A/N: So it's been a little while. If you're still with me, big thanks. This chapter's song is "Don't Get Too Close" by Nathaniel Rateliff. Enormous thanks to you guys reading and reviewing, it always means a lot to me and I'm glad to hear your feedback.

9. Don't Get Too Close

Mason was ninety-six percent certain Ezekiel wanted to feed her to Shiva. Not that she could blame him. In any case, she wasn't sure if that wouldn't be the best decision for everyone at this point.

Rick had indeed returned seeking an explanation to all Mason had confessed to Eugene. They stood before the stage now, just the two of them. Daryl waited outside with—with Beth.

"Rick Grimes of Alexandria," Ezekiel said. Cordiality stretched taut over his disapproval. "As a figurehead myself, I understand your disquiet at this revelation. However, my Champion, though charitable in intention, is ill-judged in disclosing this insight with you."

"Well, I would think you'd want us to be aware of a potential threat. As allies," Rick replied. "You invested your people and your supplies. Just makes sense to protect your investment. Either way, I need to protect my family, and I'm not leaving here without answers."

Ezekiel's eyes tightened. Shiva paced restlessly behind his throne, as if roused by the tension in the room.

"There are more communities than yours, Rick. One such commonwealth exists several miles east. The Saviors, they have so titled themselves."

Mason flinched.

"It is true that our two communities clashed but one year past. It is also true that the war is ended, and that they leave us alone for the most part. We have tailored an agreement to link our communities now in peace."

"Peace?" Rick repeated, glancing at Mason. She hoped nothing showed on her face. "That's not how your Champion made it sound."

"I suspect she misspoke in her desire to convey that, while we may have hewn a deal with them, it remains that these people are dangerous. I would advise you, Rick, to stay away from them. Do everything in your power to keep from discovery. Generous is not a word I would use to describe them."

"If these Saviors are so dangerous, how is it your people know nothing about them?"

In the brief silence that followed, Mason could feel Ezekiel seething at how much she'd revealed. And it wasn't even all of it. A laugh bubbled bleakly in her throat.

"How I run my Kingdom is not your concern," he said lowly. "Suffice it to say that those among my people who know the truth know also that our current arrangement is most beneficent. They know it is unwise to foster the shadows of a darker age."

This last was aimed at her. She breathed through her nose and kept her thoughts to herself.

Rick watched them for a long time. Mason felt Eugene's eyes on her, but she couldn't look at him. It only reminded her that Beth was outside, waiting for her, which made her a little sick to her stomach.

Finally, Rick nodded. "I'll discuss these Saviors with my council, Ezekiel, but none of my people will mention a thing to anyone here. That's what you're concerned about, right? Keeping your people in the dark?"

It was clear from his tone that he didn't respect this decision, but his experience as a leader kept him from trying to tell Ezekiel how to deal with things.

Ezekiel dipped his head. "It is."

"Well, so long as you keep your word, I'll keep mine."

"I always keep my word. Now, Jerry, if you wouldn't mind showing our guests out for a moment. I would like a word with my Champion."

Jerry hopped off stage to lead them out; from the set of his jaw, it was clear he had a few choice words for her as well.

And Mason couldn't help it. Her eyes flashed to Eugene, just long enough to find him looking back at her with concern. She offered him a tiny smile that was probably more of a cringe and stifled the urge to follow him.

The moment the door closed behind them, Ezekiel faced her.

"What the fuck is this, Mason?" His voice was low, no longer the medieval lilt. Too pissed to bother. "You bring these strangers around, pledge yourself to them, tell them shit we bleed and sacrifice for every day to keep from our own people?"

"Um—to be fair, I didn't tell them everything. Just—"

"Don't. Don't play me with that fair bullshit. You broke your vow. Do you realize how irresponsible that is? You put everyone here in danger."

"You know that's not what I was trying to do. And I wouldn't have done it if I thought we couldn't trust Rick and his group."

"That's not your decision, Mason. I know you want to help these people, but you have a duty to your own community first. You're their Champion."

I'm your Champion, she wanted to say. The rest of the Kingdom wanted nothing to do with her; whether or not she was loyal held no sway on that opinion.

