Today is an odd day.
For the second time in his stay, he wakes up on the concrete floor of a cell rather than the metal floor of a cage. He had been removed from his cage and been placed here.
Wait, fuck. Where's Luna? Is she okay? Did she survive the table? Why is he in here instead of a cage? What the hell has Petelg-
"How long until the body is ready for finalization?"
From outside his cell, he hears the voices of Petelguese and another cultist.
Subaru is left squinting against the bright lights of his cell while trying to focus on not vomiting up his insides.
"I'm not sure. This will at least take 10 weeks to get the first stage done if not more. We have others doing far better in their tests and physical preparations. This intricate project of yours cannot be rushed if you really want to make him the new Archbishop of Pride."
For a moment it was deathly quiet like Petelguese was considering the choice as he contemplated it. But that's an outright lie.
Petelguese must have been using magic because there is suddenly a huge amount of tension pressing down into his cell. The atmosphere thickens and Subaru is sure he is not imagining the pressure pushing against his rib cage. It's heavy and thick but precarious all at the same time. At any moment it could have all come crashing down at even the slightest misstep.
They're waiting for something.
"Are you saying you can not give me what I ask after everything I've provided for you?" Petelguese's voice is smooth and velvety like rich chocolate (he's not used to him like this). But there's something hideous lurking beneath his words like a predator waiting for its moment to strike.
"No of-of course not! It's just that for all the intricacies you want in your project needs time for it to be implemented correctly. We need to weaken his mind more so it's easier to brainwa-" The very atmosphere in the room changes after that exact moment as everything seems to creak under some unforeseen pressure. The whole world feels like it's teetering on the edge of collapse.
When Petelguese speaks his voice is monstrous "How slothful." He pauses. "You have four more weeks." The deep tones rolling with gut-wrenching pitches as each syllable grates against each other likes nails on a chalkboard. If it was even possible his voice gets even worse, reverberating inside of Subaru's skull like a bell counting seconds before his death, "After everything I have done for you I expect that much."
"O-Of course Archbishop." The cultist's voice cracks right at the start before being forcibly lowered back to its regular pitch. The anxiety that permeates from this man is so thick Subaru could have inhaled it and suffocated himself from the stench.
"How long till finalization?" Petelgeuse's voice returns to the same velvety texture it held before.
The doctor remains silent.
"Four weeks Archbishop."
Subaru has the gut-wrenching feeling Petelguese is smiling.
What's the point of life if you don't belong anywhere?
There's something off about today though he's not quite sure what tips him off about it.
Perhaps it could have been the weird stone that was settled inside his gut or maybe it was the way how everything felt surreal. Like Subaru isn't quite existing. Detached.
But otherwise, it could have been any number of things that they could have pumped inside his body that's causing the issue of wrongness that he feels.
When the cultists come to pick him up from his cell Subaru is already out of bed and making his way towards the door. The first thing that catches him off guard was that fact they don't bother blindfolding him instead they just snatch his shoulder in their hands and shove him forward. After that, the walk is mostly silent save for the rustle of clothes and their footsteps echoing through the vacant caverns. His brain feels sluggish as it tries to figure out why he feels so wrong during their walk. It's on the tip of his tongue that he knows what's wrong with him but he just can't quite place it. The first thought is that maybe the injections are finally getting to him or maybe it's how he can't stop thinking about Luna and Celeste.
In the end, his attempt at trying to figure out what's wrong with himself is fruitless as they move towards a cavern he doesn't quite recognize. There are more doors like the one Subaru has lining this one and he's struck by the sudden thought that he has never seen any other people that stayed in cells.
His gut wrenches as he wonders about how many more souls they have trapped up here and not just in the cavern he was in with Luna. The hallway disappears behind them just as quickly as it disappears as the cultists practically drag him towards their destination.
They end up stopping in front of a double door and Subaru waits for the cultist to unlock it. Right on cue, a cultist goes over and unlocks the door.
The doors click open a few seconds later revealing a small room with some actual furniture. Subaru's eyes rake over the scene trying to take in this strange dream-like place.
It's... awfully normal looking for a place that experiments on people. The walls are painted a shade of pale yellow with bright green plants sitting in all the corners. The colors are blistering bright against the darkness of the whole cave.
