A/N References to Miscarriage

"I'm sorry for your loss"

The words bounced around the room but they had never felt so empty or so unwanted. The tears began to fall even though she felt numb inside, the loss of yet another baby, a baby that she wanted this time from the off. She glanced to Adam who smiled sympathetically at her unable to comprehend the situation either. The midwife was talking to her and she wasn't listening she felt as if her whole world had been ripped out from underneath like she was falling through the sky but the thing which struck her yet again was the fact Peter wasn't here with her. They took her down to have a procedure and soon after she was brought back up to the room.

"Adam?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you try to get hold of Peter?" she sniffles wiping her eyes, Adam nods getting out his phone

"Hello? Oh…Hi Johnny what are you doing on Peter's phone?... Oh you're joking?!...I'll get there as soon as I can…yeah bye"

"What's going on?"

"Peter in accident and emergency" he whispers, Carla rubs her forehead gently unable to deal with this right now "He was unconscious in the bar with a bottle of whiskey"

"Yeah well…he should be here" she whispers sliding off the bed and grabbing her phone, she calls Maria "Hi Sarah…yeah I know it's early but I don't suppose you could do me a favour?...yeah I need you to come to the hospital with a spare pair of clothes for me…yeah I was pregnant I just had a miscarriage…please can you just get the clothes for me…thank you sorry for biting your head off… yeah maternity…see you soon bye"

"Maybe I should go?" he questions, Carla bites her lip and nods slowly "How about I go and see Peter for you?"

"No" she shakes her head "No…just…I'll see him once I've got dressed…I have to be the one who tells him"

"Ok well, take care yeah?" he confirms, she nods slowly watching him leave the room, she bites her lip to stop it from trembling as well as feeling completely and utterly useless, she just wanted Peter to hold her and make sure that she was ok but the fact it ended the same way as before, him going out drinking granted this time he wasn't seeing a mistress but it still hurt, she sat with her thoughts for a bit until Sarah entered the room

"Hey" Sarah whispers sitting down at the seat which was available "Oh darlin', I'm so sorry"

"Don't" she shakes her head biting her lip and taking the clothes "Peter's in accident and emergency he was drinking"

"Yeah I know I saw Johnny and Jenny put him into the car," she says, Carla sighs sliding out of bed "Oh here's a bag for you"

"Yeah thanks" she nods pulling the curtains across and getting changed "I need to go and see Peter"

"I don't think that's a good idea, Carla, you've just had a miscarriage darlin' you should be resting and grieving"

"No time to grieve" she states grabbing her bag and shoving the dirty clothes into it and slinging it onto her shoulder "Now I need to get to accident and emergency"

"Carla wait!" Sarah calls but it was too late she was gone which caused Sarah to sigh slightly knowing this wouldn't be good for her friend

Carla raced to accident and emergency, she saw Johnny and Jenny waiting there causing her to smile, they brought her in for a hug and held her slightly all whilst she tried to compose herself, push her miscarriage to the back of her mind, paint on a smile and put on that facade. She was then taken in to see Peter who was lying on one of the beds with a heart rate monitor attached to him, she sat down at the side and watched him sleep peacefully until he worked in a state of confusion.

"Hey…hey" she whispers taking his hand, he frowns "You're in the hospital baby"

"What…"

"You had quite a bit to drink so Johnny and Jenny brought you here"

"Oh yeah" he mumbles tiredly, she sighs kissing him on the forehead "The things I said, I didn't mean them Carla, please you know that don't you, I just wanted you out the way-"

"So you could have another drink, I know" she murmurs slightly glancing to her lap "I know that now"

"I'm so sorry" he apologises, she smiles slightly "Where did you go?"

"Um the hotel" she replies vaguely, Peter nods taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze "Yeah it didn't go too well…"

"I'm so sorry, I want to be a father to this baby, I want to get better" he apologises, she nods slowly watching him close his eyes, it was obvious that he was exhausted and that he felt sick

"You get some rest yeah?" Carla smiles slightly even though she felt guilty for not telling him but she couldn't even comprehend it herself, he was already asleep allowing her to leave the room briefly she rests against the wall and sighs tearfully at the whole thing wishing that everything was different once more...