She didn't say it. She knew how fragile it was, everything they'd built. She'd agreed to the sacrifices, and the hits she'd taken were hers. But she was tired. To her bones, she was tired.

"Ezekiel, I'm sorry. It's just…you've said before that the more allies we have—real allies—the better off we'll be. I didn't mean to go back on my word, and I wasn't trying to undermine you. But they deserve to know the Saviors are out there. I wish someone had been around to warn us."

Slowly, the fire faded from his eyes. He sighed. "You know I can't disagree with you. And I understand how you feel. I know you hate the lies. But I need to know I can trust you. None of this is ideal anymore, but we managed to make something good anyway. We need to protect that, at all costs."

She flushed with shame. "I'm sorry," she repeated. "I never want you to think you can't trust me."

"I trust you always have the best intentions," he said, and smiled slightly. "Just not always the most restraint."

They sat in silence for a moment. Shiva finally settled down behind them, but her eyes were wide and unblinking, taking in everything.

"I'll take responsibility for this arrangement, if anything goes south," Mason spoke up. "I'll run reconnaissance between the two groups to make sure there's no spilling the beans. They seem like good people, though. I think they understand, you know, what it takes to keep things going these days."

Ezekiel nodded. He spoke again in the voice of the King. "Thank you, my Champion. From now on, no more surprises. I have every desire to help these people where I can, but it cannot come at the cost of the framework of our realm."

She bowed her head. "Yes, your Majesty. May I take my leave now?"

"Go, and send Rick back to me. The finer details of our barter require some attention."

So she went, swapping one dread with another. She couldn't imagine how to face Beth now, but she was out of places to run.

~m~

When Mason exited the theater, Beth was struck all over again by the sight of her. She'd filled out with muscle and looked much healthier than her scrawny days in Georgia. There were more scars now, in visible places that made Beth think they were the result of fights; there were tattoos on her arms and peeking out from the hem of her shorts.

She was so beautiful. Memories hadn't done her justice.

But it was more complicated than just missing her. There would be no sorting through the emotions roiling in her stomach until she actually talked to Mason.

Daryl elbowed her. The two of them leaned against the wall of the theater, idly watching Rick, Eugene and Jerry discuss whatever they were discussing a few yards off.

"There's ya girl."

"Yeah, I have eyes, Daryl." Nervousness detached her from the proper sarcasm.

"Crabby. Better snatch her before Eugene does."

She narrowed her eyes. It didn't escape her notice, the furtive glances Eugene cast Mason as she approached Rick, or the way Mason twitched her head in Eugene's direction, like she couldn't resist the urge. It sent an unpleasant spasm through that storm of emotion in Beth's guts.

Rick nodded at whatever Mason said, and that's when she turned and saw Beth. Her face went blank before she walked over.

"I'll leave you to it," Daryl murmured and drifted away.

Initially, when Beth had gotten out of the car, there was a breathless moment of shock before Mason wrapped her in a tight embrace. Clutching at her in disbelief, breathing her name like the lyrics to a forgotten song. At least until Rick reminded them that they were there on official business, and there hadn't been time for much else.

Now Mason stopped a few feet away, like she was practicing restraint.

"Hey."

Hey? That's all you have to say after all this time? After everything we went through, and then you just…left me in the woods?

Outraged, Beth crafted the perfect response.

"Hey."

Well, maybe not the perfect response.

"How'd it go in there?"

Mason shrugged. "Well, I wasn't fed to any tigers, so I'll call it a win."

Eugene had already told her about Shiva, so Beth didn't take it as a figure of speech like she might have otherwise. Instead she nodded and said, "Gettin' eaten by a tiger is…is hardly ever good."

"Uh. Not usually, nope."

Silence fell. The awkwardness irritated her. She was about to demand they broach the ugly subject when Mason motioned to the gate.

"Do you wanna go for a walk?" she asked. "I can show you around when we get back, but I just figure…we can…you know."

"Okay."

Once they were outside the Kingdom and it was just the two of them, every argument and accusation Beth had stored up fizzled out. Despite the anger, the confusion, her stomach fluttered being this close to Mason again.

