WARNING: GOES FROM 0-100 REAL QUICK (SELF HARM, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, ETC)
"Guys! I'm back!" I step into Rude's apartment, spotting Reno on the couch. He glances up and holds up the bottle he took from Rude's cabinet.
"Mind putting this back for me?"
"Thought I wasn't the woman for you," I tease, snatching it away and heading for the kitchen.
Upon opening the cabinet, I realize I'm not nearly tall enough to reach the shelf this belongs on. I turn to the couch where a crown of spiky red hair peeks up over the edge of the cushions.
"Re, can you help me? I'm too short for this world."
"Fuck off," he grumbles.
"Reno."
"Shit, fine."
Huffing, he gets to his feet, pulling the bottle from my hand and easily setting it on the top shelf. I smile, clinging to him so that he can't put his arms down.
"Thank you," I croon, laughing when he rolls his eyes.
"Yup. Mind letting go?"
"I don't think I will."
"Kat," he huffs, trying to pry me off.
"Why? What're you in such a huffy mood for?" I scoff, straightening and crossing my arms. He shakes his head and flops back down on Rude's couch, watching Kelsey interview a man from the slums as the cameraman focuses on her chest.I take a deep breath. "Fine. Where's Rude?"
"Probably reading."
"In his room?"
"Yup."
Rolling my eyes, I head down the hall, eyeing the trio of doors that greets me. The one in front of me is the bathroom. Shrugging, I open the door on the right side of the hall, poking my head into the dark room.
"Rude?"
A loud snarl startles me, and in my effort to get away, I fall onto my ass, reaching up to shield my face as a flurry of tan fur lunges at me. A sharp cry rises from my throat before I can stop it, trying to swat the demon chihuahua away only to have it rip at my other fingers.
"Shit!" Reno comes running from the room, shoving Elixir into the corner with his shoe and grimacing when the dog gnaws on his pant leg. "Rude, your demon dog just ripped Kat a new one, man!"
"I can hear that," Rude huffs, opening his door. Irritated, he hoists the chihuahua off the ground and closes himself in the room with it. I get to my feet, staring at my bloody fingers as I try to figure out where the bites are, exactly. Reno grabs my wrist and jerks me down the hallway.
"Ow!" He ignores me, turning on the hot water and forcing my hand under the tap. "Fucking ow, Reno!" I shout, ripping my hand out of his grasp and cooling the water off a little. "What the hell?!"
"Oh, shit, sorry!" he sneers, pissed off. "I'm just having the greatest day of my life, Kat, and I really appreciate you demanding my attention every two fucking seconds!" Huffing, he turns on his heels and leaves the kitchen.
"Reno!"
The door slams behind him and Rude emerges from his room with a frown. He raises an eyebrow at me, and I shake my head, turning the water off and reaching over my head in search of something to wrap this up with.
"What set him off?"
"No idea. Said he was having a bad day after attempting to melt my fingers in boiling water. Have any bandages?"
"I have the materia."
"That's okay. Good reminder not to fuck with your dog."
"Hm. Sorry."
"It's fine." I finally locate what I'm looking for, glancing at Rude in a silent plea for help. He reaches over my head and sets the roll on the counter for me. "Thanks."
"Where did he go?"
"I don't know." I busy myself with wrapping my fingers, peeking up at him. "So… should I still stay with him?"
"I don't see why not. He'll be sorry later."
"I know what you mean, but that sounded like a threat," I point out. Rude puffs out a small laugh, shaking his head.
"It's not."
"Okay."
Three hours later, I'm sprawled across Reno's couch in one of my own old t-shirts that I found in his drawer and a pair of his sweatpants, watching some stupid, cheesy romantic comedy that I've only been half paying attention to. I'm tired, but I don't want to sleep until Reno comes home. Gods only know what he's getting himself into.
As if on cue, Reno stumbles through the front door as the credits roll. I mute the TV, sitting up to see him tossing his jacket on the table and clutching the back of a chair.
"Reno?"
"Hm?" He lifts his head, eyes bloodshot when he looks over his shoulder. A lazy grin stretches across his lips.
"Where've you been?"
"Gettin' girls," he mumbles, shivering. "Why's it matter?"
"I was just curious."
"M'kay." He hiccups and shakes his head, clumsily kicking off his shoes and socks. "Wasn't doin' that. Can't lie to you."
"Okay." I stand, taking a deep breath. "Well, you ready to go to bed?"
"No." He shakes his head, adamant. He falls into a seat at the small table, resting his head on the smooth wood. Suddenly, he lifts his head, staring at me through bleary eyes. "Why're you fuckin' Hojo?"
"Um, what?" I blink at him, unsure what else to say.
"You're lookin' for him, ain'tcha?"
"Where did you hear that?"
"Got my ways." He rubs his face with a groan that turns into a nonsensical shout. I frown, leaning against the back counter. Usually, when he's this bad, he's at least slap happy. Now, he's just angry. Not angry. Hurt.
"Well, I—"
"Why's Rude get to know everything?" he demands, rocking back and forth in his seat. "You fuckin' him too?"
"Uh, no."
"Sure." He lets his forehead hit the table, bringing it back up with a shake and a bitter laugh. "Why'd you need Hojo?"
"I need information."
"If he was cheatin' on ya, couldn't blame 'im," he chuckles, eyeing me. "You're nothin' special, Sweetheart." I roll my eyes, trying not to take his words to heart. "Got a cig?"