Peter was finally allowed home, they shared Johnny's car and they got in and home, she took him upstairs and wanted to make him feel better by allowing him to have a rest as well as giving him some pills the doctors gave him to make him feel a bit better. She went down and made herself a brew ignoring all the messages from Adam and Sarah right now as well as doing all of this for a way of distracting her thoughts of grief. She laid beside him and he pulled her into his body and she bit her lip trying to control her tears, the tears of grief and the tears of hurt both from the words he said to her the day before and the way she lost their baby.

"I love you," he says, she gulps and breathes out "I love you so much Carla, I do I know I said all those things to you and you can barely look at me in the eye because of them, I'm so sorry I know it probably feels like an empty word"

"I know you're sorry" she whispers shakily, he turns her around in his arms and cups her cheek wiping her tears "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

"What do you have to be sorry about eh?" he nudges her nose with his causing her to cry even more "Carla?"

"Please don't hate me" she responds sadly glancing down to where her hands were flat on his chest, he sits up and frowns at her

"Did something happen at the hotel?"

"Yes" she whispers, he shakes his head "It's not what you think"

"You slept with someone didn't you?" he questions jumping out of bed and pacing the room thoughtfully "You had the room booked and you had a guy in there didn't you?"

"What? No, if you just listen to me-"

"No Carla I know you remember"

"Well you obviously don't"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh you know what Peter, I don't know anymore, you don't speak to me"

"You're the one who's not telling me the truth, who was he then? Some poncey businessman, I bet he has less baggage than me then I bet you want him to be the father to our baby don't you?"

"What, Peter you're taking this way too far and out of proportion!" she exclaims, Peter just tuts "Do you want to know where I was when you were getting smashed when you said all of those hurtful things to me? Hey? Because trust me you couldn't be further off"

"Go on then enlighten me"

"I was at the hospital losing our baby, our son" she states angrily, the tears streaming down her face, Peter just stares at her rather blankly which just irritated her further "But as you think so little of me, what's the point eh? I guess I'm just useless arent I? Unable to carry a child…just useless"

"Carla-"

"No you listen to me!" she shrieks knowing that the grief was taking over her body a tremendous amount, "You said some hurtful things, I was so stressed yet again and I lost our baby, my baby another part of me, I'm ruined now Peter, you were right weren't you hey? Carla, she's a wreck, mentally disturbed and utterly repulsed by herself, why did you save me Peter ey? You should have let me jump off that fire escape and plummet face-first into the cobbles below. I'll tell you something Peter when I was losing our baby where were you? Out like a light sky high on a bottle of whiskey just like you were when you were with Tina, except you had a choice to see our baby then and you chose her, her! I remember when I first came back here you know and they warned me, 'Chelle, she warned me not to get back with him he would only hurt you and now look where we are? You hurt me, hurt me so much that it was hurt piled on top of hurt and I'll tell you, Peter Barlow, I am so sad and angry right now that…just get out of my sights"

"Carla, you-"

"Yes! I lost our baby!" she shouts pulling at her hair taking great gasps of breaths, he falls to the floor his back rested against the wall "Not that it matters now! He's gone!"

"Carla"

"I don't want to talk about it" she storms out the room slamming the door in anger, she knew some of the things she said would hurt him and she knew what she was trying to do and that was to get him back for all he said to her the day prior so he could feel the hurt of what it was like for her having her baby torn from her womb so he could grasp some sort of understanding into her mind, the only problem is it wouldn't even be close to the way she was feeling…

She went to Underworld, the only way she would be able to distract her thoughts would be to work, she entered the building and Sarah raised an eyebrow over her appearance, she was hardly dressed for work as her hair was scraped back in a ponytail and she was wearing a pair of old joggers and an old hoody with her bag slung over her shoulder. Sarah didn't know what to say when she witnessed her sit down at the desk so she just continued to work not wanting to annoy her in any way.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Sarah offers, Carla shakes her head "Maybe you should go home?"