They walked in silence for a while, and Beth began to wonder if either of them would ever speak.

"So," she finally forced herself to say. "You found them."

Mason jumped, like she hadn't really expected any conversation. "Huh?"

"Ava's family."

"Oh. Some of them. The others…died fighting for this place."

"I'm sorry."

Mason shrugged, but her eyes brightened. "She'll be excited to see you."

Beth smiled. "Me, too. I missed her."

I missed you.

But it seemed nearly impossible to say this now.

"I really like your hair," she said, in an effort to keep the conversation from lagging. She eyed a scar that ran the length of the shaved side. "It's much better than that chop job you had goin' on back in Georgia."

Mason snorted. "Hey, it wasn't that bad considering I had to cut it with a pair of rusty-ass garden shears."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Beth?"

"Hm?"

"I…" Mason slowed to a stop. She stared straight ahead as she spoke, and her voice came out in a whisper. "I'm so sorry."

Beth stopped, too, straightening her spine so her resolve wouldn't waver. "For what?"

"Please don't do that. You know what."

"But you still can't say it." The anger rushed in, making her chest ache. "I don't know why I'm surprised. Even in the bus, all that time we spent together, you could never look me in the eye and just admit you were still plannin' on leavin'."

"I did tell you. Right from the start."

"Alright, I'll be more specific." Beth clenched her jaw. Her arms shook. "After we kissed. After I told you things about me I hadn't told anyone before. After we almost—"

The words choked off, and Mason flinched.

"I'm sorry," she said again. Her voice was thicker. Tears welled in her eyes but she quickly blinked them away. "I had to get Ava here. I couldn't stay."

"And you couldn't be honest with me either? You had to run?" Tears stung the back of her throat, but she refused them. "Do you have any idea what it was like, goin' back to that bus and you're just…gone? And then realizin' you didn't give enough of a crap to say goodbye, or just—just apologize?"

"It—it wasn't like that. I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted that. I saw your family that day and I just lost it, I…I was afraid. I was terrified."

"Of what?"

Mason shook her head at the ground. "Everything, Beth. Everything."

Silence fell. There was so much more to say but Beth couldn't find the words for any of it.

After a moment, Mason sniffed. Cleared her throat. Looked up without quite looking at Beth.

"I'm sorry for running away. I'm sorry for leaving you, and letting you think I didn't respect you. I'm sorry for not telling you the truth."

Beth sagged. All the pent-up frustration, all the hurt, fractured somewhere in her chest. She was just…tired. She couldn't expect Mason to make up for all of it in a single conversation. All she could do was forgive her or not, and time would show the rest.

"I know you weren't tryin' to hurt me." She allowed a little smile. "Jackass."

Mason huffed a hesitant laugh, but when Beth reached out to hold her hand, she went silent and drew back.

Beth blinked. It was quiet for a moment before she said, "We're gonna have to start over, aren't we?"

"I think so, yeah."

It didn't surprise her, really. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew things couldn't just pick up where they'd left off. At least they had the chance to start again.

She sighed. "Well. In that case…is your favorite color still purple?"

Mason looked up then, bewildered. "I— Um, yes. And yours? Is it still yellow, or maybe blue, you're not sure?"

It sent an absurd thrill through her stomach, that Mason remembered after all this time. She grinned.

"Yep. Still not sure."

Mason's answering smile was tentative, but it was a start.

~m~

Eugene wasn't particularly eager to be alone with his thoughts, so he did what anyone would do: translated every song he could think of into first Spanish, and then French. It was late; the only ones out were the watch shift. He thought being back home would've made him feel less alone, but here in the dark, it was stronger than ever.

He rubbed his arm uneasily, that particular spot just above his wrist. It was a while since he'd leaned so heavily on a nocturnal schedule, but it was frightening how easily he fell back into it...

The creak of a porch swing drew his attention, and the person sitting in it drew him to a halt.

The house he stood outside of was the one Beth shared with Maggie and Glenn, and he had passed it and its empty porch several dozen times in his circuit around the community. But now there was Mason, absently swinging and looking about as lost as he felt.

