daylight

by sparklylulz

"Don't worry," She said with a soft smile, "I feel it, too." It was Ben Solo's turn to raise a confused eyebrow at her. "The loneliness of abandonment," She said gently. "It never really goes away." Or: the modern AU fake dating fic

1. Chapter 1

"My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in-everyone looked worse in the light.
There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven;
I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye."

---

The sheen of fresh rain glittered under the streetlamps as Rey made her way along the familiar path, stepping up her usual pace to ensure she wouldn't be late for a second time in as many days. This was her favorite time to be out in the city - traffic wasn't bumper to bumper, there were no horns or rush-hour power walkers. It was just her and the early morning fog lying in wait for the world to wake up to another sunrise.

Her headphones rested comfortably over her ears. She chuckled at the memory of Finn's incredulity the first time he had seen her come into the shop in the dawn light, sliding her headphones down around her neck.

"Don't you know it's dangerous to go walking around with noise-canceling headphones at this hour?" He had asked, not even bothering to introduce himself to the newest hire at the little bakeshop.

"Don't you know it's rude to insinuate I can't handle myself just because I wear headphones on my way to work?" Rey retorted, thinking that if this man knew all the things she had seen - all the streets she had lived on - he would understand that being afraid of her walk to this bakery in a sleepy neighborhood was laughable.

Finn had stared hard at her, sizing up this new girl with her foreign accent and strange cascade of buns. He noticed the backpack slung over her shoulder and the long staff trailing from behind her.

"Is-Is that a staff ?" Finn asked with laughter at the edges of his tone.

"Like I said, I can handle myself," Rey replied, her tone defiant, and she watched his expression shift from wary to welcoming.

"Anyone who carries around a staff to deter attackers is alright in my book," He grinned. "I'm Finn. You must be the new girl Rose was telling me about."

Rey would never forget Finn's eyes that morning, soft and sincere, filled a genuine kindness that felt so rare from strangers. The apron around his neck was clean, and his fingers were warm when she had reached out to take the extended handshake he offered.

"I'm Rey," She smiled in return.

Her first day had been nearly a year and a half ago, but Finn still shook his head every morning when she entered the door, her backpack, staff, and headphones all in their same places. Now it was familiar, the smell of the shop at 5:30 a.m., and the stillness of the air before their regulars filed in to start the morning.

The bakeshop was deceptively small at a glance from the street. Nestled within an old building, the length of the shop ran deep - with an upstairs sitting area for local students or anyone looking for free WiFi. There was a lived-in feeling to the atmosphere, and it was easy to see how this little place had gained such a large following amongst local university students, as well as faculty and staff members.

The morning crew consisted of Finn and Rose in the bakery, with Rey managing the coffee bar and register. Rey had applied for this job for two reasons; firstly, she was a broke student trying to complete her post-graduate degree and her stipend wasn't making ends meet; and secondly, the bakery was a five-minute walk from her building on campus.

"Gooood morning," She said in a sing-song voice, entering the shop and placing her belongings in their usual spot behind the counter.

"Is it, though?" Rose mumbled, reaching for a baking sheet in the counter display.

"Ignore her, she was out partying last night," Finn grinned to Rey, a bag of flour flung over his shoulder. He raised his voice and turned toward Rose. "That's what you get for hanging out with the second-year med students."

"What!?" Rey said incredulously, turning on her friend and rolling her eyes. "I thought you and Klaud were done!"

Rose looked a little sheepish as she slid the glass panel into place and turned to face her friends, "We are. I went to hang out with Paige."

"Mmhmm," Finn said from his position in the kitchen. "And that's why you're wearing heels this morning to work? Not because you had to do the walk of shame at 5 a.m.?"

Rey burst out laughing as Rose turned toward Finn, but before Rose could light into him properly, the bell over the door jangled to alert them to their first customer of the morning. Jess looked just as tired as ever as she made her way to the counter.

"Coffee, for the love of God, give me coffee," Jess said, brandishing her debit card at Rey, who was still chuckling. Jess gave a mock-disgusted expression, "There is nothing on earth funny enough to laugh about before 6 a.m."

"Bad shift?" Rey sympathized as she set about brewing Jess' normal latte.

"Dr. Solo kept us in the lab all night. I swear to God, I have aged five years this semester alone," She prodded her reflection in the napkin dispenser. "I think he must be a vampire. He never seems to sleep or go home. I assume he just hangs upside down in his office, draining the blood from unlucky first-year students who come in unannounced."

Rey had, of course, heard Jess complain about her PI before. It was becoming a morning routine at this point. Jess always seemed to pull the graveyard shift in the lab, which Rey felt was categorically unfair. If she had to work all night and then still try to manage her course load, she'd certainly complain as much as Jess.

"Well at least it's just a few days until Christmas break," Rey smiled, handing the hot to-go cup to Jess, who took it gratefully and even managed to crack a smile. They didn't get a chance to say goodbye, as more of the morning regulars began to filter in the door.

Rey rather loved her job - the repetitiveness of making coffee, the routine of the same customers, the feeling like she belonged somewhere. She had never really had friends before Finn and Rose, seeing as she spent most of her life moving around England before scrounging up enough money to get to America and her dream graduate program. It was nice, even at the time of year that most reminded her of how alone she was, to not feel so lonely.

"Oh, God. It's Dr. Dameron," Finn hissed, a little breathlessly, and Rey looked up from the espresso machine to follow Finn's gaze out of the large window wrapping around the edge of the bakery. Sure enough, the attractive outline of Finn's crush was making his way to the door, and as always, showing up after the early morning rush.

"Finn, he comes in every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday," Rey said, exasperated by her best friend's drama. "I would think you'd be used to it by now."

"As if I could ever get used to seeing Adonis walking amongst mere mortal men," Finn sighed, leaning on the counter and pretending he wasn't watching Dr. Dameron enter the queue.

Dr. Dameron was one of the professors in Rey's department, but she had never been his student. His tendency to teach esoteric subject matter almost exclusively for dissertation capstone research courses meant there was no intersection with her own trajectory. Still, she had met him in the halls on many occasions, and she served him coffee three times a week, much to Finn's delight.

"Good morning, Dr. Dameron," Rey smiled. "Same as usual?"

"Rey, please call me Poe, I am begging you," He said, face scrunched up with distaste. "Every time someone calls me 'Dr. Dameron', I am one step closer to turning into my father."

It was familiar, this comedy routine, as Rey could never see herself being comfortable with calling a professor in her department by his first name. Instead, she just rolled her eyes and grabbed a large to-go cup, scribbling 'Dr. Dameron' on it in defiance.

"Finn, how's your capstone coming?" Dr. Dameron asked easily, leaning against the counter as Rey reached to grab his usual cranberry-orange scone.

She had to give Finn props, he never let a smidge of nerves tinge his conversations with Dr. Dameron. He was equally relaxed in his response, "Oh, you know how programming is - we all want to be the next breakthrough in AI, but instead just end up with broken code over and over again."

"Ah well, that's the glamor of academia for you," Dr. Dameron grinned, his handsome eyes dancing mischievously in the mid-morning light. "We all seem to spend more time disproving things than proving them."

"Well, at least we don't have to spend all our time with rats," Rose said from around the door to the kitchen. She shuddered at the thought. Rose wasn't cut out for dealing with any kind of rodent, as Rey had learned the hard way once.

"No, you just spend your time trying to diagnose us with whatever disorder you're studying that week," Finn called over his shoulder and rolled his eyes, and Dr. Dameron gave a chuckle, which Rey was sure Finn wouldn't shut up about for weeks once the older man left.

In glancing up to the clock, Rey gave a start. "Shit!" She exclaimed, looking around at Finn and Dr. Dameron. "Where is Kaydel? My class starts in ten minutes."

As if her prayer was being answered, Kaydel came through the door in a rush, her hair half-pulled back, looking like she had sprinted to the bakery. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold, and she slid behind the counter, flung her apron on, and turned to greet everyone watching her with mild amusement.

"You guys wouldn't believe the morning I've had— my landlady and her pet raccoon were—"

But Rey couldn't stay for the end of another one of Kaydel's wacky stories. She pulled her backpack from behind the counter, waved goodbye to Finn, Dr. Dameron, Rose, and Kaydel, and rushed out the door to head for her building.

The rain was quickly turning into sleet, and as she rounded the nearest corner, she fumbled in her bag for her umbrella. Unfortunately, she collided with a very firm something and was sent spiraling down to the concrete sidewalk with a ladylike, "Umph. "

Looking up, Rey realized it wasn't a something but rather someone she had collided with on the sidewalk. Clothed in a black wool coat, hands covered in black leather gloves, with a black umbrella held aloft, this man seemed to scream Byronic. He stared down at her, an unconventional handsomeness etched into his features. His long black hair was slightly damp, as though he had been caught in the rain before he could open his umbrella. She came back to her senses and realized the wet from the sidewalk was seeping through her tights and pulled herself to her feet, bending to retrieve her umbrella.

