daylight

by sparklylulz

"Don't worry," She said with a soft smile, "I feel it, too." It was Ben Solo's turn to raise a confused eyebrow at her. "The loneliness of abandonment," She said gently. "It never really goes away." Or: the modern AU fake dating fic

2. Chapter 2

"I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you;
I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you.
I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night-
And now I see daylight, I only see daylight."

---

New Year's Eve arrived with the sun creeping into Rey's bedroom, striking the black garment bag where it hung from her closet door, holding her outfit for that evening. Though her brain logically knew nothing truly had changed between when she crawled into bed the night before and when the sun woke her, she sensed by the end of the day, something would be changed.

Not working at the shop meant the day crept along at a pace that felt punishing. Rose had insisted she take three days off.

"One to get ready, one to party, and one to recuperate," She had stated firmly to Rey the night before. "I want you to have fun, Rey. You're always going out of your way to let Finn and I have time off-please, just let us do that for you for a change."

Rey had, of course, acquiesced. Rose was technically her manager anyway, but she would've given in no matter what because it was a small way to show her gratitude for, well, everything.

After toiling her day away cleaning up her apartment and fixing her toaster oven again, it was finally time to start getting ready. Rey felt a little sheepish as she climbed into the shower, spreading suds over her bony knees and readying a razor to tackle her neglected legs. For once, she took as long as she wanted, rejoicing in the warm spray on her shoulders.

The smell of lavender filled the room from the shampoo Rose had sent home with her promising, "This shit will make your hair feel and smell incredible!"

Rey didn't know much about those kinds of things— she was happy to keep her hair pulled into three buns and kept out of her face, not too worried about what type of shampoo made it shine or gave it volume. Today, though, she felt like she cared too much about her hair as she toweled dry in her tiny bathroom.

The flash of her red nails in the bathroom mirror stood out against her pale hands, covered in fading burn marks and thin scars from years left behind. Rose, once again, had swooped in, painting each nail with the precise ease of a younger sister, who had done this a million times before.

While staring at her reflection, Rey could almost hear her friend's voice in her mind, " Okay, honey, I got you this far. I know you can get to the finish line. "

Stealing herself to that thought, Rey set about applying the few products Rose had sent home with her. It only took three attempts to get her eyes to resemble the tutorial she had watched Rose practice on a preening Finn the evening before.

In a way, it felt like retreating, as though the brushes and powders aligned to obfuscate the real Rey. Maybe this is how Cinderella felt, surrounded by the illusion of a world she did not belong to, but then again, Cinderella had been a princess. Rey, on the other hand, would still be a broke, orphaned, over-tired doctoral candidate, no matter how much she tried to paint over her features with eyeshadow and blush.

Though the thought of Ben Solo as a Disney prince did cause a brief giggle to erupt from between her lips, nevertheless.

With her face relatively complete, she moved on to tackling her hair, thinking for the thirtieth time that afternoon, Why did I agree to this? Of course, the pull of Christmas, snow, twinkling lights, and empathy in the face of loneliness provided a seductive motive.

Maybe he just wouldn't show up, she found herself half-hoping. Nothing about Ben Solo; however, even remotely pointed toward him not following through on an arrangement. Despite burning herself a record of four times on her ancient curling iron, her hair did turn out halfway decent. She pushed the pins into place behind her ear and gazed at the amalgamation of all her hard work in the reflection before her.

Her phone buzzed from where she had left it perched on the tiny cabinet ledge. She fumbled for it, nervously unlocking the screen to see a text from Rose.

Haven't heard from you in hours. Send a picture to prove you are still alive.

Rey rolled her eyes but lifted the phone to take an awkward selfie before typing, Alive… for now.

Responding with a string of heart-eye emojis, Rose added, I hope you stop that bastard's heart in its tracks. You look so hot.

Choosing to not think about Ben Solo's reaction to her appearance, Rey put the phone back on the cabinet ledge and moved to finish packing her small overnight bag. At a loss for what to wear the morning after a black-tie party, she placed one of her nicer pairs of pants and a sweater without holes alongside a bag containing her favorite boots. After she managed to locate her spare phone charger, pajamas, and toiletry case, she looked at her watch.

4:45 p.m.

She planned to finish getting dressed at the shop, which would be closing early because of the holiday. She also wanted to avoid walking that many blocks in Paige's expensive red suede high heels.

Snatching the garment bag off her bedroom door, picking up the small suitcase, and slinging her familiar backpack and staff over her shoulder, Rey felt like she was about to take a step down a path she would never be able to turn back from. The sensation, though seemingly ludicrous, settled into her stomach as she set out on the familiar trek.

The shop was dark when she arrived, but she tugged her key from her pocket, pushing in out of the cold. The quiet stillness allowed her to collect her nerves and stow them away in the back of her mind. She had survived much worse than Ben Solo and his rich parents and their fancy party. She would survive this, too.

Making her way into the back office to change, Rey pulled the zipper down on the garment bag, allowing the vibrant red fabric to spill out. Tugging off her cozy leggings, long coat, sweater, and socks, she shivered from the draft that ran through the back of the old building. She pulled on her party attire with ease, buttoning the suit jacket carefully and sliding on the dreaded high heels.

It would be a miracle to not fall down a flight of stairs. Well, at least she would have something to concentrate on if nothing else.

She felt like an imposter, standing under the dim light, looking down at herself. And to think, she was doing all of this for an unpleasant, arrogant, and impossibly lonely man.

Her phone buzzed, snapping her to attention once again.

Be there in 5 minutes.

"Shit," She breathed before tugging her discarded clothes into her backpack to leave at the shop for retrieval during her next shift.

After taking the time to check that she had all she needed for the trip, she closed her eyes and took two deliberate deep breaths. No matter what, it would be less than 24 hours. She could endure 24 hours.

The heels on her feet forced a slow and steady walk to the door of the shop, where she retrieved her small suitcase. Leaving her staff next to the entrance felt wrong but she also didn't think bringing it to a party would send a friendly signal to anyone. Backing out of the door and placing the key in the lock, she slid her phone into her pocket and glanced around the street.

She knew the sleek black car two spots down the block belonged to Ben Solo before his long silhouette emerged from the driver seat. The moment his eyes caught sight of her, long coat unbuttoned to showcase her bright attire, he stopped for the briefest pause. His unguarded expression betrayed only the smallest shock before he pulled himself together and made his way toward her.

"Uh, hi," She said, taking in the familiar black cloak around his shoulders. He looked much the same as ever, though the evidence of a bow tie peeked out from under the silver clasp around his throat.

"Hi," His greeting rolled stiffly off his tongue before he pointed to her suitcase. "Let me…"

Gladly handing over the small case so she could focus on walking without breaking an ankle on the sidewalk, Rey watched him load it in the back of his car, carefully placing it next to his own black bag.

She made her way to the passenger side, momentarily baffled by the lack of door handle but after closer inspection, she found the proper groove to tug on just as he closed the back hatch. Secretly thankful he had not witnessed her fumbling, she lowered herself into the leather seat.

The inside of his car offered no additional glimpse into who Ben Solo might be, as the spotless interior and dark trimming all remained on-brand for him. The soft voice of a radio presenter hummed from the speakers but he cut the volume down before she could ascertain the topic of the broadcast.

"So," Rey cast about wildly, trying to think of anything to cut through the stifling awkwardness threatening to suffocate her in this tiny car. "Had a good week?"

Mentally she winced at asking such a stupid question. At least she hadn't mentioned the weather.

Glancing at her as he pulled up to a stop sign, he replied, "All things considered, I suppose."

How would she survive an hour of this? Why did coercing Ben Solo into conversation feel like pulling teeth? Determined not to sit in silence for an hour, she pushed again.

"I've been thinking," She began, controlling any nerves from leaking into her voice. "What will… people… expect us to know about each other?"

Careful to avoid any combination of the words parents, mother, family, or father, her question hung in the air for an extended moment before he responded.

"Yes, that thought occurred to me, as well," He glanced at his hands on the steering wheel. "I suppose we should… get to know each other."

While his tone remained calm, the bare-knuckle grip on the wheel gave way to his discomfort. She laughed, causing him to give her a sharp glance.

"Well, I'm not going to, I don't know, steal your identity or ask you about your deepest, darkest secrets," She smirked, but his dark eyes had returned to the highway. "But I should know more about you than I can read on the university's directory page."

Visibly relaxing his shoulders, he nodded, "Fine. What do you wish to know?"