Subaru's second surprise of the day is when he sees Petelguese again in his mask with another person he's never seen before sitting on opposite sides of each other.
The newcomer isn't anything interesting if Subaru is being frank. Dark brown hair, slightly narrow amber-colored eyes, and pale white skin bordering on unhealthy. But there is one thing that's interesting about him. The man has a scar over his left eye like something had clawed it. It was a recent scar too, maybe a year or two old (it wasn't faded like his).
The cultists release their grip on his shoulders and shove him towards the two men. Subaru ends up stumbling a little bit before moving to stand next to the glass table that separates the two men.
"He's the one?" The one with the scar asks while shifting his gaze over towards him. His amber eyes are boring into him like he's already deciding what Subaru's worth and value are.
"It's a project we've been working on my little finger." he folds his hands across his lap as he leans against the cream-colored couch.
"He's actually the one? Is he's truly loved?" The finger raises a single eyebrow like he can't quite believe it.
"Indeed. We have some medication injected into his body so there may be problems with his mana."
"How diluted is his mana?" There's an edge to the finger's voice, something creeping on the outside.
"Not very. Give or take at least two days for his body to purge the medication from his systems and you'll have a clean slate."
Silence.
The finger narrows his eyes leaning forward as he rests his head on his hands.
"I would like to personally thank you for your help. Not only will his work be beneficial, but I'll also make sure to help advance your project as well, Archbishop."
More silence. It stretches through the air like a rubber band.
"How do I know you'll keep up your end of the deal?" Petelguese hums like he already knows the answer to the question.
"In the name of Satella, I will help to complete your project while he is away."
Petelguese is silent for a while.
"Please don't take your time with our project. We need him back quite quickly." Petelguese's voice is perfectly calm as he remains seated turning his head to watch the other man stalk out before turning his head back to Subaru. "Return it to its cell."
What's the point of life if you don't belong anywhere?
Subaru has no idea what transpired after. He had been escorted back to his cell and left there for the remainder of the day (week?).
So it comes as a huge surprise when he's taken outside of the cave for what feels like the first time in forever. Everything is so bright and colorful his eyes throb painfully. But the fresh air is a welcome change compared to the stagnating air of The Mountain. Even if the silence outside is just as suffocating as inside it's an improvement even if he knows very well he'll be stuck inside another cell once he's been transported to… wherever the finger wants him to go. So Subaru tries to capture the sight of the trees with their overarching branches and the vivid blue of the sky into his shaky memory.
But all good things must come to an end. A short figure wearing a dark cloak guides him into a cart.
"Sit." it's a simple one-worded reply as they tilt their head towards the inside of the cart.
Subaru slides into the cold back side of the cart followed soon after by the figure shutting a door above him locking it with a loud resounding click reminding Subaru of his status. The cart is cast in darkness leaving Subaru alone with nothing more but his thoughts. When his seat starts vibrating and the cart shuffles forward he lets out a long bone-weary sigh while leaning back and pressing his back into the cold metal. Subaru has to suppress a shiver as he feels the heat sapped from his thin body.
It's going to be a long ride.
What's the point of life if you don't belong anywhere?
Subaru is taken from the cart and guided through an oddly empty traditional Victorian-style house. They go downstairs into the basement and is promptly dropped off into another cell with worn floors and cracked concrete walls with a simple cot in the corner.
After that, he's left alone to entertain himself for however long they're keeping him there. While he just simply lies on the floor staring at the ceiling and counting the spider web of cracks trying to ignore the well of wrongness that churns in his gut.
It could have been hours or a couple of minutes since he'd been left on the floor trying to concentrate on anything else but the worms that were wriggling under his skin.
There's a knock on his door but the noise is lost on him up until the doorknob slams into the wall and Subaru flinches up whirling his head towards the entrance his skin crawling with fear and sweat beading at his neck because Petelgeuse is here. His skin will burn and crack and he'll taste blood in his mouth and pain ricocheting through his mouth as he bites down on his tongue to keep from screaming because Petelgeuse enjoys it when he screams and if he screams he'll place his hand over his face and he'll go for the eye again-
"Out." It's not Petelguese. Water has been drenched on him or so he feels like that because his body is freezing and his skin is clammy with all the sweat and grime residing on it while his fraying nerves suddenly come to a standstill. His arms are shaking even as he pushes himself off the floor to stand on unsteady legs.
