I'm sorry this one took so long! This was the most difficult chapter yet for me to write, and I'd really appreciate some feedback if I handled the emotional buildup well. It kind of bloated and I got caught up in editing hell; I suspect that two chapters have turned into three and I had to recut. I'm still learning how to write stories and pace myself.
Anyway, I'm glad some of you liked the biology and pureblood origins in the last chapter! From an evolutionary perspective, A/B/O is not that great a system for long-lived, slow breeding mammals that practice complex courtship rituals for mate selection (cough cough us), and I'm glad I found a way to make it work.
To Guest Reviewer, who asked "Though in regards to female and male alphas (or just alpha females in general) having a hard time trying to reproduce there was no mention of surrogacy, is that not an option?"
Alpha females can both carry children and sire children, but are much, much better are siring them. Making sperm is pretty easy, but successfully creating a child in your body is a complex, precise, difficult task by comparison where everything must go right. Alpha females are less specialized than full females; their bodies can do it all, but they sacrifice some efficiency to get there because the male and female parts 'interfere' with each other. Once their bodies figure out how to carry a child they can repeat it, but it takes time, effort, and repeated failure. For example, Rima's parents are a lesbian couple; one of them is an alpha and the other a beta, and the beta carried their daughter without too much trouble. But Ruka's mother is married to a male beta, so she had to carry Ruka herself, and unfortunately she had an especially difficult time of it.
No, surrogacy is not an option for vampires for two main reasons. One, vampire biology in this verse doesn't encourage surrogates. It can take centuries for two vampire immune systems to 'learn' each other, unless they're an alpha/omega couple, and a vampire surrogate's immune system would have to 'learn' both of the biological parents. All three of them would have to live together and have sex for this to happen, which is essentially just a polyamorous relationship. With such a high chance of rejection, vampire surrogacy would be difficult, costly and almost certain to fail. Using a human surrogate would fail, full stop, because humans don't drink blood and can't process it like a vampire can, so a child with two vampire parents would starve. Two, vampires are obsessed with blood purity and bloodlines. It would be difficult to find a vampire surrogate at all, because they would want to have their own children and non-omegas will only have around two successful pregnancies ever. Nobles would be especially resistant, because their power comes from their purity, and they would want to have a child of equal purity of blood, further shrinking the pool of possible surrogates.
V. Enjoy the Silence
Zero spends his time waiting for Cross anxiously awake, testing the limits of his mobility and reach, a little reassured now that he knows he hasn't been arrested. Not very much, but he holds onto the hope he'll be allowed to Hunt again, whatever may happen. Though still a little tired, Zero knows he won't be able to sleep any longer, and his active mind has much to ponder.
What had Itou meant with her curious statements? Was there something he didn't know? And Kuran, of all vampires, helping him? That answer Zero could guess. Kuran only helped him for one reason - Yuuki must have asked him too. Even when he knows she's a pureblood, his enemy, he's still under her obligation, isn't he? Zero's both glad and disappointed he could not speak with her. He thought he remembered her face, but the memories of those last few minutes were blanketed in fog.
What had happened to his body? Returning to those memories was like reliving hell, and he tries to think of them only in the abstract. Zero never needs medical attention, especially the serious kind from a hospital. Did the fact this was a vampire hospital mean anything? Or was he just deemed too dangerous for a human doctor?
Eventually, the Hunter turns away from increasingly wild theories, and occupies himself with more concrete concerns like planning his next steps. After injury and days of inactivity, his body must be out of condition; Zero will have to increase his training menu to compensate. Where were Bloody Rose and Artemis Rod? One of the other Hunters must have them; Cross may even return them when he comes to see Zero. Zero assembles a list of tasks he'll need to complete when he's released. He'll accept his reprimand without protest and take responsibility for his actions. If there's a tribunal, he'll take whatever punishment they deem fit. He'll need to make a public, formal apology to Yamamoto and the other Hunters on his team. Why had Yamamoto thought he'd tried to kill himself anyway? Zero wishes he could do something to salvage the Shoda investigation, but he's damaged so much already it's probably better to stay out of it. Zero's hit by a sudden thought - he might have to apologize to that disgusting vampire too. The mere idea appalls him, but Zero's the one who got himself into this, and if he has to lower himself to get the Senate off the Association's back, he'll grit his teeth and do it.
The Hunter still doesn't know what happened to him, but he feels more secure now that he has a path to follow, even though his deep disappointment with himself digs like a burr into his flesh. He doesn't delude himself that it will be easy; re-earning the Hunters' trust will be a long, slow process, but Zero is determined to work for it. He's thinking about a few friendly Hunters who might take a chance on him and work together on assignments, when he hears the sound of people just outside his room.
Hoping it's Cross, Zero tries to straighten his body, but the handcuffs make finding a comfortable position difficult, and he gives up. Being in this room is like being is a windowless monochrome box and Zero is looking forward to seeing Cross' familiar face.
It is Cross, and Master Yagari is with him, and when Zero sees them terror strikes him, because he knows something very, very bad has happened. Master looks his age, and even Cross seems ten years older; their faces are grim, and limned with exhaustion and something like grief or regret. Zero has seen Cross' face look like that only once before, on a bloody winter night when he was twelve years old and could still remember being human.
Zero can't speak, frozen by the sight of the most powerful Hunters he knows bearing the look of men who have fought a long, hard battle and lost. They each pull a flimsy plastic chair up to Zero's bedside, and sit down. Neither of them look away from Zero, as though he's going to disappear in front of their eyes any second, though Master glares at the handcuffs when Zero shifts a little and they clink against the bedframe.
"Zero," Cross says just when the silence becomes so oppressive Zero is about to break it, "We need to speak with you. About what's happened, and what that's going to mean for your future."
Zero tentatively answers, "Is this about how I attacked Shoda? I know my actions discredited the Association. Does the Senate want me killed?"
He must have said something wrong, because Yagari looks crushed, and shakes his head.
"No, boy. Do you understand what happened to your body that night?"
Suddenly he's afraid, and a cowardly part of him wants them to stop speaking.
"No," he almost whispers.
Cross and Yagari look at each other like they're begging one another not to continue.
Cross loses, and reaches out to take his hand. "You presented, Zero," Cross says very gently. "As an omega."
A puzzled Zero frowns. "No? Level D vampires are only betas."
Zero's confused; Cross and Yagari should know better than to miss such an obvious mistake. Still, he's glad it wasn't really anything serious to be worried about.