Rey took her time, examining the steeled expression etched into his features, a marker of his distress at having to open up to anyone. Given her lack of history when it came to serious relationships, she tried to think of what would be expected knowledge for any relationship-platonic or otherwise.

"Favorite color?" She finally asked, throwing him a softball pitch.

"Red," He answered, perhaps a little too quickly, and the faint coloring on his cheekbones gave away his chagrin.

Rey turned to him in surprise, "Not black?"

It was his turn to smirk and his eyes flicked to her, "Black is convenient. Matches everything."

"Not navy," Rey interjected, thinking of the long lecture Kaydel had once given her for wearing black boots with a navy dress. "Interferes with your aura."

"Are you mocking me?' He asked, raising an eyebrow. His tone stayed controlled but she privately noted his tendency to assume others were laughing at him.

She rolled her eyes, "Not everything is about you, Dr. Solo."

Rey noticed a brief stiffening of his shoulders before he responded, "You should probably call me Ben. No need to give anyone the impression you're my student or-"

"Or that you have some weird kink for being called 'doctor' by close acquaintances?" Rey cut in, realizing a moment too late how suggestive her comment might sound. She felt her cheeks flush and worked to change the subject before he could notice or comment.

"What do you do for fun?" She asked, thinking his definition of fun probably differed considerably from her own.

"Run. Read." He answered shortly.

Trying to push any image of a sweaty Ben running without a shirt out of her brain, she added, "What do you read? I was under the impression you found literature to be a worthless area for exploration."

Her tone remained playful and she thought a ghost of a smile creased the edges of his lips before he responded, "I read a little bit of everything. Prominent science journals, historical nonfiction, some science fiction."

"I'm doing my dissertation partially on Frankenstein," She ejected, not sure why she would volunteer more fodder for his cannons, but she pushed on, "Specifically exploring orphans through the lens of 18th and 19th-century literature."

The quiet following her words settled on her in an almost oppressive sensation but rather than issuing any cutting remark, he asked, "When did you lose your parents?"

Though the question probably would've come up at some point, Rey felt the whiplash of the mood shift deep in her chest. She had answered his question over and over to all kinds of people, and yet, this felt like the most intimate thing he could've asked her.

"Uh," She started, trying to quell any grief from taking over her voice, "I was around 5 or so. They went out and… never came home. Protective services found me a few weeks later after a neighbor reported me for-" She pushed through, knowing she had nothing to be ashamed of despite her discomfort, "For eating from the dumpster."

She felt him shift to look at her but she didn't want to see it- the pity -in his eyes. She did not need pity from Ben Solo.

"What's your favorite color?" The unexpected question broke the uncomfortable tension, and she turned toward him incredulously. "It seems expected that I should know yours if you know mine."

"Blue." She said after a moment of thought. "Like the light blue of early morning."

The road continued to stretch before them as she glanced out of the windshield, taking in the snow piled on the edges of the highway. The exit signs flew by as she tried to gain some bearing of where they might be in their journey.

"What should I know about… your parents?" She figured if he had already ripped the bandaid off of old wounds, the time had come to ask the question she had put off until , he bristled but after a few seconds, he began speaking.

"You probably know my mother served as a diplomat for most of her life. She speaks around 8 languages... probably more since she retired. My father hosted one of the most-watched shows on public access television for two decades. He's also a licensed pilot," Ben paused then decided to finish his thought, "He wanted me to be a pilot, too. My uncles, Chewie and Lando, will likely be at the party. They're not my biological uncles, and you'll probably like them. Everyone does."

The bitterness in his voice exposed the vulnerability of his words but she waited patiently for him to continue.

"The last time I saw them… well, it wasn't a pleasant interaction for anyone, so don't be surprised if things aren't… smooth." He said quietly, then added impulsively, "Oh, and Dameron will be there, I'm sure."

Rey's heart lifted at the thought of having at least one kind face to turn to if needed.

"It'll be fine… Ben," She said in her most soothing voice, using his first name with intentional effort. "Are you an only child?"

"Yes." He said, glancing at her face as he changed lanes toward an exit. In pulling up to a traffic light, Ben sighed, checking the clock on his dashboard. The light blinked back that it was nearly 7 p.m.

"It's less than 24 hours," Rey said quietly, repeating her mantra out loud to him. "We can survive anything for that long."

As the light turned green, Ben gave a humorless chuckle, "You haven't met my family, yet."

Silence descended upon them once again, and the winding road led through a quaint village into a dark backroad. Ben navigated the journey with the ease of someone who had made it many times before.

"Is this where you grew up?" Rey asked, taking in the dark outline of the surrounding forest filled with pine trees covered in the dusting of snow.

Ben nodded, "When we weren't in Europe, anyway."

Rey tried to imagine young Ben then, growing up between international countries, all disproportional nose and ears, likely isolated from what it meant to just be a kid. She wondered how you make your own path while living in such a far-reaching shadow. Then again… what did she know about being a kid?

"This is the drive to the estate," He said calmly as they made a right turn. "I want to prepare you, my parents' home is… conspicuous. It's been in my mother's family for three generations."

Wondering why he felt the need to warn her, Rey squinted her eyes to try and see more clearly the path before them. The wooded drive offered one twisting lane to climb up leading toward their final destination.

"Rey," Ben's voice broke the silence after a few moments. She snapped her head over to glance at him in surprise. "Thank you… for agreeing to come. This is not ideal for me… but as you said, by this time tomorrow, we both will be free of obligation."

Her hurt at his words was cut short by the appearance of the large home, which knocked all the breath from her lungs. She knew Ben's family was rich, but the mansion at the end of the drive was next level. It felt like something out of a Jane Austen novel, and her head swam with the surreal prospect of having to go inside in her secondhand suit.

"I did warn you," Ben gave a brief chuckle while taking in her dumbstruck expression. "It's ostentatious… but it's home, I guess."

Rey suddenly felt very, very small. She gazed up at the carved marble arches as they approached the front entrance, wondering why anyone needed a house so large. The uncomfortable panic in her chest was swelling faster than she could suppress it.

"Are you-?" Ben started to ask, but with a Herculean effort, Rey pulled a smile on her face.

"I, uh, think I might be underdressed," She said, voice quivering an infinitesimal amount.

His eyes locked onto hers for a brief pause before he pulled off toward a side path along the western wing of the house, "Your outfit is perfectly sufficient."

Rey couldn't help it, the ridiculousness of the moment and his house and the use of the word sufficient sent her into a bout of laughter. The manic edge to her giggles might've signaled to someone who knew her better how distressed she felt, but Ben Solo did not know her well enough to pick up on her hysteria fully.

"The compliment all girls want to hear before a fancy party," She choked out between giggles. "How sufficient we look!"

Ben had parked the car and had turned to give her a cold glare, "I don't see the problem? Is sufficient not an accurate word choice?"

Wiping her eyes gently so as to not smear any of her painstaking work, Rey gave him an exasperated smirk, "It's what I would expect a robot pretending to be a person to say to a party date."

He studied her face for a long moment and then replied, "You… are better dressed than half the guests at this party will be… Is that better?"

Rey laughed again and said, "Sure…. Beep beep boop." She threw him a wink before adding, "Time to face the music."

Peering out of her window, she saw a small set of stairs leading up to a door set in a marbled archway. The staircase had lights wound up its stone banisters with precision, illuminating the path. She opened her door and climbed out carefully, thankful to stretch her legs and reacquaint herself with how to walk in high heels before heading into a room filled with people.

Ben unloaded the luggage carefully and pointed to the door, "That's the entrance to my…"

"Room?" She supplied helpfully but the impish grin on his gave her the impression 'room' would be an understatement of what awaited her on the other side of the intricately carved dark wooden door.

She followed him up the stairs, trying not to focus on his shoulders and the smooth way he carried the suitcases effortlessly. In her heels, her eyes were almost level with his own as he turned to place the suitcases down to open the door with a key fished out of his pocket. The closeness weighed on her-awkward and heavy-as he pushed the creaking door open.

The interior lights automatically triggered at the sense of motion through the doorway.

Rey surveyed her surroundings and understood his grin from before in an instant. This was no room. It was bigger than Finn and Rose's entire apartment. She wondered what it had been like to grow up with your own small house within a house. But then again… the drafty ceilings and splintering rooms emphasized loneliness.

"You can take the room down through there," He said, pointing his pale index finger toward a small halfway. "There is a bathroom attached. I'm down the opposite way."

Her head swimming slightly, Rey found her way to the room he had allotted for her. She placed her suitcase on the enormous bed, taking the beautiful furnishings, which must have been antique pieces. Part of her wanted to be as still as possible to avoid breaking anything in this meticulously assembled room.