"You don't smoke, idiot. Let's get you to bed."
"Don't touch me," he grumbles, getting to his feet unsteadily.
I shake my head, following him toward the kitchen to get to the hallway. His place is laid out exactly the same as Rude's—they all are, probably. Suddenly, he turns into the kitchen, fumbling with the glass on the sink and chugging down a cup of water. I sigh and lean against the fridge with my arms crossed. You're a wreck. I stare down at my feet, wondering when I can next go out to get some clothes other than Reno's to wear. A gasp stings my throat when Reno slams his hands down by either side of my head, staring down at me with a crooked smile
"Gods," I hiss, pressing a hand to my heart. He traps it there, leaning closer. Gods, your breath.
"You're no one's," he slurs, laughing to himself. "No one's allowed to touch ya."
I frown, confused. "What?" Snickering, he lowers his head and nudges my jaw with his nose. I shudder when his breath pours down my back.
"You're mine, Kitty Kat." His lips brush my neck and I squeeze my eyes shut. Don't put us in this situation, Re. Don't be an idiot.
"… Okay?"
"Is that all you can say?" he grumbles, looking back up at me sharply. Scoffing, he straightens and trips his way to the hallway. "Get the fuck outta my house."
"What?"
"Get the fuck out!" He kicks the wall, denting it in. "Ruinin' my fuckin' life."
"How?" I demand. That one stings. And to think we were so happy just yesterday. "Reno, what the—"
"Get out."
Huffing, I head out the door, leaving him to take care of himself and making a point of slamming it hard behind me. Ruining your life? I shake my head when my heart squeezes. He's just in a bad mood. Still in Reno's clothes and feeling bad about bothering Rude again, I turn to the only place I have left: Tseng's apartment. I find it easily because, well, it's just a short walk down the hallway. I jam the key in the lock and turn the lights on. Dark even with everything lit up. Sighing, I step inside and toss my shoes on the mat by the door before closing the door behind me.
"He'd better apologize to me tomorrow," I mutter.
He'll pay if he doesn't.
I freeze. My breath stops in my throat and my heart skips more than one beat. I listen for anything around me, but I know damn well that no one's here. It's just me. That was the sound of my voice in my head. I shiver, suddenly sick. How do I…? My stomach churns and I squeeze my eyes shut. Dad, you were always… Suddenly, I understand. With sweaty, trembling fingers, I throw Tseng's cabinets, searching for anything to calm me. Quickly, I unscrew the cap of a large bottle and throw my head back, taking down as much as I can before I gag, choking as burning alcohol splatters to the floor.
"Fuck," I hiss, leaning against the counter and burying my face in my hands. The scent of the drink burns my nose and its flavor is repulsive, but I can't bring myself to care. I'll pay you back, Tseng, I swear.
If he hurts you, you'll hurt him back.
"No!" I snap, choking on the air and tugging at my hair. "Get out!"
Those who cause your suffering will die at your hand.
"Stop!"
I take another long drink from the bottle, clutching it in my hands as I pace the length of the apartment like a caged animal, heart pounding, fingers trembling, and mind racing. All those faces and names I couldn't remember... Those voices in that dream… I grit my teeth, pausing only to take another drink. What if I lose control?
This body is not your own.
A frustrated scream tears through my throat and I hurl the bottle at the wall, watching the glass spray across the room. It's not good enough. I slam my fist into the wet mark it left, inhaling the overwhelming scent of alcohol as I bruise my knuckles on the wall until it breaks through.
You can't escape your destiny.
I sink to the floor, blindly reaching for a thick piece of glass on the soaked ground. My back presses to the wall and I eye the shard, overwhelmed with panic as I wonder if ending it all right here would be too much. If it's even possible. Gritting, my teeth, I reach to dig the tip of the glass into my arm, a trial run. It stings, but watching the blood flow is refreshing somehow. My head begins to spin. If I could just put myself out of my misery… Things would be so much easier for everyone. I take a deep breath, trying to dig deeper, but my arm returns to my side and releases the glass, controlled by something else altogether.
You can't escape.
"Get out!" I scream, kicking the remaining glass across the floor and slamming my head against the wall as hard as I can.
You will end them.
"No!"
They will pay the price.
Pull them apart piece by piece. Watch their tears fall. Let their blood spill.
"Stop!" I press my hands to my ears, my blood pouring down my sleeve and warming my arm with a thick, coppery scent. The palm that clutched the glass cakes crimson streaks into my hair, smudges them across my ear, and leaves a print on my cheek, but I just. don't. care.
Afraid?
Rufus.
Tseng.
Reno.
They've turned against you. Traitors.
There's no need to fear any longer.
I'm here.
"Please…" I sob, falling onto my side and curling up as tightly as I can, unable to control my quick, sharp breaths, my tears, or the shaking. The hissing voices continue, flashing images, horrible images, of those I know now and those I knew then, all bloodied, beaten, and empty-eyed. Their screams echo around my skull, only growing louder when I squeeze my eyes shut.
They will die.
I sit up sharply, desperate for an escape. Gritting my teeth, I drag myself onto my knees, ignoring the crunching of the glass beneath me, and slam my forehead against the wall. Over and over and over again, I hit my head, not caring if it stops me from waking up tomorrow. Finally, I hit it hard enough that I can't stay upright, collapsing by the wall as the ground spins beneath me and my vision fades in and out. Gods… With a long, final sigh, I give in, letting the darkness take me far, far away.