Yagari is shaking his head.
"We know how crazy it sounds. But it's true - you really are an omega. We've confirmed it by every test we could run."
Disbelief rises in his chest, but both his guardians look so certain, and they wouldn't tell him a theory they weren't absolutely sure about.
Shock, and then numbness spreads through his heart.
"I'm sorry, Zero. We want you to know that it isn't your fault - it's not because of anything you did or didn't do - and you are not to blame yourself."
No, no, this cannot be happening. He thought he'd finally made a place for himself as a Hunter working in the Association - he wasn't happy but who gave a damn about that, who the hell needed to be happy anyway - and now his disgusting body - this disgusting vampire's body that has already betrayed him again and again - has changed him into that - and what filthy acts will it make him do this time -
"We'll be with you all the way kid, and we're going to make the best of this shitty situation we can."
They tell him more. About what happened that night after he passed out, and what happened while he was asleep, and they tell him if he wants to live any semblance of a normal life what he'll have to do.
What he'll have to fuck.
Oh wait - what he'll have to let fuck him.
He argues, looking for a way out - they shoot down every objection with ease and impeccable logic, like they've had this conversation with each other hundreds of times, searching for any alternative.
His only other option is permanent sanctuary at the Association, but after some thought Zero rejects their offer. His presence would distract the other Hunters, and would use up manpower and resources which Zero cannot justify spending on a useless Level D. He could even put them in danger if a vampire attacked intending to kidnap Zero. Accepting would be unbearably selfish. And after the last Association President, Zero knows all Hunters aren't incorruptible either.
Once he's finally wound down, run out of protests and plans, denials and bargains, Master and Cross act like they aren't done. Like they're steeling themselves for something equally terrible. Something Zero isn't going to like - as if there could be anything worse than what's already happened!
Zero really isn't in the mood for more bad news.
"What else is there," Zero demands, uncharacteristically rude to his Master.
Yagari wants to shoot something, Zero can tell from the twitching motion of his hands; only a vampire makes him that cranky.
"Kuran Kaname" - Yagari's mouth twists like he's eating a lemon - "has made us, the Association, an offer. Since you'll have to bond with a vampire, he thinks we should use your bonding as a bargaining chip to amend our treaties with the vampires in our favor. And he will make sure those negotiations happen, as long as you marry him and his sister."
"As loathe as I am to admit it," Cross continues, "we have few options right now. We have made no promises. You can absolutely refuse. We are telling you only because doing this would protect you from the Senate, and of all vampires I thought that Yuuki might be the only partner you could live with."
Once upon a time, young Zero the Hunter thought his beloved parents were the most romantic couple in the world, and imagined shyly that perhaps some day he would find a girl as loving and strong as his mother to marry.
Was he allowed nothing? To have this choice stolen, after so many of his choices have been taken away? A marriage to the Kurans would be empty and meaningless. He had wanted - but it meant nothing now. He will burn this dream too, tucked in with dreams of human children that have his hair and his blurry love's eyes.
Kiryuu Zero thinks then, as he has a number of times in his life, about killing himself. He first learned that black soliloquy after a pureblood's fangs drenched his world in red madness, and it became familiar in the four years afterwards spent fighting Level E. Zero once found suicide a very comforting thought - not for his own sake, but because it was the surest way to stop his madness and hunger from destroying anyone else - though he had attempted to carry out his thoughts only once. Yuuki had stopped him then. If he decided he could not live as - as an omega, then it lurked as the silent third option Cross and Yagari refused to mention.
When the mad princess stole his humanity, Zero had fought his descent with every scrap of his will for longer than anyone believed possible. It was useless; death and madness waited for him no matter how he struggled. Why continue to fight, when giving in would have caused him less pain and grief? Why not take his death into his own hands, regain the control over his body he had lost, make his own choice after a pureblood had taken his choices away?
It was the Hunt that stayed his hand. If Zero could save even one more human being by extending his life, then he would hold on, hold out until that final day he would join the vampires instead of killing them. Dying would have been more merciful, but Zero had never had mercy on himself.
When even the Hunt failed him, Yuki had protected Zero's life when he would not defend it himself, until he decided he couldn't make her cry anymore and had shown his Master he would struggle to the end, without taking the easy way out.
That path called Death was now further barred; No matter how much pain or suffering Zero encountered, Ichiru's last wish kept him chained to life. The gift of his brother's blood was a silent command that Zero must live, or else his brother's sacrifice was in vain. As long as Zero lived, then a piece of Ichiru lived too. Zero's desires meant nothing in the face of that; he could not destroy himself without destroying his brother. Even if his life were the most miserable existence on the planet, Zero could never harm Ichiru.
Zero could not chose to die now.
That left the choice in front of his feet.
Zero was raised as a Hunter, and they knew death and duty like they knew their own shadows. Every one of them made hard decisions, choices that haunted their nightmares, regrets they could not escape. But they made those choices because they were the only ones who could. Cross knew a Hunter's duty; he Hunted and Hunted until it sickened him so deeply he hung up his weapons for good. The man loved him as his own son, but he had been prepared to chain him up for his students' safety or to kill him if Zero fell to a Level E; Zero respected and trusted him for that. Kaito had executed his beloved brother, whose only sin was being bitten by a pureblood, with his own hands. His Master had sacrificed his eye to save Zero's life, and killed his own fiancee; Yagari, in his heart of hearts, had never wanted to shoot his apprentice or his lover, but he was also sworn to protect humans from vampires, and he would do what was necessary.
Zero would also do what was necessary.
"Would I be able to keep Hunting?"
"If it's important to you, we'll make sure it's included in the terms. Legally, you'll be considered a contractor. The vampires will demand your status as a vampire be permanently considered ahead of your Hunter blood. You will still be a Hunter, we'll have claim to you, but not as your primary identity and we'll have to cede legal jurisdiction."
Zero has one more quiet question.
"Did Yuuki agree?"
"Yes."
Yuuki, Zero knows, loves Kuran - not him. It was out of pity or lingering fondness she offered; it leaves a bitterness in his mouth. He will be Kuran's pawn again. And Kuran will not be kind.
Zero has disregarded his own desires, anything but his guilt and self-loathing, for far too long to begin listening now.
The Hunter gathers as much dignity as he can while handcuffed to a hospital bed wearing a flimsy white gown.