"Uh, sorry about that," She said awkwardly, privately thinking how rude it was to not even offer a hand to help someone up off the ground.

"I suppose it is hard to pay attention to where you're walking when you don't bother to prepare your umbrella before charging headlong into oncoming foot traffic," was the dry response from the stranger. Considering he hadn't tried to avoid colliding with her, she felt his remarks to be unnecessarily rude.

Rey set her shoulders and hardened her gaze, "And I suppose it's hard to accept an apology with grace when you're an arsehole."

She didn't bother to wait for his reaction - she was late as it was - and instead thrust her umbrella above her now wet head and charged off toward her building on campus. Even after entering her classroom, she sat fuming about the pompous prick outside the bakeshop. It was her last class until the new year, and it took a few moments for her to realize Dr. Holdo was speaking directly to her.

"Something on your mind, Rey?" She asked, a slight twinkle in her eye as Rey jumped at the sound of her own name.

"Lord Byron, actually," Rey said after a moment's pause. "'Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; men love in haste but they detest at leisure.'"

Dr. Holdo chuckled, "Well, at least if you're daydreaming in class, it is literature-related. Now, as I was saying, I've read over your proposals and am impressed with the diversity of topics from this cohort."

When she had first begun her post-graduate work, Rey had found great comfort in Dr. Holdo as a mentor. Though she was a good student, Rey always struggled with feeling like an imposter in this world of higher education. Most of her classmates came from wealthy families or were extremely competitive high achievers, who regarded their peers with wary distrust. Being wholly unprepared for the cutthroat nature of her Ph.D. program, Rey had taken to Dr. Holdo, with her purple hair and "I won't take any shit" attitude, almost instantly.

As the class was dismissed, Dr. Holdo called out to ask Rey to step into her office. Obliging, Rey entered the familiar space, filled with wall-to-wall bookshelves. Dr. Holdo gestured for Rey to sit across from her large oak desk. On the corner of the desk sat a picture of Dr. Holdo and her wife, their twin boys sandwiched between them. It made Rey's heartache to stare at the image, so she turned to her mentor with an expectant look.

"Rey, I wanted to speak with you before we dismissed for the break about your prospectus," Dr. Holdo smiled, relaxing into her desk chair with ease. "Your study of orphans through the lens of 19th-century literature is very inspired, especially with the connections you draw regarding Frankenstein ."

Rey flushed, feeling as she always did, slightly embarrassed that she was being given any amount of praise at all, so she responded awkwardly with, "Oh, uh, thank you."

"Really, Rey. Your intuitive understanding of thematic connections and unique perspectives is very refreshing for an old professor such as myself," and Rey smirked a little, seeing as Dr. Holdo couldn't be older than 50. "I asked you to stay behind to let you know that I have a teaching assistant position opening in the spring, and I would like to offer it to you."

Rey was dumbfounded. She felt her mouth open slightly and color rush to her cheeks.

"Oh, Dr. Holdo… I don't know if-" But Dr. Holdo cut her off with a tut.

"Rey. It's time you started to think about your future. You're a gifted student and classroom leader. I think you have great promise as a professor, and this would give you a foot in the door. Do you really want to be serving coffee for the rest of your life?" Dr. Holdo's expression was kind but firm in its challenge to Rey. "It's time you started believing in yourself."

Rey blinked, thinking how ridiculous it would be to cry at that moment. She had never really allowed herself to think about the future. Her life had always been one step at a time; just to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Could she allow herself the hope of getting what she wanted?

"Dr. Dameron agrees with me, and you would be assisting us both," Dr. Holdo said, apparently not entertaining for a second that Rey might turn down the offer. "The pay isn't great, but I'm sure you would make more than you do at the bakery."

The shop. Rey couldn't just leave the shop.

"You'd be working around 20 hours a week, maybe more around finals, if we need you, so you can always keep some hours at your other job," Dr. Holdo continued as if she had read Rey's mind.

"Dr. Holdo, I don't know how to thank you-" Rey began, but Dr. Holdo reached across to lay a hand across Rey's.

"Rey. You've earned this. There's no reason to thank me. You'll start as soon as we get back from break, so enjoy your time off." She said kindly, patting Rey's hand and leaning back, indicating the end of their conversation. "Feel free to drop into Dr. Dameron's office to tell him the good news."

She gathered her things in a daze, hardly allowing herself to believe what had just transpired. Teaching had always been her dream but never had she thought it would be attainable in her field. Moving down the hall, she saw Dr. Dameron's door was slightly ajar.

Knocking once, she peeked her head around the corner and found herself looking at Dr. Dameron, lounging with his feet up, deep in conversation with the arsehole Rey had run into that morning outside the bakery.

"Rey! Please tell me you're here to tell me you've accepted the TA job," Dr. Dameron grinned, and Rey gave him a nod.

"Thank god. It'll be nice to have some help in the spring," He said, then noticed Rey was staring at his companion, who was staring back at her just as intensely. "Where are my manners? Rey, this is my friend, Dr. Ben Solo, he teaches in the bioorganic research program. Ben, this is Rey, one of our brightest students and the best latte foam artist I know."

So this was Dr. Solo. Well. She understood why Jess complained so much about him. It defied reason that someone as amiable and well-adjusted as Dr. Dameron would be friends with such a sourpuss.

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Solo," Rey said, just as Dr. Solo responded dryly, "We've met."

Dr. Dameron bit his lip in the obvious attempt not to laugh out loud, "Ooookay. Well, in any case, I'm glad to hear you've accepted the job. Dr. Holdo shared your prospectus with me - I'm happy to help your dissertation in any way I can."

Rey, who finally managed to tear her eyes away from Dr. Solo, gave Dr. Dameron a genuine smile, "Thanks, Dr. Dameron. I hate to run but I promised to watch the shop this afternoon. Have a good break."

She retreated before either man could respond to her. Standing in the hall, looking for her headphones in her bag, she couldn't help but overhear the conversation that transpired after she retreated from the doorway.

"I tell you, Ben, we don't get students in our department as talented as Rey very often anymore," Dr. Dameron was saying. "You'd like her, you know, she's smart as a whip. She's not bad on the eyes either."

Ben Solo cleared his throat, "Poe, you think undergraduates can provide stimulating conversation. I hardly trust your judgment. In any case, she is not remotely interesting enough to tempt me, even in a platonic sense - though she does have nice eyes, I suppose."

What a bastard.

Rey shoved her headphones over her ears and made her way down the hallway, hoping that this was the last she would see of Ben Solo for the foreseeable future. Twice in one day he had managed to insult her without even bothering to attempt pleasantries. She pulled her umbrella out before exiting the building, clenching her jaw at the thought of the morning run-in.

It was nearly sunset by the time she finished locking up the shop after covering the rest of Kaydel's shift so she could do her final lab rotation of the semester. Rey walked along the backstreets that led to Finn and Rose's apartment, excited to share her news and have a chance to vent about her misfortune of meeting Dr. Ben Solo. The rain had given way to a snowy mixture with the onset of nightfall, and Rey wondered if they were in for their first proper snow of the season. She used to hate the cold, back when she had no warm place to call her own at night, but now she found she didn't mind it so much. Cold air had a fantastic tendency to clear the senses and ease her temper.

The snow resembled glitter as it fell past the trees wrapped in strings of white Christmas lights. She thought again of Ben Solo, of the contempt in his eyes as he looked at her in Dr. Dameron's office, of the way rain had slid off his leather-gloved hand, of how deceptively solid he was. The thought carried her into her friends' apartment, where she found five open to-go containers of Chinese food and her usual spot on the old recliner in the corner waiting.

"God, I cannot believe she gave him a rose," Finn was saying as Rey flung her bag down and grabbed a plate. "Why do women always choose the trash option?"

"Oh, because you have such a great track record," Rose rolled her eyes, her legs stretched across Finn's lap. "Remember when you and Hux were—"

Finn made a choking noise and gave Rose a sharp look of deep betrayal, "We promised to never speak of that lunacy ever again. "

Chuckling to herself, Rey took her seat across from her friends and began shoveling food in her mouth at an alarming pace. She'd never really learned how to eat like she wasn't starving— it was just a byproduct of starving for much of her life. Finn and Rose didn't notice, or if they did, they chose not to say anything. Instead, Rose peeked out of the window behind the sofa, watching the snowfall.

"I think you better stay here tonight, Rey," she said, frowning slightly at the white road. "Paige is staying out tonight with whatever idiot has caught her attention this week. You can take her bed."

It wasn't the first time Rey had stayed over, and part of her was immensely grateful to not have to walk home in the snow and the full way back to work in the morning.

"Thanks," Rey said, her mouth full of pork dumplings.