It's the small figure from before wrapped in a dark cloak.
"-Get rid of germs before we begin the proper research so please clean yourself thoroughly before proceeding." He simply just follows the figure dazedly barely registering the last words. The whole walk goes by in a blur as Subaru tries to get a grip on himself and reality up until he feels a force behind him and he's shoved forward hard enough that he trips on his own two feet. There's a loud sound of a door being shut and locked and Subaru is left on the floor.
Again.
His eyes are starting to tear up from the sudden change in color and the unusually bright lights that are reflecting into his eyes. There are white and blue tiles coating the walls, floor, and ceiling. Multiple shower heads are coming out from the walls with drains plugged into the floor with some bathroom stalls holding honest to god toilets. There's a set of sinks attached to the walls with a mirror hanging above each.
A white towel and a set of clean clothes had been dropped behind him.
An honest to god bathroom.
Huh?
Subaru can't recall the last time he'd been in an honest to god bathroom beside the blurry memories from his long-forgotten childhood. Sure there had been one back in The Mine but the one he was allowed to use had a bucket and a shower head that only worked if you kicked it hard enough, even after that the water was still questionable at best. He'd hardly call it a proper bathroom.
But this? Definitely a bathroom or a washroom at least.
Tentatively Subaru pushes up back onto his feet carefully plucking up the fresh towel and clothes and folding them neatly before placing them back on the floor. All the bright blue stings his eyes but he can't seem to tear his eyes from the scene. He can't quite seem to wrap his mind around the situation.
"You need to shower if we wish to proceed with the procedure. Please clean yourself thoroughly." A voice comes through from the locked door behind him and it startles Subaru enough that he pulls out of his stupor. After that Subaru makes quick work of his clothes and attempts to get the shower to function. It takes a while once he figures out how to work it he's immediately sprayed by a barrage of ice-cold water. He runs his hand through the grease in his hair and lets out a heaving breath. Even if the water is ice cold and leaves him shivering even more than he already is it's fresh and clean and it especially doesn't smell like suspicious chemicals like the hygiene chambers back in The Mountain.
And he's free to use actual soap and shampoo! There's a little concave shelf under each shower head holding two bottles and Subaru uses them both liberally, hardly remembering a day when he was allowed this kind of luxury. The bubbles that come up on his skin are wonderful at easing away the tingling sensation of flaking skin (he still feels wrong) and the water turns gray from all the grime. He makes it a point not to look at his body (that doesn't belong to him anymore) too terrified of having to relieve the story of how he got each scar and because of that Subaru is infinitely grateful that the bubbles cover up the cracks and scars that mar his skin.
When he's satisfied enough that he's clean and has rubbed off most of the grime clinging to his skin he shuts the water off and towels himself dry. The towel is the cheap kind where it frays easily at the edges but god does it feel nice having felt nothing but cold metal and scratchy cotton for a majority of his life a cheap towel is practically heaven against his worn-out skin. He's almost unwilling to pull it away from his skin but he's freezing and he can't cocoon himself in the towel if he wants to get changed.
Besides, Subaru doesn't want to piss off the person waiting for him outside for taking too long. After all, he's not in any hurry to find out what the punishment here is like. He slips into the fresh clothes making a side note the pants don't have any pockets.
Subaru is just about to knock on the door and let them know he's just about done until he freezes because he catches his reflection in the mirror from the corner of his eye and instead of letting the person know he's done he takes a step back and completely faces the mirror.
There's something wrong with him. The thought has been bugging him since the random migraines and ghostly prickling sensation that crawls all over his skin like locusts. Objectively Subaru knows it's the injections fault and the sensation will likely disappear as his body tries to purge the effects. It's just a transition and Subaru is simply turning at a much slower rate.
But he's lying to himself.
Because lately no matter how much his body tries to purge the feeling it stays coiled in his gut like a viper. He wants so desperately to know what they are doing to him but he's terrified. Because if he knows how exactly awful the coming future is he'll have to live with it hanging over his head like a ticking clock. Forced to listen to the second's tick away as he counts the days (months?) to his fate.
He wants to know.
But he doesn't want to know.
Something is clogging up his throat because he's finding it a hard time swallowing down the strange feeling of anxiety that's been poured over his skin.
He stares.
His reflection stares back.