"President Cross. President Yagari."
He gives each of them a nod, and then bows his upper body.
"I am a Hunter, one who guards against those who desire blood. My life, as it has always been, is dedicated to the defense of humanity. If gaining those terms will ease our Hunt, then I agree to this task."
"You will have to behave appropriately as a pureblood's spouse."
"As long as my Hunt does not end," Zero said with finality and worrying indifference as he straightens.
"Kid," Yagari says, shaking him out of his reverie by putting a hand on his leg, "I need to know if you're going to be okay doing this."
Zero lets his hair fall forward over his face, so neither of his treasured guardians can see the empty look in his eyes, and turns his face away so they can't see his blank expression.
"I'll be fine, Master Yagari."
It's like Cross and Yagari's visit was some kind of permission everyone else was waiting for. Zero has a dozen visitors in the space of an hour: half of his guards, to set out security protocols, Nurse Itou, the hospital administrator, the head nurse, several of his doctors.
He makes a terrible impression: speaks too little, keeps his face blank, lacks the energy to act interested. He doesn't care.
When he's alone, the enclosed hospital room is like an empty shell, a sucking silence. When visitors come, everything is turbulent, overwhelming, and Zero wishes he were alone again.
Very quickly, he learns to prefer the silence.
Zero is a curiosity to these people, the strange Level D omega, and what seems like the entire medical staff traipses in and out, doctors from every floor, eager to prod and poke and peer at him.
They all want the same thing - to pull down his blanket and lift up his clothes and pull apart his knees and look between his thighs.
They don't ask permission.
Trapped in this cage, still manacled, he can't leave or move away. He can't even reach down far enough to pull up the blanket when they leave. If he protests, they ignore him. Eventually he stops trying.
He learns to flinch away from every touch of rubber gloves, from every brush of fabric and the feeling of hands.
At some point, one of his doctors - his real doctors, the ones who are supposed to be helping him - brings four or five medical students in with him just to stare, just to gape at what's become of him -
-and he says, "In real omega males, the testicles remain as vestigial organs, but here you'll notice the patient has none. We think his body cannibalized them as fuel"-
Oh.
It's just one loss - violation - too much. His whole body stiffens and goes still, and Zero withdraws down, down, down into empty static and silence.
In a white building, in a white room, in a white bed, in a white gown, there is a pale boy.
He looks shrunken in on himself, curled in a ball with his knees and arms tucked up underneath his chin, and frail, the good bones under his papery skin too sharp, and washed out by all the whiteness, silver hair bleached to pale ash and skin drained the pallid bluish color of corpses by the harsh artificial lights.
He is not here.
He is drifting awake, dreaming, of things that were and will never be again.
That body, there on that bed?
Vacant. No one lives there. It wouldn't belong to him. He is elsewhere.
He is -
- with Mother and Father, drinking hot tea after coming in from the cold. Ichiru is next to him, happy, flushed. Master, not a grey hair on his head, has just come through the door, and Kaito the stroppy teenager is stamping his feet to shake off the snow behind him, already clamoring for his own tea -
Were you looking for someone?
I'm sorry. There's no one in right now. Perhaps you could come back later?
They let him go the next night. Zero has not spoken in eighteen hours. No one seems to notice.
He manages to surface long enough to thank Nurse Itou. She's shown him more consideration than anyone else in this white prison, and he owes her for that.
He doesn't remember how he got his clothes on. There's a blank spot; he's lost time. The mind protects itself from things it isn't ready to face.
Kaito arrives near dawn, leading another dozen Hunters to escort him back to Association Headquarters and the safety of the wards there. The guards have foiled seven different kidnappers in four days; Cross isn't taking any chances. If Zero didn't feel like he was watching events from very far away, he might be concerned. It's good Kaito is the one who came; his friend's accustomed to Zero's aloofness and isn't offended when he ducks away from the hand placed on his shoulder.
Kaito gives him a cloak with a deep hood. Zero dons the garment when instructed, and lets Kaito pull the hood forward until Zero's face lies in shadow, hidden, so the photographers and other spectators milling in the early morning light cannot see his features when they leave through the side door.
A solid push from Kaito against his side shoves him into the back of a minivan, and more of the Hunters pile in behind him; the rest crush themselves into a blue van with a 'recycle' bumper sticker, and some kind of delivery vehicle with the logos covered by duct tape, all three clearly borrowed. Vampire hunting doesn't pay well, since keeping your existence secret makes convincing people to give you money difficult. Luckily, the governments of the world write the cheque, but the margin is slim and budget cuts outnumber the raises.
Zero tucks himself in the corner, pressing his body against the window to avoid touching the other occupants, and sits in silence, keeping his hood raised so the other Hunters can't see him, and he can't see the way they must be looking at him. Halfway back, it starts to snow, the thick grey clouds blocking the sun and giving the morning a gloomy atmosphere.
By the time the mismatched convoy pulls into Headquarters, hours later, the glare of the noonday sun off heavy snow drifts blinds the ex-human's photosensitive eyes. Zero waits for the other Hunters to leave the car, holding onto his solitude just a little longer until he's the last one seated and Kaito is waiting by the door.
Zero deliberately pulls down the cloak's hood when he's standing in the chilly air. If nothing else, Zero is stubborn; he won't lower his head in the sight of his peers. Contemplating the colonnaded entryway, it feels like he's been gone decades, rather than days, as though the Zero who left is not the Zero who came back. What a ridiculous feeling, thinks the Hunter as he strides through the door following Kaito, feeling the wards react to a vampire's aura and his taming mark flare in response, allowing him entry.
Zero keeps his eyes fixed on Kaito's back. There are too many people coincidentally passing through the halls near them, or lingering in the entrance hall speaking quietly to one another, their eyes flicking toward the vampire in their midst too often for casual glances. Hunters are too experienced to forget a vampire's enhanced hearing and speak openly where Zero can hear, though sometimes he can catch snatches of a conversation resumed when they think he's out of earshot. It's actually quite positive, or at least neutral, speculations on what the vampires might be willing to give in exchange for a vampire bitch, that's what he is. All they do is keep popping out babies. Gross. / But they let whoever fuck them right? Turn over and beg for it? Man, I wish I tasted that ass before it was off limits. I always thought he was frigid, you know? / Humans don't act so shamelessly. Only beasts offer their cunt to the biggest cock they see. I always knew what you were, vampire's whore. Nobody with that sweet mouth doesn't know how to use it.
