Ace's brother, Marco thinks, looks tired. Exhausted with deep bags beneath his eyes and pale. It hasn't stopped Rayleigh from beating him into the dirt, apparently. The air in Rusukaina is warm and humid. If Marco's body temperature didn't self-regulate to inhuman degrees, he'd be soaked through with sweat. As it is, he only feels mildly oppressed upon arrival on the island, like the air is pushing at him as he makes his way across the jungle following the yelling.

It's the first time Marco's away from the Moby since the War.

The feeling leaves him restless, but he needs to know what Ace's brother wishes to share, and the phoenix is the best-equipped for such a long trip. He'd thought about turning back more than once, living true to his ever-hounding nickname of being a mother hen, but everything just feels so fleeting right now, as if one good gust of wind would blow all the ashes left far away from Marco's grasp. He's not sure how much more loss he can withstand.

(More than he could ever imagine he'd come to learn.)

He makes noise purposely as he arrives at the clearing. First, he makes eye contact with Rayleigh, who nods to him in greeting. He stills where he holds the stick, poised to strike the younger pirate once more in the head. With a somewhat disappointed sigh, he withdraws.

"Okay, Luffy," he steps back, letting his makeshift weapon rest against a nearby tree, "come find me when you're done."

The raven swivels around at the sound of his voice.

"Huh? Rayleigh?" The Straw Hat's captain takes off the blindfold, not catching sight of his teacher, Rayleigh's back lost amongst the crowding trees. Luffy turns around the other way, finally spotting Marco. "Oh," he voices, "you're Ace's Nakama. The cool mystery bird, hi."

"My name is Marco," he corrects, feeling out of his depth. He's not usually Ace's Nakama to strangers; it's... odd. Mildly pleasant considering the circumstances. The blonde looks the younger man over and recognizes the way grief weighs him down. He's simultaneously thankful and ungrateful about his inability to do the same, wear his heart so viscerally on his sleeve that even a stranger could tell.

"I'm Luffy," he introduces himself. It's vaguely redundant, not that the other knows just how much his older brother spoke of him. It's almost surreal meeting Monkey D. Luffy after hearing so much about him. "The man who is going to be King of Pirates." Ah, this, Marco knows too.

"You say that a lot, yoi," he comments mildly, perhaps stalling the pending conversation. Luffy shrugs and laughs, offering Marco a guileless smile.

"It's the truth."

Luffy's brain is not that good with feelings - other people's that is - he has little issue sorting through and acting on his own. The young captain knows that he and Marco don't think the same way and that sometimes, Marco has feelings that Luffy thinks are a little silly. But! If they're important to Marco, Luffy tries to think about them too.

He'd been enjoying Marco's hands on his skin, mind already halfway through the night to the things he wanted to try, the ones he wanted to repeat. He's been feeling the heat all day. Frisky Robin told him, horny Nami corrected teasingly. Whatever it was, Luffy had wanted Marco since the moment he'd woken up. Putting a stop to the plan to talk about feelings grabs him by surprise, but Luffy does his best to pay attention.

"What are you angry about?" Luffy doesn't step back, his breath ghosting over Marco's collarbone, exposed from where he's unbuttoned shirt has slid off a smooth shoulder. Marco's eyes fall close; he looks pained and unhappy. It sends sparks of distaste down Luffy's spine. He wills himself to hold still and not shake Marco for answers, but his grip does tighten around his wrists. "Is it at me?"

The answer comes through reluctantly and hesitantly, and Luffy has the very weird impression that Marco doesn't actually want to talk to him. He tries to think if he did something mean today, but nothing really comes to mind.

"Shit," Marco groans but then nods jerkily. "Yeah. I'm angry at you, yoi." Luffy nods, still plenty confused and ignorant as to why but immediately looks into Marco's eyes and offers:

"I'm sorry."

He's earnest about the apology, but he's honest enough to admit to himself that he hopes that's it. Maybe the apology will make Marco not mad at him, and they can resume where they left off.

It doesn't go like that.

Marco freezes, and his previously hesitant eyes narrow, pinning Luffy down with his entire focus.

"Do you even know what you're apologizing for?

"No?"

Luffy knows immediately, by the way that Marco shakes off his grip, that it's the wrong thing to say. It's like when he was back in Mount Colbo, and he'd lose against a giant alligator. The slow, terrible realization that he would get eaten again and Ace and Sabo would have to cut him out. "But I'm sorry," he adds quickly, "I didn't mean to make you angry."

And Luffy really, really didn't.

Marco's features soften, but even so, Luffy frowns. Marco looks so sad.

"I... appreciate the sentiment, Luffy, but I don't think you're sorry." Luffy jumps, raising his voice without thought.

"Hey, no! I'm sorry, I said I'm sorry!"

