Radioactive by Imagine Dragons
So this is what it is like. Nobody had truly known what it would be like in the future. Would their destinies occur, whether they liked it or not? As Ashlynn keels forward, Briar catches her, lowering her to the ground and holding her close.
"I'm here," she soothes, her voice shaking. "I'm here."
Ashlynn couldn't escape her mother's death. Her father will soon remarry.
When Briar's eyes blink open and she sees nothing but a blurred dusty landscape, she almost goes back to sleep. Her lips are tingling. Is this the world now? Not a tree is in sight. It is only miles of lifeless desert and hordes of thorns surrounding her coffin. Ashlynn is standing over her, weathered and gray, but it's still her. Her emerald eyes glisten.
"Ashlynn," Briar whispers, her voice hoarse from years of sleeping. "Is it really you?"
Ashlynn slowly nods. That is all the affirmation Briar needs before she flings herself into Ashlynn's arms and kisses her with more passion than she knew was in her.
Elastic Heart by Sia
Briar tells herself that she's strong, that she can get through this. Her heart can stretch, but it will never break. Ashlynn was the best thing that ever happened to her, to the world. She was heaven in human form, an angel on earth giving off light and love. The world didn't deserve her. She was simply too good.
"Heaven needed her back," Apple says one night.
Briar storms out of Apple's house. When she gets home, she screams into her pillow until her voice is gone. She throws glass after glass at the wall. Then she crumples to the ground, sobbing violently. Ashlynn would have run to her side, scooped her into her arms. She isn't here, though. Briar has no choice but to brave this harsh life alone.
Eventually, she is numb, unable to feel a thing. Her heart is lifeless. Her soul is an empty void. Whatever happens now, it doesn't matter. When people die, when kingdoms fall, Briar barely registers anything. The worst has happened. All she can do now is wait and hope that she can be with her angel again someday.
Beautiful Day by U2
Ashlynn's heart is always blooming. She sees the beauty in life no matter what the circumstances are. Briar feels stuck right now. She doesn't know where to go. Most of the time all she can do is lie in bed, too paralyzed to move.
One March morning, Ashlynn cheerfully announces, "We're going for a hike!" They walk through the neighborhood in awkward silence. The sun is shining and the air is fresh. There is a cool breeze, and birds are chirping in the trees. They come to a green grassy meadow with wildflowers scattered all around. Ashlynn frolics with the butterflies, breathing in the sweet air. Briar stands frozen, watching the beautiful girl that she loves with all her heart.
"I'm hopeless," she says after a while. "You're so perfect, and I'm just–I don't know what to do right now–"
Ashlynn comes forward, smiling gently. She takes Briar's hands.
"You are not hopeless," she says, stern but never losing her trademark sweetness. "You are perfect to me. I love you. Now, dance with me."
She spins, pulling Briar with her into the swarms of blue butterflies. Briar grips Ashlynn's soft hands, feels the warm sun on her back. She smells the flowers' sweet scent, can taste the balmy air. Ashlynn's smile is like a million suns. Her eyes are like stars. Briar may not know what to do, but she allows herself to let go and just sway to and fro with this girl who loves her unconditionally.
Ophelia by The Lumineers
Briar should've known better than to act so recklessly. She was wild, and she was young. She remembers so vividly what had occurred all those years ago.
She had stared uncontrollably at Ashlynn across the room. Ashlynn was always on her mind. During school, while they hung out, at night in her embarrassing dreams.
"I'm gay," she told Ashlynn one warm May evening.
"I love you," Ashlynn replied, hugging her tightly.
She lay in Ashlynn's arms, falling asleep to the girl running her fingers through her hair.
After the dance, Ashlynn sniffling because Hunter had danced with another girl, Briar took the leap. She kissed her, soft as feathers. The kiss was messy, but it was perfect to Briar.
"I love you," she whispered, breathless.
"I love you too."
They were together constantly. They were hot and heavy, blazing at night, steadily burning throughout the long, sweet days.
Ashlynn had big plans, ambitions that were incomprehensible to Briar. Their families weren't happy. So much conflict surrounded them, but Briar couldn't let go. Briar was selfish. Ashlynn left.
Briar will never stop regretting how her lust blinded her, how the series of events unfolded. Ashlynn will forever be her lover. No matter how many other girls there are, Ashlynn is the one on her mind, in her heart, forever.
Losing My Religion by REM
Briar floats through the party, making casual conversation with friends she passes. She thinks forlornly of Ashlynn alone in their dorm, working away at the chemistry assignment.
"I don't even know if I can do that assignment," Briar had complained.
"You just need to apply yourself," Ashlynn said. "I know you have more potential than what you're showing right now."
She looked uncomfortable, like she didn't want to be telling Briar what to do but felt that it was her duty. Briar rolled her eyes, suddenly annoyed.
"I'm going to the party," she said. "See you later."
Before she left, she stopped and looked at Ashlynn.
"Don't stay up too late, okay?"
She groaned as she walked down the hall.
She doesn't want Ashlynn keeping an eye on her. Ashlynn is motherly, but sometimes takes it a bit too far. They're different people, Ashlynn and her. Ashlynn already thinks of her career at sixteen years old. Briar is more concerned with her social life. Briar won't sacrifice her fun for Ashlynn's sake.
Ashlynn puts her head in her hands when the door shuts behind Briar. She said too much. She just wants Briar to succeed. They're different people, Briar and her. They love each other, but they annoy each other. Love overcomes everything, though. Ashlynn knows this. With that encouraging thought, Ashlynn focuses again on her project.
Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse
Ashlynn sighs as she finishes her sketch of a new dress design. She glances at her phone. There's a text from Briar: Coffee tomorrow morning?
Ashlynn smiles but then, remembering her plight, her face darkens. Briar doesn't know how she feels. She really doesn't.|
"You're my best friend," Briar says all the time.
I want to be more, Ashlynn thinks desperately.
Ashlynn walks through the door, the bell jingling as she steps into the warm cafe.
"Hey, Ash! How are you?" Briar asks, smiling widely as she sets her cup of coffee down.
Ashlynn can't speak for a moment, just staring at the sun reflecting off Briar's chestnut brown hair. She is falling more in love with her everyday.
"Hi, Briar! I'm good. How are you?"
She is starving for the truth. How does Briar love her? In what way does her heart desire Ashlynn? Ashlynn wants Briar more than anything. She wants all of her, her body, her mind, her heart, her spirit. But how can she know if Briar feels the same? She'll settle on silence, too terrified of what she could destroy with her words.
Shake It Out by Florence + The Machine
Ashlynn doesn't know how long she can keep this load to herself. She is constantly dragging it around.
"Gay?" her father had said. "You can't be serious, Ashlynn. Get that insane notion out of your head."
"Yes, Father."
Since that night years ago, Ashlynn has been too terrified to ever voice her feelings that have to do with girls. One girl especially that's been on her mind more and more since high school started–Briar Beauty, the gorgeous, kind-hearted, generous, loving girl that she is head over heels for.
"Is something wrong, Ashlynn?" Briar asks one evening as they walk through the forest.
Ashlynn sits down on a log, her heart pounding. Briar sits beside her, her brows creased with concern. Ashlynn knows that she can't keep this in anymore. Her feelings for her friend are too powerful. They're bubbling to the surface.
"I've kept this in too long," she says, her voice shaking.
She takes a deep breath.
"I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I-I like girls. My parents will hate me for it! But I can't help it!"
"I know," Briar soothes, taking her hands and squeezing. "Of course you can't, and you shouldn't have to. You're amazing just the way you are."
Ashlynn looks at Briar who is gazing at her, the softest expression on her face.
"There's one girl I really like," Ashlynn hears herself saying.
She senses herself leaning forward, and before she can talk herself out of it, she gently presses her lips to Briar's. Briar deepens the kiss. Ashlynn can feel her smiling. When they pull away, Briar is grinning from ear to ear. She brushes a tear from Ashlynn's cheek. Ashlynn breathes, feeling like a weight has been shaken from her back. It's a miraculous feeling. She leans in for another kiss and is met by eager lips.
You And Me by Lifehouse
Briar doesn't know how long it's been since she started having feelings for Ashlynn. They've known each other forever after, but lately it's different. It doesn't matter how many beautiful girls are in a room. Ashlynn is who Briar's eyes are glued to. Forest green eyes, soft strawberry blonde hair, kind, genuine smile. There's something about her that has always entranced Briar, and lately it has become more powerful than ever before.
"You're, like, seriously pretty, Ash," Briar says one night as they're getting ready for bed.
She silently curses herself. Her words aren't coming out right. Ashlynn has her head spinning. She's never felt this way before.
Ashlynn blushes.
"Thanks," she murmurs.
"And not just that–you're kind, loving, selfless, so smart. You're just–amazing."
Both girls are blushing as red as tomatoes now.
"Thank you," Ashlynn repeats. "You're amazing, too, Briar."
Briar knows she will never get her point across. All she can do is stare at Ashlynn and hope they can be something more someday.
Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright
Briar doesn't know what more proof Ashlynn needs that she loves her, that she's here for her. Ashlynn has been distant, wanting to be alone. Ashlynn's mother is dead. Of course she's different now, Briar reasons with herself.
Briar lies next to Ashlynn under the quilts.
"I love you," she says, her voice determined. "More than anything in the whole wide world."
Ashlynn has lost the light in her eyes. Briar doesn't even know if she hears her. When the girl falls asleep, Briar drags herself out of bed and into the bath.
Briar sighs, soaking in the hot water. The door opens. Ashlynn walks in, in just her bathrobe as usual. Briar is speechless as Ashlynn slips it off and steps into the water. Briar reaches her arms out and envelops Ashlynn in an embrace. Ashlynn is tense, shaking from the cold air.
"Tell me what you're feeling, Ash," Briar whispers, rubbing her hand across her back. "Please tell me. I just want to be here for you."
Her tears drop in the foamy water. Ashlynn just presses her face to Briar's shoulder and sniffles. Briar holds the cold, broken girl close, letting her cry. Sadly, that's all she can do.
Need You Now by Lady Antebellum
"Hey, sorry I missed your call," Ashlynn's voicemail recording says. "Please leave a message after the beep."
Briar's heart aches at the sweet sound of Ashlynn's voice. Why did she call her if it'll only remind her again of what she's lost? It's better to hurt than feel nothing at all, she tells herself. Briar sets her seventh beer bottle down and glances at the clock across the bar through blurry eyes.
"Quarter after one already," she mutters.
She takes the phone off speaker, pressing it to her ear.
"Ashlynn," she says, hating the desperation in her voice. "I need you right now. Can you please come? I'm at the bar–our bar."
Briar has lost all control. All she knows is that she needs Ashlynn.
"Do you ever think about me anymore?" she asks, her voice raspy. "I think about you constantly. I-I'm sorry. Just please come."
She ends the call and hangs her head. All these wonderful memories of her and Ashlynn is all Briar can ever think about. It's her fault. She dug her own grave. She's weak, though. She needs somebody to be there with her, to care for her, to love her. She needs Ashlynn.