"Charming, pumpkin," Finn smirked. "Why you haven't found a boyfriend is truly a mystery of the universe."

Without a pause, Rey lifted a nearby pillow and threw it unceremoniously at him. He caught it with ease and tucked it behind his back, still grinning.

"How'd your proposal go today?" Rose asked, ignoring the pillow-throwing to look at Rey.

Choking down the last bite, Rey smiled.

"It went great!" She took a deep breath before speaking the truth out loud and making it seem much more real than it had before. "Holdo offered me a TA position in the spring."

The reaction of her friends did not disappoint. Finn dropped the remote he was holding and Rose jumped up with excitement and rushed over to hug Rey. Rose was always a hugger and had forced Rey to assimilate out of sheer preservation. At this moment, Rey found herself unbelievably happy. The memory of Dr. Ben Solo stirred in the back of her mind, but instead of allowing him to ruin her mood for the third time in one day, she pushed past it and focused on the present.

"—always knew you would get a chance," Rose was saying. "I mean we will miss you at the shop, but—"

"Oh. I'm going to stay on at the shop," Rey smiled. "I would only be working 20 hours a week for Dr. Holdo and Dr. Dameron."

As if in a comedy sketch, Finn dropped the remote he had just stooped to pick up, jaw hanging open.

"You're working for Dr. Dameron!?" He all but yelled at her from his half-bent position.

"I'm sure I can get his autograph for you," Rey said dryly. She found herself wondering briefly if Dr. Dameron was seeing anyone, but he struck her as the type to be put off by commitment.

"You should be grateful to be the luckiest person on earth," Finn replied. "Maybe you can find out what he thinks of me… in a casual, off-the-cuff sort of way."

Rose tutted and rolled her eyes, "Yes, Finn, I'm sure Rey will get right on that between completing her dissertation and working two jobs. She will have plenty of time to fix your hopeless love life."

Turning back to Rey, Rose added with concern, "Rey, that's going to be a lot on your plate. Maybe you should—"

But Rey didn't want to hear that she couldn't manage another measly part-time job, and her jaw jutted out in defiance. "The TA position may only be temporary. I need to keep my job at the shop in case something were to happen at the end of the semester."

Rose didn't push the point any further, but Rey felt it wasn't the last she'd be hearing of it. Finn had been busying himself in the tiny kitchen pouring the last bit of wine into three glasses.

"To Rey, who may actually graduate someday, unlike the rest of us wretches," He winked, passing a glass to his companions and lifting his own.

"To Rey, who will remember us, the little people, when she's making the big bucks as a professor!" Rose said, hoisting her own glass.

Rey snorted, and blushing, she raised her glass to her lips. She could never express to either of the people in the room with her how much it meant to simply have friends to share in her victories. It was perhaps the best part of her day.

As she tucked into Paige's bed that night, she nodded off to sleep, the thought of deep brown eyes and raindrops on leather danced at the periphery of her subconscious.

The next morning found nearly five inches of fresh snow on the ground as Rey, Finn, and Rose made their way to open the shop at the usual time. Rey was thankful for her spare set of clothes, kept in her backpack in case of any coffee-related incidents. Her boots left a solid trail as she pulled the door to the shop open and allowed Finn and Rose inside ahead of herself.

The lights came on easily, everything just as she had left it when she'd locked up the night before. She slid her belongings behind the counter and switched on the sound system.

"Oh, God, please don't pick the Christmas channel. Kaydel played it constantly after you left yesterday," Rose said, her face screwed up in exasperation as she gathered trays to fill with the morning pastries.

Rey rolled her eyes and set it to the usual soft indie station that Finn called, "Songs for people who think they're a lot deeper than they actually are." All in all, she felt that probably suited their clientele the best.

She hummed, pulling down syrup bottles for refilling and fresh cups for the day ahead, reflecting that Christmas was only a few days away. The shop would be closed and Finn and Rose usually invited her over if they weren't already engaged with other friends. She didn't mind being alone on the holiday — in fact, sometimes she thought she preferred it.

The bell over the door signaled Jess entering at her usual 5:51 a.m. timestamp. She wore that same exhausted expression, but today Rey felt it was mixed with sheer relief.

"I survived the semester! I don't even have to think about Dr. Solo for three blissful weeks," She said, wistfully smiling at her reflection in the napkin dispenser.

The name sent a jolt through Rey, who blurted without thinking, "I met him yesterday."

Jess shot her a bemused look, "What did you think of him?"

Hiding her blushing face behind the espresso machine, Rey swallowed back her embarrassment at being called uninteresting by such a dreadful man.

"He seems a miserable sort," Rey said, pouring steaming milk into a large cup. "But I only ran into him briefly."

Snorting and offering her debit card, Jess nodded. "That's him. You know, I Google stalked him once. His mother is fairly famous politically. She was a diplomat under three presidents!" The tone of gossip crept into Jess' voice, and Rey listened with an inexplicable interest.

"And his dad had a show on PBS! He's some great dealer of artifacts and antiques. Imagine celebrating Christmas at the White House on occasion and having two vacation homes as a child and still turning out as unpleasant as he is," Jess finished with a rush.

Rey mulled it over in her mind. She supposed Dr. Ben Solo had been groomed for the world since he was a child. Strange, to think how disparate their lives had been, and how ungrateful she felt him to be for it.

"Well, that's how it is for people who have a decent brain, lots of money, and are remotely good-looking," Rose said, twisting dough into familiar round rings on the counter.

Jess laughed, "He is kind of hot in a weird, gloomy sort of way. I think that's all that got me through my night shifts some days."

Byronic. Rey thought again. She could picture him, black cape billowing on the edge of a cliff by the sea. The image gave way to a small smile appearing on her lips.

"You agree with these two maniacs, then?" Finn asked incredulously as he passed by with fresh croissants for the display case.

Rey cocked her head to one side, "I honestly haven't thought much about it."

Lying so close to Christmas was probably a sure-fire way to end up on the naughty list, but something told her not to go into how very much she had thought of Dr. Solo — so much so that he had featured in all of her dreams last night. She felt her face flush at the thought. Was it not enough for him to ruin her waking hours… but now her sleeping ones, too?

She shook her head in an attempt to refocus on the conversation at hand. Rose was busy haranguing Finn for commenting on anyone's thoughts on the attractiveness of others considering his own "fully tragic track record".

Jess grinned at Rey, "I hope you have a great Christmas— thanks for keeping me alive this semester."

"Thanks. Enjoy your break! Thanks for keeping us employed," Rey said in return, watching Jess make her way to the door.

"You're the cheapest therapist I've ever had! Stay warm!" Jess' final words of goodbye were muffled by the wind as the door swung shut behind her.

The morning passed rather slowly. Most of their college students were scattered for the holiday. The occasional tourist would drop in, either comically over or underdressed for the weather. Rey passed the time with Finn and Rose by catching up on gossip and discussing all the things they wanted to do (but probably wouldn't) over the break.

Rose was counting boxes of muffin liners, "I really want to cook more— the takeout diet is seriously damaging my savings account and gastrointestinal health."

"I want to read again for fun," Rey said. "I read all the time, but it's never just for the joy of a new book."

Finn bit his lip as he thought about his break from class, "I want to sleep and eat and do pretty much nothing else in between."

"Can't fault a man for that," Dr. Dameron's familiar voice came from behind the counter. Rey jumped and turned to face him, wondering how he'd managed to sneak up on them.

"Well, if Finn manages to stay home enough to sleep in his own bed, I'd be surprised," Rose rolled her eyes with affection.

Finn preened, "I cannot help if I'm booked and busy, oh jealous one."

"Just wait. One day you'll be old and thrilled at the idea of being able to just roll over and go back to sleep because you won't give a fuck about your social calendar," Dr. Dameron said with a chuckle. Rey couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"You're not that old, Dr. Dameron," She said, pulling a gallon of milk from under the counter.

"You do age me approximately five years every time you refuse to call me 'Poe'," He said, pointing a mock-accusatory finger at her. "So really, I'm one foot in the grave already."

"Well, that's our Rey, Dr. D," Finn laughed. "Tell her to do one thing, and she's so stubborn she'll do the opposite just to prove a point."

Dr. Dameron scrunched his face up, "Oh, God, not you, too! You're not even my student!"

Turning to grab a lid for his to-go cup, Rey caught a glimpse of Finn's expression, which for one beat was totally caught off guard by Dr. Dameron's statement. She smirked to herself and watched Rose stifle a chuckle from her position over the glass display counter.

"You know we lowly doctoral candidates wouldn't dream of being so familiar with the all revered doctoral teaching staff, no matter the department," Finn responded, watching Dr. Dameron's face.

Dr. Dameron threw his head back and laughed, "You guys are seriously the worst, I don't know why I come here every morning. If I'd known earning a doctorate would result in this level of gravitas, I would've stuck to being a starving writer."

