I SWEAR ON MY LIFE I TRIED TO MAKE A CHAPTER OF FLUFF, BUT IN TRUE ME FASHION, I ALSO HAD TO MAKE IT GO FROM 0-100 REALQUICK, SO... ENJOY?
I stare through the helicopter window, staring longingly at the ground as we wait for Rufus to entire the helicopter. He stands outside, giving Heidegger that look that I know all too well. That, and we're waiting for Elena because she left to go pee in a random nearby building. Tseng sits in the front beside Reno, though he constantly glances back at me. Rude's with the other chopper that's carrying Heidegger and Scarlet to wherever this random-ass town is that they're supposed to be regrouping in.
The plan is to drop Rufus, Heidegger, Scarlet, and Tseng, leaving them one chopper, and then take the other back to Shinra with the rest of our sorry butts. We won't be back in Midgar until tomorrow at the earliest, and I'm okay with that. I pull the door open when Rufus comes toward us and Heidegger runs around the docks, screaming at sailors and soldiers alike. Must not be used to criticism. Rufus steps past me and I catch a waft of the sea's scent from the outside, sticking my face out in the warm sun of Costa del Sol for a moment.
"When's Elena comin' back?" Reno asks, yawning and stretching his arms over his head.
"I'm not sure," Tseng sighs, getting impatient.
"How long's it take a girl to pee," I scoff, falling into the seat beside Rufus. He frowns at me when I almost touch him.
"How should we know?" Reno retorts, turning to grin at me. "You're the only one here."
"Maybe she's having issues."
"Like what? It's stuck inside her?"
"It happens."
"What?" Reno raises his eyebrows. "No, it can't. That's bullshit."
"Even heard of a UTI?" I fire back. "It just doesn't come out."
"Fuckin' bullshit," he huffs, falling back into his seat.
"No, it's not." I almost scream with relief when Elena hops into the chopper and closes the door behind her. I spread my arms wide, my voice laced thick with sarcasm. "Pick a seat, any seat!" Rufus scowls at the hand in his face, leaning away from my arm and staring out the window.
"How much did you drink?" Tseng asks, frowning at me. I roll my eyes, slumping in my seat.
"Not enough."
"Grand," Rufus says under his breath.
"Put your bony ass on me and you die," I threaten when Elena begins to sit a little too close.
"It's not bony—"
"Smaller chopper than the last," Reno comments, grinning back at us. "Packed in like little sardines, huh? Bet the VP—sorry, just the P—is lovin' the female attention!"
"Can we leave?" Rufus snaps, making a point of jerking his leg away from mine.
"Working on it," Tseng mutters.
Slowly, we rise into the bright, summery sky and take off, leaving Coast del Sol behind. Much to my delight, I'll be back later while the helicopter refuels. Rufus lays his head against the glass with a sigh, staring at the clouds. His face goes from neutral to a scowl when I can't stop fidgeting—I'm not used to sitting hip to hip with my boss, okay? Sighing, I lay my head on the back of the seat, stuck between two people that I'm not too fond of. If I fall asleep, everyone will yell at me, so I keep my eyes open, staring hard at the ceiling as I wonder about Tyler Marx and all that he's hiding from me.
When we land, I pull the door open and send Tseng off with a smile. He hands me a key and lets me know that if I need anything or if Reno gets sick of me, I can stay in his place. I roll my eyes and shove it in my pocket. Relieved with the promise of a comfy bed, I wave to Rufus, too.
"Good luck, sir!"
To be honest, he doesn't look like he expected that. He frowns, unsure how to respond before deciding no response is necessary. Reno laughs and I climb into the front, refusing to let Rude have all the fun. The bald man gives me a look when he climbs in back, but I ignore it, happy to busy myself with something.
When we finally land in Costa del Sol, my legs feel numb. I step outside and stretch, feeling my back crack in, like, seven different places. Reno laughs, shoving me playfully. I elbow him back and then the four of us head to a hotel on the edge of town that overlooks the sea. The woman at the desk checks us in under Tseng's name and we head upstairs.
