Friday Morning

"Ahhhhhhh!" I groaned long and low, dropping my head onto my crossed arms. "I'm so boooored!"

I was currently alone in the office, and I had not an iota of work to do. I had caught up on everything by Wednesday, and since Carlisle and I are still on the outs, he had yet to assign me anything new. I rolled my head back and forth over my arms in aggravation. How could he not have any work for me? He's been seeing patients every day!

I groaned again. Why do you continue to ask yourself this question? You already know the damn answer! And you've yet to do a damn thing about it! I thought back to every time I attempted to apologize, each ending in me either abruptly exiting the office or shutting my mouth and burying myself in my work. I flung myself back in my chair and slapped my palms over my eyes.

"Why am I such an idiot?!"

My exclamation seemed to reverb off of the wall to pelt me from all sides, mocking. I bounced my knee rapidly, getting antsier by the minute.

"Fuck this."

I rocketed up from my seat, grabbed my bag, and left.\

Feeling revitalized with a fresh chai in my hands, I silently gave myself a pep talk as I exited the elevator. You got this. You're gonna walk in there, look him in the eye, and deliver the best damn apology he'll ever have the pleasure of receiving! I paused in my tracks. Wait, are people pleased to get apologies? Doesn't that mean they've been wronged in some way? I shook my head and continued walking. Ah, focus, focus!

Reaching my office I took one final, encouraging sip. I put my key in the door and froze. Something's off. The room beyond the frosted glass was dark, and I didn't recall turning off the lights before I left. I double checked the time on my watch. There's no way he would have left already; it's only midday. And even if he did, he knew I was still here, so why..?

I turned the key slowly and cracked the door open, taking a peek. Nothing seemed awry. My desk looked exactly how I left it, and, even though I could only see half of his desk, it didn't seem as though Carlisle's desk had been touched either. Breathing a sigh of relief I pushed the door open all the way and almost dropped my drink in the process.

There, leaning back in his chair with his feet resting on top of his desk and arms folded behind his head, was Carlisle. The soft, gray light of the overcast day filtering in through the blinds bounced off his white lab coat and pale face, surrounding him in a muted halo. He looked almost ethereal.

My grasp slipped on my drink once more, bringing me back to myself. I quietly shut the door behind me, not bothering to turn the light back on. As silently as I could I placed my bag next to my desk and lowered myself into my chair. I took another sip of my chai before depositing it next to its empty counterpart on my desk. Unable to help myself I glanced back over to the resting doctor. He had never looked more at peace and yet, it felt as though my heart was trying to crawl up my throat. Or, perhaps, that was exactly the reason I felt as such. It was already proven that he couldn't be himself around me so seeing him so unreserved just brought home even harder how tense he'd been.

I squeezed my eyes against the tears that were starting to form. No sense crying about it now. Just apologize as soon as he wakes up and relieve you both of this burden already. I focused my attention back to the screen in front of me. Squinting, I watched as the cursor shook on the screen. With a gasp I released my grip on the mouse as I realized my hands were violently shaking. I pulled my fingers into my palms until they stung and shot my gaze over to the window.

The gloomy clouds drifted by lazily, small sun rays peeking through every now and again. The normalcy of the day helped to calm me down, and I took a couple of deep, steadying breaths. Suddenly, the clouds broke and the room became awashed with sunlight. A twinkle caught the corner of my eye. I turned to see what it possibly could have been and inhaled sharply.

Carlisle was... shining. No, that wasn't the right way to explain it. He looked as though he was being lit from the inside, warm light oozing out of each of his pores. He was glowing. Unbeknownst to me my feet shuffled me ever closer to him, and I could now see as his long eyelashes danced along his cheekbones with each shift of his closed eyes. He appeared so warm and soft to the touch, I just couldn't help myself as I reached out to brush his cheek.

"So beautiful..."

A firm hand grasped my wrist before I could make contact. His fluttering eyelids shot open, pinning me to the spot with a black gaze. My heart tripped over itself, and my feet did the same as I tried to stumble back. The steel grip kept me in place.

"S-sorry, I—"

"You're bleeding."

"Huh?"

"Your palm. It's bleeding."

He turned my hand over to show my palm which had small, crescent-shaped indents. Little beads of blood trickled out of them.

"Oh. Oh." My eyes widened, and I tried to step back again. "OH. I'm so sorry! Let me just—"

I blinked, and he was standing in front of me, holding my palm up in inspection.

"The other one."

I just stared, dumbfounded.

He looked at me with a cutting, black gaze, but his voice was soft as he said, "Your other palm. Can you show it to me?"

I wordlessly presented my hand, palm up. It looked to be in a similar state. His cool fingertips brushed over the angry, red spots almost reverently. I found myself being spun around and gently pushed into his chair. Within a heartbeat he was kneeling in front of me, the medical supplies we keep across the office now in his hands. He placed the items on his desk before soaking a cotton pad in peroxide and taking one of my hands.

"Dr. Cullen, really, this isn't necessary."

He paused in his movements, the pad centimeters from my wound. "Miss Swan, we need to address your injuries."

"Yeah, but I can just run my hands under some cold water and slap on a couple of bandages. Good as new!"

Giving me a curious look, he lowered the cotton pad. I instinctively flinched away.

"Miss Swan," he drawled, a teasing tone to his voice, "You aren't afraid of a little hydrogen peroxide, are you?"

"No! I just... don't like the sting, is all."

He gave me a small smile and tightened his grip just a bit, ghosting his touch over my pulse point. "I'll try to make it as painless as possible."

