Please enjoy.
TW- detailed hospital visit.
Gently Matt continued to card his fingers through Sonny's hair as the boy slowly drifted of to sleep. He had to take extra care not to hit Sonny's side or any of the wires and tubes connected to the poor boy. The only reason the nurses had allowed Matt to get up onto the bed was because they'd learnt the hard way how distressed Sonny could get if he was afraid he'd been abandoned.
"He woke up again?" Asked Kelly as he entered the room holding two paper cups full of hot coffee. Returning to find Matt up on the bed with Sonny didn't shock Kelly. The distressed teen had been drifting in and out of consciousness for the past two days, but they'd been in the ICU for over double that time.
"Yeah, he still didn't seem to understand what was going on" informed Matt with a dejected expression that made Kelly want to pull him into a hug. Kelly placed the cups down on a small bedside table and took a seat up close next to the bed.
"It's going to be ok Matt, you heard the Doctors his condition is improving everyday . He'll be alert and chatting to us in no time". There was quite a lot of the truth in Kelly's words, the teen was no longer pale or clammy, and he was no longer seizing like he had been during their first day at the hospital, but as Matt stared down at his fragile son it was impossible to think of a future where everything would be ok.
"You said that the first time he woke up" Matt replied as he gently shifted Sonny into a more comfortable position. Watching Sonny wake up for the first time had been a horrific experience Kelly never wanted to think about again. The young blonde had been unable to form any words so instead he let out a series of pained whines as tears streamed down his face. As the boy gained more energy he began to thrash until the nurses had no other choice than to sedate him. The next few times Sonny woke up were just as horrible. When Sonny dislodged his IV for the fifth time the nurse's finally gave in and allowed Matt to climb up onto the bed, since then Sonny hadn't dislodged anymore tubes but he was still extremely unhappy whenever he regained consciousness.
Unfortunately they weren't at Chicago meaning they were also unfamiliar with the staff, but after finding out about Sonny's condition Dr Charles had contacted the hospital and explained anything important that wasn't already in Sonny's file. After Sonny's doctor's conversation with the psychiatrist the amount of people on Sonny's case had been limited as much as possible,in order to prevent the teen from getting overwhelmed by meeting too many different people. But sadly there was nothing they could do about moving Sonny out of the loud busy ICU as it was the safest place for him to be; he was in a small private room but the alarms and doctors could still be heard from inside.
"He's doing better now Matty" comforted Kelly as he looked down at Sonny. The boy looked so small lying in Matt's arms. As Kelly looked at the star covered hospital gown hanging off the young boy he was reminded of just how young Sonny was, Kelly constantly found himself thinking about Sonny when he was four years and about all the years they'd lost, consequently Kelly often forgot that Sonny was only fourteen.
"I don't know what to do Kel, I thought he was doing better" cried Matt and Kelly understood that the tired man wasn't talking about Sonny's physical condition anymore. Ever since the teen had been admitted Matt had been berating himself for not checking on the teen more frequently . Sadly years of experience had taught Kelly that there was nothing he could say to stop Matt from blaming himself.
"Matt he came to us" reminded Kelly as he reached out and clasped Matt's free hand in his own.
"Fifteen hours too late" Matt spat back. Both men kept thinking about how if they had cleaned up the scrape straight away they would be at the cabin laughing and playing board games, instead of sitting in a gloomy hospital room. But Kelly tried his best to stay positive while Matt found himself drowning in guilt.
"But he still came to get our help Matty". Despite how much pain he had been in Sonny still managed to gather the strength to stumble into their room; that fact was what gave Kelly hope for a normal happy life.
"We almost lost him for good" Matt whispered his voice cracking as he struggled to keep in his tears.
"But we didn't, he's still here", as he spoke Kelly tentatively wiped away the tears that were had started to escape from Matt's sorrowful eyes.
"He's a fighter just like his father" a deep voice cut in and the two men turned their attention to the man stood in the door way. Boden had arrived a few hours after getting the call that Sonny was in the hospital, ever since his arrival he had been keeping a close eye on the two men. He made sure they left the tiny hospital room occasionally to get cleaned up or to at least catch a few hours of sleep. They were staying at a hotel a few minutes away from the hospital but the room had barely been used, one man would stay in the hospital while the other showered quickly and slept for a few hours. Neither of the men wanted to leave the young boys side but Boden had been insistent that they didn't let their own physical and mental states decline. He'd seen Matt neglect himself far too many time because of guilt and misplaced blame; Boden was determined not to let Matt fade away this time.
"I'm not hungry" Matt gritted out as he eyed the sandwich in front of him in disgust. It had been a few hours since Sonny had last woken up in a panic and Boden had finally managed to drag Matt into the cafeteria for a long overdue break.
"Matt when was the last time you had something to eat?"
"Sonny-" began Matt but the blonde was promptly cut off my Boden raising his hand.
"He's with Kelly, Matt you have to look after yourself" insisted Boden as he pushed Matt's plate closer towards the exhausted father.
"I can't lose him again" breathed Matt his voice shaking with fear. Boden nodded softly in understanding. He hated seeing Matt so tormented and worried but he remembered how terrified he'd been after Terrance was born. It had been agonising to watch Terrance fight for his life, but finally after a week of hell his little boy had pulled through . He couldn't imagine how Matt had felt being separated from Sonny for ten excruciating years or how it felt to almost lose him again only a few months after finding him.
"You're doing a good job Matt" assured Boden as he placed a gentle hand on Matt's shoulder.
"He's lying in the ICU" yelled Matt but the ex-firefighter's anger evaporated quickly as Matt slumped down onto the table.
"That's not your fault Matt" . Boden rose from his chair and crouched down next to the broken man.
"I knew he was hurt, I should've -"
"Forced him into letting you help, Matt from what I've heard he's an awful lot like you, he's stubborn. If you demanded him to let you help he only would have pushed you away".
"He doesn't trust me, I failed him and Hallie" sobbed Matt as he buried his head in his hands.
"The boy who keeps calling out for you and will only settle when he hears your voice doesn't trust you?" Replied Boden forcing a chuckle as he gently rubbed the back of Matt's neck. He loved Matt like a son but he knew all to well that a sense of self-worth was something the blonde had never possessed.
"I'm his dad he should feel safe about coming to me if he's hurt" came Matt's muffled response.
"Matt he was kidnapped, he spent ten years being raised by someone we've never met. We have no idea what he was taught", but Matt only shook his head, he'd heard the same thing from Kelly but he didn't believe it. He was Sonny's father he was supposed to protect him, but so far his son's life has been one big tragedy.
"He deserves better" sobbed Matt.
" No Matt, you're an amazing father" Boden responded as he pushed passed the lump in his throat, he would do anything to take Matt's pain away.
Despite Boden's attempts to calm him all Matt could think about was how much pain Sonny was in, he'd failed his little boy.