Hope you enjoy this chapter. any criticism welcome.

The muffled sound of people talking made Sonny's stomach twist and turn. He was sat in the waiting room outside the doctors office with Matt and Kelly ,they had been there ever since Sonny's first appointment with Dr Charles ended nearly twenty minutes ago. The waiting room was virtually empty as they'd intentionally chosen the quietest time of the day but there were still too many people for Sonny's liking. As a few more people entered the room Sonny pressed his hands tightly against his ears, but a few seconds later his hands were being gently eased away by Kelly who was watching with concern. Next the firefighter carefully lifted the hood of Sonny's jumper over his head but it offered the blonde very little comfort.

"I'm sure Kidd will be here soon" soothed Kelly. Earlier when the blonde turned a pale green Kelly swiftly called Stella and politely asked her to come and take the distressed teen home. Matt had suggested Kelly take Sonny home but the man refused to leave Matt on his own.

As he stared at his now shaking hands Sonny wished he could be stronger for Kelly and Matt, he didn't want them worrying about him especially now Matt was fearing for his own health. But Sonny's heart was thumping violently and a million questions were racing around his head. For the duration of his session with Dr Charles he spoke mostly about random stuff in an attempt to avoid the subject of Ryder or how he was really coping, it had worked for the most part but one of the psychiatrist questions stopped Sonny in his tracks. Had he ever been on holiday? It was a simple question but it got Sonny thinking. The thing was he didn't know the answer, he definitely never went on holiday with Ryder but he had no clue about the time before he went missing. He had fragments of memories but the truth was there was a lot of things he didn't know about himself or his life before Ryder. For starters he didn't fully understand Matt and Hallie's relationship, he knew at the time of his abduction they lived in separate houses but he didn't know if there was ever a time when they all lived together or even if they were ever married. The other thing that was still a mystery to the teen was Kelly, Sonny cared a lot about the firefighter but he wasn't entirely sure how Kelly fitted into his life. He thought of him the same way he thought of Matt but it scared Sonny that there was nothing stopping Kelly from walking out on them and never returning.

Kelly stared emptily at the morbid posters lining the opposite wall. He was terrified of what they might find out during Matt's appointment but he was doing his best to contain his worry; he didn't want to risk upsetting Sonny or Matt. All of the sudden he felt a warm body leaning heavily against him, instinctively Kelly wrapped an arm around the teen and allowed him to rest his head on his shoulder. The sound of Sonny's steady breathing helped drown out the thoughts inside his head.

A few minutes later Kelly spotted Kidd walking down the long hallway that led to the waiting room.

"Stella's here now kiddo" informed Kelly as he gently shook the tired teen, reluctantly Sonny moved himself out of Kelly's comforting arms and stood to his feet. He smiled briefly at Kidd who was now standing in the door way of the waiting room, then he turned his attention to Matt who was wearing a tight smile. Both Matt and Kelly told him that Matt's doctors visit was nothing to worry about but he could feel the worry radiating off the two men. Also he had noticed the pinched expression Matt wore occasionally, it was the same expression Ryder had whenever he got badly injured but attempted to hide it.

"We'll be home soon Sonny" promised Kelly when Sonny made no movement towards the door. Sonny's eyes remained on Matt, he could see the fear in the man's eyes. Before Matt knew what was happening Sonny flung his arms around Matt,

"Good luck" he whispered in the man's ear before pulling away and heading towards Kidd. Matt was grinning from ear to ear as he watched Sonny disappear but his happiness quickly dissolved when he remembered where he was.

"Kelly I don't want him going through anymore pain", Matt's soft tone was full of sadness and Kelly immediately reached out and grabbed his hand.

"I know Matt but it's going to be ok" insisted Kelly as he swallowed the lump in his throat, he wasn't sure he believed his own words anymore, some days it felt like the entire world was against them ever being happy.

"You don't know that Sev" Matt replied but his voice wasn't angry or bitter, if anything he sounded tired, it was as if he'd already given up.

"Matt regardless of what the doctor says I'm going to be with you every step of the way and Sonny's a strong kid, he takes after you Matt" Kelly stated firmly, he was doing everything in his power to stop Matt from loosing all hope.

"He doesn't deserve to loose another parent",

"He's not going to!" Shouted Kelly, the image Matts words conjured up made Kelly sick to his stomach.

"I shouldn't have left , maybe if I stayed and went to the stupid dr appointments back then I'd be ok now" muttered Matt as regret flared up inside of him.

