Hi, hope you enjoy this chapter.
The world outside the car window was blurry, Matt tried desperately to focus on the buildings as they passed by but he could only make out vague shapes. His heart was in his throat and their was a high pitch ringing in his ears. He felt like he was drowning. As the muffled sound of the car radio reached his ears Matt felt his heart rate begin to slow. After what felt like an eternity his eyes began to focus and the world around him became clear. Despite regaining his awareness of his surroundings his head was still aching from all the thoughts crammed inside his head. He pressed his head up against cool the window as he attempted to make sense of what the doctor had told them.
"Everything alright Matt?" Kelly asked softly,
"I don't know" sighed the blonde and immediately Kelly nodded his head. Both men had been plunged into a confusing state of relief and fear by the results of Matt's appointment. Fortunately the doctor had found no evidence of a bleed or any further damage, in fact the doctor believed it was likely that Matt would live a long healthy life as long as he didn't sustain any more hits to his head. They could prescribe Matt painkillers to help him manage the pain but the headaches weren't a symptom of anything life threatening, however there was nothing that could be done to help with Matt's memory problems; there was even a small chance the problem could become more severe over the years.
"Let's get away" suggested Kelly all of the sudden, his cheerful tone was a stark contrast to the gloomy atmosphere that had been filling the cars moments ago.
"What?" Matt gasped as he stared at Kelly in bewilderment. But Kelly ignored the other man's puzzled expression and continued with the same level of enthusiasm.
"We can go to my dads cabin just the three of us", Kelly thought it would be good for Sonny to be able to go out for a long walk in the fresh air without worrying about crowds. The young blonde was improving every day but Kelly believed it would be nice for Sonny to go somewhere that didn't make his whole body shake with fear.
"I don't know Kel". But Kelly didn't let Matt's reluctance deter him, he'd been expecting the blonde to resist at first; he knew that Matt had never been one for spontaneity as he preferred to plan everything meticulously.
"Why not Matt, give me one good reason?"
"What about Sonny?he might panic about going somewhere unfamiliar".
"Then we'll ask him about it first, but he used to travel around all the time, Plus I think he would benefit from a change of scenery".
"Kelly" whined Matt. But Kelly swore he could hear a hint of amusement in the blonde's tone.
"Come on Case, it'll be fun".
"I-" began Matt but no matter how hard he thought he couldn't think of a valid reason not to go, Kelly was right it would be lovely to take a trip to the cabin.
"You know what you're right, let's get away" Said Matt surprising himself, Kelly let out a cheer of victory as he beamed brightly at Matt.
"So I'll drop you off at home, then you and Sonny can pack while I get some necessities from the store" informed Kelly causing Matt to gape.
"Hang on Kelly, when are you planning to go?" Questioned Matt his voice full of surprise once again.
"Tonight",
"Tonight" repeated Matt incredulously.
"why not?" reasponded Kelly; Matt shook his head, he'd never meant someone as impulsive as Kelly but he to admit the man's unpredictable behaviour often led to wonderful moments.
"Alright then, as long as Sonny's ok with it"agreed Matt trying to hide his excitement, there was a time not so long ago when he believed the three of them would never spend time at the cabin again.
The first time they went to the cabin was nearly a month after the two gave into their feelings for each other. The cabin quickly became their favourite place to escape, it was the one place they could express their affection for each other without fear. Kelly could still remember the happiness that fluttered through him when he realised he could hold Matt's hand without fear of being judged. Back in Chicago Kelly was always afraid of being seen by one of his fathers friends, he never wanted Benny to find out for fear of losing him. Because if forced to pick between Benny and the love of his life, Kelly would pick Matt without hesitation every single time. But Kelly wasn't the only one insisting they kept their relationship secret. Matt was always private when it came to his sexuality as a result of his parents cruel outdated beliefs. But when they were at the cabin they could be the couple they wanted to be, which was why they used to spend a large chunk of their time up there. Before Sonny's disappearance they visited the cabin on most weekends between shifts and whenever they had furlough together, sometimes the went with Sonny and sometimes they went on their own, but time spent there was always perfect. The cabin was their little piece of heaven on earth.
As far as Benny was aware Kelly was just taking a friend up there, which wasn't entirely a lie. In fact his father didn't even know Sonny and Matt were living with him again, come to think of it Matt hadn't even told his own mother yet. But Kelly doubted Matt had any plans of changing that. Casey had once remarked that Sonny didn't need Nancy; he had Cindy Hermann and she was more than enough. They still hadn't reunited Sonny with the benevolent woman as they weren't sure if Sonny was prepared to deal with the rest of the Hermann clan yet. But as soon as they believed the teen was ready they'd reunite him with the caring woman who had missed him terribly.