He hesitated on the edge of the light cast by the window. She looked so exhausted. A deep, quiet instinct pressed him to go to her, to ask if he could help, but…he ignored it. He didn't want to bother her with everything that was probably on her mind.

When he made to retreat, however, her voice stopped him.

"Hey."

He turned back and she smiled in a strange way. Relieved, yet sad.

"Hey." Awkwardness flushed his cheeks with heat. "Sorry."

"Why?"

"It was not my intention to disturb you."

Her lips twitched; Eugene got the irrational but insistent feeling she was fighting a more genuine smile.

"Too late." She patted the spot next to her. "Wanna join me? I'm just sitting, being boring, but you can sit and be boring with me."

He needed no more invitation than that. She scooted to the side to leave a gap between them, and so he did as well. Her expression became grateful, though she stared at her feet.

"What are you doing up so late?" she asked.

No way he could tell her the whole truth. He settled for something more vague.

"Thinking some long thoughts. I cannot claim to know what to do with myself when they won't silence themselves long enough to get some sleep, so I figure better to be moving than lying still."

She nodded. "That's why I run. At all hours, even back before all this. Which is partly why I got so into self-defense, because there's some sketchy-ass people out past midnight. And speaking of…" False cheer brightened her face as she turned to him. "You ready to officially start your training tomorrow?"

Before today, he might've answered yes, unequivocally. But given the change in circumstance…

"I have never been more ready, ma'am," he lied. "And where are your feelings on this new arrangement?"

Immediately he regretted the question, and considered stammering his way out of it.

But Mason shrugged and mumbled, "Well, it's nice getting out of the Kingdom for a while."

She'd agreed to live part-time in Alexandria, so that there would be another support system within the Safe Zone aside from rotating shifts of Knights. Ezekiel was willing to help with the Wolves, but not at the cost of his Kingdom; he wanted enough people there to defend it if the need arose. After a few days, Mason would return home, and Eugene had agreed to go with her, so as to continue his training uninterrupted.

Beth, too, would join them. It was another reason for the alternating shifts. Denise needed another set of hands in the infirmary, so Beth couldn't be away for long, but she'd insisted on lessons as soon as she learned of Eugene's. It was a logical, if convoluted, solution to the delicate state of things, but Eugene couldn't feel anything but nervous about it.

"I don't know how happy Beth is about it," Mason went on, then shut her mouth tight, like she hadn't meant to say it.

Eugene buried a flinch. He didn't particularly want to discuss Beth at the moment. As a friend, he was happy they were getting the chance to reconnect, he just…wasn't keen on knowing the details.

Still, he asked, "Do you…that is, it's none of my business, but if you think it would help to talk about it…? Cards on the table, most do not find me the best conversationalist, but I will listen regardless."

She deliberated a moment, bouncing one leg. And then it all came spilling out of her—her journey cross-country with Ava, meeting Beth in Georgia, and running when things got too serious.

"And I don't know how to make up for that," she finished. "Not just for leaving, but for not…telling her outright. That I never meant to stay."

Eugene wasn't sure what to say. He'd yet to figure out how to make up for that kind of shit either.

"There were so many times I wanted to. Or, well, I never wanted to, but it wasn't like there weren't a bunch of opportunities. But every time I tried it was like…"

"Like you were physically incapable of doing so?"

Something glimmered in her eyes. "Yeah."

"I get it."

"It wasn't right." Her voice was so small.

"I am not saying it was right. I'm saying I understand." In fact, he could understand that feeling with significant depth. "In any case, you are here, and she is here, and there is no way forward but forward. Someone once told me that you are not your past unless you choose to be, and those words were so wise I am considering taking credit for them."

She laughed briefly. "Yeah, well…stick around, and you'll see that I'm shittiest at taking my own advice."

"Well, if I take credit for it, then would you consider it the advice of a friend instead?"

"Maybe."

It seemed there was less discontent in her voice than before. She was smiling, at least.

"Thank you, Eugene. I didn't mean to just unload on you like that."

