Hermione knew that in the years to come – if there were years left for her - it wouldn't be the pain that she would remember so crystal clearly. She knew the pain would fade in her memory, she knew the terror of their capture, the regal, but crumpled figures of the Malfoy family, and even the heavy lidded, wild haired and crazy eyed woman who was sure to haunt her dreams for weeks on end would eventually flit away from her like Dandelion seeds in a breeze. But the feeling of everything slipping away, the dark, quiet corner of her brain that had gradually become louder and louder and screamed for death, the cold, and the feel of her mind, her self, draining away like water down a plughole, that would be what stayed with her forever. Never had the girl with such a thirst for knowledge, such a thirst for life, felt so betrayed by her brain.
She was lying on her back, Bellatrix looming above her, her matted hair encircling Hermione so the only thing she could see was the face of evil, inches away from her, rancid breath rolling over her skin as the woman yelled and screamed and hurt her.
*"You're lying, filthy Mudblood, and I know it! You have been inside my vault at Gringotts! Tell the truth, tell the truth!"*
As more pain sliced through her body, tearing at everything in its path, she wondered vaguely who was screaming so terribly, only to realise the sound was coming from her.
*"What else did you take, what else? ANSWER ME! CRUCIO!"*
The agony of that curse was so intense it was beyond anything she could ever have conceived. Her bones were burning, her muscles screaming, her blood boiling.
Hermione thought that she'd never been so afraid in her life, but within 2 seconds, she was proved wrong. She felt the brutal thrust of Bellatrix's Legilimency stab into her mind like an ice pick into the eye.
Severus.
No.
Something hot and fierce bubbled in her heart, rising up into her head and slamming everything shut with such force she momentarily lost all sense of self.
"The little bitch knows Occlumency!" shrieked Bellatrix.
But she was wrong, Hermione didn't know Occlumency, she just knew she couldn't betray Severus, she couldn't be the reason he was hurt. But that might not hold for long enough.
*"How did you get into my vault?" Bellatrix screamed again. "Did that dirty little goblin in the cellar help you?"
"We only met him tonight! We've never been inside your vault." She desperately thought of a distraction. "It isn't the real sword! It's a copy, just a copy!"
"A copy?" screeched Bellatrix. "Oh, a likely story!"
"But we can find out easily!" came Lucius's voice. "Draco, fetch the goblin, he can tell us whether the sword is real or not!"*
She'd bought a few more moments until Bellatrix tried to enter her mind again. Good. And the dark and the cold were calling to her, and if she slipped under, then perhaps she'd be able to keep her secrets, her Severus safe … forever.
Then there was pain beyond pain, every muscle in her body shattered, every bone crumpled to dust, every drop of her dirty, dirty blood pouring out of her, more screaming, more anxious conversations, but it seemed further away from her now, it seemed less important.
Perhaps this was how Severus had felt, when he'd been punished.
It wasn't surprising really, all those times he'd been pleased to see her despite himself, she thought idly. It felt like her wold had shrunk, and now only consisted of darkness and agony and detachment. How would she feel if she suddenly had to return to a place as huge as Hogwarts? Terrified.
It's dangerous to think of Severus.
She came back to herself some time later, at the feel of Bellatrix's knife to her throat.
She could feel Harry and Ron in the room.
*"Drop your wands," whispered Bellatrix. "Drop them, or we'll see exactly how filthy her blood is!"*
It's okay, Hermione wanted to tell them, let her do it.
Then there was a crash, and a fall, and a thousand tiny knives sinking into her skin, and the darkness claimed her.
Hermione was aware of her legs moving, arms supporting her on either side, she could smell the sea, and caught a flash of ginger hair she hoped was Ron's, before she was lying on something soft, and she drifted back off into the darkness.
When she woke, a few hours later, panic seized her, it's icy fist grasping her chest, crushing her lungs, her eyes flew open, but soft, silvery hair was the first thing she saw, and the flowery scent that greeted her nose was so far from what she'd smelt at Malfoy Manor, that she quickly calmed.