When they finally reached their street the two men instantly spotted Sonny. The teen was perched on the front porch eagerly awaiting their arrival, a thick blanket was draped over his shoulders. As he looked at the boy waiting eagerly for their arrival Kelly's mind wandered to a memory that for so long had been a source of agony, a reminder of what he had lost.
After a house fire left a young girl in critical condition Kelly found himself in a dark place. He was tortured by the belief that if he had moved faster that maybe the little girl would be ok. In reality there was nothing more Kelly could've done but it didn't stop the guilt swirling around inside of him. The guilt ridden firefighter had spent the entire day walking around aimlessly in an attempt to ease the storm raging inside his head. He didn't want to go home until he knew he had a handle of his emotions, he didn't want Sonny to have too see him so upset. He didn't want the little boy to worry. Finally Kelly managed to calm himself down enough to return to their cozy apartment, but the injured girl and her terrified parents still weighed heavily on Kelly's mind. Ever since Sonny's birth calls involving children affected Matt and Kelly really badly. The mere thought of loosing sonny filled Kelly with dread, he couldn't imagine what the girls parents were feeling. , Of course he had no idea back then that one day he'd know the pure fear of almost losing a child.
When he reached their apartment he could hear the joyous sound of laughter before he even went inside. Immediately after he pushed open the door he was met with the sight of Sonny running happily around the apartment while Matt chased after him. A red blanket was draped over Sonny's shoulders like a cape and his toy rabbit Robbie was tightly gripped in his hands.
Before Kelly had a chance to say anything Sonny barrelled into his arms. Immediately Kelly picked the boy up and settled him in his hip.
"What are you doing buddy?" Kelly asked softly hoping Sonny didn't hear the strain in his voice.
"I'm a hero, like you and mummy"announced the boy proudly, his blonde hair was sticking up in different directions and his cheeks were rosy from running around.
"Hey what about me"called Matt feigning upset as he approached them, he offered Kelly a kind smile before turning his attention the little boy who was grinning wildly.
"And Daddy" added the little boy in a soft tone that made Kelly's heart melt.
"I made a drawing for you" smiled the boy, as soon as his feet touched her he floor he rushed off into his bedroom, his cape flowing behind him.
"How did we get so lucky?" Wondered Matt out loud as he pulled Kelly into a hug.
"I have no idea".
"Love you sonny"whispered Kelly as he tucked a tired sonny into bed later that night.
"Love you Sevy" the boy yawned as he nestled into the warm blankets, as he held Robbie tightly to his chest the little rabbits head peaked out from underneath the cocoon of blankets. Despite the boy falling asleep quickly Kelly found himself unable to move from the room, he didn't want to let Sonny out of his sight. After a few more minutes of watching Sonny sleeping peacefully Kelly summoned enough strength managed to pull himself out of the room.
"Thanks for letting me put him to bed tonight" said a Kelly as he dropped down next to Matt. They normally took it in turns reading the little boy his bedtime story because on the occasions they did it together the boy tended to get overexcited and take double the time to fall asleep. It had been Matts turn but knowing how much Kelly needed it he had happily let the other man do it. Who could've known that one day Matt's kind considerate nature would lead to ten miserable years?
"That's ok, what's going on in that head of yours?" Questioned Matt eyeing the tired man.
"I couldn't stop thinking about if it was Sonny"admitted Kelly brokenly as he stared at Matt with glassy eyes.
"I know, but he's safe Kelly, he's safe and happy" assured Matt as he wrapped his arms tightly around the distressed firefighter . As he leant into the warm embrace Kelly allowed the walls he had built to collapse and he let his tears fall freely.
"I love you kel, me and sonny aren't going anywhere" promised Matt before planting a kiss on the man's forehead. Feeling safe in the blonde's arms Kelly continued to sob, he didn't know what he would do without Matt.
"We're not going anywhere" promised Matt as gently wiped away Kelly's tears,
Two months later Matt's words were proved wrong and Kelly faced his worst nightmare . He leant how it felt to have everything you loved ripped away shattering your heart in the process.
"He hasn't really changed has he, he's still our Sonny" mused Kelly as stared at the teen sat on the porch. Despite all the pain he'd been through he was still the little boy who raced around the living room and wanted nothing more than to save people, he was their little ray of sunshine. He was their son and he always would be.