She was scribbling numbers down on paper and making sure everything was perfect. She hadn't told anyone about the miscarriage apart from those who already knew she just didn't want to relive it and that was fine for her right now in time she knew she would be able to come to terms with it. She glanced to Sarah who smiled sympathetically at her but she soon diverted her gaze back onto her work which left Sarah internally worried for her friend she just wished Carla would take some time out and grieve.

"Hello" Nick enters the factory flopping down onto the seat there, Carla refuses to look up from her papers "Is she ok?"

"No but I can't get through to her" she shrugs, Nick raises an eyebrow "And before you start with the have I asked Peter I don't think it would be good as they've had a falling out"

"I am here you know?" Carla snaps peering up from her paper, Nick tells Sarah to leave which she does "What are you doing here anyway shouldn't you be at home with Leanne helping her grieve"

"She doesn't want me there"

"That's fair"

"Isn't it just" Nick sighs picking up and elastic band and stretching it between his fingers "You know what Leanne is like-"

"Stubborn, hot-headed…fiery, the list goes on…"

"Very similar to you come to think about it"

"Ha hilarious" Carla rolls her eyes organising her papers "How are you holding up anyway?" she softens slightly, he sighs and shakes his head

"Its been so difficult I love Leanne so much and seeing her lose a part of her, it hurts" Nick smiles slightly rubbing his forehead not really knowing how to feel about everything "I remember when she gave birth to him, it were her and Toyah trapped in the elevator and when they got to the hospital Peter and Toyah came with a gift bag anyway I saw the adoration everyone had for Oliver-"

"Even Peter?"

"Yeah, he held him and I would never tell him this mind you, it really suited him" Nick smiles as the tears smart Carla's eyes she couldn't stop then from falling "Oh...sorry...I didn't mean to upset you-"

"No, you didn't, its-"

"Oh Carla I'm so stupid especially as you lost his baby back then"

"And now" she whispers glancing down to her hand which were fiddling with the pen in them, sometimes she just wished that a hole would open up from the ground beneath her and she could fall into the abyss "Look I need to go and see Peter"

"Carla wait-"

"No just, I need to go," she says grabbing her back and roughly putting her jacket on, she runs out o the factory and Adam clocks her from across the road

"Carla!"

"Adam...look have you seen Peter"

"No, shouldn't you be at home resting?" he questions placing a hand on her arm, she shakes her head biting her lip, he notices that she had been crying "Have you been crying?"

"No" she sniffles fiddling with the strap of her bag causing Adam to sigh and bring her in for a hug "It's so hard Adam, so hard, I need to speak to Peter"

"Not in this state" Adam smiles slightly "Come on, come back to the solicitors with me, Imran's out at the hospital so it will just be me and you"

"I would love to but-"

"No buts, come on you need to rest" he tilts his head to the side, she laments and nods walking off into the distance with Adam

Carla and Adam talked for a while, she was opening up to him about things she should be opening up to Peter about which made her feel slightly uneasy about herself. Eventually, she left on her hunt to find Peter, Adam tried to get her to stay but his attempts proved very much fruitless as she was determined, mind you, he had learnt by now that Carla was a very determined woman so he let her go to fine her partner if that was what she needed.

Searching high and low for Peter, checking the pub, checking Kens, even checking StreetCars she didn't find him and it left her exhausted so she decided to call it a day and head home as there was nothing else she could do. She went upstairs and got dressed into her pyjamas and then got into bed, she stretched her arm out to grab the ultrasound picture which was on the bedside table on Peter's side of the bed; it always made her smile when he kept the photo there, it didn't take long for the tears to fall though as she traced her finger around the profile of her late son now joining his sister in heaven. She had to question whether she was tainted whether there was someone up there taking all the good things away from her, she was rarely ever philosophical but it felt justified in this instance of her life. Maybe just maybe all the things she had done, covering up the death of Kasia, to pushing Paul away from her and having a clinical marriage resulting in his death and then to pushing Tony to murder Liam because she loved him and hadn't felt love like that throughout her life until she met Peter after Liam passed. Then there was Frank, Peter hurting her, herself hurting Nick, then Aidan, there was just too much for her to understand in her head and the more she thought about the current situation the more she realised how this was just another one of those things. Another one of those things, she scoffed, life should be simple especially now she's older, potentially wiser, she should have settled down ages ago but her life is still crazy, treacherous and deceitful even though it may not be her making it like that; no wonder her son didn't survive.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away" she sings gently to the picture in her hands, what she didn't know was that Peter was listening on the other side of the door which he opens gingerly

"I'm sorry" he enters the room, she looks up and jumps out of bed to hug him, he wraps his arms around her and she ignores the stench of whisky his body emitted "I'm so sorry"

"You've been drinking" she whispers against his chest as they both cry, she swipes at her eyes trying to control the fluid pouring from them

"I couldn't stop" he crumbles onto the floor, she sits on the bed and cries into her hands, he eventually gets up and sits beside her which makes her clamber onto his lap and sit on it, he lays back with her in his arms as they both cry

"Why?"

"I failed you both, I wasn't there to see our baby, again, I will never ever forgive myself and all those things I said which contributed to the stress, I can't live my life and not feel guilty ever again"

"I hate myself Peter" she admits, he closes his eyes and lets out a sigh "Two babies I've lost down to the same thing, I never learn, do? I should have run whilst pregnant, ran away go somewhere where there was no stress, living without being scrutinised by those around me, then came back and raised my baby here with his family but I didn't think-"

"You had no right to think, how were you meant to know this would happen?"

"I had a gut feeling it would" she states "A miscarriage, I never really got my head around it before you know, I never really understood why I just guessed it was because I didn't want her to start off with maybe someone up there was punishing me because I didn't want her to start off with but this time I wanted him, I wanted him so bad I was so scared when I saw those two lines I kept it to myself as you know, maybe I should have just kept it to myself and ran away but I couldn't do that, not to you, yeah it took me ages to own up to the fact I was pregnant to you but I was so scared of doing it my own and doing it wrong but with you, I felt safe as if I could do this with you because you made me feel safe. More a fool me"

"Don't blame yourself" he states, she scoffs slightly sitting up and grabbing the ultrasound picture which was once a pristine piece of paper but now the corners were curling inwards as she continued to fiddle with it "Blame me"

"So you can go and drink yourself into oblivion, no thanks" she states shaking her head, he sighs slightly sitting up "It's life, isn't it? You just have to move on"

"Move on?" he questions incredulously "Our baby's dead no doubt down to me but we just have to move on"

"Yes!" she exclaims "I need to move on, I will always love our babies, our daughter, our son, I will love them until the day I die...maybe it was for the best, we're hardly stable, as you said, you can't stop drinking and I can't stop being unstable, that baby had no chance, no child of ours will have a chance!"

"Don't say that you know I didn't mean it-"

"Well, words still hurt Peter! They hurt!"

"I know and I'm sorry I just wanted to have another drink-"

"I would be happy if I never saw you again" she snaps, she watches as the tears fill his eyes "I would be happy if you died, I would be so happy because then this unbreakable love we have for each other will be gone because I won't be able to have it again, you would be gone and the pain will be gone and that is something I crave right now to experience happiness in my life because this situation is far from happy!"

"You know what you're right" he states grabbing his jacket, she revels in the pain she made him feel, the pain she felt just before she lost her son "You're better off without me"

"Damn right I am!" she shouts watching him leave the room, she sits down on the bed and mutters to herself, "At least you know what it feels like now"