(The Hunters have always been disgusted by the needs and functions of his body. They disgust him too.)
"You'll be staying in the emergency barracks," Kaito tells him as they go deeper into the bowels of the building. "Master Yagari and President Cross have made it off limits to everyone, and rekeyed the local wards so only you have access. I took the spare key you gave me to your place and got your stuff. It's there. You already know the drill: don't leave the building, that would be dumb, don't leave your room without me, Master or Cross, buddy system applies, don't trust anything if you don't know where it came from, no exceptions. It'll mostly be me keeping you company. The co-presidents are gonna be tied up in the negotiations soon."
Kaito stops at an unremarkable grey door, hooking his thumb over his shoulder. "This is you."
Zero moves to pass Kaito and go inside, but his friend bars his path with an arm across the doorway, probably remembering the way Zero refused his touch earlier, and levels an earnest gaze at him.
"Hey. I know you told Master you were fine, but don't think I bought that. You always say you're fine. I'm shit at feelings, but I'm here. If you need to talk, we'll talk about whatever you want, as long as you need. I got tissues and my teenage daughter snots on me every time we watch a sad movie. I'm prepared. Nothing you could say would make us not friends. If you want me to not to ask any questions right now and bring you beer and chocolate, then I know a convenience store. But I won't let you get away scot free. You're like a snail in a shell. If I don't pry you out, you'll hide your soft underbelly forever. Got it?"
Zero startles himself with the ghost of a laugh, almost painful. "Yeah," he says, "I get it."
"Good," says Kaito, "now get some sleep," and this time he lets Zero go in and shut the door.
The emergency barracks remain vacant except during natural disasters and war; as such, they're just as spartan as Zero's apartment, and better heated. Zero picks the bottom bunk bed as far from the door as he can get, out of direct line-of-sight. A cardboard box just inside the door holds most of Zero's worldly possessions, including, Zero is pleased to see, all of his confiscated gear, Bloody Rose, and Artemis Rod.
Zero will need to speak with Kaito about paying the rent on his apartment; the Hunter knows he will never live there again, but the stubborn part of him isn't willing to let it go, because that would be like admitting defeat. Left with nothing else to do, Zero unpacks and explores the attached shower room and toilets, until finally he can't put off sleep any longer with petty tasks.
He goes to bed in his day clothes. He refuses to think about why. Eventually, he drops off into uneasy sleep.
The pair of young silver-haired twins skip hand in hand through the snow, identical as two reflections, perfectly indistinguishable down to the last eyelash and freckle -
- a gust of cherry blossom scented wind breaks them apart, tearing his hand away, and when he opens his eyes again his twin is older and not so identical anymore, but the same face looks back at him. He reaches out to touch the cheek underneath matching lavender eyes-
- to find his fingers touching only cold glass. In the mirror, Ichiru smiles sadly. Cracks spiderweb the glass; Zero cries out and jumps back, fearful it was his touch that broke the mirror-
- but no, the darkness shifts, and he was wrong, it's him in the mirror and Ichiru looking on outside with pity, he's breaking into pieces, fragments of flesh snapping off, he cradles the shard of his other eye in his palm, the doubled gaze frozen in horror as the fragile edifice erodes shard by shard, his mouth too splintered to scream-
And his body wakes, sweating his terror to the fast rhythm of fear beating through his veins. Zero sweeps his bangs back and swings his feet over the side of the bed; his feet are freezing on the tile floor, and outside the humid air of his blankets the room is chilly. Zero cares for none of it; the dream still lingers, and with hurried steps the Hunter enters the shower room.
The showers in the emergency barracks are communal; shower stalls line the walls, and a row of sinks bisects the center of the room. Across from the door, high frosted glass windows line the upper part of the wall. They let in the moonlight now, giving the room a bright glow when the light hits white tile and mirrors.
Zero stands in the doorway, holding still, breathing shallowly, but begins moving again, deeper into the room with deliberate steps. He removes his clothes piece by piece, starting at the hands and feet, and moving inwards. He does not look down or lower his chin; his body moving by touch and instinct, until he stands nude, transfixed, in front of the single full length mirror in the center of the room.
He's lost so much weight is his first thought, keeping his eyes from going any lower. His ribs stick out; his belly hollows inward, his clavicle juts outward. He's always been thin, but now all of his bones show, no longer hidden behind muscle and fat. It's easy to find the new curved shape of his pelvis, where before it was angular. The shape of his nipples has also changed: enlarged, rounded, softened. The skin of his cheeks is as smooth and as hairless as it was in childhood; Zero hasn't had to shave since he'd woken up, though it had been days. Some essential character in him has changed - there's a new androgyny in the planes and proportions reflected by the mirror.
Zero follows the lines of protruding bones with his fingers, traces the shape of his hips beneath his palms, runs his hands over his arms, across his cheeks, and down his belly like it's foreign soil, like he's learning himself, still shying away from one part of his body.
He must do this; he cannot run forever.
Zero takes a deep breath, and lets himself look at the place he's been avoiding, the dark hollow between his thighs. He's thoroughly average for a male human. Had been. He tries to explore this part the same way he had the rest, dispassionate and clinical, but inquisitive hands freeze in the air just when they're about to touch. He chokes, gags, shakes, compromises, widening his stance so he can see farther in the mirror and holding his hands up and away from his body like a surrender. There's no scar underneath the base of his penis. Somehow he expected a scar, proof of his half-castration. Just beyond, in shadow, there's the merest suggestion of a split in the flesh, and suddenly Zero can't do this anymore.
This is supposed to be his body, pale-skinned, the right hair, the right eyes.
Who is this ghost in the winter moonlight, watching him from the mirror?
He doesn't know that pale boy.
Zero was wrong. The person who left on the mission that night is not here, in this room. The person who came back is a stranger.
There is a vampire in the mirror.
This is us, it tells him. The places in his brain that map his body were rewritten, that night, to match his new parts. Nothing is physically wrong with his body, the vampire says. We are as we should be. The human objects.
He's wearing the wrong shape, sewn into someone else's flesh, a stranger in his own skin. It's wrong - the hands, the arms, the shoulders, the feet, the legs, the torso, the - all of it!
He wraps his arms around himself, pressure tightening like a band around his chest, breath quickening. His eyes burn.
When he was Turned, Zero thought there was no way his body could betray him any further, then by making him one of them. He holds a hand up in the moonlight, turning his tainted flesh this way and that.