He took his cup from Rey, who offered a sympathetic, albeit amused, expression, "Well, you come here because it's all of five minutes from your office and unlike some places, we don't burn our beans."

"You got me there, Rey. I've been telling Ben that for literal years… but he's not exactly what you or I might call 'flexible.'" He grinned, and Rey swore he threw a wink at Finn for good measure.

The mention of Ben Solo caused a slight sweat to break out on Rey's neck. She certainly didn't have any interest in his flexibility or having him become a regular fixture of their morning routine at the shop. His level of contempt was already insufferable, she couldn't imagine having to serve him without the temptation for malice.

"I gotta go frighten some freshmen with their final exam," Dr. Dameron said, briefly glancing down at his watch. "Try to be nicer to your other customers."

"Depends on how attractive they are," Rose piped up, but Finn stepped hard on her foot, so she let the thought stop there.

Dr. Dameron was still laughing as he pushed open the door into the cold wind. As soon as he was sure the object of his lust was gone, Finn rounded on both Rey and Rose.

"What just happened ?" Finn said, his cool demeanor slipping away to be replaced with panicked elation.

Rose snorted, "He obviously thinks you're hot, idiot."

Not really wanting to delve into Dr. Dameron's sex life, Rey tried to distract herself by washing up the various measuring cups and spoons she had discarded throughout the morning rush.

"He is 12 years older than you, y'know," Rose said. "What is it with you and older guys?"

Finn rolled his eyes and grabbed a towel to help Rey dry her clean dishes, "Guys our age or younger are morons. All they care about is hookup culture for the Instagram or whatever."

Rose laughed, "And you care about what, exactly? Marriage? Dr. Dameron doesn't seem like the type to settle down and get serious type."

"At least he isn't on Grindr," Finn said, tossing Rose an annoyed expression and rounding on Rey. "Back me up here?!"

Rey jumped at the direct plea, "Uh, well, Dr. Dameron is nice and would probably flirt with a stump. But… there was something weird about him this morning."

Trying to pointedly not think about what it would mean if Dr. Dameron found Finn, her best friend in the entire world, attractive. Things like love felt like a luxury to Rey, and while she held platonic love in her heart for Rose and Finn, the prospect of ever connecting with someone else on a more intimate level seemed as distant as the nearest planet.

"Well, you'll have a few weeks to think about ruining your life by sleeping with Rey's new boss," Rose said from the kitchen, which was met with Finn flipping her the bird.

The conversation was cut short by another customer opening the door and allowing in the cold winter air, damp and familiar, before approaching the counter to place an order.

Thankfully the rest of the week passed with no more visits from Dr. Dameron or discussion of Finn's love life. With classes dismissed, Rey picked up double shifts most days, giving her friends and coworkers a chance to prepare for the holidays. Rey spent Christmas alone most years, except for when Finn or Rose were snowed in the previous year and couldn't visit family, but she didn't mind so much. Growing up mostly on streets or between homes meant treasuring her tiny one-bedroom apartment with its crappy furniture and whistling radiator. She might not have a tree or presents, but she had a place she made for herself, as well as a giant pile of junk food and DVDs to keep her company.

The lead up to Christmas Eve meant fewer and fewer of their regular customers frequented the shop and more tourists rushed in and out between doing last-minute shopping. Rey enjoyed seeing new faces and making new drinks, especially since it helped keep her mind off Christmas and the New Year and being a TA and black leather gloves glistening with raindrops.

She arrived to work at 5:30 a.m. on Christmas Eve, ready to hold the shop down on her own to allow Finn, Rose, and Kaydel a chance to leave and visit their families. For once, she could pick the music without compromise, and she put on a familiar band, humming along as she set about putting out pastries and roasting coffee beans.

The door creaked open shortly after 6 a.m., which took Rey by surprise from her position under the counter. She stood quickly, brushing her hands lightly, to see a wide set of shoulders clad in a black cloak. Her heart dropped to the floor as her eyes traveled up to reveal Dr. Ben Solo, looking just as shocked to see her standing there as she was to be facing him.

"Um, good morning?" She said, more as a question than a statement.

He regained his composure quickly, "I assume you can do a triple espresso?" His eyes roamed over her face and to the small coffee bar separating them.

What a pretentious arse. Rey thought. What coffee shop doesn't offer espresso?

"I assume you don't mind if your heart explodes at 6:00 a.m.?" She said in return, not bothering to worry about professionalism or customer service. Turning before he could respond, she turned to begin preparing his drink order.

Trying to push through how uncomfortable she felt, knowing his eyes were probably boring into the back of her head, she hummed along with the overhead speakers, forcing her shoulders to relax as she pressed the espresso into the machine.

"Poe speaks highly of this place," his deep voice came a few moments later, causing her to jump slightly. Why did Ben Solo unnerve her so much?

She looked back at him. His long dark hair was slightly tousled from the wind and the tip of his nose still held the pink markings from the cold. His expression was still sour, but for a brief moment, Rey could picture him as a little boy, sulking and mad at the world.

Trying not to smile, she responded, "We try our best." A long silence was filled with a light beat from the speakers and the sound of the espresso machine working.

"My usual place was closed today," he said, studying the empty tables.

"Well, it is practically Christmas," Rey said pulling his to-go cup up from under the counter.

"And so the world stops turning," He responded with acidity in his tone.

Taking in his expression, Rey found herself wondering what his home life could possibly be like. Was he married? Rey couldn't imagine why on earth someone would want to marry him. Why was he here at 6 a.m. on the day before Christmas, holding an awkward conversation with a woman he did not know or particularly care for if he had anywhere else to be?

"I suppose it's as good as any reason for a break," Rey shrugged, turning to place a lid on his cup.

He let out a sound between a huff and a snort of derision, "I'm sure your literature degree is very exhausting." Sarcasm dripped from each syllable.

Rey stiffened her shoulders. In an impulsive moment, she turned back to him, his cup in her hand, a steeled expression on her face.

"Another scientist pretending literature is an unimportant field to study," Rey said, handing his cup to him and turning to her register. "How original. It was my impression that you and Dr. Dameron are close friends."

His face remained a careful mask as he pulled a card from his pocket to complete his purchase, "Poe has many close friends, it's hardly a testament to his judgment on discipline choice."

Rey kept her face down, punching buttons, sure if she looked directly into his face, she would be very tempted to hit him square in the middle of it. As she pulled a receipt from the old register, she steeled her nerves and put a smile on her face.

"Ah, yes. It must be very difficult for you to find anyone tolerable, even in a platonic sense," She said, voice dripping with false sweetness. "Have a nice morning, Dr. Solo."

Intent on not allowing him the final word, she turned back toward the kitchen and calmly set about gathering used utensils to place them in the dishwasher. After a few moments, she heard the tinkle of the bells over the door letting her know he had finally left her alone in her sanctuary.

And don't come back. She had wanted to add, but then a funny tugging in her gut set in as she remembered his pale face, framed with thick dark hair, taken aback by her refusal to stand down. She hated the feeling of wanting to know more about such a rude and unpleasant man, and yet, here she was, still wishing she did know more.

The loneliness of the holiday began to wash over her then, as she thought about Finn and Rose, and Dr. Dameron, and friendship. As she spent the day making holiday-themed drinks and watching the world go by from inside the shop, she wondered if Ben Solo had ever let anyone be his close friend.

Before she could stop it, she found herself feeling a swell of pity for him, which was only interrupted by the scalding milk steam she had accidentally let spill onto her hand. Biting back the curse word on the tip of her tongue, she quickly wrapped her hand in a cool towel and handed over the drink, shaking her head and promising herself no more thoughts of Ben Solo would distract her that night.

Christmas morning was the first time she slept in since she had caught a stomach bug in April and nearly missed her final comp exams. Though sleeping in for Rey meant waking up at 7 a.m. rather than 4:30 a.m., she reveled in seeing the sun peeking out of the clouds when she opened her eyes.

Nearly 30 years gave a perspective to Christmas that she had not understood as a child. She tinkered about in the kitchen, repairing her ancient toaster oven for what seemed like the hundredth time. All the things in her tiny apartment were largely found on the sides of roads or as hand-me-downs from friends. Rey didn't mind. She was proud of what was hers.

The snow was falling in soft drifts outside of her window as she set about making a cup of coffee - grounds, filter, water, carafe. No need to steam milk or draw in foam for once. She padded softly to the narrow window sill, watching the few people on the street below at 7 a.m. stumbling along the sidewalk. Her radiator started whistling, bringing the comfort of heat into the small space.

All in all, it was her definition of a perfect morning.

Her phone buzzed, and she smiled at the texts from friends, and especially of the photo of Finn, forced into another knitted sweater from his Nana, a happy corgi face smack dab in the middle of his chest.

