Glitter and Gold

Chapter 34

34 ABY - Starkiller Base

"Ben!"

Kylo Ren paused on the bridge, fingers flexing. Then he turned to face that familiar voice. His father. Han Solo stood at the other end of the bridge, the red lights reflecting off the man. "That is not my name." he growled, voice distorted through the helmet.

"It's the name your mother gave you. The one I gave you." Han insisted, striding towards him. "Take that damn thing off! Let me see the face of my son!"

After a moment of consideration, Kylo removed the helmet, dropping it to the bridge with a loud clang. His father stepped closer, an age-weathered hand pressing to Kylo's cheek. Han's eyes absorbed his features greedily. "Your son looks just like you, Ben,"

Kylo Ren took a step backward in surprise. "What?" he questioned. "You've seen Anakin?" he asked.

"Pictures. From your mother," Han explained. "He has your hair. Your eyes. Your smile. His mother's face, I think. Not that I've seen hers,"

The young man stood silently, eyes fixed on the floor as he considered this. "I know I failed you as a father, Ben," Han said suddenly, taking a step closer to his son.

Kylo's eyes flashed to him in surprise. "I am well aware of that fact," he said coldly.

Han sucked in a deep breath. "I was never there for you. Not for the big moments, not for the small ones. Not when you needed me. I'm sorry, Ben," Han said, holding out a hand to his son.

"What do you want me to say?" Kylo Ren asked, fists clenching tightly.

"I don't need you to say anything. I just need you to listen. I was a bad father –"

"You said that already," he interrupted, face set in discomfort.

"Damn it, Ben!" Han growled, dragging a hand down his face in aggravation. "I may not have been there for you, but do you truly believe that I don't – didn't – love you? That your mother didn't love you?" he questioned.

His son's gaze focused on the floor, avoiding Han's eyes. "Look at me, Ben!"

"What point are you trying to make, Han?" Kylo asked, glancing up to his father with angry eyes.

Han sighed. "Your son needs a father, Ben,"

"My son is none of your concern, Han," he muttered, beginning to reach down for his helmet again.

"Maybe not. But I am. Concerned, that is. Your son is out there alone somewhere. You're here. Vex – well, only you know where she is, I'd bet," Han began, reaching for Kylo's arm. He stepped away, eluding his father. "Your son is out there, Ben. Without any parents. He needs you – Vex needs you! Not Kylo Ren, they need Ben!"

"Ben Solo was weak. He cannot help anyone,"

"Then why did she name your son Anakin Solo? After you. Ben Solo," Han questioned. Kylo Ren had nothing to say to that, lips parting for a moment. "You're so sure Ben is gone, but I see him in your eyes. The boy I taught to pilot the Millennium Falcon. The boy Leia taught calligraphy. Someone who is kind and loves. That is who your son needs, I promise you,"

"You don't understand,"

"What don't I understand, Ben?"

Kylo begins to pace. "That everything I have done and will do is to protect my son. To protect his mother. You have no idea what the Supreme Leader has asked of me!"

"What has he asked you to do?"

"I wish to be free of this pain. I'm being torn apart," Kylo said, blinking through eyes full of tears.

It didn't elude Han that Kylo didn't answer the question. "Ben," Han said, hands grabbing at his arms. "Let me help you," he pleaded.

"I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it,"

"I'll help you," Han promised.

Kylo Ren looked at him for a long moment before pulling away. "You can't," he says, picking up his helmet and beginning to walk away.

"It doesn't have to be like this, Ben!" Han called after him.

"Yes, it does," Kylo replied. "Now, go. Before he makes me kill you,"

Han looked at his son long and hard, beginning to step backward. "This isn't over, Ben. Even if it kills me, I'll see you away from this place. The First Order. I'll see you holding your son,"

Kylo didn't turn back to look at his father. He felt Han Solo slipping away, leaving the chamber. "Goddamn it," he whispered, dropping the helmet again to run gloved fingers through his hair.

Why did I do that? Why did I spare him? Kylo questioned himself. Snoke would surely make him suffer for it.

The more he questioned himself, the more a voice began to ring in his mind. A familiar voice. A voice that had become Kylo Ren's conscience. You have parents who love you!

The Supremacy

"What news do you have for me?"

James Creel knelt before the Supreme Leader, his eyes lowered. "Your child's re-education is well under way, Supreme Leader."

Snoke rested his misshapen chin on a fist. "Is that all you deem to tell me, Lord Creel? It is by my grace that you still live…" he growled in warning.

The other man exhaled lowly. "I am exceedingly aware, Supreme Leader. You must understand that this is a delicate process… it requires much diligence,"

Snoke stood, arms folding behind his back. "And diligent you have been. Do not think me blind, boy. I know your intentions," he said, pacing in circles around Creel. "You have taken my young apprentice apart, that is true, but I suspect it is more in service to your desires than in service to me,"

"I would never go against your wishes, Supreme Leader," Creel said, voice tremulous.

"See that you don't, lord Creel. You may have pulled Vex apart... but if you do not put her back together again, as I deem fit..."

Creel drew in a long breath. "I swear, Supreme Leader, you will not be disappointed,"

Snoke paused behind him, laying a heavy hand on Creel's shoulder. "If you fail me, Creel, I will do as I should have done twelve years ago... and make you long for something as sweet as death,"

Starkiller Base

There were many things Kylo Ren knew at that moment. He knew he would be punished for failing to kill his father. And he knew it'd be worse if he did nothing as the Starkiller Base was destroyed. And he knew that he would not be the only one to suffer.

Vex already suffered, but Snoke wouldn't hesitate to use her to punish him. Harm her further. He had threatened as much many times over the last three years.

So Kylo had tried to re-capture the Scavenger. And somehow, just like before, she had gained the upper hand. With no knowledge of the force, no training, she had defeated him. Struck him down. Laid him low.

Kylo had hoped to present the Scavenger to Snoke. With the hopes of distracting his master with a new apprentice. A fiery young woman with raw, untamed power. She might distract him just enough to allow Kylo Ren to slip away. With Vex.

But instead, he lay in a bank of snow. With a line of fire burning across his face.

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Much love, Suz Singer.