It's disgusting. He hates it. Hates that person mocking him in the mirror, pretending to be him.
With a yell, Zero surges toward that hateful doppleganger and screams at the figure in the mirror, slapping his palms against the wall on either side so hard the tile cracks. Again and again, until his hands bleed and he needs to take a breath, letting his forehead knock the freezing glass.
There is the sound of someone crying, bitter choked sobs echoing off moonlight and porcelain.
Ichiru, if you saw me now, in this body that is no longer human, would you regret saving me?
Kaito is right. Cross and Yagari are soon buried in negotiations, and the duty of bringing his meals and taking him out for walks falls most often on Kaito. His guardians come when they can, and visits are always brief, but Zero treasures the effort. Kuran came through with his promise; negotiations were arranged almost as soon as the Co-Presidents requested them. That consoles Zero; at least what he is about to do will not be worthless.
Zero spends his time outside his makeshift quarters, escorted by his ever-present shadow Kaito, in one of two places: the training rooms, or the archives. He memorizes the times when the rooms are mostly empty and the other Hunters aren't around to stare, and drags Kaito behind him to early morning research sessions and midnight spars.
Poor Kaito! His sempai already spends too much time away from his family, and now Zero is adding to his burden. Kaito seems to be taking his revenge by stuffing Zero with so much homemade food (not by Kaito, thank Orion) that he will gain back all the weight he lost. It makes Zero feel nauseous and sick, accustomed to small, austere meals that barely eased his hunger, but if it makes Kaito happy he'll stuff himself to bursting. He promises himself he'll eat properly again once Kaito's satisfied.
Zero wants to return to peak condition as soon as he can. It's a pointless endeavor - what does he need to regain his fitness for? Zero cannot Hunt, but it gives him a goal - however meaningless - to strive towards, and an outlet for his restless energy and frustration. Life as a prisoner grinds on him; training works as a remedy to his depression and listlessness. The single-minded focus required when handling weapons blocks thoughts of anything else; the world narrows down to the needlepoint of a single moment and one's course becomes simple, a matter of action and reaction, like water flowing down a hill. The exercises remind him that he is Hunter, and that he is good at something, and that his skills cannot be taken away from him, no matter what. On the worst days, Kaito takes one look at him and somehow knows, and they go down to the gun range so Zero can take comfort from the straightforwardness of hitting targets he can reach.
But mostly, like today, they spar together on the practice mats, Kaito with a bamboo staff and Zero with Artemis Rod. Artemis has never come to his hand as easily or willingly as Bloody Rose, though it has never shocked him or betrayed him since Cross placed it in his hand. Once, it even unveiled its scythe form to save its life; Zero rubs fondly over the handle whenever the memory comes to him, as if thanking it. The Artemis Rod is an ancient, potent weapon made with unmatchable craft, and the Hunter wants to wield it with all the skill it deserves. He does not feel he's achieved that state yet, and future opportunities to improve his mastery could be rare.
It's when they're sprawled panting together after a spar, over four weeks into the treaty meetings, that Kaito loses his patience waiting for Zero to talk and ambushes him.
"So," he says after gulping half a water bottle, "you're some kind of special shiny vampire now. How does that make you feel?"
Zero resurrects his famous glare - wattage fully restored after the recent slump - and lets Kaito know exactly how impressed with the situation he is by taking up Artemis Rod and moving into a ready position.
"Okay, if it makes you feel better to kick my ass while we have this conversation, my ass is presented for kicking," Kaito says as he falls into the same stance.
Zero scowls and admits, "I feel the same way I did when I was Turned, except better because nobody died."
The ex-human begins a flurry of blows that clack as their weapons connect, until Kaito pins his staff in a lock. "I'll pretend your standards aren't shit. So you're crushing all your feelings down and making yourself push us away - don't get distracted," the elder scolds, driving Zero back against the wall with a series of strong strikes, bearing down with his greater weight.
Zero grits out a response,"What's your point? I need to deal. You all won't be around anymore anyway. I'm moving in with the bloodsuckers I whored myself out to."
Kaito's voice goes breathy with strain as Zero challenges the pin, but he hangs on.
"One, a pack of bloodthirsty vamps won't be able to keep us away from you, cause we're Hunters, so just get it out of you head that we're going anywhere. You're stuck with us. Two, your choice was mature, and practical, and will help lots of people, and in no way, shape or form makes you a whore. Who the fuck told you that crock of shit?"
Kaito lets Zero up, Kaito's first win of the day, but he doesn't look satisfied. Before he can say anything further, a voice interrupts.
"Takamiya, Kiryuu," the weaponsmaster calls out, "you're needed in the President's office. Clean up and go."
The negotiations are complete.
The news brings a choking feeling in his throat. Zero is staring into an abyss, one he's willingly walking above, balanced on a narrow plank, and the way back is gone. He has no choice left but to go forward.
Over the past month, Cross and Yagari had brought him armfuls of papers to go over, wanting his opinion and counsel over the personal terms of Zero's arrangement. He always told them the same thing: if it bought better agreements, Zero would give it to them. He suspects they disregarded his words at least some of the time; it touches him deeply just how concerned they are for him, painstakingly outlining every detail and contingency. The Hunter left the larger public treaty provisions to his superiors; they knew what would do the most good and where the greatest need lay.
He just needs to know one thing.
"Was it worth it?"
Cross looks at him over his spectacles, "We received modest yet meaningful concessions as part of the terms of your marriage. The Senate wouldn't touch the core rights and obligations, but we expected that. Mostly we got things that are important to us but don't matter to the vampires, things we would have needed to bargain away other vital rights to gain under normal circumstances. Plenty of other small alterations in our favor - expanded scope of offences, higher penalties, more freedom to intervene. Our greatest gain is the right to prosecute actions where it can be inferred with a high degree of certainty that a vampire is indirectly endangering human lives. We could go after Shoda now with the cooperation of the vampires - because of his arms dealing, or possibly the drugs if we could link him to overdoses - without needing him to personally harm anyone first. We'll have to test the limits of how far we can push our authority, but it's more than we ever had before."
"I don't know if you could say that's worth it, Zero. I can say good will come of this, but even knowing that's true I hate what you had to sacrifice in exchange. I think I might even trade our gains, despite knowing lives could be lost, if it would spare you."
Zero nods, and that's answer enough.