"No" she shakes her head again returning to staring at the screen, she rummages through the desk drawer and pulls out a pair of baby booties which she was going to put in the pregnancy reveal box but there wasn't room; her fingers were stroking the soft material gently

"I remember when I lost my baby" Sarah sighs, Carla looks up and frowns "I felt like the world was caving in on me as if the world shouldn't be allowed to continue around me, I remember when it happened he was only a few days old so innocent on that incubator but you question don't you? How would life be if they were still here, Bethany would have another younger brother, its crazy to think about that sort of stuff I suppose"

"I told Peter" she whispers, Sarah takes her hand "We argued, he thought I was having it off with some guy at that conference"

"He didn't say that did he?"

"I guess he's allowed, he is one day sober and I didn't exactly stick up for myself, he knows i -"

"Yeah but you shouldn't have to"

"What am I supposed to do then, Sarah?" she chuckles slightly running her fingers over the material in her hands "Just leave him to his own devices so his liver packs in for good?"

"You need to take care of yourself; why don't you go and see Michelle for a bit?"

"No, that's not fair on him" she shakes her head "He needs to grieve for our baby, our son"

"It was a boy?" Sarah questions softly, Carla nods tearfully allowing the tears to fall "Oh darlin', I'm so sorry sweetheart this isn't your fault"

"Isn't it?" she laughs slightly "Granted maybe I should have just let him get on with it keep my life as stress-free as possible then maybe he would still be here, juts like his sister but the problem is that I love Peter so much, more than my heart can take it I cant just up and leave especially when he needs me-"

"You also need to help yourself otherwise you'll make yourself ill again"

"I know that" she softens slightly glancing to her phone "There's something I need to do"

"Ok" Sarah nods "Do you need me to come with you?"

"No just keep this place ticking over yeah?" Carla confirms, Sarah nods wanting to anything which will help "I'll be back soon"

"Alright well take care yeah?" Sarah smiles, Carla nods leaving the factory, she walks down Coronation Street then along Rosamund Street before approaching Roy's she glances to the community gardens and sees Peter sitting there with a bottle of whiskey in hand, she sighs and approaches him

"That's a start I suppose" she muses going to sit beside him, he undoes the lid "Best not eh?"

"Go Carla…please" he states, she shakes her head and takes the bottle of whiskey into her hands, she undoes the lid and takes a sip herself in a bid to provoke a reaction so she could say what she needed to say "Talk about kicking a man when he's down"

"Oh suck it up Peter" she exclaims placing the bottle in her bag "I want to help you, the amount of times I've asked you to speak to me over this whole pregnancy over the course of our relationship and what do you do bottle it up and look what its manifested into. You don't need to protect me, Peter, you don't need to do that yes I get that you want to but I don't need protecting, I'm well again and I don't want to be seen as a patient I really don't I want to be seen as me, as Carla Connor, not some psychotic mess whos got a number of screws loose"

"I didn't mean what I said-"

"You said the same thing about Jordan, about when you said I wasn't a mother about when you said I was crazy, they say that sometimes drink brings out the truth about what people really think about you, maybe those occasions were the truth-"

"They weren't"

"Weren't they?" she chuckles slightly shaking her head in utter annoyance "The stress was piling on Peter, all the little snipes and the comments added it on for me and look where we both ended up, two grieving hurt people. I don't think I can do this anymore, I don't know I've lost so much I just need time and I think you do too, we both need time apart to fix this to realise how much we love each other"

"Don't do this Carla, please, I love you"

"I love you too" she whispers tilting his face up to hers, she pecks him on the lips "But this isn't healthy"

"I'll change" he promises, she sighs and bites her lip "I promise"

"I've heard it before Peter, I don't know maybe this is the grief speaking and…"

"Let me make it up to you-"

"Peter I've just lost our baby, a part of me, don't you understand that I may just want to take time out and grieve for him…I don't want fancy gestures or you trying to make it up to me, not yet anyway. I love you but there has to be a point where I have to draw the line and right now I feel as if I'm getting to that point maybe give me time I don't know but…yeah I need to just take time out"

"Ok, whatever you need" he states pulling out his vape and twiddling with it in his fingers "So we're not over?"

"No" she shakes her head "We're still together but separated if that makes sense?"

"We could never do it simple eh?"

"No we couldn't" she chuckles, he smiles slightly and nods "Just don't do anything stupid yeah? I know it's a big ask but please for me, for our son, don't throw it all away"

"I won't" he smiles bringing her in for a hug "Grieve for our son, grieve for us"