"Where are Harry and Ron?" Her voice had taken on a hoarse quality that she'd heard on more than one occasion from Severus.
Severus!
Her hand flew to her mirror, still tucked safely in her bra. It was hot. Not warm, but hot. She squeezed her eyes closed thinking of the turmoil he was surely in if he knew what had transpired.
"Zey are both far better off than you." Fleur was saying, her accent less noticeable than Hermione had ever heard it. "Harry is digging a grave for ze elf, and Ronald is talking to Bill and Dean."
"The elf?" Hermione asked, her hand still closed tightly over her mirror. "Dobby's here?"
"Ze elf … Dobby, e rescued you. And a knife, it … it struck him." Fleur said slowly, looking genuinely upset.
"He's dead?" Said Hermione, tears stinging hot and prickly in her eyes.
"Yes," said Fleur. "I'm sorry, I thought you knew."
"No." Hermione whispered. "I need the toilet. Where's the toilet?"
"At ze end of ze hall," said Fleur, "but you should rest-"
"I'll be back in a minute." Said Hermione firmly, sitting upright, grabbing her wand and swinging her legs over the bed. She made it out of the room before the world began to sway, and grey squares threatened to take over her vision. She leant against the wall, briefly pressing her forehead to a glass framed picture, before she took a deep breath and forced herself on.
All at once she tumbled into the pink pastille bathroom, locked the door behind her, and wretched into the bath tub, her head swimming, hot salty tears splashing down from her eyes. The darkness was one step away again, it was closing in, it's apathy and emptiness more appealing than ever, as the grief of losing a truly brave, truly loyal friend shook her, literally, as she slumped against the bath.
Severus.
Forcing herself to take another deep breath in, and stay with the present, she opened her mirror.
"Aguamenti." She whispered, the memory of Severus devising that password all those months ago made yet more tears spill from her eyes.
'HERMIONE.'
'HERMIONE.'
'HERMIONE … PLEASE.'
'PLEASE.'
Over and over again those words were plastered across her mirror, covering the whole of it, and she thought again of how desperately worried he must be.
'Severus,' she sent, 'it's okay, I'll be fine. I'll be fine I promise.'
His reply came barely seconds after she'd sent her message.
'Oh thank … fuck, I … Hermione...'
'I'm okay Severus. I'm so sorry it's been so long, I-'
'Hermione. Hermione, I ... I need to see you. I need to see you now. This second. Where are you?'
'Severus you can't,' she sent, the beginnings of a bittersweet smile on her lips. 'There are too many people, but I'm safe, I really am safe.'
'Good. But I need to see you. I must see you.'
'If there's a way, I'll let you know, I promise, but I need to figure things out first … I only just … woke up and-'
'How badly are you hurt?"
'Not … not that badly. I'll be okay. Are you hurt?'
'I'm fine. Hermione-'
'Severus, I'm going to have to go, I'm in the bathroom, but I'm safe and I'll be fine, remember that. And I love you. I love you so much.'
She snapped the mirror shut before he had time to reply, forcing herself to focus on her present, thinking of Harry and his inevitable agony at the loss of Dobby. The elf who had saved them all.
Severus Snape stood by the tallest window in the Astronomy Tower, his black frame only slightly darker than the sky, early as it still was. He gazed down at his pale, shaking hands, committing Hermione's last message to memory. He squeezed his eyes shut, and took a measured breath in in an attempt to steady himself.
Never, in his whole life, had he ever been so afraid.
He'd been trying to catch a few hours' sleep when the burn of a summons had called him from his bed. The Dark Lord did not often bother him at Hogwarts, and almost never did so at such an unsociable hour. Ignoring the trickle of unease down his spine, he had quickly dressed, and apparated to his Master's side.
Malfoy Manor had been in ruins. Lucius, Draco, Narcissa, and even Bellatrix had been sprawled on the floor, their limbs twitching, their chests rising and falling too rapidly.