If he looks hard enough he can almost see the faint outline of a handprint imprinted on the right side of his face right over his eye. It's cold and his whole body is still shivering but his throat is clogged with something and he can't quite swallow it down or make his muscles move towards the door. Instead, he starts tracing over the outline of his silhouette taking in the vivid gory details of the scars crisscrossing his arms from multiple injection sites. The large white shirt hangs off his thin frame awkwardly but it's a lot nicer in texture. Not that Subaru has much to compare to besides the mostly scratchy clothing Petelguese had given him.
Curiosity killed the cat as they say.
The reflection grows bigger as he steps closer feeling the cold air dig into his lungs. The light bounces off his skin painting him in the same ashen white color of the people strapped onto the table. He shares the same protruding collarbones and sunken cheeks as they all had. Even looking at his sickly thin limbs makes him uncomfortable but his fingers start to twitch and he drops the towel into the sink.
He shouldn't look. He doesn't want to see the evidence of flaying skin turning a sickly shade of inhuman color. He doesn't want to see the broken scars that litter his arms where it was cracked and forcibly regrown or where his bones aren't aligned the right way. But it gnaws at him. The question chewing away at the edges of his brain like a disobedient dog that just refuses to listen.
What are they doing to me?
There are spiders crawling under his skin as his heart tightens the moment he lifts his left hand. The fingers twitching rapidly and the wrist snapping back and forth like it can't quite make up its mind if it wants to pull the sleeve up or not. Something's coiling in his stomach churning like the ocean waves on a stormy afternoon.
There's something wrong with me.
The feeling hasn't been going away like it should have been. Not recently at least. His fingers twitch again and his heart tightens while his throat constricts and his lungs can't get enough air because his hands are pulling up the right sleeve to check out the injection site-
"Are you done in there?" He jolts back dropping his hand as quickly as possible and averting his gaze away from the reflection and turning towards the door with leaden feet while sucking in a short cold breath that rattles his lungs. He makes his way towards the door even if he feels like that there's something that wants to crawl out of his body and will tear a hole out of his abdomen in order to be free.
It's just a transition. I'll be brain dead soon enough it won't matter. It won't matter. It doesn't matter. It won't matter in the end. It won't matter. It won't-
(He's lying.)
What's the point of life if you don't belong anywhere?
The short figure is in the middle of guiding him through the long winding hallways up until they get interrupted that is.
"Fuck!"
"Get back here you little shit!"
"Damn it if Father finds out we'll-!"
Three angry voices reverberate down the hallway and soon after an orange streak comes barreling down the hall. The blur shows the signs of stopping but Subaru can barely make out the silhouette of a young girl with a bow. Perhaps least somewhere between the ages of 8-10.
She throws her head back to look behind her with her eyes blowing wide open to see how quickly the men behind her were closing the distance. The way she tightens her muscles and practically throws herself to make the distance between them wider strikes a chord in Subaru's chest.
They have another child here. The thought completely catches him off guard at the realization that there's another person just like him only a few feet away without any prison bars or walls standing between them. The girl trips in her desperate attempt to run and push herself faster. He can see the look of absolute horror on her face as her cyan eyes blow open wide and her mouth opens as she lets out an undignified squeak on her trip down.
But she's fast. Faster than Subaru could have ever expected because in mere moments she's scrambled back to her feet and is running directly at him. There's something about her in the way she holds herself. It's in the small tremors that rock through her muscles and the deep heaving of her chest like she's been running too fast too much. It's in the blood that's spotted on the loosening gauze wrapped around her thin pale arms. It's the deep darkening pit in her cyan eyes that swallows all the light that. It's the raw desperation that claws a way through her body and shows in her face like she knows the consequences of what would happen if she fails.
It's striking.
It's familiar.
How she turns her head rapidly, always eyeing the distance between her and her captors like she's expecting a large hand to come up behind her and wrap her in darkness. Her eyes are scrunched closed and she's running blind but Subaru knows if they were open he'd see the darkness of her pupils devour the cyan of her retinas because his eyes do the same thing.
Her fear; Her desperation is splashed across her face and painted over her body in bright neon colors. It's everything about her that makes the yawning abyss inside his chest ache.
She weaves in between Subaru and his assigned guard, vanishing between them like a melting snowflake. Subaru doesn't move to stop her but the short figure who's already moving in after her.