She removed her overcoat, laying it out on the bed before walking into the large bathroom which led off her bedroom. The large vanity mirror inlaid in bright marble offered her the opportunity to fix any issues with her appearance. With shaking fingers she tugged the phone from her suit pocket and sent a group text to Rose and Finn.

I am in a literal mansion… and freaking out a little.

Instantly, Rose sent her reply, Don't be intimidated, honey. You belong there. We love you.

Finn's response came a second later, Take a million pictures! Does he sleep in a coffin? Just kidding… sort of. Love you!

Imagining Rose smacking Finn for his text gave cause for a smile to spread across her lips. Slightly cheered by her best friends, Rey sent back a string of emojis, which definitely included the barfing one, and slid the phone back in her pocket, knowing the time to enter the party was approaching quickly.

Cautiously, she made her way back into the central… sitting room? She didn't have time to ponder over room designations because she found Ben there, waiting patiently. Devoid of his cloak, he stood staring out the window, his black tux on full display. She realized he must have combed his hair because the soft onyx locks were back to that perfect carefully disheveled aesthetic she had noticed on Christmas. She took a moment to study him, face once again framed by holiday lights and eyes glistening. She realized he probably felt as frightened as she did at the prospect of leaving this sanctuary.

Awkwardly, she cleared her throat, causing him to spin and catch a full view of her. The red suit stood out vividly against the grey of the room they were occupying. He seemed to catch himself staring and worked quickly to look away.

"Guests will be arriving soon," He sighed. "I guess we're really doing this?"

He looked so young and so scared at that moment that the familiar aching pull at her heart from Christmas tugged once more. She fixed a bright smile on her face and extended her arm to him. When he allowed her to link her elbow through his, she looked at him with squinted eyes and said, "Hell yeah, we are."

Ben's suite led into a large hall, adorned with paintings and artifacts, and Rey felt overwhelmed by the high ceilings and opulence on display around her.

"You end up with a lot of junk when your mother is a diplomat and your father deals in antiques," Ben said simply, gesturing around at the relics placed on various pieces of furniture.

Rey's eyes took everything in with greed, focusing on the gilded frames and delicate vases, things she had only seen in museums or textbooks. Ben kept propelling them forward despite her many distractions.

"Do you have a library?" She asked, the thought hitting her all of a sudden.

He gave another humorless chuckle, "Yes. I'll show it to you later... it'll give us a reason to leave this godforsaken party for a moment, at least."

Giving him a genuine smile at the prospect, Rey returned to studying her surroundings. They were quickly approaching what appeared to be an open foyer area. Wide strings of garland wound up towering marble columns and she spied several large Christmas trees.

"Here we go," Ben managed through gritted teeth. He unwound his arm from her own and gestured with his hand to where a small group of people stood, chatting quietly.

Rey privately wished he had kept his warm arm laced through her own to present a united front but she also knew this evening was only meant to serve as an illusion of closeness. Setting her shoulders with more confidence than she actually felt, she followed him in approaching the group.

Immediately, she spotted his parents. Ben's father had the same disproportional nose and his features bore the markings of extreme handsomeness tempered by age. A small woman chatted animatedly by his side and the aura of command she exercised over the group befitted a career politician.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, Ben paused a few paces away from the gathering.

"Ben!" His mother dropped her conversation immediately to close the gap between her son and herself. She lifted her hands to his face, and the height difference would have been comical if Rey wasn't busy trying to keep her grief at bay. "I'm so glad you chose to come."

Uncomfortably stepping away from her hands, Ben nodded toward Rey, "This is Rey. Rey, this is my mother, Leia Organa Solo."

By this point, Ben's father had appeared next to his wife, giving his son a hard stare.

"Welcome, Rey. Please, call me Leia," The small woman smiled up to Rey with so much warmth it caused her cheeks to redden. Leia lifted a finger to poke the man next to her. "This is my husband. Han, please exercise your manners and greet our guests."

Not sure if she should laugh or not, Rey extended a hand to Han, who took it with a smirk and added, "I didn't curtsey to a royal family member one time and she'll never let me forget it. Nice to meet you, kid."

Ben fidgeted uncomfortably next to the affectionate welcome his parents displayed for Rey.

"Come say hello to your uncles, Ben," Han said finally, gesturing to the two men who had hung back while the Solos reunited with their only child. "And don't mention Chewie's haircut."

In strolling toward the other two guests, Rey felt Leia wind an arm through her elbow and heard her speak in a low voice, "I don't know how you got him to come here, but thank you."

Blushing again, Rey gave a small smile, "It was nothing, really. He asked me to come, actually."

Surely a half-truth wouldn't hurt anything.

"You can't fool me, dear," Leia winked. "I know my son. He must really care for you."

Those words hit Rey like cold water. Her heart constricted with the knowledge that on the contrary, Ben Solo found her "not remotely interesting enough to tempt" him. Pathetic to think she still wanted to attend this party and reunite such a gloomy man with his family.

"Rey, these are some of our oldest friends, Lando and Chewie," Leia was saying, bringing Rey back to the present to greet the two men.

Lando stood, cane in hand and a regal powder blue cape extending down his shoulders, with an affable smile stretched across his features. He leaned down to kiss each of her cheeks and Rey inhaled his spiced scent. She had rarely encountered anyone with his level of charm, except maybe Dr. Dameron.

"An honor," He flashed a blinding smile at her. "Don't mind my companion here, his English is not great."

She turned to the towering man at Lando's right, whose long hair frizzed out, obscuring part of his face, but he greeted her with enthusiasm in an accent she did not understand.

"She's Ben's date, Chewie," Han retorted, rolling his eyes apologetically at Rey, who had absolutely no idea what was happening.

Ben, hovering on the periphery of this conversation could not escape his uncles' attention much longer, and they both descended on him with such excitement Rey couldn't fathom why anyone wouldn't want to come home to these people.

"So, kid, how'd you two meet?" Han asked Rey, who glanced at Ben.

"He knocked me to the ground on campus," Rey answered honestly, and Ben's eyes flashed to her. "It was raining. He didn't even help me up-I thought he had no manners at all."

Leia shook her head but a smile lined her lips, "Good grief, Ben."

"I didn't realize you were on the ground until you popped up in front of me," Ben responded defensively. "Then you called me an asshole or something and stormed off!"

Han barked out a laugh as Rey turned scarlet at the memory.

"But I forgave him for his rudeness when I realized he requires a hazardous amount of caffeine to function as a human being," Rey smiled ruefully.

Ben rolled his eyes, "A triple espresso really isn't that much caffeine."

Forgetting they were surrounded by others, Lando reminded her when he cut into their conversation, "You two remind me of Leia and Han."

Examining Ben's guarded expression, Rey wondered if Lando's words should be taken as a compliment.

"Not true," Leia snorted, saving Rey from needing to respond. "I could never pull off that suit."

Just then, a pencil-thin gentleman appeared, a frazzled expression on his smooth face, "Madam, your guests are beginning to arrive. Should I open the front doors?"

Leia glanced back at the small group gathered next to her then flashed a smile, "Yes, Threepio. Go ahead. We're as ready as we'll ever be."

"Speak for yourself," Han and Ben muttered under their breath in unison.

Leia shot them both a disapproving glance and then took Rey's hand in hers, "Come on, dear. Let's head into the reception hall."

The overwhelming sensation returned as Rey entered the cavernous space, which featured three roaring fireplaces and was decorated with gold trimmings. Imagining this as a ballroom from a different time, Rey gazed up at the ceiling, which was adorned with a fresco of angels.

"It's obnoxious, I know," Leia chortled. "My mother's family were not known for their subtlety."

As Ben, alongside his father and uncles, made his way into the hall, Rey hoped for a chance to fade into the background before the guests would trickle in, all undoubtedly interested in speaking with Ben's mother.

Thankfully, Ben stepped in at her side and quietly muttered to her, "The library is off this hall, come on."

Retreating from his family, Ben tugged Rey toward an archway near the far end of the room. He pushed the creaking door open and led the way into a dimly lit room. Rey breathed in the smell of old books and dust with relish as Ben flicked on more lights.

The library offered an impressive number of shelves, complete with a rolling ladder, which Rey had only ever seen in movies.

"Wow," She gushed, strolling the length of the room. "This is… wonderful."

Ben's eyes followed her as she traced the length of the cases of worn books, "I spent a lot of time in here as a child."

When she didn't respond, he added, "I hope my family hasn't overwhelmed you."