"Very macho," Rose replied on their group thread.

"It's better than the teddy bear one, at least." He responded.

As was Christmas tradition, she curled up on her sofa, surrounded by as much garbage food as her heart could desire, and watched The Lord of the Rings extended edition films. She could hear neighbors around her celebrating in their own various ways, but eventually, the ride of the Rohirrim drowned out any external sounds and she was lost back in Middle Earth.

By the time Frodo had set off into the west, it was dark, which meant it was time for Rey's very favorite Christmas tradition since moving to the city. She pulled on her warmest sweater and set about lacing up her boots, giddy with excitement. After grabbing her faithful staff from next to the door, she pushed through the entryway and headed to the street below.

It took about fifteen minutes to reach her favorite park, close to campus and the shop, with a path that wound around a large pond and trees filled with lights twinkling under the snow. She always came out to sit on her favorite bench and watch the lights dance as carolers strolled by and families headed to ice skate. To Rey, it was like something off a perfect Christmas card. All she had known for most of her life came from pictures or books, but for one night a year, she felt like she was part of that magic.

Strolling along the path, listening to the sounds of the city, softened due to the holiday, she hummed an old Christmas song to herself. The snow still drifted slowly, adding to the few inches on the edge of the winding sidewalk. She let her feet carry her to that familiar spot, where she would find her bench, with the "R" carved into the armrest.

But of course, the universe had gone fully awry in the last few days, and in drawing nearer to her sacred spot, she realized someone was already occupying the bench. Someone in a long, black coat, his hands covered in leather gloves, staring at a phone screen, seemingly oblivious to being watched.

"What are you doing here?" The question slipped out before she had full control over herself, and in turning to meet her gaze with cool disdain, Dr. Ben Solo lifted one black eyebrow.

She tried not to think about how he looked, all darkness framed under the twinkling lights, his cheeks flushed with the cold and eyes reflecting the snow back at her.

"It was my impression that this is a public park," He said, turning back to his phone, a scowl beginning to etch into his features.

She huffed, "Yeah, well, you're sitting on my bench." A puff of mist came from her mouth as she exhaled the last word, the cold settling onto her lips.

Shooting her an incredulous stare, he turned to examine the dedication plaque on the back of the bench, "Mm, doesn't seem like it's your bench."

Angrily, she pulled out her own phone and switched the flashlight on, pointing out the "R" carved near his elbow. When he didn't give a reaction, she shot him a satisfied smirk of triumph before adding, "Now move over, so I can get back to enjoying my evening and you can get back to being an overgrown bat."

She probably shouldn't insult faculty members, but something about Ben Solo crawled under her skin and would not leave. When he slid down to the opposite end of the bench, she worked hard not to appear as taken aback as she felt. Not knowing what else to do, she sat and began staring up at the twinkling lights.

While the evening chill of winter swirled around her, she took in a deep breath of air, allowing the cold to travel into her lungs as a means of grounding herself.

"Why this bench?" His voice crashed into her peace after a few moments. She glanced around to see him examining her face with intense scrutiny. His brown eyes seemed to glisten in the soft light, giving a softness to his harsh features that caused a strange fluttering in her stomach, but she swallowed hard and pushed past it.

She stared at her hands, "I would sleep here sometimes, a long time ago." Why was she telling him this? He had two famous and, in all probability, rich parents; she doubted he had ever wanted for anything in his life.

"And sometimes, when I opened my eyes during this time of year, I could pretend the lights above me were stars," She continued, not wanting to allow him a moment to respond for fear of what he might say.

He didn't respond, though, his eyes moving from her face to examine the lights in the bare trees, twinkling bright spots in the inky darkness wrapping around them. Watching him, Rey remembered that it was Christmas and he had been sitting on her bench alone.

"Why are you here?" She asked, more gently this time, noticing he had not put away his cellphone.

A small flicker of something akin to pain flashed across his features, but he schooled his expression and responded noncommittally, "I needed the fresh air."

Typical. I give an honest answer and he needs "air". She thought caustically to herself. He must have sensed her irritation, because after a moment he added, "And I was tired of being alone."

Turning in surprise, she felt her face reacting involuntarily, eyebrows shooting up in confusion.

"Don't you have family? I thought your parents were, like, important, or, y'know, something-" She was stumbling, keenly aware he would likely wonder why she even knew who his parents were. Cringing internally, she shut her mouth from saying anything more incriminating.

Unfortunately, the mention of his parents caused a dark expression to cloud his face once again, and glaring back at his phone he snapped, "Yes, I suppose they are important, to someone like you, who obviously has no idea what a parent should be."

Rey felt the sting of his comment cut her somewhere deep in her chest. Why did she care what an asshole like him thought of her? Because she had spent years trying to prove her worth, and he had surgically removed it with a single sentence.

"Sorry." He said, giving her a severe case of whiplash. "I apologize, that was…"

"Cruel?" She asked, angry at herself for the quiver in her voice. "Uncalled for? Undeserved?"

His eyes met hers and the shock of seeing moisture to match her own there caused her to snap her mouth closed again.

"Yes," He agreed. "I… don't like talking about my parents."

She studied the outline of his face, where his hair was carefully styled back to not obscure his exaggerated features. He looked so different from the man she had slammed into in the rain. So different from the man who had dismissed her while complimenting her eyes. The memory of that moment caused a flash of heat to rise in her face, and she turned her gaze away, back toward the sky.

"At least you have them," She shot back, knowing it was an unfair dig, but one that he probably deserved anyway.

"Sure. But never when it counted," He said, his deep voice hovering barely above a whisper. She felt him shift next to her, and looking over, she watched as he stood. The swell of disappointment came unexpectedly into her stomach. Why wasn't she ready for him to go? Rey had never known how to give up on broken things, it just wasn't in her nature. And it was becoming more and more apparent that the sharp edges around him were protecting something very broken indeed.

Making a split-second decision, Rey stood, too, startling him.

"Don't worry," she said with a soft smile, "I feel it, too."

It was Ben Solo's turn to raise a confused eyebrow at her.

"The loneliness of abandonment," She said gently. "It never really goes away."

He didn't speak, just kept that inscrutable stare focused on her face, but she refused to break the silence or his stare. It was his turn to show some good faith to her. The moments stretched on, but it felt like they were the only two people in the city, standing on the edge of something she knew was dangerous and exciting.

"Jesus, I could use an espresso," He said finally, catching her wholly off-guard. Before she could stop it, a deep laugh burst from her lips.

"Well, while my favorite place is closed, there's a bodega near the entrance to the park that makes a pretty good espresso," She grinned. "I'll show you, even if it is 7:30 p.m. and no one sane should be consuming a triple espresso right now."

As she reoriented to walk toward the bodega in question, she felt him fall in step next to her. He was probably forced into walking slower, given how much he towered over her. She placed her staff back in the holder slung over her shoulder.

"You're… very surprising, Rey," He said, observing her as they made their way through the sparse groups in the park. She pretended not to notice the jolt of pleasure at hearing him say her name for the first time.

She threw him a smirk, "I've definitely been called worse."

The cold had begun seeping into her toes by the time they started rounding the north edge of the pond. She found herself missing the leaky radiator in her apartment as the snow continued to fall around them.

"Congratulations, on the, uh," He began quietly, "the TA position."

She looked over at him, slight incredulity spreading across her face, "I assume you think it's an empty job where I will spend time trying to teach 18-year-olds how to read or reorganizing Dr. Holdo's bookshelf?"

For the briefest moment, she felt confident he had been about to laugh, but instead, he replied, "Well, I think Holdo might grievously injure anyone who broached her collection without permission. What is it with you literature types and your bookshelves? Dameron's is the most chaotic thing I've ever seen."

Rey rolled her eyes, "Everyone has their own preference. Sorry, there's not some algorithm or equation for you to follow along to put everything into knowable and defined boxes."

It was Ben's turn for an eye roll, "You really know nothing about science. Pity."

After a few moments of comfortable silence, he added, "I was a TA once, at a different university."

She laughed, and he shot her a glance; she thought he might have even looked hurt, "I just cannot imagine you as a TA, no actually, I definitely can picture you glaring down at terrified undergrads and scowling through lectures."

That time a small smile did tug at the corner of his lips, "And I always taught the 8 a.m. sections."

They were nearing the opening to the park and the increase in sound marked the reappearance of the city, still echoing with noise, even on Christmas, as people began their journeys back to their own homes from visiting loved ones. Rey didn't linger on the thought that the number of times she hadn't been lonely on Christmas could be counted on one hand, and this was one of them.

Rey gave another laugh, "You know, I never minded early classes. Morning is my favorite part of the day."

Watching the sunrises for most of her life had conditioned a love of the light returning after a long, often insecure, night. Even at her lowest points, she could count on the sun bringing a new day, and with it, a new chance to find somewhere she belonged.