"Can you really regret it if you don't even know what you did?"

"Ehhhh, yes. Definitely," Luffy nods enthusiastically. He knows this because he didn't mean to make Marco this sad, and if he did, he's sorry for whatever he did that caused it.

"...Right." Marco doesn't look reassured, and Luffy grows frustrated with the conversation.

"Why are you sad then?" He pats himself in the back for this one. When Marco tells him, Luffy just needs to make sure to not do it again. Marco's lips pull down, his forehead burrowing in three small rolls of absolute annoyance (Luffy would know.)

"I don't think it's fair for me to be angry at you over this, Luffy." Oh damn, a new layer to the emotions cake. Luffy hopes Chopper can also explain this one. He's learned people cannot control their emotions, and so Luffy carefully does not respond that with: then don't be.

"But you are?"

"Yes... yes, but I... I think this is a me problem. Forget I said anything, okay?"

Marco must also remember swiftly when he used those words because he cuts himself off from adding anything else.

Just... forget this ever happened, okay?

Suddenly, something in Luffy boils. He doesn't recognize the feeling at first, but it comes to him.

Luffy's angry.

"You always say that," he accuses, finally taking a step back. Suddenly, he doesn't want to be all over Marco anymore. His hands ball into fists, and he hides his semblance under the shadow of his straw hat. "I don't like it."

"I didn't mean it like that, Luffy, I just... meant not to worry about me being upset more..." It's disorienting how quickly their roles have changed. The hallway shrinking, not enough space for their anger and them both.

"Like I was supposed to 'not worry' last time?"

"No, what happened before... Luffy, it..."

"Right, because it would've been fine if it didn't happen. You could go off, and I wouldn't have to worry? Right. Cool."

"Luffy, I'm not talking about this right now."

"I forgot about it anyway." It's what Marco asked for; there is no reason - none - for the words to make him flinch. It's also not true.

"Luffy..."

"Do you know how much I didn't have to worry?"

(Traffy told Luffy that he was impressed with him, at his patience.

It's not easy helping people like Phoenix-ya. It can be frustrating to help someone who doesn't want help.

Luffy hadn't given it much thought then. Marco is Marco, and Luffy wants him to be okay. Luffy wants him to laugh and fly and tickle him and tell him stories. He wants him under him, flushed and wanton, feeling so much like healing fire under Luffy's fingertips, filling in the flesh's ways of hunger.

Helping Marco isn't hard; it wouldn't be fair if it was. Marco's trying his best; Luffy knows him. Why would he get angry? It'd be dumb. But he suddenly understands a little Marco's misplaced anger because Luffy knows all these things, but fury thrums through his veins anyway.

He thinks he's been angry for a long time, but he's not sure why he realizes just now. The words bubble up like vomit, and they make him seasick.

"Marco... I thought you were dead."

A sharp intake of breath is taken as Marco pales.

Even weeks later, with dozens of memory of Marco - both good and bad - to replace the image, the older pirate hanging in the Punk Hazard's laboratory is still burned behind Luffy's eyelids.

The blood, the whimpering, the eye.

The screw.

"Forgetting didn't change anything, and I thought I'd found you only to have one more person I care about die in my arms. You said that last time too: 'forget about it.' As if it'd be easy! What does that even mean? "

Marco looks stunned as Luffy pants across from him.

"I..."

Luffy waits, but no words come out. He sighs. Breathes. Shaking Marco now won't change anything. Marco's sad, and Luffy shouldn't be yelling at him. Chopper's always after him, talking about tact and patience, Luffy knows he's not good at either of those, and he doesn't think this is it.

He feels drowsy, all the fight seeping out of him as he slumps against the wall, the Sunny's wood smooth against his back. He buries his face on the crook of his elbow, trying to calm down, maybe gather some will to do... something, though he's not sure what to do.

Marco kisses him.

It's unexpected and unwelcomed, warm as well, familiar. Luffy can't bear to pull him away, especially not with Marco's flagging life at the forefront of his mind. (Sometimes, when Marco has a bad day, Luffy hears the squelch and grind of the screw.)

Marco's screams ring in his ears; it overpowers Luffy's memories.

Just... forget this ever happened, okay?

"I shouldn't have done it." It's the first thing out of his mouth as he pulls apart; he towers over Luffy, his forearms braced against the wall above the younger man's shoulder. "You were too young and sad, and I... I should've known better."

Luffy lets his forehead sink into Marco's chest, and he breathes out.

"I don't understand."

"That is... exactly my point."

Slowly but we keep moving forwards. Technically I 4 more chapters outlined for this, and the neding is written there's just details that I'm having trouble wrestling into making sense, but worry not, we'll definitely see this through, ideally before 2021 rolls around!

take care 3