"It was no hardship on my end. I greatly enjoy talking to you, Miss Mason."

Her smile lingered a moment longer, her eyes holding his, and as the silence went on he wondered if she was leaning closer to say something else, perhaps something that required a lower tone. But finally she cleared her throat and looked away.

"We, um, should probably try to get some sleep. I'm not a morning person, so we won't have to start too early, but I'm planning on a full day otherwise."

"Yes, ma'am."

Stiffly, he rose from the swing and descended the porch steps. But he paused on the pavement below.

"I am no wizard at life and I cannot claim any expertise in navigating it," he said. "But I believe that while you exist, there will always be something to regret. There is not a one of us these days without regrets. That there is the truth, that's as cold and hard as it comes. So…at least if you are a fuck-up, you are in good company."

She grinned. "That's some good-ass advice. I may have to take credit for it."

"Happy to be of service." He threw her a lazy salute. "Goodnight, Miss Mason."

"'Night, Eugene."

On the walk back to his house, his head was crowded with little things. The breeze brushing Mason's hair across her cheek. The way she talked with her hands. The sound of her laugh. Each one jabbed him just a little.

Sleep came more quickly than he expected, but it was not the heavy unconsciousness he craved.

He dreamt he was on a beach, watching the stars come out. Mason lay there next to him, perfectly at ease.

She smiled and said, "I missed you."

It didn't make sense. He said, "I'm right here."

She just laughed and replied, "It's nice to meet you all over again", before the scene shifted.

He was standing at the side of a road back in Georgia. He recognized it; it was the place he'd first met Glenn and Tara. From the nearby cornfield, walkers advanced and he raised his gun, the foreign weight of it unwieldy and dangerous in his hands. He fired into the herd, missing nearly all of them.

Something came closer through the corn, arrowing through the stalks until it came into view. A figure, so grimy at first he assumed it to be a walker, too.

But it wielded something in its hand, and its movements were too graceful. It was a person, dressed in walker guts, swinging a weapon through the dead.

Swinging a fire poker.

He stared, frozen, as she fought her way to him. When her eyes met his, his heart thundered in his chest.

She opened her mouth. Opened her mouth and said—

He sat up in bed, clammy and shaking. He wasn't sure what time it was, but it was still dark.

"Move, dumbass," he gasped. That's what she'd been about to say.

He sat there for a moment, allowing his pulse to return to normal. There hadn't been anything sinister about the dream. It hadn't felt like a nightmare, but it had felt incredibly real. That was what jarred him awake, the feeling that he was awake already.

It's just…nerves, he reasoned. The stress of everything branding his dream with vividness, perhaps to sort through that stress or as some kind of escape.

It's nice to meet you all over again.

With a groan, he fell back onto his pillow. Whatever the reason for the dream, there was no question his brain was an almighty asshole, and if it didn't let him get some peace and quiet for five fucking seconds…

Resigned, he practiced breathing techniques he'd searched the internet for once upon a time. And while at first he thought it wouldn't work, eventually he eased back into sleep, dreamless this time.

~m~

It took repeated efforts to wake Mason in the morning. Each time Beth thought she roused her, she would simply roll over with an incomprehensible grumble and be back to snoring in seconds. But eventually, Mason sat up from her nest of blankets on the floor and rubbed her eyes.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "I just kinda loathe being…you know, conscious."

Beth sat on the edge of her bed, watching Mason reorient herself. She'd already dressed for the day, using the bathroom in case Mason woke up, and she was restless with waiting.

"How was it sleepin' down there?" she asked when the silence stretched on.

"It was like any other floor I've ever slept on."

"You should've slept up here. I would've made room."

It was a small bed, though, and Mason seemed determined to keep as much distance as possible. Beth tried not to let this irritate her. They were starting over. But it was hard when it was Mason who had put them in this position.

"You should eat some breakfast," Mason said. "Something small but hearty. It's gonna be a long day."

Beth was quiet for a moment, but those last few words made her heart twinge.

"Do you not wanna train me?"

Startled, Mason looked up. "Huh?"

"I mean, is…is it too soon? To be around each other."