"Mine, too," He said, and she realized they had both stopped walking, pausing on the edge of the entrance into the park.

"What? I would've thought you were definitely one of the-works-all-night, hates-the-brightness-of-morning types," She said, mostly playfully, ignoring the chill wind beginning to pick up around them.

Ben Solo rolled his eyes, "Well, I do work all night, hence the espresso intake which seems to concern you so much, but as a child, I always loved waking up early, it was…" He cut himself off for a moment, and she sensed his thoughts had turned dark again before he forced himself to finish, "It was a time when I could pretend we were a normal family before the day started and everyone had somewhere else to be."

Her throat constricted a little, thinking of a small boy, sitting by himself in a lonely kitchen.

"You also don't have to interact with nearly as many people," He said, cutting off her chance to say something about his childhood. "In case you hadn't noticed, I don't…"

"Do people?" Rey asked, setting off again, ready to be in the warmth of the near bodega for a few minutes to allow her nose to defrost. "I had actually, yeah. Well, except you do have Dr. Dameron."

Ben actually snorted in response, "Poe's been around most of my life, so I got used to him after a while. His parents worked with my mother. He ended up being a disappointment, I think."

Rey felt a slight tingle of discomfort-she didn't need to know that sort of information about her soon-to-be boss.

"But so did I, so I guess we are well-suited friends," Ben shrugged, following her into the warm bodega. The spicy scent of cinnamon hit her as she rounded the corner to see Beau at the counter, looking bored out of his mind.

"Now there's a sight for sore eyes," Beau said as she came into view. "My espresso maker has gone to shit again."

Sighing at Beau, Rey asked, "And what did you do to it this time? Hit it with a wrench, again?"

Dropping the staff from her shoulder, she was vaguely aware of Ben watching their conversation, a deep scowl fixed once again to his features. Instead of turning toward him, she made her way behind the counter as she had done many times before, locating the small tool kit under the register.

"She can fix anything," Beau grinned at Ben, but his friendliness was met with a cold glare.

Tugging off her gloves, Rey set about evaluating the problem, but she called up to Beau, "Don't mind Dr. Solo, he requires a direct IV of espresso to feel joy."

Settling into her space next to the machine, Rey let her hands fall back into the familiar pattern of assessing damage and pulling apart pieces to solve the puzzle. Fixing things came second nature to her, it was necessary for survival for most of her life, but now she enjoyed using her gift to help others. Mariah Carey's voice poured out of the shop speakers, and she gave an internal giggle at the thought of being here, on Christmas, with Ben Solo, fixing someone else's espresso machine, while Mariah Carey played overhead.

After a few moments, she emerged victoriously, but shot a reproaching glance to Beau, "I told you last time to take better care of her, she had a spring knocked out of place."

She then set about pulling up all the ingredients and a to-go cup saying, "Okay, give me a minute and I'll have your liquid heart attack ready." She glanced up and found Ben wearing an expression that seemed almost awed while watching her work as if in fixing this machine she had committed some revelatory act. "Beau can't make coffee for shit."

Beau nodded, "Well, I don't do it for a living, do I?" She shot him an eye roll but returned to the routine of prepping the beans, the portafilter, and his cup.

As she worked on making the triple espresso, enjoying the warmth returning to her extremities, she added, "I don't think I've figured out what exactly it is you do for a living, other than having an instinct for breaking machines."

"I'll have you know I did no such thing... It happened on Daz's watch," He said, a mock expression of hurt fixed on his face. "Besides, we can't all have important letters after our name."

He looked to Ben and added hastily, "No offense."

While finishing the espresso, Rey watched the exchange carefully. She supposed Ben Solo was rather intimidating to most people, in his head-to-toe black outfit, no trace of warmth lining his features. And yet, she thought of his glistening eyes under the Christmas lights and found she no longer thought him particularly intimidating at all.

"Dr. Solo is a real doctor because he studies science, unlike us useless arts and humanities students," Rey smirked, handing the espresso to her companion, and judging by the change in his face, he didn't seem to enjoy being teased. "I'm not paying for that, by the way."

"You know you never have to pay here, Rey," Beau rolled his eyes again. Rey was already pulling on her gloves and staff. Beau glanced at Ben, who had yet to utter so much as a single word. "Take good care of our girl, mate. She's a special one."

In an embarrassing moment, Rey suddenly realized how very much this looked like a date, and a brief jolt of shock on Ben's face conveyed that the thought had just struck him as well. She felt mortified at how ridiculous he would likely find the idea of being on a date with her and wanted to correct the misconception before it could go on any longer.

"Oh, no that's not-" She began, red flushing up to her cheeks.

"It would seem so," Ben said at the same moment.

They both closed their mouths and stared at each other.

Beau, who seemed totally oblivious to any awkwardness, set the toolbag back under the counter and said, "Happy Christmas, you two."

"Same to you, Beau," Rey responded, a little dazed, gaze still locked on Ben. After a brief moment, he turned and headed for the door, and without really thinking about it, she headed off after him.

Following him onto the sidewalk where the wind had picked up considerably during their time in the bodega, Rey found the icy blast of air refreshing in clearing her mind. He lifted the cup to his lips, savoring the warm beverage.

"You fix things." He said after a long pause. It was a statement, not a question.

"Yeah, well," She began, embarrassment coursing through her still, "I've always just been good at it. It was sort of a survival skill for a long time."

Ben Solo's eyes searched over her face again and she wondered what he was expecting to find.

"Why not pursue engineering?" He asked like she was a puzzle he desperately wanted to solve, but some of the pieces were missing. "You'd be good at it."

She thought about it for a moment and decided the truth was the best option, "Because it was a survival skill. I love fixing things to help people like Rose or Finn or Beau, but as a career, it would be… too painful, I think."

Trying to avoid his gaze, she glanced around the sidewalk, where foot traffic had decreased again as the cold and snow descended heavily on the city.

Forcing herself back to the conversation, she waited for a response. After he didn't give her one, she blurted out, "Why are you being so nice to me?"

He recoiled as if she had slapped him instead of asking a simple question. Deliberating for a moment, his guarded expression returned and he said, "It is Christmas, after all."

"And so the world stops turning," She quoted his words back at him. "Are you trying to tell me you're like the Grinch? Your heart is three sizes bigger today?"

Another ghost of a smile pulled at his lips, "That would insinuate I had a heart, to begin with."

Before she could respond, the sound of a message pinging on his phone pulled them both back to reality, and she realized the cold seeping into her toes was becoming slightly unbearable. He trained his eyes on the screen, letting out a deep sigh.

"Scorned lover?" Rey asked, only half-joking, knowing whoever was texting Ben Solo at 8:30 p.m. on Christmas was decidedly none of her business.

He gave her a slightly irritated glance, "Worse. My mother."

"Oh," Rey said, not really knowing what the appropriate response would be in this situation.

He sighed again, "My parents always host a big New Year's party at their estate. I haven't gone in five years, but they keep inviting me."

Watching his dark expression, Rey steeled herself to tell him the truth and also to deal with whatever fallout might arise from it, "Look, I know it's not my place, but I think you should go. Maybe they weren't the parents you deserved, but it seems like your mom is trying now. Someday you'll wish you had tried, too."

All of the words fell out of her mouth, quick and breathless, as she studied his face. Though he looked like he wanted to throw something, he didn't respond at first. Perhaps he was weighing her words. She thought about turning and running back to her cozy apartment, back to her life before Ben Solo had knocked her to the ground and taken up space in her head, rent-free.

"Do you want to go?" He asked, catching her so off-guard, she actually laughed because- what? A scowl returned to his features as he added, "Of course not, I shouldn't have-"

Rey realized she had actually hurt him and spontaneously said, "If it means you'll go and see your family? Sure, I'd love to go."

First stiffening at her words, after a pause, he visibly relaxed, lifting his cup to his lips once more and then said, "I don't want to put you in an uncomfortable position, but I've never… brought home a woman before."

Blinking rapidly, Rey felt her brain sluggishly trying to process his statement. Perhaps it was the lateness or the cold or the fact that it was Christmas, but she suddenly felt very exposed under his gaze.

"Um, well… I've never been brought home to anyone's family before," She supplied, not sure where this conversation was going. And to think hours ago she had been heading to the park, blissfully ignorant of how the evening would turn out.

"I just don't want them to think that we… That we're…" And everything felt very clear to her all of a sudden. He didn't want them to think their son would settle for an orphaned scavenger.

She pushed down the crushing bitterness threatening to consume her, "Oh."

"I don't want them to get their hopes up, I mean," He clarified quickly, obviously sensing the hurt in her demeanor.

Rey raised her eyes to meet his, the true meaning of his words washing over her, and as courage rose in her chest, she asked, "Why not let them think whatever they want?"

Now Ben was blinking quickly, "That doesn't… bother you?"