"One big room, huh?" Reno scoffs, eyeing a pamphlet the receptionist gave him. "Got all this Shinra money, but we don't have any privacy. At least we get free drinks at the bar."
"Since when are you worried about privacy?" I scoff. Elena laughs to herself, shaking her head.
"I'm not. I'm worried about the big guy. He needs his alone time."
"I'll manage," Rude replies, shaking his head. He quickly suppresses the slightest of smiles, but I don't miss it.
"Here we are," Elena announces, unlocking the door. She pokes her head in and she shrugs. "At least it's spacious."
"Told ya it was big.
Reno flops down on the nearest bed with a heavy sigh. I make a point of jumping onto the same bed as hard as I can, nearly throwing him off. Scoffing, he shoves my knee and closes his eyes.
"Stay awake, idiot. We've got a whole night ahead of us," I tease. Elena shakes her head.
"How are you not exhausted?"
"Trust me, I am." I fall onto the bed beside Reno's, sighing. I might never get up. "But it's not often that I get free drinks and a bed."
"Damn, I gotta steal you back from Rude," Reno huffs, sitting up. "Who's hittin' the shower first?"
"I am headed downstairs," I announce, grabbing his hand and forcing him to stand. "Come on. You can't leave a pretty lady like myself alone in a strange new world!"
"Pretty," he snorts.
Rolling my eyes, I drag him out the door, silently offering for Rude (or Elena, I guess) to come. They both shake their heads and we shrug it off, headed down to the bar for a little rest and relaxation.
There are more people here than I expected, but it's not packed. Guess this place is pricier than the one across town. Reno elbows his way to the counter and manages to make a woman uncomfortable enough to get me a seat. Laughing, I take it, letting him order for me.
"You're an asshole."
"Don't give a shit," he retorts, catching a pair of sliding glasses and handing one to me.
"To recovery?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. He laughs, nodding and clinking his glass to mine.
"Sure, Kitty Kat."
It's probably an hour or so later than we wander out to the beach, carrying our socks and shoes in our hands and wandering out to the water. I kick a spray of sand up at Reno only to get a mouthful. He makes fun of me for several minutes until a passing couple asks if I'm okay. We wave them off and I fall onto my back, not caring if sand gets in my clothes. The stars look amazing out here where they aren't blocked out by Midgar's smoke and smog.
"Fuckin' beautiful," I murmur, resting an arm across my forehead. Reno falls down beside me, crossing his arms behind his head.
"Cool, isn't it?" He takes a deep breath, finally, finally, relaxed. "I like it out here."
"Me too." I close my eyes, absorbing the sound of the waves and relishing in the silent company. "We should've done this sooner."
"Yeah."
"… Never thought I'd be back with you guys."
"Me either." He smiles, glancing over at me. "Happy you are, though."
"Are you?"
"Wouldn't've said it otherwise."
"I guess." I force myself to sit up, dizzy for a moment. "Thanks for being my friend, Re."
"Course." He sits up, too, knocking his shoulder against mine. "Who the hell else would be?"
"Whatever," I scoff, shoving him back. When I threaten to throw sand in his face, he pulls his goggles down over his eyes, grinning like a fool. I crack up, doubling over. "You look so fucking stupid."
"Oh, fuck off."
"I can't." I fall backward, content to stare up at the sky a little longer.
"You won't," he corrects. I huff, smiling.
"No, I won't."
My bed is comfy as hell, and as soon as I step out of the shower, I envelop myself in a complimentary robe and collapse, exhausted. Rude's light is the only one left one as he reads. Elena's been out since we left, and Reno died when we returned from the beach. It's the most eventful day he's had in the better part of a week, and I'm sure he's still healing even if he won't admit to it. My eyes close all too easily and I sink further under the covers. It's the perfect recipe for good sleep.