They go through the terms Zero will abide by one last time.
The Kurans are not allowed to inflict any mental or physical harm on him, including through neglect, or passively allow him to be hurt by others; neither is Zero allowed to threaten or harm his new spouses; the same terms apply to Zero's children for both parties. He cannot be denied any of the normal rights of a bonded omega or a married partner because of his Hunter blood or Level D status. He cannot be forbidden to Hunt, unless with child or in season; the Association may only ask, not order Zero's cooperation. In return, he is required to conduct himself as befits a pureblood's bondmate and spouse and fulfill the necessary duties and obligations to the best of his abilities. His legal status is permanently changed to fall under the vampires' authority before the Hunters'. There's much more detail - the Hunters have even set agreements for what happens to Zero if both the immortal Kurans die before him - but those are the most important points.
Now all that remains is the treaty signing - the same act that will seal his fate and bargain away his future.
If humans belong to the day, and vampires own the night, then what of a Hunter, who moves beneath both sun and moon?
Now is their time, thinks Kuran Kaname, the dusk and the dawn, where the night of the vampire and day of humanity mingle, ephemeral, fleeting, slipping like water from a sieve or grains in an hourglass.
The signing ceremony amending the treaty is being held in neutral territory - the human world - at a very high profile remote mountain resort catering to the elite and the wealthy. The human operators were always puzzled when a large number of well-dressed, important looking, inhumanly attractive people gathered together, but there was only so much that could be done to disguise that many vampires and neither side would agree to meet in a more hidden place controlled by their uneasy co-conspirators. Established ahead of time, the quota of people both parties were allowed to bring also had to be equal and fair, so neither party could overpower the other, another precaution merited by experience.
The scenery had been beautiful during the long car ride winding up switchbacks and narrow mountain roads, a necessary bit of window dressing when moving in the human world. As he viewed mountain vistas and picturesque forests suitable for an ink painting from the brush of a master, Kaname had the leisure to contemplate his future plans after this stage of his labors ends.
The ample time and pleasant sights had also granted the pureblood a chance to unpick his feelings about his own star role in this evening's events. There's the satisfaction of a plan come to fruition, and of his victory over Kiryuu, but also the irritation and jealous anger of knowing Kiryuu is equally the punishment of that success.
When Kaname resolved to achieve Yuuki's desire, he spared no effort or expense, working tirelessly first for the negotiations, and then to arrange the ceremonies to bind Kiryuu to her side. The pureblood has more or less resigned himself to dealing with the exhuman for the near future, and the thought brings him only exasperation, anger and disdain. Kiryuu is the last omega Kaname would have chosen for himself. At least his patience only needs to last a few centuries. D-rank vampires never lived past three or four hundred, their thin human blood unable to extend their lifespans any further, going brittle and snapping like dry deadwood.
Acquiring Kiryuu is not without merit. The white knight is a powerful piece, and Kaname has uses for him. He will be Yuuki's guard again, permanently. His enemies will fear that Kaname now wields a notorious Hunter as an anti-vampire assassin. Kiryuu will be tempting bait for both the Senate and Shirabuki Sara, or anyone else who tries to strike at him. Such a pity that his utility is lessened as an omega; he can no longer be played so freely or inconspicuously.
Kaname can admit Kiryuu has his virtues. He can be trusted, unequivocally, with Yuuki's safety and well-being; there are vanishingly few people Kaname trusts with his most precious person, and Kiryuu is one of them, for all they despise one another. Kiryuu resists manipulation no matter the source, so his enemies will find Kiryuu difficult to use against him. And Kiryuu is not a plotter, so if the ex-human did try to betray him, Kaname can be certain the challenge will come head-on.
For the next ten months, Kaname has resolved to do whatever is necessary to bond Kiryuu, and he takes on the burden of the D-Rank's presence only because he knows how happy it will make Yuuki. After that, Kaname can put Kiryuu aside and ignore him, unless his wife wishes them to interact. Yuuki is free to use Kiryuu - or not use him - as she wishes; it doesn't matter one way or another to him.
After all, this what young couples who want practice for their own children do - they buy a dog. Yuuki's silver hound, Kaname hopes, will distract from the...deficiencies in their own marriage.
(A tiny part of him wishfully imagines that bringing Yuuki and Kiryuu together will resurrect those days when she laughed and fought playfully, exuberance and vigor spilling over in every movement.)
Yuuki had wanted to attend today's ceremony too, but it requires only the Head of the Kuran Family to be present, and Kaname intends to put off the meeting between Kiryuu and his wife until unavoidable. She knows it was Kaname who suggested today's events, but not quite the persuasion necessary to achieve it. Yuuki believes Zero willing, when Kaname knows the ex-human is merely desperate.
Speaking of said ex-human, Kaname has not seen him yet, though the public reading of the amendments is nearly finished, after which Cross, Yagari, the Senate delegates and himself will all sign the official copies. Zero is not required to sign or witness anything, though he is the catalyst that brought all these important people together in one room. Perhaps he prefers not to watch as his guardians sell him off to the vampires and he loses the last of his autonomy.
The Senate delegates sign quickly, swift strokes of the pen covetous and eager. Today they deny the Association their best Hunter as well as acquire a new omega, and even better if he turns out to be defective and their pureblooded adversary is stuck with him.
Kaname is careful to keep a serious, neutral expression as he puts pen to paper, his signature flowing elegantly from the nib of the fine ink fountain pen he's bought just for today, inscribed with the date, a momento of the moment he acquired Kiryuu Zero for his own.
Yagari clenches his jaw as he signs in a messy scrawl, pressing too hard on the paper like he can harm to the vampires in front of him through sheer will and sympathetic magic. Cross signs slowly, as though he's waiting for a miracle to charge through the doors and demand he halt. It doesn't come, and Cross slowly puts down his pen, like he's just signed his foster son's death warrant instead of his consent to a political marriage and bonding. The gathered Hunters and vampires clap politely; each side has gained something it desires and will be pleased to walk away with the spoils.
Not yet though. The terms of the treaty amendments have already been voted on and ratified by the Senate; the new version came into force as of the moment that both parties authorized it. But one last formality remains tonight.
"Kaname-kun," Cross says quietly at his elbow, eccentricity and vigor hidden today behind gravity and resignation, "We will be waiting for you in half an hour at the mountaintop room."
