sure all this ruckus we've all stirred up hasn't gotten the attention of any unfriendly visitors." I said as I then paused for a moment and then turned back to face the group.
"But before I go…" I continued my voice becoming more frigid as I fought the bitterness in my heart. "I'd like for all of you to think about something while I'm gone."
"Take a good look at the person standing next to you…" I said as the faces of each person staring at me turned from one of shock into one of visible confusion.
"Go on…" I said curtly as Shizuka and each of the teens then warily glanced at each other before returning their gaze towards me.
"You guys have known each other for years, probably ever since grade school…" I said trying to keep my emotions in check as I attempted to teach the group a very valuable lesson that I hoped would not be lost on them, unlike so many others whom I had tried to teach the very same lesson before, but failed.
"So my question to you is…" I continued as I gazed at each and every one of them.
"Would you be willing to die so that the person standing next to you could live?" I asked as I noticed each of the kid's open their mouth in order to reply, but as expected, I watched as each of them hesitated for a moment as if they were afraid to answer.
"You see, you hesitated, even though the person next to you is a friend…" I said with a sigh as I rubbed my brow with my left hand.
"And the reason you hesitated is because even though you may have known the person standing next to you all your life, if it ever became a matter of life or death, none of you are really sure exactly what you would do when that time came."
"Don't get me wrong…" I continued as I shook my head sadly before I glanced over at the group of teens again. "…most people will react the same way and hesitate before they decide whether or not saving someone else's life is worth the possibility of losing their own."
"But in case ya'll didn't notice…" I said unable to hide the bitterness I felt any longer. "I didn't hesitate to act when your lives were in danger, even though I had never met any of you before yesterday."
"Think about that next time before you decide to spout off at me again about how stupid you think I am for risking my life for any of you…" I said with a hard edge to my voice as I immediately turned my back on everyone and began walking away from them.
"And regardless of what any of ya'll may think of me…" I said coldly over my shoulder as I made my way up the hill. "…if any of ya'll want to survive this nightmare, stay put right where you are and keep your voices down until I get back."
"Cause in case ya'll haven't noticed…" I said bitterly as I resumed my climb up the hill. "…we're not out of the woods yet."
Author's notes: Updated 4-5-2016
This chapter was updated from its previous version first released in 2014.
Please enjoy.
For all those military personnel who might be reading this story, Jim's interest in the SEAL Teams will be elaborated on more as the story continues.
And on a personal note, to all of the guys in the SEAL TEAM's and Special Boat Units, to you, my most deepest and sincerest respect.