"Don't think like that Matt" snapped Kelly but the blonde wasn't listening anymore he was looking off into the distance, it was like Matt was talking to someone Kelly couldn't see.

"Gosh I was so stupid, I really messed up",

"Matt no one blames you for how you acted" assured Kelly. Abruptly Matt turned towards Kelly, as they locked eyes Kelly could see the tears glistening in Matt's eyes.

"Why'd you stay Kelly?" Croaked Matt.

"You know why Matt",

"I pushed you away when Sonny went missing, when Andy died, when my brain got scrambled, why-" Matt's question broke off as he let out a heartbreaking sob.

"Why didn't you move on?". Kelly placed his hands on Casey's shoulders as looked directly into the blonde's tortured blue eyes, he stared pleadingly at Matt as if he was willing the blonde to read his thoughts.

"Because I love you Matt"

"Why?" Cried Matt as he dissolved into tears. Kelly pulled the blonde towards him and gently began rocking them back and forth.

"Oh Matt"

For as long as Kelly had known him Matt had always doubted himself, he never could understand what everyone else saw in him. Sadly Kelly knew he contributed to the blonde's self doubt over the years. He remembered how guarded Casey had been when they met at the academy, back when he was an eager kid with something to prove but Matt was just a lanky misfit who wanted to do something good with his life. Despite their differences Kelly quickly found himself feeling a deep connection with the blonde. Together him and Andy took the blonde under their wing.

After discovering what a dreadful place Matt lived in Kelly and Andy persuaded the blonde to move in with them. Which was why they remained incredibly close even after being placed in different houses after graduation. Slowly over time Kelly began to realise he'd fallen for Matt. This development only fuelled the war that had been consuming his mind for far too long. Kelly's battle with his sexuality had always been messy and confusing; matters were only complicated by his fear of how Benny would react. Therefore Kelly buried his feelings and continued going out with woman after woman. As for Matt he had his own demons to battle. A long time went by and both Matt and Kelly continued to ignore their feelings, it wasn't until towards the end of their candidacies that one of them decided things had to change.

One day Matt had received a terrifying call from a frantic Andy. While rescuing a young boy from a fire the staircase Kelly had been halfway down collapsed from underneath him sending him tumbling to the floor. The boy had been left unscathed but Kelly had been knocked unconscious during his fall. Thankfully after a night in the hospital it was deemed that Kelly was going to be ok. However the incident had been enough to scare Matt into taking action. They were barely inside their modest apartment when the truth came tumbling out of Matt's mouth. The blonde poured out his soul to Kelly and told him exactly how he felt. Shocked by Matt's admission Kelly had panicked and foolishly walked away without saying a word. Kelly would forever regret leaving Matt like that and he vowed never to walk out on the blonde again. The only reason Matt didn't move out was because Andy begged him to stay. When Kelly turned his back on him Matt had felt humiliated and heart broken. For a long time Casey never mentioned what happened that night he carried on as if he'd never declared his undying love for Kelly. The months that followed were agonisingly lonely and awkward for both of the firefighters. Then something changed, Matt met a charming med student, Hallie. Quickly she became Matt's way of pretending that his heart wasn't broken.

After Andy moved in with Heather things only seemed to become more complicated, as Kelly found himself falling deeper in love with Matt every day. And every time he saw Hallie he felt like someone ripped out his heart. Kellys only glimmer of hope was that Hallie's and Matt's relationship was far from stable, Kelly lost count of how many times the couple split up in the space of three years. But then one night Matt told him something that shattered his world, Hallie was pregnant. His memory of the rest of that night was extremely foggy, the only thing he remembered was standing on Andy's doorstep sobbing his heart out.

Not long after that Matt moved in with Hallie as he was determined to give his baby a proper family. Despite Matt's excitement at becoming a father Kelly noticed the blonde becoming more and more reserved, the usual light in his eyes was missing and he always wore a tired smile. He was far from the Matt Kelly loved so much, he was almost a ghost former self and it turned out Hallie had noticed to. One month before Sonny was born Hallie moved in with her parents for extra support and Matt returned to Kelly's, against all the odds it seemed like Kelly had a second chance but he wasn't sure he deserved it.

