For my Brackendra shippers out there. (And yes I know, another chapter about Gavin, give me a break I`m trying here.)
It had been a good day. Kendra had been with Bracken, visiting the Fairy Realm. It was her third visit so far, and it was still as wondrous and amazing as it had been the first time she had been.
After she and Bracken had landed in the field of lavender that was the gateway between the realm and Fablehaven, he had taken her immediately to the cliffs that overlooked the sea, meeting up with a few of Bracken`s sisters and his two friends, Gwyn and Rya, both unicorns, and all in their human forms.
They had all been nice enough, but Kendra had been so nervous to meet them it had been hard to enjoy their company before, but on her second visit, she had gotten to know everyone much better. Bracken`s two oldest sisters, Mizelle and Ivory were nice, but aloof. His other sisters however, Rayne and Brea were hilarious and seemed more eager to spend time with Kendra and get to know her, so it was with their insistence along with Rya`s lazy teasing that Kendra followed Rayne to a cave to get changed into an outfit that she had brought for Kendra to go swimming in. It was like a regular one-piece swimsuit, deep red with cut-outs in the sides and back but the fabric felt normal, even though Rayne had assured her that it was good in the water.
That was how Kendra found herself standing at the edge of a tall cliff, hand-in-hand with Bracken listening to Gwyn`s countdown from the water below them. On the word "GO!" Bracken towed her forward, forcing her to jump alongside him, falling into the crystal clear and fantastically cold water below. That was all it took to convince Kendra to jump, again and again, feeling the same rush of adrenaline each time she jumped. By the end of the day, as the sun started to sink, they swam to a nearby beach where Rya and Rayne, who had left with their other clothes were waiting. They all ate together on the beach; the food that Gwyn had made was delicious and Kendra was feeling full and happy as she listened to the others trade stories.
It was then the conversation took a turn to the more serious. Gwyn and Rya, who Kendra had never really gotten to know before each told stories of their time in the wild, wandering until they found each other and returned to the Fairy Realm to assist the Queen after Bracken had gone missing. There seemed to be something between the two of them, but Kendra was unsure whether it was romantic or not. Either way, as the sun continued to sink Brea asked the question that sent Kendra into a downward spiral.
"Who was the first person you loved?" It was a simple enough question, and each went around in a circle answering the question. Kendra was tempted to lie, and just say the name of a random crush she had in middle school, but her mind lingered on a name, a face that she couldn't forget. So when it came to be her turn, the name she had been thinking of left her mouth before she could stop it.
"His name was Gavin." They had all looked at her interest then and Rayne had leaned forward in anticipation.
"Was? What happened?"
As Kendra began to remember it, the pain that she had thought she had gotten over began to return to her heart. It was a slow, paralyzing pain and it made her glance at Bracken, thinking of what she had said to him the day they had met. You might want to stutter-that could help sell it.
So Kendra tried to push down the pain and smiled instead. "It's a long story, and a lot of it not happy. He`s dead now."
Brea reached forward, placing a hand on her knee, mouth open, probably ready to say something comforting but instead, Bracken interjected, glaring at his sister as he told his story of a girl named Rosaline.
But after Bracken and then Rya had told their stories, it was now truly too dark to continue, so they packed up and headed back to the castle, Brea, Rayne, Gwyn and Rya transforming into their horse forms and got them back to the castle quickly, their shining horns lighting the way home. Despite the fun day that Kendra had had, she couldn't stop thinking of Gavin and his stutter that she had once found cute, and how she had held hands with him, flirted with him. She had loved a monster.
But Bracken had noticed something was wrong. He always noticed. And since she couldn't imagine admitting her deepest, darkest secret to Bracken, Kendra made it a point to closely trail Rayne and Brea as they stole through the castle quietly, heading to their respective rooms. Bracken and his two older sisters were in one wing, Brea, Rayne and now Kendra in the opposite. And she had thought she had successfully avoided Bracken having changed out of her still damp clothes into a beautiful pink silk sleep set of shorts and a tank top.
