[AUTHOR'S NOTE: This fanfic was written as a Secret Santa gift for Jaylop91 from the Loud House Wiki. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, Jay!]
It was another industrious day of summer for Phineas and Ferb. The project they chose for this day was erecting a fifty-foot-tall mirror in their backyard. Why? So that they'd be able to tell if anyone walking by their house was a vampire, of course. They had spent the previous night staying up late to watch a vampire movie they were far too young for, so they devised this project to find out if there were any "daywalkers" among them in the neighborhood. Perry, in usual form, left the two boys to their shenanigans and snuck away to his underground base, to answer an urgent call from Major Monogram.
He trotted up to the main computer, turned it on, and was greeted by Major Monogram's mustachioed face on the monitor.
"You're right on time, Agent P," said Monogram. "Our field agents recently found out that Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been receiving massive shipments of..."
Monogram leaned in and narrowed his eyes at the platypus. "...pumpkins."
Perry, who was expecting something a bit more menacing, just cocked an eyebrow at his boss.
"Pumpkins won't be in season for another three months, at least. Something's definitely afoot. Can you check it out?"
Not one to turn down an opportunity to clash with Doofenshmirtz, Perry gave his employer a nod, strapped on his jetpack and took off towards Doofenshmirtz's base. As he drew closer and closer, he found that the field agents weren't lying; he picked up a pungent pumpkin aroma wafting from the lair, which was almost intoxicating. At one point, Agent P found himself drifting off aimlessly, as the smell put him in a blissful daze. Fortunately, it only lasted for a few fleeting moments before he reminded himself of the mission at hand.
He touched down on the base's patio, shut off his jetpack and walked inside, to find his nemesis tinkering away at a large, neon-orange ray gun with a leafy green trigger. Doofenshmirtz, having come to recognize the sound of platypus flippers clicking against his marble floor, stopped what he was doing and turned around.
"Perry the Platypus! How nice of you to drop by!"
Before Perry could make a move, he grabbed a remote out of his lab coat and pressed a button, activating dozens of red lasers from around the room. The lasers converged on Perry's location, trapping him inside a small grid - a makeshift cage. Curious, he hovered his paw towards one of the lasers.
"Careful, Perry!" gloated Doofenshmirtz. "That might be a heat ray that'll burn your skin clean off!"
Might be? Perry gave him a peculiar look.
"Or it could just be a harmless beam of red light. Who knows? If you want to take that chance, be my guest. I know I wouldn't."
Perry growled and reluctantly withdrew his paw.
"Wise decision," said Doofenshmirtz. "Now, with that out of the way, BEHOLD... THE PUMPKIN SPICE-INATOR!"
He stepped forward and gestured at the apparatus he was working on a moment before.
"Have you ever noticed that every fall, everyone goes pumpkin spice crazy? There's pumpkin spice coffee, pumpkin spice tea, pumpkin spice donuts, pumpkin spice butter, pumpkin spice vodka, pumpkin spice this, pumpkin spice that... and the worst part is that you can't even argue with them. I mean, have you ever had a pumpkin spice latte? It's delicious! It's a piping hot pumpkin-flavored milkshake you can drink in the middle of the day!"
As he talked, he grabbed the device and started pushing it outside the lab and onto the patio.
"But that only happens in the fall, when pumpkins are in season. Imagine the power you'd wield if you could bring the unforgettable taste of pumpkin spice into the summer? And that's exactly what this -inator does. With just one zap, it infuses its target with pumpkin spice flavoring!
"Now, I know what you're thinking; isn't that just a bottle of pumpkin spice seasoning with extra steps? But you see, Perry the Platypus, my Pumpkin Spice-inator doesn't just work on food. It works on everything! Buildings, benches, trees, taxi cabs, people, puppy dogs, lawn ornaments, and yes, even platypuses!...wait, is it 'platypuses' or 'platypi'? Eh, doesn't matter.