Snow-dusted stone lanterns illuminate the steps ascending the steep mountain path, unneeded by vampire eyes, and the sun is just the barest fingernail of orange fire on the horizon when Kaname, clothing changed to dark formal ritual attire, climbs toward the lonely building perched at the top. The pureblood is flanked by retainers wearing black robes bearing the nine orchid kamon of the Kuran family on both sides of the chest and the middle of the back. A crowd of vampires flows behind them, hushed with excitement.
Surrounded by sacred forest, their destination is built in the traditional style with raised wood floors, paper sliding doors and a tile roof, lit by the gentle light of paper lanterns, easier on sensitive vampire eyes than electric lamps. The stunning view of the valley below, green and thickly forested with evergreen conifers blanketed in snow, and of the stars above, skies winter crisp and clear of city lights, cradles the wooden structure between earth and sky, an architectural masterpiece.
Kaname strikes the bell suspended from an ancient tree three times, letting each ringing echo go quiet before striking bronze again with the mallet. Afterwards, he may step onto the porch, slide open the paper screen, and enter.
The Hunters are gathered at the far end of the room; there is no formal uniform for a Hunter, but each wears their best hunting gear, all vaguely similar in trousers and a good overcoat, weapons polished to a deadly shine. Kaname has no eyes for them - the unerring instinct of an alpha has drawn him to the lone omega in their midst.
His new intended looks healthier, though still thin; this appeases the alpha, whose last memory of Kiryuu was handing an ill omega over to other hands. The pureblood's instincts, confused because Kiryuu has fed from his throat, seem to think he's courting the Hunter. Thankfully, Kaname cannot smell Kiryuu, and the alpha stays silent; the Hunter must have cast many layers of those charms to hide his scent.
Kiryuu wears an obviously new, expensive cream wool overcoat buttoned up to this throat, and an enamel pin with the Hunter crest affixed to the folded lapels; pale grey tailored slacks peek out from underneath the coat's hem. The coat must be a gift; Kiryuu would never buy such a thing for himself, as careless as he is of his own appearance. Probably Cross and Yagari jointly gifted it; the good taste speaks of Yagari, while Cross has more than enough money to live comfortably, a side effect of long life and good management.
Gathered together like this, it's easy to observe the common characteristics that mark them as Hunters. They're taller than average, but no so much that it's noteworthy; Yagari Touga towers over his peers with his atypical height. Overmatched in every physical way, it was speed and stamina, not strength, that led to a Hunter's victory, and their body shape naturally tended toward a trim, functional efficiency lending a sinewy strength. Cross and Kiryuu both embody that type - lean, slim, wiry, with a light frame and dexterous hands. Like endurance athletes, when Hunters put on muscle it packs on subtly rather than making them bulky. Yagari again has a heavier build than normal for a Hunter - Kaname suspects he has mid-content rather than high content Hunter blood, though from his looks you would call him high content. Purebred Hunters, far from any recent human ancestry, are often unusually attractive, but lack the unnaturally perfect vampire beauty. Beyond the physical, it was in the controlled way the Hunters moved and held themselves, keenly alert and observing everything around them.
Surrounded by Hunters in browns, greys and blacks, Kiryuu in his cream coat emitting a vampire's aura stands out to both the eyes and the senses of all the spectators watching. He is like a lone white stag grazing in a field of muddy cattle, a snow-colored gyrfalcon perched among plainer brown hawks, an arctic wolf circled by a pack of grey wolfhounds.
Kaname has admitted to himself, both now and in the past, that Kiryuu is unusually attractive, even for a vampire. A D-rank gained a little beauty when turned, but Kiryuu has been indistinguishable from a noble rank vampire since before he was sixteen years old. The most critical eye could find no fault with his even, fine features and the clean shape of his jaw, or see any flaw marring his white skin, luminescent like moonglow. His coloring is unique among both Hunters and vampires; even the Ancestor of the Kurans has never encountered purple eyes before, except glaring out at him from a Kiryuu's face. The Hio are known for their white locks, and some vampires like Seiren and Kurenai Maria inherit grey hair, but no born vampire can boast that shade of silver.
All vampires possess beauty, a flawless allure meant to lure human meals into letting their guard down, a pretty trap for the unwary fly who confused beauty with goodness. But in Kiryuu it was intensified, made aching and sharp. It was the fault of his human ancestry; the mere possibility of flaw made the absence of any imperfection more shocking. The beauty of a born vampire was a given; the sun set, water flowed, rain fell, a vampire's form was perfect. But what was mundane in a vampire became a miracle in Kiryuu's face. How many humans had to be born before such a rare specimen appeared? Millions? Billions? It was like creating flawless diamonds in a lab, and then finding a raw, perfect gem spit from the molten core of the planet in a pile of dross. Or like growing a thousand cultured pearls - even, round, and perfect by design - and then prying open the mouth of a wild clam to discover the natural pearl lying inside, nacreous sheen a quirk of chance, only providence creating such a perfect orb, after opening ten thousand empty ones. Its birth was a miracle; its existence an impossibility that defied fate. This quality, a faint trace of uplifted humanity, gave Kiryuu a matchless, exotic air.
Kiryuu meets his gaze squarely, turbulent emotion and challenge behind his habitual impassive aloofness, and their eyes lock. Neither of them blink until they are forced to break gazes as Zero is led to a low lacquered ebony table in the center of the room and seated between Cross and Yagari, who are standing in for Zero's mother and father. Kaname steps forward to seat himself on a cushion on the opposite side, his status as Family Head granting him a place at this table.
"I am Kuran Kaname, Eldest of the Kuran bloodline. I request of Kiryuu Zero's family to accept our offer of marriage and let there be a joining between our two lines."
"We accept the offer of the Kuran Family and release our ward into your guardianship. Please treat him with care."
"Then our betrothal agreement is sealed, and the courtship of Kiryuu Zero has ended."
Kaname gestures one of his retainers forward, and they kneel by the Hunters' side of the table, offering a silver tray covered by a black cloth.
"As a gesture of goodwill and a token of regard, I wish to offer the omega who will become part of my house gifts to express my esteem."
The betrothal ceremony ends with an exchange of symbolic gifts between the two families. The omega's family offers nothing, their child considered their unmatchable, priceless gift to the newly betrothed alpha. The gifts offered by the alpha's family strive to match that value in some small way, a purely symbolic gesture acknowledging (but never paying off) the alpha's permanent debt to the omega's parents, and are enormously costly. The ability to afford such an expense is a sign of the alpha's status and ability to provide for their spouse, and can add up to the equivalent of several million dollars. As a pureblood vampire and a member of the most powerful pure-blooded family who once ruled the vampires as kings, Kaname's array cannot be anything less than impressive.