But as the clock ticked nearer and nearer to midnight, Kendra still couldn't sleep, tormented with the thoughts and memories of Gavin. She went out on her balcony which overlooked a grove of weeping willow trees and tried to take a deep breath. But her mind and thoughts were racing and now, so was her breathing, but this was nothing she hadn't dealt with before, so Kendra settled down on a delicate wicker chair and tried to calm herself.
It was a quiet knock on her bedroom door that eventually forced her regain her composure, hurrying as quietly as she could to her door and opening it softly. It was Bracken. Of course it was.
"Hey can I come in?" Bracken whispered, glancing up at his sister`s doors. He was wearing a loose blue cotton tank top and loose black pants, obviously having been getting ready to go to bed. His hair was ruffled and messy, not pulled back or styled in any way. Kendra knew Bracken wasn't really supposed to be coming to her room so late at night, but she figured that she couldn't avoid him any longer, so she opened her door wider, letting him step through.
"Your mother will kill you if she finds out you`re here." Kendra responded quietly, closing the door behind him softly.
Bracken flashed her a wide, mischievous smile, "You won`t tell on me now will you?"
Kendra smiled a little, finding it difficult to banter with Bracken like nothing was wrong, but she tried. "Depends on how you behave." She brushed past Bracken back to her balcony and rested her hands on the railing. Luckily, her room was placed high above the ground and since everyone else was asleep, no one could see them. She felt Bracken follow her, letting her eyes drift shut a little.
A gentle hand rested on her back for a second before Kendra jerked away, painfully aware of how Bracken could probably feel her emotions through contact with her bare skin.
"Kendra I know-"Bracken began, holding his hands out to her beseechingly. Kendra cut him off, turning away from him and sitting in her wicker chair.
"Bracken, just stop." Her voice was hollow and cold and she knew without even looking up that Bracken was hurt and that squeezed her already exhausted heart.
Bracken knelt down beside her, "Kendra, I don`t understand what I did to upset you." Bracken sounded confused and troubled.
"It has nothing to do with you Bracken." Kendra tried to soften the words by touching his wrist briefly.
"Then what is it? Kendra I can help, you just have to talk to me." The words were so soft and gentle that Kendra knew if she answered she wouldn't be able to hold back her tears.
"It was Brea`s question wasn't it? About your first love?" Bracken tried again, sounding distressed. Again, Kendra didn't answer, feeling tears burn in her eyes as she pressed her lips together to hold them back.
"Kendra if you lied then-"Kendra cut Bracken off, not looking at him.
"No. I told the truth Bracken. And the truth is so much worse than any lie I could tell." She was crying then, unable to stop the tears that began to course down her cheeks. She kept her head down, her hair blocking her face.
"So talk to me then."
"I can`t." Kendra spoke so softly that part of her didn't think Bracken would even hear her.
"Why not?" Bracken matched her pitch, moving a little closer, and she felt his hand hover above hers before it settled on hers.
"Because I`m ashamed." Kendra tore her hand out of Bracken`s grip, barely believing that she had even responded to him, standing and almost running into her room. Piled on her bed were clothes that she picked up and began folding, just to keep her hands busy. She heard the balcony door close as Bracken came in behind her, and felt him staring at her.
"I`m sorry," Kendra whispered. "I just need you to leave. Please." She tried to keep her voice as steady as she could manage.
"No." The answer was so simple and blunt and so unlike Bracken that it made her turn and look at him in surprise. Bracken stood leaning against her balcony door, arms crossed.
"Why not?" Kendra turned back to her bed, and since she didn't have any more clothes to fold, she began refolding the ones that were already perfectly folded.
"Because you`re in pain. So much pain that it`s overwhelming you and I`m not leaving you deal that pain alone."
Those words felt like a dagger through the heart and Kendra squeezed her eyes shut, giving up on the clothes and sat on her bed, folding her legs and putting her face in her hands.