But my consciousness could never grant me that.
"Good morning, Miss."
I tear my face out of my arms, curled up in the corner of my cell. Is this real? I frown at the young man that stands in the doorway, trying not to remember his face too well. Sometimes I have hallucinations and perceive things that aren't there. At least, that's what Professor Hojo tells me. He only comes by sometimes, though, and it's usually just to test a new miracle cure to my ailments—they never work. I don't know if I mind them; I like the company. The young man clears his throat, my silence making him uneasy. He awkwardly adjusts his white lab coat.
"You probably don't remember me. I'm Tyler?"
"A scientist?" I ask quietly. Dad was a scientist. I shake my head, pressing my lips together. No, don't think about him. It'll only hurt.
"Pardon? Miss?" I look up and he nods, his gray eyes flitting about the room. "I'm supposed to take you to the psychologist now. Miss A—"
"Don't say it," I snap, getting to my feet.
"R-Right. Sorry. I forgot about that."
He follows me more than leads me, unlocking doors with his ID and leading me through the white halls to a pristine door made from stainless steel. Outside a tall vase of flowers stands, labeled with the scarlet Shinra logo. He lets me in and offers an uncomfortable smile before leaving.
"Hello, Dear!" a woman greets.
I don't know her name. I try not to know her face. They tell me she'll be gone, soon anyway. They all will be. Some names are okay to remember, though. Professor Hojo is fine. I'll have to ask them what they think about Tyler. My own name isn't okay to remember, though. One time the woman said it; I think I tried to choke her.
The woman has me sit down on a chair across from hers, smiling. She tries, but she knows she's keeping secrets. She knows I'm keeping secrets, too. She tells me that Shinra is after me, that they want me dead. That they don't draw the line at executing a thirteen-year-old girl. Someone important wants me dead, so they're making exceptions. If she can't turn me around, they'll take me to calm the people of Midgar. That's just the way it is.
"Hello," I whisper to her fluffy white cat as she gently steps onto my lap, familiar with my presence. Her name is Belle; Belle is okay to remember.
"You really like her, don't you?" I don't answer, running my hand over Belle's smooth fur over and over and over again. "You know, I've been thinking," she continues. "I know you need something to be called—" I scowl at her neck, afraid to see her face for the first time. "Don't look at me like that. What if we named you after her?"
"Belle?" I ask, frowning at the feline. "No."
"No? Hm…" She snaps, sitting upright. "Well, how about Kat? Kat with a 'k' to add some pizazz."
"Kat with a 'k'…" I murmur. It feels right. I nod.
The session goes as it usually does. She pokes and prods and suggests that I externalize my feelings instead of internalizing. She doesn't understand what externalizing means to me. She doesn't understand that I'm not in control of any of this. I tried to tell her. She told me it was all in my head. But then why do I lose control of my body?
"So, Kat," Tyler greets, hitting my new name with extra emphasis to prove to me that he's making an effort. I really don't care if he tries or not; I won't. "Hojo tells me there's someone here to see you today." He offers a nervous smile. "But… he's a bad man, so we'll be around to make sure you're okay."
"Hojo isn't here?"
"No. He's watching, though. He doesn't want you to get hurt."
"Who is it?"
"You'll see."
Tyler opens the door to a room without windows. There are two couches facing each other and a table between them. The wall supports two glowing vending machines. There's a long glass wall on one side, and I realize that's where Hojo is. At least someone that's okay is here, then. Tyler has me sit down and I obey, eyeing the old photographs of Midgar that hang on the white walls. He leaves with a final smile.
I'm not nervous until the door across the room opens and I see the man. The bad man. Suddenly, I feel sick and my palms are slick with sweat. He's the one that wants me dead. The man straightens his suit and his short ponytail sticks out oddly from behind his head when he looks back at the two-way mirror. His dark eyes meet mine and he holds his hands behind his back, keeping himself under control. I don't have that luxury, feeling the pressure build in my chest until I have to look down at my pants, biting my lip until I bleed. We're alone. I could end this family forever if I could hit him hard enough and hang myself later… We both deserve it.