"The point is, this will be my key to taking over the Tri-State Area! I could zap a building, and compel everyone in the area to surround it and gnaw on its walls! Or I could zap the mayor and have everyone around him cannibalize him! Or I could zap my latest batch of blueberry muffins and turn them into pumpkin blueberry muffins! The possibilities are endless!"
He then grabbed the apparatus by the handle and aimed it downward towards Danville, peering through the attached scope and zooming in on one of the streets in the industrial district. "Allow me to demonstrate its power by targeting... hmm... that lamppost!"
And with a squeeze of the trigger, the Pumpkin Spice-Inator fired an orange laser down towards the sprawling cityscape, directly hitting the lamppost. As the aroma wafted across the block, dozens of townsfolk were drawn to the lamppost like moths to a flame.
"Pumpkin..." they murmured, gathering around to lick and gnaw on the post.
Doofenshmirtz then triumphantly swerved back towards his nemesis. "You see, Perry? Nobody can resist the aroma of pumpkin spice! And for my next trick, I will... um..."
It was then that he noticed that Perry was just staring at him blankly.
"Oh, right. I guess it doesn't feel as impressive if you can't actually see what's happening. But it worked, you can trust me on that!"
Regaining his smile, he turned back to the device and took the controls. "And just to prove it, I'm going to make the next target my goody two-shoes brother - who just happens to have a press conference scheduled for today!"
He furrowed his brow as he scanned the device's crosshairs across the cityscape. "Now, if only I could find him. Where did he say he was giving the conference, again? No, he's not at City Hall..."
Perry's mind raced, knowing full well that if he didn't act soon, Roger Doofenshmirtz would be met with a rather grisly fate. He hovered his paw towards the laser grid, wishing there was a way to verify its deadliness without putting himself on the line. He instinctively patted around his waist, only to remember that he wasn't wearing pants. No pants, no pockets.
Such was the burden of fighting crime naked. In exchange for freedom, he had to confront Doofenshmirtz with nothing but his wit, his guile...
...and his hat.
Bingo.
Agent P grabbed his signature fedora and swiped it through one of the lasers. To his relief, it had absolutely no effect. Just to double check, he held it in the laser's path for about five seconds. Still nothing.
With a renewed sense of confidence, he leaped out of the harmless laser cage and sprinted towards the Pumpkin Spice-Inator - just as Doofenshmirtz was about to fire it off.
"Aha! Found him!" he cried. "Prepare to get pumped full of - HEY!"
Just as he pulled the trigger, Perry jumped into the air and hit the barrel of the gun with a flying kick, sending the laser way off course. The beam rocketed towards the Danville suburbs - coincidentally, right into the neighborhood where the Flynns and Fletchers reside. Doofenshmirtz watched in horror as the beam ricocheted off of Phineas and Ferb's giant mirror and was sent hurtling right back towards his lair, and then proceeded to bounce around the inside of the room. Thinking fast, Agent P grabbed Doofenshmirtz by the arm and flung him into the lab - right into the path of the neon orange beam. Before the doctor could pick himself back up, the beam smacked him in the face.
After being floored, he raised his arm to his face, took a whiff, and smiled.
"Oh, God, that smells good. Pumpkin's just one of those scents I'll never get tired of. Don't you agree, Perry?"
Perry did, in fact, agree. Unfortunately, so did Norm - who, up to this point, was peacefully resting in the corner. His metallic eyes flashed open, and he started clomping towards the doctor with his arms outstretched.
"My word! Is that pumpkin I smell? In July? This is just too good to be true!"
Doofenshmirtz's smile disappeared as soon as he heard the clang of Norm's footsteps. By the time he turned around, the deceptively agile robot was already upon him.
"What?! No! Norm, get away from me! NORM!"
But his words fell on deaf ears, as Norm grabbed him, lifted him up and started smashing him against his face.
"Darn it. I wish I had a mouth. Or taste buds."
With his nemesis indisposed, Perry ran back towards the Pumpkin Spice-Inator and shoved it off the edge of the patio and into the ocean. There was one last thing he heard before he flipped on his jetpack and rocketed away:
"CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"