Rey turned and gave a hardy laugh, "Everything about this place is overwhelming."

"Well, you've won them over," Ben responded and Rey found no trace of malice in his words. "Even Han seems to like you."

Peering into one of the shelves featuring prominent books on philosophy, Rey said, "Well, they seem to like you just as much. I mean, you led me to believe we would be walking into a den of, I don't know, pit vipers?"

The tightening in Ben's jawline conveyed the flare in his temper, "They're always on their best behavior in front of others. I wouldn't expect you to understand."

Rey shrugged, "I don't but it seems like they are trying to mend things. Especially your mum."

Sighing, Ben glanced at the shelves instead of his companion, "We should get back. She'll notice we disappeared soon. She'll want to show off her prodigal son."

Once again bitterness encompassed his words and instead of pushing the matter, she merely followed him back out of their moment of respite. In re-entering the hall, the pair discovered several dozen guests mingling at the standing tables and lining up at the bar stations at either end of the room.

"Ben! I thought your mom was bullshitting me when she said you were here!" The boisterous tone of Dr. Dameron's voice carried over the din from his position at a table near where they emerged.

At the sight of her, Dr. Dameron seemed rendered totally speechless for the first time since Rey had met him. She gave a small smile, "Hey, Dr. Dameron."

"Absolutely not!" He rebuffed with an expression of indignation. "We are not at the shop or the university. I refuse to be called 'Dr. Dameron' at a party."

Ben gave his friend a cold glare, "Poe, quit harassing my guest and hand us one of those glasses."

Obligingly, Poe handed over two flutes of champagne, "You're literally the last person I expected to see here. When Leia said 'Rey', I never made the connection."

Rey gave a quick glance to Ben. How far would this deceit go? She settled on responding with, "It's a long story."

Sipping at her glass, she then turned to take in the other guests assembled. Most appeared to be the same age as Ben's parents, dripping in wealth and grandeur. Rey had never felt more like an imposter in her entire life.

"Don't let it fool you," Poe offered to her, leaning across the table. "Most of these people are the fucking worst."

Rey let out a giggle at his words, "Beats mopping the floors at the shop and listening to Finn sing off-key, at any rate."

"Yeah, you're a regular Cinderella tonight," Poe smirked. "But with pants."

"More practical," Rey retorted.

Aware of Ben glowering next to her, she turned to gauge what had sent him into a bad mood so quickly. Poe rolled his eyes and thumped his friend on the shoulder, "Relax, buddy. I'm not trying to steal your date. It's called being nice. You should try it sometime!"

Ben gave Poe a withering gaze but the older man appeared immune to the expression and told Rey in a mock-whisper, "Ben doesn't share well with others."

Once again, Rey felt the sting of 1,000 little cuts. Perhaps agreeing to come and let people believe what they wanted was not the smartest plan in the world, after all. She certainly didn't want to linger on the thought of why it hurt her so much to feel the truth of their situation.

But Ben's gaze had hardened as he stared at the entrance to the reception hall. Following his line of sight, Poe breathed a low, "Shit."

Turning her head in interest, Rey spotted a gentleman in a black suit, his dark grey beard and hair trimmed neatly. He was greeting Leia with a kiss on the cheek. Rey casually observed the similarities in his face when compared with Ben's mother.

"I need some air," Ben stated before storming off toward the other end of the hall, leaving Rey bewildered and looking to Poe for answers.

Poe's eyes followed his friend's retreating form with pity. "Sorry, Rey. I guess he hasn't told you about Luke?"

At her confused head shake, Poe continued, "Luke is Leia's twin brother… Ben's uncle. He runs Skywalker Publishing Corporation."

Rey's jaw fell open. Skywalker Publishing had emerged as a leading company in the print world within the last decade.

"Well, Ben and his uncle had a falling out after Ben's novel went to number one on the best seller's list-"

"What!? " Rey's sharp gasp cut into Poe's story. She had to sit her glass on the table to keep from dropping it.

Poe blinked at her, "Damn. I thought you knew Ben was a published author. He wrote Knights of Ren."

Feeling dizzy at this, Rey clutched the table for support. Knights of Ren had been her favorite book from the year of its release. And to think, she had been standing right next to its author the entire night.

"He published it under a pseudonym, despite what his uncle wanted," Poe added. "Anyway, when it became a massive hit, Ben refused to write another novel for Skywalker and instead sold the rights to his follow-up novel to First Order Publishers. Of course, he never actually finished that one. I don't know why he did it. He's a mystery, our Ben."

Rey steadied her breaths and managed, "I guess so."

"Look, don't tell Ben I told you all of that. He's pretty private about that shit. But he also shouldn't be storming out and leaving his date with no explanation, either," Poe finished then gestured over her shoulder. "He's on the balcony, I think."

Turning from the table without a further response, Rey traced Ben's steps out to a terrace off the hall. She found him standing alone under the moonlight, his breath curling into a mist.

"Sorry," He offered briskly.

She shrugged, "I needed some air, too."

Pushing away the cold sensation seeping into her skin, she joined him next to the railing, studying the bright stars dotting the sky above them. Trying not to think about how little she knew about the man next to her, she traced Orion's Belt and the Big Dipper.

"I don't know why I came back here," He muttered finally.

Instead of responding to his statement, Rey gazed up into his dark eyes and steadied her nerves.

"Let the past die. Kill it if you have to, " She quoted faithfully. "It's the only way you become what you were meant to be. "

He gazed down at her in shock, "Fucking Dameron."

"Don't blame him. He only told me because you stormed off," She retorted. "You know, that book got me through the first year of my graduate studies."

Ben Solo turned his gaze up to the sky, allowing the moonlight to highlight the pinkness of his nose and lips. For the first time, Rey permitted her consciousness to give voice to her feelings. He was striking, beautiful even, under the bright glow of the full moon above them.

"Kylo Ren was my escape from all this," He gestured around himself. "My escape from my parents' suffocating expectations. My mother wanted me to be a senator. My father wanted me to be a pilot. I just wanted to be me. I know it sounds petulant, but after 20 years of expectations and lessons and etiquette training, I was sick of it all."

Rey watched the mist furl from his lips with interest, not daring to interrupt his confessional.

"But then being Kylo Ren became just as exhausting. When I completed my Ph.D., I decided to leave and be Dr. Solo," He finished, somewhat lamely.

Nodding in understanding, Rey gently stated, "So that's why you haven't been home in 5 years."

"It's part of it," He shrugged, glancing down at her. "I just couldn't deal with their pity and disappointment. Especially… Luke's."

He hissed out his uncle's name as an angry distorted expression appeared on his face.

"You know," Rey prodded. "You're the only one who gets to decide if you're a disappointment or not."

Ben gave another of his humorous chuckles, "You sound like a therapist."

"I guess Rose is rubbing off on me," Rey smiled. "But, I think you should stop hiding in your own shadow. Kylo Ren… Dr. Solo… Why not try just being Ben for once?"

Blinking at her question, Ben's response was cut short by the appearance of Poe in the doorway, "C'mon love birds, Leia is about to give her speech."

Rey turned to Ben, who nodded briefly and took her hand in his large palm. Thankful to leave the freezing balcony, she followed him back into the reception hall, where she saw Leia holding a microphone and beaming at the gathered audience. Han and Luke were still clustered near the entrance to the hall, deep in passionate conversation.

"Thank you, everyone, for coming out to our small party tonight at Alderaan Estate," Leia winked. "We continue to be blessed with your friendship and patronage to our many philanthropic pursuits. I'm delighted to announce our latest fundraiser totaled nearly $500,000 to benefit local children."

A smattering of applause passed around the room before she continued, "Tonight is an extra special occasion. I am grateful to be surrounded by my entire family, including our son, Dr. Ben Solo."

The uncomfortable shift of the room's attention to where she and Ben stood, hand in hand, like two deer caught in the headlights caused Rey's stomach to flip. She squeezed his hand tightly as if to say, Don't you dare let go.

He didn't. Instead, he gave a slight inclination of his head toward his mother and she continued, "He takes after his father. Not one for giving speeches." A round of polite chuckles greeted her words and Ben visibly relaxed when the room's attention moved away from him once more.

"As we head into a new year, I hope you all will continue supporting our foundation's mission of empowering abandoned children and supporting women and girls across the world in the pursuit of their dreams," Leia's serious tone lingered in the air. "Please enjoy the rest of your evening. Don't leave before midnight or you will miss the fireworks show!"

As she finished, Rey turned to Ben, wondering how many surprises she could take in one evening, "Your mother runs a charity for abandoned children?"

