Hey Hey Hey, Lovlies! Hope everyone is doing well!
Alright, so I'm a little nervous about this chapter but I hope y'all enjoy!
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What the hell is he doing?
This was supposed to be a simple movie night!
The plan was, get tipsy, moon over Dr Sexy, trade predictions for the next season and shove their faces with sugar. Maybe they'd fall asleep on the couch like the last few times they did this and end up wrapped in each another's arms. Cas pressed tightly, yet delicately into his side, jet black hair tickling his nose before they wake up nestled in their combined warmth. Not moving until Cas stirred- Dean always woke up first- demanding the blonde make him some coffee.
Instead , the T.v is shut off, his premeditated blanket set aside and rather than Cas pressing his shoulder against his own, (Soon to be replaced by soft messy hair), they were facing each other with a chasm of space separating them.
The only topic of conversation having nothing to do with Medical drama predictions, but of a man Dean didn't even know and yet he wanted to rip his fucking lungs out.
Because Cas was giving him that helpless expression. His stupid beautiful head cocked to the side in anticipated, confused while paying too much attention to the words coming out of his mouth.
He thought of giving him awful advice.
To burp in the guys face. To exert dominance or be rude every chance he got, as to display… oh he doesn't know. Some shit!
Anything that meant he got to keep Cas. Keep him to himself. Keep him from the world.
Cas would believe him too. He would do it and this asshat, whoever he is, would be out of the way. But…
Cas was giving him that helpless expression, his ridiculously stupid, beautiful head cocked to the side, already confused. Listening so damn intently to everything Dean said. And in a moment of weakness, he couldn't bear the thought of hurting him for the sake of his own selfish wishes.
"Cas, " He sighs, hating everything.
"Flirting may not be the greatest course of action for you."
The last thing this world or the poor bastard that Cas is interested in needs is Cas being deliberately tempting. He does that well enough with no effort.
Dean can't imagine the destruction it may bring if his allure was intentional.
"Dean, you just agreed to help me. And what you've advised so far are more than I could have come up with on my own."
"Yeah, but-"
Cas chimes in before Dean can finish, "So you were saying less is more?"
Dean thinks of not answering before the obligation begins to settle in.
Sighing in resignation Dean says, "Yeah. That was pretty much the idea. I mean, I don't know the guy and your blatant avoidance of their name tells me you don't plan on disclosing that information anytime soon. Your best bet aren't large gestures."
Cas shakes his head mutely, taking his ip between his teeth nervously.
"Just," he pauses, the skin of his lip turning almost white beneath the tension of his teeth.
Dean feels his eyes trail down to that mouth. He imagines how soft they would feel against his own, how Cas would open up his mouth to let Dean's tongue caress his. Pictures how low that blush may go and how otherworldly even the opportunity to kiss Cas may feel.
Then he sees himself replaced with some faceless man. Cas panting into someone else's flesh. Saying someone elses name, lying beside some other body on some undeserving couch and he wants to fucking scream! To disappear and curse every God there is for putting him in this situation.
"Just what?" Dean rasps to keep himself from his subversive thoughts.
"Just," He tries again, "...Just pretend that i-it's you. That you are the person that I want to impress and be with. What would you want- How would you like…" He scrambles to finish his sentence, unsure on how to finish,
"This is very difficult for me, Dean." He finally settles on, begging Dean with wide deer-like eyes to just put two and two together and rescue him from his own awkwardness.
Difficult for him!?
Dean feels like his lungs are collapsing. He wants to take Cas' face in his hands and tell him that he already does everything humanly possible to draw Dean in like a moth to a flame.
That he wants him, that he needs him! But the words get caught in his throat. He looks into deep sapphire pools and wishes he could drown in them. He'd gladly stop breathing if it meant he could stop this from happening. If he could just sit here, looking into the most beautiful eyes he ever got to know and not help the love of his life get with some other man who probably didn't know what his favorite color was, or his favorite spot in central park, the one that was nearest to that bee colony he stopped by on his darker days. A man that didn't love how grumpy Cas is in the mornings. Or didn't appreciate his gummy smiles for the rarity they were.
Someone...Someone who isn't Dean.
Why is this happening? 'Just pretend that it's you' ? 'That you are the person that I want to impress and be with.'
This had to be an awful, cruel joke from the universe,
"Y-you want me- Okay, let me get this straight. You want me to teach you how I'd like for you to flirt with me ?"
Cas takes a moment to spin the words back in his mind before nodding his head in agreement.
"You can't be serious,Cas"
"Dean, you said-"
"Cas, can't you just tell the guy right out? Say; I like you, how do you feel about me?"
The brunette squares his shoulder, expression tender but firm, "I like you. How do you feel about me?", His voice is shaking and while Dean sees that he's simply expressing a point that his suggestion may not be the best approach, a shiver still sparks down his spine.
For a second, for a single, unfair second it feels like Cas is genuinely saying those words to Dean. Fists balled up tight, nerves vibrating over pale flesh, looking more vulnerable than he should while talking to Dean.
Quickly he shakes the notion from his mind, contemplating his next words.
"Okay, I see your point, Smartass. No preamble may come off as odd."
Cas' shoulders fall. His brows pinched and lips parted slightly, eyes shinning with unshed tears. Dean asses that look but he can't seem to make sense of it. He feels his body stray closer to Cas, shifting slightly into his space. He wants to pull him into his arms, hug him until the tension eases from his features.