"These fools allowed Harry Potter and his little friends to escape from their capture, their home, right under their very noses." The Dark Lord had hissed, his voice high with fury. "My Death Eaters, my elite, thwarted, by a blood traitor, a mudblood, a goblin and a house elf… Look at them. Look. At. Them."
Severus had allowed his eyes to properly survey the damage done to the people he had once considered friends, ignoring the pounding in his ears, the panic in is heart. Hermione had been here. But she had escaped, he'd told himself. She had escaped. The Death Eaters standing around him had shifted uncomfortably on their feet.
"This is the price of failure. This is a price you will all pay if you fail me, lie to me, or let me down like this. Now get out of my sight."
All too happy to obey, Severus had turned and walked out of the room, noting, with a sickening jolt, the smashed chandelier and the droplets of blood on the floor. He'd known that the Dark Lord wouldn't have done that - he kept his damage confined to people. He'd realised, all at once, the enormity of Hermione and her friends being captured – and they'd been quite a struggle here, he'd felt his shields begin to crumble under the weight of his fear for Hermione. He'd quickened his pace, and all but run from the Manor, apparating back to Hogwarts, and pulling out his pocket watch as soon as he was in the gates.
He'd known that if there had been a chance for torture, Bellatrix would have chosen Hermione. And then he'd begun to understand Hermione's sentiment when she'd declared her desire to kill the woman.
As the hours had gone on, hours without any word from her, Severus had grown more and more afraid, sending more and more messages, in some desperate hope that she'd reply, if not this time, then perhaps the next. But for so long, there had been nothing. He'd paced the castle, his lack of knowledge crushing against his stomach, as his mind conjured horrific scenarios, horrific things that had happened to her, each more terrible than the last. He'd been completely unable to comprehend what could possibly be preventing her from reply, punctual as she usually was. But if she had died, the Dark Lord would have said, wouldn't he?
It was shortly before dawn that he had made his way up to the Astronomy Tower. If Hermione was gone, then it was time for Severus to go too, and falling through the darkness, just as Dumbledore had done, would be a fitting end for someone like him. As he'd stood there, trying to make out the ground below through the darkness, the ringing in his ears louder than ever, he wondered vaguely when the girl who he had once thought of as nothing more than the bushy haired, buck toothed crony of Harry Potter, had become the only thing that kept him going. Because, he'd known, as he'd waited for some news of her fate, that without her, he could not, would not continue.
And then when his pocket watch had finally grown warm, he'd almost dropped it from shock. Even now, after all her many reassurances, his hands were still shaking.
He was cold, he suddenly realised. He'd been out for hours, with no coat or outer cloak on. Hermione would be so angry if she knew. The smallest of smiles touched his thin lips and he conjured the image of her glaring at him, hands on hips, her hair in disarray as she scolded him. He knew he had to see her, just as he'd said to her only moments ago. He had to see her. Less than 10 minutes ago he had been sure that she had left him forever, and now…
He sent her one final message, feeling giddy at his own good fortune, stored his pocket watch safely back in the depths of his robes, and made his way inside.
Two sharp burns from his Mark stopped him in his tracks. The Dark Lord was on his way to Hogwarts.
No rest for the wicked.
Dashing downstairs, he took a quick detour to grab an outer cloak, the glorious image of angry Hermione still fresh in his mind, before he made his way out into the grounds, and towards the gates. It was still very early, there was a chance the Dark Lord would leave before the students awoke. Severus sent a silent prayer out into the universe that the hard lives of the patrons of Hogwarts wouldn't be made any harder today.
He'd barely made it to the gates when the Dark Lord appeared, his pale face still slightly flushed from anger, his red eyes flashing.
Severus rushed to open the gates, and bowed deeply as the Dark Lord passed through.
"Rise Severus." He said, his voice high, and cold. "I have business here this morning."
"Yes my Lord." He replied. "I am at your service."
