Truth
So this is what the truth feels like
This is more of what I had in mind
Yeah this is what the truth feels like
And I'm feeling it, I'm feeling it
Something about this just feels so right, alright
Something about this just feels so right, alright
So this is what the truth feels like
And I'm feeling it, I'm feeling it
Oh it's unexplainable and it's so weird
Woah it's so strange, confusing and I'm so scared
But maybe I deserve this boy after all that I've been through
How can all of this be true? Swear
Thank you for saving me, I can't believe it
Thank you
Hermione sat with Harry in the living room of Grimmauld Place. It still amazed her how much the old house had changed, but not even the memories of helping Harry renovate could distract Hermione as butterflies filled her stomach once more. Together, they sat side by side on the sofa, waiting for Ron's arrival so Hermione could discuss the pregnancy with him. The last two weeks had been a rollercoaster for Hermione and she was grateful for Harry's presence, just having him there beside her meant more than she could ever say.
Ron's absence had been noticeable in the last few weeks, even though Hermione knew he was away on a mission, she had been unable to stay in their home. Being at work allowed Hermione to be distracted, but the uncomfortable reality of the situation started to weigh down on her when she was alone in their home. It was too empty and quiet, far too big for just her, so she had retreated to the cave, her cave, in an attempt to make herself feel better. But even that didn't take the edge off.
Hermione wasn't sure if it was the hormones or because she was there alone, but most nights she could be found curled up under a mountain of blankets crying herself to sleep. Or, in a rare moment when Hermione wasn't crying, she could be found heaving her guts up in the bathroom. The sickness helping her to fall into an exhausted, yet restless slumber.
As the butterflies began to make Hermione feel nauseous, she reached out and gripped Harry's hand, squeezing it tightly as he rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. Everything came down to this moment. Whilst Hermione had decided, pregnant or not, to give Ron another chance, she wasn't sure where his mind was at. The realisation stung her slightly, there had been a time when they were so attuned to each other it was as if they were one person.
The deciding factor for her had been her wedding vows. When she had said them two years ago, Hermione had meant every single word with every fibre of her being. The thought of going back on those vows and throwing their whole relationship away for the sake of a few difficult months didn't sit well with Hermione, even if his actions had hurt her deeply.
Reflecting on their wedding day, Hermione missed the Floo activating and was only aware of Ron's arrival when he stood in front of her. Blinking herself back to reality, Hermione looked up at her husband. Ron looked well, happy even, and a little flutter of hope bloomed in her chest. Maybe this wouldn't be so difficult.
"Hi," Hermione said timidly, watching as Ron dropped into the armchair next to her and Harry. "How have you been?" she asked politely.
"Good, thanks," Ron replied easily, linking his fingers together in his lap. "How are you? And the...and the um…baby?" he stuttered, unable to look at Hermione. Although he had tried, Ron couldn't think of Hermione as being pregnant. It seemed so…wrong. They should have been excited. They should have been celebrating with their family. But they weren't.
They were barely talking, and instead of discussing the matter privately in their own home, they were sitting awkwardly in Harry's, the air thick with tension as they all looked at each other in turn.
"We're ok," Hermione said quietly, relaxing her grip on Harry's hand slightly. "I'm sick a lot but the Healer warned me of that, it's just my body adjusting to all the extra hormones."
"When did you see a Healer?" Ron enquired casually, keeping his gaze on his hands in front of him. It was easier to focus this way, to not look at Hermione, as every time he peeked up at her all he could see was Malfoy with his slimy hands all over her.
"Draco arranged it for me a couple of weeks ago," Hermione replied, flinching back as Ron shot quickly to his feet.
The mere mention of the blonde ferret's name had Ron's blood pounding through his system, he didn't realise he was on his feet until he had to look down at Hermione, her hand still wrapped in Harry's.