I bit my lip and nodded. When the cotton pad hit my palm. I squeezed my eyes closed and turned my head, ten sing at the pain. A cool breeze across my hand had me looking back over in time to see Carlisle send another cooling breath over my wound. My heart clenched. I sat in silence as he finished dressing my wound and repeated the process on my other hand before looking up at me with his signature warm smile.

"All done."

I looked at my newly bandaged hands, flipping them back and forth. Thank you.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. I slapped my hands over my mouth, shocked.

"It's quite alright. I am delighted to have been able to help."

"No, I mean for whatever I did that day to make you so uncomfortable...I'm sorry." Though it hadn't originally been what I intended to say, I took it as the perfect opportunity to finally address the giant elephant in the room.

He was standing now, looking down at me in shock. He seemed to be at a loss for words. But as I stood and pushed past him towards my desk, I found that I could not seem to shut up.

"Look, I know what I said was completely out of line, and I totally understand if you're just absolutely repulsed by me—I'll even help Chad find you a new transcriptionist—but I can't take this anymore. I am so so so sorry, okay? So, until we find my replacement, can we at least pretend to be civil to one another?"

I rounded on him, tears flowing down my cheeks. I made no move to wipe them. He hadn't moved from where I left him, his broad back facing me. He spoke quietly.

"What?"

He turned then, and I could see the barely contained anger plastered on his face. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides. Oh fuck, I think I made it worse.

"Or we can go back to ignoring each other. That's cool—"

"I said, I'm not repulsed by you."

"Then why do you act like I don't exist?"

"I'm married."

That threw me for a loop. I honestly didn't know what to make of his statement or how it fit into the conversation. I must have had the physical embodiment of '?' written all over my face because he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'm not doing a very good job of explaining myself, am I?"

I slowly shook my head.

"This is exactly what I was afraid of." He fell back into his chair, and I lowered myself into mine. "Here's the main thing you need to know: everything that's transpired between us? It's not your fault."

"Oh kay..?"

He laughed humorlessly, tossing his head back to look at the ceiling. "Get it together, Carlisle. Over 300 years old and you're floundering like you did as a youth."

He brought his attention back to me. "I'm married."

"Yes, I haven't forgotten since we last established that."

"No, but you seem to have forgotten that you weren't the first one to make a move."

My mind raced as I desperately tried to recall what he was talking about. It wasn't hard; we hadn't had the chance to have many conversations, and I must have replayed the ones we did have about a thousand times. I automatically landed on the one that had been plaguing me these last couple of days. I was always too mortified to remember what was actually said, just that I must have said something stupid. Really thinking about it now, though...

"Oh my god!" His eyes pinched closed. "So this whole time you've been..."

All this time I thought he couldn't stand to be around me because he was angry with me. But, really, he had just been furious at himself.

I laughed loudly. His eyes popped back open.

"Dr. Cullen, I don't care that you're married! I mean, I care that you're married, but a little flirt isn't going to make me think you're head over heels for me. Besides, I think the fact that you practically annexed yourself from me is enough testament as to how much love you have for your wife."

He offered me a small smile, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together.

"Thank you for that, but I'm afraid it's not quite that simple."

I tilted my head in question.

"There's something about you that draws me in. Has me doing and saying things I wouldn't normally do or say. It makes me open up to you in ways I never wanted to before. I mean, I told you I was a vampire for crying out loud!"

That sobered me up right quick. "To be fair, I did catch you in the act."

He sent me a glare, causing me to hold my hands up in a placating manner.

"Maybe we really should get you a replacement."

"No, I couldn't do that to you. Plus, it wouldn't be as easy to explain to a new transcriptionist that I have no work for them because, as a vampire, I have a perfect memory."

"You couldn't even explain it to me! You're telling me I'm going to have nothing to do forever?!"

I lit up as he laughed. He had been looking far too serious. However, his laughter quickly subsided and he leveled me with another striking gaze.

"What is it about you, Miss Swan? It's like you make me feel as though I'm human again."

He wasn't looking for an answer. And I wasn't looking to answer him. But now that we were talking, there was no way I was going to let us fall into an awkward silence.

"I can see that. When was the last time you ate?"

I giggled at his flabbergasted look.

"Come on, Dr. Cullen. Everyone and their mothers know that black eyes are the sign of a hungry vamp."

"You noticed that?"

"Yeah, I—" look at your eyes all the time. I coughed. "I noticed."

"I suppose it has been a little while."

I bit my lip as I noticed the crease that was beginning to form between his brows. Desperate to not revert to how we'd been, I hopped up from my seat and marched my way over to him. I held my hand out in front of his face, wiggling my fingertips.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Briar Swan!"

He slowly lifted his head, an eyebrow raised in confusion. "What are you doing?"

With a huff, I rolled my eyes and stomped my foot, shaking my outstretched hand twice. "I'm attempting a redo."

"A redo?"

"Yes! We can't keep going on with all of this bad juju hanging above us. The only logical conclusion is for us to have a redo. Wipe the slate clean, so to speak. So?"

I wiggled my fingers once more. He chortled and shook his head, but clasped his hand in mine.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Swan. I'm Doctor Carlisle Cullen."

I smiled brilliantly at him, ecstatic that we were able to start over. A beat passed before I leaned over and stage whispered,

"So, do I or do I not know you're a vampire this time?"

"I think I can trust you to continue keeping my secret."

"That, my friend, is where you're dead wrong," I expertly punned with a wink.

He laughed loudly, eyes crinkling in a way that had my stomach doing flips.

Yeah, I'm screwed.