ATS: Isolation

There have been a lot of changes since I've been with the Autobots, and not just with myself. However, there have been a lot of things going on with me as well. I'm still working on combat training. It's been a slow progress because after a while my body will stiffen up so I can't do too much in one day. Ratchet tells me this will decrease as time goes on. I've been able to gradually do more since my training started, but I still have hiccups for a lack of better word. I've also been taking up weapons training with Ironhide. Both him and Chromia have been teaching me how to handle various types of guns. I honestly don't feel comfortable handling them because they make me nervous. However, they have both told me that I need to get more comfortable around guns just to be on the safe side.

I have also moved out of the med bay, although Ratchet was very reluctant about it. But there wasn't anything that was requiring me to stay in the med bay. I was feeling fine and there weren't anymore episodes like the one that had turned me into a Cybertronian, so Ratchet released me from his immediate care. However, he did make me promise to come to him for anything...I'm actually gonna miss being in the med bay with Ratchet. He may not admit it but I think he was sad to see me go too.

I'm now staying in a room between Prowl and Jazz. Prowl said it would be best f I was in a room between the third and second in command; mostly for safety reasons. Plus, Jazz said he'd feel better if I was by him and Prowl. I've been working on controlling the Guardian powers as well. It took about a month with just sitting in my quiet room and just quietly asking the Primes to give me wisdom.

I don't ever actually hear them talk, but I do feel a warmth fill my heart-uh spark and afterwards I'll mutter some words in the Guardian language and see if I'm able to produce results. Normally I just try to produce balls of light and maneuver them around the room. This has ended up being the easiest way to practice.

I have even been helping Ratchet and Jolt in the med bay. It's only been with small stuff like dents and scratches. Those I have learned to fix real easily. Sunstreaker has been my most persistent volunteer. That mech is all about his paint job that's for sure.

I haven't done any big repairs since I haven't mastered the Guardian powers yet, so Ratchet and Jolt stick to those.

Everyone has moved to a new base in DC. It's not like Diego Garcia where there's plenty of room, but the inside is plenty big enough for everyone to walk in. The Autobots and humans have been working together to track down stray Decepticons and to keep an eye out for Megatron. No one has seen anything of him since he battle of Egypt. That has everyone on high alert, especially Prowl.

One of the things I've learned about Prowl is that he is a major workaholic. He is always working and is always on alert. A lot of people think he is a stiff, but I think he's awesome. I'd like to think of us as friends. I've been able to talk with him when he manages to be not so busy and he's told me about his old life and what he did. Prowl used to be a cop! No surprise there.

I actually find him pretty funny, in a dry humor he doesn't know he's being funny kind of way. When he and Jazz are off at the same time the three of us usually spend that time hanging out in Prowls office. I have to admit to being obsessed with Prowls door wings. They are so expressive and pretty. I actually ended up petting one once after staring at them. That was the first and only time I had seen Prowl loose his composure...or see Jazz literally fall to the floor laughing.

I apologized to Prowl when he explained they were really sensitive and to my embarrassment I had practically felt him up. No telling how many times I told him sorry. I told him I couldn't help it cause I thought his wings were lovely. I will probably never again see Prowl blush. Luckily Jazz thought it was funny and made a joke to Prowl about his lovely wings stealing my attention.

Prowl was not amused.

The Autobots have been helping humanity with various conflicts around the globe. I'm proud of the Autobots and what they are doing. Before anyone leaves I be sure to wish them luck and say a message of protection in the Guardian language.

I myself don't get to go with them. I don't get to go anywhere actually. I'm not allowed to leave the base at all, and its been getting to me lately. I ask Optimus all the time when I can go out with the others on missions-even though the idea of it is terrifying- but he says he would rather I stay on base so I will be better protected. He says with the Megatron and his Decepticons still out there he doesn't wish for me to be exposed.

I try to understand and I do, but not being allowed to leave brings me back to when I found out I was turning into a Cybertronian...trapped and isolated. I've asked both Prowl and Jazz if they could talk to Optimus about me at least going on a drive every now and then, but both say they agree with Optimus' decision.

That's caused me to feel down lately and whats made it worse is that my mom isn't allowed to visit me. Civilians aren't allowed on base and that includes my mother. The only way I have to see her now is through Skype...and that is nowhere near enough for me. I practically begged Optimus to let me go see her or for her to come see me but he said it couldn't be done. I compromised and asked if I could meet her half way in an isolated location, but so far he hasn't agreed.