"Do you remember me?" he asks. I don't answer, staring hard at my pants. "Don't make me ask twice. It's ridiculous enough that you can't hear your own name without losing it."
"… I do."
"And you remember what I'm capable of?"
"Yes."
"Then why did you do it?"
I grit my teeth together. "Do you remember what I'm capable of?"
"You're a little girl," he scoffs. "I'll only ask once more: why did you do it?"
You had to.
She was tainted.
Your mother loves you.
"Do I really have to buy into your game?" he demands, losing his cool. "Fine. Why did you kill Taavi?"
Taavi… She always watched out for him. She practically raised him, gave him no choice but to love her. She taught him the ways of the world and hid him from them at the same time. His beloved sister… Taavi. I screw my eyes shut, shaking my head. My fingers twitch, twisting tightly in the fabric of my pants. No.
"And Joseph?"
"Stop."
"And Mike, Evan, and Logan?" He slams a hand down on the table and I flinch. "Sarah? She was five."
"Stop."
"What the hell is wrong with you, Anna?!"
Kill him.
With pleasure.
"I said shut up!" I scream, leaping to my feet. My hands remain at my sides, itching to squeeze the life from his eyes. He stares back, unafraid. Foolish. Cold.
"If you can't handle what you've done then you—"
Enough.
I lunge at him when he least expects it, letting his head slam against the smooth floor and digging my thumbs into his throat with power that is only mine. Where are you? His eyes go wide and his hands push back.
"I didn't kill them, Tseng!"
He kicks me off him, touching his throat. I fall on my back, howling laughter into the air so that everyone can hear me.
"Get the fuck out!" I shriek, feet kicking up in the air and arms clutching my stomach. It's so funny. "Get the fuck out!"
Tseng stands slowly, watching me with a mixture of horror and disgust as I writhe on the floor, laughing, laughing, laughing.
"You really have lost yourself."
I roll onto my feet and rush at him, slamming him against the glass with superhuman speed. Digging my nails into his neck and kicking at his knees, I throw him to the floor and dig my thumbs back in with strength that's not mine, cackling as he tries to wrestle me off.
"I'll kill you myself!" I scream, throwing my head back and laughing. "I'll fucking kill you, and then I'll rip your nasty little eyes out! I'll paint your name all over the walls in blood and—"
Someone grabs my arms and pulls me away, calling for help when I begin to thrash like a wild animal, kicking and screaming and laughing. Tseng scrambles to his feet, beyond disgusted as he watches them jam a needle into my neck and press a plunger. I wail, cackling as he leaves through the door, ushered out both a doctor.
"Run, Turkey, run!" I shout, though my voice is getting raw and my eyes are growing heavy. "Go burn with Taavi!"
I jolt awake, drenched in sweat and gasping for air. It's pitch black in the room, deep in the night, and no one stirs. I throw the covers off and head to the bathroom, careful to only release a trickle of water to let the others sleep as I cool myself off, hands shaking and heart pounding. In the darkness, I stare at myself in the mirror, shivering when I run through the dream again. Was it a dream or a memory? I already know the answer; I've never had a dream that's felt so oddly familiar and so specific. Sick, I close the door and slump against the wood, tugging at my hair.
I shudder remembering what hearing my own thoughts felt like. What those voices sounded like. They echoed the feeling of thoughts, like when you hear yourself reading. It wasn't a real sound, but it wasn't from myself. At least, I don't think. Was that why Tyler took those years away from me? The hatred laced in Tseng's voice… Is that why he abandoned me to fend for myself on the streets? I'll kill you! I shiver again, feeling feverish. What the hell happened? Why couldn't I remember names or look at faces? Who are they? The voices?
"Fuck," I whisper, closing my eyes and letting my head hit the door softly.