Under normal circumstances, he would (like when Charlie or Sam look like they just need that form of rapport) but when it came to the author Dean isn't the most touchy feely, mostly because he's afraid of how addictive it would be to simply touch Cas whenever he wanted as opposed to only when strictly appropriate.
Still, getting that slightest bit closer eases something with him. That mild taste of body heat emanating off his best friend's skin, serves to assure Cas that he's here. That he will support him and help him through this.
And if he's truthful with himself, he can admit that it's also to assure himself that while Cas may be seeking his advice in a conquest for another man, but it was Deans' home he stood in now. Saturating Deans' living room with his sweet honey scent.
It was grasping at straws, but isn't that what it's always been like. Ever since they met.
Honestly, the whole ordeal is laughable and ironic as hell.
Here Castiel sat, practically pleading for Dean to show him how to lay down the charm, when it was no less than 5 years ago that the very moves that Cas is so eager to learn were exercised on the man himself and he had expertly evaded the mechanics advances. Declining softly, while also stealing Deans breath in one go.
He hadn't been the same since.
"What exactly are we trying to do here?" He hears himself ask.
"I remain unsure. I don't intend on forcing my flirtations on him. I just need for him to see my actions as romantically driven. He seems very adamant in perceiving my interests as friendly. It's incredibly frustrating."
Running an exasperating hand through his hair, Dean can't help the bitterness from ringing through his voice, "Yeah I can see how that could be."
Cas leans forward, taking Dean's hand into his. Ignoring the blondes disoriented expression, Cas lets himself revel in the profound sensation that begins where they touch and chases down every nerve ending in his body until not a single one is ignorant to the electric current Dean has alway had the power to awaken within him.
"We don't have to talk about it tonight," He declares, " I just wanted to ask. Please do not feel pressured into this, Dean. We were meant to watch tonight and I fully intend on spending the next several hours making wrong predictions about the show just to get a rouse out of you."
Cas' smile is warm, and almost apologetic.
Dean can practically see the self deprecating wheels turning in his head. Probably thinking he'd ruined Deans night for confiding in him
He doesn't like him like this.
Subdued and unsure. So different from his normal confidant and certain disposition. Dean wants him to smile the way he was before this all started. Teasing Dean about the diabetic buffet he has assembled or even afterwards. When he said the words that very well buried Dean beneath an ocean of 'too late' had yet to fully process. That vulnerability was more brave than Dean could ever have the guts to express,
"Cas, I can help, if that's what you want." He promises, despite the pain in his chest, "Of course I will."
His hand never wavers from Deans', almost as if it's paralyzed where it rested. Dean can feel his pulse hammering against his skin,
"You don't have to, Dean"
"But I will . Cas, you would do anything for me. I can help you flirt a little with some shithead you won't give me a name for. It's not a lot to ask for."
The author laughs, disregarding the eldest Winchesters reassurance, "He's not a shit head,"
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Point is, that it ain't a bad thing that you asked for my help on this. I want to help you, Cas. You want my help and you're gonna get it, because you deserve it, okay ?"
There is a beat of silence that follows, one that permits the mechanic to notice the nearly diminished space between them and the fact that his other hand, the one that isn't nestled beneath Cas' more delicate fingers, is running back and forth over the brunette's forearm. Caressing the bare flesh living there.
"Okay" Cas responds gently, eyes interestingly enough also captured by Dean's wandering hand. Dean swiftly drops it, awkwardly using it to rub at his neck nervously.
"But," he adds, lifting his gaze to a deep emerald, " I want this first. God knows how many more mindless, comfortable binge nights there are in our futures."
What does that mean? Once he gets a boyfriend, will he not be around to bullshit around with Dean anymore? Or…
He shakes himself from his thoughts before he lets it drive him mad.
"Are you sure? I don't mind.", Dean tries to mean it.
With a small smile, Cas nods his head, "Can I...Can I be vulnerable just once more tonight?"
"Of course!"
"I know you don't like chick flick moments and this has been just one big feelings session, but I could really use a hug. I know you prefer affection under strict cir-"
Before he can finish what he was saying Dean is dragging him in by his waist, Cas' head resting reflexively onto his best friends' shoulder. Hand lifting their own accord to drape around the larger man's neck.
Without warning tears soak into cotton in an instance, but Dean doesn't say anything. He simply tightens his embrace, thoughtlessly pressing, what he hopes he can pass off as a friendly, kiss into midnight colored hair.
"I'm scared he doesn't love me." Cas whimpers into Deans' shoulder.
Cas' pain does something twisted to Deans' insides. He wants to throw up and protect all at once, but above all he doesn;t want to see Cas like this ever again. Not over some guy. He's gonna help him, even if it tears his heart in two.
It feels like glass is slicing his throat as he murmurs,
"He loves you, Cas."
A tearful scoff, followed by a small voice replies, "You don't know who I'm talking about, Dean."
"I don't need to," he argues.
Taking a shivering breath and hoping to God Cas can't feel the rouge tear that slips into dark hair, he repeats, more forcefully;
"He loves you, Cas."
Not as much as me, he wishes he could say,
No one can love you with the force or velocity that I do because I love for reasons you've never been told, in ways you've never been loved, and with more than you'll ever know existed within me.
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Soooo, what did you think?
I'm not so sure if I entirely love this chapter, I may make some modification after I finish the fic, unless I get some positive feedback. If you liked it (or hated it) please let me know in the reviews!
Thank you for reading, lovlies!
Stay safe
~Geni