I pretty much isolated myself in my room for a few days. I had plenty of visitors trying to cheer me up. I didn't stay in my room long. I just needed time to myself to try and figure out how I'm going to handle not seeing my mother in person for who knows how much longer. I miss my mother terribly and want to see her so badly. Even the Skype "visits" are only made twice a week due to security reasons... I am so sick of hearing that. I know it's all for safety's sake, but I'm sure safety's sake could spare an extra day or two.

Me and Jazz are still going strong of course. I do love him, even if he is overprotective. Any time I bring up going outside he is quick to revert my attention elsewhere. I get that he only wants to protect me, but this is ridiculous! Which leads me to the current argument. "Please, it's not like I'm asking to leave the country."

"I know, but we can't take any-"

"Chances I know! We can't run the risk of a Con coming after you. We can't let you get exposed. This has to be done for your safety and well being. Blah blah blah. I've heard it all multiple times." I interrupt Jazz.

"Averie (my real name can be safety said since it's currently just me, Jazz, Prowl, and Optimus.) I understand what your saying, but for your safety-"

"There you go again! Look Optimus, I know you want me safe and I appreciate it, but I can't take being trapped anymore. I feel like I'm being isolated, and all I want is to go outside. Please." I beg.

Optimus sighs in what I know must be aggravation because this particular dance has been going on for a while. "I'm sorry Averie, but my answer is no."

"Optimus please! Can't I at least drive down the street and back? Can I at least have that? I'm not allowed to see my own mother so can you at least give me this?" I ask.

Optimus ponders a moments before looking to Prowl. "Prowl?"

"The chances of her coming into contact with a Decepticon for a drive down the street are low. So long as she is only gone for a few clicks and is back here. We can't take any chances with her being the Guardian." Prowl answers.

"Will that suffice to you Averie?" Optimus asks.

I remember clicks being a few minutes from what Ratchet has been teaching me of Cyerbertronian words...and its not exactly the answer I want to hear, but apparently I'm not going to get any better than that. "Ok. Can I go now?" I ask.

"Yes, so long as you take someone with you." Optimus replies.

"Why? I'm only going down the street and back." I argue.

"I know you tire of hearing this, but I am not willing to take any chances on your safety. If you wish to go for a short drive then you will take someone with you-end of discussion." Optimus states in his leader voice.

I sigh and reluctantly nod my head. "Fine. Jazz you busy?"

"Sorry darlin'. Got some stuff ta take care of. If you can wait till tonight I'll go with ya." He says regretfully.

"No. I'd rather go now. I'm sure I can find someone whose free." Without another word I leave Optimus' office. When I'm far enough away and I reach one of the hangers, which is thankfully devoid of life at the moment, I kick the wall and let out an aggravated groan.

"Are you alright Angel?" I hear Mirage ask in concern behind me.

I turn my attention to him. "Yeah. Sorry for that I thought I was alone."

"My apologies. I saw you come in and you looked very sad. I wanted to make sure you were alright." He replies.

"...Thanks. I'm okay."

He looks unconvinced and walks up to me. "I'm afraid I can't believe that. What troubles you Angel?"

"I'm-I mean-I guess-its nothing. I shouldn't bother you with something so petty." I say.

"You could never be a bother, and it wouldn't be nothing if it troubles you so. Please, allow me to be a listening audio." He says sweetly.

With the way his looking at me I can't help but want to spill out everything to him. Mirage and I have become really good friends since he came to Earth. He's so easy to talk to and fun to hang out with. Next to Prowl, Jazz, and the twins he's usually the one I'll spend my time with. He's really good at listening to me and offering suggestions or advice when needed.

"I'm sad Mirage." I say seriously.

"Why? What saddens you Bella?" He asks in concern.

"Well you know how I've been practically begging Optimus to let me go out for a while...well he finally said yes, but its just to me driving down the road and back. It's not exactly a day out on the town, and I guess I should be grateful for that, but..."

"I understand Bella. You are feeling trapped." He estimates.

"Exactly, and I know everyone just wants me safe, but I can't take being trapped on base anymore. I have to get out...I just wish it was for longer than a few clicks. I just want to go out Mirage." I let it out, and that's not the only thing.

"Oh, Bella please don't cry." He says soothingly while wiping away a stray golden tear. "It breaks my spark to see you so sad. I understand where command is coming from. You are too precious to allow the Decepticons a chance at abducting you, but I also see how this isolation is affecting you."