"Why would it? It's one night." She said softly, thinking the entire situation was ludicrous, frankly, but she had committed to it, and so she would see it through. "If it doesn't bother you, I mean."

In response, he typed something in reply to his mother, swiped to a different app, and proffered his phone to her.

"So we can coordinate," He explained as her confused eyes met his again. "I- Thank you, Rey."

She took his phone, tugging a glove off with her teeth, and typed her number into the screen, wondering how on earth she was going to explain this to any of her friends. She didn't fully understand it for herself yet.

"I should be getting home," She said, handing the phone back. "I have an opening shift in the morning."

He nodded, seeming dazed under the yellow glare of the streetlight above them. "I'll see you next week, then?"

There was something almost akin to worry in his tone, so she put on a reassuring smile and stuck out her gloveless hand for him to shake. As his warm fingers met the coolness of her own an electric current shot through her chest.

"It's a date," Her words, absent-minded and in jest, suddenly felt a little too real. She quickly turned to head back to her apartment before he could respond.

By the time her alarm rang at 4:30 a.m. the next morning, Rey felt convinced she had hallucinated the entire night before. Perhaps she had eaten some tainted junk food-she never bothered checking an expiration date.

Or maybe it was one of those Christmas stories where you get to fall into an alternative universe for a day. Maybe he was the ghost of Christmas future. Looking around her dark apartment, there was nothing tangible to tell her whether or not she had slipped into a sugar coma and everything involving Ben Solo had been a dream other than her dirty clothes from the night before piled in the hamper near her closet.

The whistling of the radiator brought her back to reality and she pulled herself out of the comfort of a bed, dressing with the ease of routine. Her backpack sat in its usual spot, ready for another morning walk to the shop. As her feet found the sidewalk half an hour later, she could tell the snow must have let up sometime during the night, leaving a few powdery inches for her to trek through along her familiar path.

Passing under the streetlamps, her thoughts turned to Ben Solo and the whiplash of his mood swings. One day she is barely tolerable, then a week later, he was inviting her to his parent's annual New Years' party? It wouldn't even be believable in a movie, let alone her real life. She thought about his long, pale fingers, outstretched toward hers, and the shock of energy she felt in her gut at his touch.

She seemed closer to danger than ever before.

Shaking her head as if it would be remotely useful in clearing her conscience, she made her way around the corner and pushed through the door to the shop, finding Finn's familiar face behind the counter. Rose wouldn't return for a few days, and Rey was privately grateful to have fewer people around to ask her questions.

"Did you cry?" Finn asked in greeting, lugging a tray of fresh croissants toward the glass display case.

Pursing her lips and rolling her eyes, trying to not give way to the smile threatening to break out, she retorted, "I am only human, Finn. No matter how many times I see it, I will never not cry when Frodo leaves for the Grey Havens."

Finn laughed, "Rose owes me ten bucks. She thought you'd fall asleep before the end."

Putting her bag under the counter and reaching for her familiar green apron, Rey snorted, "To be fair, those were 50/50 odds." One benefit of having a secure home meant falling asleep with ease when she got comfortable on her couch and notoriously doing so even when other people were around.

As he closed the sliding door to the case, he dropped the baking tray and came over to embrace her in a warm hug. She loved Finn's hugs because he channeled all his warmth and kindness into the action, folding her into him with gentleness.

"Missed you," She muttered into his shoulder. She really did love Finn. If he weren't gay as a maypole she probably would ask him to marry her.

"Missed you, too, pumpkin," He smiled pulling away. "Anything exciting happen while I was away? Win the lottery? Manage to not burn yourself for once?"

Rey steeled herself in the bright morning lights of the shop, but she found herself turning under the pretense of restocking the napkin dispenser before she took one deep breath and said in what she meant to be an off-the-cuff way, "I got invited to a New Year's party upstate."

As he continued stocking the display cabinet, Finn barked out a laugh, "Oh god, don't tell me those med students got to you, too. They may be rich one day, darling, but they'll be drowning in debt for at least 10 years-"

She spun back around to face him, and while she wished she could join in the laughter, her stomach was threatening to turn on her, so she said, "Oh, uh, no. Actually, Dr. Solo invited me to his parents' party-"

The clattering of the half-empty baking pan hitting the floor reverberated around her, and Finn's jaw was not far behind in falling fully open, leaving him to look like a cartoon character.

"WHAT!" It wasn't a question, it was a half-choked exclamation.

Bending to pick up and discard the now ruined baked goods, Rey gave him a shrug, "We, uh, ran into each other last night. It's more of a favor to him, well, I guess really to his parents, and I know it seems insane-"

"It IS insane, pumpkin!" Finn retorted, but Rey rolled her eyes and carried on nonetheless.

"It's all sort of a blur now, but I said I'd go, so I guess I'm going?" She shook her head, pushing the dirty baking tray into the sink for Finn to deal with later.

In raising her eyes, she found Finn still completely gobsmacked.

"But you don't even like him!" He said, obviously trying to make it all make sense, much like a toddler trying to shove a square peg into a round opening.

Rey did laugh then, wondering... Did she like Ben Solo?

"Like I said, it's more for his parents. He didn't want to go alone and I was the closest person with a pulse, so he asked me. I'm sure he's been kicking himself ever since."

At her honesty, Finn seemed to come back to himself, and taking her hand in his, he stared into her eyes and said earnestly, "Rey, literally any man on this planet would be lucky to have you agree to go out with them, no matter the circumstance. You're amazing. So what if he's an asshole? I've learned to trust your judgment, so if you think this is a good idea… then, as always, I'm 100 percent in your corner."

Trying to push the lump in her throat and burning in her eyes back, Rey did choke out a wet laugh, "I have no idea if it's a good idea or not, but thank you, Finn. You always know what to say… why'd you have to go and be bloody gay?"

Finn, in returning to organizing the pastries, threw her a look, "Because I saw a poster of Burt Reynolds' chest hair far too early in life and nothing was ever the same."

After a pause, she heard him start laughing, a deep and genuine sound of mirth, and she asked, "What is so funny?"

He was still laughing, but he managed to gasp out, "I cannot wait for you to tell Rose."

Rey felt the color drain from her face, "Oh god."

Telling Finn, she realized, had been a breeze compared to whatever torrent of emotion Rose would unleash upon learning Rey was going to an ultra-posh New Year's party with Dr. Ben Solo. She felt exhausted just thinking about it.

"Please make sure to film her reaction, if I'm not there," Finn said, still chortling to himself.

Before Rey could flip him off properly, the bells over the door signaled the entrance of their first customer of the day, pulling her back to the coffee bar. Vaguely she recognized the swelling of gratitude to have the distraction of work to keep her tethered to reality.

The following three days blurred together in the familiar routine of work, eat, and sleep. Finn didn't broach the subject of her New Year's plans again, and Rey appreciated his tact more than he could know. As the days inched toward the end of the week, the realization of the ramifications of agreeing to accompany Ben Solo to his parents' home started to feel overwhelming.

Rose returned to work on December 29, looking tired but refreshed from spending time with her sister and parents. Rey managed to avoid any conversation about plans and Dr. Solo for the entirety of their morning shift. Rose spent the time prattling about little family drama and Paige's boyfriend of the week and discussing her spring course load, making it fairly easy for Rey to be present with just vague sounds of agreement.

As Rey listened to Rose recount a story of her father accidentally setting part of their Christmas tree on fire, a vibration in her pocket gave her a minor shock. She didn't get many texts unless they were from Finn or Rose, but the memory of typing her number into a sleek phone outstretched to her by a large, pale hand briefly knocked the air out of her lungs.

Fumbling slightly, she pulled the phone out of her pocket, blinking at the notification on the small, cracked screen.

Good morning. I am reaching out to confirm our arrangements for New Year's Eve.

Rey privately thought she had received more intimate reminders from her local movie rental store. She dried her left hand and wrote her reply, determined to not overthink something as silly as a text message.

New phone, who dis?

After she hit send, she felt a pang of regret. She waited what felt like an hour before the three little dots appeared, signaling his imminent response.

The Grinch.

Unable to stifle it, laughter burst from her lips, causing Rose to stop speaking mid-sentence. At last, keyed into her friend's strange behavior, Rose narrowed her eyes and made her way toward Rey's position behind the counter.

Still on for Whoville. She typed in a response and hit send. Then she added a question that had kept her concerned for the last two days, What should I wear to this thing?

She tucked the phone back in her apron, heart beating quickly at the expectant expression on Rose's face.

"So, who is he?" She prodded, crossing her arms and giving a look that clearly said, And why didn't you tell me about him?

Rey, who had hoped to avoid this conversation, possibly for the duration of her life, sucked in a breath, and said, "I'll tell you if you promise not to make a big deal out of it."