Subaru snaps his hand onto the short figure's shoulder before he could even move and yanks him back with all his might. The muscles in his arm tighten as he pours all his strength into it and throws the midget into the three men behind them. They give out an indignant squawk when they're sent hurtling through the air before colliding into two of the men down the hall sending them all crashing into the ground. All three of them hit the ground unceremoniously and he's off like a shot catching the girl's eyes when she turns her head back again. The flow of her reddish-brown hair whipping behind her is hypnotizing as she pounds forward taking a sharp turn in the corner.
The air nips at his face as he runs, feeling his muscles burn as he moves to follow her but just as he rounds the corner his whole body freezes and his blood turns into ice shards, their sharp corners cutting into his flesh and tearing at his veins. She's on the ground with her white gown splayed out on the floor as the finger clutches one of her arms tightly in his.
"What do you think you're doing Petra?" The finger is nothing like Petelguese, his wrath is open and the fury in his eyes rages like a wildfire even Subaru can feel the heat spreading through his body through that single whisper. "And you?" Subaru flinches back, snapping his head to the ground, his stomach churning uncomfortably as his throat becomes tight, the words dying in his throat before they even had the chance of seeing the daylight. The finger glowers at both of them, the very air charged with tension like the moments before the ice under your feet is about to collapse. Petelguese is all crazy fury and barbed sentences, something Subaru is familiar with. But this man is a thunderstorm in his rage. Anger crackling through his body like lightning with wrath wrapped around him like a flock of vicious birds. "Let me ask you again." The finger grits out between his teeth. "What were you doing Petra?" His voice is barely above a whisper like he's talking to a cowering animal. Subaru doesn't miss the way she flinches backward when the finger prods her with his finger. Petra remains silent and instead averts her gaze studiously staring at the floor near her scraped knees.
"Father! We're so sorry we turned away for one second-" The three men from before show up later panting heavily with the short midget following in soon after.
"You turned away for one second." Father deadpans and the men seem to have realized their mistake. One of them opens their mouth ready to correct it but Father silences them with a hand. "You're telling me that after I told you to watch her!" He yanks up Petra's arm while gesturing towards her. Petra lets out a whimper of pain but otherwise keeps her eyes locked on the ground. "You decided to simply look away?" The men wince and look away, averting their gazes and remaining stiff bodied while they're all left in suffocating silence that pushes against Subaru's ribcage hard enough he could be sure it cracked. Father lets out a hot breath of air through his nose and his eye twitches again while he closes his whole hand around Petra's arm which makes her wince.
"Let her go." The words fly out of Subaru's mouth before he could even think about it. Father snaps his head to look at him and locks his destructive gaze onto him. The hair on the back of his neck stands and Subaru is now suddenly aware of all their eyes turned towards him. All their gazes burning and melting away his skin except her's. Her eyes are wide and her eyebrows shift up in surprise before they scrunch down again with her lips pouting into confusion. After that, her face shifts into one of horror.
"Excuse me?" Father's voice is incredulous. The storm that so usually wreaks havoc in his mind has gone silent. Something is moving inside of him, it tingles under his skin and moves his mouth without permission.
"Let her go. You're hurting her." He's sure there's a forming bruise popping up from where Father's hand is gripped around her arm. Subaru can feel the electricity that's charged under his skin readying himself for a fight but that's not what he gets at all. Something flickers over Father's face before it shifts into a false neutrality and he lets go of her arm which Petra quickly retracts back towards herself with surprise.
"You can have Petra if you want to help her so much." His voice is deceptively calm as he takes a step back and throws his arms out. Even the mad fury in Father's eyes are gone, replaced with nothing but cold indifference.
It's all an act.
There will be consequences later Subaru is sure of it, but for now, he couldn't care less because his heart is jumping out of his mouth and is beating painfully and he drops down to his knees looking at this girl who didn't deserve what the world gave her. Who likely lived her whole life trapped in this hell with nobody to listen to her cry or anybody to offer her a hug and tell her it's okay. Who may have learned that help wasn't going to come, not for people like her or him. Who maybe just maybe had to learn that the world wasn't fair.