"You mean," Ron began, his face creasing as he recalled his last interaction with Hermione, "that day I saw the two of you at the Ministry, you were going with him to see the Healer? Why didn't you say anything?" Ron questioned as his ears began to ring. He had been right there and she hadn't said a damn word! What had he done so wrong to be denied the knowledge that his wife was going to see a Healer? Surely, being her husband meant he had some right to go with her? Better yet, of all the people she could have gone with, why had she chosen Malfoy?
"I asked Draco to come with me to see my Muggle doctor," Hermione began, feeling braver from having Harry there with her. "I didn't think you would have come with me, and after the way you acted when I told you I might be pregnant, I wasn't sure I wanted you there. Draco came with me— as a friend— and when my doctor couldn't tell me a date, Draco admitted to booking a private Healer appointment. At the time it seemed like a good idea."
At the time it seemed like a good idea? How could she be so casual about this? Under normal circumstances, Ron knew he would have been that person; he would have held her hand as the Healer performed the scan, he would have shared that secret, amazed smile with her as they looked at the child for the first time, but no. Those special, sacred moments that Ron had been so looking forward to, had been shared with another, an undeserving party, whilst he had been pushed out.
Ron lowered himself so he was eye to eye with Hermione, his hands gripping his knees as he spoke, "You should have gone with me," he said, faking a calm he didn't have. "You should have told me, and I would have gone with you." How could she even use his reaction to her betrayal as a reason to exclude him? Was he supposed to just nod along happily when his wife told him he might not be the father of the baby she carried? Did she not know what she'd done? Everything he had ever wanted had been right there in front of him and she had stomped all over it, vanishing away only to be seen again in the company of the man, ferret, who had helped take it away.
Hermione squirmed uncomfortably as Ron's eyes bored into hers, the usual bright blue dimmed by his anger. She had run through hundreds of different ways to tell Ron about the appointment in her mind, but nothing had seemed right, leading her to eventually decide that she would tell him when things had calmed down. After all, she had only wanted to establish that she was pregnant. It had never been planned to see the scan images with Draco.
It was evident as Ron continued to stare at her that he still didn't understand the strain he had put on her, on their marriage, by demanding they had children. Hermione felt her spine stiffen as Ron's gaze hardened, he was expecting her to back down, again, and she wasn't going to let that happen this time.
"Ron," Harry spoke firmly for the first time, having watched the tension creep into both of his friends over the last few minutes. "Take a step back and sit down."
"Why are you here, Harry?" Ron asked bitterly, standing to begin pacing the room. He had been suspicious when Hermione had asked to meet at Grimmauld Place, instead of their home, but now it made sense. Harry had chosen her side. Most of the time Ron thought it was great his best mate and his wife got along so well, but now, he wasn't so sure. "This is between me and my wife, you know, the one who slept with Malfoy whilst we were separated."
"I offered to be here for Hermione whilst she tried to talk to you," Harry began, trying to diffuse the situation. It had been hard for him to hear how Ron had changed but seeing it first hand was eye-opening.
Ron stood flabbergasted for a moment before he rounded on Hermione, "Why do you need him here to talk to me?!" he asked, his heart now thudding against his rib cage. This was so unfair. He was the one who was hurt by her actions, not the other way round! Why couldn't Harry see that?
Why couldn't Harry see how much her career had cost them? He had waited so patiently for her to be ready to settle down and have a family, but what had she been doing instead? Working with Malfoy, getting close to Malfoy, sleeping with Malfoy. The betrayal invaded his every thought, over the last two weeks Ron had lost count of just how often someone had pushed him out of the way of a hex just because he'd been distracted.
"Because you don't listen to me anymore Ron!" Hermione shouted back, this was not going as she had hoped but she would not let him carry on. Pushing down the tears she could feel coming, Hermione continued, begging him to see her side.
"I've been trying to talk to you for months and it always ends up like this… we don't talk anymore Ron… I've tried so hard to just talk to you but you won't listen." With her last words, Hermione's voice cracked, her carefully constructed wall breaking down around her. Harry quickly wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders, giving her a light squeeze.