During the first year of Sonny's life Matt and Kelly's bond only became stronger but the two still never addressed their situation. Matt's fear of rejection kept him from asking Kelly questions even though he was desperate to know how Kelly viewed him, he'd spend nights lying awake wondering if Kelly saw him as as a brother or something more. Where as Kelly was terrified of how the rest of the world would view them, would Hallie be mad and split them apart, would his father disown him ? Anybody could see the two firefighters were in love but they were both paralysed by fear.

But soon Kelly's heart began to ache with a deep longing, he wanted more than lingering touches, he wanted to kiss Matt and hold him close. He wanted more than Matt falling asleep on him while watching a movie, he wanted to wake up next to the blonde every morning. He didn't want the only time they hugged to be after one of them had a close call. He didn't want to have to contain his love for Casey anymore.

On one of the nights Sonny was with Hallie, Kelly did something he should've done years earlier. For ten wonderful minutes Kelly had been watching Matt happily cooking dinner, he loved the way the blonde hummed softly as he drifted in and out of his own little world. The blonde always seemed happiest when he was focused on a task, whether it be cooking, manual labour or chasing Sonny playfully around the flat. Kelly's thoughts were interrupted when suddenly Matt's shoulders tensed and he broke the comfortable silence that had fallen over them.

"I don't mind you bringing people back to the flat when Sonny's not here" the blonde stated in a steady voice, despite Matt forcing a small smile Kelly could still see the sadness lingering in his blue eyes. Severide frowned as he stared in disbelief at the blonde, of course Matt would want him to be happy even if it brought him distress.

"Matt I don't want to bring anyone back" sighed Kelly.

"Oh, is everything alright Kelly?" Matt Asked with concern etched across his face, he could tell instantly something was bugging Kelly, he always could read Kelly better than anyone else.

"Matt I-I made a mistake"

"What do you-" before Matt could finish his question Kelly moved towards him in one swift stride and pressed his lips against Matt 's. All of Matt's fears and worries melted away as he instinctively leant into the gesture. Casey let our a whine when he felt Kelly's lips part away from his.

"I'm sorry Matt, I should've told you- "

"Shut up" smiled Matt as he pulled Kelly back into another passionate kiss. For both of the firefighters nothing had ever felt so right before, as they held each other tightly they knew in their hearts they belonged together.

That night Kelly had felt ecstatic for once in his life everything was perfect. The three years that followed were the best of Kelly's life, the firefighter's heart was constantly bursting with love and joy, he felt like the luckiest man in the world. Then Sonny went missing. Kelly would never forget that night or when he came home two months later to find all Matt's stuff gone. The blonde only left a small note containing five heartbreaking words "I can't love you anymore". However Kelly never gave up, when Matt returned to fifty one a few weeks later he kept a close eye on the blonde and did everything he could to stop the man from slipping away. Refraining from treating Matt as more than a friend felt virtually impossible most days but somehow he found a way. After all Kelly was the only person Matt didn't push away, he even avoided Andy as Ben and Griffin were a painful reminder of what he had lost.

Then once again tragedy struck. The death of his childhood best friend caused something inside of Kelly to snap. After Andy's funeral with one sentence Kelly destroyed his and Matt's already fragile relationship,

"You sent Andy through that window just like you let Sonny go home with Hallie". After that Matt froze him out completely and Kelly stopped trying to break through Matts walls. But when Matt suffered his traumatic brain injury his ability to shut himself off from the world was temporarily shattered, all the emotions and feelings the blonde had been suppressing came rushing out leading to one horrendous night. Kelly had known Matt was in pain but it wasn't until that night he realised that Matt had truly reached rock bottom. After seeing Casey in such a bad way Kelly vowed never to let the blonde hide away from him again, which was why even when Matt left Chicago Kelly kept in contact. He called the blonde once a week and visited as often as he could because he wasn't going to let Matt spend the rest of his life alone.

After all the pain they endured the most surprising thing to happen to them was being reunited with Sonny. He loved having the young teen back in his life but Kelly still wasn't completely happy.

Once again Kelly found himself longing for something more with Matt. He thought he would be happy with just living with Matt but everyday it was getting harder to deny his feelings. He didn't want to just be Matt's friend.

"Matthew Casey" a voice pierced through the waiting room, the blonde swiped at his eyes before Kelly helped him up to a standing position. As they walked towards the doctor Matt grabbed tightly onto Kelly's hand. The dark haired firefighter gave Matt's hand a gentle squeeze as he whispered in the blonde's ear,

"You're not alone Matt, you never will be again".

Hope you enjoyed this chapter