"Now and forever." Said the Dark Lord, a cruel smile lifting his mouth.
They walked together in silence, up the path, and towards the lake.
*"I shall join you in the castle shortly," he said. "Leave me now."
Severus bowed once more and set off back up the path, his black cloak billowing behind him.*
When he sunk, bone weary into the chair behind the Headmaster's desk, he wondered vaguely what the Dark Lord was up to, but found that he was too exhausted to care much, now his elation at Hermione's wellbeing was beginning to wane. He felt shaky and anxious, but Dumbledore's portrait was silent for once, and that was a small relief.
All too quickly the Dark Lord flew in through the window Severus had left open, his pale, spider-like fingers gripping the frame.
Severus stood, and bowed.
"Is your business here concluded, my Lord?" He asked.
"Yes." Said the Dark Lord, his face worryingly triumphant. "But I will advise you to be cautious Severus, or I will think you are trying to be rid of me."
"Of course not, my Lord." Severus said quickly. "I was merely going to enquire if I could be of any help."
"Hmm. Your work here has been adequate, good even, at times. I require nothing further from you today. But don't ever disappoint me as Bellatrix, and the Malfoy family have disappointed me." He said, narrowing his eyes. "Lower the wards Severus, so I may leave directly from here."
"Yes my Lord." Said Severus.
And then he was gone. The potions master breathed a sigh of relief, scrubbed his hands against his face, and began to prepare himself for the day ahead.
It was after Dobby's funeral, after the talk with Griphook, after Harry's revelations about what might be hidden in the Lestrange's vault, after Mr Ollivander confirmed the existence of the elder wand and after learning from Harry that Voldemort now had it in his possession that Hermione Granger finally looked at the latest message Severus had sent her. The warmth of her mirror against her chest had been such a comfort all through the day, it had kept her strong when she'd wanted to lie down, kept her alert when she'd wanted to rest, and kept her brave when she'd wanted to curl up and cry.
From the light of her wand, lying in bed, listening to Luna's gentle snores, Hermione finally read the message.
'You are everything.'
It was early evening, their second at Shell Cottage, and Hermione was edgy. It wasn't because of the lingering pain in her joints and muscles, nor because of the flashing images of Greyback and Bellatrix that sometimes broke into the forefront of her mind. Severus had said he wanted to see her. But him coming here was … mad … out of the question. Only … only she wanted to see him so much she had to fight tears at the mere thought of going another hour without him. And perhaps … perhaps if he came at night … they could slip into the woods behind the house … and maybe… But it would be dangerous. Irresponsible. And besides, Bill was secret keeper, she couldn't disclose their location anyway.
Then the perfect solution washed into her conscious mind. Dumbledore.
Hermione slipped into the bathroom.
'Severus,' she sent, heart hammering in her chest, 'do you still want … is there any chance … do you think you could come?'
His reply came quicker than she was expecting.
'Yes. I need to see you immediately. Where are you?'
'It can't be immediately.' Hermione smiled despite herself. 'There are still a lot of people here, it'd be dangerous, but I … I really want to see you.'
'I do not care about the danger. I need to see you.'
'Okay. Good. We're staying with Bill and Fleur, the place is secret kept, but it's a cottage, on a cliff, by the sea. Dumbledore will know, won't he?'
'I'm sure he will. I will ask him as soon as I return to the office.'
Hermione frowned.
'Where are you now then?' She sent.
'I'm in a toilet. I was in the Great Hall when I felt your message.'
'So you ran to a toilet?' She sent in disbelief. 'You should have just waited, won't people think it's strange? Severus be careful.'
'I don't care what people think. I thought you might … might be...'
'I'm fine.' Hermione smiled to herself. 'I just miss you. Let me know if Dumbledore can give you the location.'
'I will.'
'Then I can message you when everyone's asleep and I've snuck out. Make sure you're disillusioned though. Just to be safe.'
'Yes Hermione. I'll let you know.'
'Good, thank you. I – I'm sorry, I just … I really, really want to see you.'