"What have you been trying to talk to me about?" Ron questioned, his chest heaving as Hermione looked up at him, her warm brown eyes shimmering with her tears. It was so unfair. How many times had he tried to talk to her only to be cut off? He knew she still struggled with the war, hell, he did too. But it helped him to be able to talk about it. When it became Hermione who wouldn't tolerate the war conversations, he had spoken to someone who would listen. "How you want a career instead of settling down with me? How you prefer Malfoy of all people? Tell me, what have I missed?" Flinging his arm out before him, Ron waited for Hermione's answer as his foot tapped impatiently.
"This is exactly what I mean," Hermione moaned into her hands. He just wasn't getting it. "I never said I didn't want children, Ron. I said I wasn't ready for them yet. I just wanted another year to establish myself but all you heard was me saying no when it was not yet."
"Then why did you agree, Hermione?" Ron shouted. Since the beginning of their relationship, all he had wanted was to raise a family with her. He knew Hermione would be a wonderful mother and he had hoped that he would be a wonderful father. Each Christmas, he watched as his siblings brought their children to The Burrow, hoping each year he and Hermione would be next. "Why give me the promise of what I wanted? Why build me up? So you could laugh behind my back with Malfoy when you took it all away?"
Silence echoed around the room as Hermione sat there, Ron's anger washing over her in waves. Hesitantly, Harry spoke. "Ron, mate, come on. This is Hermione— your wife— we've been friends for years. Together we defeated the darkest wizard in history, and you're going to treat her like this? Regardless of the fact she slept with Draco whilst you were separated, she's now pregnant, possibly with your child…"
"That's the problem, Harry!" Ron cried out, his frustration making his eyes pop out of his head. "You sit there," he continued, staring at Hermione as his body shook with tension, "and you can't even tell me if it's my baby! It's driving me mad. You agreed to try after you'd slept with someone else, and now we're here, stuck, and I just… I just can't do it. I can't be with you knowing it might be his. Our marriage is over Hermione." With that, Ron turned away, something inside him had snapped and he needed to get out, needed to be away from her, them, that room.
Hermione felt sick, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps as she clutched at her chest. It wasn't supposed to come to this, she thought as the room swam before her eyes. Her heartbeat in her ears drowned out Harry's shout of "What if it's your kid!" as the front door slammed loudly.
It was over. Ron had left her, left them. What was she going to do? She needed to get up, she needed air, she needed to… she was going to be sick. Hermione shot up from the sofa and scrambled up the stairs, barely seeing where she was going until she saw the bathroom. Throwing herself to her knees, Hermione retched into the toilet, her eyes watering as her body heaved up her lunch.
Panting a few minutes later, Hermione wiped the sweat from her brow and the tears from her cheeks, standing slowly to splash some cold water on her face. Looking up, she saw Harry's reflection in the bathroom mirror, his pale face shocked and broken.
"I'm so sorry, Hermione," Harry said softly, stepping into the bathroom, watching as Hermione's lower lip trembled. She looked so lost, it broke Harry's heart. He carefully pulled her into his arms. Her petite frame started to shake as gentle sobs broke through. "Ssssh," he said soothingly. "It's ok. It'll be ok."
"Wha-what… part… of… this… is ok?" Hermione managed to force out between her cries, gripping the back of Harry's t-shirt tightly. "I'm pregnant, and my husband has just left me, Harry."
"Hermione," Harry spoke earnestly, lowering his eyes to hers to convey his absolute sincerity. "You will never be alone, do you hear me? We all love you, we're going to be there for you and the baby. I can't believe he just walked out like that. I'm sorry I didn't notice something was up sooner."
Those few words were all it took to send Hermione completely over the edge, every bit of fear, loneliness and heartache bubbled up to the surface and pushed her off the precipice she had been standing on and she fell. Hermione felt her knees once again hit the hard bathroom tile as she crashed. With Harry's arms wrapped around her, she cried. She cried for her marriage, she cried for her friendship and she cried for her baby who might never know it's father.