Because she never deserved the blood spotted gauze that's wrapped around her arm or the hand-shaped bruise that's likely forming there or the deep dark abyss that makes up her eyes and swallows all the life out of them. She never deserved to cry out for help only to realize nobody would listen no matter how hard she begged.
Petra hesitates at first from moving like she's expecting the other shoe to drop but after that, for a brief moment, she comes out of her shell. Her emotions are written so clearly and plainly on her face as relief flies over her face like the rising dawn. After that, she's gone and crashes right into him with her arms open wide coming to wrap tightly around his torso. She clutches him tightly, her knuckles turning white under the force she's exerting. Holding onto him like she's afraid he'll disappear. Subaru feels his breathing start to shake because maybe just maybe it's his first time being in contact with someone who didn't intend to hurt him. Maybe just maybe she knows what it's like to grow with a gaping void for a heart with nothing but pain to remind you of the hell you have to endure. Maybe she knows what it's like to watch your dreams crumble away into ash as you cried for what you would know would be the last time you would be able to cry.
"You're going to be okay," Subaru mumbles, not able to keep his voice from cracking as he tightens his grip on her "I'm not going anywhere. I won't leave you." Petra's whole body trembles against his, her whole body shaking as her shoulders heave up and down and her breaths come in short but she doesn't cry, or maybe she can't cry anymore; Like him.
"Please." When she speaks her voice is barely above a whisper but it speaks so much louder than that. It screams and shouts everything she holds dear to her and everything she had to endure and will have to endure. It holds so much more and speaks so much more than Subaru could ever hope to understand.
For the first time in his life; Subaru doesn't know what to do. His gut twists itself into knots because he knows that this won't last forever whatever brief comfort they may find. There are people watching them. And eventually, they'll be torn apart.
"You're going to be okay, you're going to be okay." He tells it to her over and over again because there's not much else he can do. He can't say it gets better because he doesn't truly believe it will. Not for people like him and maybe the unfortunate souls like her. Because the world is unfair and the deck is broken. The hands are warped and twisted with the dealer being just as corrupt as the game.
It's so unfair.
Maybe he's making her life worse by giving her this small kindness just moments before it has to be ripped away in the cruel jaws of life. To give her hope that maybe she could have a different ending to her story only to leave her torn apart. But he'll be damned if he lets her go without doing anything even if he knows he's only making it worse because it's always so much worse having had something only to have it ripped away. Leaving nothing but a phantom in its wake while you try so desperately to call it back.
Subaru hates himself. He despises himself. Subaru hates the sins that paint the body that doesn't even belong to him anymore. He hates the fact that he's powerless in every important event that's ever occurred to him.
For a long while, everyone else had been silent until Father started walking. His footsteps echoing like a countdown. Every time his foot connects with the ground it rings in his like a bell toll. Ring after ring it keeps going until it gets louder and louder until it's shrieking right in your ear.
And after that, everything becomes a blur because in one vicious movement Father had torn the two apart and pressed his hand against Subaru's throat with an iron grip. Father's eyes burning like hot volcanoes. The desperation returns to Petra's eyes as she reaches out with her hands clinging to Father's legs.
"Leave him alone! You can punish me but leave him alone! P-Please!" Her voice cracks at all the wrong places as she starts trying to physically pull the two of them apart.
"If you wanted me to leave him alone then you shouldn't have thrown your little tantrum. This is your fault Petra." Father snaps at the end white fury burning in the low light of the hallway. He sees a glint of metal as something is injected into his body.
After that everything is lit ablaze. Muscles are being torn apart from all directions and the air is being forced out of his lungs. All his organs being stretched out as far as possible. His very consciousness comes to a complete stop as he becomes incapable of forming even a single thought. Parts of his body that he didn't even know existed exploded with hot debris being poured over his skin as his whole body was being pulled apart at the subatomic level. Hot white lightning tears it's a way through his body destroying and burning everything that had once held him together.
Subaru can still see her; A ghostly blur behind the veil of tears as she screams. Crying out with a voice filled with the broken bits of her abused heart. But whatever she's screaming out for is lost in the wind as his whole world is swallowed in the gaping maw of darkness.
It's all so unfair.
To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering
Heyo!
Petra's finally here! Before people get mad at me for getting her age wrong, I just aged her down to around 8 for the purpose of this story haha.
Also, I'm gonna try to make sense of what's really going on in later chapters. :)
Until then!