A guilty expression colored Ben's face, "It's one of many she oversees. Her foundation provides funding for orphans to attend college or pursue a career in the arts."

This piece of information hit Rey squarely in the chest, knocking the breath from her lungs. These people… The Solos… What if-

"They don't operate in England, currently," Ben responded to her expression.

Grateful to not owe anything to anyone in the room with her, Rey nodded, not trusting her voice to work properly. Poe, seeming to have not heard any of the exchange between them, grinned and handed another round of champagne flutes to his friends.

Rey felt sick-not from the few drinks she had consumed but by the shameless display of wealth she found herself standing in, surrounded by people who could help millions if they would loosen their grip on greed. Even Ben, pensively observing the room, probably held a net worth of more than Rey could fathom.

"You alright, Rey?" Poe asked gently, placing a hand on her shoulder.

She forced her eyes to meet his and found a warm concern etched into his handsome features. His eyes held no trace of his usual joking manner and Rey felt fully exposed under his gaze. Do not cry, she commanded herself.

"I just need…" But instead of finishing her thought, she pulled away and made a brisk beeline to the end of the room, trying to ascertain where a bathroom might be.

Stumbling into the first open door she could locate, Rey froze at the sight of two men in the middle of what appeared to be a fierce quarrel. The narrow serving room only featured a few dim lights, but she easily identified her fellow occupants.

"Don't make things harder on Leia," Han growled in a low voice, pushing a finger in Luke's face. "You owe her that much… Ben coming home is all she's spoken about for weeks."

Luke's expression remained impassive as he responded, "Perhaps you should pull yourself together in front of our guest."

Han's head snapped up and Rey tried not to look like an eavesdropper as she offered an awkward wave. Rey sensed Han did not have his wife's tact for diplomacy and with great effort, he pulled himself together.

"Sorry, I, uh…" Rey cast about for any viable excuse besides saying, I wanted to hide in here to cry because I am totally overwhelmed.

"Don't worry, kid," Han offered gruffly, then moved closer to the counter. "Want some coffee? This old machine still makes a decent cup."

So that's where Ben had gotten his unhealthy intake behaviors from. "Um, no thank you."

Luke rolled his eyes at his brother-in-law and offered a hand to Rey, "Luke Skywalker."

Not knowing what else to do, Rey took his hand and said, "I know. I'm Rey."

"Leia tells me you are pursuing your doctorate in literature," His words sounded friendly but his eyes held no real warmth as he spoke. "We are always looking for pitches at Skywalker Publishing."

"For Christ's sake, Luke, leave the girl alone," Han huffed, pulling two mugs from a nearby cabinet and pouring a generous amount of dark liquid into both. As if on autopilot, he dropped two sugar cubes in both cups and stirred.

Rey followed his line of sight out of the small window, "Is that your plane?"

Looking genuinely happy for the first time that evening, Han gave a roguish grin, "Yeah. Leia hates when I leave it out… Says it's tacky. But it's easier to do repairs this way."

"Do you fly, Rey?" Luke asked in a mild tone.

For Rey, who had never so much as driven a car, the question caused her to snort and respond, "Uh, no. But I can appreciate the complex mechanics required to fly."

Han's eyes widened and he offered, "I could show you tomorrow if you like?"

"That would be amazing," Rey grinned, allowing her excitement to push the discomfort from before out of her mind for the moment.

Hoisting the two cups from the counter, Han shot her a rueful grin, "I can't keep the princess waiting. It's almost time for fireworks."

He left the room then, abandoning Rey to Luke's company. His expression held the same impassive neutrality she had observed when he first entered the party.

"It's nice to see Ben happy," He offered after an awkward pause, raising his eyes to hers and holding her gaze steady. "But you should be wary."

Rey felt her temper threatening to flare but she managed to sound disinterested when she asked, "And why is that?"

The older man sighed heavily and Rey thought she saw the fleeting appearance of grief pass over his gnarled features, "Because he is… volatile. He hurts those who love him with little remorse afterward."

Gathering herself to her full height, Rey stared evenly at Luke Skywalker with contempt, "Maybe those who confess to love him would do better to show that affection, rather than tell others about it."

She turned and hurried from the room, wringing her hands with frustration. What a mess this evening was turning out to be. As she worked back toward the reception hall, she found the foyer filled with guests making their way into the cold grand front balcony to watch the planned firework display.

Spotting Poe and Ben lingering behind, she made her way to them, noting how much her feet were beginning to groan with discomfort and tiredness.

"Rey!" Poe greeted her enthusiastically. She wondered how many glasses of champagne he'd drunk throughout the course of the evening. "I was just telling Ben that it must be nice to have someone to kiss at midnight for a change."

Rey noticed a red flush creep into Ben's otherwise placid features at Poe's words.

"I am sure any of the elderly women present this evening would be more than willing to oblige you," Ben retorted in a cool tone. "In fact, a number of the elderly men here would likely also not object."

Laughing with good humor, Poe reached up to sling an arm around Ben's shoulders, "Touché, old friend."

Ben turned to Rey and asked, "Are you… well?"

Restraining herself from laughing at Ben's attempt at being a compassionate human being, Rey nodded with a shrug. "Ran into your dad. He was making coffee."

Making a noncommittal noise, Ben returned his gaze to the crowd now gathered on the balcony. Poe was busy checking his watch before flashing a grin at Rey, "Two minutes till midnight, c'mon, lovebirds. The fireworks are why I keep coming back to this shindig each year."

"And the free booze," Ben muttered under his breath as Poe pulled him along in his wake. Rey trailed them, fatigued both emotionally and physically as the evening drew closer to midnight. She didn't usually manage to stay awake past 10 p.m., so pushing into the early morning hours was asking quite a lot of her half-functioning brain.

Stifling a yawn and finding a free spot to stand, she found herself sandwiched between Ben and his father.

"It's good luck to kiss at midnight," Leia smirked at Poe, who had apparently not dropped his kissing-at-midnight talking point despite the location change.

Han nudged Ben, who jumped a little from the direct contact, "See why I'm so lucky, kid?"

Rey sensed heat rush to her cheeks and felt grateful for the cold air to temper the flush in her face. All of a sudden, someone began counting down at the top of their voice and the rest of the crowd fell in quickly.

10… 9…

Ben turned to look at her, his father still smirking and Poe clapping him on the back.

8… 7… 6…

Rey watched his expression shift as a resolve entered his dark eyes as they reflected the bright moonlight back to her. He abruptly leaned in so close to her she could smell the mix of spearmint and champagne on his breath.

5… 4… 3…

"Is this okay?" He muttered in a low voice, ensuring none of their company could hear him.

2… 1…

Rey's heart skipped a beat as she gave a brief inclination of her head in response.

The booming fireworks peppered the sky as Ben Solo leaned down and gently placed his soft lips against hers. Her mouth moved instinctively, not bothering to wait for her brain's permission. For that stretch of time, the universe seemed to contain only them, two lonely people spinning between stars, and Rey forgot that her circumstances were an illusion. She forgot to care whether or not her furious heartbeats thudded loud enough for everyone in their vicinity to hear. She forgot to guard herself against the wrecking ball of desire.

All that mattered was the electricity shooting through her every nerve, despite the numbing cold trying to seep into her skin. The warmth of Ben's hand cupping her jaw in one hand anchored her to him. A dizzying moment later, he pulled away, his expression unreadable in the fading lights of the fireworks.

Shit. Rey thought, staring up at his face, searching for answers to all the questions she couldn't bring herself to ask. What have I gotten myself into?

The party showed no signs of slowing down even after the final firework lit up the sky. After Ben stepped away from her, muttering about needing another drink, Rey found herself on a small bench near the entrance to the foyer, half-hidden behind a curtain from everyone and fighting with her eyelids.

With the sound of voices above her, Rey slowly came to, realizing with creeping embarrassment that she had actually fallen asleep in the middle of a party. That was a new record for her. Two large hands wrapped around behind her back and under her knees. Suddenly, she found herself being hoisted into the air.

"What- " She started, her speech slurred from sleep.

"Don't worry," A familiar voice murmured. "You're okay."

The pull of sleep returned to her consciousness and between the mixture of the lateness of the hour and the glasses of champagne she had consumed, she found it impossible to keep her eyes open.

This is a strange dream, she contemplated as the sound of distorted conversation and noise surrounded her.

"Thanks for coming, I think it helped Rey feel more comfortable," Was that Ben?

"No problem, man," Another familiar voice responded in a hushed tone. "Y'know, she seems good for you."