Because Kaname and Kiryuu are acting as representations of the vampire nation and the Hunter's Association, many of the offered gifts are actually meant for the Association and not for Kiryuu personally, the matrimonial pair merely a conduit and a pretext for the return of valuable artifacts in a way that avoids political fallout. Kaname hands over nearly fifty Named anti-vampire weapons, either stolen or looted, as well as over two dozen significant artifacts, all of which would cause Uncomfortable Questions to be asked if the previous owners admitted the provenance.
After the handover of political materials, they move to Kiryuu's bride price and trousseau. Because many of the customary gifts are representative or symbolic, Kaname departs slightly from the traditional wording to explain to the Hunters what they mean. A bonded omega requires an entirely new wardrobe, for example, and a red silk robe represents a promise to provide it. A gold-tasselled rice paper scroll with an ink painting of a house represents the home Kaname owns that Kiryuu will live in. A golden bowl filled with pomegranate seeds represents fertility and the promise of providing children to fill that home. A triad of painted fans, one in gold with a phoenix in flight and two in white with twisting dragons, represent the companionship and faithfulness of the spouses. A red lacquered box intricately carved with trees, vines and flowers holds many compartments filled with small cakes and delicacies for good luck, joy and long life.
Outlined during the negotiations, Kiryuu's wedding garments are still being sewn and will be ready for him to wear next month at the wedding. Normally, the clothes would be completed already and have pride of place at the betrothal ceremony, but with so little time to prepare Kaname must offer an embroidered silk ribbon in their place. The bride price itself is presented with special flourish, in a red envelope tied shut with gold and silver threads; Kaname enjoys watching Yagari and Cross' eyes bulge at the amount, one of the largest ever offered for an omega.
Then Kaname rises and comes forward, followed by the last three attendants carrying covered trays, and the shocked Hunters refocus their attention back on the ceremony.
"The final gift of a betrothal ceremony is presented directly to the omega. If Kiryuu-kun could come forward, please."
Kiryuu, called on for the first time tonight to have any effect on the proceedings, comes towards the pureblood with what looks like reluctance, wariness, and partly relieved boredom. If Kaname could not smell the tantalizing thread of Kiryuu's scent now that the omega stands in close proximity, he would swear it was the same ex-human Hunter as always, Kiryuu sending him a hard look as if to say, 'I'm here, vampire. Now what do you want?'
Kaname allows himself a pleased, superior smirk and Kiryuu's face tightens in return.
"There is one representing each of the partners, and you are meant to wear them now as part of the ceremony."
The first attendant kneels down at Kaname's side, head tucked down and eyes locked on the ground with his tray raised above his head. At the pureblood's signal another one darts forwards and whisks away the covering.
In a case of black velvet rests a Hoseki. It is good-sized, but not so large it overwhelms the wearer's forehead, made in the shape of a circle composed of a crescent moon with its horns tipped upwards to embrace a rayed sun. The sun is made of carnelian and iridescent fire agate gems set in gold, while the moon is made of flashing white opals set in platinum; the moon's underbelly is fringed with tiny seed pearls.
Kiryuu refuses to lower his head when Kaname takes the Hoseki from its case; the pureblood has to clip it into soft silver hair with Kiryuu's gaze boring a hole into the side of his head. The alpha rumbles with pleasure at touching Kiryuu even so briefly. The Hoseki suits him, drawing attention to his eyes without weakening their strength.
In the next velvet box is a ring, meant to personify Yuuki as the Hoseki symbolized Kiryuu. Vampires did not exchange engagement rings, but Yuuki requested her token take that shape as a reminder of the human traditions she and Kiryuu were raised in. It's a simple, tasteful design with a very masculine feel, a white gold band studded with a circle of small, evenly spaced diamonds set in a channel running through the middle of the band.
Kaname slides it onto the fourth finger of Kiryuu's right hand, jealous of the fact his wife is presenting another man with a ring even by proxy, the same way she gave him the yellow gold marriage band with three large square diamonds Kaname wears on his left hand. Kiryuu's expression is inscrutable, and he simply stares at the ring before curling his left hand around his right to hide it.
"You'll need to remove your coat," Kaname orders, jolting Kiryuu out of his contemplation.
Kiryuu shrugs out of his overcoat slowly, clearly unwilling, material pooling at his elbows as he grudgingly peels off his hunter identity; Cross comes forward to take it from his foster son. The fine white cotton shirt underneath, with its high boat neck and long sleeves, just barely satisfies dress standards for an unmated omega.
The pureblood's next expression must give something away, because Kiryuu's eyes suddenly sharpen as if he suspects the item being unveiled in the last, largest box Kaname has prepared.
Kaname's offering is a necklace. The choker is as wide as four of Kiryuu's fingers, covering most of his throat when worn, the band a flexible lattice of gold links and tiny faceted rubies, diamonds and emeralds. Just under the chin, the top is lined with rounded ruby finials, and at the bottom edge dangle more pear-shaped rubies like drops of blood. At the center is a square plaque, like a buckle, with a large ruby in the center and a smaller diamond at each pole.
It's a collar. A golden, begemmed, extravagant dog collar.
Kiryuu glares openly, heedless of the crowd and the gross transgression he commits by turning such an expression on a pureblood by their inferior.
Kaname ignores whispers from the watching vampires horrified and angered by the exhuman's disrespect. They understand nothing, incapable of reading the message sent by his gift. They see only the expense and the beauty. But Kiryuu can see it, understands what Kaname is saying, and he's white with his blind rage, clenching his hands and shaking with it as Kaname latches the necklace shut around his neck.
Kiryuu Zero with Kaname's collar around his neck - Kaname is high on the taste of victory, the image marred only by the taming brand on the side of his neck. Perhaps the next year will be bearable after all.
Then Kiryuu locks eyes with the pureblood as he deliberately brings Yuuki's ring to his mouth and kisses it, and suddenly Kaname is struggling against his own rage.
On occasion, even the Ancestor of the Kurans is wrong.
I hope I explained Zero's decision making process well enough.
Thank you guys for all of your support. Please let me know if you have any more questions, I am happy to answer them!