'Never apologise for that. Ever.'
'Oh, okay. Thank you. Be safe. Hopefully see you soon.'
Hermione put her mirror away and let herself out of the bathroom, smiling brightly at Luna as she passed the Ravenclaw in the corridor. She felt almost normal.
That night Hermione lay in bed, wide eyed and full of anticipation. Twice she had almost gotten out of bed only to hear the unmistakable noises of someone moving, and she'd slumped back against her pillows. Finally, at a little after 2:30am, she wrapped her coat around herself, slipped on her shoes, and quietly made her way downstairs, and out of the house. Not wanting to venture too far away in case Severus couldn't see her when he appeared, she sent her message from just outside the garden, overlooking the sea, listening to the never ceasing ebb and flow of the water, far below. It would be easy enough to tell anyone who might see her that she simply wanted some fresh air, it would be perfectly understandable given how crowded the little cottage was, and how much they'd been through. Hermione sighed, the three of them were still so young, and yet at times like these, Hermione felt like an old lady, tired and worn from the events of her life.
The sharp crack of apparition disturbed her thoughts, and though she knew Severus would be disillusioned, not being able to see him at once made her heart hammer in her chest, and a ripple of unease wash over her. She walked forwards a few paces, her eyes straining to notice any shimmer, any disturbance in her surroundings that would allude to his whereabouts.
A cold hand encircled her own and she jumped, alarmed for a moment, before she recognised the familiar callouses and scars that could only be Severus'. She closed her eyes, willing herself not to react, not to throw herself at him, just in case there was someone watching, who could somehow see what was happening through the darkness.
"Hi." She whispered breathlessly.
The hand squeezed hers and began to lead her away from the clifftop cottage, and towards the woods beyond. They walked through the trees in silence for several minutes, before they stopped, and Hermione let go of Severus' hand.
"Protago Totalum, Salvio Hexia, Repello Muggletum, Cave Inimicum, Muffliato." She finished her spells then turned around, and Severus was standing before her. He was dressed in all black, naturally, his dark hair a little shorter than the last time she'd seen him, but still longer than it had ever been when she'd been at Hogwarts. It didn't look particularly greasy, which was surely a good sign, but his cheeks were still sunken and sallow, his eyes dark and tired, his brow creased. It wasn't even that long since she'd last seen him, but he was just so damn beautiful.
He walked towards her, his teaching robes billowing out behind him, and it was a sight that was so familiar, so dramatic, so comical and yet so impressive that it almost made her weep. He took her face in both of his hands.
"Tell me everything that happened." He said, his voice silky, yet anxious. "From the beginning."
And Hermione did just that. Or at least, she meant to, but as she opened her mouth, all the memories of the day before came rushing into her mind, all the fear, all the pain, everything. And instead, she let out a tortured sob, and instantly tried to cover her mouth, and turn away from him, but his arms came around her, forcing her into his embrace, and she had no choice but to surrender herself to her pain and her grief.
As she cried, Severus held onto her, his arms tight, his head bowed, his cheek resting on her head, and if she'd been able to see the agony etched onto his face, she would have cried even harder.
When her sobs began to calm, her breathing began to even out, and even her hiccups began to fade, Severus started to stroke her hair, his fingers soothing, the gesture moving her.
"Tell me." He said again, and this time, she managed to do as she was asked. It was easier to speak of everything from the comfort of his arms. Severus said nothing as she spoke, he didn't interrupt once, not even when she talked of Greyback, or Bellatrix and what the witch had done to her, and for that, she was grateful. She'd considered glossing over the truth, but if their positions had been reversed, she wouldn't have wanted him to leave anything out, she wouldn't have let him, so this was only fair.
"Dobby died saving us." She said eventually. "We never would have made it out of there without him. And to the whole world, he was nothing but a house elf."
Hermione wasn't sure why this point was so important, but it was, and she was glad when Severus didn't dismiss it.