A long pause. "I think… She might be too good for me."

"Ben, cut that emo shit out," That's Poe, her sleepy brain told her. "It's not a crime to feel happy, y'know?"

A deep sigh. "It's complicated."

"Yeah, yeah," Poe snorted. "Just… don't fuck this one up, okay? The universe is only gonna give you so many chances."

"See you in a few days," Ben muttered curtly. "And… don't mention this to anyone at work."

"My lips are sealed," Came Poe's good-humored response. "I will be telling BB8, though."

Vaguely, dream Rey wondered who BB8 was, but before she could finish the thought the darkness crept back into her mind and she found her dream changing.

Bright. Her brain sluggishly registered daylight hitting her face. Daylight?

Sitting bolt upright, she found herself in her bed, still in her suit, which would now definitely need to be dry cleaned before she could return it. Looking around the room, she saw a note placed on her bedside table.

Breakfast is at 10. I'll meet you in our common room at 9:45 if you're awake.

Pulling her phone from her pocket with alarm, she found it was a quarter until 9 a.m. Breathing a sigh of relief, she then realized she had missed about 50 messages and several calls from Finn and Rose.

I swear to GOD, if we don't hear from you in the morning, I will call the police, Rose had sent just after midnight.

Sorry! I fell asleep at the party. Not sure how I got back to my room … Rey responded quickly, not keen on having the police show up to Ben's familial home because her best friends were wary she had been murdered.

OMG. Are you okay? Finn responded first, likely because he had drawn the opening shift.

Yes. You know I turn into a pumpkin after midnight. She wrote, then followed her message with another to distract him. Dr. Dameron was here last night.

Finn expressed his reaction with a series of skull and crossbones emojis.

I have to get ready for breakfast. Promise I will let you know when I am home this evening. Love you!

Don't expect me to forget that you just dropped a NUCLEAR bomb and then said kthxbai! Finn sent back, and Rey giggled, laying her phone on the table to charge while she showered.

Stumbling into the large bathroom, she took in her appearance. Well, her hair had certainly looked better, and her eye makeup had ended up on her temples, but all-in-all she found herself impressed by Rose's makeup selections.

Carefully removing her borrowed suit and hairpins, she faced the shower, which featured four knobs. Some trial and error later, she stepped into the warm spray, thinking about the last thing she remembered from the night before.

Of course, that line of thought led her straight back to the balcony, Ben's lips pressed against her own in front of a whole host of witnesses, including her new boss?

In the light of day, Rey felt the stupidity of all her choices since Christmas morning collapsing upon her. She ran her fingers through her hair, working to remove any knots from the hairspray she had applied the day before. As she relaxed her shoulders and attempted to empty her mind, memories flickered before her closed eyes.

Someone lifting her from a bench. Two men discussing not fucking something up. Being placed on a soft surface. A finger brushing her cheek.

Shaking her head, she snapped back to the present. Working to expedite her shower, she tried to push the thought of kissing Ben from her mind. She wouldn't think about the roughness of his hands against her cheek. She wouldn't linger on the zero-gravity effect his touch inflicted upon her stomach. She wouldn't unpack knowing her favorite author was waiting for her at the end of the hallway.

Stepping out and pulling a towel to herself, she shivered in the drafty room, staring at her reflection. Cinderella had been washed away and what was she left with? Just… Rey.

After toweling her hair dry, she moved to retrieve her clothes for breakfast. Pulling on her comfortable olive jumper and khaki trousers gave her a blanket of security. She worked to pull her hair into the standard three buns before grabbing her toothbrush from the toiletry case.

In glancing at her phone, she realized she needed to meet Ben in five minutes. Pulling on her socks and boots with haste, her fingers fumbled on the laces and she worked to quell the nerves of having to be face-to-face with him so soon after the kiss and then promptly falling asleep and having to be carried to bed. The whole ordeal was humiliating to think about.

Taking a few deep breaths in, Rey reminded herself, in a few hours she would be back in her apartment. She could handle whatever came before then. Setting her shoulders, she pushed her door open and strolled down the short hallway.

She discovered him, sitting in one of the modern chairs near the unlit fireplace, a book in his lap, looking more relaxed than Rey would have imagined.

"Uh, hi," She started awkwardly, twisting her fingers behind her back where he wouldn't be able to see.

His eyes snapped up to her, expression guarded once more, "Good morning."

"Sorry about, uh, falling asleep," She said sheepishly. "I should've warned you that I don't do well past midnight."

He closed his book, eyes softening slightly as she finished her apology, "No need to apologize. I benefited from your exhaustion, too."

She raised an eyebrow and he added, "I was able to leave the party far earlier than usual. Win-win."

His black sweater cascaded over the hem of his jeans but it was tight across the shoulders. She tried not to stare. As he stood, she took in their height difference once more, glancing up at his neutral expression. He looked tired, and as she traced his long features lit in the soft morning light, she found her eyes lingering on his mouth.

"We should head to breakfast," He ejected abruptly, tearing his eyes away from her face.

Mentally slapping herself for acting so strange, Rey attempted to shake off the awkward tension from the night before and smiled up at him.

"I'm starving. Please tell me you rich people eat normal food?" She teased as she followed him into the hall.

He gave an easy smile that gripped at the edges of her heart, "Caviar and escargot, exclusively, sorry."

Crinkling her nose, she shoved his shoulder with her own, "Easy for you, since you only require triple espressos and the blood of undergraduates."

His laugh came, unexpected, and just as much a bark as his father's, "Ah, I see the vampire rumors are alive and well."

"I serve enough of your students to believe there might be some truth in those rumors," She winked as they turned the end of the hall and he led her off down a passage she had yet to explore in the enormous house.

"Maybe I should look into getting a coffin installed in my office," He offered, a mock-contemplative expression flashing across his face.

Rey shook her head, "No, I heard you sleep upside down, hanging from the rafters… Although I know better. Someone who takes in as much caffeine as you is incapable of sleep."

They had arrived at the doorway into a small dining area, and he paused to roll his eyes, "You know, now that you've figured it out, I have to kill you, right?"

"I always did want to be the subject of a hit true-crime podcast," She smiled, elbowing him as they made their way into the room.

Leia and Han were already seated at a beautiful oak table, complete with intricately carved legs featuring a forest scene. Leia's hair was braided into a less complicated pattern than the night before. Han appeared much the same but he had traded his tux for jeans and a flannel shirt. Ben's family looked odd in juxtaposition with their ornate surroundings.

"Morning," Han offered, placing the newspaper he had been reading on the table. "You know, it's pretty sad when we old folks can outlast you at a party."

Rey colored at his statement and Leia tutted at her husband in response, "Young people have better things to do than listen to a bunch of old rich people talk shop."

Unsure if there was a seating arrangement she should know about, she followed Ben's lead. He gestured at the seat next to his across from his mother. Rey sat carefully, observing the spread on the table. The amount of food laid out suggested a small army would be joining.

"I didn't know what you liked," Leia said, a little sheepish. "I got a little carried away."

Rey's eyes snapped up to the older woman, "You made all of this?"

Giving her son a look of reproach, Leia said, "I guess Ben hasn't told you about my love for cooking. It's very therapeutic."

"Well, it's a relatively new hobby for you," Ben said, pointedly looking over his mother's shoulder. "Threepio did most of the cooking when I lived here."

Sensing the chill entering the conversation, Rey felt compelled to shift the subject.

"Han offered to show me his plane today," She smiled, reaching to accept a mug of coffee from Ben's father.

"Oh, Lord, not that piece of junk," Leia sighed, rolling her eyes. "You do not have to humor him, dear."

"Rey is a mechanic," Ben added abruptly, causing everyone at the table to turn to him, including Rey.

"Oh, I thought you were a doctoral student?" Leia asked with confusion etched into her smooth features.

"I am," Rey said, still trying to read Ben's intentions. "But I think what Ben means is I enjoy fixing things."

"No, you are a natural at fixing things," Ben argued. Rey continued to stare at him. Why would he not let this go?

"Really? I appreciate a gal who gets her hands dirty," Han chuckled until a look from Leia caused him to return to seriousness. "I just mean it's nice to have someone around who can appreciate the Falcon."

Leia shook her head at Rey, obviously trying to suppress a laugh, "Men are awful. Solo men doubly so. Here, let me get you something to eat."

As Leia spooned more food than Rey would ever be able to fit into her stomach onto a plate, she looked at Ben, who while not relaxed did appear slightly less constipated than usual as he sipped from his mug, perusing the paper his father had discarded.

