Celia stood in the hospital corridor looking perplexed, "What was Kate even doing collecting Lawrence? You two haven't been an item for weeks."

Caroline felt all her fear and anger come bursting forth, "She did it because she's fucking perfect!" she snapped, her body rigid and her fists clenched in frustration, "Because Lawrence called her and Kate wanted to help, like she always does. She did it because she knew I would be worried and because she's lovely - the best thing to happen to me in 15 sodding years!"

Caroline felt tears tracking their way down her cheeks as she broke off with a sob. Fear clawed at her insides and threatened to rip her to pieces. She felt as though she were literally falling apart; that her body could not possibly contain the terror bubbling up inside her, pressing its way out through her skin.

Her mother looked on, obviously concerned but still utterly bewildered at her daughter's complete break down.

Caroline understood Celia's expression; her mother still didn't understand what she could possibly see in another woman. And for the first time it genuinely didn't bother the blonde at all - her mother's disapproval completely failed to register on her list of priorities.

It was Alan, fortunately, who was there to put an arm comfortingly around her shoulders and lead her to a seat.

"Come on," he murmured soothingly, "It's going to be alright, lass."

Caroline removed her head from her hands and fixed him with desperate, watery eyes.

"How can you possibly know that? She might die! And I never told her that I was sorry, that I was a complete bloody idiot!"

Alan pulled her closer in an attempt to calm her, "Don't worry about all that now, you will have plenty of time to put everything right."

XXXXX

As the doctors fought to save the life of the woman she loved, Caroline's own existence came to a complete standstill. The minutes crept past, both agonisingly slow and at the same time almost completely irrelevant to the blonde, who felt as though she existed only inside this endless frozen bubble, in this one hospital corridor.

Her whole body was tense as she perched on a plastic chair, every nerve heightened and every muscle taut. She was vaguely aware of people trying to talk to her, trying to reach her; even passing her tepid cups of tea and then removing them from her grasp when they turned stone cold in her immobile hands.

She was barely keeping blind panic at bay. She could not lose Kate. It was absolutely not an option. Back when they had been separated, Kate continuing her life away from Caroline had been the most horrific thing imaginable.

But it was at least imaginable.

Caroline felt mirth rise inside her; she would give anything to go back to that misery now.

Instead, fate had chosen to kick the shit out of her again, giving her something worse than she could have believed possible.

Caroline could live her life without Kate, admittedly probably miserable and bitter, but if she knew that Kate was somewhere living, breathing, even moving on from her, then she could keep going herself.

But for Kate to be dead - for someone so kind, wonderful and full of life, to just die. Well, Caroline was not sure she could live in that world.

These thoughts swirled around her head, breaking through the blankness that filled most of the time they spent waiting for news. Her mother and Alan never left her side, but Caroline had never felt so completely alone.

The only way to deal with the pure terror was not to feel anything at all, until she knew that she had to. So she sat in a world of silence and numbness until she found out whether the one person who understood her, completed her, would return to her.

After minutes, hours, days - Caroline was really not sure how much time had passed - the surgery doors swung open and footsteps made their way towards her.

She only noticed someone blocking her view when a pair of legs in green scrubs came to a halt directly in front of where she was staring blankly across the corridor.

The blonde jumped to her feet, spilling cold tea as she stood. Her panicked blue eyes searched the impassive face for any sign of an answer that she was both desperate to receive and absolutely dreading. Her heart hammered in her ears and she felt as though she might be sick at any second.

The doctor put a hand out to steady her, "Your partner has undergone major surgery and there were some complications."

Caroline felt her world begin to collapse, tears spilled from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

"But," the doctor continued, looking at her piercingly to make sure that he was getting through, "she has survived. She lost a lot of blood and we had to restart her heart twice, so she is by no means out of the woods, but she is alive. It will be a long road to recovery, if we get that far. The next 24 hours will be crucial."

Relief washed over Caroline. Kate was alive. For the moment at least, Kate was alive, and by extension Caroline felt as though she could bear to live. All the rest they would deal with as it came, but right now they had been granted a reprieve.

Celia's voice came from somewhere to Caroline's left, making the blonde jump slightly. She had forgotten that other people inhabited the cold and sterile little world she had slipped into.

"And the baby, doctor?" she heard her mother ask.

Caroline glanced at Celia and then urgently back at the doctor. Another wave of fear overwhelmed her; please, please don't let Kate lose her baby. It would be so unfair to have a child snatched away from a mother who wanted her so badly.

The doctor's expression cleared somewhat and he gave a small smile, "We had to perform an emergency C-section, but she's fine. The midwives took her away to be cleaned up and checked over, but you can visit her soon."

He smiled at Caroline, "Congratulations."

Relief swept over Caroline at the news, but she did not allow herself to feel any joy.

The blonde had outlined her concerns about Kate's baby in that fateful conversation weeks ago, and right now she was glad that she had - Caroline simply didn't feel like the child's mother. She wanted the baby to be safe, of course, but her sole concern was the beautiful brunette whose life still hung so tenuously in the balance.

Noting the happiness spreading across Celia's face, Caroline felt a sudden and overwhelming surge of anger. It was completely typical of her mother to feel better knowing that the baby would be okay. She had never had any time for Kate, and Caroline still might lose her.

"Kate - when can I see her?"

The words escaped Caroline before she knew she had wanted to ask them, her voice so raspy that it sounded alien, even to her own ears.

The doctor smiled gently, "You can see her right away, but she is unconscious and very poorly, so you mustn't expect too much."

Caroline swallowed hard and nodded her head once in acknowledgement.