"One of the many great injustices of this world." He said quietly, then he tipped her head upwards, forcing her to look at him, and began wiping away tear tracks with his thumb. "As is all you have had to go through Hermione. Of all the people, all the billions of people in this world, it should never have been you."
She felt her eyes well up with fresh tears.
"Do you mind if we talk about something else for a while?" She asked.
"Of course not." He responded. "There is in fact, something I need to talk to you about."
"Okay." Hermione drew herself out of his embrace so she could look at him easier. "What is it?"
"I … I have been such a fool." Severus was stood with his shoulders hunched, his eyes averted. "When I knew something had happened, but I didn't know what … I went out of my mind Hermione. I was … terrified. And it made me realise what a … colossal idiot I have been. I am the biggest dunderhead of them all, I-"
"Severus what are you trying to say?"
He blinked at her, then a smile began to lift the corners of this thin mouth. He grabbed her wrist with his hand, and tugged it towards himself, pulling her closer, and placing her hand on his chest, over his heart. The forbidden zone.
"I love you." He said, and she was still reeling from what he'd done so much that it took her a few seconds to register what he'd said. "I have loved you since you came hurtling down that god forsaken corridor at Grimmauld Place and nearly knocked me over. You have believed in me more than anyone else ever has. I love you, Hermione Jean Granger, and I hope you can forgive me for not telling you sooner."
For a moment, Hermione thought her heart might explode, that was how fast it was beating, and if it had done, it would have been from happiness, from pure joy.
"I love you too Severus." She said breathlessly. "But you don't need my forgiveness, you told me you loved me in many other ways. I already knew."
He smiled at her then, and it was his sweet, shy smile that she so cherished.
"Thank you for saying the words though, it still means a lot. As does this." She tore her eyes away from his face to look at her hand, still placed on his heart. She could feel it hammering in his chest and it made her irrationally nervous. She began to remove it, but he caught her wrist again and held her in place.
"Not yet."
Hermione glanced up at his face, then nodded, and flexed her fingers slightly against the fabric. Severus took the hint and let go of her. Slowly, so that he had plenty of time to see her intention, and stop her if he wanted to, she brought her other hand up, to rest against him, so both of her hands were over his heart. She noticed a slight increase in his breathing, but otherwise, he remained the same.
More tears sprung unexpectedly into her eyes, and she tried to blink them away.
"Hermione, what is it?" Severus' voice was so gentle. How did no one else know how gentle the man could be?
"What … what am I supposed to do if this heart stops?" She asked, desperate to explain something she could barely understand herself. "I just c-couldn't stand it."
She looked up into his face as tears began to fall from her eyes. He was watching her intently, his brow furrowed and his eyes worried. And Hermione realised that his death was the one thing that she could never hope to recover from. Her hands turned to fists as she grasped the front of his robes.
"Promise me!" She said suddenly. "Promise me that you won't die. Promise me that you'll survive this war. I need you to promise me!"
"Hermione…" Severus' hands slowly covered her own. "I don't ever, ever want to break a promise to you."
And then she remembered the serious look he had given her before he had promised to be careful after Malfoy had been attacked, and how solemn he had been when she'd made him promise to wait for her when she'd fetched food at Grimmauld place, and again when he'd promised to play his part convincingly when Harry was being moved from Privet Drive, and now she understood why. Severus had treated all those occasions like he was making an Unbreakable Vow, because he never wanted to break his word, or betray her.
She tightened her grip on his robes and gave him a slight shake.
"Then don't break it!" She said fiercely. "Don't you dare break it."
For a moment that seemed to somehow stretch endlessly, he just looked at her.
"Very well." He said finally.
And then he kissed her. And it was so perfect, and so caring and gentle and sweet – all of which was not something anyone would readily associate with Severus – that tears threatened again, and although she kept her hands in place, still relishing in her knew allowance, Severus' hands were in her hair, down her back, stroking her face, and she just couldn't believe how much she loved him.