"So, Rey," Leia said after a few moments of eating in silence had passed. "Ben hasn't told us much about you, I'm afraid."

"Le- Mom," Ben corrected himself. "Leave it alone."

"Ben, I think I have a right to ask my guests harmless questions," Leia retorted, and Rey saw quite clearly how her son came by his stubborn nature.

Glancing between his wife and son, Han shot Rey a shrug from across the table before returning to his scrambled eggs and bacon. Leia and Ben remained locked in an intense staredown, neither willing to break the tension.

"Well, you know I'm a doctoral student and I can fix things," Rey said, trying to smooth both parties over. "Not much more, really. I work at a local coffee shop near campus. Oh, and I'll be TAing for Dr. Dameron in the spring."

Leia broke away first, smiling at Rey, and her pleasure at getting her way came through in her demeanor, "When did you leave England?"

"Mom," Ben said, his temper flaring. Under the table, Rey lay her hand across his and squeezed.

"It's fine, Ben," She added. "Um, I moved here to start graduate school about four years ago."

"Long way to be away from family," Han interjected, unaware that he was hovering over the grenade Ben had tried to avoid for her sake.

But Rey had spent too many years unlearning her shame of where she came from to be embarrassed now. The worst part of sharing her story was always the pity but something told her the two people sitting across from her were different.

"I don't have any, actually," Rey grimaced. "Family, I mean. I was orphaned shortly after my fifth birthday."

Han dropped his piece of toast and Leia sat back as if struck. Ben studied his parents carefully but he did not remove his hand from where it rested underneath her own. The rough texture of his palm turning up to meet hers caused a new set of fluttering in her chest.

"Chosen family is often worth more than bloodlines anyway, in my opinion," Han said, retrieving his toast.

Han's words conjured images of Finn's kind dark face greeting her that first morning in the shop, and of Rose's careful brush strokes on her nails two days prior. She thought of the laughter and love she had carved out for herself in a world that had tried to take it from her.

"Well, speaking of birthdays," Leia said tactfully, likely sensing the raw emotion in Rey's expression. "Sorry we missed yours, Ben. Did you two do anything fun?"

Rey felt her hand constrict from shock from its position over Ben's. How had they failed to discuss something as basic as birthdays? She had absolutely nothing to try and deduce a birthday from given their few sparse conversations.

"I was out of town for a conference," Ben supplied easily. "Dameron managed to get into my office and stuff all my drawers with cotton balls and hid a teddy bear in the ceiling that sang 'Happy Birthday' on repeat."

Rey choked back a laugh, knowing she should not give away that this was her first time hearing the story. Being aware of how much Ben hated being laughed at, she quickly took a gulp of coffee to prevent a smile from creeping across her face.

"Poor Poe," Leia chuckled. "Maybe one day he'll grow up… But it's probably good for you to have him around."

The rest of breakfast passed quickly, with Rey idly chatting about her dissertation and job with Leia while Han and Ben seemed to ignore each other with practiced ease. As it neared 11, Leia stood, collecting dishes to transport to the kitchen.

"Please, let me help you," Rey interjected, reaching to pick up a platter of leftovers, and with the familiarity of one who had worked many service industry jobs, she stacked dishes along her arm.

"You won't hear me refuse help with cleaning up," Leia laughed, leading the way to the kitchen. "My parents used to keep paid help but that seems ridiculous when only two people are living here."

Rey smiled, carefully setting her load of dirty plates on the counter, "I can't imagine the upkeep."

Shrugging, Leia started the tap and began pulling dishes into the sink, "My secretary, Threepio, handles a lot of it. He served my father before me, and I don't know how he's still working. Sometimes I think he must run on electricity."

In comfortable silence, Rey rinsed and dried each item handed to her by the older woman.

"I met your brother last night," Rey finally admitted.

Not looking surprised at this piece of information, Leia nodded, a small sadness visible in her expression. "Poor Luke. His heart is too big. Like Han. And Ben."

"Not you?" Rey asked, giving Leia a puzzled glance.

Leia's humorless chuckle sounded a lot like her son's and she responded carefully, "Life taught me to guard my heart… Until Han came along and stole it before I knew what was happening."

Another few moments of silence followed before Leia continued, "Luke is a good man, Rey. Whatever Ben might've told you-"

"He's never really mentioned Luke, honestly," Rey interjected quickly, happy to be fully honest about something for a change.

"I suppose that's not surprising," Leia sighed. "Ben worshipped his uncle for a long time. I think it's hard for kids to grow up and realize what a mess adults really are, underneath it all."

Trying to resist the urge to pry, Rey hummed a soft ascent, though she had been exposed to how messy adults were far too early in her life to really understand Leia's point.

"Ben and Luke both made mistakes," Leia said, pulling the stopper to drain the sink. "But they're too stubborn to forgive themselves and admit their disappointment in each other is just what happens when you put people on a pedestal."

Rey studied the older woman's face, the fine lines around her eyes conveying an old sadness, "I know I wasn't the mother Ben deserved. I tried to do too much… To prove I was different. Luke offered him the parent that Han and I couldn't be."

Feeling a little awkward hearing all of this about a man she barely knew, Rey shifted uncomfortably and turned to hide her face under the pretense of wiping her hands.

"But Luke didn't know how to parent any better than we did. His disappointment was the final straw, I suppose. I lost my son for five years, but he had been slipping away for much longer," The last words came out as a melancholic whisper. The soft hands of Ben's mother wrapped around her own, hidden under a kitchen towel.

Turning to see the sadness replaced by bright hopefulness in Leia's eyes caused guilt to flood Rey's stomach, "I can never express to you how much I appreciate you bringing him home, Rey. I've never seen him like this… so… free."

Swallowing the grief surging in her throat, Rey gently extracted her hands to place the towel back on its designated hook. This was more than she had signed up for when she had decided to take Ben Solo's hand under a dim streetlight. A tidal wave threatened to sweep her away from that moment until Han's voice broke into her thoughts.

"Ready to see the Falcon, kid?" Han's head appeared around the doorframe. "Ben said he needed to finish revising a draft about something I won't even attempt to pronounce."

Thankful to have the opportunity for respite from Leia's overwhelming gratitude, Rey grinned.

"Ben brought your coat," Han offered, extending the puffy jacket toward her. "He said you might get lost trying to retrieve it or be stubborn enough to freeze to death while I, and I quote, 'drone on and on about that piece of garbage.' So charming."

"Wonder where he gets that from?" Leia smirked, watching Rey don her coat before pointing to Han and adding, "Do not keep her out there all morning. If you see her so much as yawn once…"

"Yeah, yeah, your majesty, I promise," Han rolled his eyes and gestured for Rey to follow him toward a door leading off the kitchen. "C'mon, kid, I want to see what you make of Chewie's upgrades."

Following Han into the frigid morning air, Rey enjoyed the warmth of the sun on her face despite the cool breeze ruffling her hair. He trekked down to where his small plane sat, reflecting the clear sky back at them.

Han, not a man for idle chit chat Rey had learned, set about retrieving a tool case from the plane's front seat and opened a panel, exposing the engine to her. Taking in the complicated inner workings, Rey smiled unconsciously.

"Chewie installed something new for me last week, but now I'm having trouble with picking up speed," Han muttered gruffly. "The hyperdrive keeps overheating."

Examining the area he was pointing toward, Rey peered up at him, "Why not just bypass it?"

Blinking in the sunlight at her, Han seemed at a full loss for words, "Huh. Bypass it… Y'know, that might work."

"I will definitely work," Rey grinned. "Then you reduce the pressure building on the coupling unit near the sublight drive…" She tried to answer his stunned expression with a shrug. "I used to read a lot of old manuals."

"Don't sell yourself short, kid," Han grunted, working to carry out her suggestion before adding gruffly, "Hope Luke didn't bother you last night."

Not Luke again, Rey thought with exasperation but answered, "No. He just wanted to warn me… about Ben."

Han rolled his eyes, "Yeah, the Skywalkers love their drama. You'll get used to it."

For some reason, this casual reference of acceptance into his family caused tears to prick at the corners of her eyes. This was not her world. This was an illusion. These people would never be her family.

"Got it!" Han exclaimed, breaking into her reverie as he finished his work and shot her an impish grin. "Can't wait to blow Chewie's mind."

Rey watched as he folded his tools back into the bag before closing the panel. Turning back to face her, he said, "You'll have to come back in the summer and I'll take you up in her… You can leave Ben behind if you want to."

Swallowing back yet another wave of sadness at the thought of the Solos someday hearing from their son that he and Rey had parted ways-perhaps tragically, perhaps mutually-but no matter what, irreparably.