"Tell me why you`re ashamed Kendra, please. I want to help you but I can`t if you don`t talk to me." Bracken soothed sitting across from her on her bed.
"I don`t want to tell you." Kendra looked up, trying to swallow her tears down. "I`m afraid that-"A sob caught in her throat and Bracken reached forward, catching her hands in his. "I`m afraid you`ll leave me." It sounded so stupid when Kendra said it out loud. It wasn't like Bracken was her boyfriend or that they had known each other their entire lives. She and Bracken had met a little over a year ago, but in that time he had become one of her closest friends, a part of her family.
"You`ll never lose me Kendra." Bracken`s words were soft but sincere. "I care about you so much. There is nothing you could say or tell me that will change that, I promise."
Kendra laughed a little, looking up at Bracken, "You still haven't heard the story."
Bracken squeezed her hands, "And I don`t need to, not if you don`t want to tell me. I trust you Kendra and if this is something you need to keep to yourself than that`s okay."
Kendra swallowed, the pressure in her throat seeming to lessen with those words and she was ready to tell Bracken that she just couldn't tell him, but, was that fair? Was it fair to Bracken to keep something so important from him? Bracken deserved honesty, at all costs.
That thought was what pushed Kendra to look up at Bracken, who looked warm and open as always and prepared herself for the inevitable.
"The first person I loved was named Gavin Rose. We joined the Knights of the Dawn at the same time," Bracken looked surprised at the omission, but did not interrupt her. "He was so unlike anyone I`d ever met before. He was… clever and funny, but he had this stutter, and I thought it was cute," Despite herself, Kendra smiled at the memory of how she and Gavin had bantered about their ages after they had officially joined the Knights. "But he wasn`t normal. He was a dragon brother, or at least that's what he said. His father was this famous dragon specialist and Gavin joined after he died. We were sent to Lost Mesa preserve for a mission and I liked him. He understood me. He understood what it was like to have to hide something so important to you like I did." Kendra admitted, biting her lip, looking down at her lap. "He protected me, he saved my life. After we completed the mission we kept in contact, he sent me letters, telling me about his missions and how he wanted to come see me and then we went to Wyrmroost." Kendra looked up at Bracken who looked curious. "We got even closer there. We flirted, held hands, talked. And then we left the dragon temple with the key to the vault at Obsidian Waste and we were attacked by dragons. That's when he transformed."
"Transformed into what?" Bracken asked gently and Kendra prepared herself for his reaction.
Taking a deep breath, Kendra looked Bracken in his eyes, feeling tears starting to gather in her own. "Into a dragon. A big black dragon who blew golden flames and then he ate Maddox`s brother Dougan, sent Mara flying off a cliff and chased me into hiding." Kendra closed her eyes, dropping her face, waiting for Bracken to pull his hands out of hers and stand up and leave.
But he didn't. "Navarog. Gavin Rose was his human persona." Bracken guessed and Kendra nodded, tears gushing down her cheeks.
"He chased me into this place called Sidestep Cleft and he told me everything, what he did, how he manipulated us and then he burned this extra-dimensional knapsack we had and trapped Warren." Kendra continued speaking despite the tears and felt herself crumble, pulling her hands out of Bracken`s to hide her face in.
"Kendra…" Bracken`s gentle voice came from in front of her and she felt him rest a hand on her shoulder.
"No!" Kendra stood, ripping her shoulder out of his grasp. She was crying, sobbing and breaking and now, Bracken knew. He knew everything and it was only a matter of time before he left her and she would never see him, the fairy realm or any of them again. Not Brea or Rayne, or Rya and Gwyn or even Mizelle and Ivory and she would never feel the Fairy Queen`s gentle guidance again.
"It`s alright Kendra." Bracken spoke softly, as if she was a spooked animal. He held his hands out to her cautiously, a strange look in his eyes. It was fear, she realized.