"I just don't know what to do...Optimus said I need to take someone with me...is it too much to ask if your busy?" I ask.

"For you? Never. Come, let us enjoy the sunshine for a little while. It shall be a nice drive for the two of us." He says while gesturing to the hanger door. We walk to where a back exit is for the Autobots to go in and out of, and a smile comes to my face at the sight of the outside world...the suns even shining.

Mirage notices my smile, no matter how small it is. "You look much more lovely when you smile. It is a good look for you."

"Thanks."

"My pleasure. Shall we?" He gestures to outside.

"Lets. Lead the way." We both transform and I follow him out of the hanger and after circling around the building we head onto the side street and drive. It feels nice to be able to drive. It was weird at first but after I got used to it it wasn't so bad. I enjoy it...not that I get to do it often.

The trip is a quite one (has to be) but its nice none the less. Unfortunately, its over far too quickly-the street isn't that long, and before we know it we are pulling back into base after getting past the guards. Once we get inside we transform back. I look back at the outside world before the doors are closed. "Angel?"

"Sorry Mirage what did you say?" I ask not realizing he said something.

"Nothing. You just looked sad again."

"I don't mean to. I'm glad I was able to go outside...even if it was just to the end of the street. Thank you for going with me. I appreciate it." I say.

"Anytime Bella. I will always be here if you need me." Mirage reassures.

"Thank you. I'll see you around. I'm gonna go look for Jazz."

"Of course. Find me later if you have the chance." He says.

"I will." I head into the hall and make my way to Prowls office, which is where Jazz usually works from. I knock on the door and wait for the come in to enter. Prowl's the only one in, but the trip won't be a total loss. "Hi Prowl."

"Hello Evangeline. Did you enjoy your drive?" He asks.

"Yes. It was nice, short, but nice. I actually wanted to apologize." I reply.

"Apologize? I wasn't aware you had done anything that warranted an apology." Prowl says confused.

"I know I've been bugging you, Jazz, and Optimus a lot lately about my being stuck in base. I've been feeling isolated and I haven't exactly spoke with the nicest tone lately, and for that I'm sorry." I say.

"You have nothing to apologize for Evangeline, but the sentiment is appreciated. I know this hasn't been easy for you, but your safety is one of our top priorities." Prowl explains.

"I know, and I appreciate that you guys care so much. I just wish I didn't have to be trapped inside all the time you know?"

"I understand what your saying. I shall speak to Optimus regarding you have regular trips outside so you do not feel as trapped as you say. Will that suffice?" He asks.

I smile my first real smile in while, and without thinking rush over and hug Prowl around the neck. "Thank you Prowl! Your awesome."

He stiffens at the initial contact, but soon relaxes. I'm a hugger so he has gotten used to it. He pats my back as he says, "Your welcome."

I pull back and ask, "Do you know where Jazz is? I'd like to apologize to him too."

"I doubt he would feel you need to, but he is currently on his way back from a meeting with Optimus. He should arrive shortly. You are welcome to wait here for him if you wish." Prowl suggests.

"Thank you."

Jazz arrives soon after and I give him our usual greeting of a hug and kiss. "Hey darlin'. How was ya drive?"

"Short but good."

"Ya took someone with ya didn' ya?" He asks.

"Yeah. Mirage went with me." I answer.

"Oh. Good." Jazz replies with an odd tone. For some reason if I ever bring up Mirage Jazz's tone will change. I don't know what it is and he won't tell me, and he probably never will. Mirage works in the spec ops department under Jazz's direct command so I've seen them work well together, but there seems to be some tension that I can't place. I've learned to stop asking because he never tells me.

"So I came to apologize. I already did to Prowl so its your turn." I say.

"Darlin' there ain't nothing ya need to be sorry for." He reassures.

"Yes there is. Look, I'm still not happy about being cooped up in this base, but I do understand that y'all just want me to be safe." I say.

"That's all we want darlin'. It would be devastating if something happened ta ya." Jazz says.

"I know, but you have to understand that I already feel isolated enough without y'all adding to it by not letting me leave the base. Y'all don't even want me stepping outside...ya'll have to understand how that's making me feel." I explain.

"We understand darlin'. I'll talk ta Optimus about letting ya have periodic trips outside. I'm sorry darlin'." He says before kissing my forehead in apology.

I hug his waist. "Thank you."