"I wouldn't-" Rose began, but Rey snorted. "Okay, sometimes I might be a little dramatic, but you know you can tell me anything. No judgment! Pinky promise!"

She then extended her pinky, and Rey took it in her own, giggling a little at how ridiculous most of her life had become since Christmas day.

"I ran into Dr. Solo-" Rey began, when Rose immediately went to cut her off she added hastily, "Rose, you pinky promised!"

Giving a grumpy grunt of acquiescence, Rose motioned for Rey to continue. Rey took another deep breath, pointedly staring back at her hands to avoid the other girl's gaze as she continued her story.

"Anyway, I ran into him on Christmas when I was in the park, and honestly he was kind of a jerk, but then he wasn't? It was very strange… but after we went to Beau's, where I had to fix his bloody espresso machine again -"

Rose, unable to last a full minute, burst in, "Why on earth were you at Beau's?!"

Throwing her an annoyed look, Rey continued, "Because Dr. Solo has an unhealthy caffeine intake, but anyway, as we were leaving, he told me about his parent's New Year's party, and there's bad blood there… but I was so annoyed someone with a family would just, not even try to make things better, so I-"

"You couldn't help giving him a piece of your mind, which is the Rey we all know and love," Rose grinned, causing Rey to blush a little.

"Well, I was nice about it, but it backfired when he asked me to go with him. And I agreed, but the more time that passes, the more insane it all seems." Rey finished in a breathless huff, grateful to have the band-aid pulled off.

Rose, ever the kindest person Rey knew, lifted her hands to squeeze her friend's shoulders, "That's because it is insane, honey. I mean, is this a date?"

The warmth of Rose's hands on her shoulder helped Rey push through her embarrassment to say, "I don't think so? I don't know! We just agreed to let his family think whatever they needed to… I mean, I don't even know the man! Not to mention, he might be the most unpleasant person I've ever met."

As Rey vented, Rose dropped her hands and gave her friend a small, encouraging smile, "Rey, you know what I say about following your heart-"

"Right off a cliff," Rey muttered under her breath, but Rose pretended not to hear her as she pressed on with her thought.

"Sometimes things don't make sense in your head, but your heart told you to agree to go to that party for a reason… Maybe it was pity, but I also trust your instincts. Just promise me you will be careful, because guys like Dr. Solo… well, they aren't always the most kind to people who deserve better." Rose finished by reaching over to hug Rey, her warm vanilla perfume adding to the familiar layer of gratitude in Rey's chest.

Pulling away, Rey said, "Thanks, Rose. I did feel sorry for him, I guess. But I also… felt like I understood him a lot better. It's hard to articulate it."

"Mmhmm, and I guess he's the reason you were grinning like an idiot at your phone?" Rose said, narrowing her eyes, "Don't think I've forgiven you for not telling me about this sooner, by the way."

Rose's words alerted Rey to the fact that she had felt a vibration in her pocket while spilling the whole story. She pulled the phone back out to stare at the notification from his response.

It is black tie, so leave your apron at home.

In a moment of almost surreal dizziness, Rey felt she could hear exactly the cadence he would have spoken the words glaring up at her from the screen.

"Shit," Rey breathed, looking at Rose with panic rising in her features. "The party is black tie!"

Giving a little chuckle, Rose wrapped an arm around Rey's shoulder, "Honey, his parents are rich. Of course, it's black tie. Don't worry… Paige and I have like a million bridesmaids dresses between all our cousins and undergrad friends. We'll find you something, promise."

Rey felt tears threatening to spill and was grateful to the tourist stumbling in out of the cold at that moment for giving her a distraction and pulling Rose back toward her half-kneaded dough in the kitchen.

Later that evening Rey followed Rose out of the shop, flicking off the lights and turning the key in the latch.

"Okay!" Rose exclaimed, causing Rey to almost drop the keys she was trying to return to her pocket. "Dress hunting season is officially open!"

The cold surrounding them was at least lessened by a lack of precipitation falling from the sky for the first time in days. The lingering snow had begun to turn brown under the continual trucks scraping and passing cars. The post-Christmas, pre-New Year period meant lights and trees and wreaths still decorated the windows they walked past on their way to Rose's and Finn's apartment.

"I literally can't remember the last time I wore a dress," Rey complained, trudging through Rose's bright blue door behind her friend, spotting Finn on the sofa, where he was very intently watching some show on HGTV.

"You know they're gonna pick number 3, Finn. They always pick number 3," Rose said, tossing her stuff down on the counter and ignoring Rey's comment.

Finn rolled his eyes, "Some of us like the comfort of knowing they'll pick the house with the haunted basement every time, Rose."

Rey snorted, helping herself to a glass of water and resigning herself to what was about to be a very uncomfortable few hours of throwing on outfits in Rose and Paige's tiny room. Rose was already pulling dresses from the closet, and Rey was mystified at how one closet could've possibly held all of them.

"I cannot believe you didn't tell me," Rose was saying to Finn from underneath ruffles and tulle skirts. "I mean, I was the one who called him hot, to begin with."

Finn shook his head from mirth, "I didn't want to ruin Rey's special moment. Besides, I think you're both insane for even entertaining the idea that he's attractive."

Until this point, Rey had merely watched with incredulity as more and more dresses piled up in front of her, but at Finn's remark, she added, "Need I say the name, Hux-"

"Never again!" Finn choked out, nearly upending his can of La Croix in his haste to shut her up.

"I rest my case," Rey smirked back, until Rose finally emerged, extending a handful of dresses toward her.

"All right, princess. Time to go change. Start with the black one," Rose bossed in her most commanding voice.

When Rey emerged, Finn could not hold back his laughter, "Oh my god, whose wedding was this dress for... Oscar the Grouch in drag?"

Rose glared at him and quickly handed Rey a purple dress to try on, but when she emerged in that one, Finn was once again in a bout of giggles, "You look like an undersea witch."

This pattern of commentary continued on through the next few dresses she put on:

"Why would anyone need a dress tight enough to show off their rib cage for a formal event?"

"I don't get it… Is the point to make the wearer's hips look as wide as possible on purpose?"

"Good god, are those tassels on the bottom?"

Rey's arms were legitimately beginning to groan with tiredness as she went back to Paige's room to remove the sixth dress after Finn and Rose deemed it "too frumpy". As she passed back into the room, a swatch of bright red fabric caught her gaze from where it hung in the closet. She reached for the clear garment bag at the very back of the small space.

As she emerged from the bedroom, she felt more self-conscious than before, but she also knew this choice was at least more authentic to herself. Both Finn and Rose froze mid-conversation to stare at her, eyes traveling from her shoulders to her feet in stunned silence.

"Oh my god." Finn said, "I mean, it's not a dress, but it's…"

"Perfect. Holy shit!" Rose chimed in. "I totally forgot about that suit… Paige was the best man for one of her friends a few years ago. I'm actually mad I didn't pick it for you."

Totally unaccustomed to having so many compliments showered on her in one setting, Rey turned as red as her suit under the yellow kitchen light. "You think it's okay, then?"

Finn came over to her quickly, taking her slim face between his two hands, "Pumpkin, you're gonna give that buttoned up asshole a heart attack."

Tutting at Finn's crassness, Rose pushed him out of the way and beamed up to Rey, "You're gonna look amazing. I have the perfect shoes, too! Now, we have to talk about hair and makeup…"

Once again, Rey's heart was filled to the brim with love for these two people, arguing about whether or not her lipstick should match her suit, or if her hair being down would contrast too much with the outfit. She loved Rose and Finn for making her feel special-that feeling always came unexpected but deeply appreciated, especially now as she confronted the reality of spending an entire evening with a lot of rich people and her only ally being Ben Solo.

After being given a pair of matching heels, lipstick, and strict instructions on how to fix her hair, Rey managed to stumble home to her own apartment. As she was unloading all of her wares from Rose, her phone vibrated again.

Where would you like to meet? My parents' home is about an hour's drive from the city.

Rey, vaguely annoyed that her heart had jumped into her throat at his message, responded quickly.

Let's meet at the shop. I trust you have the address.

There was no way in hell she wanted him to see her apartment building or the street she lived on, just in case he did turn out to be some kind of serial killer.

We will leave at 6. Pack an overnight bag... my mother is insisting.

Though her internal monologue began to shout in panic, she managed to type back, Okay. Hope breakfast isn't black tie, too.

It took him a few minutes of typing to respond with, Wouldn't put it past her. See you Friday.

Rey reflected that it often felt like she was talking to a wholly different person in their text exchanges. Most evidence pointed to Ben Solo having no sense of humor, and based on Jess' comments and her own experience, he didn't excel at small talk.

What on earth would they talk about during an hour-long car ride? Her hands became sweaty at the thought of trying to hold a conversation with him where he could insult her dissertation, childhood, and day job at any given moment.

What had she gotten herself into?