"Oh. No. No, Beth, it's not too soon. It's gonna be a long day because it's gonna be a long day. It's hot as balls and we're all tired, but I have no problem training you." Then she blinked. "Do you think it's too soon to be around each other?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't share a room with you otherwise." She kicked her legs awkwardly. "I missed you, Mason."

Mason's eyes softened. "I missed you, too."

Beth grinned. "Good. I'll hurry and eat somethin' so we can start."

"Don't rush. I'm gonna give Eugene a little more time to sleep since I kept him up late last night. Talking." She added this last quickly in response to Beth's expression.

"That's where you were last night?"

"No. I mean, I was just sitting on the porch and he found me. We were just talking."

Beth stared at the floor. Something burned in her stomach. She wanted it out.

"Yesterday," she said quietly, "you said you weren't ready to try for a relationship right now. And that's probably best, and I'm fine with that." In truth, she really was. As much as she had missed Mason, there was just no way to start anything with this gap between them.

"You said you wanted to wait, and fix things before that."

"Yeah…"

"So it's not because of Eugene?"

Mason blinked. "What? N-no, I just… I'm not ready to be with anyone just yet. I have a really shitty track record and I need to get that in order first. And besides, there's just…too much shit going on to concentrate on that right now."

She glanced away, and Beth sensed there was more to the story, but she didn't press her. She was right, anyway. It couldn't be a priority with the Wolves at their doorstep. She was just tired of her heart hurting.

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "I know this is hard for you, too. And you're right, I know you are. But I—I finally found you after all this time, and I'm still tryin' to wrap my head around all of it, I'm… I'm just tryin' to understand."

Mason offered a weak smile. "Me, too."

There was little else to be said on the matter, or at least little else they felt they should say at the moment. Beth was well aware there were dozens more conversations to be had before things were better.

~m~

Mason let Beth lead the way, too distracted to remember where she was supposed to be going. No matter what she told herself, she couldn't settle her nerves.

So it's not because of Eugene?

She flinched. It wasn't. It wasn't. She just wasn't good at relationships; that was nothing but the truth. She'd told Beth the truth.

Okay, so maybe she had been thinking of asking Eugene on…whatever the hell a date passed for these days. At least after this Wolf business, to see if maybe the way her heart skipped around him could lead anywhere. But now she was thinking clearer, it was ridiculous. She'd sworn off relationships for a reason. They were complicated and painful—hadn't Gina taught her that? And now, with the way things were, and…and all that she had done…

It was better for now if she were just their friend. Kept her distance enough to stay her feelings and then…go from there.

She snapped back to the present as they climbed the steps to one of Alexandria's many enormous houses. Eugene was waiting for them. He nodded to her but said nothing of their talk last night, which she appreciated. She wished she'd been smart enough not to mention it. Beth's face was unreadable, but in the practiced way of one hiding their thoughts.

It didn't quite dawn on her until they reached the courtyard, and Beth and Eugene faced her. That she was going to train them. Both. At the same time. And how incredibly difficult it was going to be, maintaining a safe distance…

"Um." Her voice came out higher than she intended. "I'm gonna lead you through some basic stretches and a few laps around the neighborhood, so we can get warmed up. Then a quick sparring session, just to see where you're both at."

"What, you mean…sparrin' each other?" Beth asked. She and Eugene glanced at each other, and something flashed between them that had Mason fidgeting.

"N-no. Spar with me. I'll get a more accurate feel that way. Does that sound okay?"

They both nodded. She swallowed hard.

"Then let's get to work."

A/N: So I know this chapter was short, kinda filler-y, but I hope it was still enjoyable. For those of you who aren't fans of the whole "love triangle" stuff, I promise I'm not gonna draw it out painfully long. I've analyzed and re-analyzed the plot of this to death, and it just was the most logical path for the story to take at this point. In any case, whenever I write love triangles, I always try to justify them and make them as authentic as possible, instead of just...drama for drama's sake lol Anyway, there will be a lot more action and general chaos in the next chapter because it'll be our first real Alpha chapter, which I'm really looking forward to. Anyway, thanks a ton for reading! Much love to you all xoxo