"Promise me the same." He said suddenly. "Hermione … please promise me."
There was something so fragile, so desperate in his eyes then, that she was powerless to do anything but agree, and throw her arms around his neck as he pulled her into a crushing embrace once more.
It was a few hours after they had first reunited, and they were laying on the grassy floor, looking up at the starry sky through the trees. Severus had cast the warming and cushioning charms, and as much as Hermione would never admit it, they were rather more effective than hers. She was curled up to his side, while he lay on his back, one of her legs thrown over his, her head resting on his chest, tucked under his chin, while one hand rested once again on his heart, covered by his own.
"Are you still in pain?" He asked her.
"Not much," she answered, "just a lingering sort of ache, in my joints and muscles."
"That will fade soon." He said softly. "Is there anything, anything at all that I can … can do to-"
"I'll be fine, really I will Severus. It … it's the dreams, the flashbacks more than … anything else."
"I know it seems hard to believe now, but they will fade too. In time."
She could feel his voice rumbling beneath her.
"Severus, when we were at Malfoy Manor, Bellatrix tried to use Legilimency on me, and it … it didn't work. I don't understand why."
"Bellatrix isn't a particularly accomplished Legilimens." Severus paused. "But accessing a completely unprotected mind shouldn't have been difficult, even for an amateur. What … happened exactly?"
"I … I felt a push into a mind, it felt almost physical actually, and I suddenly realised that if she looked through my memories…" Here Hermione paused, feeling suddenly shy. "She'd be able to find you. And I … I didn't want to … be the reason you were discovered. Then everything just sort of … slammed shut. Again, it was almost physical."
From her position, Hermione felt Severus' heart rate accelerate.
"Severus, what is it?"
"Dumbledore would have a field day." He muttered, sighing to himself. "Your … your love … for me, it … it acted as a barrier. It's a type of rudimentary, instinctive Occlumency. But had Bellatrix tried again, or had the Dark Lord attempted to break through-"
"It wouldn't have held." Hermione finished. "I could, sort of sense that it was weak. Severus … if I'm ever in a situation like that again, or in something worse… What should I do? I don't want to ever betray you, but like you say, I wouldn't stand much of a chance."
"It would be very unlikely that you would survive something worse." Said Severus, his voice oddly choked.
"I know." Said Hermione softly. "But I would still want to keep you, keep our secret, safe."
"It wouldn't matter." Severus said.
"What do you mean? Of course it would matter!"
"It wouldn't." He said again. "Because you would be unlikely to survive. So what happened to me afterwards would not matter… I've told you Hermione, you are … everything."
"Oh." Said Hermione, and her mind began to replay what had happened at Malfoy Manor, only this time with no escape, no hope, and what that would mean for Severus was so painful that she forced her mind back to the present, and she shifted herself even closer to him.
"Well we've promised anyway." She said, her voice forcibly bright. "So it's irrelevant."
"Hermione … I wish … I wish there was something I could … could do. All those times you helped me, and now I-"
"You are helping." She told him firmly. "You're helping more than you know Severus."
The arm around her back tightened momentarily, and Hermione smiled to herself, despite everything, before slowly slipping into a surprisingly restful sleep.
He woke her at dawn by kissing her face, she could feel stubble on his skin and she was smiling before she even opened her eyes. Saying goodbye was sad, just as it always was, but Hermione was sure that she and the boys would be staying at Shell Cottage for at least a few weeks, and really, it would silly not to see Severus at least a couple more times before they left.
Hermione slipped back into her little bed, and grinned to herself as she watched the sun rise higher into the sky.
*Text in between asterisks* from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J. K Rowling.
Retwin - Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed the last chapter and I hope you like this one. Sorry it's been so long. x
New - I will finish it I promise, I just can't quite say when. RL is very demanding!
wickedlysweetsilence - I updated! Hope life is a bit less stressful, thank you for reviewing!
If I've missed anyone else who reviewed without a logged in account I'm really sorry!
Andie x