"C'mon, let's get back before Leia can accuse me of holding you hostage," He motioned at the path leading back toward the house.

"Thanks for, well," Rey began awkwardly, gesturing at the plane now behind them.

Barking out another laugh, Han nodded, "I don't know why you put up with Ben, but he's lucky to have found you, kid."

Not trusting her voice to respond, she offered a weak smile and turned her eyes toward her feet. The last two days had existed in an alternate universe, filled with a lifestyle Rey would never understand. She felt like someone trying to build a puzzle but without half the pieces and while wearing a blindfold.

She followed Ben's father back through the door into the warm kitchen, now devoid of any evidence of the grand breakfast from an hour before. She noticed the fridge in the corner, covered in photos, most featuring a young boy, a wide grin stretching across his exaggerated features. One picture captured a much younger Leia and Han, standing in front of the very plane Rey had just been examining, with Ben on Han's shoulders. Taking in the happiness in that photo, which would one day fade to disappointed estrangement, pierced right through her heart.

"I guess I need to go start packing," Rey said as she tore her eyes away from the old family portrait. "I'll do my best not to get lost."

Han grunted in acknowledgment while pulling off his coat and scarf. Exiting the kitchen, Rey carefully retraced the path Ben had taken earlier that morning. While the eagerness of being home in her familiar apartment danced at the periphery of her consciousness, she also recognized a sadness at the thought of leaving this mirage of love and warmth.

Finding Ben in the common room, pouring over a thick set of papers, a pair of glasses perched on the end of his nose, Rey allowed herself to feel a small triumph at managing to navigate her way back.

"I see you managed to escape from Han Solo," Ben stated, voice heavy with a sarcasm Rey didn't fully understand.

Shrugging defensively, she rebutted, "I actually helped him fix an issue with the hyperdrive."

"Of course you did," Ben muttered under his breath.

Sensing his mood, Rey asked, "Did I do something to offend you?"

His eyes flashed to her, and he stared over the top of his glasses for a long moment. Seeming to gain a hand on his temper, he sighed. "No. I apologize. Being back here… it gets to me after a while."

Humming a vague response, Rey turned to head toward her room, "I'm going to pack."

By the time she finished her packing, including double and triple-checking her possessions, Ben had also placed his suitcase in the common area. He was carefully tucking his glasses back into their case when she emerged with her own bag.

A light knock came at the door and Leia opened it before Rey could reach the handle.

"I didn't want to let you sneak out without saying goodbye," She explained, glancing at Ben, whose slightly guilty expression conveyed she had been correct in deducing his plan.

"Thank you for having us," Rey smiled, wishing she were close enough to elbow Ben into being more gracious.

"You are welcome here at any time, Rey," Leia replied.

She took Rey's hands into her own, and then muttered something in a language Rey couldn't identify. "It's an old expression I learned in my early diplomacy days. It translates roughly to, 'May the force be with you.' Sort of a wish for good fortune and will."

Ben watched the exchange, and Rey found his cool mask of careful detachment slightly irksome.

"Thank you for coming, Ben," Leia's attention moved to her son with wrenching tenderness etched into her features. "We are so proud of you. Always."

Wishing she could be anywhere else at that moment, Rey carefully studied her hands as Ben stared down at his mother and nodded.

"Don't forget to let me know about April," Leia added sternly, then extending herself to her tiptoes, she kissed her son on the cheek and exited the room.

After a moment's awkward pause, Ben finally said, "We should get going."

Nodding dumbly, Rey followed him out the door and toward the familiar sleek black car. She handed him her suitcase again, and as their fingers brushed, the memory of his lips caressing her own came unbidden to the forefront of her psyche.

Pulling away from her touch, she saw his fingers flex unconsciously. Perhaps he shared that fateful memory, too. Wondering what he thought of the night before caused crimson to fill her cheeks.

Settling into her seat, Rey pulled on her seatbelt and wondered how to dispel the awkward tension descending upon them once again. Ben kept his eyes on the path from the estate as they made their way back down the winding trail.

"When is your birthday?" Rey asked, remembering the exchange at breakfast.

"November 19," He answered. "Yours?"

"April 10," She responded. "I can't believe I didn't think to ask you. I don't even know how old you are!"

Offering her a soft smile, Ben raised an eyebrow, "Well, I felt asking your age might be seen as rude."

Rolling her eyes, Rey said, "I'm 28, arse."

Her answer didn't seem to surprise him and he responded, "I turned 38 in November."

"Well, now I feel better about coming along with you this weekend," Rey teased. "I do love to help the elderly in my community."

Shooting her a scowl that held no real menace, he merged onto the interstate and said, "I think you're supposed to respect your elders, not mock them. Besides, Dameron is two years older than me."

"What?! " Rey laughed in return. "There is no way he's 40."

"You could at least try not to make 40 sound like a death sentence," Ben said, a crooked smile appearing briefly across his features.

Rey felt herself sliding toward danger again with each flash of his happiness. The comfort of slipping into such an effortless conversation could only foreshadow doom. She traced the length of his mouth with her eyes, noting where it pulled up higher on one side.

"I met your uncle," She blurted before mentally slapping herself for ruining the mood.

Instantly, Ben's face fell into a scowl, "I suppose he pulled his usual self-important bullshit."

"Not really," Rey said. "I didn't give him much of a chance, to be fair. I'm afraid I was pretty rude to him."

Though he did not take his eyes off the open road, Rey thought she saw a brief flicker of shock pass across his face. He recovered quickly, "He probably deserved it."

"He did offer me a potential book deal," She smirked, sensing the tense moment fading.

"Trust me," Ben muttered. "It is not worth it."

Studying his dark expression, she asked, "How many people know you're Kylo Ren?"

"My parents, Luke, obviously, a few literary agents, Dameron, and… you," He counted slowly. "I never expected to sell a single copy, let alone 500,000 units in a year."

Tilting her head, she replied, "It's a great book. I analyzed it for my sci-fi elective three years ago. I won't say anything to anyone, don't worry."

Changing lanes with leisure, he looked over to her, "I'm not. But thank you."

They sat in comfortable silence for some time, and Rey enjoyed watching the country landscape slowly fade into a metropolitan horizon. The midday traffic held light but steady for long stretches of highway.

"Rey," Ben finally said, stirring her thoughts. "I wanted to… well… It's my parent's 40th anniversary in April and they're holding a fundraising gala. How would you feel about keeping up this arrangement?"

Forcing all the words out had taken him some time and she blinked at his proposal in stunned silence.

"Of course, you are under no obligation and it would likely be the last time. Afterward, we can have an amicable split. There's no need for us to even interact between now and then, if you wish," He clarified.

They were nearing the shop and she mulled over his words. Once again, she felt as if she were standing on a cliff's edge, contemplating whether or not to hurl herself into the churning water below.

"Okay," She agreed, trying not to linger on why she did not want to say goodbye to Ben Solo and his parents and all the secrets hiding behind those dark eyes. "But you realize, we will have to interact. We're bound to run into each other when I'm working for Dr. Dameron. Oh god, what are we supposed to do about him?"

Ben pulled into a parking spot near the shop and after putting the car in park, he turned to face her, "Why not let him believe whatever he already does?"

She felt vaguely annoyed to have her own words kicked back at her but she nodded in acknowledgment, "I suppose that is easiest."

They stared at each other for a long pause and Rey tried to force the desire to reach across to brush the hair from his eyes out of her consciousness. She vaguely recalled a shadowy memory of a gentle caress on her own temple from the night before.

"Well, I guess I'll-" Rey started, motioning out of her window and he nodded before climbing out to retrieve her suitcase.

As they stood on the sidewalk, the weight of the last 24 hours finally settled onto her shoulders and she found herself searching his expression again. Seemingly without thought, he lifted a hand and gently tucked a tendril of loose hair behind her ear.

"Guess I should get going," She said softly. "Work in the morning and all that."

He took a step back from her and offered a small smile, "Try to be nicer to your customers."

"No promises," She winked. "See you around."

As she turned to walk back toward her apartment, she could feel his eyes following her. For the millionth time in the last week, she asked herself What on earth am I doing? Something told her nothing good would come from snowballing this ridiculous lie.

But another growing voice in the back of her mind told her that she would take whatever came her way if it meant she didn't have to give up Ben Solo yet, even if she wasn't ready to acknowledge why.

And as her resolve hardened with each step, the decision formed, and she hurled herself from the cliffside, plunging into the waves of uncertainty with a delicious reckless abandon.