Harry held Hermione tightly. Never had he seen his friend like this. She had endured bullying at school because of her parents, torture at the hands of a madwoman, every crazed idea of his, which nearly killed them multiple times, and nothing had destroyed her like this, nothing.
It was at that moment Harry realised just how difficult these next few months would be. Hermione was going to need every ounce of support to get through this and he would not let her down again. "You're staying here tonight," he said softly as Hermione sniffed against him.
"No, Harry— it's ok," Hermione said quickly, drying her tear-stained cheeks. Right now she wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep. "I want to go home."
"No, Hermione," Harry said, standing up and taking her hands to pull her with him, leading her down into the kitchen for a cup of tea. "You're staying here or I'm getting Draco to take you home and stay with you." Smirking to himself slightly, Harry thought it really was a mark of how much times had changed. He was having to bribe Hermione to stay at his with the threat of telling Draco she needed him.
Hermione opened her mouth to protest. As tempting as it was to stay with Harry, she wasn't up for seeing Ginny and she couldn't allow Harry to call Draco, absolutely not. "You wouldn't! Harry, I'm perfectly fine to get home myself."
"I'm not arguing with you about this," Harry said, steering Hermione into a seat at the table so he could start the kettle. "You look like you haven't been sleeping or eating well, so either I'm looking after you or Draco is."
"Harry—" Hermione tried protesting, but Harry silenced her with a look, making Hermione duck her head and play with the hem of her top.
"You're staying— end of story," Harry said decisively, waving his wand to summon cups and sugar. "It's just you and me tonight, anyway. Ginny is staying in Wales for her game tomorrow."
Feeling somewhat chastised, Hermione poked her tongue out at Harry before smiling at him. Perhaps it would be nice for someone to take care of her— just this once.
Opening her eyes slowly the following morning, Hermione looked lazily around the room, realising she wasn't at home or the cave when the events of yesterday came flooding back to her. She was at Harry's. She was at Harry's because Ron had left her— them. Stretching out in the bed, Hermione realised that although she felt somewhat numb, she hadn't been woken by her usual sickness. As her stomach rumbled, she realised it was the smell of a freshly cooked breakfast that had roused her.
Padding downstairs in a borrowed pair of Harry's pyjamas, Hermione tied up her unruly hair and pushed open the kitchen door slowly, stopping dead at the sight before her.
Draco was there, in Harry's kitchen cooking breakfast as if it was the most natural thing in the world. His head quirked up at the sound of the door. "Hey, sleepyhead," he said, sending her a smile as he continued cooking. "Potter owled me this morning as he had to head to the office."
Hermione's heart stopped beating briefly as she gasped. If Harry had already left that meant she was late. "Shit! I have to go…"
"No, you don't," Draco said purposefully as he served breakfast. "You have today off. Potter has sorted it with work. He said you didn't look well, and I happen to agree with him, so you're having breakfast with me."
Draco looked at Hermione, knowing she understood the true meaning of him being there, the unspoken words lingering in the air as Hermione rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet. When Harry had owled him late the previous night, explaining what had happened between Ron and Hermione, Draco had felt broken for her.
After all the effort she had put into their marriage, the stupid git had tossed it all away. Leaving her high and dry when she was at her most vulnerable. Draco had whispered solemn prayers to every deity he had ever heard of, wishing with all his heart that somehow, this would work out. That by some miracle, Hermione's unborn child would be his, and he would never have to see her hurt again.
At a loss for words, Hermione stood there watching Draco. She hadn't seen him since the Healer appointment and yet here he was, for her— for them. Tears streamed down her face as she left out a small choked sob. "Oh, Draco," Hermione managed before running across the room into Draco's ready arms.
A/N - Sorry this is a few days late! I got lost in the long weekend and work has been manic.
I hope you've enjoyed and thanks as always to tectonictigress & TriDogMom for the Alpha skills :)