"No!" Kendra exclaimed. "It`s not alright! I was in love with a demon Bracken! A demon! Me! A fairykind, the handmaiden of the Fairy Queen, in love with a demon."
Bracken opened his mouth to speak but she cut across him, her voice reaching a now hysterical tone. "Do you know why Mara doesn't ever talk about her family?" Kendra fired off, not waiting for a response. "It`s because she doesn't have any! Because he murdered them! He murdered her mother and her entire family and everyone on the Lost Mesa preserve, except her and her father! And then I had breakfast with him." Her voice began to trail off, losing its passion. "I ate breakfast with him, I flirted with him right after he went and basically signed her death warrant."
Kendra felt her knees give out as she spoke the words. It had been so long since she had acknowledged Lost Mesa and what had happened there. Kendra fell to her knees, weeping into her hands.
"It`s my fault. All of it." Kendra whispered, giving a huge sob that left her shoulders shaking. Through her hands she could see Bracken kneel down in front of her, not touching, and she was grateful. She didn't think she could stand it for Bracken to feel her emotions, or even feel his either.
"Kendra."
Maybe if she ignored him long enough, he`d go away.
"Kendra. Look at me." Bracken`s firm voice made her stiffen, but she still didn't look up. If she looked up and saw the look on his face, of fear, disappointment, that would break her.
When she didn't respond a second time, she felt Bracken grab her hands, forcing them down from her face.
"No!" Kendra fought, trying to pull out of grip but Bracken was strong. She just wanted to escape, to go somewhere where she could cry in peace and didn't have to face any of it.
But Bracken did not give up, holding her wrists firmly as she fought against him, waiting her out.
"I can`t." Kendra whispered, her voice ragged and hoarse from crying. She felt Bracken`s grip relax a little as she stopped fighting. "I can`t look at you after what I`ve just told you."
"Look at me."
Unwillingly, Kendra raised her face to Bracken, and was about to jerk away when one of his hands came up to touch her cheek. Shocked, Kendra watched him wipe her tears off her cheek and keep his hand there.
"What Navarog did was not your fault. You were used and manipulated and none of that is your fault. What he did would have happened even if you were never involved with him." As Kendra opened her mouth to protest, Bracken shook his head. "No. I let you say your piece, now you`re going to let me say mine. You fell in love with a boy who understood you, who protected you and there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with you Kendra." The emotion in Bracken`s voice stirred her emotions, more tears squeezing out her eyes. "You are not broken because you loved him. And I know that believing that will take time and work, but you won`t have to do it alone. You have me, and my family and your family and you are not alone."
Breath caught in Kendra`s throat as she watched Bracken`s beautiful blue eyes fill with tears as well and she touched his cheek, as a tear fell onto her hand. It seemed that the two had the same thought, wrapping their arms around each other as they cried together, and for the first time in a long time, the pain that Kendra had buried was revealed. It radiated and burned and threatened to swallow her whole, but every time it did, she felt Bracken`s arms squeeze her just a little bit tighter.
Kendra didn't know how long they sat on the floor together, but just as she felt her eyes begin to close, Bracken shifted, to a kneeling position and used the edge of her bed to pull the two them up and onto her bed. As Kendra`s head hit the pillow, Bracken pulled a blanket over the two of them and Kendra felt hazy, sleepy.
"You know if your mother catches us she`ll kill us both." Kendra murmured against Bracken`s chest, already too tired to care.
"Only if we get caught. And I locked the door." Bracken replied drowsily too sounding like he was almost asleep.
Kendra laughed a little at that, feeling Bracken`s breathing even out as he fell asleep. And now, Kendra could fall asleep too, because even though it all still hurt and would sometimes get to be too much, it was late and she was tired and Bracken was still with her, no matter what.
Thank you to MonstersHaveGreenEyes, FairyGirl22, Wolf Lover27, and others for support on this story! It is officially summer time and I couldn't be happier!
If you guys have any prompts or ideas, then I`d love to see them!
Happy Monday!